Slutever (2018) s01e09 Episode Script
Eco Sexuality
1 [ Karley moaning .]
Ahh! Rekindle that wildness.
Mm.
This feels good.
I like hard things.
Mm-hmm.
There is a lot of cock in nature.
Word.
Karley: As a woke slut, I obviously recycle, I eat organic, and I sometimes bring my own tote bag when I buy groceries.
But now that climate change is about to explode the planet, I got to thinking.
Is it time we finally started to love the Earth, or should we just fuck it? And I mean that literally As in, by having sex with the Earth, could we save it? Recently, while hanging out with some Burning Man rejects, I discovered that the hottest new on-trend sexuality is something called "ecosexuality.
" Apparently, these lusty tree huggers are getting it on with nature.
Random! So, in hopes of forming my own relationship with the Earth, I traveled deep into the wilderness also known as Bushwick.
[ Madison moaning .]
Um, I'm about to go meet Madison Young, who's a prominent ecosexual.
She's doing some kind of ritual performance downstairs, an ecosexual ritual.
I don't know much about it, but it sounds orgasmic.
Madison is a performance artist and feminist pornographer.
She's invited me to watch a rehearsal of her one-woman show.
Madison: I call upon all of the orgasms that have ever happened in the fucking United States of America, and I bring all that energy, all that orgasmic energy here tonight with us.
Ahhhh! What exactly does it mean to be an ecosexual? Well, I think being an ecosexual means a lot of different things to different people, but for me, being an ecosexual is about my connection and eroticism with nature and the Earth.
Does it mean that you're literally, like, banging the tree? For me, it's much more of an erotic energy.
I think that we can have sexual experiences in a lot of different ways.
Having certain feelings around your feet sinking into wet sand on the beach, thunderstorms, feeling rain dropping down on your skin, and I get especially turned on by trees.
I love their long branches.
I love the wood.
I love their smell, bathing in the moonlight, being super erotic.
That's ecosexuality.
Really? The moon is like a really high-powered vibrator.
The moon is a very high-powered vibrator.
Absolutely.
Bringing all of that lunar energy and star magic here tonight.
Yes! I feel you! Yeah! [ Panting .]
Energy from the moon can result in a moon-gasm.
We'll have to call it a moon-gasm.
Oh, my God.
I like that.
So, I really need to force myself to connect with nature more because, like, I think if you live in a city, you just, like, don't leave your apartment.
You know what I mean? There's definitely nature around the city.
Just connecting with those little bits, like, poking out of the sidewalk, they almost, like, stand out more to me.
I'm going to have to trust you on that one.
Karley: Whoa.
Madison seems to be deep in lust with nature.
But what does that even mean? I need to know more about ecosexuality before I swipe right on the moon.
So, I'm going to talk with Jennifer Reed, a PhD candidate researching the ecosexual movement.
When we smell a flower, we're smelling its sex organs.
I mean, people don't think of it that way most of the time, but we breathe in pollen all the time, and that's actually sperm.
[ Laughs .]
That's gross.
Jennifer writes about the intersection between environmentalism and human sexuality.
Niche.
What are the origins of the ecosexuality movement? When I first saw the term ecosexual was from back around the year 2000, and it was people who had actually put on their dating profile, "I'm an ecosexual.
" They were only seeking to have intimate partners that also share that same love of the environment, and at the same time, the greening of the sex-toy industry was beginning to happen, creating sustainable sex toys and adult pleasure items.
We are gathered here to take the Earth as our lover.
Then, as Annie Sprinkle and Beth Stephen's came on the scene, they began using the word ecosexual to indicate some of the work that they were doing.
Annie Sprinkle is a well-known feminist, porn performer, and artist.
She and her partner, Beth Stephens, when they went to get married, they had this idea, "Why don't we also marry the Earth?" Will you practice these vows every day to become better lovers to the Earth? [ Cheers and applause .]
Performance art is really a way to get people's attention, but also, it gets people together to then figure out, how are we going to do some activism around these issues, as well, and so that's how the ecosexual manifesto was born.
The "Ecosex Manifesto" unveiled what the aims are of the movement, changing the metaphor from Earth as mother to Earth as lover because the metaphor of Earth as mother doesn't seem to be working very well.
