The Guardian (2001) s01e09 Episode Script
The Funnies
[Children chattering and laughing.]
May I help you? UhYeah.
Ma'am, I'm Jake straka.
I'm an attorney for allegheny game & toy.
We got your letter asking us to paint it over.
Good.
Because my client is pretty fanatical about bunny-buddy.
Forget about it.
Excuse me? No.
We're not gonna do it.
This is a letter of demand.
If you ignore it, we're gonna have to take you to court.
It's a nice mural.
Excuse me.
Alvin, there's a family in my office.
They were removed from their apartment this morning.
You're representing them in an eviction hearing.
What are these? We're drowning in them.
Erik Nilsson.
Yes.
Are you my lawyer? Nick fallin.
Why are you being evicted? The landlord claims I'm running a business out of the apartment.
Are you? No.
It's a hobby-- a photocopied newsletter.
You want to know the real reason I'm being evicted? Sure.
Herschel matlin thinks he can get an extra 50 a month on my unit.
You know how those people are.
Those people? Landlords.
Morning.
Barbara, what's the matter? My son Russell was arrested last night.
Alvin: What happened? He was out with a friend, driving my car.
They were pulled over.
His friend ran away from the cops, and they searched his car, and they found drugs.
Ok, listen to me, Barbara.
You get yourself the best lawyer you can afford and do everything he says.
I can't afford a lawyer, Nick.
What you do now is gonna make a huge difference for the rest of your son's life.
Don't you think I know that? Nick.
No.
I've never done a drug case.
But you've been there.
I've been there.
Yes, I've been there.
I've been there as a defendant.
So what, Nick? Because you're not the top expert in the Western world, you're just gonna blow me off? I'm not--I didn't say that, Barbara.
So help me, then.
The best thing I can do is to give you a list of names of the top drug lawyers.
Nick, I'm not rich, and the only connection I have is you.
Ok.
I'll do what I can, but the next 30 hours for me are brutal.
I am in the middle of a huge closing at my father's firm, and on top of that, you just gave me 5 of these eviction cases.
Give 'em to me.
I'll credit the hours toward your community service.
At least you can help the public defender.
I'll do what I can.
I am sentencing you to 1,500 hours of community service, using your skills as a corporate attorney to work as a child advocate.
[Chatter.]
James, how's your day look? I've got 8 tenants scheduled for eviction hearings in one day.
That's got to be some kind of record.
Fallin's tied up.
That left me with 5 more tenant cases to assign.
Don't look at me that way.
Now, that's a record.
Nick: Well, yeah.
[Burton, indistinct.]
Mr.
Pierce, we didn't expect to see you today.
I want to know why this closing's been delayed again.
Oh, that's a pretty complicated deal.
Yeah? What's so complicated? We're talking toyshere.
It's a $2 billion corporation, and they're Japanese.
What are they buying, really? Trademarks.
$700 million worth of trademarks.
You knew that going in.
Mr.
Pierce, no disrespect, but your company's record-keeping stinks.
Every single trademark has been an ordeal.
What's that mean? Well, freak-pile and pink pony canyon never got their trademark in Europe.
Chess-kers, bug-eatin' maniac, and son-of-a-bug have no clear chain-of-title.
Then there's dart-head.
Wait, wait.
Forget about dart-head.
All the Japanese care about is bunny-buddy.
Bunny-buddy has the biggest problems of all.
What kind of problems? Your company bought bunny-buddy from a local toymaker back in 1971.
Fulton trout.
We paid 40,000 a year, which then was a heck of a lot of money for a toy, and it was the best money we ever spent.
Mr.
trout's contract gives him approval over subsequent third-party sales.
He's withholding his approval.
This one guy has the power to spike the whole multimillion-dollar merger.
The Japanese say if we don't close within 48 hours, they're gonna walk.
We have that covered.
We have a meeting scheduled with trout this afternoon at 2:00.
Sister Anne: Our school has spent the better part of 2 months painting that mural, and then these lawyers hand us a letter demanding that we paint it over.
Alvin: Did you try asking for permission? I had my kids write to the creator.
No.
Not the creator.
Fulton trout, the guy who invented bunny-buddy.
He said he can't help us.
Do we really have to paint it over? These corporations have unlimited resources.
Alvin, this isn't like you.
I've seen you go to the mat in children's court.
Those were custody hearings, sister.
This is a painting of a rabbit.
A dozen second-graders worked all summer and fall on this.
Ok.
Ok, I'll talk to the lawyers.
Who are they? You know them? Oh, yeah.
I know them.
Barbara: Nick! Nick! Barbara, talk to me while I walk.
This defender Russ drew-- I have my doubts.
Who is it? Matt pushkin.
[Sucks in breath.]
What, what, what? He's not good? Pushover pushkin.
Well, he's a nice guy.
Do you have any family that can pitch in to get you a lawyer? I'm raising Russell by myself.
That's the family.
What about his father? He's broke.
Mt.
Aire plastics laid him off in June.
Who's prosecuting? Herb connelly.
[Sighs.]
Nick.
Nick, tell me the truth.
Herb connelly--connelly has political ambitions.
He approaches each drug prosecution from the point of view of how it looks on his campaign flier.
He had my case.
Yeah, but you got off with community service, right? Political ambitions cut both ways.
Barbara, I'm Burton fallin's son.
Nick, he's downstairs, in lockup.
Talk to Russell, tell him what to do.
It'll take you 10 minutes.
Ok.
Ok.
Great.
They weren't my drugs.
They were in your car.
Somebody--I don't know who--put them there.
That's what happened.
This lawyer says if I name names, I might get a shorter sentence.
Maybe avoid jail time altogether.
Pushkin's right.
You turn over anyone you can.
See, Russell? It's not worth going to jail over.
Please.
I have to go.
Are they gonna let me out, mom? No matter what happens, I love you, Russ.
[Sniffles.]
Are they, mom? I don't know.
Mom, I love you.
Russell's protecting one of his friends.
He has no friends now.
Russell was driving.
The drugs were found in his car.
Unless he has a convincing story as to how they got there, he's guilty.
Barbara, my God.
I was in altoona, interviewing for a refinery job when I got your message.
