The Paynes (2018) s01e09 Episode Script
The World Wide Payne
1 [RAPPING.]
Chillin' in a chicken coop eating chicken noodle soup Bars! I think I'm on fire just like the dryer Bars! MC Ryan.
Hey.
So, did you order the parts? Most of them.
Some of them you're going to have to order online.
Okay, well go ahead and order them for me.
With what? The computer.
That don't work.
Well, then use yours.
Okay.
I was busy.
Yeah.
Can I have your credit card? - I'm not giving you my credit card.
- Why not? Because you probably steal.
Stop it.
What, I'm not giving it to you.
All right, well order it yourself.
Okay, I will.
- Okay, go for it.
- Well, go away.
All right.
All right, go on.
About to order up these parts, bars.
Order up these parts with bars.
Are you gonna use the computer? I'm not gonna use your computer.
- Why? - Because you may capture my number and try to use it and hack me.
Fine, I tried to help you.
I'll do it myself.
- Okay, go for it.
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
Thank you, Mr.
Rap-a-lot.
Well, you need to go ahead and order the parts tonight because they may take up to three weeks to get here.
Three weeks? Yeah.
We can't wait that long.
I got to open this place way before that.
Have you looked at this place? What about it? There's no way you're getting this place opened in three weeks, Uncle Curtis.
I'm getting this place open.
No, you're not, especially if you don't order those parts.
- I will.
- Okay.
Thank you.
- You're w - Thank you.
- Yea - Stop talking when I talk.
[MUMBLES.]
Don't talk when I talk.
- Shut up.
- A-da-da.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[RUBS HANDS TOGETHER.]
Um Why are you standing over me? Cause you don't know how to do it, do you? Who do you think I am? I know exactly who you are? That's why I know you don't know how to do it.
You don't believe me, just watch.
Okay, Sumo Mars.
I don't believe you, and I'm watching.
Where you going? To a little town called mind your business.
[KEYS JINGLE.]
Hey, - where's Ella? - In the kitchen.
Hey.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey, babe.
Nobody talking to you.
Cousin.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey, baby.
- How are you? - Curtis, what is it? I just need to talk to you real quick, babe.
Uh, Curtis, I'm already talking.
I know, baby, I know, but I just need to talk to you.
What is it? What is it? In private.
Go ahead, we family.
Please remember that.
Curtis, please, please, please.
- Babe, it's not gonna take long.
- Curtis.
Curtis, Joann and I are in a meeting about the rec center.
- Baby, it's not gonna take long.
- Are you sick? - Are you dying? - Yes.
Sick I know you've been, but dying I don't want you to do.
Okay.
Baby.
- Please come on.
- Curtis.
The longer it takes you to leave, the longer this meeting is gonna be.
Okay, - I'm gonna go then.
- Okay, well.
This is it, this your last chance.
I can do it myself.
- Okay.
- Can you show me the [CLEARS THROAT.]
[SIGHS.]
Hey, Lynn.
Little Lynn.
Yolo, hello.
Whatcha doing? - Homework.
- Oh, that's good.
- Like we're always doing.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Hey, Kenny, I didn't see you over there, hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hello.
- Sup.
Sup.
You good? What is up with you? Nothing, nothing, nothing.
You don't ever ask if I'm good.
I think it's about time I tried, started.
I'm fine, dude.
Okay, dude.
Do, do, do, do, do Okay, okay, okay.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hey, hey, Kenny.
What? I'm so tired, man.
Been at that laundromat.
You think you could turn this on for me, man? Really? Too tired to press the button? I'm too tired to reach it.
You just push that.
What color is it? What? The button, what color's the button? They change the color? You don't know how to turn it on? Dude, please, dude.
I know what I'm doing, dude.
Okay, dude.
Well, I'm busy, so go on and do it.
Boy, I tell you.
I tell you what.
When people live in your house for free, it seems like they would show some respect.
Like the Bible said Liveth for free, giveth respect.
And, that's the New Testament.
So, what you're saying is if I don't walk all the way over there, and turn on the computer for you, that's right in front of you, I'm being rude.
[SCOFFS.]
You know what, you got some nerve.
You know what, I'll do it.
Thank you.
It's not like it's hard, you know.
Let me pull it up, I'm gonna pull it up.
- Thank you.
- Yes.