A lover would be somebody that we do protect, and if we don't, and we don't treat them well, then they go away.
It seems like a white-person thing.
I would say in the beginning, that was a concern.
That makes sense in some ways, though, because it's basically white people who have created this false separation between humans and the environments to begin with, but I do see more people of color getting involved in the movement, and I do see more of the younger generation getting involved in the movement.
It does seem like an accessible, fun way to deal with sort of the seeming catastrophe of the environmental situation.
Yes.
People are looking for something that's more helpful and brings more joy, and I think that's a big part of this movement, is that it helps to bring joy and hopefulness at a time where we see a lot of darkness out there.
Karley: Interesting.
So, I'm starting to understand why ecosexuality is so relevant for the environment, but what's in it for me? Is it possible that if I can figure out how to get horny for nature, I might never be lonely again? [ Car honks .]
No.
The journey continues.
You can experience a full-body orgasm without anyone touching you.
[ Moaning .]
Being an ecosexual is kind of like being stoned, but you don't have to be on drugs.
If I was like, "What do ecosexuals look like?" like, it would be you guys.
Karley: In my quest to further understand ecosexuality, I've decided to take an outrageously carbon-intensive trip to Lolz Angeles, the epicenter of hippie consumerism, vegan spirituality, and crystal dildos.
If anyone knows how to fuck the Earth, it must be these guys.
Do you know what an ecosexual is? Wow.
[ Speaking Spanish .]
Do you have any idea based on the name? No, but it sounds really stupid.
[ Laughs .]
Ecosexuals believe that if you think of the Earth as your lover rather than your mother, that maybe we could save the planet.
Huh.
Whatever you want to fuck, go ahead and fuck it.
That's fine.
How do you even have sex with nature? Is there penetration there? People should do it the way they feel it, but if you want to hump a tree, I say do it in your own yard in the back.
[ Both laugh .]
Ugh.
These park dwellers know nothing.
Clearly, I need a professional to supervise my ecosexual makeover.
I'm here in Topanga Canyon to hang out with Alexandra Roxo, who's a spiritual mentor who studies sacred sexuality.
She's going to show me what it's like to be fucked by the essence of nature.
As part of teaching people how to reconnect with nature, Alexandra hosts moon rituals, dances with snakes, and a bunch of other fun outdoorsy stuff.
Basically, she's a modern witch.
Alexandra: What I'm really passionate about is leading women back into their bodies and back into pleasure, and, like, you can experience a full-body orgasm without anyone touching you.
That's just the power of this vehicle.
Karley: You can teach me how to have a full-body orgasm without having to do anything? Like, I'm going to be impressed.
Okay, say there's, like, this delicious wind coming by.
Do you think you could experience just, like, the full-body pleasure? Like, if I just, like let it It can just come all the way into my heart.
I, like, probably don't stop to notice, like, the sexual possibility of wind.
Right.
You haven't been taught that it's actually okay to feel pleasure all the time.
It's like consent, you know? You can't just be like, "Oh, I'm sort of unconsciously" walking through life, but I hope that the Earth "is going to fuck me any given minute.
" Like, you have to say yes or no, and in order to say yes, you have to be, like, present and open, and then we can invite in the elements and invite in some of nature.
That makes sense, actually.
Okay, good.
I think I'm ready, as ready as I'll ever be, anyway.
So, close your eyes.
So, the first thing I want you to do is to push your belly into my hand with your breast.
So, breathing in through the nose, push my hand with your belly.
Yes.
The juicy sexuality of the Earth, it's not in the head.
It's here.
Okay.
Feel the elements alive in your body.
Do you like fire [ Moans .]
or do you like earth, or do you like air, or do you like water? Fire is my favorite.
Let's connect with the element of fire.
Okay.
Let it come out through some sounds right now.
What does your fire sound like? Hmm.
Deeper.
Deeper.
Deeper.
Let yourself get a little bit weird, okay? [ Moaning .]
Good.
More.
Like you're being fucked open by fire, just like, "Raah!" So, it's a little bit more like rough sex.
Like, fire is, like, the rough-sex version of nature.
Yes.
[ Both moaning .]
Good.
The Devil.
I feel like I'm being dommed by the Earth right now, too, you know? Good.