Web hall, this is Nicholas fallin.
Hi.
Hi.
I really do have to go someplace, so-- web is Russell's father.
I'll call you later.
Ok? Ok.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah.
[Sighs.]
All right.
Now, how's Russell? He's ok, but he won't tell the police anything.
If he did? They'd lighten up on him, I'm sure, but for now, he won't tell them who was in the car with him or where he got the drugs.
Barry cook.
What? Barry cook was at the house before I went for the interview.
That football kid? Yeah.
Where are you going? [Sighs.]
Go see your son.
I'm going to talk with Barry's mother.
Barbara: Web? Uh, yeah? Did you get the job? No.
240 applicants for 9 positions.
I'm sorry.
Amanda, I need you to do 3 things-- call allegheny toy & game.
Tell them that I--Amanda? Amanda.
Amanda, can you hear me? What are you doing? I won't get my car back from impound until Thursday.
I'm only going half a mile.
They used to be best friends.
Then Barry kind of blew Russ off after he became this big football star.
I could cream him.
I'll try to be quick.
Can you wait? No.
I'm gonna come with you.
I gotta make a phone call.
Ok.
[Car alarm beeps.]
[Smoke detector beeping.]
[Buzzer.]
Barbara: Hello? My God! Nick! He's not breathing.
Call 911! P.
A.
: Dr.
Levy, O.
R.
2, Dr.
Levy Officer bacharach, this is Nick fallin, probation number I'm leaving this message because Today I was with an associate, and we found a boy who had overdosed on drugs.
I, um, I just wanted you to hear it from me first.
They want me to stick around and answer some questions.
Oh, God.
Do you know that if you had been across town sweet-talking that bunny-buddy man like you were supposed to that none of this would have happened? Yes, I know that.
Nicholas, I gotta have somebody I can depend on.
If fulton trout balks, we are dead in the water.
Now I gotta make Jake key man on bunny-buddy.
Oh, uh, when you're done here, drop by the office and help Amanda with those closing documents.
Ok? Yeah.
P.
A.
: Nurse Morgan, call the page operator.
Nurse Morgan, call the page operator, please.
Barry cook was admitted at 10:51 A.
M.
Suffering respiratory difficulties due to the ingestion of an unknown substance.
Unknown? It looks like badly made methamphetamine.
Nick: How is he now? Comatose and breathing with assistance.
What's this going to mean for Russell? Well, you know, it can't be good.
Barbara, I think it's time you got yourself a good lawyer.
I told you, there's no money.
Well, web seemed to be doing ok.
He's been out of work since June.
He'd pay if he could, and when he's working, he sends me a check every month.
Alimony? No, no.
We've never married.
It's for Russ.
Do you think he could borrow money? He's tapped, Nick, and there's no trust fund, either.
P.
A.
: Dr.
Pearson, 3578.
Nilsson v.
Matlin.
Judge: This complaint alleges that Mr.
Nilsson is running a business out of his apartment.
Who represents the tenant? I do, your honor.
You? You represent Nilsson? Why? Nicholas fallin is my lawyer.
Mr.
fallin is unavailable.
He asked me to stand in.
No.
No.
I want fallin.
And I want to be Looks like it's Mr.
mooney or you get no lawyer at all.
Ok, I guess, your honor.
Let us continue.
Is he running a business out of his apartment? Mr.
Nilsson publishes a photocopied magazine.
Is that right? Judge: Does he have any employees? No.
Does he make a profit? No.
It's done for pleasure-- a hobby, like sharing recipes.
And he's been current on his rent since 1994.
Your honor, he's not telling you the whole story.
Do you have an attorney, Mr.
matlin? No, your honor.
I'm representing myself.
Then I'll tell you, this is your chance to rebut.
Have you seen any employees in his apartment? No.
No employees.
Then why do you say it's a business? Well, he's got the magazine.
It's not for profit.
Have you seen it? This! This is his magazine.
Is that what you're publishing, Mr.
Nilsson? Yeah.
Uh, that would be it.
The content is immaterial.
The landlord alleged he ran a business.
We've disproved that allegation.
So kick him out anyway.
He's not printing recipes in that.
But it's not a business.
Order to vacate is denied.
Next case.
Oh, jeez, I'm sorry.
Did I startle you, fallin, or was that just one of those drug flashbacks? You know, I have been racking my brain trying to imagine how on earth it was you that found Barry cook.
I was giving a friend a ride.
Barbara ludzinski, whose son was arrested for drugs yesterday.
We work together at legal services of Pittsburgh.
No, she--she works there.
You go there to dodge prison time.
Why don't you go talk to my probation officer? Calm down.
What is your problem? Excuse me? I'm here with a clear conscience, helping out a friend, and you're making insinuations against my character.
If you'd like to take a shot at me, Mr.
connelly, then step up and take your shot.
You seem awfully cranked up today.
You don't have anything on me because I haven't done anything.
Right over here, sir.
Mr.
connelly? How are you, sir? Get a picture? Great.
That's great.
Thank you, sir.
Thanks a lot.
I don't think I'm your best asset at this point, Barbara.
Why? Who was that? That was your son's prosecutor.
That was herb connelly.
[Knock on door.]
Your defendant Nilsson called.
They're trying to evict him again, this time on an emergency basis, citing health and safety violations.
[Sighs.]
I'm on it.
Uh, James You think this is the first chucklehead I've represented? No, of course not.
At least once a week, I get a client who walks in and says, "you know, I was wondering if it might be possible to maybe speak to one of the other lawyers?" This is nothing new.
It's your decision-- keep him or hand him off.
I started the case, I'll finish the case.
Fulton: You'd think because I created bunny-buddy, children would like me, but they don't, even in my hometown.
Last summer, some second-graders learned that bunny-buddy was born right here in Pittsburgh.
Well, this excited them so much that they gave up their Saturdays to paint a bunny-buddy mural right next to their playground.
You see, these aren't rich kids who spend their vacations at seven Springs.
These are inner-city kids.
Yeah? And you--your company threatened them with a lawsuit unless they destroyed their mural.
Gentlemen, this is not the spirit of bunny-buddy.
We just want every bunny-buddy to have the allegheny stamp of quality.
