Parenthood s01e09 Episode Script

You will never guess who I keep running into.
Jim Kazinsky.
Oh, Jim Kazinsky! He was real cute.
Oh, my God.
You're more beautiful than I remember you.
Really? - Yeah.
Stop talking.
Oh, I got it.
It's not me.
It's you.
Exactly.
It's not you.
It's me.
Daddy.
This is Steve.
It's really good to meet you, sir.
Whassup? You robbed me of five years of my son's life.
Why don't you come join me in the living room? There's something I want to show you.
Well, you want to tell me how this happened, bug? You know Skippy from next door? He ran in and knocked it down.
Huh? You know the Monroe's don't have a dog anymore.
Skippy came back.
Skippy's Mmm Skippy went to the country after that thing with the car.
I don't think he's coming back.
Well, he did.
Joel, don't.
Whoever broke it will clean it up.
Skippy doesn't know how to clean, Mom.
Skippy didn't break the vase, bug.
Yes, he did.
I saw him.
There's no excuse for lying.
But you're a liar.
No, baby, I'm a lawyer.
Harmony's mom said they're the same thing.
Just tell me the truth.
Did you break the vase? No.
Did you? Hey, is that periodic table test today? No, it's actually Monday.
Cool.
Yeah.
Look.
"Let the games begin.
" Jeez.
You know, they should just use the money for the dance, for like a vending machine or something.
Actually, I was going to go.
I mean, why not, right? Yeah, yeah.
See ya.
Okay.
Does it even matter what I wear to a school dance? It's a school dance.
Of course it matters, because Lindsay is there.
And you've had a crush on Lindsay for forever.
And you are like, in love with her.
You aren't supposed to say that.
If you don't look good, she's not gonna be into you, she's not going to date you.
This is something I know about.
I need you to pick five schools because we are going on your college tour.
There's a bunch of catalogs here, so I really think this is cute.
Wait a second.
College tour? I thought we couldn't afford it? Yes.
No, well, I picked up extra shifts, 'cause I think it's important.
And you're going to come work with me tomorrow night.
Oh, at the bar? No, we have a catering gig at Cal.
Hang on, this is in the top choices, okay? And it's a poetry reading, and so you're going to get to see the school.
Poetry reading? I'd actually rather sell an organ, but thanks for inviting me.
Well, you know what, if you don't change that attitude, it may come to that, because I don't think you need both livers anyway.
What about this? Excuse me, why do you think That's not good.
Why do you think that me giving little tiny hors d'oeuvres to English majors is going to make me want to go to college? Well, what is going to make you want to go to college? I mean, you don't seem to feel the pressure.
Nothing, 'cause I don't want to go.
You don't seem to get that this is the year.
This is your junior year.
I don't think that white's a good idea for the dance.
This is the difference between "Paging Dr.
Braverman" or "Do you want fries with that?" Dr.
Braverman? Really? Really? Dr.
Braverman? This is the year.
Yes! Yes, it's possible.
I don't think so.
If you just I wouldn't get your hopes up.
Just pick out five schools, Amber.
Listen, hang on.
I think it's gonna be this one.
Why is it so hard? That's cute.
Wear that.
It's cute, right? This is the one that I like the best.
I chose this from the very beginning.
Listen, if you're going to wear a t-shirt, wear a blazer, okay? You look so cute in a blazer.
Thank you.
Oh, God! E.
T: Elliott.
Oh, come on.
He didn't even make it to the flying bikes part.
Oh, it's too late.
You don't want to wake him up? Uh-uh.
Here, I'll grab him.
Okay.
Okay.
Here you go, buddy.
Good night.
I should go.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh.
Hi, honey.
Guess what? Guess what? ADAM: Hello, honey.
Guess what? What? Denise just called, and she is announcing her candidacy for Lieutenant Governor in Sacramento this weekend.
Really? That's great.
Good for her.
I know.
It's amazing.
Yeah.
And she wants me to come down and help her out.
You know, like help her with her speeches and things like that.
Just like old times, huh? Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, I told her there's probably no way with everything that's going on with Max, and he's getting acclimated with Wait, wait, wait.