So, stay with it.
Let the fire Graah! Like, whatever.
[ Both moaning loudly .]
Do you want to make a commitment to feel more pleasure in your body always? I do want to make a commitment to feeling more pleasure in my body always.
Do you want to make a commitment to the Earth? I give permission to the Earth to give me pleasure any time it wants.
[ Laughs .]
The more you feel nature in your body, the more you want to honor it.
Then you might make a different decision about, like, what kind of car you drive or what kind of waste you put where because you are in this ecstatic union with nature.
Yeah.
I do feel, like, slightly turned on.
Karley: You know, Alexandra is right.
I need to reconnect with my most primal wild-woman self, so I'm traveling business class to a faraway land to find a third red-haired witch who can further lead me on my ecosexual journey.
Pussy: This can be a sexual experience.
I'm penetrating it.
It's sort of like a pussy.
A sweet one.
Karley: I've realized that if I truly want to get dirty with lover Earth, I need to stop being a phone-addicted Instagram whore.
So, I'm headed into the forest of North Carolina to meet a magical woman named Pussy Witch, who helps people find their inner Pagan Goddess.
Imagine a scenario in which you truly believe your pussy is magic.
Karley: I'm in.
Karley: I'm going to try not to fall.
We're getting wild.
Okay.
Karley: As I've been learning about ecosexuality, it seems like a lot of people define it differently, and that it's about the way that you approach it and what you decide.
Would you say that's true? Definitely.
For me, why I love being an ecosexual is how accessible it can be because everything around us the Earth.
I grew up in a place that looks a lot like this.
I am looking to reconnect with nature, but I almost feel at a loss for how to do that.
So much, I think, of ecosexuality is just slowing down and recognizing that life itself can be so pleasurable Like eating.
It can be a sexual experience.
So, I invite you to take the raspberries into your hand.
First, I want you to just bring awareness to this raspberry, like you're seeing it for the first time.
It is so intricate.
Mm-hmm.
Thinking about all of the energy it took to grow this raspberry that then traveled to get into your hands.
Yeah, it's the kind of thing that you only think about when you're stoned.
Being an ecosexual is kind of like being stoned, but you don't have to be on drugs just, like, bringing that awareness to, like, "Whoa!" This is so amazing!" Yeah.
So, now, I want you to just smell it.
It smells so good.
Yeah.
It smells really strong.
Slowly place it in your mouth and breathe, like, noticing how badly I want it.
you want it to melt in your mouth.
Yeah.
Now slowly letting it melt.
If I eat this slowly all the time, I would be thinner.
[ Laughs .]
You want to do it together? Sure.
It's like a double date.
[ Breathes deeply .]
[ Sighs .]
It's kind of like a pussy.
A sweet one.
[ Chuckles .]
They're particularly juicy.
It's really good.
Next, I want you to connect with the Earth using your senses.
Taking away your sense of sight and just hearing the sounds of nature and feeling nature can help bring in that connection.
So, I invite you to close your eyes.
The Earth can be a sub.
It can be a dom.
It can be whatever sex, whatever gender.
We can, like, do away with this mother stereotype.
So, this isn't going to be, like, necessarily a lesbian relationship? Not at all.
There is a lot of cock in nature.
Word.
Yeah.
So, I invite you to give me your hands, and I'll guide you.
We're going to go over here.
That's good.
Jerking it off.
[ Chuckles .]
Continuing to breathe, like [breathes deeply.]
.
Ahh.
Ahh.
Ahh.
I think I, like, naturally feel drawn to trees because they're, like, long and thin like the people I like.
You know what I mean? I keep having these childhood memories when I would do things like climb trees and pay attention to things Mm-hmm.
that weren't my phone.
It's actually genuinely pretty peaceful.
Karley: Wow.
Spending time in the mud with my own personal pussy Yoda taught me that the Earth really can be hot and not in just a scary climate-change way.
So, now that I've gotten slutty with nature, I think it's time to fully commit.
Today is our wedding day.
Karley: Dear Earth, today is the day our wedding day.
Meeting you made me realize that being outside actually isn't so bad.
I promise to be monogamous to you.
Sometimes I sort of can't be accountable for my behavior when I'm super drunk, but I will do my best.
