Partners (2014) s01e09 Episode Script

1 Michael? Can't help but notice you haven't accepted my friend request yet.
Oh, haven't I? I think it'll help productivity, make our inter-office communication - much more efficient.
- Let me do that right away.
Thank you! I'm still waiting! (Computer beeps) Go ahead, open it up! Okay! ("Chopsticks" plays) (Laughing) Did you know a parrot can do that? Wait'll you see the break-dancing baby.
He is poopin' and lockin'.
Unfriend and block.
(Theme music plays) Mama said she didn't raise no fool One mind apart is never stronger than two I'm about the life, about to come on strong Come on come on, come on, come on Whoa, yeah One mind apart is never stronger than two Whoa, yeah Mama said she didn't raise no fool.
So when precious told me about this big developer that was trying to force her to sell her house, I said of course you'd help.
I mean, she's a widow and on a pension.
She can't afford a lawyer.
Then clearly she's our ideal client.
I've been getting these nasty letters, and they're all signed, "respectfully yours, Howard Adler.
" Howard Adler? He's brilliant.
He's unrelentingly vicious and a dear, dear friend.
Precious, what they're offering you seems like a fair price.
My advice is just take the money and run.
Well, that would be the wrong advice.
Well, you get what you pay for.
Okay, Louis and I raised our family in that house.
We can't just roll over.
Why don't you call him? Well, I could try, but when Howie sets his sights on something, sooner or later, he's gonna figure out a way to get it.
He's a pit bull.
No, literally.
He had the jaw of a pit bull implanted in his own mouth.
Look, I'll contact this Howard "Assler.
" Pushing people out of their homes, that's just wrong.
Thank you, Marcus.
Doug, when you're through there, you can start on the windows in the lobby.
On it, boss.
And as far as you calling me "boss.
" - Yeah? - I really like it.
Carry on.
All I'm saying is we should be honest with her.
She doesn't stand a chance in this thing.
Oh.
Hello.
Didn't see you there.
The one on the left is Colombian, the other is Guatemalan.
You sound like my mother introducing the help.
Very helpful, thank you.
Who's the illustrated man? That's Doug.
Marcus hired him.
Hired without consulting me? Since when do you hire people without talking to your partner? Since whenever I want.
Besides, hiring Doug was a deal I made way before I knew you, back when I was happy.
You hired him months ago? Were you afraid he'd was gonna get snatched up by Taco Bell? Having a job was a condition of Doug's parole.
That's funny.
I could swear he just said "parole.
" Oh, but that couldn't be, because that would mean you hired a convict! Ex-convict.
And keep your voice down.
Doug, I want you to meet my partner, Allen Braddock.
Allen, this is Doug.
Really appreciate this opportunity, sir.
It's hard for a guy like me to get a job, but Mr.
Jackson had faith in me.
I won't let you down.
Yes, well, we're all pulling for you, Doug.
Marcus is a Prince among men, isn't he? (Chuckles) A moment of your time, sire? I want him gone before I finish this sentence.
He's still here.
Calm down.
All he did was give his cousin a ride to the bank.
He didn't know he was gonna rob it.
Dear God.
You've hired a murderer.
Really? Is that what you heard? Look, Doug's a good guy from the neighborhood.
He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Clearly.
He got caught! Doug deserves a second chance.
We're not in the business of second chances.
That's a job for Jesus.
He made a bad choice.
I make bad choices all the time.
You're still working here.
Hey, Marcus, I just got off the phone with Howie, and I got him to raise his offer on precocious' house.
It's "precious.
" And so what? She don't wanna sell.
So we're done talking about it.
Marcus, I just got reservations for Laura's birthday dinner at Schwa.
Schwa? How did you manage that? I've been trying for months.
It's under "Winfrey, part of five.
" Did you get the necklace? Oh, yeah, yeah, uh This was my grandmother's necklace.
Now I'm giving it to Laura.
- Oh, it's stunning.
- Yeah.
When my brother was 21, my grandfather gave him 1,000 shares of xerox.
- What did you get? - A card.
It said "do better.
" So he's still waiting on that.
- Hi, everybody.
- Oh, Lizzie.
I'm here to study, which means I'll be watching a movie on my iPad, so let's agree to not bother me.
Yes, your mother told me you're failing English, which, thanks to texting, now makes it your second language.
Listening to you talk gives me an idea.
A leaf blower, but for people.
Lizzie, that's the first sign of entrepreneurship I've heard come out of you.
I'm all done in there.
I'm gonna go clean the bathroom.
When did you get a houseboy? That's Doug.
He's my personal assistant, go-fer, and boy Friday.
- Yes, he's an ex-con.
- Awesome! No, not awesome.
You stay away from him.
I already worry that most of your adult life will be spent in liquor aisles deciding if that night's dose of regret should be cork or screw-top.
Screw.
