Svetlana (2010) s01e09 Episode Script

Oh,
(mumbling).
I don't feels so good.
What's wrong vlady?
I'm clammy, and my head hurts
and I think I have a fever.
Could you please
take my temperature?
Of course I can,
honey, of course I can.
Oh.
All right, all right.
Here we go.
Ready for the fun?
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Make it nice and smooth and oop.
Ow!
You know vladkey, I don't like
it you're sitting out here okay?
We're going to feed you
and go right back to bed,
All right?
How'd you get so sick,
you don't do anything.
All right.
This is what it's going to be
like when we are old and crusty
Huh?
Here we go, open up.
You have to open.
Open, open, oh okay.
Oh.
All right here.
Hold that thought.
Coming, come, coming.
Boris how are you baby?
We don't have time.
We have an issue.
Okay.
He has been expelled again.
What?
That's the 5th time.
Boris, what you doing?
He was exchanging prophylactics.
Oh, he likes to do that.
It's fun for him.
You still have that
india one from 72.
That is not appropriate.
It's a collectors item.
It's not appropriate behavior.
I got a call, okay.
They said that if
can't get into a school,
He's gotta go to foster care.
What am I supposed to do.
I don't want him in foster
care with some horrible,
You know latino
family somewhere.
Okay, I knew that you
were gonna go there.
I'm not going there.
You always get on that roll.
I apologize for the
collard green episode.
Okay.
Okay now you're talking
about the collard greens again.
And you started talking about
the collared greens and the
Collared people.
I don't like that.
No, I didn't say colored people.
I said collard greens
for a colored person.
What did I tell you about that?
I'm sorry, sorry.
That was not the
good thing to do.
No, pot calling kettle black.
Okay partone killer
back it up, way up.
(beeps) let's play it
like that, all right.
So what am I supposed to do?
We have an appointment for
today worked out for you.
All right?
Where.
This is a yeshiva school.
Yeshiva school.
A jewish school.
But we are not jewish.
I understand that, but this is
the last chance that we have
Before foster care.
Now the name is uh
It's a woman's name.
Rachael?
Rebecca?
Catherine?
Beth, Beth, Beth.
Hello, goodbye, shalom.
Bethshalom.
Bethshalom.
Okay.
A wonderful yeshiva school.
Let's get him in there.
Put him in there then.
I don't care.
The jews read and
they're good people.
They're good people.
We have an
appointment this afternoon,
3 o'clock for you
and your husband.
No, no my husband is sick.
No vlad take your hands
out of your testicles.
What is he doing?
I'm sorry, he just rests
his hands on his testicles
Sometimes.
Oh my lord.
I'll just go in alone.
He can't have
No, you can't go alone.
They don't look kindly
upon single mothers.
That's how you would look
going without your husband.
So what am I supposed to do?
Daddy is sick, you
need to find somebody.
You understand what I'm saying?
I'm on it.
Can I have him for
a couple of hours?
It's lunch time.
I know.
What are you making?
An assortment of goods.
They're all
healthy and nutritious.
From the 4 or 5 food groups.
I don't remember
how many there are.
All right.
Okay.
2 hours.
Not 2 hours and half.
Not 2:45.
No, no, no.
When I say 2 I mean
There you go.
Right.
Go clean up pleasure room b.
Change the sheets there.
No, no, no he shouldn't
clean up anything back there.
Does he have gloves?
Do you have glovesé
yeah, yeah, yeah
But Mr. Zazzerstein.
You was the last jew in my book.
I just need you for a few hours.
Yeah.
I don't care that
you're self-hating.
You're jewish,
it's enough for me.
Okay.
God damn it.
How could I forget, of
course, such and obvious choice.
He'd be perfect.
My mind is all over.
Hey terrell.
Hey svetlana how you doing?
Good how are you.
Doing good baby, doing good.
What you up to?
Yeah, I need help from you.
Yeah, I'm in a bit of a bind.
Ohhh, I'd like to get you
in a bit of a bind baby.
No, I need something
a little different.
Boris is trying to get into
orthodox jewish school because
Interview is the rabbi of the
school and his wife and you have
To be jewish.
Okay.
All right, so what
do you want me to do?
Vlady is too sick to go.
You can be jewey right?
Oh yeah, no, I can be jewish.
Whatever you need, you know.
Okay fantastic.
I can be jewish,
I can be arabish.
Meet me at 3 pm at the temple
or something with the Shiva and
Shalom in it and Beth
and something like that.
The shalom temple at 3 o'clock.
I'll text you information.
And you know get
jewey all right,
Okay.
Marina
But I send you 3 text messages.
I sent you smiley face.
