The Owl House (2020) s01e09 Episode Script

1 [boy.]
Behold.
The wonders of the human realm.
This little fellow is one of their most valued objects.
It aids in the compiling of printed wisdom, the scratching of gunk from under your nails, and my favorite It even mimics the sounds of the human ocean.
[twangs.]
Aah! The human realm.
So beautiful.
It's safe to say that the pay-per-clorp is a stunning testament to human ingenuity.
Any questions? Ah! Our newest member: Mattholomule.
A-Augustus is this what the president of the Human Appreciation Society thinks passes as "Human Artifacts"? Because at my old school, we had real treasures.
- [girl gasps.]
- [gasps.]
- So real.
- Wow! I I wanna touch them.
Go ahead.
In my club, we didn't have any dumb rules.
[gasps.]
Shh.
He didn't mean that.
- Hey! - What? [grunts.]
Well, this isn't your club.
Thankfully.
Exactly, who thinks I should be president? - [H.
A.
S.
kids.]
I do! - Mattholomule for prez.
I'm an undecided voter.
- I wanna touch all the objects first.
- [mumbling.]
These are fakes.
[girl gasps.]
What? [stammers.]
You can't prove that.
[inhales.]
You're just trying to distract these human appreciators.
You're afraid of getting kicked out of office.
It's your word versus mine.
[mumbling.]
I don't know what to believe in anymore.
My faith in Gus has been broken.
[thuds.]
What if I brought in an expert? Yeah, right.
Who can you find that's a bigger human expert than any of us? How about a real human? - [mumbling.]
- Why the secrets? Show don't tell, man.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
A-And you've never brought your friend here.
Why? Well, she's busy.
She's got a job.
But I'll bring her in tomorrow.
She'll prove I'm right.
[scoffs.]
Ah, sure you will, Augustus.
[Mattholomule.]
Sure you will.
Gus, I'd love to go to school with you, but I don't know how I can.
[Luz.]
Principal Bump banned me from Hexside.
But nothing.
Bump did you a favor.
There ain't nothing for you at that dweebus factory.
No offense, dweebus.
It's okay.
I come from a long line of dweebuses.
[clattering.]
Well, I would love to go some day.
Better than unpacking boxes in the Eda Coven.
Oh, you think you're clever, huh? Ohhh.
Fight, fight, fight.
Can it, King.
First off, it's the "Bad Girl Coven" and second off, I guess you don't want in on the T-shirt order, huh? [rock music playing.]
I don't care about T-shirts, Eda.
I want to learn magic.
And they teach that at Hexside.
I mean, yeah, well, [grunts.]
I don't wanna hear another word about Hexside, unless it's Hexside is on fire and let's grab front row seats.
[door closes.]
Aw, look what you did.
I've gotta go rub it in.
[grunts.]
- [King laughs.]
- [door opens.]
- [door closes.]
- [sighs.]
L-Luz, a-about the ban, I, uh, used my H.
A.
S.
presidential authority to pull some strings.
You've been given a full pardon.
You mean I got the ban lifted.
- Holy gosh.
Yes, yes, yes! - [grunting.]
Of course I'll be there tomorrow.
Gus, this will be great.
I get to see the school and save the president.
Great.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Yes! You did it, Gus! You did it, Gus You're the smartest You're the best [Hooty.]
Sweet moves, little dude.
[yelps.]
I always forget you're there.
I forget I'm here too.
Boop.
This is gonna work out after all.
This isn't gonna work out at all.
Well, I feel like I took care of any potential problems.
You lied to our best friend and told her you got the ban lifted.
That seems like a potential problem to me.
You don't understand.
The members were going mad.
They were bloodthirsty.
They were touching objects.
I had no choice.
Really? What about all the wanted posters around school? What wanted posters? I also got this.
To keep her undercover.
Undercover from what? [Luz squeals, mumbles.]
Behold your new cowl.
Whoa.
I love it.
[sniffs.]
On the Boiling Isles new things smell old.
Yep.
Put it on.
Hide your ears.
[chuckles.]
Wanna keep you under wraps till the big reveal.
Oh, a showman.
I totally get it.
You bring the razzle, I'll bring the dazzle.
Do you always have confetti on you or [screaming.]
That's my alarm.
Uh, we better get going.
See you after school, Willow.
Bye, friend.
Be safe.
[Luz.]
Make good choices.
Oh, Gus.
I hope you know what you're doing.
I'm trying to protect her.
Hexside chews up anything you need and spits out bland mush.
- I chew insects.
- [insects buzzing.]
I turn them into mush.
But that's my beef.
Does she need to draw her own conclusions? My beef is insects.
They are what I eat.
You just gonna be unhelpful, huh? All I know is you taught me and I turned out just fine.
[gagging.]
- [gagging continues.]
- I gotta get that girl into school.
Whoa! [grunting.]
- Hey! Give that back! - [laughing.]
Huh? Whoa! [straining.]
[sniffing.]
Trouble.
Huh? [grunts.]
No! Detention! The only thing I'm guilty of is being too real.
That's new.
Well, they kinda showed up after your last visit.
[Gus.]
