The Flintstones (1960) s01e09 Episode Script

There's the bell.
That's the old footwork, Barney.
Barney hasn't hit him yet.
Barney couldn't hit the floor with his hat.
- How am I doing, pal? - Great, pal.
Just great.
- Fred? Oh, Fred? - Yeah, Wilma.
Have you seen the newspaper? I'm reading it.
- Can I have a piece of it, please? - Okay.
Just a minute.
Here.
Now don't get it all mixed up.
I haven't read that section yet.
- Thanks, Fred.
- You're welcome.
- Hey, Fred.
- Barney.
Come on in, pal.
No.
You come out, Fred.
I want you to do me a favor.
All right.
I'll be right out.
Favors.
That's all that Barney wants.
What a neighbor.
Before you even ask, I'm telling you I'm broke.
That I know, Fred.
But can you keep a secret? Secret? What secret? You know how Betty keeps harping about how I never bought her an engagement ring before we was married? Yeah, I should know.
Wilma gives me the same routine.
I've got a surprise for Betty.
Get a load of this.
Wow! What a sparkler! How did you get it, Barney? A down payment at the Buddy Buddy Credit Jewelers.
How else? Four hundred and twenty easy payments and it's mine.
That's great.
Just great.
When are you gonna spring the big surprise on Betty? I don't want to give it to her till Saturday.
So do me a favor, will you, pal? You keep it in your house till then and that way Betty won't accidentally find it - and spoil my surprise.
- Okay, Barney-boy.
- What a shiny rock! - But be careful with it, Fred.
Don't worry, Barney.
It'll be safe with old Fred.
Thanks a lot, pal.
That Fred.
He's one of the good ones.
Now let's see.
Where will I hide the ring so Wilma won't find it and blab to Betty? Wait a minute.
That's it.
I'll hide it in the flour.
With all these new frozen pies, Wilma never does any baking anymore.
That'll do it.
Fred.
Hiya, Wilma.
What in the world are you doing up on that chair? What do you think I'd be doing up on a chair? - I saw a mouse.
That's what.
- Okay.
You're in one of your mysterious moods today.
Have fun.
That's the old fast thinking.
Freddie-boy, the quick ad-lib artist.
Yes, sir.
What's that sound? I haven't heard that for years.
Oh, yeah, the egg beater.
Wilma must be making a cake.
A cake! The ring! Hold it! What do you think you're doing? I think I'm making a cake for my loudmouth husband who is acting like he flipped his lid today.
I don't want a cake, Wilma.
It's too Go ahead, Fred.
Say it.
I dare you.
Okay.
It's too fattening.
I've got to watch my weight, don't I? That ought to be easy.
There's so much to watch.
Droll.
Very droll.
You made a real funny.
Now what's he up to? Fred, why did you take the flour into the bedroom? - Fred, come out of there.
- You called, Wilma? What's the matter with you? Have you lost your mind? Go take a shower and let the cold water run on your head.
The ring wasn't in the flour canister, so it's got to be in the batter.
Fred! What are you peeking around corners for? I didn't want to startle you.
I was going to run over and borrow an egg from Betty but I don't know if I should leave you alone.
What do you mean? I'm all right.
Go ahead.
Okay.
But I'll be right back.
She's gone.
Now's my chance to get that ring.
Fred, when are you going to grow up? Get your hand out of that batter and help me with this dodo egg.
Imagine.
Eating cake batter.
Why, you can't even wait until I bake the cake you don't want.
There.
Finally in the oven.
Now, Fred, you stay away from this oven.
- Lf you open it, the cake will fall.
- All right.
Fred's in an odd mood today.
I'd better leave him alone for a while.
I'd better not.
I'll get the ring out of the cake after it's baked.
I'll go ahead and read a book, get it off my mind.
"And the big bad saber-toothed tiger asked Little Red Riding Hood "what she had in the basket.
"She opened the basket and said, 'I'm going to give Grandma this nice cake.
" Cake? That did it.
Now it's on my mind again.
I bet I could get that ring out without Wilma knowing it.
I did it.
Fred, I asked you not to open that oven door.
I said, "Fred, don't open that oven door.
" But, no.
Nosey has to open the oven door and see what's inside.
So that will be the last cake I ever baked for you.
You want me to take the garbage can out? No.
I'll do it myself.
- I'll get the ring out of the can later.
- That was lucky.
- The garbage truck was just passing by.
- The garbage truck! Oh, no! This is a stickup.
Raise your hands and don't turn around.
Okay, I've got what I want.
Put your hands down and just keep moving.
I just don't get it.
What kind of a screwball would hijack a garbage truck? It wasn't easy but I got it.
Now to make sure that won't happen again.
Let's see.
I'll try the closet this time.
That's it.
The bowling ball.
I'll hide the ring in the finger hole.
She'll never find it in this old bowling ball.
Now I'll tell Barney it's hidden in a safe place.
Barney! Why is it men refuse to close doors? Even the closet door is open.
