The Barbarian and the Troll (2021) s01e09 Episode Script

- What is a ribbon,
but a barrier between you
and them?
Your scissors must be
sharp enough to cleave iron
and your opponent.
I want a clean cut, girls.
No frays.
Ready? And snip.
- That's perfect, Sharon.
No frays whatsoever.
Good you.
Oh, my.
Karon, this is awful.
- Oh, I'm so sorry,
Your Majesty.
- It's fine, dear.
- Oh.
- Now cut your hair off.
- What?
- Cut your hair off,
but only the right side.
- But that's my good side.
- Not anymore. Snip, snip.
- Oh.
Oh, my, that is awful.
Well, every time you look
in the mirror,
let it remind you
of the importance of practice.
Sharon always practices.
You're my perfect
little warrior.
Come stand next to me.
The rest of you, shoo.
- Hark, hark!
The boney general approaches.
♪
- Your Majesty.
- General Skelly,
your bony feet have scuffed
my nice floor.
- Oh. I apologize.
I'llremove them.
Ow!
Ah! Oh!
- What is it you want, General?
- I come with tales to tattle,
my liege.
Brendar the Barbarian
is making a fool of you.
Right now, she's out there
questing.
- Did you say
Brendar is questing?
- She and her group are
on their way
to the lair of the demon Alvin.
- That's impossible,
Your Majesty.
- We shall see.
- Are we there yet?
- We'll get there
when we get there.
- Well, Sharon?
- How could she be questing?
I took her slogan!
I defeated her!
- Silence!
You do not speak unless I say
you can speak.
- Give me the supplies I need,
and I will track down
that barbarian
and, in your name,
take her out once and for all.
I do like that.
General Skelly, I will give you
all the power and riches
you desire,
but I want one thing in return.
- Anything, Your Majesty.
- Bring me the boots
of Brendar the Barbarian.
- A troll burned
his bridge ♪
A warrior lost her crown ♪
I'm not being poetic ♪
That's literally
what went down ♪
Together their journey
has begun ♪
Combining might and melody ♪
To quest and smite a demon ♪
And find their true family ♪
Yeah ♪
"The Barbarian
and the Troll" ♪
Ooh, ooh ♪
"The Barbarian
and the Troll" ♪
♪
- Well, we're lost.
Horace!
- Huh?
- Ugh.
You had the map
upside down this whole time?
- Is it too late for me
to migrate?
- We should have been going
south, not north.
- Whoo! Ha! I got you.
- Not cool, Evan.
-
Now you get me.
Come on, make one. Toss it.
- Evan, I'm not in the mood.
- How can you not be
in the mood?
Look at all this snow.
It makes me feel like making
a snow angel.
Whoo!
Oh, She's beautiful.
I'm gonna name her Charlotte.
- Let's blow
this literal popsicle stand.
- We're figuring it out.
- Start with going
down this mountain.
Hey, look.
- Ugh, Evan!
- It's Mr. Chillberg.
He's 32 and likes hot drinks,
even though they're bad
for him.
Hey, Horace, you think you
could zap him with your staff
and make him come to life?
Because then we'd have
a new quest friend.
- What did he say?
♪
Yeah, that's what I heard.
At least there's a break
in the storm.
- Brendar, leave him.
The storm's
coming back stronger.
I can feel it.
- We're not leaving anybody.
We don't have time for games.
- Chill out, Brendar.
Get it? 'Cause it's so cold?
- Okay.
There's no time for play.
We gotta go.
- Brendar, behind you!
- Sorry, Mr. Chillberg.
♪
- Yeah!
- Way to go, Evan.
- All right!
- Whoo-hoo!
Are you okay?
- That was quick thinking,
Evan.
- Well, I can't take
any credit.
It was all Mr. Chillberg.
- We have to get out of here
before that thing wakes up.
- It was the troll!
- I saw the whole thing!
- Why do they hate us?
- Why?
- Stop right there!
