The Expanding Universe of Ashley Garcia (2020) s01e09 Episode Script

1
[strumming gently]
Ava ♪
My heart, I gave ya ♪
You returned it broken ♪
Like a ♪
Lousy next-door neighbor ♪
Oh, Ava ♪
This song ♪
Sucks ♪
[sighs] My heart breaks,
and all I get
is one decent song out of it?
[Ashley giggles]
Hey. How was the Fall Ball?
-[sighs] It was amazing.
-Well, you look like you had a good time.
Why did you have a good time?
This is one of the best nights of my life,
up there with getting my PhD
and starting my job at JPL
oh, and the day I babysat a pug.
[chuckles]
I'm glad you had fun with your friends.
[chuckles] Friends?
I mean, sure,
that's how we started the night,
but do friends slow-dance all night,
looking into each other's eyes and?
Never mind.
Come on, Ashley. You can tell me anything.
I'm not your parent; I'm the cool uncle.
I kissed Tad.
-La-la-la-la-la-la-la! ♪
-[groans]
I don't need to hear that.
-I thought we were cool. We're not.
-Yeah, as soon as I said it ugh.
I'm happy for you.
I'm
sorry Ava left for Antarctica.
How are you?
Eh, I'm doin' okay
considering
one of her carry-ons is my heart.
One of her carry-ons is my heart ♪
And I'm okay ♪
One of her carry-ons is my heart ♪
I'm so okay! ♪
That's more like it, Garcia. [laughs]
Yeah, that blows.
[theme music playing]
When I saw you last night
with Brooke at the dance,
you looked happy.
Well, it was the best dance of my life.
Come to think of it,
it was the only dance of my life.
First-dance friends! [giggles]
Everything worked out
the way it was supposed to.
[groans] Next screen, please.
I've clicked all the traffic lights.
I'm not a robot.
-Brooke, guess who kissed me?
-[gasps] Tad!
-[both squeal]
-[Brooke] Aw!
[sighs] It was amazing.
I'm going to ask him out today.
Wow. This has been your dream
since you first got here.
Can you write
"Brooke gets rich" on your bucket list?
Hey.
Ooh, Tad's here!
[scoffs] I mean, Tad's here.
Brooke?
Sorry,
I'm doing something really important.
Sure.
I've got some important cat videos
to catch up on myself.
Hey.
Sorry I stepped on your feet last night
when we were dancing.
The "Cha Cha Slide" is just
so fast.
All is forgiven, Tad,
if you go out on a date
with me this afternoon.
Aww.
No.
Oh I'm sorry.
I thought after last night
that you'd want to--
Yeah, I definitely want
to go out on a date with you.
-I definitely wanna go on a date with you.
-I just can't today, because of Bella.
Say what?
Before me and Bella broke up,
I promised I'd clean out her gutters.
Well, now, I have several more questions.
My dad owns Gutter Guys.
It's a rain-gutter cleaning company.
Bella booked me before we broke up.
She got the girlfriend discount,
which is free.
That's a good deal.
You're okay if I do this, right? I mean,
I'm a Gutter Guy,
and we have a motto:
"We never cancel."
Well, if it's a motto, sure.
Thanks.
And I think it's sweet
that you keep your promises.
I do keep my promises,
and not just because Bella can write
some brutal Yelp reviews.
She single-handedly
closed three Froyo shops.
Sorry I ignored you this morning.
Felt like old times.
I swear I wasn't being rude.
I was refreshing Ticketmaster like crazy
to get us these.
Front-row tickets
for Young Weasel tonight.
Young Weasel?
The international K-pop star sensation?
Is he playing at a super small venue?
Maybe a bookstore?
Nuh-uh. Staples Center.
Fifteen thousand screaming
and stomping fans.
Look, I know you were anxious
before the dance,
but I said you'd have a good time,
and you did, didn't you?
I did.
[Brooke] Like you'll have at this.
Even though you'll be crushed
against the stage,
feeling like you can't breathe
or move for four hours.
It's such an adrenaline rush.
Can't wait.
[breathing deeply]
Brooke thinks my anxiety's cured
because I had a good time
at the dance last night.
I knew I'd regret having fun.
I don't know what to do.
Hey, man, the Tadster's here to help,
but maybe don't breathe into the bag
my lunch is in?
If I go to that concert tonight,
I will totally freak out.
Oh, no.
Your relationship is too new
to survive a freak-out like that.
We were friends through grade school
before I saw you pass out
-and pee your pants at the aquarium.
-That shark came at me.
He was through glass, buddy.
