The Legend of Vox Machina (2022) s01e09 Episode Script
The Tide of Bone
1
There's nothing more
to be done.
His fate lies with the gods.
Liar! Sylas, please, hold on.
This is not the end.
Uh "Kuthos Lavi Kushak Vetom Grash Thidrondas.
Oo Dovidi Rudas Kirum Thranokas!" Oh, Sylas, it-it worked.
Yes, my love.
I feel better.
Different.
Your heart.
Mmm.
I should be down there fighting.
No.
We've not come this far to have our plans spoiled.
You are more precious to me than you'll ever know.
Trust in the Whispered One, for we are his blood.
What did you do, my dear? Holy sh We may want to get out of here.
Aren't these things supposed to be slow? Come on! Let's move! Thanks, Kiki.
In case I wasn't clear before, the undead freak me out.
I mean, why? Help me.
Excuse us.
Coming through! Everyone, follow Grog! More of them? How many dead people are in your stupid town, Percy?! Where'd they all come from? Uh, the ground.
That's where all dead people live.
Hmm? Do you hear that? Sounds like hundreds of them.
Thousands.
This way! There's a safe house! Inside! Thank the Dawnfather you made it.
Barely.
We saw your message in the sky.
Percival, what's our next move? You're asking me? Well, we I-I assumed since you're the rightful heir Titles don't matter anymore.
You're the leader, Archibald.
Thanks for keeping me from becoming zombie kibble.
Oh.
N-No problem.
You probably would have been fine.
No, I wouldn't.
Stuck in a death trap, no way out.
Zombies always eat the little guy first.
They know how delectable I am.
Get ahold of yourself! Hey! I mean, that was kind of hot, but - Oh, God, they found us.
- Huh? Nobody move.
Scanlan! - Get off me! - Will you hold still, you twerp? I don't want to stab you.
Ah, whatever.
Gross.
Oh.
How bad is it? - Could be worse.
- But how?! Could be my arm.
- You doing okay back there? Not dead yet.
In fact, we make a pretty good team.
Ah, balls.
- Bull's-eye.
- Hmm.
We need a way out.
Heads up.
Oh.
Holy shit! Whitestone ain't worth this.
They're losing heart, Percy.
Say something to them.
I can't.
Julius was supposed to rule, not me.
Julius is gone, and I've been with the Briarwoods for years.
No one trusts me.
You are next in line the long lost de Rolo.
Little help? Ah.
Scanlan? I'm no Pike.
This is way beyond me.
Necrosis.
You'll lose the arm within the hour.
The hour? What?! No, no, I need this arm for, like stuff.
Hey, Scanman, you want me to whack it off? Yeah, you may have to if I lose it! Okay.
Hold still! No! No! Stop! Last resort.
We don't have time for this.
Well, shit.
Let's be anywhere but here.
Okay, this is nice.
Maybe we just live in this alley for forever? Why did I say that? The bag.
- Yeah, I don't mean to rush you.
- Then don't.
We get it.
You're smart.
Just do something! Holy shit! Hey, do that again.
Wish I could.
Sadly, it's still a work in progress.
The fuck?! Giants, lay waste to them! Scatter! Regroup at the Sun Tree! Miscreant! You and I have unfinished business.
Uh, who? Me? Perhaps you are confused.
We gnomes all look alike, don't you know? You know, on second glance, I do recognize Lightning! Did you really think I would not adapt from our previous encounter? Um, no? Hmm? Assault from all points! You and me, just like old times.
That desperate, are we? You joke, but back then, we could take on the world.
My men would be honored to fight alongside a de Rolo if you would only tell them.
Unlikely.
Although, I did keep a smelly son of a cook from being executed.
Oh, that was you? I remember some gangly twat yapping at me through the bars.
Oh.
Come here, you little shit.
You're one to talk.
You've got enough meat on you Scanlan, behind you! Oh, no.
No, no, no! Ah.
Huh.
No.
Archie.
Archie's down! Fall back! Fall back! Shit! He's gone, Percy.