I promise to stop throwing gum out the car window.
I've been saying that for a while, so I promise to learn more about what's good for the environment.
I love you.
Your wife, Karley.
My new nature Goddess BFF, Pussy Witch, kindly offered to officiate my wedding ceremony, and she's invited some of the local eco-sluts along for the ride.
Hear a stone Can you hear our anguish When we understand what we have dooone When we, like you marry ourselves to the Earth [ All cheering .]
[ Laughs .]
If I was like, "What do ecosexuals look like?" like, it would be you guys.
You know what I mean? Really honored to be here with you, Karley, and witness you through this process.
So, come over to this alter to say your vows.
I've been on a bit of an ecosexual journey trying to reconnect to the Earth.
Something I've learned through this self-discovery is that you can be an ecosexual and not even necessarily realize it.
As someone who is slut-identifying in general, taking on the additional lover of the Earth seems definitely appropriate.
Yeah.
And I'm really excited about getting more in touch with, like, my really primal, more Pagan, wild-woman self.
I'm going to do my best.
Is there any wishes that you have for Karley on this new adventure of love and connection? My wish and prayer for you is a beautiful, ecstatic, extraordinary love affair.
Whether you're on concrete or asphalt or bare earth, the Earth is always underneath you, and my prayer is that every step you take be a blessing to her and a blessing to you.
My prayer for you, sweet sister, is to know that, in essence, today, you're marrying yourself because the Earth created you.
And any energy, you just feed it to nature, and nature will give it back 1,000 times.
Woman: Ow, ow! Thank you so much, guys.
I feel very blessed.
Here we go.
[ Smooches .]
[ Cheers and applause .]
It's official.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Cheers.
It's easy to write off these "Mad Max" ecosexuals as just a bunch of random new-age people molesting trees, but actually, I respect that they found a way to make environmentalism fun, sexy, and artful while being in tune with our planet's inherent beauty and orgasmic potential obviously.
Even though I'm headed back to the city where most of the trees I'll see will be on Instagram, the bond I formed with lover Earth is real, and going forward, I'll be able to forge a sexy, healthy relationship with the planet rather than an abusive one.
Tree you later, sluts.
[ Ding! .]
Ahh! Rekindle that wildness.
Mm.
This feels good.
I like hard things.
Mm-hmm.
There is a lot of cock in nature.
Word.
Karley: As a woke slut, I obviously recycle, I eat organic, and I sometimes bring my own tote bag when I buy groceries.
But now that climate change is about to explode the planet, I got to thinking.
Is it time we finally started to love the Earth, or should we just fuck it? And I mean that literally As in, by having sex with the Earth, could we save it? Recently, while hanging out with some Burning Man rejects, I discovered that the hottest new on-trend sexuality is something called "ecosexuality.
" Apparently, these lusty tree huggers are getting it on with nature.
Random! So, in hopes of forming my own relationship with the Earth, I traveled deep into the wilderness also known as Bushwick.
[ Madison moaning .]
Um, I'm about to go meet Madison Young, who's a prominent ecosexual.
She's doing some kind of ritual performance downstairs, an ecosexual ritual.
I don't know much about it, but it sounds orgasmic.
Madison is a performance artist and feminist pornographer.
She's invited me to watch a rehearsal of her one-woman show.
Madison: I call upon all of the orgasms that have ever happened in the fucking United States of America, and I bring all that energy, all that orgasmic energy here tonight with us.
Ahhhh! What exactly does it mean to be an ecosexual? Well, I think being an ecosexual means a lot of different things to different people, but for me, being an ecosexual is about my connection and eroticism with nature and the Earth.
Does it mean that you're literally, like, banging the tree? For me, it's much more of an erotic energy.
I think that we can have sexual experiences in a lot of different ways.
Having certain feelings around your feet sinking into wet sand on the beach, thunderstorms, feeling rain dropping down on your skin, and I get especially turned on by trees.
I love their long branches.
I love the wood.
I love their smell, bathing in the moonlight, being super erotic.
That's ecosexuality.
Really? The moon is like a really high-powered vibrator.
The moon is a very high-powered vibrator.
Absolutely.
Bringing all of that lunar energy and star magic here tonight.
Yes! I feel you! Yeah! [ Panting .]
