Rita Rocks (2008) s01e09 Episode Script

Good morning, Hallie.
Hey.
Where you going? School.
I made your favorite oatmeal.
Don't you want to eat? Nope.
Well, are you sure? I thought we could, you know, sit down and chat a little bit.
You know, you've been kind of distant lately.
Is everything okay? Yep.
What's the matter, you couldn't think of a shorter word? Eh.
"No, Mom.
I'm doing great.
Have you lost weight?" "Well, maybe just a little.
Thank you for noticing.
" "Well, thank you for carrying me in your belly for nine months and delivering me breech.
I love you.
" "I love you too.
" You done? Guess so.
Morning.
It's good morning, Jay.
Good morning.
Can't anyone in this house use more than one word? Sorry.
Sorry, honey.
I'm sorry.
You know, it's just Hallie.
She's just so withdrawn lately.
She doesn't talk to me.
I mean, she doesn't even make fun of my clothes anymore.
Really? Not even that pink headband you wore yesterday? I was trying something.
Just give her some time, Reet.
She'll come out of it.
I hope so.
I don't want us to have the same relationship that I had with my mother.
I want Hallie and me to be close.
You know, I want us to be able to talk and to share things.
You know, like I do with my other daughter.
Isn't that right, honey? Uh-huh.
Daddy? We're having Career Day next week at school.
Can you come in and talk about your job? Uh, yeah Your mom has a job, too.
I don't need your crumbs.
You know what? Yes.
I would be honored to come in and speak to your class.
Great.
So what exactly do you do for a living? Honey, you know what I do.
I'm an underwriter for an insurance company.
Um (clears throat) All right, so, all right.
Let's say you have a bike, right? And you're afraid that that bike is going to get stolen.
Well, you pay me a certain amount of money, and then if your bike does get stolen, I buy you a new bike.
And if my bike doesn't get stolen, do I get my money back? No.
Isn't that called a scam? RITA ROCKS PRODUCTIONS, LLC Is it much to demand That I want a full house and a rock and roll band? Pens that won't run out of ink And cool quiet and time to think Shouldn't I have this? Shouldn't I have this? Shouldn't I have all this and Passionate kisses Passionate kisses Oh-oh Passionate kisses from you (loud clanging) Sorry.
You better be.
As a mail carrier, my feet are my livelihood.
All right, guys, let's call it for today.
This is ridonculous.
I've got to get a real set of drums.
Yeah, Kip.
You need an actual instrument.
You don't see me playing giant rubber bands stretched over my body to create a human bass.
Yeah, that'd be cool.
Really? 'Cause it's an idea I've been thinking about, but I didn't want to look like an idiot, and I look like an idiot, right? I think you know the answer to that.
Anyway, I found this used drum set at this music store.
Mrs.
Clemens, do you think you could take me over there tomorrow? Your first drum set; that's kind of a big deal.
Don't you want to go with your own parents? You got parents? Well, they've got really small cars and you've got planet-killing S.
U.
V.
I wish I could help you out, Kip, but I'm swamped tomorrow.
That's okay.
I've got other friends I can ask.
Hey, you've got a minivan, right? Yeah, yeah.
But Audrey clocks my miles.
One unauthorized trip to the Magician's Warehouse and I'm still paying for it.
Hey, if we go in reverse, maybe the miles Doesn't work.
Tried it.
Hey, Reet, I have spa coupons.
They were for 425 Bishop Street, but she passed away.
God rest her soul.
Want 'em? As tempting as it is to take a dead person's massage Actually, yeah, I will take them.
Oh.
Hey, Hallie! How was school today? Oh, what do you want for dinner? Hey.
Fine.
Nothing.
(door closes) Good catching up with you.
Do you see? It's like talking to a wall.
Teenage girls and their moods.
I'm so glad I have a boy.
As long as he's fed and I pretend not to notice those extra long showers, we're cool.
I wish it were that easy.
You know, I miss the days when she used to roll her eyes and mutter little criticisms under her breath.