There.
That old bowling ball.
I'll put that in a safe place.
I'll bury it in the yard.
No! It's a diamond ring.
No wonder Fred was acting so mysterious today.
Bless his little fat heart.
I don't want to spoil Fred's surprise.
But I've just got to show this to Betty before I put it back.
Wilma, it's simply gorgeous.
I wish I could get Barney to get me one.
But he's so - Conservative? - No.
- Frugal? - No.
Cautious? No, but when you get to "stingy" slow down, you'll be getting warm.
I bet if you hinted to Barney, he'd get you one.
That's how I got this.
I hinted for 10 years.
But it paid off.
Well, maybe if I hint twice as hard, it'll only take me five years.
I know this sounds nutty but I've got to get back and put my ring back in the bowling ball.
Bye, Wilma.
You lucky girl.
That's right, Barney.
When I make a promise, I keep it.
I've got that ring hidden where no one can find it.
You're a real pal, Freddie-boy.
- And real lucky too.
- Lucky nothing.
That's the way I played it.
I have to get home now, Barney.
Wilma was pretty sore when I left.
- I'll see you later, pal.
- So long, Fred.
Wilma, honey.
May I come in? Darling, you're home at last.
You lie down and rest while I fix you a few dinosaur steak sandwiches.
My mother was wrong, Fred.
You are a swell guy.
I'll be right back with the food, Jack.
She's flipped.
I've gone too far.
Fred, look.
Strike.
Get it? It's all my fault.
I've been a bad husband.
Strike? Yeah, I get it.
- Don't tell me you found the ring.
- Yes, Fred.
And it's the sweetest thing you ever did.
- But, Wilma, you don't understand.
- Yes, I do, Fred.
- No.
- I know how you must have scrimped and saved for 10 years to get me this ring.
And to think you love me that much just chokes me up.
When Barney finds out, I'm the one that's gonna get all choked up.
- Look, Fred.
Isn't it lovely? - Yeah.
Wear it in good health.
Hey, Barney! - Is that you, Fred? - Yeah.
Come on up here, I've got something to tell you.
Be right with you, good old frugal Fred.
What's on your mind, pal? Barney, would you do me a favor? You just name it, pal.
Just name it.
Will you forget about the ring for Betty? I just gave it to Wilma.
You're a card, Fred.
"Forget about the ring, I just gave it to Wilma.
" Hilarious.
I'm not kidding.
I mean it.
Before you lose your temper, let me explain.
And that's the whole story, Barney.
- I don't know what to do.
- Cheer up, Fred.
The solution is very simple.
We'll go to the Buddy Buddy Jewelers and buy another ring for Betty, which you will pay for.
Right, pal.
And I'm only too glad to help you out.
I'll be right with you gentlemen as soon as I finish with that customer over there.
Sure, take your time.
598, 599, 600.
Congratulations.
With the 600th monthly payment the pop-up toaster is yours.
Thanks.
- May I have my collateral back now? - Certainly.
Bring Mr.
Slate's collateral.
He just made his final payment.
- There you are, Mr.
Slate.
- Hi, children.
- Who's that man, sis? - Why, I think it's Daddy.
Let's go home, children.
Mama will make some nice pop-up toast for you.
Now, what can I do for you gentlemen? We are interested in a diamond ring.
- Who isn't? - A diamond engagement ring.
- For your girl? - No, for my wife.
An engagement ring for your wife? At least it's a step in the right direction.
Next thing you know, you'll want a wedding ring.
Now you cut that out.
Fred and Wilma have been married for years.
And you keep out of this, shorty.
You've got enough to worry about with your big fat payment book.
Were you going to pay cash or credit? - Credit.
- Okay.
I'll have to check your credit rating.
What's your name? Fred F.
Flintstone.
I have a Fred Flintstone, got anything on him? No kidding.
He tried what? No.
Blackball? Nothing over the price of a postage stamp? Got you.
Thanks.
Out! And don't come back unless you've got cash.
- What'll we do, Fred? - I don't know, Barney.
But it all boils down to its simplest form.
Yeah.
Somehow we've got to get some cash.
Barney, look at that sign.
- So what, Fred? - Don't you get it? It's our big chance to make $500.
No matter how much we need the money, I refuse to let you fight the Champ.
Not me.
You.
Okay, I refuse to let me fight the Champ.
You don't have to fight him, it says stay with him.
Speed will do it.
And you're fast on your feet.
Come on, Barney, say you'll fight him.
I promise you he won't lay a glove on you.
Okay.
Pick out a good ring, wise guy, we'll be back with the cash after Barney fights the Champ tonight.
If I was as fast with my head as I am with my feet I could think my way out of this.
- Hello, girls.
- Hello, Edna.
- How's the baby? - He's fine, Betty.
By the way, aren't you the lucky one? What do you mean? I mean the diamond ring Barney bought you.
You must be mistaken, Edna.
Fred bought a ring for Wilma.
