The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius (2002) s01e09 Episode Script

1
Gotta Blast!
From here to the stars,
fueled by candy bars ♪
Rides a kid with a knack
for invention ♪
( gasps )
With super-powered mind,
a mechanical canine ♪
( barks )
He rescues the day
from sure destruction ♪
Help!
This is the theme song ♪
( screams )
For Jimmy Neutron. ♪
( mechanical whirring )
( barking )
( yells )
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and MTV TELEVISION NETWORKS
JIMMY:
Gentlemen, I present
Monday-morning-forgotten-report
delivery system.
Better known
as man's best friend-- Goddard!
Thanks, boy.
( barks )
Hurry up!
Let's get to class
before the bell rings.
Yeah.
( gulps )
You don't want
to run into
the hall monitor!
Hey, Neutron,
you know the rules.
No dogs at school.
That's a demerit.
And where's
your hall pass?
I don't need one, Chuck.
I'm not in the hall
and class hasn't started yet.
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
( school bell ringing )
Now you need a pass.
That's another demerit.
And you're late to class.
Another demerit.
Have a nice day.
Class, I'm afraid I have
some very sad news.
They're canceling
the Ultra Lord Show?!
Llamas are extinct?!
No, no, no.
Chuck Lester,
our beloved hall monitor
is moving to Greece and
( sobbing )
will be leaving us.
( wild cheering )
We will now choose
the next hall monitor
as directed
by the Lindbergh Elementary
( squawks ) constitution
by picking a random name
from this hat.
That's the worst, stupidest,
most boring job in the world.
( scoffs )
I would hate to be hall monitor.
I want to be hall monitor.
I want to be hall monitor
Carl Wheezer.
I accept!
I forgot to tell you
that your mother left
an extra pair of clean
you-know-what ( clucks )
up at the office.
Now back to the new hall monitor
announcement.
It's Jimmy Neutron!
No!!!
This is the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.
Being a hall monitor
was the best thing
that ever happened to me.
( sighing ):
Oh, yeah.
The tight uniform,
the smell of the hall
the beautiful noise
that my shoes made
when I walked.
( imitating squeaking )
Uh-huh. That's,
uh, great, Dad.
But there's a danger
hidden beneath the glamour, son.
A man in uniform is
a powerful thing.
Don't abuse your position
or it could be really, really
Oh, what do they call it?
not good.
Principal Willoughby,
can't you get someone else
to be hall monitor?
Jimmy, did you know
that the old man
you like so much
with the funny hair
and the big brain
and the "E equals MC-squared"
thingy was a hall monitor?
Albert Einstein was
a hall monitor?
Well, I've never read that
in the 178 biographies
I've read about him.
Oh, it's a hundred
percent true.
( chuckles )
Good luck.
Einstein was a hall monitor.
You know what
they say
about a man
in uniform, Libby?
Well, it's a lie.
Once a nerdtron,
always a nerdtron.
Careful, Cindy.
Jimmy's "The Man" now.
He can get us
into trouble.
I can?
Oh, oh, yeah.
I can.
Cut the chitchat, ladies.
Moving it along,
and remember--
I'm keeping an eye on you.
( grunts )
Hey, watch where
you're going, punk!
You're dead mea ( gasps )
Oh.
Mr. Hall Monitor, sir.
How clumsy of me.
Uh, I have
my pass right here.
( nervous laughter )
Nice to see you. Ciao!
For once this boy genius
may have been wrong.
This is a great job.
Congratulations, Jimmy.
I've never seen the halls
look so orderly.
Miss Fowl, we
might be looking
at the greatest
hall monitor ever!
Maybe even greater
than Albert Einstein.
I will bring
Lindbergh Elementary
into the new millennium
and beyond
with state-of-the art
hall monitoring.
And you're going to help me.
( whimpers )
The hall pass authenticator.
Able to detect
counterfeit passes.
The IDM background check
scanner.
Hear me,
flouters of hallway law:
Jimmy Neutron is on the job.
( wheels squeak )
( beeps )
Hi, Jimmy.
Can I touch
your uniform?
Halt! Your papers?
I-I have a pass.
I was just going
to the bathroom
'cause I always go
at 8:47, 9:23
11:42
JIMMY:
Wheezer, Carl.
Bloodtype:
O Negative.
Card-carrying member
of the Llama Love Society.
Prior arrests: None.
Everything's in order.
Move along.
( whimpering )
( scatting to music )
Nerdtron being hall monitor
is the worst thing
that's happened
to this school
since they banned
extreme jump roping.