Fulton: No! No.
You are greedy control freaks, and every time you do something ugly, children blame me.
They write me letters.
Here.
Ah! They're like this one here.
"Dear Mr.
trout, "it's just a bunny picture.
Why do you hate us? Love, arika h.
" There.
There.
There.
There.
This is what children think of me.
Sir, I understand that you don't like allegheny game & toy company.
To tell you the truth, I don't like 'em much, either.
But this is your chance to wash your hands of them forever.
Just give them permission to sell bunny-buddy.
Who Who wants to buy him? Golden funcorp, a Japanese toy company.
Which toys? Kitten Katy, noble robot, cha cha choo choo, among many others.
Kitten Katy is an insipid affront to anyone who loves toys.
And noble robot? That isn't even a toy.
It's a weapon with a face.
No.
Burton: They will kick in a handsome bonus.
No! No, no, no.
Mr.
Masterson, Jake straka.
How you doin'? Thanks for coming.
Sister Anne.
Come on this way.
Fight the power, Alvin.
Could I get you anything? No, thank you.
Sister Anne: No, thank you.
As you know, St.
angelica's is one of Pittsburgh's oldest parochial institutions.
It's a building block of the community.
Sure, but my client takes misappropriation of the bunny-buddy trademark very seriously.
We're not commercially exploiting him.
Really, this is a testament to the children's love for bunny-buddy.
Intellectual property is the same as any other kind of property.
They see it like, um You build a house on their land, and they'll sue you unless you tear it down.
I dare you.
What? If you people sue my school, I will drag your name through a public relations nightmare like you have never seen.
I have friends on channel 9.
Let me, uh, let me show you something.
This is allegheny's play book.
It's called bunny-buddy and the law.
They actually give this to all their lawyers? They spend millions a year protecting bunny-buddy's honor.
Fighting little parochial schools? Appendix b is a list of all the schools and hospitals that have lost to them in court.
All right.
Uh, we'll let you know how we plan to fight this.
We await your response.
Fallin.
So this was the big closing, huh? Toys.
Yes.
Can you help sister Anne? She wants to keep her bunny-buddy mural.
No.
Bunny-buddy's bigger than the both of us.
Mrs.
cookI'm sorry.
I'm so sorry about Barry.
How did you raise your son? Why did you let him Why did you let him take my boy? He took my boy away.
I'm sorry.
Fulton trout is blowing a billion-dollar deal just so he can give allegheny a black eye.
Offer him more money.
Tried that.
The man invents a cross-eyed rabbit, now he wants the world to think he's some kind of mother Teresa.
Where are we at with the figures? Without bunny-buddy, we are in hell, Nicholas.
[Knock on door.]
What do you want, counselor? I heard your landlord tried to evict you.
Yeah, he tried, but I'm not moving.
Herschel's scared of me.
He asked the courts to evict you immediately for health and safety violations.
Why, 'cause I'm cooking bacon? The why is not our concern.
We just want to disprove the charge.
Come on in, I guess.
How do you like my place, counselor? May I see your refrigerator? What? Your landlord alleged unsanitary food storage.
I need to photograph it.
Be my guest.
Right over here.
[Click.]
He also claims you're storing flammable liquid on premises.
I know.
That's bogus.
You know what that is? Fluid for my lighter.
Where do you store it? This is obviously not a health and safety violation, so no judge will accept this.
Hey, wait a minute.
What about my posters? Don't you want photos of these? No.
Don't need 'em.
Barbara? Thank you.
Barry cook died.
Oh, I'm sorry.
The prosecutor is saying all kinds of things, but it wasn't my boy.
I need you to talk to the public defender.
I don't trust this pushkin guy.
How does this change your legal strategy, Mr.
pushkin? If they prosecute Russell for homicide, it's gonna be as an adult.
They can't link him to the death.
Herb just called.
They have some new evidence.
I'm going down to talk to them now.
I'm coming with you.
Don't let him out of your sight.
Connelly: This is the mass spectrometer reading from the drugs found in Barry cook's apartment, and this is from your client's glove compartment.
It's the same drugs.
Same poison.
Ask for an independent analysis.
Can we get our own analysis? Be my guest, if you can afford it.
But if we go to court, and I'm kind of hoping that we do, we're not gonna need to use all this confusing chemistry stuff, because your client's drugs were wrapped in the same comics page as Barry cook's.
And your client's fingerprint was found on Barry cook's packet.
Juries love this kind of thing.
What do you want? I need to put someone in prison for killing Barry cook.
Nick: Does anyone else have those drugs? They're trying to pin Barry cook's death on you, and you're not naming names.
You're stupid.
Ok.
I brought a cell phone.
I'm not supposed to, but I'm gonna leave this phone here with you, and I want you to make whatever calls it takes to take that crap off the streets.
You could at least do that.
Mr.
matlin's claim is specious.
The flammable liquid was only lighter fluid.
The rotten food was a day-old salad.
Do you really think these are emergency health and safety problems? Maybe not.
But can you tell me how to get this Man out of my apartment? Lawfully.
This court will not endorse a fraudulent claim, Mr.
matlin.
[Bangs gavel.]
Next case.
You win.
Nick: Hey, Jake.
Hi.
I just sued a nun.
It's only business.
That's about as bad as it gets.
I just prevented a nice Jewish man from evicting his Neo-Nazi tenant.
All right, I stand corrected.
Jake, James.
James, Jake.
Hey.
Hi.
A nun? What'd she do? She, um, she painted a mural of bunny-buddy.
Remind me again why we became lawyers.
It's nice to meet you, Jake.
All right.
I'll see you later.
What, was he serious about the Nazi thing? Oh, yeah.
Now I feel stupid about feeling bad about my nun.
Barbara: Nick? Uh, your phone.
Russell said you forgot it.
No, I didn't forget it.
I left it there.
I thought he might call his dealer.
Did he make any calls? Yeah, one.
One.
Do you know the number? Yeah.
He just called his father.
They close? Pretty close.
Do you want to tell me about it? Well, uh, in high school, uh, web and I were both hell-raisers, and we'd drive 200 Miles to the middle of nowhere just to feel like something was happening.