Come on! Just keep coming.
I've got this.
Everyone stay back.
Damn.
No.
No, come on, please.
I need more.
Kiki! Where did that come from? Not really sure.
Have I mentioned you're amazing? Yes.
Yes, she's the tits.
We still have to go! Archie he didn't make it.
We heard.
Now it's your turn to lead them.
It can't be me, Cassandra.
I'm not a leader.
I ran.
But you're here now.
Yours wasn't the only life shattered that day.
We're all here.
The time is now.
No one else can do this.
I am Lord Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III! On the day the Briarwoods took Whitestone, I watched my family die.
Despite my desire for vengeance, I fled.
And fear kept me from my home.
We have all lost.
But Archie never feared, never wavered.
He willingly gave his life for all of us.
For Whitestone.
His sacrifice, your sacrifice and the sacrifice of my family shall not be in vain.
Today is for Archie, for the de Rolos, for Whitestone! Let's kill fucking everything! Leave none standing! Grog! Damn it! Oh, worst time to have performance issues.
Aah.
Hey.
You you know I'm in love with you, right? Uh Wait.
What?! Now?! I mean, this is, like, the worst time! Come on! Pull back! Come on, up the tree! It was an honor fighting with you.
It was a valiant effort, friend.
- Huh? - Huh? Sup? Pike?! Holy shit! Huh.
You look like an angel.
Marry me? Okay, let's do it.
Right now.
Wait.
What? Uh, seriously? No.
But it's good to see you too, Scanlan.
Hey, everyone, uh, I'm Oh.
I missed you so much.
Ooh.
Pike? You're glowing and kind of buzzing? Are you dead? - Astral projection.
- Your ass what? I'm here, buddy, but my body is back at the temple.
I still felt that bear hug, though, which definitely hurt.
Listen, how about we talk about it after we murder these unholy fucks? This has gotten out of hand.
I'm going to the front.
And risk everything? You're too valuable.
No.
We must accelerate our plans.
But I thought it was too soon? They've left us no choice.
Another confounding gnome? Hey, look at that.
Whole team's back together again.
Vex, give me a lift.
I want to try something stupid.
Scanlan.
Hand! The legend's back, oh, yes, he's back Huh? Hop on, I'll give you a ride Get ready to fly! Oh, gods.
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.
Fuck this! You motherfuckers! Mine fell first.
Nuh-uh! This cannot be happening.
It's preposterous, unthinkable, incompre Oh.
Fuck this.
Vedmire! That was for Archie.
Congratulations, Vedmire.
Your name isn't on my list.
Instead, you'll answer - to the people of Whitestone.
- Huh? And may they show you all the mercy you showed them.
You stay away.
You get your hands off me.
Get off me, you fucking ballbag.
Get off Huh? For Whitestone! Yennen? It isn't safe here.
The Dawnfather called, and we answered.
I think I know a sign when I see one.
- Hey, uh, what's she doing? - Watch.
May your weapons strike with the divine virtue of the Everlight.
Now go crush some fucking heads! Our people can handle it from here.
Go, Percival.
Take back what is rightfully yours.
I don't know how to thank you.
The Dawnfather has found life in you.
Use his gift wisely.
Well, fearless leader, lead.
With the Pale Guard protecting the castle gate, the best way in is Our hidden tunnel.
It was good enough to hide from nannies and tutors.
And know-it-all older brothers.
Cass, I'm so sorry.
I wish I could go back and do things differently.
I know.
Percy.
Your castle is, um nice.
This is the dungeon, Keyleth.
The Briarwoods will be found elsewhere.
Is someone there? - What? - Hmm? Did I hear you say you were looking for the Briarwoods? Are you friend or foe? Foe.
Of Delilah and Sylas, at least.
I can take you to them if you free me.
This is the only freedom I offer you.
Percy, wait! Pike came from the outskirts of town Near the bramble wood From a family with an unsavory reputation Round the hood She found out she was blessed divinely She could heal folks, too But when her power was gone She took it hard and said "Adieu" Ooh, ooh Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh Pike Trickfoot Chirp.
