Mr Pickles (2013) s01e09 Episode Script
Where Is Mr. Pickles
1 I am Mr.
Smilton.
You are the most relentless bounty hunters in the region.
There's no smokin' in here! Ugh! For months, a dog has been sneakin' into my stables and fornicatin' with my prized racehorses.
All I know about him is he loves pickles.
Bring me his head.
Huh? Kill him! Mr.
Pickles! S01E09 Where Is Mr.
Pickles Good boy! We shouldn't be bringing Mr.
Pickles.
Last time we went to a barbecue, he killed a bunch of people and Dad, not another - "evil Mr.
Pickles" story.
- Ohh.
Are you excited to go to Floyd's barbecue, Mr.
Pickles? Now, Floyd's a bit of an oddball, so his house might be a little Oh, this must be it.
- Floyd.
Nice house you have.
- Oh, that's just an abandoned house.
Uh, I live over here.
- Oh, my.
- And this is my wife.
Oh, you.
Butter-dipped fried mayo oysters? Mmm! I'll have to get your recipe.
Sure thing.
Come with me.
Mmm! Uh, that's enough for now.
Dad, where's Mr.
Pickles? Uh, he'll turn up, Tommy.
Aw.
- Is that a whale? - No, it's a shrimp stuffed in a crab stuffed in a flounder in a turkey in a duck in a chicken in an otter in a manatee in a bear in an elephant in a whale.
It's a "shrabounturduckenottemanabearap hantale.
" Oh.
Stop, or I'll shoot! "Shpow, shpow, shpow!" Hey! I shot your kneecaps! Sheriff! Mr.
Pickles has been dognapped! Now I give Mr.
Smilton head.
Once decapitated, heads have life for up to seven seconds.
Last thing you will see is me burying your body.
Huh? Whoa! Hey! Get off my head! Pickles Die! Pickles And over here is my gravy fountain.
That's my chande-lemon meringue pie.
Oh! And this is my ranch dresser.
I keep my socks in there, too.
Well, for two telemarketers, you do better than I do.
Oh, I made my money winning wing-eating contests around the world.
Yeah.
I'm just a telemarketer 'cause it's fun.
Huh.
Places like this are great for gettin' information just got to know what to ask.
How's your mama? - Well, she's well, sheriff.
- And your daddy? - Well, he's well, sheriff.
- But we're looking for Mr.
Pi and your girlfriend, Sheena - Well? - Oh, Sheena.
- Yeah, she's well, sheriff.
- Aw.
You can't cook that whale with this little grill.
Well, I like to take my time till it's all hot and juicy.
And then you put the beef inside? And you've got a three-foot beef-filled jelly donut.
Everything you have - is related to food.
- Well, here's the gym I can't use anymore 'cause the door's been shrinking.
Floyd, the door isn't drinking.
You're getting fat.
No way.
Really? Nice to meet you, sheriff's mama.
- Well, hello there, Thomas.
- I told him we'd look for Mr.
Pickles but first I had to brush your hair.
- Huh? - Too late! But Candy always gets to brush you.
- Mama, candy made a bad face.
- No tattletalin'.
- But, mama - And no backtalkin'.
- Ohh.
- Don't you "aw" me, boy.
- Aw.
- Now you're on punishment.
Ohh.
I want to start the fire.
Now, move over! All right, grandpa.
I'm the grill master.
No, I'm the grill master.
Huh? What are you up to, Mr.
Pickles? - Ugh! - "Hi, Tommy.
- Pleased to meet you.
" - Sheriff, what about Mr.
Pickles?! Well, Tommy Sometimes a sheriff can feel a little sad sometimes a sheriff can be a little bad I tried to to find Mr.
Pickles, asked all the right questions But mama put me on punishment, and it's time for my nap Aw.
Thanks for luring him into my ambush.
I hate dogs.
Ugh.
Hey! You want to be my girlfriend? Ugh! No, I don't.
Besides, I was born without genitals.
- Mm? - Then where do you go pee-pee - and pooh-pooh? - You don't want to know.
Shut up! Aww! He's so cute! You can be my boyfriend if you go to the store - and buy more Pickles for him.
- My first girlfriend! La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Idiot.
More money for me! Now I'm gonna cut your stupid dog head off.
- Aah! My finger! - Oh.
Hey.
Uh Aw! Sheriff! Get over to the old house by Floyd's.
Mr.
Pickles is here and Oh! Huh? Well, Tommy, Mr.
Pi wait.