You gotta find some way
to get out of going to that concert,
and you gotta get me a new lunch.
Brooke went through a lot of trouble
to get tickets to surprise me.
If my problems get in the way
of us having a good time,
she's not gonna want to date me.
This is the part where my friend says,
"Nah, man. What?"
Nah, man. What?
There has to be a way
to get out of going to that death concert
without ruining things with Brooke.
What you need is a really good excuse
to get out of going.
If you had that,
you wouldn't mess things up with Brooke.
Can't go to the concert tonight
because my toilet's clogged.
Clogged toilet? That sucks.
Oh! My dog's having his teeth pulled.
Dude, you're having a really bad day.
You're not getting what I'm doing. Oh, oh!
My great-grandma just died.
Bubbie? No.
I loved her brisket.
No, I'm coming up with excuses
to get out of going tonight.
[chuckles] Very good.
[engine starts]
Bubbie lives!
Hey. Thought you were going
to the movies with Tad.
We had to take a rain check.
He's cleaning Bella's gutters today.
Oh.
Say what?
Oh, no. Don't worry. It's not like that.
It was an arrangement they had
before they broke up.
So, you're cool with the guy you like
hanging out with his ex?
Totally. I trust him.
I don't have a seed of doubt,
not a single seed.
I'm like a GMO watermelon:
no seeds.
Well, that's inspiring,
considering pfft.
Considering what?
Well, that Tad and Bella break up
and get back together a lot.
I mean, the teachers make bets on it.
Which is wrong.
Ash, you okay?
Uh, yeah. [chuckles]
But maybe I should just swing by
Bella's house real quick
to make sure Tad has sunscreen.
[chuckles]
And the right sunscreen.
We've gotta start protecting our reefs.
Ash,
I think checking up on him is a bad idea.
If something's going on,
that's not how you wanna find out.
Not that anything is goin' on.
You know what?
I think you should just stay here.
You're right.
There's no reason to go over there.
Especially when I could just
hang out here and have
some of my tío's famous fideo,
which I'm hoping he'll make me.
It's famous? Really?
I know of it.
-Well, I'll go whip some up.
-[chuckles]
Ashley.
How did I not see this comin'?
I'm such a sucker for validation.
[sighs]
Hello?
Tad?
Ash?
What are you doing in Bella's backyard?
No one answered the front door,
but I just came by
to bring you some sunscreen.
Feels like a high UV index today.
You came all the way over here
to bring me sunscreen?
Unbelievable.
I'm with my ex-girlfriend,
and you're worried about my skin care?
You're the best.
Aw. I trust you 100 percent.
-I'm glad I swung by.
-Me too.
Bella only had self-tanner
and body glitter.
Thanks, Ashley.
Maybe we can hang later tonight.
I'd love to.
This is very thoughtful.
Ah. [grunts]
[groans] I'm good. I'm good.
I just need an eye towel.
[Bella] Yeah, Tad is here.
I knew he'd come over.
I know him better than anybody.
We always get back together.
The teachers make bets on it.
Tad only kissed Ashley
at that dance to make me jealous.
Hello? Can you hear me now?
I said
Tad only kissed Ashley to make me jealous.
[shouting]
I said it was to make me jealous!
Oh, my God, Fatima,
just go outside of the funeral!
Not a seed of doubt.
Maybe one seed.
[whispering] Ashley.
Ashley!
[Ashley] Up here.
What are you doing on the roof?
-The dog chased me up here.
-What dog?
-That dog.
-[barking]
[gasps]
[groans]
-Sh!
-[dog continues barking]
¡Perro del diablo!
Oh!
Hey! I'm so excited
for Young Weasel tonight.
I heard last night's show was so intense,
the whole crowd rushed the stage,
and ten people suffered minor injuries.
-[sighs]
-Cool.
Sadly, I'm
not going to be able to go
to the concert tonight.
-[chuckles]
-[Brooke] Oh.
I-I thought you were free.
I was, and I really want to go tonight,
but my toilet's clogged,
and I've gotta take care of that
now.
Oh.
-Okay.
-Great.
Bye.
But wait
shouldn't your parents be worrying
about clogged toilets?
To be fair, they didn't clog it.
Don't know who clogged it.
You don't know who clogged your toilet?
Also,
my dog needs to get his teeth pulled.
Tonight?
And you know my great-grandma Bubbie?
She's dead.
Stick, are you just making up
a bunch of excuses
to get out of going with me?
-Uh, why would you think that?
-[Brooke] I don't know.
Maybe because I saw Bubbie
jogging around the Jewish Center
an hour ago.