Then frowny face,
and then kissy face.
But you didn't write back
for an hour and 25 minutes.
I hate you.
Bye.
I never want to see
you again either.
I hate you.
(continues crying).
Marina what's wrong?
What are you doing?
You're doing your
weird gyrations again.
I didn't do anything.
What's wrong, honey?
What's wrong?
She was on the
phone the whole time.
Liam, he broke my, my heart.
My heart is broken.
Honey, honey, honey.
She was on the phone with Liam
and they're breaking up and..
He is not texting her
back in time apparently.
In time for what?
For just, for her
heart, is that right?
Okay, regroup honey.
Okay Derek pay up.
Let's be done for now.
I'm not going to pay, I'm sorry.
This is crazy.
What do you mean
you're not going ot pay?
She's on the
phone the whole time.
It doesn't matter.
My girls always multitask.
You think we're running a
brothel here with no other life.
We have life here.
But you're responsibility to
stay hard and stay active.
My girls can do
anything during sessions.
They have to do school work.
They do sudoku sometimes.
They have personal
conversations and conflicts.
I'm not paying for her
and Liam to break up.
I'm not going to pay for that.
You're not paying her for her
break up but you're paying to be
Inside her which you have
been doing for about 45 minutes.
I haven't really been
fully inside for a while now.
She was crying the whole time.
I understand that.
You can't blame her for
your lack of erection.
And you have small member.
So you slip out very
easily, you know what I mean.
The fact that she is able to
contain you for full session is
Enough to be paid.
I don't usually
slip out that easily.
Usually it's
In this position you do.
It depends on if we're switching
because then sometimes I'll slip
Out but this was more about just
her and Liam and she's crying
The whole time.
I understand.
I understand that she's
been crying the whole time.
Because she's crying so much,
I think that does something to
Certain muscles and
makes it harder to hold on.
And she's clamping in certain
ways because she's basically
Spasming from here to here and
it actually hurt at one point.
It just wasn't.
Yeah, no I can see spasming.
No, I understand.
Watch cry.
(crying).
Your right, all right I see it.
I see it.
Okay.
That, I shouldn't
have to pay for that.
All right I will
take off the sales tax.
All right?
That's the best I can do.
Because I don't make profit.
You know what I mean.
If I give you that,
this is cost price.
I need more.
I can give you new Jersey sales
tax that's 8.7 maybe I think.
Uh, 9.
8.9 or 9?
No, 9.
Okay but you schedule
three sessions next week,
Okay.
We do triple whammy.
Uh, okay.
It's a good deal.
It's a good deal.
And I promise no spasming, okay?
Okay, all right.
Thank you Derek.
Thank you.
Okay honey, regroup.
Take your time okay.
Take your time.
Derek is here for you.
Little gurgling,
whatever you need to do,
Okay.
Okay, gurgle away.
All right thank you
Derek, we'll talk to you soon.
Okay, thank you, see you.
Thank you bye, bye.
(crying).
156, all right you ready?
Good, good.
Get this one out.
All right?
Okay.
All right husband.
Here we go, okay.
Thank you very much.
We look fwrward to
hearing from you guys soon.
Have a good shabbat.
Hi, hi we are here, 3 o'clock.
Hi, how are you?
How you doing?
Nice to meet you.
All right.
Hi!
Hi, svetlana.
Boris' mother.
Nice to meet you.
Don't touch her.
We're really, really
excited to be here.
Yeah, we're excited to have you.
We hear this is a fantastic
school and only the best for my
Boris.
Always the best.
Your yamaka fell
off or something.
Probably the wind.
Here, I actually carry an
extra one in my pocket.
Oh, okay.
Wow, you really like the pink.
I like it, it matches
me, a little fuschka.
By 9 at bedtime.
Uh, yeah.
So tell us a little
bit about yourselves.
Okay, well.
Oh, okay, I um, make
name cards for conventions.
Uh yeah, I design
them, I laminate them,
And it's very responsible
job, and very boring and very
Appropriate for woman of my
age and stature and I like
Housewiving and just being a
good decent monogamous person.
Really, really monogamous.
Like super, super monogamous.
Very nice.
What about you sir?
I deal wholesale marble.
It's a really, solid as a rock.
It's a solid business.
If there is a marble convention,
you must do the name tags.
I do.
We work together on that.
You know carrara
marble in Italy back in 82,
Who made the name tags.
We made them out of marble.
Hello.
We made them out of marble.
Can we say marble name tags.
Can we say it?
Talk about
collaboration as a couple.
You know a little
heavy but solid.
And shiny.
Well that's lovely.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well Mrs. Davis
raves about Boris.
Good.