What is it, Abigail? My sheriff hat! Tommy stole it! Mama, we got a code 967.
- Lost your sheriff hat again? - Mr.
Pickles is at the old house by Floyd's.
Mm.
Tommy must be there with my hat.
Me find dog.
I need a jar of Pickles.
Uh-oh! The sheriff! How's your mama? You know my mama? Don't tell her you saw me.
I wasn't doing anything.
- And your daddy? - My daddy?! Uh, he wanted me to be a good boy, not a criminal.
- Uh, oops.
- And how's your - girlfriend, Sheena Well? - "Seen a whale?" Uh, yeah, she seen a whale.
It was at that fat guy's barbecue, where I used the pickles to lure the dog across the street.
Oops! Now you're under arrest.
Mr.
Goodman, I promised myself if I ever got fat I'd kill myself.
- What? - I want you to do it.
Floyd, it's okay to be fat.
It's just It is? Let's celebrate.
No, no, no, Floyd.
Don't you die on meeeeeeee! My fat saved the bullet from - getting to my bloody parts.
- Ohh! I guess it is okay to be fat! Well, thank you so - much for the recipes.
- Everyone! There's been a murder! It was Mr.
Pickles! - Here, doggy, doggy.
- The sheriff is some kind of a mastermind! Huh? Now, where's Mr.
Pickles? - That only boy in hat.
- Help! I can't see! Huh? Aah! Huh? Me back up, horrified.
Aah! Me no like that smell! Uh, what's happening? I can't see! Last chance you find dog or Huh? Aah! Mr.
Pickles! I found ya, boy.
Huh? Where did you go? He was right over here where I left him, in the fire?! I'll catch you! Just jump to me! Mr.
Pickles! I saved you from the fire! Hey, my hat! Hey, a fire! Dad, you trapped Mr.
Pickles in a fire?! - But Mr.
Pickles - Looook! - What? - Now, that's how you get a fire going! I guess you are the grill master, grandpa! - Yeah! - Well, I'm looking forward to eating a normal meal.
Huh? What? Pickles?! Not just pickles they're stuffed with mayonnaise, rack of lamb, liver, melon doughnuts, whipped cream, ranch, rattlesnake, toothpaste, possum, shark, cherry cola, octopus, ice cubes Lookin' for this? [Babbles Whoa! Whoa! Ohh!
Smilton.
You are the most relentless bounty hunters in the region.
There's no smokin' in here! Ugh! For months, a dog has been sneakin' into my stables and fornicatin' with my prized racehorses.
All I know about him is he loves pickles.
Bring me his head.
Huh? Kill him! Mr.
Pickles! S01E09 Where Is Mr.
Pickles Good boy! We shouldn't be bringing Mr.
Pickles.
Last time we went to a barbecue, he killed a bunch of people and Dad, not another - "evil Mr.
Pickles" story.
- Ohh.
Are you excited to go to Floyd's barbecue, Mr.
Pickles? Now, Floyd's a bit of an oddball, so his house might be a little Oh, this must be it.
- Floyd.
Nice house you have.
- Oh, that's just an abandoned house.
Uh, I live over here.
- Oh, my.
- And this is my wife.
Oh, you.
Butter-dipped fried mayo oysters? Mmm! I'll have to get your recipe.
Sure thing.
Come with me.
Mmm! Uh, that's enough for now.
Dad, where's Mr.
Pickles? Uh, he'll turn up, Tommy.
Aw.
- Is that a whale? - No, it's a shrimp stuffed in a crab stuffed in a flounder in a turkey in a duck in a chicken in an otter in a manatee in a bear in an elephant in a whale.
It's a "shrabounturduckenottemanabearap hantale.
" Oh.
Stop, or I'll shoot! "Shpow, shpow, shpow!" Hey! I shot your kneecaps! Sheriff! Mr.
Pickles has been dognapped! Now I give Mr.
Smilton head.
Once decapitated, heads have life for up to seven seconds.
Last thing you will see is me burying your body.
Huh? Whoa! Hey! Get off my head! Pickles Die! Pickles And over here is my gravy fountain.
That's my chande-lemon meringue pie.
Oh! And this is my ranch dresser.
I keep my socks in there, too.
Well, for two telemarketers, you do better than I do.
Oh, I made my money winning wing-eating contests around the world.
Yeah.
I'm just a telemarketer 'cause it's fun.
Huh.
Places like this are great for gettin' information just got to know what to ask.
How's your mama? - Well, she's well, sheriff.
- And your daddy? - Well, he's well, sheriff.
