Sonny with a Chance (2009) s01e09 Episode Script

Hmm, let's see what's for lunch.
Ick, Ick on a bun, Ick on a stick.
Well at least today there's some variety.
Mm, well that looks tasty.
That looks really tasty.
I meant the food on your plate.
Yeah, I sweet talked the cafeteria lady.
I told her that her hair net really brought out the sparkle in her eye.
Thanks.
Can we get a taco for the teapot? Oh, the teapot has a name.
It's Sonny.
Yes, you are.
But what's your name? -Smooth.
-Yes I am.
But you can call me James.
Hey, I got her to make me a rack o' lamb.
Man, I love lamb! Yeah stick with me man; you'll have a great time here.
-Sonny.
-Chad.
Anyways they're shooting our scene, we should probably go.
Oh you're on MacKenzie Falls this week? Let me guess.
Stuck up MacKenzie being chased by bad-boy bank robber? Let me guess.
Life of the Boston Tea Party.
Well, at least my show brings joy to our viewers.
At least my show has viewers.
-Wow, what's goin' on here? -Nothing.
It's beyond nothing.
It's certainly nothing to be late over.
Our scene's up first after lunch.
-Sonny.
-Chad.
You know for something that you said was nothing, that sure seemed like something.
Oh, well, um, it's- it's you know, a day to day something.
Sometimes hour by hour.
I don't know.
It's complicated.
He's complicated.
Well I'm not.
My name's James Conroy, and I'd like to take you out tonight.
Well, there's nothing complicated about that.
So I can take that as a yes? You can take that as a maybe.
Off to the races, I'm going places Might be a long shot, not gonna waste it This is the big break and it's calling my name So far, so great, get with it At least that's how I see it Having a dream is just the beginning So far, so great, believe it Can't take away this feeling Taking a ride with chance on my side Yeah, I can't wait So far, so great So far, so great Sonny With a Chance S01E09 Sonny With a Chance of Dating Beyonce.
Tyra.
And a pirate, arrgh! What are you all sigh-y about? Oh, was I sighing? Sorry.
Now you're humming.
Was I humming? Sorry again.
Okay, that's not just sighing and humming, that's boy sighing and humming! Who asked you out? Well, I'm not gonna brag, but James Conroy! -James Conroy? -Yes.
-No! -No? -No.
-Why? -Because! -Because why? Because- My best friend dated him and he dumped her.
It wasn't pretty.
Her face broke out and she started wearing polyester pants! Look.
I doubt anything is gonna happen between James and me.
Let me guess.
He asked you out and you said "no.
" -Yes.
-That's how it starts! You say "no"? and he turns on the charm.
Sonny Munroe, bouquet of flowers for you at the front desk.
A-hand here comes the charm! Hold up! It's Murphy.
Okay.
Just be cool, G.
Just be cool.
Don't act like we're going to put our heads under the yogurt machine or anything.
-Murphy.
-Chowderheads.
Murph! Sweet! He's gone, there's no line.
Let's do this thing.
It's froyo time.
Me first! Oh man! I can't wait 'till I get to do it- ow! This isn't what it looks like.
Really.
It looks like you're drinking from the tip of the yogurt machine.
And it's exactly what it looks like.
You two yogurt sucklers are banned from the cafeteria.
But I didn't even get to do it! You're still banned! -Then let me do it- -Never! As long as I wear this badge and walk this beat, I'll be keeping my eyes on you with a laser focus, and if- Oh! A nickel.
Wow! "Hey Teapot," aww, "it was nice meeting you.
" "Any chance we can go out tonight? Your bad boy James.
" You know, maybe he's not such a jerk after all.
Oh, right.
And maybe I'm ugly.
Use your brain! Look, I appreciate the warning, but maybe your friend and James just didn't have chemistry.
Chad? What do you want Chad.
It's James.
It's James! Hang up! Hey James! How's it going? Oh I love the flowers.
They're so beautiful.
It was my pleasure.
Dude, is that my phone? Ah, yeah it is, thanks.
I gotta make this fast.
Do you want to go out tonight? -To-night? -No! -No no no no- -I'd love to.
-Cool.
-Cool.
-Bye.
-Bye.
You hang up first.
-No you hang up fir- -I'll hang up! Fine.
Don't listen to me.
But when your heart is broken into a million pieces and scattered all over the floor, just remember, Tawni Hart doesn't vacuum.
Where's your idiot friend? Bart! Not that idiot.
James.
Yeah, the one that's going out with Sonny tonight.
I'm sorry.
What? James.
Sonny.
Date.
Tonight.
Date.
Sonny.
Tonight.
James? So where is he? Right now he's breaking into the first bank of MacKenzie Falls.