I am General Gertie
of the Florffs.
- The Florffs?
We are the Florffs!
- No one is going anywhere
until we get to the bottom
of this attack.
- Attack?
That thing tried to kill us.
- That "thing" is a snowgre.
-
A snowgre?
That sounds scary.
- Well, they're positively
frightening,
and our Fluffy is the scariest
in Florff community.
- He's moving!
He's moving!
- Watch out!
- Oh?
- Huh?
- Aww.
- Evan, don't go over there--
-
Who's a cutie? You are.
Yes, you are,
with your big tum-tummy.
- Two of a kind.
- Blech!
I think he likes me.
You're so cute.
- That troll is under arrest
for damaging our snowgre.
- Fluffy's fine. Look at him.
- If Fluffy were fine,
you'd be in pieces by now.
You've ruined him.
- He's a kitten!
- Who will protect us?
- The troll needs to pay.
- Take the troll!
- Freeze his credit!
- Because of this
troll's actions,
we are now vulnerable.
He must stand before our judge.
- Okay, we don't want
any trouble,
so let me just explain
to the troll what's happening.
Get over here.
- Whoa!
- Okay, I don't know
these creatures or their ways,
but we're making a run for it
in three, two
- One step forward
and I will have
every single flake of snow
coming down on you
within seconds.
We control the avalanches.
- You won't stand a chance.
Take this troll they call Evan.
- Huh? What? Oh!
No!
Ho, ho, ho ♪
- I'm really scared
about what's gonna happen next,
but I still love the snow!
- How you doing?
- Oh, I'm fine.
The Florffs are being
very sweet to me.
In fact, my guard,
Andy de Florff,
he's teaching me
all about snow.
Did you know no two snowflakes
are alike?
- Yeah, but all of them
are freezing.
I'm so cold, I can't even feel
my drumsticks.
- Dad, how can you be thinking
about lunch right now?
- Psst, Brendar, the storm is
getting closer.
We gotta hit the ice fast.
- Florff Court is now
in session.
The honorable Judge
Rainelle Florff presiding.
- Opening statements.
- I am Brendar the Barbarian.
Ah!
Who threw that?
Reveal yourself, coward.
- It's not your turn to speak.
- A barbarian doesn't
need permission.
- You're walking on thin ice.
- Mm-hmm.
- Your Honor, Beauregard
Jefferson Florffington III,
Esquire, for the Florffs.
Now, the Florff community
is a--
is a humble community,
but how can we sustain
our way of life
when the Warm Bloods
invade our town
and damage
our most fearsome protector?
- Our community is doomed.
I demand the troll
be held for
murder!
- Murder?
- Oh, my.
- What?
Oh, I'm sorry, Margaret.
That's my to-do list.
I meant to say cruelty
to our Fluffy.
- False alarm.
- You can speak now, Barbarian.
You got anything you want
to say?
- Yeah, your Fluffy was about
to make us his breakfast,
and Evan was just
protecting us.
- Yeah. Hi, everybody.
I'm Evan.
Hi, Evan.
- And I'm very sorry
about what happened.
- I doubt it.
- He really is.
In a way, Evan is our Fluffy,
if Fluffy was a purple troll
who played music.
Anyway, we'll pay any fine
and just be on our way.
Okay?
-
- Come on! Is that necessary?
- Evan the musical troll
must stand trial
for Fluffy cruelty.
- Yeah, sounds fair.
- What?
- Mush!
Mush!
Mush!
Once I get Brendar's boots,
I'll be rich and powerful.
I'll rule the world.
Mush!
- You know, hold on one second.
General, I feel like
I must point out here
that none of us are named Mush.
- Wha--
- I'm Michael,
and this is Linda.
- It's good to see you,
General.
- And up front is--
- Enough! Just go faster.
- Ah, sure,
he gets Enough's name right.
- Go!
