Sherri (2009) s01e09 Episode Script

Birth

[ Knock on door .]
Oh, it's open.
Who's ready to kick some butt? Aah! Take off your shoes.
No way.
The last time i did that, I almost broke a toe on an old froot loop That was stuck to your floor.
That was before i sprang For a new area rug! All right! [ Laughs .]
No macaroni No tiny lego.
My foot feels so free.
[ Both laugh .]
Okay, let me get my racket, and we'll be on our way.
Okay.
Oh, there's so much stuff in here.
Oh, um[ sighs .]
Oh, is that bo's? No, i collect bassinets.
Very funny.
Now, hurry up.
Angie and summer are in my car, And they're eating all my "sitting in traffic" food.
And i want to get down there before they find the licorice.
Aha! Here she is! I am coming to play doubles, and i'm bringing hell with me.
Yeah, hell from the '20s.
This is a classic.
It's a fossil.
Who cares how you play when you look like this? I do.
I'm your partner.
And loser buys lunch.
And we're up against drinky and eaty, so come on.
Okay, give me a minute.
I have to wait for paula.
She's picking up kevin's birth certificate.
Why do you have it? Because i'm the organized one.
Clearly.
It's just one piece of paper.
I'll give it to her, i'm done.
[ Knock on door .]
it's open.
Come in.
Hi! Oh, hi, paula.
Do you remember my friend celia? Hello, paula.
Oh.
[ Dully .]
hello, paula.
So[chuckles.]
what are you two up to today? Um I-I don't know.
What do you feel like doing, celia? Let's play it by ear.
Hmm.
Thank you for getting kevin's birth certificate.
The hospital wanted all the paperwork in order.
This is a beautiful bassinet.
Thanks.
It was my son's.
I always thought i'd get to use it again.
You could put it on the front of a bike.
No, you couldn't.
Uh, let me get the birth certificate.
Hey, sherri You know, it might be nice to lend paula bo's bassinet.
Are you kidding? I already lent her bo's father.
Well, i mean, look at her.
She just looks so helpless and lost.
In a "totally did you wrong" kind of way.
Excuse me, sherri? Oh, just hang on.
I do the nice thing most of the time.
Some of the time.
Once in a while.
Not this time.
Uh, sherri Oh, hang on.
[ Laughs .]
Just the fact that she's in my apartment Shows you how far i've come.
I hate to be a bother.
What?! I think my water broke.
Oh, my god! On my new carpet?! What is it with this girl?! She is always wrecking my home! Come on.
la, la, la, la la, la, la, la We're at the hospital now, kevin.
No, this really isn't my job.
Okay, just get here when you can.
Oh, kevin's coming from yonkers.
He's on his way.
I'm proud of you for not bringing up the carpet.
Oh, i'm bringing up the carpet.
He's paying for that.
I got half a mind to make him stop at the atm on the way.
Thank you guys so much.
Oh, it's fine.
So, your mother's gonna be here soon, right? She should be.
I just updated my facebook status to "baby coming now.
" You two seem to have a nice relationship.
Yeah.
The internet's been really good for us.
We should probably stay, right? Absolutely.
Damn it.
So, i'll tell the girls to circle around the block one more time.
Oh, if you have to go, that's fine.
I'm okay here.
It's really not so bad yet.
O-O-O-Ooh! Ohh! [ Exhales deeply .]
I'll just tell them to park.
Ohh! Oh, my god.
This is really happening.
Sherri, i'm scared.
Don't worry.
I'll stay for as long There she is.
Hi, mom.
I was doodling on facebook, figuring out which beatle i was, When up popped your message.
I was george, by the way.
Nurse, do you know if they have wifi in the rooms? Uh Mom, she's not a nurse.
Oh.
Friend? Um Oh, you've got that look on your face that you used to get When i would catch you eating play-Doh.
And i'll say the same thing i said then Spit it out.
Sherri is kevin's wife.
Was.
We split up.
There were issues in the marriage.
Sherri was nice enough to bring me here.
And so i'm going to leave you two alone to share this experience.
Congratulations.
Ha ha! And i'm off to play tennis.
Good for you.
Big fan of the williams sisters.
Mother! What? I'm just trying to be friendly.
Sherri, margo.
May i ask you a question? Is it about jazz or anything? [ Laughing .]
no.
I'm just marveling at how modern you are.
I mean, the ex-Wife palling around with the ex-Girlfriend.
Mother.
It's so hollywood.
Well, actually, it's not so hollywood.
I'm not the ex-Wife yet.
I'm sorry.
What? Kevin and i are separated, But we're still technically married.
Oh.
So let's take a moment to organize our thoughts, shall we? Kevin was married to you When he did that to you.
And now we're organized.