Where'd that little girl go? She's got hormones.
That's the way I was when I was a teenager, just crazy mood swings.
Aw, crap! I forgot to deliver this overnight package! Oh, I hate people and their stupid mail! But then you get older and you calm down.
I wish I could get through to her.
It's just so frustrating.
Mm.
Hey, why don't you take Kip to pick up his drum set tomorrow? I see where you're going with this.
What? Where am I going? You think I should take Kip to get his drums and then get him to spill about what's really going on with Hallie What? No! I didn't say that.
get to her through her boyfriend.
Pretty sneaky plan, Patty.
Uh-uh! Uh-uh! That is not my plan! Your brilliant plan.
Hey, hey! Don't try to pin this me! All right, I'll give your crazy scheme a shot.
What just happened? I can't believe the guy who sold you the drums used to be in Bob Seger's band.
So this Bob Seger, is he like a friend of yours.
.
? What? No.
Everyone knows who Bob Seger is.
He's like Detroit rock royalty.
"Beautiful Loser"? Oh! Just 'cause I don't know him, there's no reason to call me names.
And thanks again for taking me to get my drums.
I really appreciate it.
And so I wanted to treat you to coffee.
But I-I paid for it.
I said "wanted.
" I just bought a drum set, give me a break.
No problem, Kip.
I don't mind helping you out.
You are practically family.
Speaking of family, how are things going with, uh, with my daughter? Fine, I guess.
You painted a detailed picture.
What I'm wondering is have you noticed any changes in her recently? Well, now that you mention it.
Yeah, a big one.
Really? Oh, I knew it.
What is it? Well, you know how her favorite person on The Hills was Lauren? Well, now it's Heidi-- out of nowhere! I don't care about those people.
What else you got? Why don't you ask her? I could, of course, ask her.
But, you know, she's been busy, I've been busy.
I mean, we hardly see each other right now.
Well, she's right there.
Huh? Isn't that your mom? No.
Hey, honey! With your boyfriend? No.
Hey, babe! Just one second.
Hey.
What are you doing here? She just took me to buy some drums.
Yeah.
On the way back, we decided to Humiliate me by being seen in public with my boyfriend.
No.
No, no.
We just wanted to get some coffee.
Have you tried the mochaccino? It's delicious.
Don't freak out.
If it makes you feel any better, (sing-songy): we were talking about you.
So you're pumping my boyfriend for information about me? I can't believe this.
I can't believe you.
So-so, Heidi instead of Lauren now.
I'm totally with you (frustrated grunt) (knocking) RITA: Hallie! I'm not talking to you.
(phone vibrates) No talking means no texting.
Wait, wait Send.
Okay.
Read it, read it.
I figured out how to do that little smiley face thing.
Now if I could just figure out how to put one on your face.
Honey, look, I know I screwed up.
But it's just because you stopped talking to me.
I don't know why you're shutting me out.
I'm not.
I just happened to have a life and friends.
And I don't need to tell my mother every single little thing.
No, but can you just please tell me something so I can be part of your life.
I want to know what's going on with you.
Nothing is going on with me.
I don't know how many ways I can say it.
Okay.
Okay, I get it.
I don't want to push you.
You know, I know that being a teenager is tough, and if you prefer talking to your friends right now, I I totally get it.
So I'm, um I'm just gonna I'm just gonna get out of here.
I'm just gonna go.
I'm just gonna walk out the door.
I'm just walking out the door Heading out right now.
Hello, hallway.
I can't talk to my friends about this.
Okay, okay.
Here we go.
Oh, that was exhausting.
I don't know how the geishas do it.
Listen, sweetie, what's going on? All right.
But you have to promise that you're not going to tell Dad.
What? Why? Mom, please.
I'm freaked out enough.
I don't need Dad freaking.
Okay, okay, I won't tell him.
So just what's going on? Uh, well, it's just that some of Okay, a lot of my girlfriends have already done it.
You know, it? And they're pressuring me to do the same with Kip, and I just don't know if I'm ready.