Veronica, what did you find out about Doug? Is he the cold hardened criminal I thought he was? I found out the home address Doug gave is actually a PO box.
Also, the cell phone Doug has is disposable.
So No address, and the phone's a burner.
Boy, I knew this guy was trouble.
Damn my uncanny ability to always be right.
Good news is I met a very handsome man who asked me to play "lazy civil servant and impatient customer.
" Tonight, my job will be to "track his package.
" (Laughs) I've never met an ex-con before.
Got any other tattoos? Did you get to keep the orange jumpsuit? Can I have it? Was the food gross? Did you have to pee in front of everybody? An aversion to studying and an attraction to criminals.
At least I'll save on college tuition.
Oh, can I get some of that money up front? Marcus, I have some hard-hitting questions I'd like to put to Doug, if that indeed be his name.
I'm curious "Doug.
" Why didn't you tell Marcus that your address was a PO box instead of a physical address? Was it to make yourself harder to locate? Hmm?! Actually, until I have enough money for rent, I'm staying at the men's shelter on fifth.
Oh.
Then riddle me this.
Why is your cell phone disposable? Might it be to make your nefarious calls impossible to trace?! Hmm?! I got 45 bucks when was I let out of prison and no credit.
A disposable phone's all I could afford.
I'm sorry if I caused any problems.
Believe me, you're not the problem.
By the way, I found this watch in the men's room.
I don't know whose it is.
An expensive watch accidentally found in the bathroom.
Yeah, yeah, this must be mine.
I might have left it there by accident.
I bet you did.
Might it be you that you planted your watch just to see if Doug would take it? Shame on you.
Shame, shame, shame.
Oh! Oh, relax, we could power the entire office by the wind you're blowing.
I can't believe you'd stoop this low.
As if Doug hasn't been through enough.
And you tempt him to steal? Shame.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I understand, Mr.
Braddock.
Considering my past, I wouldn't trust me either.
I get it.
Doug? It appears I owe you an apology.
It's okay.
No, no, I misjudged you.
I'm sorry.
Marcus, what do you say we invite Doug to join us for Laura's birthday dinner tonight? I appreciate it, but I got a little bit of work to finish up.
Well, your loss, it's a very exclusive Sushi place.
The waiters are so snobby, they serve eye rolls.
(Chuckles) You see what I did there? $475 for dinner, and we still hungry.
What the hell? Dad? Where's the TV? Where's the DVD and the Xbox? The microwave is gone.
And my good China! And my red velvet cake.
Took me four hours to make.
Oh, he is dead.
I'll call the police.
And I'll draw up a list of possible suspect.
You don't know it was Doug.
He did know that we weren't gonna be here tonight.
And he is a criminal who went to prison for stealing.
That's circumstantial.
Marcus, I realize this must be devastating.
- Allen? - But I would like to point out - Allen.
- The fact that I was Allen, I'll give you 100 bucks not to say it.
Right! I was right! Some things are worth more than money.
Man: So what else is missing down here? Our computer, two laptops, phones that were recharging, and our TV.
- My Zeichenkohle is missing.
- Your what in what? - A pen.
- It's not just a pen.
Zeichenkohle is the rolls royce of writing instruments.
- Approximate value? - $1,000 looks like you got robbed twice.
In here, well, the television is missing.
They've knocked over a computer.
They took everything.
TVs, laptops.
They even cleaned out my medicine cabinet.
They took all my jewelry and the birthday presents, including your grandmother's necklace.
Damn it.
Baby, that was supposed to be your birthday present.
I'm sorry.
Let me check our video surveillance system.
Which was also stolen.
Do you have any idea who might have done this? All: Doug! You guy are so cynical.
Does anybody know where we can find this Doug? He'll be here for work in the morning.
No doubt riding in on a unicorn.
(Telephone rings) Braddock and Jackson.
Jackson and Braddock, depending on who's standing over me.
Is that Doug? Marcus, will you wake up and smell the betrayal? This guy is clearly not coming back.
The police checked the fifth street shelter.
No one ever heard of Doug.
What? Now will you admit that I'm right? Fine.
You're right.
Are you happy now? Why don't you go on and do your little happy dance where you look like Frankenstein passing a kidney stone? Where you do this here.
(Grunts) And then you put that little smug face with it? Must be so nice to be right.
Leave it to him to take all the fun out of being right.
What are you doing? Getting ready to go shoot some hoops.
Thought you had a meeting with that rep from the teachers' union.
Canceled it.
I'm done helping people who use me.
Michael, cancel all my appointments that aren't paying in cash.
- How many do I have left? - None.
Cancel them, too.
Marcus, if this is about Doug, I think you're overreacting.
No, I'm over these people.
You were right.
I know.
About what? Looking out for number one.
I put my family in danger trying to help Doug.
From now on, I'm looking out for me and mine.
No, that's who I am, not who you are.