You said no? Yeah, I told her no.
But it's just for the weekend.
Yeah, like three days.
Well, honey, this is major.
It's huge.
I mean, you were with her from the beginning.
So, should I do it? Are you telling me to do it? Yeah.
Really? It sounds to me like the future Lieutenant Governor needs you.
Honey, that is so awesome.
I won't be gone longer than that, I promise.
What is this? I don't know.
It's a little something-something that came in the mail today.
I think I know what this is.
I think you do, too.
Wow.
Nice.
You dirty dog.
Honey.
Woof.
I hope it fits me.
This left boob is a little bit bigger than the right.
I like that right there.
What inspired this little bit of naughtiness? What are you talking about? What do you mean? What do you mean, what do I mean? What do you mean, what do I mean? Wait.
What do you You ordered it.
No, I didn't.
You didn't? No, I didn't order this.
Did you look at the package? Did it come Hmm H.
Braverman.
Haddie? Haddie! Get it off me! Get it off! Get it off! Hey.
Oh, hey, honey.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Hey, is Max awake yet? Yeah, I think he's just changing.
Oh, okay.
Good.
Oh, before I forget, a package came for you yesterday.
From Victoria's Secret.
It got opened accidentally, I'm not sure how, I just Mom? Hmm How would a package with my name on it get opened accidentally? Well, I think your father assumed that it was for me.
So, therefore, he opened it.
Oh, that's really gross.
Anyway, he threw it away.
So, it doesn't matter.
What? Mmm-hmm.
He was going to burn it but, you know, he figured, probably not a good idea.
Mom.
Mom, I spent my money on that.
That's expensive.
I know that you did.
That's why I rescued it.
Thank you.
So, Haddie, can I just ask you a question? Why would you buy yourself a bra like that? I'm not gonna talk about this with you.
Okay, you know what, that's fine.
You're gonna have to talk to Dad about it then.
Because he's really curious as to why you would buy Oh, you would not do that.
Yes, I would.
I'll call him right now.
All right.
What do you want to know? Just ask.
Did you buy that bra for Steve? Mom.
Hmm? You know Steve doesn't have boobs.
I'm not going to buy him a bra.
Don't be ridiculous.
Haddie.
Did you buy it for Steve? No, okay.
I bought it for myself, all right? It's pretty and it's sexy and I mean, I don't know what you want to think about me, but I'm a woman.
You have to promise me something.
You have to promise me that you're being smart, and you're being careful, and you're not having sex.
What do you think sex is? I don't know, anything beyond making out or That's your definition of sex? For you.
I think I have to get ready for school.
Like you said, I can't be late again.
I trust you! What do you mean, you think you made out with her? Well, it's the mother of my child.
So, what? That somehow warped your memory? I watched the video of my son coming out of her insides.
Oh, oh, huge mistake for you.
Yeah.
Huge mistake.
Yeah.
No man should have to witness that unprepared, least of all you.
It's extreme.
Yeah.
You think you're going to recover? Does it recover? Yeah, yeah it does, in time.
So, Kristina is Ah, hey.
Okay.
So what do you think? Are you guys going to get together? You know, I think it's safer if we just stayed friends.
Yeah, it's good.
You'd better play it safe.
Yeah, good idea.
Well, look, it's not like I can walk away from this one.
Good for you, Crosby.
But then again, I'm only human.
She's very attractive.
So, I don't know.
All right, well, what does Jasmine think about all this? I don't know.
Well, have you considered maybe asking her? You know, I just I wish that we could just hang out.
You know, with no kid, just the two of us, and kind of get to know each other again.
But, you know, now the cart's in front of the horse, it's like Well, there is something that people do in situations like this.
It's called dating.
Mmm.
How is it going, Kristina? I have a couple of choices that I think might work.
Come on.
Let's see them.
Okay.
Ta-da.
How do I look? From the David Byrne collection.
Who's David Byrne? Joan Collins.
Cybill Shepherd's lost jackets.
You're making fun of me, aren't you? Were you on Dynasty? I can't do it.
It's like an episode of Hoarders.