- So sweet.
- No, you sweet.
- Thank you.
- You the one sweet.
And, that's it right there.
- That.
- That's what, that's all I ask.
That's all I ask.
- I knew that was it, but I - Mm-hmm, yeah, that's it.
Now, can I please, can I please go back to my homework? Yes, ma'am, you may.
And, I'm sorry.
- Okay.
- Cute little Lynn.
So sweet.
Sweet Lynn.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hey, sweet Lynn? Sweet Lynn? - Yes? - Can I see you? Can I see you for a minute real quick? Uh Could you come here? Just come here, please.
- What's wrong with him?! - I have no idea, but he is working on my last nerves.
Mine, too.
[SHARPLY.]
What is it now? Oh, by the way, I want to say thank you - when you helped me before last time.
- Yeah, yeah.
It was so cool of you.
Yeah, can I? No, I need you.
Now, you show some respect now.
- Come on, now.
- Sorry, what is it now Sir? I don't know about that one, okay.
Okay.
Hey, you ever heard of w-w-w? What? Look, can you just put this in the address for me? Whoa, hold up.
Address? Yes.
It is not like you're calling it an Uber.
A what? You better say taxi so he gets it.
Never mind.
- Go back to your homework.
- Okay.
Sweet Lynn.
You know what, I'll just do this myself.
Okay, what's next? Let me see, so many buttons.
This thing can not be that difficult.
- Bye, Curtis.
- Bye, Joann.
Whoo, I never thought this place would turn out to look so good.
Are y'all done with the meeting? Yeah.
Where's Ella? In the kitchen.
Bye, Curtis.
- Thank you.
- Bye, cousin.
Bye, cousin.
Why you ask her where I am? I'm right here.
- What's up babe? - Hey, babe.
What is so important? Oh, nothing.
Good, Curtis.
Now, hey, I need you to help me with this.
With what, baby? I need to order something before the close of business today.
Okay, Curtis, go on and do it.
Babe, we got to do it on the Internet.
Oh, you don't know how to do it.
You know I know how to do it.
- Watch this, watch this, watch this, watch this.
- Curtis.
Mm.
Pass me that cup, pass me that cup.
- What's that? She wasting coffee? - Curtis.
Okay.
Curtis, how many times have I tried to show you how to do this? A lot.
And, how many times have you kept saying, "I'm too busy, Ella, I'm too busy right now.
I can't learn how to do this.
" - Oh, that's way too much.
- No, I'm sounding like you.
No, you sound like the cookie monster.
- Hey, I'm not busy now.
- Okay, Curtis, come on.
This is easy.
All right, you see that line right there.
- You see that line right there.
- Yeah, this one? - Mm-hmm.
Now type in - This one or this one? - That one.
- Okay.
Now, type that line into this line right here.
Okay.
- Where, right here? - Press Enter.
Enter, okay.
Where's that? The Return button, baby.
Okay, okay, hold up, hold up.
You gotta talk to me like old school type of class, baby.
Okay, left hand on 10, right hand on 2.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Don't tell me to press Enter if it says Return.
10 and 2.
[BUTTON CLICKS.]
Curtis, just press any key to turn it back on.
I don't see "Any key", Ella.
I see Backspace.
I see Shift.
Any key, any key, any key.
Oh.
Baby, it's not that hard, okay.
Nothing happened.
Look, Curtis, I don't know what to tell you.
That's cause you don't know what you're doing.
What are you talking about? You don't know what you're doing.
Curtis, I went back to school after all those years.
I know how to use a computer.
Well, ain't nothing happening.
Well, because you must've done something wrong, baby.
No, it's my instructor.
Well, I don't know what's wrong.
Because you don't know what you're doing.
- This is for the laundromat, right? - Yes.
Well, why didn't you have Ryan help you with this? He wanted to.
Well, why didn't you let him, baby? Because he wanted access to my credit card.
Well, Curtis, why didn't you give him the access to your credit card? He is the manager.
He ain't managing nothing.
We ain't even open yet.
Cause it's his job.
It's your job to help and support me.
Curtis, what do you call me showing you how to put the Internet in and put the website in? I put websites in all the time, Ella.
What website? Booties, baby.
Big booties.
Curtis, I know you're not on here looking at porn.
Nope.
Uh-huh.
Uh What are you talking about? It's just booties.