( siren blaring )
Ms. Vortex, pull over.
What's the problem, ha?
I believe you've committed
a fashion infraction.
Goddard, obtain pants'
measurement data.
11 3/4 inches.
Too short for pants,
yet too long for shorts.
A direct violation
of the Lindbergh Elementary
Fashion Treaty of '97.
Why don't you do something
useful and arrest yourself
for being a dork?
Is that music
you're listening to?
( giggling ):
Yeah.
It's the new song
by the cute Multi-cultural
Boys With No Attitude.
There is no pop, punk,
funkhouse, blues, rock, roll
oldies or easy listening
allowed in the halls.
Goddard, confiscate.
Uh-oh ( gasps )
Music withdrawal!
( shrieks )
Skin feeling clammy.
( rattling )
Whoa, that was on
the harsh side.
Do you have
a problem, citizen?
What's in the gym bag?
W-What?
Hey, Jimmy, it's me--
the Sheenster.
Cut me some slack, homefly.
Goddard, X-ray.
Ultra Lord comic,
Ultra Lord action figure
Ultra Lord
athletic supporter
Ah-hah!
And what do we have here?
( sniffs )
A colorfully wrapped
sucrose-based chewing substance.
Gum perhaps?
Uh, I wasn't chewing it.
That's possession, Sheen.
You are going down.
Uh, Jimmy, I'm not doing
anything wrong
or b-b-bad or evil, am I?
You have exceeded
the amount of
llama stickers
on your lunch box.
I know, but
but I got a special permit.
Shh.
I think your friend's hat
is on a little too tight.
His hats are always too tight.
Look at his head.
Maybe we should get
Principal Willoughby.
Are you conducting
a secret meeting?
Is this a conspiracy
to start a riot?
Up against the wall!
Spread 'em!
O-Okay, Neutron,
you're out of control.
I'm making a citizen's arrest.
I want a public defender!
I want my music!
I want my mommy!
( whining )
And some fudge.
Red alert, Goddard!
This is not drill.
This floor is on lockdown.
Incarcerate the troublemakers.
( blues rhythm )
I miss my music ♪
Na-na-na-na ♪
I miss it so bad
that I could cry ♪
Na-na-na-na ♪
If I don't get my music ♪
Lady, we don't sing
the blues here.
( clinking )
No tin-cup banging,
Gum Boy.
Aw, man.
And no carving keys
to your cell out of soap.
Um Mr. Hall Monitor, sir?
Can I go to the bathroom,
please?
Yeah Yeah, me, too!
I got to go to.
All right.
You have 60 seconds.
Oh
I don't know
if I can go that fast.
58 seconds.
We got to get
out of here, Carl.
But I'm not done yet.
No, I mean get out
and get help.
Jimmy's gone nuts.
I have an escape plan.
Check it out.
I'll disguise myself
as a rhesus monkey
and shimmy down the fire escape
with my feet, and then you
Goddard, retract and access
central toilet system
and flush 'em out.
Surf's up!
( yelling )
What in the name
of all things bright
and beautiful
is going on?
These hooligans were trying
to escape.
Principal Willoughby, Jimmy's
unleashed a reign of terror.
Terror!
( grunting )
He is the worst
hall monitor ever!
He's still my best friend
but he's gone mad with power!
I'm simply doing my job.
Goddard, hose
these radicals down
and put 'em in chains.
Wait a minute.
Goddard, records everything.
He can prove how crazy
Jimmy's been
in high definition
and Dolby THX.
Yeah. Let's see what man's best
friend has up his hard drive.
Hah! He won't show you
subversive types anything.
Why not?
'Cause you didn't say
"Goddard,
access hall monitor tapes."
Darn.
( no audio )
DAD:
But there's a danger
hidden beneath the glamour,
son.
A man in uniform is
a powerful thing.
Hi, Ji-uh-Ji-sonny.
Just dropped by to remind you
not to overdo that whole, uh,
hall monitor thing.
I did, and darn if I didn't lose
every friend I had.
Buh-bye!
( thud )
( gasps )
Is Is that really me?
D-Did I become obsessed
with power in my quest
to emulate Albert Einstein
and be the greatest
hall monitor?
ALL:
Yes!
Oh, about Einstein being
a hall monitor, Jimmy--
that was my sister Eunice.
( chuckles )
I'm always getting them
confused.
KIDS:
Eww!
Principal Willoughby,
I hereby resign.
