Men at Work (2012) s01e09 Episode Script

You're welcome.
Why am I thanking you? Well, first of all, Because you're clearly never gonna give me that sweater back.
And more importantly, I'm gonna interview shepard peters, And then he's gonna shoot our cover.
Shepard peters? You're not serious? As a heart attack.
How's your dad, by the way? He's doing much better, thanks.
He's on a low-sodium diet.
He started pilates.
He's even gonna do Well, every day's a gift.
I'm sorry.
Let's keep talking about the guy no one's ever heard of.
Shepard peters is one of the most important photographers.
Of our generation.
He also happens to be my hero.
I thought wesley snipes was your hero.
You keep thinking that, and it's never true.
Remember that famous picture.
Of the supermodel covered in black oil.
In front of the exxon valdez spill? That photo was the reason I got into photography.
Well, that and my neighbor growing up mrs.
Santiago.
She just hated closing those blinds.
He's gonna re-create that photo for us.
Dude, I am blown away! How'd you get him? He hasn't done a cover in years.
Well, I'm a pretty charming guy, And I told him you were a huge fan.
And when that didn't work, I paid him triple his rate.
That got his heart racing.
Again, neal, thoughts and prayers.
Hey.
You guys heard of this fridge genie? Oh, yeah.
I have that app.
It's great.
You list all the foods you have at your house, And it tells you what you can make with them.
That's a good idea.
Yeah, it was three years ago when I had it.
I was gonna call it "what's in your fridge?" And he said I should call it "what's in your purse?" Aw, you remembered my joke.
This always happens to me.
Every time I have a good idea, some other guy gets rich off it.
Yeah, I've been there.
When I was a kid, my parents took me to disneyland.
Five minutes into "pirates of the caribbean," I thought to myself, "hey, this ride would make a great movie.
" Ten years later "waterworld.
" You know, I know a venture-capital guy who's in town this week.
If you have a good pitch, never hurts to try.
No, don't just "try.
" It's like shepard peters always says "trying is not good enough.
" It seems like pretty much anyone could've said that.
Hey, guys, did you know at this very moment.
We could make beef stroganoff with a pear salad on the side? Well, I wouldn't mind a salad.
We got work beef? I hate you guys.
- Men at Work - - S01E09 Two hours late for his interview.
Who does this?! Shepard peters does.
Which is why I'm not worried.
He doesn't think about time the same way we do.
They delayed the royal wedding The queen had to do impressions.
That's not helping my mood.
Then you should hear an 80-year-old lady in a crown.
Doing mike tyson.
Mr.
Peters! Please, mr.
Peters is my mother.
Call me shepard.
This is a huge thrill.
Hey, did you guys get those, uh Apples I requested? Oh, sure did.
That is not an apple.
I asked for an apple.
Now, that's an apple.
Brace yourself, my friend.
It took me all night, but I finally did it.
Presenting The sleepweight! The sleepweight uses your natural tossing and turning.
To help you sleep your way to the body of your dreams.
You see what I did there? I got it.
Allow me to demonstrate.
Now, see, all of this tossing and turning.
Helps strengthen your core.
And then Obviously, there'll be less limb loss.
When used by an actual person.
I hope.
Milo, there's no way that thing actually works.
How can you say that without even trying it out? Come on.
Don't you always take a nap every day in the conference room? No.
It's not a nap.
It's a brain booster.
Fine.
So, give it a try.
If you're not convinced, I will never mention it again.
But if you like it, you'll call your money guy for me.
Fine.
Is that thing anatomically correct? When you're buying a mannequin behind a McDonald's.
At 4:00 a.
M.
, you don't ask questions.
So, the idea is we're gonna run an interview.
Along with a re-creation of your iconic exxon valdez photo.
You do nice work, gibbs.
You really think so? There's some Nuance in her cleavage.
No one ever noticed the nuance! The fact that you're even looking at my photos I don't want to geek out on you, but you're kind of my idol.
I met my idol once ernest hemingway.
I couldn't put two coherent sentences together.
Of course, I was only you at 6.