So not only is my daughter pregnant out of wedlock, But she's also a homewrecker.
Not now, mom.
I'm in enough pain.
[ Cellphone rings .]
oh, there's your father.
I didn't want to disturb him on his hunting trip, So i thought i'd spare him this joyous news.
[ Beeping .]
oh, picture mail.
Looks like we're having wild boar again this winter.
Ohh.
Uh Well, you two have each other, and there's food coming.
Well, i was prepared for moderate shame, But what i got was total shame.
Whoa, whoa.
Take it easy.
She's having a baby.
I'm sorry.
This is a family matter.
Well, since you mention it, i am family.
This baby's going to be a brother or sister to my son.
You have a child? She has a child.
Nurse: okay.
Your birthing room is ready.
Who's going with you? I am.
No, not you.
I want sherri.
So, now what do we do? We sit here and we support our friend Who's going through a very trying experience.
And then we play tennis? I'll reschedule our court time.
Okay, what do we think? Uh, water broke, first baby Under 25, carrying low.
Yeah, i'll give her three hours.
How do you know that? I have an app.
Look, sherri only has to be here until kevin shows up, okay? Where is he coming from? Yonkers.
Okay, when did he leave and is he driving or taking a train? Put that thing away! Excuse me.
Is there any word on my daughter, paula morgan? Oh, you must be paula's mother.
Hi, i'm celia.
This is angie and summer.
We're sherri's friends.
I've met enough new people today.
So, this is your first grandchild? Congratulations.
Yes.
Grandma's little bastard.
[ Breathing heavily .]
Oh, my god! This is so hard! You're doing great.
Take it easy.
Just breathe.
Here are some ice chips.
Thank you.
I love that you're being so nice to me, 'Cause it makes me feel better.
But i hate that you're being so nice to me, 'Cause it makes me feel worse.
I know what you mean.
I'm feeding ice chips to the woman who broke up my marriage.
It's not exactly the revenge fantasy I've been playing in my head.
What's your revenge fantasy? Oh, it's a good one.
I wait for you to fall in love, and on your wedding day, The man that you're about to marry Suddenly sees me and announces, "I can't possibly marry this woman Because i've fallen in love with sherri.
" I leave with the groom, the cake, And a couple of presents.
Well, i like that you're at my wedding.
Ooh! Ooh! Ohh! This is gonna get worse, isn't it? You want me to sugarcoat it or tell you the truth? Truth.
This is nothin'! If this baby's head is as big as my son's, You're gonna think you're giving birth To a volkswagen with the doors open.
Sugarcoat it, sugarcoat it! I want the sugarcoating! Okay, all right.
Okay, maybe this will help.
No matter how big the baby's head is, There's a woman in the ukraine Who gave birth to a 19-Pound baby.
The kid came out, drove them both home.
Ice chips? Okay.
Oh, double blue.
I am going to gum drop mountain.
[ Laughing .]
oh, yes! That is your third double blue in a row.
What are you insinuating? You're cheating at "candy land.
" Mm-Hmm.
How dare you! I quit! [ Gasps .]
[ Chuckles nervously .]
fine.
Let's start again.
Let's not.
Let's play something you can't cheat at.
Thumb wrestling or a stare contest.
Oh, i know kill the snitch.
Oh, yeah, it's not what you think it is.
You need dominoes and dice And a snitch And a knife.
Maybe it is what you think it is.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for paula morgan.
Oh, good, kevin's here.
We can still make our court time.
Well, there's our host, The man who brought us all together.
Hello, margo.
I'm surprised to see you here.
Why? I'm the baby's father.
I was surprised about that, too.
Why aren't you with paula? She's with your wife.
When were you going to mention that you were married? To you? In a perfect worldnever.
So, you bailed on your first family.
When are you gonna bail on this one? Look, let's get one thing straight.
I did not bail on my first family, And i'm not bailing on this one.
I am the father, and this baby is going to know it.
[ Chuckles .]
This baby is going to think His father is a famous astronaut Who was lost on a heroic but tragic spacewalk.
Oh, kevin, thank god you're here.
Would you go in there and let her scream at you now? Gladly.
She's in a lot of pain.
I think somebody should check on her.
On top of all that She's mourning the loss of her husband, Who as we speak is drifting slowly off into space.
Okay, kevin is here.
The doctor will be here in any minute.
I'm taking off.
No, no.
Sherri.
Please don't go.
I need you.
Hey, don't worry, don't worry.
I'm here.
I hate you! You're the one who did this to me! That takes me back.
I remember when you said that to me.
Yeah, it was just last week.
I meant when you were having bo.
That feels good.
You haven't lost your touch.
You still got a way with a washcloth.
It was all i could do to keep you from yelling at me And throwing jell-O.
