My Babysitter's a Vampire (2011) s01e09 Episode Script

[Grunting.]
Ethan Talk to me, buddy.
You okay? Yeah, I'm great! Nothing like starting the day in some guy's armpit! Ow, ow, ow! Okay, okay! We get it, we get it.
You're the alpha male and we're not.
Just give us wedgies already so we can go, okay.
[Whimpering.]
All right, listen up, geeks.
From now on, we're best buds.
Got it? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we got it.
Wait.
What? Yeah! Awesome.
Best buds forever.
Yeah, totally cool.
Headlocks are like jock hugs.
Awesome.
See you around, Bro 1 and Bro 2! Yes! Yes! That was awesome! Which part? The love tap, or the part where I could taste his deodorant? Hmm Glide Stick.
Extreme glacier ice.
Two thousand nine.
I mean the part where we're friends with David Stachowski.
Our street cred just went through the roof! Why would a guy like him want to friend up with us? Ethan, don't look idiot jock in the mouth.
In fact, don't make eye contact at all.
Hey, wanna go out? I've got the David Stachowski seal of approval.
- Drop dead.
- See? She spoke to me.
That never happened pre-headlock! There's something about that guy [Growling.]
You mean other than the fact that he's huge and popular and awesome? Is is that a flea? - Tell me I don't have fleas.
- That's a flea.
She's the girl next door.
Nice but not in a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.
What you get is what you see.
No more "Maybe it's Maybelline" She can give you everything you need.
She's the girl next door.
Nice but not in a heart that's pure.
She's the girl next door.
Just for me.
Come on Is that one of your fledgling powers? Not a power.
Just a perk.
So, where's your new jock BFF? - Ha ha.
- I saw you back with David.
Something's weird.
It's like the lions have started hanging out with the zebras.
Ah David.
Hey, pal.
Sweet casa.
Me likey.
Who's got two thumbs, three free candy bars, and is best buds with Dave Stachowski? That's right, this guy.
I, uh, see what you mean.
It gets worse.
It's like he's inserted himself into my life.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Um, who's this? - Dave Stachowski, I'm Steven's-- - Ethan.
- Ethan's new best bud.
- He's great.
- You play sports? Yeah, I'm, uh, team captain.
Really? For what team? Oh, I don't know.
All of them.
Our champ here is a hardcore "mathlete".
That's a tough sport, right Ethan? We make him wear a helmet.
[Chuckling.]
So he eats all your food.
Not enough to break up a good bromance.
There's more.
The guy howls.
Woo-hoo! Free candy bar! [Howling.]
A lot of dudes howl.
It's a it's a jock animal thing.
I can't be the only one who's noticed how hairy he is.
[Whistling.]
Would you get my back, bud? So he's hairy.
A lot of guys are hairy.
It's a hairy guy thing.
It's basic math: Howling plus hair - plus this town equals-- - Awesome.
- Werewolf.
- Werewolf.
Ethan, not everything is supernatural.
You're obsessed.
Yeah, he's just hanging out with us 'cause he realized how cool we are.
Watch.
I'll prove it.
Ladies.
Dude's a werewolf.
Okay, we prove that David's a werewolf.
Then we figure out what he wants.
I've got better things to do than stalk back shavers.
- Like what? - Soccer tryouts.
I think she was serious.
Oh, well, in that case I'm sure it'll be fine.
I'm sorry! Forget it, muscles.
I need girls for the team-- - girls with faces.
- I think I have one of those concussion things.
- What do you call those again? - You might want to try wrestling.
Or ultimate fighting.
Let me guess-- Soccer went the same way tennis tryouts went, and volleyball, and yearbook? I'm just trying to do something! - Something so I can feel, I don't know, normal? - You don't fit in with humans anymore, Sarah.
Why keep fighting it? Come over to the hot side.
Everybody looks better with fangs.
- Put those away! - Hey, I'm David Stachowski, which you probably know, since I'm David Stachowski.
I saw you talking to my two best buds, and since you're buds - with my buds, that makes me-- - Really annoying? Oh, and maybe you should shave your forehead again.
I think you missed a spot.
[Growling.]
Hey, I'm Erica! Why don't you call me? Anytime! Ethan thinks he's a werewolf.
- I think he's a loser.
- Now he is someone I could date.
He's so cute and primal.
Rawr.
Oh, yeah, nothing like curling up with a guy and running your fingers through his back hair.
I know, right? Dude, I've got it.
A spell that will totally prove that David's a werewolf.
A K9 lupus.
One hit, and wham! Claw and tooth time.