No, no, no. I really can't go
because of totally legitimate excuses.
You know what, Stick?
Why don't you just forget
I ever invited you?
But no.
My great-toilet's having her teeth pulled.
Is that so hard to understand?
He looks kind of cute from up here.
Hi, doggy.
[dog growling]
Look at him destroy that thing.
It's like abuela with a Christmas ham.
Look at that. He eats and falls asleep.
Again, just like abuela.
Okay, time to make our move.
[barking]
[barking stops abruptly]
[barking continues]
[barking stops abruptly]
[barking continues]
Did they train him to do this?
Hm. That gazebo is so familiar.
I'm having crazy déjà vu right now.
This yard,
that shed
I've been to this house before.
Why would I have been to this house?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
Do you know Bella's mom?
Hey, it was three years ago.
I didn't know it was Bella's mom.
I knew the lady
who owned this house very well
for one very beautiful evening.
Let me guess.
After that beautiful evening,
you never called her again?
I'm hurt you assumed
I was the one who never called.
I was.
[sighs] We really need to make sure
that I don't run into Bella's mom.
She thinks my name is Klaus,
I live in Düsseldorf,
and I own a chain of luxury hotels.
How'd you pull that off?
[in German accent] Very easily.
Hey, oodle-doodle.
It's so hot out.
Before you start cleaning,
-we should go for a swim.
-No, thanks.
I've got sunblock,
and I froze my underwear this morning,
so I'm pretty cool.
But you love hanging out in my pool.
Yeah, pools are the best,
but like my dad says,
"Gutters won't clean themselves
unless we build a robot to do it,
which means I'm out of a job.
Hey, who hid the TV remote?" [chuckles]
And I gotta hurry up,
so I can hang with Ash.
Cuddle puddle,
you know you'd rather be with me.
Why else would you be here?
Clean your gutters?
"'Cause gutters won't clean themselves.
-Unless we build--"
-Tad!
We both know
that the only reason you kissed Ashley
at that dance was to make me jealous.
-Just admit it already.
-[chuckles softly]
That's
not true.
The only reason I kissed Ashley
is 'cause I like her a lot,
and the only reason I came here
is 'cause I promised I'd help,
and I'm a man of my word.
I knew it.
You did?
Why are we here?
Fine.
Don't just stand there. Get to work.
-Fine, I'll start with the garage.
-Fine!
There's a hornet's nest up there,
and I'm not gonna tell you where it is.
Anastasia, come.
Anastasia, come!
I'm not embarrassed about any of this.
[gate closes]
See?
There's nothing to worry about
except getting stuck on this roof forever.
Or Tad seeing us.
Or running into Bella's mom.
Or being attacked by bees.
Like I said,
nothing to worry about.
Brooke, please, can we talk?
Shouldn't you be unclogging
your grandma's dead tooth?
What are these pictures?
This was from last summer
when I went to Soak City.
Unsupervised monsters, hopped up on sugar,
clawing at me in the lazy river.
You look so scared.
Not half as scared as these.
Me, on a packed subway car.
Me, at a Dodgers game.
What is all this?
I'm afraid of crowds.
I didn't wanna freak out at the concert
and have you see me like that.
Stick, everybody has things
that scare them.
I saw my dad in a kimono once,
and now I can't eat sushi.
You should've told me.
I thought you didn't wanna go
to the concert 'cause you were sick of me.
Are you kidding?
I could spend all day with you,
every waking minute,
and never get sick of you.
I could spend all day with you
and only get sick of you
once or twice. [chuckles]
I should've checked with you
before I bought the tickets.
I don't know that I totally understand
your anxiety,
but I'm gonna try to.
Thanks, Brooke.
But, can I ask you this?
Why do you have photos of you,
mid-freak-out?
Oh, Mama Goldstein's
a big-time scrapbooker.
She's got this whole album
called "Stick Gets Scared."
What's this one?
Oh, that's from the time
I got my head stuck in a banister.
She has another whole album called
"Stick Gets His Head Stuck in Things."
-Oh, my God. [chuckles]
-What?
I think I just suddenly understood
your whole childhood.
-Six years of therapy, and I still don't.
-[Brooke laughing]
Okay. The dog is gone.
We can get down.
The ladder is gone. We cannot.
This is all my fault.
Oh, I can get us down.
If we spread our arms and legs out
as much as possible,
it'll distribute the impact
through our bodies
and maximize our chance for survival.
Let me make sure I understand this.
Your idea to get us off the roof
is to jump off the roof?
It's physics.