[ Laughs .]
and remember you felt faint And we had to give you those ice chips? Then bo came out with a full head of hair.
[ Both laugh .]
And then the nurse said, "congratulations.
It's a mop.
" [ Both laugh .]
I hate to interrupt.
It's fascinating.
Ice chip.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Here you go.
Hey, everyone.
I'm dr.
Fleming.
I'm the obstetrician on call.
Oh, great.
The doctor's here, kevin's here.
You don't need me.
Take lots of pictures and as many painkillers as you can get.
So, how we doing? [ Screams .]
We could use some drugs.
Hey, who couldn't? That's a little medical humor.
How's my delivery, huh? 'Cause i'm also an obstetrician.
See that? See what i did there? You like that? [ Monitor beeping .]
Huh.
Wait a minute.
What do we have here? Is everything okay? Everything's gonna be just fine.
All right, let's go.
Oh.
Sherri, can i just say one thing to you? Can you shout it as i walk towards the exit? Well, i'm really sorry about the trouble My daughter has caused you.
Thank you.
And now she's having this baby, and I'll probably end up raising it.
I just want to know when is it my turn? When do i get to hunt? Kevin: hey.
They're moving paula to surgery.
Surgery?! Why? She has to have an emergency c-Section.
Well, that can't be.
I've got to talk to that doctor.
The baby's in distress.
Paula's already on the table.
I should be with her.
She can only have one person, margo.
It's gonna be me.
I understand this is your baby.
But she's my baby.
Don't worry.
I'll take care of her.
I'm counting on you.
[ Sighs .]
listen, can you stay? Kevin sherri.
If something goes wrong Nothing will go wrong.
I'll stay.
Thank you.
[ Sighs .]
How are you doing? I'm okay.
Really.
There's no reason for you guys to stay.
Absolutely not! We're here for you, sherri.
All of us.
So, what do we do now? Oh, i have a deck of cards.
Why does that not surprise me? We should check to see if they're marked.
No, this is my friendly deck.
Okay, acey-Deucey, $20 buy-In.
I wish i wasn't here alone.
You're not.
We're here, too.
Hmm, come on, mama needs a new pair of thigh-High boots! [ Laughs .]
Okay, 3 and a king.
What do you think? Is the next card gonna be between those two? Yes.
Bet the pot.
There's no way you can lose.
There's a lot of ways i can lose.
Yeah, but you won't, so bet the pot.
The pot's up 32 checkers.
I don't know what that's worth.
It doesn't matter.
It's all gonna be yours.
Bet the pot! All right! I'm betting the pot.
Ooh, that was bold.
Oh, what's going on in there? Why is it taking so long? I'm sure everything will be fine.
Hey! Who do we have to kill to get a medical update in here?! She'll be back.
I'm glad you're here.
Why are you here? You've got a husband who cheated on you, And you're spending the day with the woman Who's destroyed your family.
You're an amazing woman.
I know.
This is the last place i ever thought i'd be.
I never thought there would be a paula Or a kevin and paula Or a kevin and paula's baby.
And in a million years, I could have never imagined i'd meet a margo.
But i guess family comes to you in weird ways.
I guess it does.
[ Sighs .]
Oh, i should be in there with her.
She's probably scared.
She needs her mom.
She has her mom.
And she's going to especially need her after today.
I thought you said i was a terrible mother.
I never said that.
You were thinking it.
There you go.
You're not so bad.
You got mother's intuition.
Every day's another chance to get it right.
Wow.
See? You have that.
Wherever that came from, there's more.
It came from a poster over the nurses' station.
Why do they tell themselves that? What do they keep doing wrong? Kevin: hey! It's a boy.
Ohh! I have a grandson! Oh, i'm so excited! Ohh! Why not? Can i go see her? Your daughter wants you to.
And, margo, he's beautiful.
Oh, my god.
Ohh! He'll grow into his ears, right? Any news? It's a boy.
His name is julian.
Oh! Congratulations! You're a dad again.
And you're a Asomething.
Yes, you are, sherri.
You are really something.
Hmm.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And i'm also really tired.
Hmm.
[ Groans .]
I want to go home.
I totally get that.
But before we go, do you have $250? I bet the pot.
Celia, how did you do that? I don't know.
The checkers were talking to me.
They made me crazy! What did they say? "Bet the pot!" [ Knock on door, door opens .]
Hey.
Hey.
How's paula? She's fine.
She's sleeping.
Is that bo's bassinet? Yeah.
I thought his brother might like to use it now.
I bet he would.
You want to hold him? Could i? Yeah.
[ Baby coos .]
Here you go.
Ohh.
[ Gasps .]
Ohh.
He's incredible.
Yeah.
[ Laughing .]
oh.
Hi, julian.
I'm sherri.
And i'm your Something.

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