So, you and Kip haven't? No, we haven't.
No.
No, of course you haven't, 'cause that's how you were raised.
If you're not ready, you know, you should wait.
Until you are ready, you know? And definitely not because of your friends' stupid timetable and not until you are safe and protected like we discussed.
Mom, please.
You're not going to put a condom on a banana again, are you? Oh, you're rolling your eyes.
There's my little girl.
But you don't understand.
Now, honey, look, I know what your friends think about you seems really important right now, but, trust me, in ten years, they're just gonna be a couple of sloppy drunks you're trying to avoid at the reunion.
Okay, I know that being a teenager is tough, you know? I get it.
I went through it, believe me.
So your friends pressured you to do stuff you didn't want to? How do you think I ended up with big Bananarama hair in my senior picture? So, Spencer's Dad is a dog breeder, and I hear he's bringing in puppies for Career Day.
Hmm.
Well, I think your classmates are gonna be really excited to see what I got prepared.
Really? Mm-hmm.
I am gonna open with a Life Expectancy Chart.
See what I'm doing is I'm comparing the life of a human being to that of a gnat.
See, and knowing when those gnats die-- that helps set premiums.
So, take that, Spencer's daddy and your basket of inbred puppies! Ha! You're gonna talk about death and gnats? Wait.
Honey, no.
I think you're you're gonna love it.
I even named the gnat-- Fin-gnat-cial Security Freddie! Hey.
JAY: Hey.
Listen, um, I want to talk about the way Hallie's been acting.
I think we should be a little more proactive.
Oh, you know, you know what? Let's just let it pass.
You know, kids go through stuff.
I think I was overreacting.
Hmm.
I don't know.
Maybe you were onto something.
Me? No.
I'm never onto something.
Sweetie, here's the thing.
I was talking to one of my buddies at the office.
He had a moody teenager.
Turns out she was on drugs.
Hallie's not on drugs.
Yeah, but how do you know that? A mother knows these things.
Plus, I found a place online that tests hair samples.
She's clean.
I don't know.
Something's still off.
I'm gonna go talk to her.
No, No, Jay, Jay, you can't.
Please don't.
Why? Well, 'cause she told me something, and I promised that I wouldn't tell you.
Why would you do that? Because it was the only way to get her to open up.
Besides, there are certain subjects that aren't in your wheelhouse.
Not in my wheelhouse? Oh, my God, this is about sex.
Oh, my God, she's (yells) It's that damn Juno movie and Jamie Lynn Spears! All those girls-- they-they think it's-it's really hip and cool to have a baby bump.
They think it's like a fashion accessory! Jay! Jay, Jay, Jay, calm down, calm down.
She's not pregnant, okay? She's so not pregnant.
So not pregnant-- what-what does that mean? Come here.
What? Okay, Hallie knows about the birds and the bees, but let's just, uh, say this bird hasn't been stung yet.
Oh! Oh! That's good.
Mm-hmm.
I see.
I had assumed that she and Kip I know.
So did I.
Well, this is great.
Turns out we're good parents.
Who knew? But-But a couple of her girlfriends have already done the deed, so she's feeling some pressure.
I will kill Kip.
No, no, no.
From-From her girlfriends.
Kip's not pressuring her at all.
I always liked him.
Anyway, we talked, and it just seems like everything is going well.
You should've seen me up there, Jay.
I was in the zone! Good, good, good, good.
So, did you tell that she should wait till she's an adult, 'cause 16 is way too young? Well Jay, please, I Promise me.
You can't say anything.
No.
I just I have to.
Honey No, no, no, no, you can't.
The fact that she even talked to me means that she's already on the right track.
Please, Jay, do not ruin this mother-daughter thing.
Okay.
All right, all right, all right, I'll stay out of it.
Thank you.
(cell phone hums) Oh, look, I got a text from her.
"Nice talk.
Thanks, Mom.
" Smiley face.
Aw.
I'm gonna save this one.
Damn, I just deleted it! Daddy? Yeah.