Energy from the moon can result in a moon-gasm.
We'll have to call it a moon-gasm.
Oh, my God.
I like that.
So, I really need to force myself to connect with nature more because, like, I think if you live in a city, you just, like, don't leave your apartment.
You know what I mean? There's definitely nature around the city.
Just connecting with those little bits, like, poking out of the sidewalk, they almost, like, stand out more to me.
I'm going to have to trust you on that one.
Karley: Whoa.
Madison seems to be deep in lust with nature.
But what does that even mean? I need to know more about ecosexuality before I swipe right on the moon.
So, I'm going to talk with Jennifer Reed, a PhD candidate researching the ecosexual movement.
When we smell a flower, we're smelling its sex organs.
I mean, people don't think of it that way most of the time, but we breathe in pollen all the time, and that's actually sperm.
[ Laughs .]
That's gross.
Jennifer writes about the intersection between environmentalism and human sexuality.
Niche.
What are the origins of the ecosexuality movement? When I first saw the term ecosexual was from back around the year 2000, and it was people who had actually put on their dating profile, "I'm an ecosexual.
" They were only seeking to have intimate partners that also share that same love of the environment, and at the same time, the greening of the sex-toy industry was beginning to happen, creating sustainable sex toys and adult pleasure items.
We are gathered here to take the Earth as our lover.
Then, as Annie Sprinkle and Beth Stephen's came on the scene, they began using the word ecosexual to indicate some of the work that they were doing.
Annie Sprinkle is a well-known feminist, porn performer, and artist.
She and her partner, Beth Stephens, when they went to get married, they had this idea, "Why don't we also marry the Earth?" Will you practice these vows every day to become better lovers to the Earth? [ Cheers and applause .]
Performance art is really a way to get people's attention, but also, it gets people together to then figure out, how are we going to do some activism around these issues, as well, and so that's how the ecosexual manifesto was born.
The "Ecosex Manifesto" unveiled what the aims are of the movement, changing the metaphor from Earth as mother to Earth as lover because the metaphor of Earth as mother doesn't seem to be working very well.
A lover would be somebody that we do protect, and if we don't, and we don't treat them well, then they go away.
It seems like a white-person thing.
I would say in the beginning, that was a concern.
That makes sense in some ways, though, because it's basically white people who have created this false separation between humans and the environments to begin with, but I do see more people of color getting involved in the movement, and I do see more of the younger generation getting involved in the movement.
It does seem like an accessible, fun way to deal with sort of the seeming catastrophe of the environmental situation.
Yes.
People are looking for something that's more helpful and brings more joy, and I think that's a big part of this movement, is that it helps to bring joy and hopefulness at a time where we see a lot of darkness out there.
Karley: Interesting.
So, I'm starting to understand why ecosexuality is so relevant for the environment, but what's in it for me? Is it possible that if I can figure out how to get horny for nature, I might never be lonely again? [ Car honks .]
No.
The journey continues.
You can experience a full-body orgasm without anyone touching you.
[ Moaning .]
Being an ecosexual is kind of like being stoned, but you don't have to be on drugs.
If I was like, "What do ecosexuals look like?" like, it would be you guys.
Karley: In my quest to further understand ecosexuality, I've decided to take an outrageously carbon-intensive trip to Lolz Angeles, the epicenter of hippie consumerism, vegan spirituality, and crystal dildos.
If anyone knows how to fuck the Earth, it must be these guys.
Do you know what an ecosexual is? Wow.
[ Speaking Spanish .]
Do you have any idea based on the name? No, but it sounds really stupid.
[ Laughs .]
Ecosexuals believe that if you think of the Earth as your lover rather than your mother, that maybe we could save the planet.
Huh.
Whatever you want to fuck, go ahead and fuck it.
That's fine.
How do you even have sex with nature? Is there penetration there? People should do it the way they feel it, but if you want to hump a tree, I say do it in your own yard in the back.
[ Both laugh .]
Ugh.
These park dwellers know nothing.
Clearly, I need a professional to supervise my ecosexual makeover.
I'm here in Topanga Canyon to hang out with Alexandra Roxo, who's a spiritual mentor who studies sacred sexuality.
She's going to show me what it's like to be fucked by the essence of nature.