Just booties.
Okay, did you erase the history? What for? Baby, cause I don't want the kids to see this, pull this up.
Ain't nothing on the screen.
Curtis, these kids know how to pull up web history.
What's that? No, no, no, no, no.
Move, move, move, move, move.
Oh, so now you want to, now you want to act like Really, really? Curtis.
There it is.
Wha [LAUGHS.]
Curtis, what is all of this? How did you pull all that up? - Curtis.
- Hello.
Big booties.
You heard? - Little bootie bandit.
- Watch yourself.
Black stallion bootie.
And, the twerk bootie.
Baby, wait, you got to see her.
Rewind that.
Curtis.
You got to see, that's the one I was trying to get you to do.
Curtis.
You remember that night.
You know what, mm-hmm.
- Girl, what did you do? - I erased your history.
- Why'd you do that? - Curtis, because these kids can pull this up.
They know this technology stuff.
- Kids can't do nothing with that.
- Yes, they do.
Look.
Lynn.
Yes.
Yes, ma'am.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Come here.
Come here, babe.
Step up.
What are you doing? I'm doing the bootie twerk that I saw on the Internet.
Want to see it? Listen, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Stop that, baby.
Stop doing that.
You see this, Curtis? - Oh, baby, they find it like that? - Yes, yes, and you are not to go on and do that anymore, Curtis.
My bad.
These kids know how to do everything.
- I guess so.
- No, no, now you come on out here and let's talk about this twerking.
You're gonna show me how to do it? You know, there's one I really, really want to learn.
I wasn't able to see it, but this is how it went.
You stop it.
I'm gonna show you how not to do it.
She can do it.
She can really do it.
She's gonna show you how to do it.
Hey.
- What? - Hold on.
- What, man? - Come on, come over here, come over here.
I need you.
Look, I'm not in the mood for your games, partner.
Why are you kids so mean? [SIGHS.]
Okay, okay, what is it? I need your help.
I need to order something on the Internet.
Yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
How much you pay now? The same free room and board I've been paying you.
I got you, I got you.
- Where's your card? - Ha! - You ain't going - Just give it to me? Okay.
Done.
Done just like that? Yeah, yeah.
Can I go now? Please.
Chillin' in a chicken coop eating chicken noodle soup Bars! I think I'm on fire just like the dryer Bars! MC Ryan.
Hey.
So, did you order the parts? Most of them.
Some of them you're going to have to order online.
Okay, well go ahead and order them for me.
With what? The computer.
That don't work.
Well, then use yours.
Okay.
I was busy.
Yeah.
Can I have your credit card? - I'm not giving you my credit card.
- Why not? Because you probably steal.
Stop it.
What, I'm not giving it to you.
All right, well order it yourself.
Okay, I will.
- Okay, go for it.
- Well, go away.
All right.
All right, go on.
About to order up these parts, bars.
Order up these parts with bars.
Are you gonna use the computer? I'm not gonna use your computer.
- Why? - Because you may capture my number and try to use it and hack me.
Fine, I tried to help you.
I'll do it myself.
- Okay, go for it.
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
Thank you, Mr.
Rap-a-lot.
Well, you need to go ahead and order the parts tonight because they may take up to three weeks to get here.
Three weeks? Yeah.
We can't wait that long.
I got to open this place way before that.
Have you looked at this place? What about it? There's no way you're getting this place opened in three weeks, Uncle Curtis.
I'm getting this place open.
No, you're not, especially if you don't order those parts.
- I will.
- Okay.
Thank you.
- You're w - Thank you.
- Yea - Stop talking when I talk.
[MUMBLES.]
Don't talk when I talk.
- Shut up.
- A-da-da.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[RUBS HANDS TOGETHER.]
Um Why are you standing over me? Cause you don't know how to do it, do you? Who do you think I am? I know exactly who you are? That's why I know you don't know how to do it.
You don't believe me, just watch.
Okay, Sumo Mars.
I don't believe you, and I'm watching.
Where you going? To a little town called mind your business.
[KEYS JINGLE.]
Hey, - where's Ella? - In the kitchen.
Hey.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey, babe.
Nobody talking to you.
Cousin.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey, baby.
- How are you? - Curtis, what is it? I just need to talk to you real quick, babe.
Uh, Curtis, I'm already talking.