I have been thinking about your presentation.
And, well, maybe it could use some visual aids.
Yeah, but what about my Life Expectancy Chart? Yeah.
I think that's gonna die.
Ah.
But what if instead we went with dolls? Dolls, huh? Hmm.
See, I think people have seen dolls.
Gnats seem fresher to me.
Well, dolls come with cars, and people insure cars, right? Yeah.
And dolls come with dream houses, and people insure houses, too, right? Absolutely, yeah.
Great.
I'll go get my toy catalogue.
Thank you.
Ah, you're welcome, sweetie.
You realize she just scammed you into buying her more stuff? You got the other one.
Leave me alone.
Morning, everyone.
Morning, Hal.
Morning.
Hey, Mom.
Did you sleep well? Yes, Hallie.
Yes, I did.
That color really brings out your eyes.
Thank you, honey.
Hey, guys, finished setting up my drums.
Won't be needing this anymore.
Well, oddly, neither will I.
Hey, babe.
Hey.
Hey, there, Kip! How's it going, buddy? Buddy? Hey.
Hey, Jay, Jay, dig into those pancakes.
Ah, nah, I'm gonna wait, honey.
You know, 'cause there's nothing wrong with waiting.
Waiting is good.
Oh, my God, you told him? Well, just wait one second, sweetie.
KIP: Told him what? Wait.
No, no.
Look, it's nothing to be embarrassed about, honey.
Look, we're really proud of you and the choice you made.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Jay! I never should have trusted you, and you can believe I never will again! Hallie (sighs) That was harsh.
I never should have trusted you, and you can believe I never will again! Hey.
Hey.
What just happened back there? I told my mom something super-personal, and she went and blabbed it to my dad.
Can you believe that? What'd she say? Nothing.
Oh, fine.
If you don't want to tell me, that's okay.
But you'll just have to tell the Tickle Monster.
(sing-songy): Here he comes.
(laughing) Stop! All right, all right.
Ugh! It's just Lindsey and Pierson, you know-- they've just been hassling me because they've done stuff with their boyfriends that we haven't.
Well, we haven't done it because we agreed that we're not ready yet.
We're still not ready, are we? Right.
And that's what I told my mom.
You told your mom about us and that?! What were you thinking? I hang here.
I'm in a band with her! Okay, calm down.
Calm down How am I supposed to face? Oh, my God, I left my jacket in there! You don't have to worry because I'm never going to tell her anything personal ever again, or my dad.
Parents suck! Some a lot more than others.
Yeah, well, mine are way at the top of the list, so No they're not, Hal, trust me.
Your parents are not that bad.
What are you talking about? The reason I asked your mom to take me to go get the drums was 'cause Hal, my parents split up.
What? When? My dad walked out a few weeks ago.
Why didn't you tell me about this? I don't know.
I guess I didn't want to say it out loud, 'cause then it's real.
I'm so sorry.
I mean, I know your parents haven't been getting along for, like, ever, but That's why I like hanging here.
It's like family.
Oh, come here.
Hey, you two.
Oh! Uh, not what it looks like.
It was, uh, really, nothing more.
Just to recap, it was a hug, and that was it.
I'm gonna get my jacket.
Look, Hallie, I know you're really mad at me right now, but I should have never promised you that I wouldn't tell your father.
He was worried, and he deserved to know what was going on.
So, in the future, we can have our little talks.
I hope we do.
But there's always going to be stuff that I need to share with him, because he and I are a team.
Hallie, please don't storm Look, Hal, your mom and I (whispers): Go away! Say, Fashion Miss, now-now that we have this brand new dream house and this getaway convertible, maybe we should get insurance.
What's insurance, Beach Surfer? Well, it's a way to insure that we have financial security, babe.
In the event of theft or illness or fire, or any one of a number of catastrophes that can befall us in this dangerous, dangerous world we live in.
So, to sum up, when disaster is staring you in the face, always have insurance.
Who wants ice cream? (all cheering) Captioned by Media