That's who I am now.
And it feels good.
Oh! Check this out! Oh! "This award is presented to Marcus Jackson for his dedication to" blah blah blah blah blah.
Watch this.
From downtown.
The city council gave you that to honor you for your service.
I don't give a damn about honor.
I want the money.
This is a bizarre alternate universe.
Marcus, precious just got another letter from that lawyer.
He says he's gonna get the city to declare eminent domain and take my home.
So? What should she do? Take the money and run.
- Marcus! - Move on.
I thought you were one of the good guys! - Really? Ruth? - I'll talk to him.
I'm sorry.
I have never seen Marcus act like this.
Allen? What did you do? Apparently, this this whole thing with Doug has turned Marcus into another me.
Only much darker.
I didn't mean it like that.
Veronica, any luck locating Doug? I get tip from sleazy owner of a pawn shop on the east side.
He says Doug may hock the goods there tonight.
Also he said I look like Katy Perry.
I will exploit this.
(Chuckles) Sounds like a stakeout.
I'm gonna go with you.
I can't stand seeing Marcus like this.
It's not possible.
There are certain things an operative must do alone.
It requires iron constitution, laser focus, and primal instinct.
- I'll let you drive my Mercedes.
- Let's go.
Wonder when this guy's gonna show up.
We've been here for Wait a minute.
My watch stopped.
This $5,000 timepiece can trade stocks and monitor my cholesterol.
Yeah.
That's a knock-off.
That's impossible.
Why is your wrist turning green? Damn that Doug.
You know, this is a new experience for me.
Being on a stakeout? Well, and being alone with a guy in the front seat of a car.
You have a pretty healthy appetite for men, huh? What can I say? When you grow up without a father, sometimes it leaves a hole in your heart that only a penis can fill.
And when you grow up with a father who's a dick, it leaves a hole in your heart that only money can fill.
I like you, Allen.
I don't like a lot of people.
Oh, come on, you got a lot of friends.
Mmm, I got some.
I had a really close girlfriend once, but apparently "I know" is not the thing you're supposed to say when she tells you how good her boyfriend is in bed.
Well.
We're friends now.
Yeah.
Oh, took the liberty of bringing along a few things for us to share.
Some nice domestic caviar here and some delicate toast points.
Mnh-mnh, first rule of a stakeout never eat.
- It dulls the senses.
- Oh, come on.
Just a sip of a finely aged Châteauneuf-du-Pape can't hurt, huh? You know, can't help feeling a little bit bad about being right about Doug.
But then again, I was right about Doug.
Oh, my God, Allen, look.
It's Doug.
He's taking the stuff into the pawn shop.
(Grunts hurriedly) All right, here's our plan.
All right, I'll sneak up behind him, hide in the bush like a crouching tiger.
Then we'll leap out and surprise him what are you doing? What the hell is this? Trust me, it's safer for both of us.
Veronica! Veronica! Get me out of here! Hey, Doug! I think you have something that belongs to my employer.
Doug: I don't know who you are.
You better get out of my face! (Both grunting) Incoming Doug! Now! I got him! I got him! Oh! He's got me! He's got me! Son a bitch, that's my watch! Doug had most of your stolen items in his van, which was also stolen.
We also found this.
I knew you took it.
We stopped be here first so he could apologize to you in person.
And obviously, you want to press charges.
Marcus, my friend.
Once I found that van full of your stolen stuff, I knew if I drove it over here, it would look bad.
- So I went to the pawn - Stop it.
I can't believe I let a lying punk like you shake my faith in people.
Marcus, come on, give me another chance.
My mama didn't raise no fool.
It's true.
I know his mother well.
You'd better get him out of here before she wakes up.
Thank you for all your help, Marcus.
You're a good man.
And a good man is hard to find.
Not in this office.
- You take care, precious.
- All right, thank you, baby.
- Whoo! - See? Told you my baby was gonna come to his senses.
You know he's a heck of a lawyer.
How'd it go? Well, I told the developer that I was willing to fight it out in court.
So we compromised.
Precious gets to keep her house? Yeah, they're gonna relocate the whole house down the block.
Thought you were giving up on being the lawyer of lost causes.
Well, a cause is only lost if you give up the faith.
You know you put yourself in danger for me, right? Oh, don't flatter yourself.
I did it for the Zeichenkohle.
Zeichenkohle? This isn't a Zeichenkohle.
This is a "Zachen-hole.
" Damn it, Doug! I was just kidding.
But if you don't mind, I'd like to show you my happy dance.
Check it out.
(Grunting) Get it, get it, get it.
Michael, we are still out of creamer, and that law library is a mess.
I'm getting to it.
I'm a felon short.
Michael? That bathroom needs cleaning.
Can it wait six years? Four with good behavior? Now.
Damn it, Doug.
You ruined it for all of us.
Make sure you take a plunger.