She can't stop going on
about how great a kid he is.
Well she's a good
woman miss Davis.
Good woman.
It seems like that.
So, great.
Well thank you.
And uh
Tell you a little
bit about the school?
School, of course, of course.
We're inquisitive
parents, yeah, yeah.
Okay we're k to 6 and
we have 235 students.
Great fantastic.
Thank you so much.
Thank you very much.
We love it.
Sounds perfect.
It's perfect.
He'll love it here.
Okay, all right.
Well it's good to meet you.
And uh, I guess Monday?
Monday morning.
I mean why don't you guys come
over for shabbat dinner tonight.
Yeah.
Is that okay?
Yeah, yeah.
That would be lovely.
549 Beverly.
We would love to have you.
It would be a great way to
welcome you to our community.
I have clients coming.
Okay.
Yeah.
Around 7?
Perfect.
Great, we'll see you then.
Okay.
Thank you.
Whatever my
husband says, all right.
Red, white and shabbat?
Just bring yourselves.
Okay.
All right, great, great.
What the hell is shabbat dinner.
Why did you say yes?
He's getting into the school.
I'm just saying you
shouldn't call it aids man,
Because it's not helping you.
Don't say I have aids.
It's like oh,
that's cool, I like aid.
Call it bads.
Like bad ass disease.
What are you doing honey?
I have this shabbat
dinner to go to now.
How do I get myself
in these situations.
What is shabbat?
I don't know.
It's something jewish
and I have to go do it.
Okay listen, drama!
What happened?
Marina
What about her?
Got in a fight with uh, Liam.
That asshole, he broke
up with her this morning.
Where is he?
Is he here?
Nah, she went to see
him at the bush barn.
The bush barn?
What is the bush barn?
It's like a barn where they
must have plants or bushes.
She's got to try and get
back together with Liam.
I don't know if she's going
to get back together with him
Because I gave her my gun.
You gave her your gun.
Listen, a girl's passionate,
she's going to fight a man.
He might be armed.
I'm giving her the gun.
All right, let's go
to the bush barn.
I can't have her killing Liam.
Then we've gotta get over there.
Let's go.
Where is it?
Kettis doctor.
Kettiger.
Starts with a k and
ends with street.
Kestnosterger.
Okay, we'll look it up.
We'll look it up in the car.
Okay, but I'm taking a weapon.
Yeah, okay, all right.
Canadadogger.
OkayAh
Ketterter.
Here it is bush
barn here we come.
Did I not tell you
kettenzdiger waza street.
No, you did.
You did, I'm surprised.
Oh, I hope she hasn't
done anything crazy.
Eddie, let's go.
Listen, I'm not
going to go in there.
Why not?
Because there's a girl
in there with a gun.
But that's why you have to come.
To protect me.
I'm tall, I'm not
good with bullets.
Okay, all right fine.
What was I thinking you'd
actually be productive.
Stay low.
I will stay low, I'm 5'4".
Hey svet!
What, what, what?
I don't want the guitar.
No, you need this.
Uh, okay.
Music heals.
Yeah, okay all right, all right.
And it'll stop the bullets.
The wide part though.
Keep the wide part in front
of your heart and kidney.
Excuse me, can I help you?
Yeah, I just need to get inside.
No, sorry, private party.
Private party?
Yes.
Okay, well my
daughter is in there.
No.
Sorry, seriously, private party.
Psst.
All right, all right.
What is going on?
What is happening?
It's a dyke bar.
It's a dyke bar.
Bush bar
I'm so stupid.
I thought it was
livestock or something.
Oh my God.
Vagina.
Vagina, yeah, yeah.
What was with the bouncer.
What was that?
She's angry.
These are a lot of hardcore,
hardcore dykes hang out here.
Excuse me.
That's okay but you know I
have to get in there because my
Daughter is there.
Your daughter?
Who's your daughter?
Marina.
Marina.
Yeah, you know marina?
No, I do know marina.
I like marina.
Oh really, well if all goes well
we'll get rid of this asshole
Liam, then you're in for good.
Liam?
Yeah, her boy..
Well her girlfriend,
she said boyfriend.
She didn't want to tell me.
She should tell me.
I'm her mother.
How can you not
tell me you're a dyke.
I didn't know she
was seeing somebody.
Well yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I have to..
Because drama is going down.
So how do I get in there.
How do I get in there.
Do you want me to go
talk to her for you.
Because she's not
going to let you in.
Yeah.
It's not a good thing when a
chick like you walks into a
Lesbian bar.
Especially when your
daughter is in there.
And she's in the closet
You know what, can you hold
this for one minute honey.
Just one minute.
Hi, how are you honey.
