The Dress Up Gang (2019) s01e09 Episode Script

Hey, Cory.
What are you up to?
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Hey, Cory.
You know how there's been
a void in your life
ever since you finished
binge-watching "Lost"?
Yeah.
Well, do you think that
void's ever gonna get filled?
I don't know.
Watching those
six seasons of "Lost" was
Was the most
thrilling time of my life.
I was right there, trying
to figure out every puzzle,
every mystery.
And then the credits roll,
and you find yourself
sitting there thinking
What do I do now?
But
I'm sure something
will come along.
Did you watch
the bonus features?
I've watched them five times.
I wish there was something
I could do to help, Cor.
All right.
Well, good night, Cory.
Wonder who that could be.
Coming.
Hello?
Who was it?
No one.
What?
We just got ding dong ditched.
Hey, Kev.
Sorry to wake you.
Oh. Hey, Cor.
You didn't happen
to come over last night
around 11:00 p.m. to hang out,
ring the doorbell, and then
maybe change your mind
and leave, did you?
No. Why?
Well, we got
ding dong ditched last night.
Oh. Fuck.
Listen, since you're crashing
in your car, I thought maybe
tonight, if you wouldn't mind,
just keeping an eye out?
See if you see
anything suspicious?
I would, but I think I might
ask Carol to take me back.
Kev.
You think maybe
you're just saying that
'cause you're desperate
to find a place to live?
Yeah, you're right.
Okay. I'll keep a lookout.
A ding dong ditcher?
Cory, come on.
In this courtyard?
Your doorbell probably
just malfunctioned.
Yeah, I thought
the same thing.
I checked it this morning.
Doorbell works just fine.
Look, it could've been
a lot of things, you know?
Maybe you dreamt it?
A girthy spider could've
crawled across your doorbell?
Solar flare? Raccoon's tail?
- I got donged.
- Look.
Maybe you got donged,
maybe you didn't.
But unless you know for sure,
there's no reason to go around
getting everyone scared.
My mistress is staying
with me this week.
If she hears someone
got ding dong ditched,
she's gonna freak out.
You're probably right.
I'm sure it was nothing.
Ding dong ditched?
They didn't get you, did they?
No.
Well, I don't think so.
I sleep pretty deep.
I could've gotten donged
and I wouldn't know it.
Well, listen,
I don't wanna scare you.
I'm probably just making
something out of nothing.
And you know you have been
binge-watching "Lost,"
and those mystery shows
They'll make you look for
things that are just not there.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Did anyone else get hit?
Nope.
Nope, just us.
Do you think
it's gonna happen again?
No, I'm sure it's just
a onetime thing, pal.
I hope you're right.
This week of all weeks.
I got a package coming.
Omaha Steaks, about $500 worth.
I'm gonna have to open
the door and sign for them.
I can't be scared to do that.
No. I don't think
that'll be a problem, pal.
You know what kind of man
does a thing like that?
The kind of man who's got
something to hide.
Huh. Must be the pizza.
That was fast.
- That was so fast.
- I just called.
Hello?
Oh, my God.
Ordered a pizza.
When I opened the door,
there was no one there.
By the time the pizza did come,
I was too paranoid to answer.
Pizza guy left
it on the doorstep.
Raccoons got all up in it.
What kind of pizza was it?
Mushroom and olive.
Sorry, Christian.
And Rachel, was she
She got spooked.
Went to her parent's house
in Burbank.
Who would do something
like this?
Is there a chance
your wife's doing this
'cause she's mad
you're cheating on her?
Nope.
No, she's in Barbados.
It ain't right.
You know there's so much
promise in a doorbell?
Could be a friend
coming to hang out.
Could be the pizza guy,
coming with your
large mushroom and olive.
Hell
It could be a $500 order
of fancy-ass steaks you bought
after rolling your ankle
on the tennis court,
trying to reach
for a backhand slice
you shouldn't
have been reaching for.
To open up the door
with all that hope,
to find no one there
Well
It just ain't right.
It probably took me five or
six seconds to get to the door.
How far you think you could
run in five or six seconds?
With a healthy ankle,
I'd say 30 or 40 yards.
30 or 40 yards.
By the time I got there,
the ditcher could've been
a block, two blocks away.
Mm, it gives me
a little indigestion, Cor.
How so?
Well, if I'm the ditcher,
I don't wanna just run away.
I wanna watch.
Make somebody breakfast,
you kinda wanna
watch them eat it, don't you?
I'm not sure
about making breakfast,
but I see your point.
So, what do you think,
they hid somewhere?
What, behind a bush, under
the fountain, behind a tree?
Psst.
Hey, Kevin. How's it going?
Pretty good.
You must be hungry out here.
Why don't you come in
and have some lunch?
Yeah. Okay.
