Pickle & Peanut (2015) s01e09 Episode Script

1 Sharks, swords, yogurt, kicks Fries, smart phones, hot tubs, yeah Shades, bagels, grills, airbrush, chrome Blankets, mopeds, yes Drop top, laptop, breath mints, scars Kittens, wet skis, drive thrus, fresh Tight pants, wide screens, tacos, wheelies Freestyle, thrift stores, mini trampolines Pickle and Peanut Pickle and Peanut Pickle and Peanut Pick-pick p-p-p Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree How lovely are your branches? Oh, man, the day after Christmas is the best.
Shush now.
They can't hurt you anymore.
Hey, what's wrong, buddy? The holiday season makes everyone so happy.
Now it's over and we gotta wait another year.
No, man, you're thinking about this all wrong.
The changing of the seasons is a beautiful thing.
So come on, help me flush this garland, and we can smash those Christmas balls.
Well, another holiday down the toilet.
Oh, wait, there's one more lonely box over there.
Hm.
- Something smells rank.
- Ew, gross.
Peanut, is this yours? Oh, hello, boys.
How did this box get out here? Uh, Mr.
Mjart, why do you have a box of old cabbage and used hairbrushes? Oh, my tender boys, this is a box full of relics from an old country holiday.
Gather round, and I will tell you the tale of Cabbage Day.
Uh Many time ago, when Mr.
and Mrs.
Mjart were just baby husband and baby wife, we live in the olden country.
People from my land were humble folk.
Life was hard.
But one day of every year, there would be joy.
Cabbage Day! Every home would hang brushes and cabbage leaves in hope for a visit from Radu.
Radu.
The very handsome, hairy-chested, father of Cabbage Day.
The good and chunky townsfolk would sleep with their cabbages, so in the sneak of night, and with the touch of his magical chest hair, he would enchant the cabbages.
But these were not just extra-delicious cabbage heads.
No! In each cabbage was hidden something precious that you lost.
Oh! It was some of my favorite memories.
I have a lot of questions.
That sounds great.
When is Cabbage Day? Tomorrow.
This is amazing.
No.
Cabbage Day is no more.
Although I love Cabbage Day with all my heart, seems like everyone else has moved on to things like the internet and the apps.
- We believe in Cabbage Day.
- Yeah, people need this.
Oh, you're right.
My heart is a-throb.
You two beauties go order the cabbage.
Tomorrow we celebrate.
Yeah, we gotta keep this holiday train rollin'.
We're gonna get hardcore on some cabbages.
- Man, this cabbage website is sick.
- Only 100? Hey, I know what I'm doing, man.
We gotta make the whole town happy.
Let's add a couple of zeroes to that beast.
Well, dang, that's pretty recklessly generous of you, Pick.
Yeah, I'm always thinking about other people.
Confirm.
Mr.
Mjart is gonna be so relieved we got all these cabbages for him.
It's gonna be the best That's a butt stack of cabbages Oh, man, Pickle.
I think we overdid it by ordering that extra 100,000.
Hello, sweetie boys.
My heart is overjoyed by the sight of these cabbages.
The down side is, I am flat broke.
How do I pay back off these angry cabbage farmers? Papa fly.
I must say, I am overjoyed at your humungous cabbage purchase.
Now I can put my two boys through school.
I want to be dentist.
It's good to have dreams.
More than just dreams now that you pay me exorbitant amount of money.
Yes, about that.
We don't so much have the money.
Let's be reasonable.
I oh, I just gouge your eyes out.
- Papa.
- Boys.
- Papa.
- Boys.
- Papa, papa.
- Wait, wait! Papa, Papa, Papa! Okay, I apologize for outburst.
My two large boys have convinced me to give you 24 hours to pay.
After that, we take your store.
Boys.
Thank you for shopping Mjart Mart.
Papa, why do you want crusty old store? I don't want store, boys.
I want the ground underneath.
It is perfect soil to grow cabbages.
Mr.
Mjart, this is all my fault.
Oh, is okay.
You just got the cabbage madness.
I go back to old country now and get my old job as gold medal figure skater.
There's no way we're letting those awesomely dressed cabbage farmers take the store.
Yeah.
We're gonna throw the best Cabbage Day of all time, and sell all these cabbages.
Well, good luck on your impossible mission, boys.
I'm gonna go try on my unitard, and practice my triple axel.
Aswoosh! Happy Cabbage Day, everyone.