You're a cutie.
Let's go, let's go behind
the dumpster for a minute,
Yeah.
What you say we got
talk about something yeah.
I'm doing good.
How are you doing?
Good, good.
(crying) can you believe.
Marina!
What are you doing?
Mom!
What are you doing here?
Why didn't you tell
me you were dyke.
You were busy.
I'm never to busy to know
my daughter is lesbian.
I'm sorry.
(crying).
Okay, okay, who is it?
Which one is it?
At the bar.
Oh, she's hot actually.
Yeah, and she likes
green like you do.
Not, woman next to her.
That one?
Yeah.
Marina, she's pushing 60.
She's so sexy.
Give me the gun,
I'll handle it, okay.
Please.
I will handle it.
I will handle it.
You're going to shoot her?
Maybe, we'll see
how it goes, okay.
Okay.
All right, okay,
just, just, simmer down.
Have some more milk, hon.
Scram.
Hi there.
How are you?
I'm doing very well.
I heard you're quite
the little heartbreaker.
Who told you that?
Marina.
How do you know marina?
She's a good friend of mine.
What else did she tell you?
She told me you didn't text
her back within the 1 hour
Appropriate time difference.
The whole thing is
so out of proportion.
So what I didn't text
her back for one hour.
There has to be
something deeper.
If you wanted to text her back,
you would have texted her back.
My battery died.
It happens every day.
I don't buy it.
All right Liam, I
don't buy the bullsit.
Speak up.
I want to have kids.
She doesn't want to have kids.
What am I gonna do about that?
She's only 23 years old.
Why would she want to have kid.
Her time is running out.
For you maybe, but not for her.
I need 'em now.
I want to leave my
business to children.
What is your business?
I own a lumbar yard.
That's nice.
It's a really nice one too.
I'm sure it is.
Look, I think you have
to live in the moment.
I mean your old.
You're older than
me and that's old.
We don't know how much time you
have left on this planet right?
But you have hot chick that
wants to make out with you on
Regular basis, I say enjoy it.
I was enjoying it.
Well then go back and enjoy it.
Well, she could
compromise a little bit.
Having a kid is
not compromising,
All right.
Give her time. All right?
Give her a couple of years.
Go back there.
A couple of years!
Okay, a year.
God, I'll be pushing daisies by
the time that kid gets out of
Junior high.
It happens all the time.
You know like Michael Douglas
and Catherine zeta Jones.
I mean look at him.
He's all wrinkly raisin, right?
But I'm not.
No, you're hot.
And your hot #1 should
go talk to hot #2 okay.
She's waiting for
you at the table.
Who are you?
I'm svetlana.
Svetlana moximoskya.
Thanks for your advice.
Oh bushka.
Will you ever forgive me?
(crying).
I'm sorry I almost shot you.
Come here my little pumpkin.
Svetlana.
Terrell?
What are you doing here?
We gotta go to shabbat.
Oh shabbat dinner, sht!
Come on.
Come on, hey, hey Jesus.
What is it?
I found it on Google images.
Well how come you
didn't get me one?
Because it's all they had
left in the thrift shop.
Okay, well all right, at
least let me adjust it for you.
Okay.
You ready?
Ready hubby?
Thank you, thank you.
All right let's go.
Okay.
Oh no the head, the head.
Hey.
Shabbat.
This is really, really good.
Thank you.
My compliments to the chef.
To the chef.
Do you guys like
living in the area?
This area is great.
We like all the
jewish people in it.
And we like being
jewish near the jews.
You know what I mean.
You know whenever I get to be
around the jewish folks of my
Own kind, then we feel jewish.
It's great to have
that sense of community.
Yeah, sense of jewish community.
Only jewish community.
Which is the best
kind of community.
Does Boris have a lot of
friends in the community.
Oh many friends, many friends.
Mulala.
Schlomo.
And uh all the jews,
all the circumcised kids.
Everybody is circumcised.
We do not allow
the uncircumcised.
We check it.
We check it at the door.
Oop
Good you're in.
Time to play scrabble.
Where did he go
to hebrew school?
Yes.
Yes he did.
No, where did he go
to hebrew school?
Yeah, he did for many years.
Fluent.
Great time.
He's very good at jewishness.
Very good hebrew stuff.
What's the story
with your yamaka.
It's very interesting.
Yeah, afrosheen, makes it shiny.
I was referring to your
yamaka on top of the hair.
Oh my yamaka.
His what?
Oh the pocket?
The pocket.
We like to color coordinate.
I believe that no
material should be wasted.
Thank you that's the rabbi.
Tarfanhalel.
Yeah.
That's the one.
What's going on here?