When's the last time you cleaned that closet? Oh, my God.
You know what, my daughter has a better wardrobe than I do.
Kristina, let me find something.
We'll help you.
Oh! By the way, guess who started buying bras.
Who? From Victoria's Secret.
You? Haddie.
Uh-oh.
Oh, that's okay.
Yes.
Very sexy bras.
How bad is it? What's the lace to base? The what? If it's really lacy it means she's going further on the base-y, you know? What are you talking about? She's not doing that.
First base is kissing.
Second base is What is second base? There's a lot of lace, but she's not doing any of that.
Okay, second base is reading Tennyson.
JULIA: Of course not.
Okay, stop it.
- Okay.
And can I ask you guys something? When did your children start lying to you? Uh, it was in the hospital, I think.
Amber was born and she said, "It wasn't my vodka!" Really? Ooh, Haddie was two.
She swore to me that she did not stick a little bead up her nose.
And the doctor pulled it out and is like, "Here's the bead.
" So, this is normal? That's what kids do.
It's not something that I'm doing.
Especially in your family.
Wait, what? Especially, you know Why? Why? She'd learn it from you.
'Cause you're a lawyer.
And they lie.
Oh.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm not gonna go into it.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Listen.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
It was just a joke.
You're beautiful.
You're so successful.
You're amazing at your job.
There's no better role model out there.
I serve liquor for a living, and I didn't go to college.
And now Amber doesn't want to go, 'cause I'm such a great role model.
So Wait, Amber doesn't want to go? Hey, she's got to go to college.
She has to.
I can't make her do anything.
She's going to college.
- Yes.
Okay.
I mean, yeah.
You know what the problem is for mothers? Daughters.
Daughters.
Amen.
Hey, Drew.
Come on in.
DREW: Hey.
I Oh, thanks.
Hey, Max.
Are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine.
What's going on? Oh Okay, basically there's a school dance coming up.
And I'm really nervous about it because Why? I don't know how to dance.
That's basically why I'm here.
And I didn't want to ask someone who's going to humiliate me like my sister.
All right, Drew, say no more.
Thank you.
Look, I don't want to toot my own horn, but when I was in high school, people used to call me "Fever.
" Saturday Night Fever? John Travolta? It doesn't matter.
I haven't really seen it.
It doesn't matter.
I'll tell you what, come on, help me clear out some space here.
Let me show you a few moves.
It's just one of those things.
All right, now listen, the most important thing, you got to just relax.
All right, I'm trying.
You got to shut this off.
Turn this on.
That's all I'm saying.
Okay.
I'm really trying.
Let me find the right piece of music.
I don't know.
All right.
Okay, but Just feel the music.
No.
I mean, thank you, but Just feel the music.
No.
I meant like I meant more like slow dancing type.
I know slow dancing, but it doesn't matter what the music is.
Man, you just got to You got to feel that in your body.
Start here.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry, Adam.
Legs, arms, feet, shoulders, ribcage, all over.
You know what I'm saying? No, but, not like that.
Like with a partner type of slow dancing type of thing.
Not like Hey, you guys, Drew's got a little dance coming up.
I'm just showing him a few moves.
You know what, Drew? You might even want to throw in some big stuff, you know, some of the Oh! Oh! Oh, no.
He's going to put his back out again.
No, I like it.
ADAM: Come on, Drew.
Get out here.
The most important thing is to be confident, okay.
Yeah.
You ask a girl to dance with confidence, she can't say no.
Woo-hoo! Let me show you how it's done.
All right! Who's ready for a party? Uh-oh! Did he tell you about the "Fever"? Let me show you how it's done.
DREW: Yeah.
Once you unleash the "Fever.
" It doesn't stop.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
But, you know what, it's hard not to catch the "Fever.
" I'm doing my best.
You came all this way for a sock? Hmm.
Yeah, well, I just couldn't stop thinking about Jabbar with one cold foot Hmm.
And get frostbite and then have a limp and You know.
Thanks.
I'm sure he'll appreciate it.
Oh, good.
Good.
Look, I know this is kind of weird.
I mean, we already have a kid, and I'm kind of doing this backwards, but I want to get to know you.