They smell trouble.
Literally.
Trouble.
[chuckles.]
Okay, time to run for no particular reason.
- [grunts.]
- [clattering.]
[gasps, grunts.]
Augustus, you should really watch where you going.
Don't want the president of the H.
A.
S.
getting hurt on his last day in office.
This must be your human.
Hmm.
Looks like another witchling to me.
Psst.
Psst! Dazzle.
Oh.
[trumpets.]
Ta-da! [gasps.]
A human! Not just any human.
An expert human.
Yeah.
I've been doing this for years.
She's here to authenticate your treasures.
See you at the meeting.
Oh, no, no, no, no! They can't know I lied.
Then they'll never make me president.
Huh? [laughs.]
Ooh, Gus, I have you now.
[wind howling.]
Ugh.
I had this nightmare before.
As president of the H.
A.
S.
, I should feel bad about dunking on one of our own members.
But as a Gus I feel like doing this: Oh, oh, yeah Oh, yeah, what, oh Wow! Who got the trophy for the most bones? [sniffs.]
- [pants.]
- Whoa! We don't have time for this right now.
We gotta get to the clubroom.
Okay.
But next time you have to give me a full tour.
Yeah, next time.
[laughs.]
Ooh.
It's the abomination professor.
I should introduce myself.
Apologize for the incident.
Hey, Mr.
Abomination Professor.
[Luz.]
The "abominominator.
" Remember me? [roars.]
Oh, wouldn't you know? We certainly have time for a full tour of Hexside.
Been quite a while since I've sat here, huh? [chair squeaks.]
I gotta admit it's extra weird without you yelling at me for picking fights or stealing.
I can easily change that.
[Eda grunts.]
Ow! What are you doing here, Edalyn? [sniffs.]
I want to Prft! I want to enroll my human, Luz, at Hexside.
And before you get all judgy That's not a bad idea.
You know good Wait, really? I think the student body could learn a lot from having such an exchange student.
But before I even consider that, there's a lot to be answered for.
[thuds.]
[Eda.]
All right.
Yeah.
I heard all about that abomination incident.
Oh, I'm not talking about Luz.
I'm talking about the necrotic experiments, the graffiti, the scams, the cheating, Miss Jenkinmeyer's teeth.
The trouble you caused when you were here, Eda.
[thuds.]
Huh.
I thought there'd be more.
This is where we play the sport.
[screaming.]
- [screeching.]
- I hate this game! - [girl screams.]
- [horn blares.]
[sniffing.]
Ooh.
What's in here? [Gus.]
The Plant Homeroom.
[grunts, squeals.]
[grunts, mumbling.]
- [laughs, gags.]
- [mumbling, grunts.]
Willow, hey.
Hi.
Bye.
And this is where I spend my time.
The Illusion Track Homeroom.
[mumbling.]
[inhales deeply.]
Wait, if you're here, who is that? That's one of my illusions.
It takes notes for me when I'm not around.
[gasps, laughs.]
He doesn't always do what he's told.
Wow, Gus.
You're good.
Yeah.
I moved up a couple grades.
[screaming.]
Oh! Time for the H.
A.
S.
meeting.
[all.]
Human, human! Human, human! Human Appreciation Society [twangs.]
it is my distinct pleasure to introduce to you Oh! [Gus.]
Luz, the human.
- [squeals.]
- Such showmanship.
She's horrifying.
Luz, will you inspect the items? Of course, Mr.
President.
Allow me to determine if they're truly of my realm's origin.
Stop! - [grunts.]
- [all gasp.]
Don't make another move, human.
I have something to say.
I'm new here at Hexside.
M-Making friends has been hard so I lied.
- They're all fakes.
- [gasps.]
I thought if I was important enough people would like me.
But I've caused enough drama.
So, I'll go.
I'm sorry.
Hey, man.
It's okay.
You're only human.
Well, you know what I mean.
Mattholomule, you aren't alone.
You have a place here in the H.
A.
S.
- You're not alone.
- We admire your honesty.
- You're one of us.
- Thanks, guys.
I knew you'd understand.
[grunts.]
I don't wanna do this! There's the whiny rebel teen I remember.
You'll need this to clean up all the hexed graffiti you left us.
Good luck.
Meh! [grunts.]
Thanks for coming.
Come back soon.
[mumbling.]
Hey, Augustus, Luz, thank you for being so forgiving.
We've all been the new kid before.
- Right, Gus? - Yeah.
Well, I just have one thing to say [door bangs open.]
There she is! She's the intruder.
[sniffing.]
Trouble.
No, it's fine.
The ban's been lifted.
Tell 'em, Gus.
[screams.]
Gus! Tell them.
Oh, who's the liar now, Augustus? [growls.]
Maybe I've been too hard on Gus.
[laughs.]
I mean, what trouble could they get into? - [Luz.]
Help! - Huh? [Luz screams.]
- I don't even learn here.
- Luz! Where are you taking me? Detention.
Oh.
That won't be so bad, right? - [growling.]
- [screams.]
I can't believe you two fell for that.
Like I'd actually apologize.
What did you do? Ah, boo-hoo.