I know, baby, I know, but I just need to talk to you.
What is it? What is it? In private.
Go ahead, we family.
Please remember that.
Curtis, please, please, please.
- Babe, it's not gonna take long.
- Curtis.
Curtis, Joann and I are in a meeting about the rec center.
- Baby, it's not gonna take long.
- Are you sick? - Are you dying? - Yes.
Sick I know you've been, but dying I don't want you to do.
Okay.
Baby.
- Please come on.
- Curtis.
The longer it takes you to leave, the longer this meeting is gonna be.
Okay, - I'm gonna go then.
- Okay, well.
This is it, this your last chance.
I can do it myself.
- Okay.
- Can you show me the [CLEARS THROAT.]
[SIGHS.]
Hey, Lynn.
Little Lynn.
Yolo, hello.
Whatcha doing? - Homework.
- Oh, that's good.
- Like we're always doing.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Hey, Kenny, I didn't see you over there, hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hello.
- Sup.
Sup.
You good? What is up with you? Nothing, nothing, nothing.
You don't ever ask if I'm good.
I think it's about time I tried, started.
I'm fine, dude.
Okay, dude.
Do, do, do, do, do Okay, okay, okay.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hey, hey, Kenny.
What? I'm so tired, man.
Been at that laundromat.
You think you could turn this on for me, man? Really? Too tired to press the button? I'm too tired to reach it.
You just push that.
What color is it? What? The button, what color's the button? They change the color? You don't know how to turn it on? Dude, please, dude.
I know what I'm doing, dude.
Okay, dude.
Well, I'm busy, so go on and do it.
Boy, I tell you.
I tell you what.
When people live in your house for free, it seems like they would show some respect.
Like the Bible said Liveth for free, giveth respect.
And, that's the New Testament.
So, what you're saying is if I don't walk all the way over there, and turn on the computer for you, that's right in front of you, I'm being rude.
[SCOFFS.]
You know what, you got some nerve.
You know what, I'll do it.
Thank you.
It's not like it's hard, you know.
Let me pull it up, I'm gonna pull it up.
- Thank you.
- Yes.
- So sweet.
- No, you sweet.
- Thank you.
- You the one sweet.
And, that's it right there.
- That.
- That's what, that's all I ask.
That's all I ask.
- I knew that was it, but I - Mm-hmm, yeah, that's it.
Now, can I please, can I please go back to my homework? Yes, ma'am, you may.
And, I'm sorry.
- Okay.
- Cute little Lynn.
So sweet.
Sweet Lynn.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hey, sweet Lynn? Sweet Lynn? - Yes? - Can I see you? Can I see you for a minute real quick? Uh Could you come here? Just come here, please.
- What's wrong with him?! - I have no idea, but he is working on my last nerves.
Mine, too.
[SHARPLY.]
What is it now? Oh, by the way, I want to say thank you - when you helped me before last time.
- Yeah, yeah.
It was so cool of you.
Yeah, can I? No, I need you.
Now, you show some respect now.
- Come on, now.
- Sorry, what is it now Sir? I don't know about that one, okay.
Okay.
Hey, you ever heard of w-w-w? What? Look, can you just put this in the address for me? Whoa, hold up.
Address? Yes.
It is not like you're calling it an Uber.
A what? You better say taxi so he gets it.
Never mind.
- Go back to your homework.
- Okay.
Sweet Lynn.
You know what, I'll just do this myself.
Okay, what's next? Let me see, so many buttons.
This thing can not be that difficult.
- Bye, Curtis.
- Bye, Joann.
Whoo, I never thought this place would turn out to look so good.
Are y'all done with the meeting? Yeah.
Where's Ella? In the kitchen.
Bye, Curtis.
- Thank you.
- Bye, cousin.
Bye, cousin.
Why you ask her where I am? I'm right here.
- What's up babe? - Hey, babe.
What is so important? Oh, nothing.
Good, Curtis.
Now, hey, I need you to help me with this.
With what, baby? I need to order something before the close of business today.
Okay, Curtis, go on and do it.
Babe, we got to do it on the Internet.
Oh, you don't know how to do it.
You know I know how to do it.
- Watch this, watch this, watch this, watch this.
- Curtis.
Mm.
Pass me that cup, pass me that cup.
- What's that? She wasting coffee? - Curtis.