I want to spend time with you, you know.
I'd like to go out to dinner with you and talk without any flying bicycles or extraterrestrials or kids.
You mean a date? Yeah.
You want to do that? Yeah, I guess.
Oh, well, I'm only taking a yes, so Yes.
Okay.
Okay.
I guess I will see you on Saturday.
I guess you shall.
How do I look? Do I look okay? Does this suit look okay? Yeah.
Yes.
It's nice, right? Okay, listen, I want you to call me if anything comes up at all.
Okay.
I need you to help Dad with Max, okay? I trust you.
Okay.
Max, honey.
Look at Mom.
I need you to be a good boy for me this weekend, okay? I need you to listen.
Yes, I already said I already said that I would.
See, why am I doing this? This is ridiculous.
Hey, hey.
Why am I going? Hey, hey, hey.
It's okay.
All right? You're going to go and you're going to kick some political ass.
Okay? I love you.
I love you, too.
All right.
You're sure, right? We're going to be fine.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yep.
All right? All right, we're proud of you, honey.
Okay.
Does she think she's going on a pilgrimage? Could you knock it off? Hey, drive safely.
Hello? Honey? Hi, honey.
Do not forget to defrost the dinner that I made for you.
I won't forget.
I won't forget.
It's meatloaf.
Okay.
This is a mistake.
No, Kristina, I want this for you, okay? Please let me do this for you.
I can handle it.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Now, get out of here.
Okay.
Okay, I'm going.
We're good.
All right.
Goodbye.
I'm leaving.
Love you.
And do you know who wrote The Declaration of Independence? Mmm, you? No, not me.
Thomas Jefferson.
You heard of him? - No.
Okay.
Well, he was one of the founding fathers of this country.
He was our third president.
And do you know what else he was? No.
He was a lawyer, as was our second President, John Adams, and many of our presidents since then.
This country was created by lawyers.
So when Harmony's mom says that lawyers are liars, she's not just absolutely wrong, she's kind of insulting America itself.
And we're Americans? And we're Americans.
That's right.
And we're an honest people.
So, think about that, okay? Okay.
Okay.
Because telling the truth is very, very, very important.
Okay.
So, is there anything that you want to tell me? Mmm When's Jabbar coming over? Jabbar's coming over tonight.
Look at all these people doing such interesting things, you know.
And look at this.
Isn't it inspiring? It's so beautiful.
I'll never get in here.
That's not true.
Do you know how hard it is to get into this school? Well, you haven't tried yet.
Just think about all the stuff that happened in the '60s and the, you know, the Nobel Prize winner people who were here.
I don't want to think about that.
And you just stay up all night, you know, talking and thinking and smoking.
Not smoke.
Don't smoke.
All right, heads up, guys.
Heads up for a second.
This is Kristina Braverman.
She helped me on my very first campaign when I ran for school board.
She helped me write my platform and basically got me elected.
Oh, I did not.
Yes, you did.
I didn't.
Okay.
Yes, you did.
Listen, she is a great asset.
Use her.
Thanks.
Busy.
Thank you so much for coming.
Oh, God.
Are you I was so happy when you said you were coming.
It's been so long.
I want to hear all about the family.
Oh, gosh, Haddie is good.
We need to catch up.
Yeah, Max is a little bit Grab a drink later? Yeah, of course.
Max has got a Oh, my God.
Listen I've got to go shake some trees.
I'm sorry.
We'll talk.
We'll catch up later.
All right? Good luck.
Should I sit here? Yeah.
So, what's going on? Is everything good? Dude, have you nailed down the Brown endorsement yet? Dude, I'm working all the angles I can.
I actually know somebody that knows Jerry.
Let me check.
Jerry Brown Or at least I used to.
Kristina? Yeah.
You can call me "Dude.
" Could you get something together on the Assemblywoman's positions on education and the environment? Actually, I think I have copies of her position papers right here.
We were thinking more along the lines of some tweets, 140 characters or less.
A tweet, huh? Do we have security for her speech tonight? All right, Max, time to turn off that TV.
I still have 20 more minutes of game time.