Buy your cabbages before it's too late.
What's Cabbage Day? Buy a cabbage, and inside is something you lost.
It's a Cabbage Day miracle! Wow, sounds great.
I'll take me a few.
- Me, too.
- Yeah, me, too.
Hey, there's nothing in my cabbage.
Of course not.
You gotta go home and sleep with it.
Then a man will come in the night to tickle your cabbages with his chest hair.
- Yuck! - Hey, no refunds.
This isn't gonna work.
Regular cabbage is kinda diarrheas.
We need magic cabbages.
We need Radu.
Mr.
Mjart whoa! Mr.
Mjart, looking good.
Yep, I still got it, boys.
Where can we find Radu? We need him if we're gonna sell all these stinky old cabbages.
Hey, smart thinking, boys.
Down side is, Radu has disappeared, never to be seen again.
What?! Oh, man, we gotta do something.
The clock is ticking.
Eighteen hours left.
Your mom's got 18 hours left.
We're goin' to the old country.
Road trip! Okay, so my phone says it's about 97 hours to the old country.
That should leave us with Radu, we need you in the men's bathroom.
We got another topper flopper situation.
Radu! - I can't believe my life - Hey, check it out.
Um Excuse me.
Just a second, guys.
This one is a fighter.
Are you Radu, the mythical father of Cabbage Day? - Radu? - Radu.
Now that's a name I didn't hear in a long, long time.
They just said it on the P.
A.
like, a minute ago.
So it is you.
That was a different life.
No one believes in Cabbage Day anymore.
Why is everyone showing us their chest hair? Hey, wait.
Mr.
Mjart? We know that hair.
He needs your help.
Boys, I can't leave here.
Cleaning topper floppers is all I have.
But you'll be saving Cabbage Day.
You two really believe in Cabbage Day, huh? - More than anything.
- Yeah, I believe in all sorts of stuff.
Hey, Mr.
Mjart, we found Radu.
My grass! - Is it really you? - Hello.
Pickle, Peanut, you have brought hope to my heart and warmth to my loins.
With Radu's magic, we'll sell all the cabbages.
I love you, Radu.
I got to set up cabbage cart right now.
Triple twirl! Hear ye, hear ye, Cabbage Day no longer stinks.
Radu is here, and he'll make your cabbage dreams come true.
Come on up and get your magic cabbages.
Each one contains your lost junk.
No one wants your stinky old cabbages.
Try one of these, my friend.
Gross.
Oh, dang, my grill.
Get your cabbage right here.
Three dollars.
Oh, wow, the rest of my mask.
Oi.
He knows his spritz.
Boys, I can feel the power of the cabbage surging through my body.
This is the greatest Cabbage Day ever.
Pickle, man, can you believe it? We're selling all these cabbages.
We're gonna save the store.
I'm sorry, guys, I don't know how to do it.
Hey, nerds, we're halfway there.
And we got three hours left, baby.
Your mother is in three hours.
Time is up.
Dimitri.
Oh, no, no, no.
No! Don't do that.
Don't do that! This is going to get so many likes.
No!! Oh, Mr.
Mjart, don't feel bad.
Yeah, Radu is right over there.
He can probably save us with his chest hair magic.
Yeah, boys, don't worry.
I got this one.
Oh, no! This is the worst Cabbage Day of all Cabbage Days.
Speak for yourself.
Oh, Radu, I'm so sorry.
Hey, bud, let's get outta here.
- Radu's super dead.
- No.
Radu.
Don't go.
Whoa, okay, buddy.
Let's just let him be.
Radu, we need you.
Come on, come on.
This will work.
Buddy, I don't think any rubbing's gonna do us any good here.
I'm gonna go get us a shovel, and get his body in the ground before it starts to stink.
Wait, Peanut.
Look.
Something's happening.
Hey, hey, something's happening over here.
I do wish we could've gouged his eyes out.
Papa.
Hello, Pickle and Peanut.
Thank you.
Your belief has saved Cabbage Day.
I love you all.
I am the ghost of Radu, by the way, if you're confused.
Don't go, Radu.
I must.
But if you ever need me again, just tug on these magic chest hairs.
Ooh! Oh, lucky! I go now.
But I live on as long as there are believers in Cabbage Day.
Ooooh! Bye, Radu.
Thank you, Radu.
I'm so happy.
Everyone, join hands.
Time to sing traditional Cabbage Day song.