Now, there's somebody I'd like to get to know better.
Come on, gibbs.
Why don't we start with the day you took the exxon shot? This one is interesting, too, Although I'm seeing a pattern developing in your work.
You got a good eye.
They both dated the same yankee infielder.
No.
I'm seeing a talented guy.
Who's being boxed in by what's expected.
You know, it's weird that you say that, Because sometimes I do feel boxed in.
Since when? You could be doing more.
Oh, like, for example, we could be doing our interview.
Hey, you know what I always say? "Hang on a sec.
" These really aren't sayings.
Uh, you know I'm on a deadline, right? Me too.
It's 6:30, and I'm still sober.
So, I'm gonna say to you what hemingway once said to me.
He said, "kid? "Thanks for cleaning my gun "while your mom and I took a little nap.
"Now, let's go get drunk and shoot a bull.
With that nice, clean gun of mine.
" Yeah.
Milo? I can't believe I'm saying this.
The sleepweight is amazing! I took my normal little brain nap, And it feels like I got in a full workout.
My posture is improved.
My bad back has never felt better.
I feel powerful.
In fact Didn't even have to run it under hot water.
I'm not just saying this.
You look bigger.
Do you mind if I take the sleepweight home with me tonight? Amy's out of town, and I wouldn't mind getting my pump on.
Whoa, you've got sleepweight fever.
I should call my guy.
So you can pitch it to him before he leaves town.
Yes, you should.
You should call him right now.
So I can pitch it and he can listen.
Then he'll have questions.
Will he have questions? Yeah, he might want to know about your business plan.
Yeah, I'm probably gonna need you there for that.
Oh, no.
You can handle it.
It's basic stuff margins, capital outlay, unit costs.
Okay.
I think I can handle that.
Wait, did you say "unit costs" or "unicorns"? Maybe I will help you with it.
So, I'm in richie branson's submarine.
On assignment to shoot some tiger sharks.
When billy clinton and donny trump.
Start throwing haymakers at each other over who's taller.
Then I realize There's my shot.
And I would've missed it.
If I was worried about assignments and deadlines.
Art doesn't come knocking on your door.
It goes streaking by your house, And you have to be ready to grab it.
Yes.
Exactly.
Of course, not all deadlines are bad Like this one I'm on right now.
You know, to write about your exxon valdez photo? So maybe if we talk about that, I could expense these drinks.
Save your money.
I made this myself.
Now, you're gonna want to chug this, Because if you let this sit in your mouth too long Just chug it.
Ahh! Nectar of the gods! This is gasoline.
Hey, maybe we all stop drinking satan's urine.
And start talking about that oil-spill photo? Well, that's a perfect example.
The way that photo came together is a Once-in-a-lifetime thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it seems crazy to just try to re-create it.
Ty, why are you stepping on my foot? Maybe you should have some more of this delicious beverage.
Now, ho-ho-ho-ho-hold on a second.
He's right.
I can't take the same shot.
Well, the assignment was for you to re-create your iconic photo.
Tyler, you can't box in one of the world's greatest photographers.
Gibbs.
You got to let him spread his wings and drive that train.
Across the seven seas of a thousand dances! What the hell is in this? I like you.
Ahh! He likes me! You know, my gal lola's gonna kill me, But I know an after-hours cockfighting ring.
Down in chinatown.
And if we leave right now, We'll get there just about in time for the undercard.
Let's do it.
No way.
That's good, because the e-vite only said "plus one.
" Okay, fine, but, mr.
Peters, can you just promise me.
You're gonna take the photo the way we talked about it? Listen as I always say, "I only do gigs the way I want to do 'em.
" None of these are really sayings.
Gibbs, can you just make sure he doesn't mess this up? Of course Pal.
You don't know my name, do you? I want to say "mark"? Ugh, my brain's about 2/3 moonshine right now.
Oh! Unh.
There it is.
What a workout.
Time to check the results.
hello?! Was that my back? ohh! That was my back! Sorry you're still waiting.
Is there anything I can get you? Let's see, I've got bottled water, a veggie platter.