What? Whoa! Hold on one second there.
Max Dad, I already okayed this with Mom.
So, I'll just be home for 11:30, okay.
I turned it off for 20 minutes this afternoon.
You owe me.
Where are you going? I'm going to Steve's house.
And that is not the way it works and you know it.
Mom lets me.
His parents are home.
Don't freak out or anything.
Well, I'm not Mom, okay? And you, put on a jacket.
Do you know where the gum is? Okay, do you know where the gum is? No, I don't know where the gum is.
I'm not cold really, Dad.
Hey.
Hey.
Wait, isn't the dance tonight? Uh, yeah.
I don't know.
I'd rather just watch the Giants, you know.
Grandma's watching Project Runway.
So, can I just watch it here? All right, Drew.
Come on in.
Come on.
Drew, listen to me.
You are a Braverman, okay.
It's genetic, you have the moves.
You know what I'm talking about? They're in you.
Yeah, uh What? Yeah, that's what I'm worried about actually.
Listen, just go and check it out.
If it's hell on earth, we'll come back here.
We'll watch the rest of the game, okay? I don't know, it's just Look, I'm going to drive you, okay? It's settled.
All right? Hey, Haddie, you are going to stay home and you are going to watch Max.
Oh, you know what 'Cause I am going to take Drew to the dance.
I'd like to, but I already checked this with Mom.
So, I'm going to Steve's.
Drew, hang on a second.
Haddie? Let me talk to you for a second, okay? Now look at your cousin, okay.
He is new at this school.
He's obviously feeling awkward about going to this dance, okay.
Now, if he doesn't put himself out there, he could just be an outcast forever.
For the rest of his life? For the rest of his life, forever, okay.
Can you just do this favor for him? Watch your brother for an hour, all right, tops? Excuse me.
Okay.
Thank you.
All right, Drew.
Come on, man.
I'm going to show you how to use "The Fisherman" to reel that girl in.
Ew.
Just Please don't.
Come on.
Woo-hoo! Hello.
- Hey.
Oh, hey, Jabbar.
Hey.
We're so excited you're spending the night with us.
Yeah.
Sydney, Jabbar's here.
Oh, yeah! Hey, good to see you again.
Good to see you.
And I got a new Calico Critters Penguin.
Do you want to see? Good to see you again.
Good to see you.
What's going on here? Well, that's the vase Sydney won't admit she broke.
So, you're just leaving it there? For as long as it takes.
Yeah, that's You realize that's insane and dangerous.
We're quite aware of that.
That's why it's cordoned off.
For safety.
Oh.
Yeah, she Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thank you so much.
But I think the book was better, you know.
Yeah.
Anyway, did you see the Eggers story in McSweeney's? I don't read McSweeney's anymore, ever since they passed on my last essay.
Mmm.
Keep up the good work.
Oh, thanks.
I read it actually.
I thought it was beautiful, so funny and sad, too.
You read McSweeney's? That's impressive.
Oh, yeah.
Well I have somebody help me with the big words.
There you go.
Thanks.
You want me to go to school with those douches? Not everybody's going to be like that.
And just, you know, think of it as a way to expand your repertoire of obnoxious behavior.
Sarah? Hey.
Jim! Oh, my goodness.
Jim.
I can't believe you're here.
This is like a sign.
Like in The Alchemist, you know.
You read that book that I gave you? I haven't, but I really look forward to it.
Oh.
PROFESSOR ROMANO: Hello, everybody.
Thank you for coming.
I had such a nice time last time.
It's been a while.
And this is my daughter, Amber.
Oh, hey.
Nice to meet you.
You know, I met your brother briefly, no pun intended.
What does that mean? Um We didn't have much Jim and I went to high school together.
It was a long time ago.
A long time ago.
You look great.
Oh! So, what are you doing here? What do you mean what am I doing here? You don't know? Without further ado, our guest of honor.
Thank you.
Professor, thank you.
Well, I have a feeling that tonight is going to be a very, very special night.
Oh, boy.
Nightmare.
"The glowing red embers "of a flame that never burned.
" Thank you.
I have a new one from another collection I'm putting together.