I'm sorry.
I am the new kid.
I want friends.
Ha! No.
I want power.
And I want drama.
And I got one of those right now.
So, what are you gonna do, Mr.
President? Executive action.
Ow! [screams, rings.]
But I didn't pull the alarm.
It was Augustus.
[Mattholomule.]
Are you even listening to me? I demand justice.
[growling.]
[both grunt.]
- Wait! - [growling.]
Hey! Get me outta here.
Open up! Luz.
Gus, you said the ban was lifted.
Well, I - [rumbling.]
- [grunting.]
- [groaning.]
- [screams.]
[shattering.]
[groans.]
[groans.]
[strains.]
There.
The girls' changing room is ghost-free.
Are you ready to give up? You've barely scratched the surface.
[growls.]
No, like this.
[gasps.]
Oh.
[chuckles.]
Wow.
Friendship is the real magic.
They're just as bad as Luz.
She'd love it here.
All right.
What's next, Bumpikins? [grunts.]
- [growling.]
- How is this detention? This is a death sentence.
I don't know.
I've never been in detention before.
Welcome to my world.
Believe it or not, in my old school I was in detention plenty of times.
That isn't hard to believe.
You're kind of a jerk.
Well, down in detention, this jerk is king.
So, if you wanna get out, you better do exactly what I say.
But first, before anything else, we gotta [yelps.]
[grunts.]
Already? [Mattholomule screams.]
Mattholomule! You lied to me.
You lied about the ban.
Why? I was afraid.
I acted stupid.
Yes, you did.
Being younger than everyone is hard.
You're overlooked.
Ignored.
But at the H.
A.
S.
I mattered.
I could make sure no one would ever get left behind.
I didn't wanna lose that.
I'm sorry.
I get it.
I just wish you told me the truth.
[snakes hissing.]
[hissing.]
Let me make it up to you, Luz.
I've got a plan.
- [hissing.]
- [yelps.]
Ya! I'm in.
Where do we start? By leaving no one behind.
- [grunts.]
- [Luz screams.]
[both grunt.]
[Principal Bump.]
You will be a good student.
I will be a good student.
[grunts, straining.]
You know, it didn't taste as bad as I thought it would.
Oh, you're a witch.
Do magic.
Oh, I'll use magic.
[squeaks.]
Human magic.
[grunts.]
Am I a good student? [strains.]
Oh, gosh.
He's so little.
[hissing.]
This is part of the plan, right? Or the illusion of a plan.
[hissing.]
[hissing.]
A genius and a wordsmith.
[both grunting.]
[both straining.]
[hissing.]
[grunts.]
We're gonna have to bust down the door.
Right behind you.
[hissing.]
- [both screaming.]
- [hissing.]
[both screaming.]
[straining.]
[Eda.]
I washed off all the graffiti.
Apologized to Jenkinmeyer for stealing her teeth.
Caught all the wild cerebi.
Ah, we should be good.
It will be very exciting to have a real human exchange student.
And you won't tell the Emperor's Coven about this, will you? No.
Hexside school is safe for you both.
I'm the principal, not a stooge.
Consider your pupil our pupil.
[banging.]
[both panting.]
Eda? Guess who got you into Hexside? - What? - [hissing.]
[screams.]
Uh, sorry, Principal Bump.
Sir.
What did you do? Ugh, kid.
To think that any student of yours would be capable of doing anything but create chaos [Principal Bump.]
Eda, take your student and leave.
You are both banned from this campus.
[grunts.]
Come on, kid.
Let's go.
Wait, Principal Bump.
Don't blame Luz.
I told her the ban was lifted.
We were fighting over the Human Appreciation Society.
I brought Luz in because I wanted to win.
This is all my fault.
If that's so, Augustus, would you be willing to accept her punishment as your own? Yes, Principal Bump.
I would.
- Huh.
Dang, dweebus.
- Very well.
In light of that, barring any more trouble, you shall officially - be enrolled in Hexside School next semester.
-[gasps.]
Uh, hold on.
Hold on.
I'm only doing this because I have faith in you.
And I know you're too smart to fall for that One-Witch, One-Coven nonsense.
You can learn a lot from the witches here.
And maybe teach them some of that Bad Girl Coven magic too.
I didn't hear that.
As for you, I would be saying detention right now but that seems to be out of order.
So, as of now, I'm removing you from the Human Appreciation Society.
Does that make me president? Impressive.
Still alive.
- Yes, I suppose you are.
- [clatters.]
Yes! Now, with that accomplished, Eda, we have some paperwork to fill out.
Wait! I gotta do more stuff? Ugh! You better enjoy this place, kid.
Wanna finish off that tour? I can show you guys what plants not to touch in the greenhouse.
And then I can let you touch them.
Yeah! Let's go.
[all laughing.]
Hey! Wait.
Take me.
I'm your president.
Oh.
Come on.
Why can't you remember Why can't you remember me? Oh, no, no, no Yeah Why can't you remember Why can't you remember me? Oh, no Ooh-oh-ooh-oh-ooh Ooh, yeah Wow! Bump was not exaggerating.
You were a terrible student.