And then, uh, he straightened out, and he went off to college, and I had just 3 things in my life.
Russell, work, and White zinfandel.
[Laughs.]
And then, uh, when he came back from college, web helped me get it together.
Do you think that Russell might have told his father who his dealer was? He might.
Well, I'd like to talk to him.
Ok.
[Whistling.]
Let me help you.
I'm ok.
I don't mind.
I'm fine.
Thank you.
Now you know how I feel.
I defended you Because I believe in the righteousness of the law, and I believe that all people deserve a good lawyer.
But I do not know how you feel, Mr.
Nilsson.
And you and I have nothing in common! If you fell off the face of the earth, I'd then throw a party every year to mark the anniversary.
Now get your hand off my car! [Music playing, chatter.]
So how's it look for Russ? It's not good.
How bad could it be? I mean, he's 16 years old.
It's a possession charge, right? He's gonna be bound over.
They'll try him as an adult for homicide.
You're exaggerating.
These kids, I see it all the time-- they send them to the work camps or the shuman center.
Mr.
hall, the public defender told me he'd be lucky to get a deal for What can I do? Well, he has to give up the dealer.
And maybe you can help.
You can tell him that he is defending someone that hasn't lifted a finger to help him.
I know who his dealer is.
Boy's gonna do some time.
No.
Juvenile court and probation.
A kid died.
He has to do some time.
6 months.
You listen to me.
I will give you the top guy who will cop to making the bad batch and distributing it in exchange for 3 months at the shuman center.
Then it looks like we have a deal.
Who is it? It's his father Webster hall.
Just say the words, web.
Tell her.
Hey.
Hey.
Russell was always closer to you than he was to me.
No.
He's close to you in different ways.
Yeah.
What are we gonna do? Barbara-- he's all I've got.
I know.
Barbara, when I went to altoona for that job interview, there was no job interview.
I haven't had an interview for 2 months.
What were you doing there? They have these parties, the kids.
They have parties called raves.
They were having one in altoona that night.
Web, I-- uh This guy I used to work with at mt.
Aire chemical, he--name's gil-- he asked me if I had any experience with p-to-p reactions.
And I said, sure, of course.
It's a standard thing we use to make mothballs, deodorants, all this stuff that we used to make.
Well, he wants me to make him up a batch of mdma.
Ecstasy.
He says a smart guy with $500 worth of ingredients could make $5,000.
No.
No.
Sometimes it comes out wrong.
Sometimes a batch is too hot or too cold and you've gotta test it before you sell it.
So I--I had this run that I had to test.
I didn't have time, so I wrapped it in the funny pages and I shoved it in the wall behind the water heater.
My brilliant hiding space.
I never--I never thought Russ knew what I was doing.
What were you thinking? Honey, I wasn't.
I wasn't.
I was poor.
For the first time in my adult life, I was poor.
You weren't worried about Russ? He's everything to me.
I was doing this for him.
No.
No.
Don't blame him.
Don't you even dare put this on Russell.
This you did.
You're right.
I'm gonna pay for it.
You were protecting your father.
He did the right thing.
Nick talked to the district attorney.
You'll serve 3 months at the shuman center.
You'll be on probation until you're 21.
At the end of that time, if you behave, your record will be expunged.
And what about dad? They're still negotiating, but he's gonna serve time.
I'll be outside.
[Sighs.]
Tell me what really happened, Russ.
I found dad's hiding place back in August when I was looking for the circuit breaker.
Why didn't you just leave it there? 'Cause I'm not a football player.
I'm not at all popular.
But when people thought I had e, everybody wanted to be my friend, mom.
Everybody.
You gave the drugs to Barry cook.
Yeah.
But, mom, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Well, I don't think he's gonna sign.
This bunny freak is jerking us around just because he can.
If we don't close today, we don't close.
What did you offer him? it's not the money.
What is it, then? [Laughs.]
He wants to be loved.
Like some kind of Walt Disney Jr.
So what's wrong with that? Nick fallin.
Well, Mr.
trout, um, what is that you want? I want people to know that bunny-buddy was never about the money.
Well, if it's not about the money, then what is it about? I want them to stop making crap out of my bunny-buddy.
Every bunny-buddy that is made can have your stamp of approval.
I'm a toymaker, not a bureaucrat.
Well, someone that you trust, they can make a hefty wage just to say no.
That's not enough.
You want credit? Yeah.
Every bunny-buddy product can have a tag on it that says, "fulton trout invented bunny-buddy.
" Ah, ah, see, it's "created.
" "Invented" sounds like a mad scientist.
Yes, you're right.
Created.
Done.
Can we close? I want a museum.
A what? A museum.
Honoring you.
A toy museum.
With, uh, your toys in it, and, uh, family history.
Mm-hmm.
A re-creation of my house.
That would be very interesting.
[Laughing.]
What about the mural? Well, you know, the mural-- the mural is a problem.
It's a problem because the Japanese, they're paying for the trademark.
They're buying the trademark, and they're well within their rights to protect it.
I'm tired of children hating me.
Well, maybe we could just let this one mural stand.
All right.
Ok.
Great.
This morning, I put 2 bowls on the table and started making oatmeal with grape jelly-- that's how Russell likes it-- and I just stopped.
He's not there.
He's gonna be all right, Barbara.
The first couple of nights are scary.
He's gonna be fine.
He'll be fine.
Alvin.
I'm ready.
Good.
[Telephone rings.]
Legal services of Pittsburgh.
Can you hold, please? Good morning.
Good to see you.
Hello, Mr.
trout.
I'm sister Anne.
Yes, we spoke on the phone.
We spoke on the phone, yes.
I'd like you to meet the children.
Children, I want you all to come and meet Mr.
fulton trout.
He is the man who created bunny-buddy.
He'll tell you anything you want to know.
Hi, how are-- hi, everybody, how are you? Kids: Good! Good.
Ha ha! Thank you so much for doing this.
This is so beautiful.
How long did it take you to do this? Kids: 2 seasons! Oh, my gosh.
That's a long time.
You know, he didn't always used to look like this.
Right at the beginning he used to have some overalls, and he had some funny shoes, and I had a hat on him that his ears sort of went through, and they kind of did the floppy little thing like this
May I help you? UhYeah.