- Staying positive ♪
In the face
of certain Florffs ♪
Freezing and shivering ♪
Missing my dwarves, yeah ♪
Ooh ♪
- They were gnomes, Evan.
- Yeah.
Wha--oh, hey, guys.
- Come on. We're going.
- What do you mean?
- What do you mean,
"What do you mean?"
We're busting you out, kid.
- We can make a run for it.
We just have to get going
before General Avalanche
figures out we're gone.
- But what about the trial?
- Forget the trial.
It doesn't matter.
- Of course it matters.
You see, we Warm Bloods
have to--
- You are a troll,
not a Warm Blood.
We have a chance. Let's go.
- Brendar, I can't leave
until I face the Florffs.
Justice for Fluffy!
- Are you kidding me?
- Brendar, we have to beat
that storm.
- You're right.
I'll chop down the cell.
- No, no, no. Stop. No, no, no.
Each one of these bars takes
seven sundowns to form.
- Stop talking
about the Florffs.
Evan, listen to me.
I am so close to Kendar
that I can't stop
for all this nonsense.
- Well, then go.
Brendar, you have what you need
to get your brother.
You have Axe, you have the map.
You don't need me.
I want you to go.
- But I don't know what the
Florffs are gonna do to you.
- Well, that's a risk
I have to take.
You gotta go
before that storm comes.
- He's right.
We can wait out the storm
with him.
- That storm won't be warm.
- Go get your brother Kendar,
Brendar.
- We move in first light.
Once I have those boots,
all the wealth and power
I desire will be mine!
But first, dinner.
- What?
Oh, yeah.
Right away, boss. Yeah.
- Linda.
- What?
- You forgot to pack the food.
- No, I was supposed to pack
the cheese grater.
You were supposed to pack
the food.
-
Ah.
Maybe General Skelly
won't notice.
- Yes, nothing like eating
food cooked over an open flame
under the blanket of stars
to put the marrow
in a man's bones.
- Quick, think of something!
- Follow me.
- Coming.
Here you are, General.
- A frosted chili
with a demi-glace.
And how about a little garnish
for you there, boss, eh?
Yeah. So fresh. So tasty.
- But I wanted something hot.
- Oh, great.
I slave all day
over a cold meal,
and no one appreciates it.
- All right. I'll try it.
♪
Hmm.
Say, that is tasty.
Is that smoked paprika?
- Yes. Yes, it is.
- I knew it.
I have an excellent palate.
Back at the castle, I--
Oh.
Brainfreeze!
- Mrs. Flufferburger,
where were you
when the incident occurred?
- I was in my garden
tending to my iceberg lettuce
and my snowmatoes
when I saw him marking
his territory
by rubbing his body
in the snow.
Like he was mocking us.
- Mm-mm-mm.
- I have children!
- Now, I'm not one
to body-shame
- Psst. Listen.
You should reconsider
breaking out of this cooler
because this is the tip
of the iceberg.
- You made the right choice,
Brendar.
Don't even think about Evan.
Just put him out of your mind.
- It's not easy
with all this snow.
That little troll would love it
out here
on this freezing cold mountain.
Do you know what he would do?
- What?
Whoo-hoo!
-
- Wow, that was fun.
- Yeah.
We gotta go back for Evan.
- What about the Florffs?
- I have an idea.
- I was waiting
for the carriage
to take me to work.
The new powder had come in
and it was beautiful.
And I was staring at him
when out of nowhere
It startedstarted to rain.
- Go on, sir.
- Well, I just watched
as that beautiful powder
morphed into a river
of yellow.
- Can you point to the source
of that river?
- When a troll's gotta go,
a troll's gotta go.
- I think we've heard enough.
I'm ready to make a decision.
- Stop the proceedings!
- Grab your mittens
and hide your kittens.
- You came back!
- Of course.
I did not miss that.
I come bearing a gift
for the City of Florff.
- A new snowgre!
That's right.
Deep from the dark forest
of the Florff,
he's a lean, mean,
protecting machine.