Oh, you know what you could get me? Shepard peters to take the picture? Yeah, look.
I apologize.
He should be here any minute.
Tyler.
Do you realize what time it is? Where's shepard? I don't know where he is now, but a couple hours ago, He was chasing a mermaid in a police boat.
Are you still drunk? Very much so.
Gibbs, what the hell? Is he coming or not? Oh, right! That's what I meant to tell you.
He's not coming.
He's an artist, and he doesn't want to go backwards.
Are you kidding me? Like I always say, "sorry, dude.
Sometimes, things don't work out.
" You've never said that in your life.
Well, you're gonna start hearing it a lot.
All right.
You know what? I'm gonna have you take the picture.
I'll figure out how to sell it to them later.
Uh, this is gibbs.
He's gonna take your picture.
So, should I just start rolling around in the oil? Well, I would never say no to that, But I'm not taking the picture.
What? Ty, if Shepard won't re-create his own work, how can I? Don't you think that'd be a dick move? That a dick move? What about hanging your friend out to dry? we knew you wouldn't get it.
We? So, suddenly, you spend one drunken night with this guy, And now you're just like him? We knew you'd say something just like that.
Screw you, gibbs! Wha And I want my purple sweater back! Neal, where are you? The investor's here.
I don't have the sleepweight, And I don't understand any of these charts you made.
Hey, there, friend.
James wilson.
You must be milo.
And you must be the best handshaker I've ever had the pleasure of shaking hands with.
thank you.
You as good with your left? Uh, neal mentioned that you have a very interesting product.
Why don't you tell me a little bit about it? I could tell you a whole lot a bit about it.
So James.
Is that with a "J" or with a "G"? It's with a "J.
" Interesting.
You know, I don't know if neal mentioned this, But I'm on a bit of a tight schedule.
I don't know if he did mention that.
I'll tell you what.
I'll give him a call right now, and we'll get to the bottom.
Of this whole "mentioning mystery.
" Oh.
Oh, come on.
Almost.
Almost there.
Almost got it.
Oh! There you go! Oh! Ah! Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Gibbsy! Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, if you know the final score.
Of the bangladesh-indonesia cricket friendly, Don't tell me.
I'm tivoing it.
Oh, I'm not sure what the Na, na, na, na! La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la! I'm trusting yo-o-o-u.
Yep.
Okay? Yeah.
Yeah.
Come on.
Wow, this place is unbelievable.
It is, isn't it? Is that you and prince boarding the space shuttle? De-boarding.
So, to what do I owe this pleasure? Well, I told tyler that you weren't gonna do the shoot, And he got pretty upset.
Surprise, surprise.
It's for that reason that I no longer have any friends.
Well, what are you talking about? You went to space with prince.
You went on safari with claire danes.
Was that fun? Eh.
Look, I know many people, but I don't call them friends.
Friends hold you back.
They make you compromise, And that's the one thing an artist can never do.
Sit.
Well, what about your girl, lola? Does she hold you back? No.
Lola is the exception to the rule.
Sometimes I actually think that I ho her back.
Lola, we've got company! Oh, yes.
Come here, little baby girl.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, yes.
I was just telling him.
That sometimes I feel like I hold you back.
She's crazy about squirrels.
Lola is a dog.
I told you he was quick.
Kind of thought lola was a human-person kind of friend.
Oh, no.
She's so much better.
She never wants or judges or needs.
Come.
Come, baby.
Well, I don't know that all friends are like that.
Well, you came here complaining about your friend tiger.
-Tyler.
Name a time when your friend tiger did something for you.
Without wanting anything in return.
Hey, tiger hired you to take that picture.
Because he knew I'd be psyched to meet you.
Didn't he want something in return? No.
Didn't he? Nope.
You're sure? Yes.
Agree to agree.
Okay, now.
Calm down, you little lush.
Okay, yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
oh, whoa.
Okay, o okay.
Now, no, no, no, no.
Save some for daddy, okay? Don't! Okay, I no, don't.
Okay, you know, I'm gonna get out of here.