Ma'am, I'm Jake straka.
I'm an attorney for allegheny game & toy.
We got your letter asking us to paint it over.
Good.
Because my client is pretty fanatical about bunny-buddy.
Forget about it.
Excuse me? No.
We're not gonna do it.
This is a letter of demand.
If you ignore it, we're gonna have to take you to court.
It's a nice mural.
Excuse me.
Alvin, there's a family in my office.
They were removed from their apartment this morning.
You're representing them in an eviction hearing.
What are these? We're drowning in them.
Erik Nilsson.
Yes.
Are you my lawyer? Nick fallin.
Why are you being evicted? The landlord claims I'm running a business out of the apartment.
Are you? No.
It's a hobby-- a photocopied newsletter.
You want to know the real reason I'm being evicted? Sure.
Herschel matlin thinks he can get an extra 50 a month on my unit.
You know how those people are.
Those people? Landlords.
Morning.
Barbara, what's the matter? My son Russell was arrested last night.
Alvin: What happened? He was out with a friend, driving my car.
They were pulled over.
His friend ran away from the cops, and they searched his car, and they found drugs.
Ok, listen to me, Barbara.
You get yourself the best lawyer you can afford and do everything he says.
I can't afford a lawyer, Nick.
What you do now is gonna make a huge difference for the rest of your son's life.
Don't you think I know that? Nick.
No.
I've never done a drug case.
But you've been there.
I've been there.
Yes, I've been there.
I've been there as a defendant.
So what, Nick? Because you're not the top expert in the Western world, you're just gonna blow me off? I'm not--I didn't say that, Barbara.
So help me, then.
The best thing I can do is to give you a list of names of the top drug lawyers.
Nick, I'm not rich, and the only connection I have is you.
Ok.
I'll do what I can, but the next 30 hours for me are brutal.
I am in the middle of a huge closing at my father's firm, and on top of that, you just gave me 5 of these eviction cases.
Give 'em to me.
I'll credit the hours toward your community service.
At least you can help the public defender.
I'll do what I can.
I am sentencing you to 1,500 hours of community service, using your skills as a corporate attorney to work as a child advocate.
[Chatter.]
James, how's your day look? I've got 8 tenants scheduled for eviction hearings in one day.
That's got to be some kind of record.
Fallin's tied up.
That left me with 5 more tenant cases to assign.
Don't look at me that way.
Now, that's a record.
Nick: Well, yeah.
[Burton, indistinct.]
Mr.
Pierce, we didn't expect to see you today.
I want to know why this closing's been delayed again.
Oh, that's a pretty complicated deal.
Yeah? What's so complicated? We're talking toyshere.
It's a $2 billion corporation, and they're Japanese.
What are they buying, really? Trademarks.
$700 million worth of trademarks.
You knew that going in.
Mr.
Pierce, no disrespect, but your company's record-keeping stinks.
Every single trademark has been an ordeal.
What's that mean? Well, freak-pile and pink pony canyon never got their trademark in Europe.
Chess-kers, bug-eatin' maniac, and son-of-a-bug have no clear chain-of-title.
Then there's dart-head.
Wait, wait.
Forget about dart-head.
All the Japanese care about is bunny-buddy.
Bunny-buddy has the biggest problems of all.
What kind of problems? Your company bought bunny-buddy from a local toymaker back in 1971.
Fulton trout.
We paid 40,000 a year, which then was a heck of a lot of money for a toy, and it was the best money we ever spent.
Mr.
trout's contract gives him approval over subsequent third-party sales.
He's withholding his approval.
This one guy has the power to spike the whole multimillion-dollar merger.
The Japanese say if we don't close within 48 hours, they're gonna walk.
We have that covered.
We have a meeting scheduled with trout this afternoon at 2:00.
Sister Anne: Our school has spent the better part of 2 months painting that mural, and then these lawyers hand us a letter demanding that we paint it over.
Alvin: Did you try asking for permission? I had my kids write to the creator.
No.
Not the creator.
Fulton trout, the guy who invented bunny-buddy.
He said he can't help us.
Do we really have to paint it over? These corporations have unlimited resources.
Alvin, this isn't like you.
I've seen you go to the mat in children's court.
Those were custody hearings, sister.
This is a painting of a rabbit.
A dozen second-graders worked all summer and fall on this.
Ok.
Ok, I'll talk to the lawyers.
Who are they? You know them? Oh, yeah.
I know them.
Barbara: Nick! Nick! Barbara, talk to me while I walk.
This defender Russ drew-- I have my doubts.
Who is it? Matt pushkin.
[Sucks in breath.]
What, what, what? He's not good? Pushover pushkin.
Well, he's a nice guy.
Do you have any family that can pitch in to get you a lawyer? I'm raising Russell by myself.
That's the family.
What about his father? He's broke.
Mt.
Aire plastics laid him off in June.
Who's prosecuting? Herb connelly.
[Sighs.]
Nick.
Nick, tell me the truth.
Herb connelly--connelly has political ambitions.
He approaches each drug prosecution from the point of view of how it looks on his campaign flier.
He had my case.
Yeah, but you got off with community service, right? Political ambitions cut both ways.
Barbara, I'm Burton fallin's son.
Nick, he's downstairs, in lockup.
Talk to Russell, tell him what to do.
It'll take you 10 minutes.
Ok.
Ok.
Great.
They weren't my drugs.
They were in your car.
Somebody--I don't know who--put them there.
That's what happened.
This lawyer says if I name names, I might get a shorter sentence.
Maybe avoid jail time altogether.
Pushkin's right.
You turn over anyone you can.
See, Russell? It's not worth going to jail over.
Please.
I have to go.
Are they gonna let me out, mom? No matter what happens, I love you, Russ.
[Sniffles.]
Are they, mom? I don't know.
Mom, I love you.
Russell's protecting one of his friends.
He has no friends now.
Russell was driving.
The drugs were found in his car.
Unless he has a convincing story as to how they got there, he's guilty.
Barbara, my God.
I was in altoona, interviewing for a refinery job when I got your message.
Web hall, this is Nicholas fallin.