We get it on tape, throw it on the net, two million views later, ka-chow! Bucks, babes Benny.
You left out biting and bodies.
If there's a werewolf in school, you're gonna get plenty of both.
Do you want to know if he's a K9 or not? Better to find out now, and on camera, 'cause there's a full moon on Friday.
David may be part animal, but he's all money.
Hey, guys! Who's a party animal? It's me, right? No, it's David.
Don't worry about it.
Are you having a party? 'Cause my Friday's wide open.
And Saturday.
And Sunday.
Uh, sorry, Rory.
We're going to the um, garlic and tanning bed convention.
It'd be so cool if you came, but you know, you'd burst into flames.
Next time? Yeah.
For sure.
I'll see you guys later.
- Harsh, dude.
- Had to be done.
If David really is a werewolf, he'd tear Rory to shreds.
Wolves and vamps are, like, archenemies.
Kind of like you and girls.
[Laughing sarcastically.]
All right, just one little spell, and things are about to get furry.
Heads up.
Awkwardness at 12 o'clock.
Gooo team hairy! David! Hey, jerk! Watch his face!! Benny, do it now! - Zap him! - Zap him? This is magic, not Star Wars.
Totally different geek universe! Domlath lupus gorkanoth.
Ah! - Benny! - Sorry, dude.
I got nervous.
Anyway, don't worry.
You're not a wolf.
You'll be fine.
Woo! Domlath lupus gorkanoth! - Oof! - Camera.
Camera! Camera! - I'm trying! - Gimme that.
Woo! Woo! Dude is so not a werewolf! Enough.
There's only one way to do this.
Cover me.
I'm going in.
What? Cover you? What does that even mean? Whoa.
Hey, Benny.
Benny! [Hard tackle.]
[Panting.]
[Howling.]
Sorry, bud.
I see a ball I go for it.
I'm fine.
Nothing a hospital can't fix.
David! David! Okay, this chick is seriously crazy.
What's her deal? We may never figure that one out.
If I were you, I'd run.
I want a love tackle! David, I love you! So, uh, no on the wolf out, but I did get great footage of you getting absolutely owned.
Perfect for YouTube! - David's definitely a werewolf.
- What? No, my wolf reveal spell didn't work.
He's fine.
No, trust me.
He's a wolf.
I saw it.
I had a vision.
Then, uh you've got a big problem.
[Startled yell.]
Please tell me I'm not going to turn into some kind of werewolf jock! No way.
It doesn't work like that.
You'd be a werewolf geek.
Benny.
Benny.
I think I'm changing.
I chased a car this morning--17 blocks! I only lost it when it went on the freeway.
Would you relax? I checked in with Professor Google.
You have to be bitten by a werewolf when it's a wolf for the curse to pass on.
You just got scratched by David when he was in jock form.
[Both.]
: Hey, Sarah.
Hey.
Your pal David's a real charmer.
Well, he is your ancestral enemy.
Or maybe he's just a jerk.
Little Miss Neck Biter has trouble believing in werewolves? Whoa, whoa, Ethan, what's gotten into you? Who are the ancestral enemies now, huh? What'd you call me? Whatever.
Don't get your fangs in a twist.
So, um moving on That symbol you saw, I looked it up last night.
And get this.
It's for a reversal cure.
A cure?! Does it work for other curses, like a vampire curse? - Why? Soccer team have a strict "no blood sucker" policy? - It might work on other curses.
David's probably trying to find it before the full moon tonight.
We're ditching class.
You are helping me find this cure now.
We are not done.
[Growling.]
Hello, my hairy soul mate.
Goodbye, my crazy stalker girl.
Our destinies are intertwined.
We're doomed to a torrid forbidden romance until your pack tears you apart for violating their ancient laws.
You got that off the back of a book, didn't you? Not "a" book; "the" book.
Dusk V, if you really want to know, which you do, since it's so great, and you should read it.
You know, I was just on my way to the bookstore now.
It's like Romeo and Juliet, but with pointy teeth and no tights.
- What are you doing here? - Checking to see if you're coming to the big par-tay tonight.
- What party? - Ethan and Benny were talking about David being a total party animal, and E's parents are always on these lame date nights - on Friday-- - Ah.
They're having a party with David, and they didn't invite me? Yeah! How could they throw a party, and not invite you? Hey, honey! Guess who got two lalast-minute tickets to "Curling, The Musical"? Don't worry, buddy.
Your new pal David's already here.
He can help you watch Jane.
- What? - Wow, look at you guys, all dressed up and places to go.
- Killer timing, champ! - Aw, yeah! [Grunting.]