Give me all your money! What is your show even about? Oh, this week's our Christmas episode.
Yeah, in the end, he realizes he had a wonderful life.
Look.
Just tell James, back off from Sonny.
Wait, why do you want him to back off from Sonny? Why are you wearing a bib? -Jealous? -I have my own bib.
Not of the bib, of Sonny.
No.
I'm trying to protect her.
Why do you want him to back off Sonny? I- I never said I did.
Oh, your lips say "I don't care," but your eyes say I do care.
Now.
You just tell your friend to back off from Tawni Hart.
Well not back off from me, back off from me, Tawni Hart! You'll never take me alive! Dude are you taking Sonny out? Why do you care.
I don't.
Yeah, I get that from your eyes.
You'll still never take me alive! But I forgot something.
This is good, want some lamb? Why would Murphy ban you two from the cafeteria? Apparently it's against studio policy to shove your head underneath the yogurt machine.
But it was worth it.
-Well some of us wouldn't know.
-Let it go.
What you two need is a lawyer.
What do we need a lawyer for? To plead your case to Murphy, and to get your ban overturned.
Where are we gonna get a lawyer? You're lookin' at her.
But do you even know what you're doing? I think we all know the answer to that.
Another case won by: Sally Jenson, kid lawyer.
I fight for you! That was a character you played in a sketch.
Yeah, but she won my case when I was wrongly accused of mugging the tooth fairy.
That was a sketch! Aha, spoken like someone who's already tasted the creamy goodness.
Fine, what's your fee? Where did you learn to dance like that? I'm from Wisconsin.
We dance key form.
Yay I won again! Maybe we should switch to air hockey.
Loser buys burgers? -I'll have a challenge.
-I love free burgers.
I won at that too! Can we do something I actually have a chance of winning, like eating.
Oh don't be so sure.
All that winning made me really hungry.
So, what looks good? You.
Sorry I'm late.
-Tawni? -Tawni? James.
So, what did I miss? An invitation.
What are you doing here? I like chicken fingers and Skee Ball! Woo, sorry I'm late.
So what'd I miss? Tawni likes chicken fingers and Skee Ball! What are you doing here? I came to hang out with my bro! -So what are you doing here? -What are you doing here? What are they doing here? What are we still doing here? Do you wanna make a break for it? I know how to tuck and roll.
I am right behind you.
Who's up for some chicken fingers and Skee Ball? So.
So.
So.
So.
How about you and I partake in a friendly game of Air Hockey? Eh, it's not really my- ow! Why are you trying to ruin my date? I'm trying to protect you! From what, having fun? From getting hurt! Now, as soon as this game is over, and I have no idea when that is.
You will get a toothache and I will take you home.
Why are you trying to protect me, you're never this nice.
I will tell you who's not nice.
James.
How do you even know so much about him? Just pick a side for your toothache! You were that "friend" who dated James and ended up wearing polyester pants! I would never wear polyester pants.
Hah, I should've guessed it.
Who's Tawni's best friend? -Tawni! -Hah! So you came here to ruin my date because you're jealous! So, you, uh, having a good time on your date? I was, until it was rudely interrupted.
Yeah, Tawni's a piece of work, right? James is a jerk! He's not a jerk! Oh, she is so cute when she's angry.
Pfft, Sonny's always cute.
She can't do anything without it being cute.
Stupid cute.
No dude, I am talking about Tawni! I'm sorry, I thought you just said Tawni.
I did.
I'm telling you, James is a jerk! Oh, she hates me so much.
Ah, I love it! You know what, why don't you take your friend and get out of here.
Come on, Tawni! Woo.
I mean, I thought she'd never leave.
Officer Murphy, I'm Sally Jenson, kid lawyer.
I'm familiar with your work.
Good.
Now, did you or did you not see my clients underneath the yogurt spout? I did.
I was hoping for "did not.
"? Sidebar please! Okay, you guys are doomed! Dull me up while I go in for a plea bargain.
Alright.
My clients accept thirty years to life! What? Sidebar! What are you doing.
You are the worst lawyer ever! I'll tell you what.
You let me eat my lunch in peace, and I'll let these two beef sacks off the hook.
-Oh, I wish it was that easy.
-It is that easy! A good way to get them to stay off the hook is if my clients do some community service in the cafeteria.
-What? No way! -Community service What a great idea! -Three hours? -Three or six? We were off, and you put us back on! That's because I'm: Sally Jenson, kid lawyer.
I fight for you! No, you didn't! -Wow.
-Yeah.
Those flowers are even bigger than the ones that came yesterday.
Yeah.
You must be thrilled.
Yeah.
I haven't stopped thinking about you since last night in the arcade, Tawni.
Tawni! When can I see you again, James? Well here, I guess these are for you.