Come on.
Why'd you bring us down here,
Fox?
I got ding dong ditched
last night.
Jesus, you too?
Sorry, Fox.
I was hoping
it was just one of you guys
wanting to hang out, but
I answered the door.
Nothing.
Now, I was thinking.
Your place, Christian's
It's right out front.
Some punk passing through gets
squirrely, rings your bell.
That I can see, but
But my place?
I mean, it's hard to find.
It's not even a legal residence.
That's true.
Hell, even I forget
you're down here half the time.
So, whoever it is
must have intimate knowledge
of the courtyard.
It must be someone we know.
All right, Fox.
See you around.
By the way, Fox.
How do you get your mail if you
don't have a legal residence?
I don't need mail.
I know everything
I need to know.
Mmm. Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm.
So, how do you like the
cheddar bacon potato wedges?
Oh, Andie, this is excellent.
You really loaded
these puppies up.
Hey, I, um
I heard that Christian got
ding dong ditched last night.
Did you see anything?
No.
Then again, my windows
kind of get fogged up at night.
Jeez, Kevin.
I mean, aren't you afraid
out there all alone
with the ding dong ditcher
just running around?
You know
I don't know why I didn't
think about this before.
You can crash on my couch
for a while.
You know, I-I really worry
about you out there all alone.
Nah, you're just saying that.
You know, honestly,
I'm a little scared.
I'd feel safer.
- Okay.
- Great.
I am gonna make you
my famous linguini with clams.
Tell your folks I said hi.
I will.
Well, good night.
Good night.
Hey, Andie.
Thank you.
You're welcome, Kenny.
It's Kevin.
Attaboy.
- Mmm.
- So, how do you like
the cheddar bacon potato wedges?
You really loaded
these puppies up.
Andie!
We got ditched!
Well, well, well, well, well.
Look who's home.
Kevin! You're up!
Look, I'm gonna make you some
homemade sausage
and bacon burritos.
Homemade, huh?
Like your linguini with clams?
I know what you did.
You lured me into your house
so you can just dong my ass.
Oh, Kevin, please.
Let me explain.
I lured you here
because I need your help.
Every night,
before I go to sleep,
I have a glass of chardonnay
and I take a sleepy pill.
It's a funny little thing
I do to help me fall asleep.
And it's always worked perfect.
But recently,
I have been waking up
in the courtyard,
in random spots.
And at first
I was really confused,
but then I read this article
on Buzzfeeds.
And sleepy pills
can make you sleepwalk
and do silly things
that you don't remember.
- You know, like maybe
- Ding dong ditching.
Yes.
Stay with me tonight,
and see if I sleepwalk
and find out if I'm the ditcher.
Well,
if you really wanna find out,
stop taking chardonnay
and sleepy pills.
Kevin.
Have you ever
loved something so much
that you couldn't give it up?
I'll be on the lookout.
Great!
I'm gonna make you my special
southwestern eggrolls.
Hey, there you are.
What are you up to, sport?
Eh, just poking around.
I figured if the ditcher
was hiding somewhere,
maybe they
dropped something behind.
Aha.
Hey, listen.
Fox told us he got
ding dong ditched, right?
That's right.
Those exact words?
Ding dong?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
You stay here.
I'm gonna be right back.
Where you going?
I got a hunch.
Fox, just now when I
When I came to your door,
you knew I was there because
- 'cause I knocked, right?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
You see, the funny thing about
getting ding dong ditched
as you say you did
You gotta have a doorbell.
I say ding dong?
I obviously meant knock knocked.
I mean, sometimes you say
coke when you just mean soda.
Besides, I don't like
what you're insinuating.
Why would I ding you?
Maybe for the thrill of it?
Maybe because you're a handyman
who lives in a cramped boiler
room with the water heaters
while we all live up there
with nice apartments.
Maybe you resent us.
Resent you?
I love you guys.
Well
We love you too.
And I don't pay rent.
This this is a great deal
down here, Cory.
Hey, Cory?
You're gonna wanna see this.
I gotta go.
I'll show myself out.
Did you find something?
It's on the ground
towards the back.
I couldn't pick it up
with my crutches.
It's a Jamba Juice card.
Looks like your hunch
just bought us lunch.
So, I ran the numbers
on the card.
You're not gonna believe this.
Guess how much is on it?
138 smackers.
So, who do we know that would
know where Fox lives,
and has that kind
of razzmatazz money?
Cory, Donny!
- What a surprise.
- Got you a Jamba Juice.
Sweet!
Jamba Juice.
That's my favorite.
Come on in.
You say you enjoy Jamba Juice.
Enough to preload a gift card?
We found this where we suspected
the ditcher was hiding.
Does it ring a bell?
I don't think I like
what you're insinuating.
Why would I ding dong ditch you?
