She-Wolf of London (1990) s01e09 Episode Script

What did you say to him? (BOTH LAUGHING) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Look at that.
I've got to put an engine on that.
I'll do it tomorrow morning.
Oh, lovely.
Then we can go for rides on it.
Oh, God, no.
(HORSE NEIGHING) Open this door.
Open up! Come on! Open the door now, help us! For Christ's sake, come on.
You're supposed to be our friends! Come on! Open the door! (SCREAMING) (SCREAMS) (SIGHS) "A relaxing weekend away," you said.
"In a charming, "pastoral setting," you said.
I knew I should have made a left where made a right.
"You'll love the quaint cottages," you said.
Or was it a right at the left? "Can't beat the clean country air," you said.
I knew it.
We should have gone straight.
Have no fear.
We shall soon be at our destination.
(ENGINE STALLING) Well, what do you know? We're here.
RANDl: (SIGHS) Lovely.
I can't understand it.
I've kept that car in peak motoring condition.
RANDl: I'm hungry.
Are you hungry? IAN: It's a sharply-honed performance machine.
A big, thick, juicy cheeseburger sounds pretty good.
It's serviced and tuned to perfection.
Prime rib, dripping in fat BOTH: The full moon! It'll be a small problem, something even the dumbest mechanic can fix.
I'm certain we'll be out of here this afternoon.
Yes.
A missing screw, an empty thingamajiggy.
No prob.
Tomorrow morning at the latest, no matter what.
We'll be home before nightfall.
Nothing to worry about.
Nothing at all.
Well Your oil pump's bust.
I'll have it for you in the morning.
(SPITS) Good as new.
You're absolutely certain? Be there.
Lunch.
Now.
Rare! What'd you say was in this? Quarter-pound of hamburger, sliced hot dog, four strips of bacon, two slices of cheese.
Mmm.
It's the best cheeseburger I've ever had.
Delicious, really.
Good.
You haven't touched yours.
I lost my appetite.
Do you mind? You wouldn't like it.
It's been cooked.
You gotta help me! It's a big mistake.
Don't you see? Don't you? It's not fair! We had a life! We had a good life! You! Take me with you, please! You've got to! Time for you to go now, Dave.
These good people be trying to enjoy their meal.
(SCREAMING) You were at my wedding.
You were all there.
Oh, yes.
But there's nothing we can do.
What's his problem? His wife died.
Poor man.
(GROANING) Please, Harley That's life, Dave, eh? You should know that.
You folks just passing through? Actually, we're just here for the night, until our car is repaired.
IAN: You don't happen to know of a good place to stay? Oh, yes.
I think the Argyle has a few vacancies.
It's the off Season.
I bet.
I'll take you over, if you like.
Thank you.
That's very kind of you.
Oh, yes.
Ready? Mmm.
One minute.
Another Biddle Burger, please, rare.
HARLEY: Don't think of this as the Argyle.
Think of this as the Argyle Paradise Oasis Resort.
Catchy.
Well, the sign just isn't up, yet.
(CHUCKLING) But I think you'll find all the changes are reflected in all our exclusive amenities.
Great.
Amenities? Oh, yes.
It's got lots of amenities.
(MAN AND WOMAN ARGUING) Custom radio, alarm clock.
Posture-perfect mattress.
State of the art black and white televisual device.
Professional hot plate.
And stainless steel electric percolator.
The very lap of luxury.
Oh, yes.
Shower's down the hall.
With massage-o-matic showerheads.
(CLEARS THROAT) I can see this is going to be a truly memorable stay.
HARLEY: Oh, yes.
(CHUCKLES) Thanks.
Some weekend.
Think of it as a mini-vacation.
(MAN AND WOMAN ARGUING) (CHUCKLES) Are you sure you brought enough? Well, there could be a blizzard.
Or the Queen could invite us over for a banquet.
You can never be too over-prepared.
(SCREAMS) Don't be afraid.