There are two things I love.
Me being right and you being not right.
But I'm so mad at James I can't enjoy either of them! This is so frustrating! How could I be fooled by such a jerk? I feel so stupid.
-Are you trying to comfort me? -Yeah.
Thanks.
-Can I be done now? -Yes.
I hope James gets dumped one day so he'll never do this again.
-That's good! -What's good? Giving James a taste of his own medicine! Go on.
-Well, he always wants what he can't have, right? -Right.
So let's make you what he can't have! I'm going to be what he thinks he wants, but because he'll have me, he won't want me, so he's going to want you, but he can't get you, because you- Okay less words please.
You're gonna need a fake date.
Ohh.
A fake date.
Hmm.
Well, I know just the fake to date.
-Quick, hold my hand! -Don't tell me what to do! We're on a fake date; we have to make it look believable.
-Well, If you wanna hold hands, you gotta switch sides.
-Why? Because this is my holding hand.
Fine.
Look, and just so you know, this is our first and last fake date.
-Good.
-Good.
Now smile like you're having the time of your life.
Now I have to be honest, I was a little surprised when you said "yes.
" Well, you texted, you called, you sent flowers.
You just don't let a girl say "no"? Do ya' bad boy.
No.
Oh you have got to be kidding me, she's already on a date? Man, she works fast.
Oh, come on.
Let's not talk about sonny and how she's completely over you.
Let's talk about me.
And how much I'm into you.
I like us! Really Oh lookie! I just changed my online status to "re-dating James Conroy.
" And I got into your account and changed your status to "crazy for Tawni Hart!" They're looking this way.
Put your arm around me.
Well I would, but you're sitting on the wrong side.
See, this arm says "let's cuddle," and this arm says "hit the game, bro!" Well I'm saying just put one of them around me! Oh, you should probably put your head on my shoulder.
This is nice.
In theory.
Yeah.
We make a good couple.
Hypothetically.
He's looking this way.
In reality.
You know what I want, potato skins.
And to go to Paris with you in the spring.
That's- that's four months away.
Who knows what I, I mean we, I mean you- will be doing by then.
There she is.
I mean granted it's not as good as a yogurt, but she's a close second.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
It will be a little less creamy but at least I'll still get to feel the frozen goodness.
-Check that out.
-I see it, dude, I can almost taste it.
-I'm talking about over there.
Sonny and Chad.
-What? Where- Whoa-oh wow.
Here.
Hah! I got a text! From you? What, that jerk still has my phone? And he already wants me back! -Already -I know, how good are we? Well, well, well, well.
Hi.
So, you guys on a date? It's fake.
Ohh, then why didn't you ask one of us to be your fake date? Obviously she doesn't think we're good enough to be her fake date.
Mhm.
Either one of us would have made a much better fake date than Chip drama pants over here.
-I don't think so.
-Yoww, Chip! Okay can we talk about this later.
Fine.
But just so you know, I've been in three, four, five fake relationships.
So I could have helped you on your little fake date.
Oh, so this is a fake date? No, this is real.
As real as can be.
-So you're lying to us? -No.
-Oh, so you're lying to me? -No.
Look, would I do this if I were on a fake date.
Oh, that settles it! I must have you back.
Tawni! Check your e-mail.
Oh no, you're not dumping her for me, because I'm dumping you.
Oh, no.
You can't dump me.
I don't get dumped.
Alright, I dump.
From a distance.
Not this time.
Yeah, because we're dumping you- up close! Well what do you want, like an apology or something? Yes.
C'mon dude, back me up here.
Yeah, you're on your own.
And I want my phone back.
I cannot believe I thought you were cool.
When did you think that? I don't know, I just thought he was cool.
-I should go.
-Yeah.
You should.
And never come back.
Allow us to show you the way out.
No thanks, I'll show myself out.
You'll never take me alive! My work here is done.
-Mushy machine? -Mushy machine.
(Out of order) That was some kiss.
What do you mean, that kiss was fake.
Was not.
Chad, I put my hand over your mouth.
Well that explains why your lips tasted like Skee Ball and Air Hockey.
Do you think that I'd really kiss you? Well that's what I'm gonna put on my blog.
Peace out suckas! -Garbage- swept.
-Sneeze guard- de-snotted.
Tomorrow, you're on snot duty.
You said snot duty.
How annoying.
I can't believe Zora got us into this mess.
Or, did she do us a solid.
Check it, the place's empty.
Maybe the kid lawyer did know what she was doing.
It's froyo time for me.
What are you doing? Being dramatic.
Ahh! You've suckled your last yogurt butter-butts! Hey look! May be a dime! Haha! Nice try.
I only like nickels.
I want my lawyer!