My dear, I'm not mistaken.
I was in the store when Barney bought you a ring.
You mean Fred bought me a ring.
No.
You girls seem to be a little confused.
I suggest you check with the Buddy Buddy Credit Jewelers.
Here's the place, Betty.
We'll get to the bottom of this.
All I know is these two gentlemen came in to buy a ring.
They needed cash, so the little fellow is going to fight the Champ tonight to pay for the ring.
Did you ever hear of anything so dumb? I think it's the nicest, sweetest thing I've ever heard.
Me, too.
You mean man, you.
Wilma, the Champ will kill my Barney.
Maybe if I paid him not to hurt Barney.
I have some money saved up.
I have some, too, and you're welcome to it.
I read somewhere that the Champ is all heart.
I'm sure he'll understand.
Now let me see if I've got this straight.
You dames want to give me $500 to let this Barney guy stay three minutes with the Champ.
Right? That's right.
Den I mean then you pay Barney the $500.
And you won't be out a cent, because it's our money you'll be giving him.
This may sound crass, girls, but what's in it for me and the Champ? You'll be doing a good deed.
- And you'll feel better for it.
- Okay, so I feel better.
But what are you dames doing it for? We dames are doing it for love.
Why didn't you say so? Give me the money.
I'll do anything for love.
Love of money, that is.
Thank you very much, sir.
You're a dear.
Farewell, girls.
Vivian Lamore.
That's French.
- Hey, Champ.
- Yeah, boss.
This Barney guy, tonight.
The first punch.
Get it? Got you, boss.
It's almost time for them to be leaving.
Remember now, play it straight.
What excuse do you think they'll use to get out? Fred always uses the sick-friend-in-the-hospital routine.
Wilma, I'll bet you a nickel they use Barney's story about the brakes giving out on the car.
- You set, pal? - Yeah.
I guess we'd better get started.
Boy, were you lucky, Barney.
You could've got killed.
You said it, Fred, I've just got to get those brakes fixed.
- Will you come with me, Fred? - Why, sure.
And on the way back, we can stop off at the hospital and see how poor old Bill is coming along.
Say, girls.
Go ahead, Barney, get those brakes fixed.
And say hello to poor old Bill, Fred.
It's a shame to fool the girls with that old line.
It beats me how they always fall for it, though.
How about that.
They used both stories.
- They wanted to make sure they'd get out.
- And we'd better get started too.
I want to see Barney win the $500.
Come on, Barney.
Be a good guy.
- No.
- You said you'd do it.
- But - What's the matter? You turning chicken? You're not kidding.
And now, ladies and gents the special attraction of the evening introducing at 265 pounds and wearing leopard trunks, the Champ.
And in this corner Hey, where's the challenger? Here he is.
We're ready.
Doesn't Barney look terrific, Wilma? He looks sort of green to me, Betty.
- It must be the spotlights.
- I guess so, only they're white.
- How are you feeling, Barney? - I'm kind of worried.
There's nothing to worry about, I'm right behind you.
That's my biggest worry.
I'd dread this if I didn't know the fight was fixed so Barney'd win.
There's the bell.
That's the old footwork, Barney.
- Barney hasn't hit him yet.
- Barney couldn't hit the floor with his hat.
- How am I doing, pal? - Great, pal.
Just great.
I'll give him the good old double-knuckle punch.
We've been double-crossed.
Snap out of it, Barney.
Come on, say something to me, pal.
It's all right.
It's all right.
Just a minute, you big bully.
You and your manager stole our money.
It's the churchy lafem.
I'll teach you to pick on defenseless women.
What a wallop.
Just a minute, buster.
There's a little matter of my $500.
Betty, look.
I just won $500 for knocking out the Champ.
And I've got my $500 from his manager.
Gosh, Betty, we can't let the boys know about this.
Oh, no.
That would spoil everything.
I have an idea.
If the manager will help us out.
Sure, lady.
Anything you say.
Anything.
I'm sorry, Fred.
I guess I let you down.
No, you didn't, Barney.
I'm proud of you.
You did all right.
I've been looking for you guys.
You won the $500.
- We won? - Yeah.
When we checked the time, we found out you stayed the full three minutes so the money is yours.
Barney-boy, did you hear that? We won.
Buddy Buddy Credit Jewelers, here we come.
Here they are.
Remember, act surprised.
We better put our overshoes on.
We're in for a big snow job.
Girls.
Hail the conquering hero.
- Conquering hero? - What happened? Your husband just stayed three minutes with the Champ and won $500.
I was just lucky.
My footwork must have dazzled him.
Lucky for Betty, you mean.
Because Barney has just bought you a present.
A present? For little old me? - Show her, sport.
- Sweetie, this is for you.
- A diamond engagement ring.
- Just like mine.
Barney, what a wonderful surprise.
Fred, you guys are pretty swell.
You girls deserve it.
You know the old saying, Wilma.
"A husband is a girl's best friend.
" Come on, Wilma, open the door!