Please! You're the only ones I can turn to! I've got to get out of here.
Of course.
The door's right over there.
Nice seeing you.
If I stay here, I'll die.
Like she did.
Maybe one of your friends could, you know (EXCLAIMS) help.
A marked man has no friends.
That's absurd.
I like you tremendously.
Don't you like him? I like him.
Who wouldn't like him? You're a marvelous chap.
Let me go with you, please.
I won't be any trouble.
I could hide in your trunk.
You can have my seat.
You can drive.
Hell, take the car.
It's yours.
(KNOCK ON DOOR) I have your towels for you.
Genuine imported terrycloth.
Tomorrow, nine o'clock.
The garage.
It's a date.
(BABY CRYING) Is something wrong? (GROANS) Sore back.
Good, sturdy walls you have here.
The last time I had a weekend as relaxing as this, I was bitten by a werewolf, and left for dead.
Look at the bright side.
Things can't get much worse.
(DOG BARKING) (HORSE NEIGHING) (GASPS) (SCREAMING) (WHOOPING) (SNORING) (HORSE NEIGHING) (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) Lan.
Lan.
Lan, wake up! I am awake.
I expect the entire town is awake.
Well, if they're not, then they should be, because I just saw a madman on a horse, and he was dragging a headless corpse.
That's nice.
How can you sleep when there's a lunatic roaming the streets? Because I didn't eat a herd of cattle for dinner.
This was not a dream.
Not to mention a whole hog's worth of bacon.
(SIGHS) And whatever kind of diseased animal they use to make hot dogs.
I know what I saw.
I know what you ate.
Good night.
Okay.
Okay.
I'll figure this out by myself.
Um lan.
(SNORING) There is something strange going on in this town.
I'm sure of it.
So? "So"? That's all you can say? " So"? Well, would you prefer " So what"? Some monster chops off this guy's head, and then we find this weird mark on our door.
I mean, aren't you just a little curious? Yes, but my curiosity's far less pressing than my fear that we won't be home before tonight's full moon.
I think we can make 50 miles before dark, as long as I drive.
Oh! Nice to see you two back again.
Must've liked my food.
Let's just say it dominated our dreams.
Oh, good.
Care to try one of our Biddle Burger specials? That's ham, bacon, liver and sausage, Biddle Burger, and three eggs.
We'll take two.
Just a toast, please.
Gee! Haven't seen that guy, Dave, around today.
He's a late sleeper.
Ah! He may never wake up.
But he left these for you.
Oh, I hope he washed it and waxed it.
A shame he's not here.
I had a question for him.
(CLEARS THROAT) We haven't got time to get involved.
We found an interesting mark on our door this morning.
A mark, you say? A mark? No, a knock.
We had a knock on our door.
Yes, a mark.
It was done in some kind of animal blood, I think.
Was it, now? Harley, they're just passing through.
Funny you should mention that.
IAN: Gosh, look at the time.
Our car will be ready in two hours.
We must go.
That's it.
IAN: It's a long walk.
It's a block away.
I get winded easily.
Excuse me.
Come along.
Be quiet! Are you sure you folks don't want to stay a little bit longer? You haven't taken in any of the sights.
You wouldn't believe what I saw last night.
Quite right, they wouldn't.
Be seeing you.
This place is like a ghost town.
These docks are so deserted.
"At first, after his return home, "Nicolai was grave, and even depressed.
" IAN: We've come for our car.
If you'll give me the bill, we'll settle up and be on our way.
It's not ready.
But you promised it at Sorry.
"Sorry"! What do you mean, " Sorry"? We have to leave today.
Now! You're not going to get very far with a broken alternator.
You said it was the oil pump.
Did I? Well, it was.
Now it's the alternator.
Oh! And the fuel pump.
And the fan belt.
I see.
Just tell me what the ransom is and we'll pay it.
We must leave.
How about a rent-a-car? No.