( cheering )
I'm afraid
that's impossible.
According to the Lindbergh
school constitution
hall monitors can't resign.
( squawks )
You have to be fired
for breaking the rules.
Hmm
for breaking the rules, eh?
( singsongy ):
I'm chewing gum!
I'm playing music!
My pants are too short.
I'm putting
too many stickers
on my lunch box!
And now, let's pick
our next hall monitor!
Carl Wheezer.
Victory is mine!
Your mother called.
She said don't forget
to take your ( squawks )
nose drops.
Oh.
And the new hall monitor is
Ultra Hall Monitor says,
None shall pass!
( school bell ringing )
( kids shouting )
( Sheen yelling )
SHEEN:
Seven!
Your llama is sucked
into a volcanic sinkhole
where flesh-eating bats
will nip at his screaming face.
Sheen!
There aren't any
volcanic sinkholes
in Llama's Day Out.
Maybe that explains
why I'm not having fun.
Hi, Carl.
I ran out of chemicals
mid-experiment
and I know you got a chemistry
set for your birthday.
SHEEN:
Eleven!
Hey, you can use my
chemistry set, Jim.
Oh, the potato's
not included.
Uh, that's okay.
I assume
it comes with a few cc's
of ethyl mercaptin.
Uh no.
Well, I can work around that.
How about some
dimercural sulfonative?
Uh yeah? No.
Tritium nitrate?
I've got salt.
Oh! Pukin' Pluto!
How's a guy
supposed to make
a four-dimensional
hypercube molecule
without access to
the complete spectrum
of inorganic
chemicals?!
Welcome to
my nightmare.
Here you go, Jimmy.
Check out this leaflet
from inside the box.
"Also try
our ultra-deluxe model.
Contains every element
from aluminum to zirconium."
Now, that's
what I'm talking about!
( sighing )
Aw, who am I kidding?
I don't have any money
and my birthday's
three months away.
Ah, quit procrastinati.
Ah, forget it;
I'm rolling for you.
( chortling ):
One.
And Carl's llama falls down.
Down into the sulfurous mud pit.
How the snake god
will be pleased.
Hey, how could
you roll the one
if there are two dice?
Huh? Oh.
Yeah.
( gasping )
Someone get me
the jaws of life!
I wish I could invent g
that would chew up
three months of my life.
Summer school-- trust me.
Too bad you can't use
your hypno-thingamajiggy
to make your parents think
your birthday's next week.
Carl that's brilliant!
Really? But I said it.
Uh, think about it, Carl.
I mean, my parents enjoy
seeing me happy, don't they?
That's true.
It would be selfish
to make them wait
another three months
to give you a gift
when they could give
it to you next week.
Next week?
I can't stand to make
them suffer one more day.
To the lab!
Okay,
now to set the hypno-command.
( clearing throat )
Tomorrow is Jimmy's birthday.
Here comes
Mr. Walking Man ♪
Walk-walk-walking,
Walking Man ♪
( fluttering lips
and laughing )
Mom, Dad
look over here.
It's not polite
to point, son.
But I guess we
can let it slide
'cause it's your
birthday tomorrow!
Oh, my gosh!
Hugh-- presents!
Uh, Sweet Petunias, we have
to go to the mall for Jimmy.
Oh, and what
are you going to buy?
Um, uh groceries.
Then gift wrap.
Uh, for the groceries.
Okay. I'll just stay here
and play
with my woefully out-of-date
chemistry set.
And don't you dare look
when we come back.
We want the groceries
to be a surprise.
Swift one, Sugar Booger.
Don't burn down the ho.
Buh-bye.
( bleating )
CLOWN:
Hey, here's
a nother one, kids.
Giggle's special
Cool party, Neutron
but, uh, aren't you kind of old
for the clown thing?
Well, you
know parents.
They like thinking
that we're all still
five years old.
That was amazing!
Did you have to swear
a circus oath
to never reveal the source
of your clown powers?
Don't make fun of me.
BOTH:
Happy Birthday, Jimmy!
Oh, thanks, Mom and Dad.
Remember when we said we
were getting groceries?
Well, we got some, and then
we stopped and got this!
No!
Yeah.
I was utterly fooled.
You're having
a birthday party
and you didn't even invite us,
Neutron?
Not that we'd want to come.
Sorry.
It was kind of unexpected.
What do you mean?
Don't you know when
your own birthday is?
Yes, of course.
In fact, I have another one
coming up
in a couple months.
Cindy, Libby--
have some cake and goody bags.