Hi.
Hi.
I really do have to go someplace, so-- web is Russell's father.
I'll call you later.
Ok? Ok.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah.
[Sighs.]
All right.
Now, how's Russell? He's ok, but he won't tell the police anything.
If he did? They'd lighten up on him, I'm sure, but for now, he won't tell them who was in the car with him or where he got the drugs.
Barry cook.
What? Barry cook was at the house before I went for the interview.
That football kid? Yeah.
Where are you going? [Sighs.]
Go see your son.
I'm going to talk with Barry's mother.
Barbara: Web? Uh, yeah? Did you get the job? No.
240 applicants for 9 positions.
I'm sorry.
Amanda, I need you to do 3 things-- call allegheny toy & game.
Tell them that I--Amanda? Amanda.
Amanda, can you hear me? What are you doing? I won't get my car back from impound until Thursday.
I'm only going half a mile.
They used to be best friends.
Then Barry kind of blew Russ off after he became this big football star.
I could cream him.
I'll try to be quick.
Can you wait? No.
I'm gonna come with you.
I gotta make a phone call.
Ok.
[Car alarm beeps.]
[Smoke detector beeping.]
[Buzzer.]
Barbara: Hello? My God! Nick! He's not breathing.
Call 911! P.
A.
: Dr.
Levy, O.
R.
2, Dr.
Levy Officer bacharach, this is Nick fallin, probation number I'm leaving this message because Today I was with an associate, and we found a boy who had overdosed on drugs.
I, um, I just wanted you to hear it from me first.
They want me to stick around and answer some questions.
Oh, God.
Do you know that if you had been across town sweet-talking that bunny-buddy man like you were supposed to that none of this would have happened? Yes, I know that.
Nicholas, I gotta have somebody I can depend on.
If fulton trout balks, we are dead in the water.
Now I gotta make Jake key man on bunny-buddy.
Oh, uh, when you're done here, drop by the office and help Amanda with those closing documents.
Ok? Yeah.
P.
A.
: Nurse Morgan, call the page operator.
Nurse Morgan, call the page operator, please.
Barry cook was admitted at 10:51 A.
M.
Suffering respiratory difficulties due to the ingestion of an unknown substance.
Unknown? It looks like badly made methamphetamine.
Nick: How is he now? Comatose and breathing with assistance.
What's this going to mean for Russell? Well, you know, it can't be good.
Barbara, I think it's time you got yourself a good lawyer.
I told you, there's no money.
Well, web seemed to be doing ok.
He's been out of work since June.
He'd pay if he could, and when he's working, he sends me a check every month.
Alimony? No, no.
We've never married.
It's for Russ.
Do you think he could borrow money? He's tapped, Nick, and there's no trust fund, either.
P.
A.
: Dr.
Pearson, 3578.
Nilsson v.
Matlin.
Judge: This complaint alleges that Mr.
Nilsson is running a business out of his apartment.
Who represents the tenant? I do, your honor.
You? You represent Nilsson? Why? Nicholas fallin is my lawyer.
Mr.
fallin is unavailable.
He asked me to stand in.
No.
No.
I want fallin.
And I want to be Looks like it's Mr.
mooney or you get no lawyer at all.
Ok, I guess, your honor.
Let us continue.
Is he running a business out of his apartment? Mr.
Nilsson publishes a photocopied magazine.
Is that right? Judge: Does he have any employees? No.
Does he make a profit? No.
It's done for pleasure-- a hobby, like sharing recipes.
And he's been current on his rent since 1994.
Your honor, he's not telling you the whole story.
Do you have an attorney, Mr.
matlin? No, your honor.
I'm representing myself.
Then I'll tell you, this is your chance to rebut.
Have you seen any employees in his apartment? No.
No employees.
Then why do you say it's a business? Well, he's got the magazine.
It's not for profit.
Have you seen it? This! This is his magazine.
Is that what you're publishing, Mr.
Nilsson? Yeah.
Uh, that would be it.
The content is immaterial.
The landlord alleged he ran a business.
We've disproved that allegation.
So kick him out anyway.
He's not printing recipes in that.
But it's not a business.
Order to vacate is denied.
Next case.
Oh, jeez, I'm sorry.
Did I startle you, fallin, or was that just one of those drug flashbacks? You know, I have been racking my brain trying to imagine how on earth it was you that found Barry cook.
I was giving a friend a ride.
Barbara ludzinski, whose son was arrested for drugs yesterday.
We work together at legal services of Pittsburgh.
No, she--she works there.
You go there to dodge prison time.
Why don't you go talk to my probation officer? Calm down.
What is your problem? Excuse me? I'm here with a clear conscience, helping out a friend, and you're making insinuations against my character.
If you'd like to take a shot at me, Mr.
connelly, then step up and take your shot.
You seem awfully cranked up today.
You don't have anything on me because I haven't done anything.
Right over here, sir.
Mr.
connelly? How are you, sir? Get a picture? Great.
That's great.
Thank you, sir.
Thanks a lot.
I don't think I'm your best asset at this point, Barbara.
Why? Who was that? That was your son's prosecutor.
That was herb connelly.
[Knock on door.]
Your defendant Nilsson called.
They're trying to evict him again, this time on an emergency basis, citing health and safety violations.
[Sighs.]
I'm on it.
Uh, James You think this is the first chucklehead I've represented? No, of course not.
At least once a week, I get a client who walks in and says, "you know, I was wondering if it might be possible to maybe speak to one of the other lawyers?" This is nothing new.
It's your decision-- keep him or hand him off.
I started the case, I'll finish the case.
Fulton: You'd think because I created bunny-buddy, children would like me, but they don't, even in my hometown.
Last summer, some second-graders learned that bunny-buddy was born right here in Pittsburgh.
Well, this excited them so much that they gave up their Saturdays to paint a bunny-buddy mural right next to their playground.
You see, these aren't rich kids who spend their vacations at seven Springs.
These are inner-city kids.
Yeah? And you--your company threatened them with a lawsuit unless they destroyed their mural.
Gentlemen, this is not the spirit of bunny-buddy.
We just want every bunny-buddy to have the allegheny stamp of quality.
Fulton: No! No.