As part of teaching people how to reconnect with nature, Alexandra hosts moon rituals, dances with snakes, and a bunch of other fun outdoorsy stuff.
Basically, she's a modern witch.
Alexandra: What I'm really passionate about is leading women back into their bodies and back into pleasure, and, like, you can experience a full-body orgasm without anyone touching you.
That's just the power of this vehicle.
Karley: You can teach me how to have a full-body orgasm without having to do anything? Like, I'm going to be impressed.
Okay, say there's, like, this delicious wind coming by.
Do you think you could experience just, like, the full-body pleasure? Like, if I just, like let it It can just come all the way into my heart.
I, like, probably don't stop to notice, like, the sexual possibility of wind.
Right.
You haven't been taught that it's actually okay to feel pleasure all the time.
It's like consent, you know? You can't just be like, "Oh, I'm sort of unconsciously" walking through life, but I hope that the Earth "is going to fuck me any given minute.
" Like, you have to say yes or no, and in order to say yes, you have to be, like, present and open, and then we can invite in the elements and invite in some of nature.
That makes sense, actually.
Okay, good.
I think I'm ready, as ready as I'll ever be, anyway.
So, close your eyes.
So, the first thing I want you to do is to push your belly into my hand with your breast.
So, breathing in through the nose, push my hand with your belly.
Yes.
The juicy sexuality of the Earth, it's not in the head.
It's here.
Okay.
Feel the elements alive in your body.
Do you like fire [ Moans .]
or do you like earth, or do you like air, or do you like water? Fire is my favorite.
Let's connect with the element of fire.
Okay.
Let it come out through some sounds right now.
What does your fire sound like? Hmm.
Deeper.
Deeper.
Deeper.
Let yourself get a little bit weird, okay? [ Moaning .]
Good.
More.
Like you're being fucked open by fire, just like, "Raah!" So, it's a little bit more like rough sex.
Like, fire is, like, the rough-sex version of nature.
Yes.
[ Both moaning .]
Good.
The Devil.
I feel like I'm being dommed by the Earth right now, too, you know? Good.
So, stay with it.
Let the fire Graah! Like, whatever.
[ Both moaning loudly .]
Do you want to make a commitment to feel more pleasure in your body always? I do want to make a commitment to feeling more pleasure in my body always.
Do you want to make a commitment to the Earth? I give permission to the Earth to give me pleasure any time it wants.
[ Laughs .]
The more you feel nature in your body, the more you want to honor it.
Then you might make a different decision about, like, what kind of car you drive or what kind of waste you put where because you are in this ecstatic union with nature.
Yeah.
I do feel, like, slightly turned on.
Karley: You know, Alexandra is right.
I need to reconnect with my most primal wild-woman self, so I'm traveling business class to a faraway land to find a third red-haired witch who can further lead me on my ecosexual journey.
Pussy: This can be a sexual experience.
I'm penetrating it.
It's sort of like a pussy.
A sweet one.
Karley: I've realized that if I truly want to get dirty with lover Earth, I need to stop being a phone-addicted Instagram whore.
So, I'm headed into the forest of North Carolina to meet a magical woman named Pussy Witch, who helps people find their inner Pagan Goddess.
Imagine a scenario in which you truly believe your pussy is magic.
Karley: I'm in.
Karley: I'm going to try not to fall.
We're getting wild.
Okay.
Karley: As I've been learning about ecosexuality, it seems like a lot of people define it differently, and that it's about the way that you approach it and what you decide.
Would you say that's true? Definitely.
For me, why I love being an ecosexual is how accessible it can be because everything around us the Earth.
I grew up in a place that looks a lot like this.
I am looking to reconnect with nature, but I almost feel at a loss for how to do that.
So much, I think, of ecosexuality is just slowing down and recognizing that life itself can be so pleasurable Like eating.
It can be a sexual experience.
So, I invite you to take the raspberries into your hand.
First, I want you to just bring awareness to this raspberry, like you're seeing it for the first time.
It is so intricate.
Mm-hmm.
Thinking about all of the energy it took to grow this raspberry that then traveled to get into your hands.
Yeah, it's the kind of thing that you only think about when you're stoned.