Ho ho ho! There you go.
Merry Christmas.
Whew! Hey, how you holdin' up, Pick? Man, being a grocery store Santa is hard work.
I've had so many kids on my lap, it's worn smooth.
Oh, wow, so shiny.
- Next.
- Wah!! Ugh, I've had enough of this.
Just sit here on this man's lap while I finish the shopping.
Hey there, champ.
What do you want for Christmas? I I It's okay, little guy.
You can tell him.
He's Santa.
Well, I'm not actually the real Santa.
I'm a grocery store Santa.
Mr.
Mjart said you could wish for anything in the mart.
Under two dollars there, champ.
Don't get greedy.
So what's it gonna be? I want a pony.
I'm not sure we have any ponies in the store.
Elf, you got any ideas? A pony, huh? I got just the thing.
Pony Brand Mouth Drops.
Eeeee! Oh, my, you two are miracle workers.
Merry Christmas.
Makin' the magic.
Ho, ho, ho.
Who's next? Great hustle, young elf.
It helps that these kids all have really low expectations.
Who's this little fella, huh? Hey, I'm Jeffrey.
Ho, ho, ho.
Well, hop on up here, Jeffrey.
What can Santa bring your innocent soul this year? I want spring! Oh.
Ho, ho, ho.
Spring, huh? Well, let's see what my elf can muster up.
All right, Jeff, let's take a look here.
We've got some spring peas.
Spring onions.
Oh, some mattress springs.
Take your pick.
No, silly.
I want spring! What, like actual springtime? This is the middle of December.
Let me explain with music.
Green budding grasses and colorful flowers The buzzing of bees and brisk April showers Bunnies with painted eggs, that kind of thing That's why my favorite time is the spring Falling in love and becoming smitten Cute baby animals, puppies and kittens Baby birds in the nest spread their wings My only wish for Christmas is spring Green budding grasses and colorful flowers The buzzing of bees and brisk April showers Bunnies with painted eggs, that kind of thing That's why my favorite time is the spring Falling in love and becoming smitten Cute baby animals, puppies and kittens Baby birds in the nest spread their wings My only wish for Christmas is spring Oh, that's really nice.
But it says right here you can't.
- Oh.
- Sorry.
You know, I mean I wish I could help you out, but it's a sign, so, yeah.
Okay.
Well, that's the last one.
Wanna call it a day? Why the farts would you do that, Peanut? What? Come on, man.
That wish is impossible.
We're just grocery store Santas.
To make actual miracles, you gotta be at least a mall Santa or something.
Look, Peanut, there's a sweet, beautiful little person over there who's hurting.
I swear on this beard that we're gonna make their Christmas wish come true.
I think I know how we can make spring happen for Jeffrey.
I'm gonna need your help.
I'll start dying eggs, you get some cats from the dump.
I'm with you, Santa.
We're gonna knock the leotard right off that little creep.
Hey, kid.
Huh? Who said that? Hey, kid, get in the tube.
- My mom is waiting - Forget your mom.
Get in the tube! Oh, okay.
Welcome, Jeffrey, - to the wonders of spring.
- Oh! So we got your green grass, got your colorful flowers over here.
And cute kittens.
Baby birds.
You know, potentially.
And love! It's springtime for Christmas.
Ho, ho, ho, ho! Why isn't this working? We did all the stuff from the song.
Hmm.
You must be missing some crucial element.
Oh, of course.
April showers.
April showers.
Oh! It's spring! Oh, it's so beautiful! Thanks, buddies! Wheee!! Huh? Meow.
Love! Love! Santa! Oh, thank you, Santa! It's everything I imagined.
Ho, ho, ho! How did you do it, Santa? How did you do it? Man, he sure hit his head hard when he slipped in that puddle.
Oh, look.
I think he's waking up.
You guys did it.
It was spring, and it was amazing.
Oh, thank you, Santa.
Uh, so you're cool, right? You don't need an ambulance or nothin'? No, I'm so happy.
I'm goin' back in.
Uh, hmm Uh, yeah, whatever floats your boat and stuff.
Merry Christmas, Jeffrey.
Glad we could help you out.
Uh, Merry Christmas.
Don't tell your mom, okay? This just in.
It's been confirmed a cold front has combined with sulfuric acid from the fertilizer factory, and has produced a highly unstable and dangerous yellow snow.
Do not, I repeat, do not play in the yellow snow.
More tonight at 11:00.