You are greedy control freaks, and every time you do something ugly, children blame me.
They write me letters.
Here.
Ah! They're like this one here.
"Dear Mr.
trout, "it's just a bunny picture.
Why do you hate us? Love, arika h.
" There.
There.
There.
There.
This is what children think of me.
Sir, I understand that you don't like allegheny game & toy company.
To tell you the truth, I don't like 'em much, either.
But this is your chance to wash your hands of them forever.
Just give them permission to sell bunny-buddy.
Who Who wants to buy him? Golden funcorp, a Japanese toy company.
Which toys? Kitten Katy, noble robot, cha cha choo choo, among many others.
Kitten Katy is an insipid affront to anyone who loves toys.
And noble robot? That isn't even a toy.
It's a weapon with a face.
No.
Burton: They will kick in a handsome bonus.
No! No, no, no.
Mr.
Masterson, Jake straka.
How you doin'? Thanks for coming.
Sister Anne.
Come on this way.
Fight the power, Alvin.
Could I get you anything? No, thank you.
Sister Anne: No, thank you.
As you know, St.
angelica's is one of Pittsburgh's oldest parochial institutions.
It's a building block of the community.
Sure, but my client takes misappropriation of the bunny-buddy trademark very seriously.
We're not commercially exploiting him.
Really, this is a testament to the children's love for bunny-buddy.
Intellectual property is the same as any other kind of property.
They see it like, um You build a house on their land, and they'll sue you unless you tear it down.
I dare you.
What? If you people sue my school, I will drag your name through a public relations nightmare like you have never seen.
I have friends on channel 9.
Let me, uh, let me show you something.
This is allegheny's play book.
It's called bunny-buddy and the law.
They actually give this to all their lawyers? They spend millions a year protecting bunny-buddy's honor.
Fighting little parochial schools? Appendix b is a list of all the schools and hospitals that have lost to them in court.
All right.
Uh, we'll let you know how we plan to fight this.
We await your response.
Fallin.
So this was the big closing, huh? Toys.
Yes.
Can you help sister Anne? She wants to keep her bunny-buddy mural.
No.
Bunny-buddy's bigger than the both of us.
Mrs.
cookI'm sorry.
I'm so sorry about Barry.
How did you raise your son? Why did you let him Why did you let him take my boy? He took my boy away.
I'm sorry.
Fulton trout is blowing a billion-dollar deal just so he can give allegheny a black eye.
Offer him more money.
Tried that.
The man invents a cross-eyed rabbit, now he wants the world to think he's some kind of mother Teresa.
Where are we at with the figures? Without bunny-buddy, we are in hell, Nicholas.
[Knock on door.]
What do you want, counselor? I heard your landlord tried to evict you.
Yeah, he tried, but I'm not moving.
Herschel's scared of me.
He asked the courts to evict you immediately for health and safety violations.
Why, 'cause I'm cooking bacon? The why is not our concern.
We just want to disprove the charge.
Come on in, I guess.
How do you like my place, counselor? May I see your refrigerator? What? Your landlord alleged unsanitary food storage.
I need to photograph it.
Be my guest.
Right over here.
[Click.]
He also claims you're storing flammable liquid on premises.
I know.
That's bogus.
You know what that is? Fluid for my lighter.
Where do you store it? This is obviously not a health and safety violation, so no judge will accept this.
Hey, wait a minute.
What about my posters? Don't you want photos of these? No.
Don't need 'em.
Barbara? Thank you.
Barry cook died.
Oh, I'm sorry.
The prosecutor is saying all kinds of things, but it wasn't my boy.
I need you to talk to the public defender.
I don't trust this pushkin guy.
How does this change your legal strategy, Mr.
pushkin? If they prosecute Russell for homicide, it's gonna be as an adult.
They can't link him to the death.
Herb just called.
They have some new evidence.
I'm going down to talk to them now.
I'm coming with you.
Don't let him out of your sight.
Connelly: This is the mass spectrometer reading from the drugs found in Barry cook's apartment, and this is from your client's glove compartment.
It's the same drugs.
Same poison.
Ask for an independent analysis.
Can we get our own analysis? Be my guest, if you can afford it.
But if we go to court, and I'm kind of hoping that we do, we're not gonna need to use all this confusing chemistry stuff, because your client's drugs were wrapped in the same comics page as Barry cook's.
And your client's fingerprint was found on Barry cook's packet.
Juries love this kind of thing.
What do you want? I need to put someone in prison for killing Barry cook.
Nick: Does anyone else have those drugs? They're trying to pin Barry cook's death on you, and you're not naming names.
You're stupid.
Ok.
I brought a cell phone.
I'm not supposed to, but I'm gonna leave this phone here with you, and I want you to make whatever calls it takes to take that crap off the streets.
You could at least do that.
Mr.
matlin's claim is specious.
The flammable liquid was only lighter fluid.
The rotten food was a day-old salad.
Do you really think these are emergency health and safety problems? Maybe not.
But can you tell me how to get this Man out of my apartment? Lawfully.
This court will not endorse a fraudulent claim, Mr.
matlin.
[Bangs gavel.]
Next case.
You win.
Nick: Hey, Jake.
Hi.
I just sued a nun.
It's only business.
That's about as bad as it gets.
I just prevented a nice Jewish man from evicting his Neo-Nazi tenant.
All right, I stand corrected.
Jake, James.
James, Jake.
Hey.
Hi.
A nun? What'd she do? She, um, she painted a mural of bunny-buddy.
Remind me again why we became lawyers.
It's nice to meet you, Jake.
All right.
I'll see you later.
What, was he serious about the Nazi thing? Oh, yeah.
Now I feel stupid about feeling bad about my nun.
Barbara: Nick? Uh, your phone.
Russell said you forgot it.
No, I didn't forget it.
I left it there.
I thought he might call his dealer.
Did he make any calls? Yeah, one.
One.
Do you know the number? Yeah.
He just called his father.
They close? Pretty close.
Do you want to tell me about it? Well, uh, in high school, uh, web and I were both hell-raisers, and we'd drive 200 Miles to the middle of nowhere just to feel like something was happening.
And then, uh, he straightened out, and he went off to college, and I had just 3 things in my life.