- But we're looking for Mr.
Pi and your girlfriend, Sheena - Well? - Oh, Sheena.
- Yeah, she's well, sheriff.
- Aw.
You can't cook that whale with this little grill.
Well, I like to take my time till it's all hot and juicy.
And then you put the beef inside? And you've got a three-foot beef-filled jelly donut.
Everything you have - is related to food.
- Well, here's the gym I can't use anymore 'cause the door's been shrinking.
Floyd, the door isn't drinking.
You're getting fat.
No way.
Really? Nice to meet you, sheriff's mama.
- Well, hello there, Thomas.
- I told him we'd look for Mr.
Pickles but first I had to brush your hair.
- Huh? - Too late! But Candy always gets to brush you.
- Mama, candy made a bad face.
- No tattletalin'.
- But, mama - And no backtalkin'.
- Ohh.
- Don't you "aw" me, boy.
- Aw.
- Now you're on punishment.
Ohh.
I want to start the fire.
Now, move over! All right, grandpa.
I'm the grill master.
No, I'm the grill master.
Huh? What are you up to, Mr.
Pickles? - Ugh! - "Hi, Tommy.
- Pleased to meet you.
" - Sheriff, what about Mr.
Pickles?! Well, Tommy Sometimes a sheriff can feel a little sad sometimes a sheriff can be a little bad I tried to to find Mr.
Pickles, asked all the right questions But mama put me on punishment, and it's time for my nap Aw.
Thanks for luring him into my ambush.
I hate dogs.
Ugh.
Hey! You want to be my girlfriend? Ugh! No, I don't.
Besides, I was born without genitals.
- Mm? - Then where do you go pee-pee - and pooh-pooh? - You don't want to know.
Shut up! Aww! He's so cute! You can be my boyfriend if you go to the store - and buy more Pickles for him.
- My first girlfriend! La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Idiot.
More money for me! Now I'm gonna cut your stupid dog head off.
- Aah! My finger! - Oh.
Hey.
Uh Aw! Sheriff! Get over to the old house by Floyd's.
Mr.
Pickles is here and Oh! Huh? Well, Tommy, Mr.
Pi wait.
What is it, Abigail? My sheriff hat! Tommy stole it! Mama, we got a code 967.
- Lost your sheriff hat again? - Mr.
Pickles is at the old house by Floyd's.
Mm.
Tommy must be there with my hat.
Me find dog.
I need a jar of Pickles.
Uh-oh! The sheriff! How's your mama? You know my mama? Don't tell her you saw me.
I wasn't doing anything.
- And your daddy? - My daddy?! Uh, he wanted me to be a good boy, not a criminal.
- Uh, oops.
- And how's your - girlfriend, Sheena Well? - "Seen a whale?" Uh, yeah, she seen a whale.
It was at that fat guy's barbecue, where I used the pickles to lure the dog across the street.
Oops! Now you're under arrest.
Mr.
Goodman, I promised myself if I ever got fat I'd kill myself.
- What? - I want you to do it.
Floyd, it's okay to be fat.
It's just It is? Let's celebrate.
No, no, no, Floyd.
Don't you die on meeeeeeee! My fat saved the bullet from - getting to my bloody parts.
- Ohh! I guess it is okay to be fat! Well, thank you so - much for the recipes.
- Everyone! There's been a murder! It was Mr.
Pickles! - Here, doggy, doggy.
- The sheriff is some kind of a mastermind! Huh? Now, where's Mr.
Pickles? - That only boy in hat.
- Help! I can't see! Huh? Aah! Huh? Me back up, horrified.
Aah! Me no like that smell! Uh, what's happening? I can't see! Last chance you find dog or Huh? Aah! Mr.
Pickles! I found ya, boy.
Huh? Where did you go? He was right over here where I left him, in the fire?! I'll catch you! Just jump to me! Mr.
Pickles! I saved you from the fire! Hey, my hat! Hey, a fire! Dad, you trapped Mr.
Pickles in a fire?! - But Mr.
Pickles - Looook! - What? - Now, that's how you get a fire going! I guess you are the grill master, grandpa! - Yeah! - Well, I'm looking forward to eating a normal meal.
Huh? What? Pickles?! Not just pickles they're stuffed with mayonnaise, rack of lamb, liver, melon doughnuts, whipped cream, ranch, rattlesnake, toothpaste, possum, shark, cherry cola, octopus, ice cubes Lookin' for this? [Babbles Whoa! Whoa! Ohh!