Okay.
Curtis, how many times have I tried to show you how to do this? A lot.
And, how many times have you kept saying, "I'm too busy, Ella, I'm too busy right now.
I can't learn how to do this.
" - Oh, that's way too much.
- No, I'm sounding like you.
No, you sound like the cookie monster.
- Hey, I'm not busy now.
- Okay, Curtis, come on.
This is easy.
All right, you see that line right there.
- You see that line right there.
- Yeah, this one? - Mm-hmm.
Now type in - This one or this one? - That one.
- Okay.
Now, type that line into this line right here.
Okay.
- Where, right here? - Press Enter.
Enter, okay.
Where's that? The Return button, baby.
Okay, okay, hold up, hold up.
You gotta talk to me like old school type of class, baby.
Okay, left hand on 10, right hand on 2.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
Don't tell me to press Enter if it says Return.
10 and 2.
[BUTTON CLICKS.]
Curtis, just press any key to turn it back on.
I don't see "Any key", Ella.
I see Backspace.
I see Shift.
Any key, any key, any key.
Oh.
Baby, it's not that hard, okay.
Nothing happened.
Look, Curtis, I don't know what to tell you.
That's cause you don't know what you're doing.
What are you talking about? You don't know what you're doing.
Curtis, I went back to school after all those years.
I know how to use a computer.
Well, ain't nothing happening.
Well, because you must've done something wrong, baby.
No, it's my instructor.
Well, I don't know what's wrong.
Because you don't know what you're doing.
- This is for the laundromat, right? - Yes.
Well, why didn't you have Ryan help you with this? He wanted to.
Well, why didn't you let him, baby? Because he wanted access to my credit card.
Well, Curtis, why didn't you give him the access to your credit card? He is the manager.
He ain't managing nothing.
We ain't even open yet.
Cause it's his job.
It's your job to help and support me.
Curtis, what do you call me showing you how to put the Internet in and put the website in? I put websites in all the time, Ella.
What website? Booties, baby.
Big booties.
Curtis, I know you're not on here looking at porn.
Nope.
Uh-huh.
Uh What are you talking about? It's just booties.
Just booties.
Okay, did you erase the history? What for? Baby, cause I don't want the kids to see this, pull this up.
Ain't nothing on the screen.
Curtis, these kids know how to pull up web history.
What's that? No, no, no, no, no.
Move, move, move, move, move.
Oh, so now you want to, now you want to act like Really, really? Curtis.
There it is.
Wha [LAUGHS.]
Curtis, what is all of this? How did you pull all that up? - Curtis.
- Hello.
Big booties.
You heard? - Little bootie bandit.
- Watch yourself.
Black stallion bootie.
And, the twerk bootie.
Baby, wait, you got to see her.
Rewind that.
Curtis.
You got to see, that's the one I was trying to get you to do.
Curtis.
You remember that night.
You know what, mm-hmm.
- Girl, what did you do? - I erased your history.
- Why'd you do that? - Curtis, because these kids can pull this up.
They know this technology stuff.
- Kids can't do nothing with that.
- Yes, they do.
Look.
Lynn.
Yes.
Yes, ma'am.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Come here.
Come here, babe.
Step up.
What are you doing? I'm doing the bootie twerk that I saw on the Internet.
Want to see it? Listen, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Stop that, baby.
Stop doing that.
You see this, Curtis? - Oh, baby, they find it like that? - Yes, yes, and you are not to go on and do that anymore, Curtis.
My bad.
These kids know how to do everything.
- I guess so.
- No, no, now you come on out here and let's talk about this twerking.
You're gonna show me how to do it? You know, there's one I really, really want to learn.
I wasn't able to see it, but this is how it went.
You stop it.
I'm gonna show you how not to do it.
She can do it.
She can really do it.
She's gonna show you how to do it.
Hey.
- What? - Hold on.
- What, man? - Come on, come over here, come over here.
I need you.
Look, I'm not in the mood for your games, partner.
Why are you kids so mean? [SIGHS.]
Okay, okay, what is it? I need your help.
I need to order something on the Internet.
Yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
How much you pay now? The same free room and board I've been paying you.
I got you, I got you.
- Where's your card? - Ha! - You ain't going - Just give it to me? Okay.
Done.
Done just like that? Yeah, yeah.
Can I go now? Please.