Okay, so anyway, I know it's a full moon tonight.
Let's not do anything too crazy.
- Night, guys.
- Bye.
See ya.
- So, bud, I've got a, uh-- - Dude.
I know that you're a werewolf, and I know that you're here after some kind of cure.
So you do have the gift.
I knew it! Or you're the most obvious werewolf ever.
I didn't need a gift to see this.
You know there's a pill for fleas now, right? All right, let's cut to the chase.
I became your friend because I'm hoping your second sight might help me find the cure.
All I saw was a symbol, but I don't know what it means.
[Whining.]
Listen, it's the full moon, man! You want me to turn into a snarling beast? Well, I-- You have no idea how hard it is holding it in.
I want to be me again.
Try not to hurt people and rip them apart and crush their twig-like limbs.
Just hold that thought, okay? [Nervous chuckling.]
[Frustrated growling.]
[Door closing.]
[Grunting.]
That's the magic spot! All right, I checked with every nerd I know, and no one can figure out how to decipher this symbol.
That's like six metric tonnes of "geekitude", and nothing! Benny, I really need this cure! So I have no choice but to pull out the big guns.
What, is that, like, a secret website? It's totally secret.
Excuse me for a second.
Ethan? It looks like you're in the trunk of a car.
Are you? Are you trapped in a car trunk again? Benny, it's happening.
Ethan, we really need to know what this means.
I don't know.
It's a reversal cure.
Maybe try looking at it backwards? Baharoth? Great.
That makes so much sense now No, no, no.
It totally does.
A baharoth is, like, a magic circle of stones.
[Ethan.]
: Wait.
I've seen that! In the park behind your house.
Ethan, whatever you do, do not tell David.
I need to get there first.
David really wants that cure.
He's not into the whole werewolf thing.
Yeah, well, just keep a lid on it.
Thanks, Benny.
You're super awesome.
Any time, Sarah.
[Ethan.]
: Is she gone? Oh, dude! Harsh! Thanks! Thanks for making me feel better! Oh, wait.
This might actually be my fault.
That spell I hit you with, what if that's what's making you wolf out? Did you say it backwards - again?! - Oh, no.
I made you a werewolf! I'll be right there! Just [Doorbell.]
Wow! Dude is fast! [Music playing.]
Now it's a party, because the party animal's here.
It wasn't a party before I arrived, just so we're clear.
Where's that hairy "manimal" of mine? Tonight he defies his werewolf nature and confesses his true undying love for me.
- You're weird.
- You're short.
I'm eight.
- He's over there.
- Hey, manimal! I'm here! Ohhhh, perfect! Where's Ethan? Hey! He's having party and he didn't tell me? You dog! Dog? [Grunting.]
Oh, dude.
Oh, not your vintage Galactitac sheets! You might pee on them! Benny, just stay away, okay? The moon I'm - changing! - Okay, relax.
I did this.
I can fix it.
All right? [Ethan grunting and panting.]
Corvus trigon [Ethan grunting.]
[Panting.]
I'm still hairy! Okay, dude.
Chill.
You're cured.
Trust me.
The hair will fall out.
Now come on.
I gotta get you to the party and find the real werewolf.
What? Who's having a party? You are.
Now let's go find David.
I'm finally going to be human again! [Howling.]
[Music playing.]
Hey, Sarah! Guess who's the party animal now? Here's a hint It's me! [Howling.]
Oh, yeah! False alarm.
Just an idiot.
[Frightened yell.]
Hey.
Is that the VIP room? [Roaring.]
Don't hurt me.
I just want to make you famous.
- And me rich! - Use him like a chew toy! I thought we were friends! [Roaring and growling.]
[Snarling and hissing.]
Hey, what's happening? [Screaming.]
Bad dog! [Whining.]
No! - What did you do? - I cured him.
How would you like it if I went around curing all of your boyfriends? Ethan?! Really?! Eww! So not looking! Where's David? [Snorting.]
That's David? Ugh.
That is so lame.
Great.
Just what the internet needs.
A cute animal video Hey.
I just wanted to say thanks for saving me.
You know, you could have saved yourself.
I I didn't know you care so much.
Don't get too excited.
I thought you were David.
Besides, you were about to eat your whole nerd squad.
Yo.
Get a load of us.
- Speak of the devil.
- He's teaching me everything he knows about getting chicks.
It's true, not every guy can pick up a girl as beautiful as you.
- Yeah? - You were ready to give up your cure for me.
Let me thank you properly.
Fetch! [Barking.]
Sorry, I'm just not a dog person.