I just remembered today is the last day.
To mail that rebate in on that printer I bought.
Okay.
Gibbsy, no bullshit, okay? You've got real talent.
In fact, I see a lot of myself in you.
You keep making good decisions, And someday you could be just like me.
Oh, is it time to go to the dog park and sniff some ass? Don't worry, baby.
You can come with.
Oh, these are some good abs.
And here are some more.
What is that, an eight pack? Yeah.
Not bad.
And all of these men used your product? No.
These are pictures I got from googling "hot shirtless guys.
" I just wanted you to see the benefits of exercise.
I am losing my patience here.
And rightly so.
Um, I guess Neal's not coming, but you know what? Who needs him? I can handle this.
Great.
Then let me ask you a few basic questions.
Okay.
Shoot.
First, what would be the capital outlay? What would you like the capital outlay to be? Well, I would like it be as small as possible.
Ah, then how about One? One what? I don't know.
We're negotiating.
Nice to meet you, milo.
Okay, uh Look, I'm sorry.
I may not know all the fancy business terms, But I do know two things One, if people could get ripped while they were asleep, They would be pretty psyched.
And two, the sleepweight is the way to make that happen.
And if you act now, You could be on the ground floor of something really big.
Well, son, I appreciate your enthusiasm.
Passion like that can't be taught.
Thank you.
I had a red bull.
What can be taught is the science of physical fitness, And it's abundantly clear.
That you don't know the first thing about that.
And quite frankly, based on this rather crude drawing, I'd say there's a serious danger.
That someone could get stuck in this device.
Now, hold on a second, james with a "J," Neal personally tested the sleepweight, And if he got stuck in it, don't you think.
He would have come down here and told me Oh, my god! Sir, trust me.
No one's more upset about this than I am.
Okay, I take that back.
You're clearly more upset.
Sir, I'm gonna have to call you back.
You must be lost.
The museum of contemporary assholes.
Is just down the street.
I know I screwed you over.
I got caught up in the shepard peters whirlwind, And I should have had your back.
Well, if you're just gonna admit everything you did wrong.
Right off the bat, it's hard to have an argument.
Look, I want to do work like him, But I don't want to be like him.
It's like I always say Nope.
I don't always say anything.
Hey, I hope nobody minds, But I tied up my girl lola out by the elevator.
She's a dog.
Shepard, what are you doing here? That's what I was getting at.
He's in.
You're doing the shoot? Well, your friend here convinced me.
That if he took the photo.
And I were the model in the bikini, Then that would be new.
That would be art.
Would it? I pulled that out of my ass.
I think I could sell it upstairs.
All right, I brought my own banana hammock.
I'll go strap up.
Stop it.
What? You're hugging me with your eyes.
I'm doing a lot more than that.
It's milo.
Hey, buddy.
What's up? Hey, man.
I'm gonna need you to come on down to Neal's.
I, uh, threw my back out trying to lift him, And now I'm kind of Stuck.
What do you mean, "stuck"? I mean I'm 127 hours away from sawing my own arm off.
Hang on.
We're on our way.
Uh, milo? It's been a while since I used the bathroom.
And, gibbs? Hurry.
- This is a great cover, Gibbs.
- Right? It's a little bit of a new direction for me.
It makes me think about the environment.
Milo, could you stir that for me? I still don't have full movement in my arms.
It's been a while now, huh? Yes, the sleepweight may have permanently injured neal.
But at the end of the day, it's nice to know.
That I had an idea and I followed through with it.
It may not have been the best idea.
Terrible.
- It's the worst.
- I've notified an attorney.
But without it, I never would've been stuck on Neal's floor for an hour, Listening to birds chirping outside the window, Which inspired my latest idea An app that let's you identify birds.
By the sound of their chirps.
That's actually a good idea.
We live in new york.
The answer's "pigeon.
" Now, I know it's a niche market, But I think there's money to be made in "birds with friends.
" Wait up, gibbs! Once again, Neal, you're the only one who gets me.
I can't stand up without help.
I'll take that as a maybe.