A horse and a carriage? No.
A bus that comes through? A delivery truck.
Anything.
No.
Are you telling me there's no means of transportation in or out of here? Yes.
You see, that's why people come to our happy resort community, to escape the hustle and bustle of city life.
And how do they escape from here? They don't.
(SIGHS) The phones are dead.
(SIGHS) Why aren't I surprised? (GRUNTS) Why aren't you furious? This is a criminal conspiracy.
Whatever it is, we've got to find a place for me to stay tonight.
The Argyle Oasis Paradise Resort isn't sumptuous enough for you? It's not strong enough.
There's something very strange about this town.
RANDl: Stranger than a guy on a horse who decapitates people? IAN: They have a secret.
They're not alone.
I don't understand it.
They don't our money, they don't want our belongings.
All they want is for us to stay.
Maybe we know too much.
We don't know anything.
Maybe we saw too much.
We didn't see anything.
I did.
It doesn't matter, because at sunrise we're leaving here.
On foot, if we have to.
If they'll let us.
We could walk away now, if we didn't have your problem to contend with.
I mean, they didn't stop us coming here, did they? I know.
That's what worries me.
You're what worries me.
We can solve all these mysteries tomorrow.
Right now, we have lots of work to do, and not much time.
(SIGHS) Comfy? If this is your idea of a weekend getaway, I can't imagine what you'd do with a full vacation.
Believe me, this is not what I had in mind.
I was hoping for something more picturesque.
Romantic.
Secluded.
Just us.
Well, we're alone.
I got that part right.
Maybe it's not all bad.
You'll be safe here.
I'll be back first thing in the morning.
Promise.
(GRUNTING) (ROARS) (GASPS) (GROWLING) Was it something I said? It's just that nobody expected to see you (CHUCKLING) So soon.
I don't know why.
Everyone seemed so anxious for us to stay.
It's the mark.
Oh! Button your lip, woman.
This doesn't concern him.
How can you say that? Don't you think the poor man has a right to know why he's dying? Dying? He were interfering.
He tried to help Dave escape.
Now let him suffer the consequences.
Excuse me, did you say, " Dying"? What does it matter to you what he knows? He's still going to be just as dead.
(SCOFFS) Dead? Dead, as in D-E-A-D, dead? Or did you mean it metaphorically? If the Huntsman so much as thinks that we've been trying to help him (GROANS) We'll be dead, too.
Dead, as in inconvenienced, disappointed, ripped off? Or dead, as in Dead, as in your head sliced off, your twitching corpse dragged through the streets on the Huntsman's rope.
Oh! That dead.
BOTH: That dead.
Look, come here.
A hundred years ago, this whole area was farmland.
Farmland.
Only nothing was growing.
The townspeople were poor, hungry, and Poor.
ill.
Ill.
But he He still had a rich harvest to hoe, a huge forest to hunt.
Huge forest.
He wouldn't share so much as an ear of corn.
Corn.
If he caught someone on his land, the son of a bitch, hunt them down, kill 'em.
Kill 'em.
Must have done wonders for the property prices in the area.
It didn't stop the shipping company from showing up and waving their money around.
Everybody, everybody, was willing to sell, except Mr.
Warmth.
He had the biggest parcel of land, you see, right in the middle.
So they bargained with him until they found his price.
(CHUCKLES) He reasoned with them until they saw the folly of their ways.
(SNICKERS) They built the docks around his land.
(WHISPERS) They compromised.
We whacked off his head and took his land! I mean, they did.
Excuse me.
Brilliant compromise.
Harley Clayton, when are you going to keep your bloody mouth shut? Yes Tell me more.
Listen.
Now, every hunting season, his hateful spirit rides the streets, marking his prey, hunting them down.
And anybody tries to help them So leave.
We can't.
Why not? Only a couple of weeks every year.
Two, three people, tops.
More a fact of life, really.
Actually, our mortality rate Below the national average.