The collection's going to be called The One That Got Away, Twice.
Although after tonight, I might re-title it Three Times the Charm.
This is called Orchid Blooming.
"Parched ground welcomes the storm.
"Moist wet petals slowly open, "beckoning the thunder.
"Yearning, shuddering, electric lightning.
"The pink orchid blooms.
" This is about flowers, right? "The cloud" I think it might be about your vag.
"is ready to spray its love.
" Mmm.
That is damn good beer.
Yeah.
Are you sure you don't want one? Well, Assemblyman Fortunato Please.
Matt.
You know why we're here.
We want you to endorse Assemblywoman Bowser.
She's going up against some very powerful people with long memories.
Yes.
So, let me ask you something.
Why did you run? What do you mean? The very first time that you ran for office, why'd you do it? Well I I guess I wanted to make a difference.
Mmm-hmm.
You ran because that refinery in Richmond was dumping hundreds of gallons of waste in the aquifer.
Remember? See, I worked for the State Water Bureau at the time.
And this man got that plant shut down alone, by himself, completely.
That was a long time ago.
Dude, I know.
It was a while ago, dude.
Anyway, here's the deal.
Assemblywoman Bowser, she wants to make a difference, too.
You know, her opponents might twit and talk on Tweet.
Chirp.
It's tweet.
Whatever, that pollution is bad, but, you know, she actually has a plan to do something about it, a solid plan.
Starting with better regulation of water waste.
You know I like her, right? I do.
I know that you like her.
But the thing is, is she can't do it alone.
See, we need your help.
You know, I've never really gotten the hang of this whole fork-spoon technique.
Well, there's a trick that I learned when I went to Italy.
And that is, order the ravioli.
Mmm.
Mmm-hmm.
You went to Italy? Mmm-hmm.
Just for a few weeks.
Jabbar loved it.
Mmm.
You should have heard him sing O Sole Mio with the gondolier.
It was really cute.
Man, I wish I had.
Oh.
Sorry, it's my sister.
Hello? JULIA: Hi, I'm so sorry to bother you.
But, it's Jabbar.
I want to go home.
He wants to go home.
Okay, he's okay, though, yeah? He's upset about something.
He won't tell me what's happening.
He says it's an emergency.
Okay, we'll be right there.
Okay, great.
See you soon.
All right.
What happened? Jabbar wants to go home.
I think he's scared.
Check, please! All right.
Let's just drown our sorrows in some junk food and baseball.
We should be able to catch those late innings.
Hey, how'd it go? Well, I took your dad's advice about confidence.
I went up, I asked her to dance, and she shot me down.
Said she didn't want to, like, leave her friend or something when I asked her to dance.
Oh.
Well, you know, maybe her friend was jealous or something.
Like maybe her friend liked you.
I don't know.
Sorry.
Okay, I'm going to go.
You can't go.
Max is in bed.
And you're home.
Yeah.
Well, Max could wake up.
And I might have to leave on an emergency or something.
You can't go.
You have to stay here.
Dad? Yeah? Are you seriously going to keep me here because I'm wearing this stupid bra? Of course not.
It's a bra.
So? Yes, I am.
Okay.
Well, you know what? If you don't want me to leave the house while I'm wearing this bra Haddie.
Then you don't have to worry about it.
Haddie, what are you doing? I'm trying to make you happy, Dad.
If you don't want me to leave wearing this, then I don't have to wear it.
Haddie.
You can rest easy.
And I'll see you at 11:30.
Haddie.
Haddie, get back in here right now.
What? We made a deal.
Haddie, if you leave this house Want a soda? Hi.
Sorry to interrupt your date.
Hey.
I don't - Where is he? Mommy! Crosby! Hey! What happened, buddy? Can we go home now? What happened? Nothing.
What's the matter? I just really need to go home now.
Okay, is it something you need to do at home? Yeah.
Yeah? I need to go poop at home, bad.
Okay.
It's He's okay.
Yeah.
Hey, Max, stay in the back! Nope! Too late! Drew, can you ask him to get in the back? Listen to Drew! DREW: Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey.
Oh.