Hi, how's it going?
So, which kid
is yours?
I'm the clown.
Oh. I didn't, uh,
want to assume.
Well, in this house,
we never judge people
by the multicolor
of their skin.
Ah, great birthday.
Great four-dimensional
hypercube.
Good night, Goddard.
( snoring )
BOTH:
Happy Birthday, Jimmy!
Did you say today's my birthday?
( laughing ):
That's right!
Your party's
already started.
We called
all your friends.
And almost half of
them called us back.
We even hired
A clown!
A clown!
( bleating )
That's awesome!
No, it's better
than awesome.
It's clownificent!
Let me guess, Neutron.
You've finally driven
your parents insane.
We know something's
going on
and we're going
to find out what.
Cindy, Libby, have some cake
and goody bags.
You were saying?
BOTH:
Happy Birthday, Jimmy!
Hiya, Clownie!
( gulping )
I thought you were
only going to do
this once, Jimmy.
I must have worded the
hypno-command wrong.
I'll undo it right now.
Although
I could use a few more beakers
and test tubes.
BOTH:
Happy Birthday, Jimmy!
Three birthday parties in a row.
You're one lucky dude,.
Jimmy's not lucky.
He's a genius.
Yeah. I'm going
to Jimmy's birthday
every day for the
rest of my life.
Happy seventh birthday
this week, Jim.
Um, I kind of ran out
of gift ideas
so, I brought you
some meat from my refr.
How about the quarter
behind the ear?
You did that yesterday.
I could make my hair
go up and down.
You did that
one Thursday.
( chanting ):
New tricks, new tricks,
new tricks!
Cindy, Libby, have some cake
and goody bags.
( burping )
No, thanks,
Mrs. Neutron.
Do you have any
carrot sticks
or maybe some antacid?
Live a little, girls!
Jimmy's birthday
only comes once a year.
And now I'm going to, um
pull a mysterious label
out of my hat.
"Dry clean only."
( morose chuckle )
( listless booing )
Come on.
No donkey is safe
from my awesome tail-
pinning abilities.
CARL:
Hey, what are you ow!
SHEEN:
Oops, my bad, Carl.
Ow. No offense, Jimmy
but if you wanted
to skip your birthday
for a few days
I wouldn't mind.
Ugh. Yeah, I'm getting
a little tired
of the party bit
myself, Carl.
I guess nothing
lasts forever.
Except summer school.
Trust me.
Hypno-beam, reprogram.
Okay, here's a new one.
I take something
from the audience
and hit it with a hammer.
That will do just fine.
Hey, hey, no!
No, wait, it says
put it under a hankie
and pretend to hit it.
Anyone got a hankie?
I'm stuck in my birthday.
Mom, Dad, um, listen
is it okay if I don't have
a birthday party today?
Well, of course
you're not having
a birthday party
today, Jimbo.
You're going
off to college!
College?!
BOTH:
Happy 18th birthday!
And since we seem to be
up to our chinny-chin-chins
in massive, paralyzing debt,
Mr. Giggles
will be moving
into your room.
( giggling )
I never get tired of that one.
Whoa, wait!
I'm not 18!
You can't
just give my bedroom away
to some creepy circus performer.
See you downstairs
at your going-away party.
Ah, this is the life.
Say, could you teach me
how to get my hair
in that ridiculous shape?
So, you see, you were hypnotized
the whole time.
I'm still just a kid, really.
I like sugary cereals,
and, uh
I think girls are icky,
and everything.
Surprise!
Surprise!
We know it's not really
your birthday, Jimmy.
You you know?
Yes, we know.
When Mr. Giggles
broke your thingamajig
it undid that dark
and sinister hold you
had over our thoughts.
From now on, you'll
just have to wait
for your birthday
like everyone else.
Oh, and Carl's mom
wants her meat back.
I'm sorry I tricked you guys
but your parties
were so much fun for awhile.
Jimmy, clowns and
balloons don't
make kids happy.
Moms and dads
make kids happy.
Well, what a
lovely sentiment,
Mr. Giggles.
You've got a heart
as big as your shoes.
Thanks. Here's my bill.
Holy polka dots!
Uh, if you need me
I'll be reflecting
on how fortunate I am
to have such
forgiving parents. Bye.
Not so fast, young man.
There's still the matter
of your punishment.
No one with
a genius IQ
should have to scrub floors
to pay off a clown.
How long does this go on for?
Forever. Trust me.
( yelling )
( bleating )
Captioned by
access.wgbh.org