His fate lies with the gods.
Liar! Sylas, please, hold on.
This is not the end.
Uh "Kuthos Lavi Kushak Vetom Grash Thidrondas.
Oo Dovidi Rudas Kirum Thranokas!" Oh, Sylas, it-it worked.
Yes, my love.
I feel better.
Different.
Your heart.
Mmm.
I should be down there fighting.
No.
We've not come this far to have our plans spoiled.
You are more precious to me than you'll ever know.
Trust in the Whispered One, for we are his blood.
What did you do, my dear? Holy sh We may want to get out of here.
Aren't these things supposed to be slow? Come on! Let's move! Thanks, Kiki.
In case I wasn't clear before, the undead freak me out.
I mean, why? Help me.
Excuse us.
Coming through! Everyone, follow Grog! More of them? How many dead people are in your stupid town, Percy?! Where'd they all come from? Uh, the ground.
That's where all dead people live.
Hmm? Do you hear that? Sounds like hundreds of them.
Thousands.
This way! There's a safe house! Inside! Thank the Dawnfather you made it.
Barely.
We saw your message in the sky.
Percival, what's our next move? You're asking me? Well, we I-I assumed since you're the rightful heir Titles don't matter anymore.
You're the leader, Archibald.
Thanks for keeping me from becoming zombie kibble.
Oh.
N-No problem.
You probably would have been fine.
No, I wouldn't.
Stuck in a death trap, no way out.
Zombies always eat the little guy first.
They know how delectable I am.
Get ahold of yourself! Hey! I mean, that was kind of hot, but - Oh, God, they found us.
- Huh? Nobody move.
Scanlan! - Get off me! - Will you hold still, you twerp? I don't want to stab you.
Ah, whatever.
Gross.
Oh.
How bad is it? - Could be worse.
- But how?! Could be my arm.
- You doing okay back there? Not dead yet.
In fact, we make a pretty good team.
Ah, balls.
- Bull's-eye.
- Hmm.
We need a way out.
Heads up.
Oh.
Holy shit! Whitestone ain't worth this.
They're losing heart, Percy.
Say something to them.
I can't.
Julius was supposed to rule, not me.
Julius is gone, and I've been with the Briarwoods for years.
No one trusts me.
You are next in line the long lost de Rolo.
Little help? Ah.
Scanlan? I'm no Pike.
This is way beyond me.
Necrosis.
You'll lose the arm within the hour.
The hour? What?! No, no, I need this arm for, like stuff.
Hey, Scanman, you want me to whack it off? Yeah, you may have to if I lose it! Okay.
Hold still! No! No! Stop! Last resort.
We don't have time for this.
Well, shit.
Let's be anywhere but here.
Okay, this is nice.
Maybe we just live in this alley for forever? Why did I say that? The bag.
- Yeah, I don't mean to rush you.
- Then don't.
We get it.
You're smart.
Just do something! Holy shit! Hey, do that again.
Wish I could.
Sadly, it's still a work in progress.
The fuck?! Giants, lay waste to them! Scatter! Regroup at the Sun Tree! Miscreant! You and I have unfinished business.
Uh, who? Me? Perhaps you are confused.
We gnomes all look alike, don't you know? You know, on second glance, I do recognize Lightning! Did you really think I would not adapt from our previous encounter? Um, no? Hmm? Assault from all points! You and me, just like old times.
That desperate, are we? You joke, but back then, we could take on the world.
My men would be honored to fight alongside a de Rolo if you would only tell them.
Unlikely.
Although, I did keep a smelly son of a cook from being executed.
Oh, that was you? I remember some gangly twat yapping at me through the bars.
Oh.
Come here, you little shit.
You're one to talk.
You've got enough meat on you Scanlan, behind you! Oh, no.
No, no, no! Ah.
Huh.
No.
Archie.
Archie's down! Fall back! Fall back! Shit! He's gone, Percy.
Come on! Just keep coming.
I've got this.
Everyone stay back.