Hi, Adam.
Hey, is Haddie here, by any chance? Yeah, she's upstairs with Steve.
Ah.
Is everything okay? Yeah.
Yeah.
We just had a small emergency at home and she has to Yeah.
Anything we can do? No.
No.
Thanks.
You mind if I just go get her? No, not at all.
Uh, sure.
Okay.
Where is she? Just Upstairs.
Upstairs? Is that where Steve's room is? Yeah.
Yeah.
Hello? Oh! Hey, Adam.
What's up? Mr.
Braverman.
What are you doing here? You are coming with me right now.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
Haddie.
Mmm-mmm.
Okay, I'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
Right now.
Come on.
It's all good.
You have everything? See you later, Adam.
Mr.
Braverman.
Ridiculous.
Get downstairs.
Thank you.
MARJORIE: Thanks for coming.
No, no.
No, okay, thanks.
It was good to see you.
DALE: Bye.
Hey! What? Hey.
What? Don't touch me! Oh, my God.
Get in the back seat.
Get in the back seat.
Don't talk to me! I don't think I can do this.
You can do it, honey.
Yeah, Aunt Julia's is a great place to go.
You just don't focus so much on the going.
Maybe, um Ooh, let's sing a song.
Jasmine, do you know a song? Yeah.
I know a song.
The wheels on the bus go round and round Go round and round Round and round Round and round The wheels on the bus go round and round All through the town And the doors on the bus go open and shut And the people bust out like crazy English soccer fans Soccer fans That's not how the song goes! I did it! You did it! I did it! All right! You did! Yeah! Good work! There you go.
English soccer fans always works.
Nice job.
I can't get over it.
Jim Kazinsky is a published author.
He used to copy off me in 10th grade.
That's cool.
Writing a bunch of poems about a big loser getting laid by a hot lady.
You know what? That's not nice.
He's not a loser.
He's such a special guy.
He might not be, you know, my soul mate.
But he's talented.
I guess I was probably just grossed out that I had to hear, like, fifteen billion poems about my mother's vagoozle.
You know, it's not the point.
The point is, this is a guy who read Dylan Thomas in high school and was inspired and then followed his dream.
And look at what he's achieved, you know.
I mean, that's what I want for you, you know.
That's why I brought you to this school.
You just can't give up on yourself.
I mean That's living proof.
You just can't You can't give up on yourself.
Are you sure you want to stay? Yeah, we're in the middle of a Chutes and Ladders tournament.
Okay, give me a hug.
Take no prisoners.
Okay.
Come on.
Okay.
You will not hear from me again tonight.
- Let's go.
- Thanks.
- Come on, Julia.
- Okay, okay.
English soccer fans? Yeah, well, you started it with the whole doors opening and shutting.
That's how the song goes.
That's not how the song goes.
Yes, it is.
For real? For real.
Okay.
Well, it inspired me.
Good.
It inspired you.
You inspired me.
I inspired you? Yeah.
Really? Big time.
Are you trying to use my poop song as a way to make your move? Yeah.
What do you think? Um, I don't know.
Well, you haven't really made a move yet.
I can't tell you.
What the hell were you thinking? Dad, what was I thinking? I mean, what were you thinking? I told you to stay at home and you just took off.
Yeah, well, you were being totally unreasonable.
I don't care if I'm being unreasonable, Haddie.
You're 15 years old.
And you live in my house, so you do what I say, when I say it.
Really? I do whatever you say, no matter what? Yes, no matter what.
Okay, so if you tell me to shave my head, I have to do it.
Yes.
If you tell me to murder somebody, then I have to do it? Yes.
Keep it coming.
More! Dad, if you tell me to burn this house down, then I have to do it? Yes.
If I tell you to burn down the house, you have to burn down the house.
Dad! Okay.
Dad, Mom told me that I could go to Steve's house.
Then you told me that I had to stay home and watch Max for a little while.
And I did.
Right.
But then you came home and told me that I couldn't go to Steve's house because you didn't like the kind of bra I was wearing.
I admit that was, uh, inconsistent.
Inconsistent? I'm concerned about you, Haddie.