But, yeah. Essentially yes.
-Do you have a better idea?
-I think so.
I'm gonna swing off that branch
and into those bushes.
What--? No, but I'm smaller.
I'll swing off the branch.
The statistical likelihood of injury
from my fall is far less
than for a man of your size.
A man of my size?
Excuse me?
I should do it.
You're only up here because of me.
Wait, we'll decide this fair and square.
-Pick a number, one through ten.
-Eight?
Nope.
[both scream, thud]
[Victor moans]
[Ashley groans]
Ashley? Coach?
[Victor grunts]
Caught you.
[panting] She told me
you were cleaning gutters again.
I don't want my quarterback
up on ladders during football season.
But it's my job.
Well then, do what you gotta do. See ya.
-[woman] Everything okay, Tad?
-[Tad] All good, Bella's mom!
[Ashley] Little help?
[grunts]
Were you guys spying on me?
[scoffs]
Yes.
Earlier, you said
you trusted me 100 percent.
You weren't telling me the truth?
I did trust you at first,
but, I mean, you and Bella
are always getting back together,
so maybe, I guess
I didn't trust you 100 percent.
Bella and I are totally over.
Hey, Ashley, you taught me
something I will never forget.
You said lying in relationships is
is really import--
really bad
for shoulders or something.
Okay, those weren't the exact words,
but the idea is right.
You taught me that honesty
in relationships is important.
I don't want us to end up
like me and Bella.
From now on,
I want you to be able to tell me anything,
and I will tell you anything.
I want that too.
I was looking forward to spending time
with you today,
and I was a little disappointed
when you had to work.
We can still fix that.
You know what'd be a really fun date?
Helping me clean these gutters.
You know what?
I don't want to.
At all. [chuckles]
Wow,  being honest is great.
I-I can't find my shovel.
Will you come with me to Home Depot?
I'd be honored to.
This doesn't count as a date.
Of course this isn't a date.
I didn't do my hair.
[Anastasia barking]
Great, I live here now.
[continues barking]
Oh!
Hey
you
beauty.
This must be weird, seeing me
sneak out of your shed
after all this time.
I know I owe you an explanation
and an apology.
Don't worry,
your niece apologized for everything.
Um, everything?
Yeah. The spying,
the sneaking on my roof my ficus.
Well, there is one more thing
I need to apologize for.
I'm sorry I ghosted you.
-Excuse me?
-[Victor] I was a different man back then.
My name is not even Klaus.
I don't live in Düsseldorf,
and I only own one hotel.
[grunts]
Wait I own zero hotels.
Man, love has changed me.
Anyway, my nights of unbridled,
casual romances have come to an end.
And please don't take this personally,
but you look even better now
than when we met a few years ago.
I'm glad to hear
that you've changed your ways,
but we definitely did not have
an unbridled, casual romance.
I get it.
You're Bella's mom,
I'm Bella's ex-boyfriend's football coach.
So, if it's easier for you
[whispers] we never met.
No, we genuinely
[whispers] have never met.
My wife and I moved into this house
two years ago
after my mom,
who lived here before that, passed away.
So, a couple of years ago,
your mom—
rest her soul—
lived here?
So, I knew Bella's grandma?
[sighs]
May I ask how she passed?
Old age.
[clears throat]
I did not know your mom very well,
but she was
a hot lady.
-Please, get off my property.
-Right.
-[K-pop music playing]
-[fans cheering]
-I'm having the best time.
-Me too. He's so good.
Turn it down! This is a coffee shop,
not some Denmark coffee shop.
Sorry, Mr. Lustgarten.
Colonel Lustgarten.
Thanks for this, and being so supportive.
You're welcome.
-Gotta go.
-The concert's not over.
-Where are you going?
-To the show.
If I hurry, I can make the encores.
I can't let two front-row tickets
go totally to waste.
Have fun. Wait!
Me, at Times Square.
It's like I'll be right there with you.
Don't get trampled.
-Oh. I forgot something.
-What?
-[strumming]
-One of her carry-ons is my heart ♪
I'm so okay ♪
What do you think?
[sighs] You're so hard to read.
I made my own color of paint.
It's called "Ashley's Trust."
It's just blue.
So, how'd things go with Tad?
They went well.
We agreed to be completely honest
from now on.
[Victor] That's great.
When two people can be honest,
there's nothing more beautiful.
So, did you get a chance to apologize
to the woman you ghosted?
Well technically, she ghosted me.
Little too late to apologize.
-[sighs]
-It's never too late.
Trust me, it is.
[theme music playing]