Or it was, till you two got the mark.
This chap on the horse, the sword, it's for real? Oh, yes.
Tough luck, old chap.
(HOWLING) Randi.
Betty Biddle.
One thing I'll give you, you certainly know how to ruin a man's last night.
(ROARING) (PANTING) Randi! (NEIGHING) (ROARING) Randi! Randi! Over here! You fool! You coward! (GRUNTS) IAN: You deserved to die! You impotent, sniveling, worthless coward! (WHIMPERING) (SCREAMING) Randi.
IAN: (SHOUTING) Where are you? Randi! Randi! Randi! (IAN GASPS) Oh, no.
(GASPS) (SIGHS) (MEOWS) Randi! Randi! Randi! She's dead.
Just like you ought to be.
I can manage.
(SCREAMS) Tough luck, my old duck, but it's either you or us.
RANDl: (SHOUTING) No! No, I I didn't kill him.
No.
I know I I know I didn't kill him.
Lan.
I heard some strange howling, like some sort of hideous, supernatural monster.
Another hideous, supernatural monster, or just the one we're used to? You may mock, Betty Biddle, but if the Huntsman finds out we're in league with this creature He'll kill us all.
And maybe we'll deserve it.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I've been quiet too long.
We all have.
Maybe if we left this town the horror would stop.
It's a small price to pay for what we've got.
Not if it's you that's marked.
(DOOR OPENS) (GROANING) But it's not.
HARLEY: It's him.
You should have left town when I told you to.
Glad you're all here.
Maybe one of you could help me.
Nothing can help you now.
I'm looking for my friend Randi.
We were separated last night.
I haven't been able to find her since.
Oh, her? Yes, yes.
(CHUCKLING) Yeah.
She's dead.
IAN: Dead? Yeah.
Have you seen her? Well, no, but think of it.
Then how do you know she's dead? She was marked.
Marked? I was marked and I'm not dead.
Yet.
(ALL AGREEING) Old Huntsman'll come looking for you, boy.
Oh! Well, uh Maybe if I leave town rather quickly, the Huntsman will follow me and he won't come back.
Oh, yes.
Or he'll come back and kill one of us instead.
(ALL AGREEING) I have a better idea.
Oh? We'll give the Huntsman what he wants.
The land.
You, chained up.
There's no way he can escape the Huntsman's wrath.
Yes, that might work, too.
But why don't you try my way first? No.
Oh, Betty! Come on.
(ALL CLAMORING) I'm not going to let you do this.
One more word and I'll chain you up, as well.
(NEIGHING) I know it's uncomfortable.
Won't be long.
Wait! Wait! What are you doing? How can you do this? It's murder! She's absolutely right.
He brought it on himself.
He were going to help Dave, not us.
We were humoring him.
But he didn't kill the Huntsman, we did.
You! This won't solve anything.
I am more use to you alive.
If you're dead, Huntsman won't lop off my head, won't drag my corpse the streets.
If you're alive, then what? I mean, you can see his points of view, can't you? I'm a professor of mythology! (ALL MOCK-EXCLAIMING) No, no.
Now, that's a close call.
But I think I'm going to go with not getting killed.
I know everything there is to know about ancient myths and legends.
I can help you get rid of the Huntsman.
Now I can see his point of view.
Look, just let me down, and together we can solve this problem.
Just listen to him.
Down.
Imagine a life free from guilt, free from fear.
Free from the curse.
Exactly.
The city could bloom again.
Our children need never know the hell that we've endured.
Oh, yes, yes! Oh the other hand, if we bring him down and he can't help us Huntsman'll kill us immediately.
BOTH: Right.
Up! (ALL AGREEING) Well, Huntsman should get the message.
That we're cowards, murderers and cheap.
No.
That we're terribly sorry and won't let it happen again.
It's getting dark.
(GROANS) Well, no hard feelings, old chum, huh? Oh, well, suit yourself.
Come along, woman.