Damn.
No.
No, come on, please.
I need more.
Kiki! Where did that come from? Not really sure.
Have I mentioned you're amazing? Yes.
Yes, she's the tits.
We still have to go! Archie he didn't make it.
We heard.
Now it's your turn to lead them.
It can't be me, Cassandra.
I'm not a leader.
I ran.
But you're here now.
Yours wasn't the only life shattered that day.
We're all here.
The time is now.
No one else can do this.
I am Lord Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III! On the day the Briarwoods took Whitestone, I watched my family die.
Despite my desire for vengeance, I fled.
And fear kept me from my home.
We have all lost.
But Archie never feared, never wavered.
He willingly gave his life for all of us.
For Whitestone.
His sacrifice, your sacrifice and the sacrifice of my family shall not be in vain.
Today is for Archie, for the de Rolos, for Whitestone! Let's kill fucking everything! Leave none standing! Grog! Damn it! Oh, worst time to have performance issues.
Aah.
Hey.
You you know I'm in love with you, right? Uh Wait.
What?! Now?! I mean, this is, like, the worst time! Come on! Pull back! Come on, up the tree! It was an honor fighting with you.
It was a valiant effort, friend.
- Huh? - Huh? Sup? Pike?! Holy shit! Huh.
You look like an angel.
Marry me? Okay, let's do it.
Right now.
Wait.
What? Uh, seriously? No.
But it's good to see you too, Scanlan.
Hey, everyone, uh, I'm Oh.
I missed you so much.
Ooh.
Pike? You're glowing and kind of buzzing? Are you dead? - Astral projection.
- Your ass what? I'm here, buddy, but my body is back at the temple.
I still felt that bear hug, though, which definitely hurt.
Listen, how about we talk about it after we murder these unholy fucks? This has gotten out of hand.
I'm going to the front.
And risk everything? You're too valuable.
No.
We must accelerate our plans.
But I thought it was too soon? They've left us no choice.
Another confounding gnome? Hey, look at that.
Whole team's back together again.
Vex, give me a lift.
I want to try something stupid.
Scanlan.
Hand! The legend's back, oh, yes, he's back Huh? Hop on, I'll give you a ride Get ready to fly! Oh, gods.
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.
Fuck this! You motherfuckers! Mine fell first.
Nuh-uh! This cannot be happening.
It's preposterous, unthinkable, incompre Oh.
Fuck this.
Vedmire! That was for Archie.
Congratulations, Vedmire.
Your name isn't on my list.
Instead, you'll answer - to the people of Whitestone.
- Huh? And may they show you all the mercy you showed them.
You stay away.
You get your hands off me.
Get off me, you fucking ballbag.
Get off Huh? For Whitestone! Yennen? It isn't safe here.
The Dawnfather called, and we answered.
I think I know a sign when I see one.
- Hey, uh, what's she doing? - Watch.
May your weapons strike with the divine virtue of the Everlight.
Now go crush some fucking heads! Our people can handle it from here.
Go, Percival.
Take back what is rightfully yours.
I don't know how to thank you.
The Dawnfather has found life in you.
Use his gift wisely.
Well, fearless leader, lead.
With the Pale Guard protecting the castle gate, the best way in is Our hidden tunnel.
It was good enough to hide from nannies and tutors.
And know-it-all older brothers.
Cass, I'm so sorry.
I wish I could go back and do things differently.
I know.
Percy.
Your castle is, um nice.
This is the dungeon, Keyleth.
The Briarwoods will be found elsewhere.
Is someone there? - What? - Hmm? Did I hear you say you were looking for the Briarwoods? Are you friend or foe? Foe.
Of Delilah and Sylas, at least.
I can take you to them if you free me.
This is the only freedom I offer you.
Percy, wait! Pike came from the outskirts of town Near the bramble wood From a family with an unsavory reputation Round the hood She found out she was blessed divinely She could heal folks, too But when her power was gone She took it hard and said "Adieu" Ooh, ooh Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh Pike Trickfoot Chirp.