You'll sleep well at night
knowing this guy's
got your back.
No snowgres were hurt
during this capture.
- Wow!
- I'm not sure if I'm ready
for a new pet.
- I just wanted
to replace Fluffy
and apologize to you
and this city
- Well accepted.
- I wanted to tell you
Evan would never
hurt any living thing.
He loves life so much,
he lets fleas bite him.
- They have to eat too.
- I'm trying to rescue
my brother, Kendar,
and I am so close
I can taste it,
but I can't finish it
without him.
- Really?
- Yeah.
You may not be strong,
but you give me strength.
And on days where I can't take
another step,
you're so playful,
I just wanna, you know--
but it makes me keep going.
I can't do this journey
without you.
Without any of you.
Aww.
- Please, Your Honor,
let me take
my friends down the mountain
before we get trapped here.
- That's a very moving story
of friendship.
I declare the troll guilty,
and he will stand
before the wheel of punishment!
- Oh, that's fair.
- Oh, come on!
- Well, this has snowballed
into a disaster.
- Having been found guilty,
we shall now spin
the wheel of punishment.
Bailiff.
- De-ice the courtroom,
shovel snow,
knock down the icicles,
unfreeze the toilets,
scrape the frost
off the windows.
- Yeah, those punishments
don't look so bad actually.
- Oh, yeah.
What's that tiny one
say, though?
- I don't know.
I can't read it.
But it'll never land
on that anyway.
- Yeah, like, the odds
of that happening
are a billion to one.
- Ooh, so close.
The wheel of punishment
has spoken.
You will be lowered
into a cauldron
of florffin dioxide,
where you'll be frozen
into a troll pop
for our Fluffy to enjoy.
- Does it really say all that
on there?
- And now observe.
We will use
dramatic courtroom antics
to demonstrate your icy fate.
- My favorite part.
- Oh, no!
Oh, Luteous III.
Oh, wait, that's not so bad.
It's just a little frosty.
Maybe I could still play it.
♪
No!
- That was cold.
- Linda, Michael, with me.
- No, you can't do this!
- I am General Skelly
Commander of the undead army,
and I will at last have
my revenge on you,
Barbarian.
Prepare to die.
- I'm sorry. Who are you again?
- Oh.
General Skelly,
commander of the undead army?
We met at the Goiter?
- Where's your army?
- They are right here--wha--
Linda! Michael!
- You know where I find
you're lacking
is right there on your tum-tum.
All right, pack it down.
- You look like you're covered
in sugar.
- So you're here for revenge?
- And for your boots.
- Oh.
Well, I don't think we're
the same size.
But I do remember kicking
your bony butt.
So I guess I'll have to kick
your bony butt again.
- Yeah, go, Brendar!
- You got this!
- Thrust!
♪
Ah!
-
- Hey!
- Oh, that's slippery.
-
- Order in the court!
Order! Order!
- Hang on.
- Order. Stop that!
- Wah!
-
- Yes. I win!
I will be rich.
I will be powerful.
- You will be
a snowgre's chew toy.
- No! Not the head!
- That's our Fluffy.
- He's back.
- Fluffy's back!
- His rage has returned!
- My head is not a chew toy.
- The troll is free to go!
- Thank you, Your Honor.
- You could have left
this whole time?
- Yeah.
- Ugh.
- All right, questers,
let's head out.
- Nice meeting you, Florffs.
Bye, Evan!
- Be careful where you go.
- I quite like
the cold weather.
- Oh, me too.
It warms me bones.
- Bye, snow. See you soon.
Aw, come on, Brendar,
you gotta admit,
snow's pretty great.
- It has its charms.
I'd come back.
- Not me.
I finally got the feeling
back in my talons.
-
- Stop! Wait a second!
We're going the wrong way.
- Horace.
- What--
Oh, never mind.
Keep on going straight.
- Why you have the map again,
I don't know.
- Not a good choice.
- Are you sure we haven't
been here before?