You are a hypocrite.
You would totally let Drew hang out with his girlfriend.
You would drive him to hang out with his girlfriend.
But because I'm a girl, you treat me like I'm 12 years old.
It's because you're my daughter.
Okay? And you're not wrong.
There is a double standard.
Yeah.
And it's not fair.
Thanks.
But, then again, neither is the world.
Okay.
Well, that's ridiculous.
That's the way it is.
Hey.
Hey.
Oh, man.
It's 10:16.
So what? Well, I told Julia that I'd pick Jabbar up at 10:30.
We'll just be a few minutes late.
We're talking about Julia here, you know, my crazy sister.
She'll use this as a teachable moment and probably hold Jabbar hostage until I learn to be punctual.
I probably shouldn't go with you, then, because Jabbar'll wonder why we're still together.
Right.
Yeah.
All right.
Okay.
Um, good plan.
I will go super-fast Okay.
and then I'll see you in a few minutes.
Okay.
That was really fun last night.
I'll be back.
Fine, I did it.
I broke the vase.
Are you happy now? No, I'm not happy.
You won, okay? You won.
Sweetie, it's not about winning and losing.
It's about being honest.
You win.
I lose.
I'll go pick it up.
Okay.
Okay.
Dad, where's the broom? Pantry.
All right.
Who was that person? I didn't recognize her at all.
That's funny.
What is that supposed to mean? Yeah.
Joel? What's that supposed to mean? No, no.
I'm not falling for this.
You dropped the Berkeley College catalog in front of me.
And you think I'm going to get all excited, but then you're going to break my heart when you tell me you decided not to apply.
So, I say, "Whatever.
" Hmm.
So, first of all, it's not really reverse psychology if you tell me what you're doing.
And second of all, it's not for me.
It's for you.
What are you talking about? I think you should apply to Berkeley.
What? Well, why not? If Jim Kazinsky can get people all hot and bothered about his poetry, then anything is possible, right? Just don't give up on yourself either, okay? Hi, there.
Hey.
Hey.
What you reading? I read that one.
How's the adjustment back into family life treating you? It's good.
Yeah? Yup.
I missed you.
I missed you, too.
A lot.
Mmm.
So, um Yeah? Denise wants me to come with her to LA next week or a couple of fundraisers.
Cool.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's cool.
She also offered me a full-time job as her Communications Director.
Uh, congratulations.
That's great.
Thank you.
Uh Mmm-hmm.
What did you say? Well, I told her that I would think about it.
And I would talk to you.
Of course, I So you want to do it.
Kind of.
I don't know.
I mean, honey, I love our kids.
And I love you and I love being a mom.
I love all of that.
Uh-huh.
Right.
But, honestly, when I was there, I felt so I felt so alive.
And it was just amazing.
It was like I was being seen for the first time in so long, you know.
I get it.
I get it.
Okay? But I want you to know, I see you.
I know.
I know you do.
But you see me in a different way.
I know.
Hmm.
All right.
What? So, we'll figure this out.
Really? Yeah.
Um You know, we'll need some help here at the house.
Yup.
And I'II, uh I'll call my mom.
I think that she'll be up for staying here a couple nights a week.
Mmm-hmm.
And, you know, we're going to need to get somebody on the hook to make sure Max makes it to all his therapies and Haddie gets to all her sporting events.
And I can also come home from work early once or twice a week.
And I can start to work more from home in the morning.
We'll work it out.
Mmm.
Get some groceries delivered.
Figure it out.
Yeah.
No, you know what? What? Honey, this isn't the right time.
I'm not going to do it.
Kristina This isn't the right time.
Max and Haddie need me here.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Kristina.
No, no.
I don't want you to look back on this and feel like you missed out on something.
I won't.
I won't.
This is a no-brainer.
You know, I mean, there'll be other campaigns.
And our kids are only going to be kids for so long.
And I can do it later.
Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure.
All right, why don't you tell me about this meeting? Um, it was awesome.
It was so cool, honey.
You would have been so proud of me.
I, um I was awesome.
I was awesome.
Really? You should have seen me.
I was just I was in my element.
Yeah?