Being an ecosexual is kind of like being stoned, but you don't have to be on drugs just, like, bringing that awareness to, like, "Whoa!" This is so amazing!" Yeah.
So, now, I want you to just smell it.
It smells so good.
Yeah.
It smells really strong.
Slowly place it in your mouth and breathe, like, noticing how badly I want it.
you want it to melt in your mouth.
Yeah.
Now slowly letting it melt.
If I eat this slowly all the time, I would be thinner.
[ Laughs .]
You want to do it together? Sure.
It's like a double date.
[ Breathes deeply .]
[ Sighs .]
It's kind of like a pussy.
A sweet one.
[ Chuckles .]
They're particularly juicy.
It's really good.
Next, I want you to connect with the Earth using your senses.
Taking away your sense of sight and just hearing the sounds of nature and feeling nature can help bring in that connection.
So, I invite you to close your eyes.
The Earth can be a sub.
It can be a dom.
It can be whatever sex, whatever gender.
We can, like, do away with this mother stereotype.
So, this isn't going to be, like, necessarily a lesbian relationship? Not at all.
There is a lot of cock in nature.
Word.
Yeah.
So, I invite you to give me your hands, and I'll guide you.
We're going to go over here.
That's good.
Jerking it off.
[ Chuckles .]
Continuing to breathe, like [breathes deeply.]
.
Ahh.
Ahh.
Ahh.
I think I, like, naturally feel drawn to trees because they're, like, long and thin like the people I like.
You know what I mean? I keep having these childhood memories when I would do things like climb trees and pay attention to things Mm-hmm.
that weren't my phone.
It's actually genuinely pretty peaceful.
Karley: Wow.
Spending time in the mud with my own personal pussy Yoda taught me that the Earth really can be hot and not in just a scary climate-change way.
So, now that I've gotten slutty with nature, I think it's time to fully commit.
Today is our wedding day.
Karley: Dear Earth, today is the day our wedding day.
Meeting you made me realize that being outside actually isn't so bad.
I promise to be monogamous to you.
Sometimes I sort of can't be accountable for my behavior when I'm super drunk, but I will do my best.
I promise to stop throwing gum out the car window.
I've been saying that for a while, so I promise to learn more about what's good for the environment.
I love you.
Your wife, Karley.
My new nature Goddess BFF, Pussy Witch, kindly offered to officiate my wedding ceremony, and she's invited some of the local eco-sluts along for the ride.
Hear a stone Can you hear our anguish When we understand what we have dooone When we, like you marry ourselves to the Earth [ All cheering .]
[ Laughs .]
If I was like, "What do ecosexuals look like?" like, it would be you guys.
You know what I mean? Really honored to be here with you, Karley, and witness you through this process.
So, come over to this alter to say your vows.
I've been on a bit of an ecosexual journey trying to reconnect to the Earth.
Something I've learned through this self-discovery is that you can be an ecosexual and not even necessarily realize it.
As someone who is slut-identifying in general, taking on the additional lover of the Earth seems definitely appropriate.
Yeah.
And I'm really excited about getting more in touch with, like, my really primal, more Pagan, wild-woman self.
I'm going to do my best.
Is there any wishes that you have for Karley on this new adventure of love and connection? My wish and prayer for you is a beautiful, ecstatic, extraordinary love affair.
Whether you're on concrete or asphalt or bare earth, the Earth is always underneath you, and my prayer is that every step you take be a blessing to her and a blessing to you.
My prayer for you, sweet sister, is to know that, in essence, today, you're marrying yourself because the Earth created you.
And any energy, you just feed it to nature, and nature will give it back 1,000 times.
Woman: Ow, ow! Thank you so much, guys.
I feel very blessed.
Here we go.
[ Smooches .]
[ Cheers and applause .]
It's official.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Cheers.
It's easy to write off these "Mad Max" ecosexuals as just a bunch of random new-age people molesting trees, but actually, I respect that they found a way to make environmentalism fun, sexy, and artful while being in tune with our planet's inherent beauty and orgasmic potential obviously.
Even though I'm headed back to the city where most of the trees I'll see will be on Instagram, the bond I formed with lover Earth is real, and going forward, I'll be able to forge a sexy, healthy relationship with the planet rather than an abusive one.
Tree you later, sluts.
[ Ding! .]