Russell, work, and White zinfandel.
[Laughs.]
And then, uh, when he came back from college, web helped me get it together.
Do you think that Russell might have told his father who his dealer was? He might.
Well, I'd like to talk to him.
Ok.
[Whistling.]
Let me help you.
I'm ok.
I don't mind.
I'm fine.
Thank you.
Now you know how I feel.
I defended you Because I believe in the righteousness of the law, and I believe that all people deserve a good lawyer.
But I do not know how you feel, Mr.
Nilsson.
And you and I have nothing in common! If you fell off the face of the earth, I'd then throw a party every year to mark the anniversary.
Now get your hand off my car! [Music playing, chatter.]
So how's it look for Russ? It's not good.
How bad could it be? I mean, he's 16 years old.
It's a possession charge, right? He's gonna be bound over.
They'll try him as an adult for homicide.
You're exaggerating.
These kids, I see it all the time-- they send them to the work camps or the shuman center.
Mr.
hall, the public defender told me he'd be lucky to get a deal for What can I do? Well, he has to give up the dealer.
And maybe you can help.
You can tell him that he is defending someone that hasn't lifted a finger to help him.
I know who his dealer is.
Boy's gonna do some time.
No.
Juvenile court and probation.
A kid died.
He has to do some time.
6 months.
You listen to me.
I will give you the top guy who will cop to making the bad batch and distributing it in exchange for 3 months at the shuman center.
Then it looks like we have a deal.
Who is it? It's his father Webster hall.
Just say the words, web.
Tell her.
Hey.
Hey.
Russell was always closer to you than he was to me.
No.
He's close to you in different ways.
Yeah.
What are we gonna do? Barbara-- he's all I've got.
I know.
Barbara, when I went to altoona for that job interview, there was no job interview.
I haven't had an interview for 2 months.
What were you doing there? They have these parties, the kids.
They have parties called raves.
They were having one in altoona that night.
Web, I-- uh This guy I used to work with at mt.
Aire chemical, he--name's gil-- he asked me if I had any experience with p-to-p reactions.
And I said, sure, of course.
It's a standard thing we use to make mothballs, deodorants, all this stuff that we used to make.
Well, he wants me to make him up a batch of mdma.
Ecstasy.
He says a smart guy with $500 worth of ingredients could make $5,000.
No.
No.
Sometimes it comes out wrong.
Sometimes a batch is too hot or too cold and you've gotta test it before you sell it.
So I--I had this run that I had to test.
I didn't have time, so I wrapped it in the funny pages and I shoved it in the wall behind the water heater.
My brilliant hiding space.
I never--I never thought Russ knew what I was doing.
What were you thinking? Honey, I wasn't.
I wasn't.
I was poor.
For the first time in my adult life, I was poor.
You weren't worried about Russ? He's everything to me.
I was doing this for him.
No.
No.
Don't blame him.
Don't you even dare put this on Russell.
This you did.
You're right.
I'm gonna pay for it.
You were protecting your father.
He did the right thing.
Nick talked to the district attorney.
You'll serve 3 months at the shuman center.
You'll be on probation until you're 21.
At the end of that time, if you behave, your record will be expunged.
And what about dad? They're still negotiating, but he's gonna serve time.
I'll be outside.
[Sighs.]
Tell me what really happened, Russ.
I found dad's hiding place back in August when I was looking for the circuit breaker.
Why didn't you just leave it there? 'Cause I'm not a football player.
I'm not at all popular.
But when people thought I had e, everybody wanted to be my friend, mom.
Everybody.
You gave the drugs to Barry cook.
Yeah.
But, mom, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Well, I don't think he's gonna sign.
This bunny freak is jerking us around just because he can.
If we don't close today, we don't close.
What did you offer him? it's not the money.
What is it, then? [Laughs.]
He wants to be loved.
Like some kind of Walt Disney Jr.
So what's wrong with that? Nick fallin.
Well, Mr.
trout, um, what is that you want? I want people to know that bunny-buddy was never about the money.
Well, if it's not about the money, then what is it about? I want them to stop making crap out of my bunny-buddy.
Every bunny-buddy that is made can have your stamp of approval.
I'm a toymaker, not a bureaucrat.
Well, someone that you trust, they can make a hefty wage just to say no.
That's not enough.
You want credit? Yeah.
Every bunny-buddy product can have a tag on it that says, "fulton trout invented bunny-buddy.
" Ah, ah, see, it's "created.
" "Invented" sounds like a mad scientist.
Yes, you're right.
Created.
Done.
Can we close? I want a museum.
A what? A museum.
Honoring you.
A toy museum.
With, uh, your toys in it, and, uh, family history.
Mm-hmm.
A re-creation of my house.
That would be very interesting.
[Laughing.]
What about the mural? Well, you know, the mural-- the mural is a problem.
It's a problem because the Japanese, they're paying for the trademark.
They're buying the trademark, and they're well within their rights to protect it.
I'm tired of children hating me.
Well, maybe we could just let this one mural stand.
All right.
Ok.
Great.
This morning, I put 2 bowls on the table and started making oatmeal with grape jelly-- that's how Russell likes it-- and I just stopped.
He's not there.
He's gonna be all right, Barbara.
The first couple of nights are scary.
He's gonna be fine.
He'll be fine.
Alvin.
I'm ready.
Good.
[Telephone rings.]
Legal services of Pittsburgh.
Can you hold, please? Good morning.
Good to see you.
Hello, Mr.
trout.
I'm sister Anne.
Yes, we spoke on the phone.
We spoke on the phone, yes.
I'd like you to meet the children.
Children, I want you all to come and meet Mr.
fulton trout.
He is the man who created bunny-buddy.
He'll tell you anything you want to know.
Hi, how are-- hi, everybody, how are you? Kids: Good! Good.
Ha ha! Thank you so much for doing this.
This is so beautiful.
How long did it take you to do this? Kids: 2 seasons! Oh, my gosh.
That's a long time.
You know, he didn't always used to look like this.
Right at the beginning he used to have some overalls, and he had some funny shoes, and I had a hat on him that his ears sort of went through, and they kind of did the floppy little thing like this