He'll be here soon.
I'm staying.
You'll have to face the Huntsman, Betty.
About time somebody did.
(SCOFFS) Oh, damn stupid! Oh! Oh, it's your life For a few minutes, anyway.
Hey, I suppose we ought to give the undertaker a ring.
Oh, yeah.
I am the undertaker.
Oh, yeah.
I don't understand this.
Why don't we all just leave? When we killed the Huntsman, we discovered why his crops were so bountiful.
"We"? I thought all this happened 100 years ago.
It did.
I'm 134 years old.
Oh! You look great for your age.
Oh, thank I feel terrible about that.
Oh, you'll get over it.
We had to do it.
Oh, yes.
But I forgot to have him pay his hotel bill first.
(BOTH LAUGHING) Oh Sweet Jesus! (ALL CLAMORING) BETTY: The Huntsman was a warlock.
He enchanted his land.
Everything on it prospered, including him.
Hadn't aged a day.
We built the docks on his land, so now we don't age either.
But if we leave, we'll age again Like Like normal people.
And for that, you're willing to live in this wasteland and let him pick you off one by one? Not me.
Not anymore.
(NEIGHING) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Thank you for your help.
But I want you to go while you still can.
It doesn't sound much safer out there.
Besides, two hands are better than one.
How about three? Randi, you're still alive! Yes! Now let's see if we can keep that way.
Excuse me, but what the hell is going out there? The entire town is leaving.
Oh, gosh! Why didn't they think of that before? Because everyone wasn't marked before.
Everyone? Then they were all right.
The Huntsman is Me.
BOTH: You? Yes.
See, I figured it's easy to turn your back on one person.
Mmm.
But it's not easy when you're that person.
No.
So, I marked all the doors I could find.
You didn't! Yes! And that'll keep them occupied while we sneak out of town.
Clever girl! IAN: Ladies, ladies.
You're not going tell me that is you, as well.
(NEIGHING) (RANDI MOANING) Go, Randi, go on! No! Go away! Both of you, go! Go! (SCREAMING) Randi! (EXCLAIMING) IAN: No! Randi! (SCREAMS) No, no, no! IAN: No! Randi! (EXCLAIMING) No! Randi! Randi! No! No! Fathead! Get it through your thick, stupid skull.
They're all gone! You've got your land back! There's no more reason for you to be here! Ugly beast! So go to hell! Get out of the way, Betty! (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) (PANTING) (CHUCKLES) RANDl: Is he gone? I think he's gone for good! Oh, I know he has! There's absolutely no doubt about it! Yes! Ladies, ladies! Can you take these chains off, just in case? Sorry.
I've read hundreds of tales of ghosts seeking to right some wrong, but I've always explained them as a manifestation of man's search for justice in an unjust world.
I certainly never thought that I'd meet one, face to face.
"A relaxing weekend away," you said.
The Huntsman came back from the grave simply to get his land back.
And when the land was his again, he ceased to be.
"In a charming, pastoral setting," you said.
Or did he? Is there a metaphysical force remaining, even though his physical manifestation has vanished? "Can't beat the clean country air," you said.
And how does the spirit Hey, wait, wait! I'm sorry, I couldn't let you leave without saying thank you.
Thank you.
No! Thank you for everything.
These are freshly picked.
With my own hands.
But I didn't think anything grew around here.
Where'd you get these? It's the Huntsman.
He's taking back his land.
Fascinating.
The spiritual force must resonate Betty! What are you going to do? Well, I think I might stick around for a while.
The Huntsman could probably use a good gardener.
And it is quite nice here, now that everyone else is gone.
You know, you're right.
She is? It's quiet, secluded and becoming more pastoral with every passing minute.
(COWS MOOING) (SHEEP BLEATING) This is where we should spend the weekend.
(CHUCKLES) Bye.
Thanks.
(CLEARS THROAT) (ENGINE STARTS) (HONKING)