You're clearly not jewish.
I am all jewish.
We are all jewish.
Don't offend me here.
I brought you along.
You wouldn't let me
wear the accessories.
I came in here looking kd
lang and you took all the
Accessories.
What, but I'm the one
who knows everything.
Yeah, because you
didn't give me guide.
You took pamphlet,
you went online.
I had to deal with
other things in the house.
I don't see vlad here.
Vlad is too sick.
Who's here?
I know you're here.
Who's vlad?
Terrell is here.
I know you're here, okay.
Fine.
Gimme a kiss.
Okay.
Sorry.
We're jewish we
fight like old jews.
We fight a lot.
You know how it goes.
You know West bank,
you know West bank gaza.
That's us in the house.
Fata movement and Hamas and
they don't know what they want.
They don't take responsibility.
I know people.
Come on bring it on,
bring it on arafat.
Right bring it on.
He's dead.
What?
He's dead.
He died about 10 years ago.
Yeah, yeah.
He haunts me still.
All right, all right enough.
What's the story?
About the pocket?
About everything, I guess.
I don't know if there has been
any truth to anything you've
Told me since I met you.
I did rip off the pocket
and put it on his head.
I believe that.
I do use afrosheen.
There we go, we're not lying.
Let's cut the crap.
Let's cut the crap.
I'm ready to cut the crap.
I need your help, okay?
My child Boris, he's been
expelled from 5 schools already,
5 schools.
They take him away from me.
Do you live at home?
I do live at home yes?
Not my home.
Not her home.
Different home.
Yeah.
My realtor.
What are you going to
do, my husband was sick.
The point is I need your help.
We need Boris in your school.
He's perfect fit.
He'll wear the pocket.
It's not a discriminatory thing.
All of our students
already know their alafet,
They can already read hebrew.
He knows his alphabet,
what are you talking about.
Thank you.
These are things that are
Okay, he's not jewish.
If he doesn't get
into your school,
They take him away and
put him in foster care.
Why foster care?
Because he can't
be living with me.
It's foster care or a..
Pleasure center.
Prostitution.
Let's wake up, okay.
Let's put it on the table and
apparently child services thinks
Its is in conflict.
Child can't be
around prostitutes.
What is so wrong about that?
How'd we get here?
Yeah, procreation, hello.
Procreation
ladies and gentleman.
You know it's like television.
Blood okay,
violence, okay, sex oooh
Cable hbo.
Hbo it's okay.
Showtime.
Skinimax, you know.
Exactly.
They still have skinimax?
They really still have it.
I don't watch it.
Svetlana, if we
could stay on point.
They came to me this
morning, they said look.
You have one last resort.
This Beth school and if
you don't get him in there,
Put him with some God
forbid latino family somewhere.
Can you imagine that?
Those empanadas and those corn
and the fried corn and old corn
And baked corn.
And everything is corn, corn,
corn and they look like little
Pieces of corn.
So all I'm asking is
take my son please.
Take him into your
boarding school.
You know just for family unit.
For jewish value.
If you would have just told me
that in the beginning it would
Have been fine.
We'll educate anyone.
What do you mean I could have
told you that at the beginning.
At our meeting today.
Why didn't you just
tell me that then,
Instead of this whole ruse.
What?
Because she told me
you have to be jewish.
They only want jewish.
They have to be jewish.
What's a ruse?
That's just a
regular English word man.
Oh okay.
Go to hebrew stuff and the
yiddish stuff but you can't do
Monosyllables.
Excuse me, I didn't
go to the sat factory.
Okay, are we good?
Because I have
client back at the house.
So can we just wrap it up
because I'm kind of full
Already.
This brisket is
just giving me gas.
So can we just toast.
Here we go up.
There we go and
Uh hey.
Oh vladkey how you doing, honey?
Uh, so, so.
You're not feeling better?
How was the jew dinner?
Oh it was jewy.
Very jewy.
But I think we got
Boris in the school.
All right.
That's my boy.
Let me take your
temperature honey,
Flip over.
What's wrong.
Well I took the temperature
the last time and something just
Sucked it in.
Vlad, you can't take
temperature yourself,
You know this.
I know.
I have to go in now, you ready?
Okay.
All right.
I think you did this on purpose.
I have a feeling.
Okay, here we go.
Breathe deep, we're going in.
Oh
(grunts).
Oh, I feel something,
no that's pancreas.
Breathe in.
Oh!
Okay.
Oh, you're normal.
Fantastic.
They're staring at us.
Do something.
(singing).
(singing).
That's where your done eating.
That's not
(continues singing).
(continues singing).
What, what
applause, nothing, nothing.
That was pretty good.