Oh, I don't know, I'm
thinking maybe for the thrill.
- What do you think, Donny?
- Oh
I would have to think so.
Then I'm thinking
that maybe you used to live
quite the luxurious
Hollywood lifestyle.
I'm thinking
champagne for breakfast.
I'm thinking
lobster for lunch.
I'm kinda thinking
breakfast for dinner.
I'm thinking that now you
live in a sleepy courtyard,
and maybe you're looking
for a thrill.
I think being a mother
of three is thrilling enough.
How about you, Cory?
How do you get your thrills?
Seems like you haven't
had much of a thrill
since you stopped
binge-watching "Lost."
Whoa, easy, MacDowell.
Why would I rile up
the whole courtyard?
I don't even pay rent here.
I just crash on his couch.
My living situation
is very precarious.
Why would I risk that?
Maybe you're trying
to fill a void.
Yeah.
Mushroom and olive pizza.
That's right.
And, uh, tell the delivery guy
not to ring the doorbell.
Just knock.
Mmm.
Kevin.
No matter what happens tonight,
I'm gonna make you breakfast
in the morning.
Mm.
Kevin's not in his car.
In fact, I haven't seen him
since the first ditching.
It's a little suspicious.
Kevin's not in his car.
Andie's a mother of three.
Christian
cheats on his wife.
I guess the question is
who likes Jamba Juice enough
to get a gift card?
You do.
You're always
sucking down a Razzmatazz.
You inhale it.
I've hardly
ever seen anything like it.
Yeah, I like Jamba Juice.
I love it.
But $138 on a gift card?
You know I don't have
that kind of money.
Yeah. Jesus, I'm sorry.
This ding dong ditching's
just got me all twisted up.
I got these fancy-ass steaks
coming and
I don't even know if it's okay
to answer the ding ding door.
I promise you.
We'll figure this out before
those Omaha Steaks come.
You're signing for that package.
Okay.
Good night, Cor.
You like your potato wedges,
Kenny?
I loaded them up.
I'm gonna make you
my linguini and clams.
These potato wedges
are psychotic.
Andie?
Andie!
Andie, get up. Andie.
What are you doing? Get up!
Kevin?
Did you just ding dong ditch me?
No matter
what happens tonight,
I'm gonna make you
breakfast in the morning.
Yeah.
It was me.
I'm the ditcher.
I'm the ditcher!
Fox, wake up.
What's going on?
It was Kevin.
Kevin?
Why'd you do it, Kevin?
Oh, well,
that's a good question.
You don't have
to say anything.
It's obvious.
You just got out
of a 19-year relationship.
Sleeping in his car.
Your soul
Was choked.
Every time you rang that bell,
you were screaming.
You wanted someone to answer,
but
You just didn't think
you had enough for us.
You are enough.
Next time you ring a bell,
you stand there.
You stand proud.
Whoever answers that door,
you tell them it's Kevin.
Yeah. You got it.
You guys probably
want me to go now, so
I'm just gonna sleep in my car.
Don't make him leave, Cory.
No, Kev!
You're not gonna stay
in your car tonight.
You can, uh,
Why don't you crash
with me in the boiler room?
I got room in there.
Yeah.
Ever sleep
with a water heater?
- No.
- It's dangerous.
I'm gonna call Rachel
and tell her
she can come back from Burbank.
We did it.
I know.
It's over.
I can't believe it was Kevin.
Yup.
It's over.
I can't believe it was Kevin.
I just did not predict that.
Yeah. It certainly was
an unexpected twist.
I'll get it.
Got some mail for you and
a package. I need a signature.
Hey, pal?
You got a package to sign for.
- Oh, sh
- Thank you.
- Oh, wow.
- Hey, how's it going?
- Is your finger working?
- Yeah.
- Sign there.
- All right.
- Thanks, have a good one.
- You too.
Hey, Cory. What do you say
to celebrate
I fire up the grill
and cook some of these steaks?
Hey, sounds good to me.
Guess how much is on it?
138 smackers.
So, who do we know that has
that kind of razzmatazz money?
Who would do
something like this?
It must be someone we know.
I got ding-dong ditched last night.
Sorry, Christian.
Sorry, Fox.
I can't believe it was Kevin.
You know how there's been
a void in your life
ever since you finished
binge-watching "Lost"?
Wish there was something
I could do to help.
I was right there, trying to
figure out every puzzle,
every mystery.
I got a hunch.
Yeah, I like Jamba Juice.
It's a Jamba Juice card.
Hey, Cory!
You're gonna wanna see this.
Was the most
thrilling time of my life.
Well, if I'm the ditcher,
I don't wanna just run away.
I wanna watch.
It was you.
You're the ditcher.
Ding dong.
Pretty thrilling, huh?