The Wild Wild West (1965) s01e09 Episode Script

Mr.
Parnell, will you take a look? You dirt-livered sprawl of rat-backs! Back with me now.
You gutless lot of tea-boilers! Get back to work! Oh, run now, you worm-livered garbles! Push, Mike McGreavy.
Sainted mother of God.
Cassidy, Denysen, Gwenyth and poor Danny there.
Oh, it's a terrible thing.
Three days, and each day, five more men slaughtered down.
You heathen savages! Mike, go fetch a burial crew from Menifee.
That I'll be doing.
Mr.
Parnell, now, the threats that five more men will be killed each day until the money's been paid these savages So now, the men are already dead.
Four only.
No man'll be coming back here again, seeing as he might make the fifth man.
Those four men were my friends, each and all.
Tell those men to return here.
They're going to work here or I myself will murder five times five.
I was only after asking.
Enough of asking and get moving.
That I'll be doing.
And cloth! Bring cloth for winding sheets! Meantime, I'll be cutting these lads down.
No friend of mine is going to be buried with a heathen's arrow in him.
Oh, Mr.
Parnell, indeed.
And that's the fifth man, at that.
The noble red man.
Hey, I have to look the part, don't I? I mean, the once proud Indian brought low by the white man's vices.
I hate to clip your feathers, Artemus, but please, just look the part.
Restrain yourself.
No whiskey, no women.
All right, if that's how- How- just information.
I want you to get the feel of the situation.
The railroad's been stopped for over a week.
Yeah, from the reports, I gather the men are scared, ready to quit.
Not illogical, you know.
Five of them killed every day for a week now.
Frankly, sir, I advise payment.
$500,000? Tennyson, you'll never own a railroad.
Too spendthrift.
The railroad doesn't want to pay.
The government doesn't want to pay blood money to a bunch of murderers who, by every indication, may be a band of Cheyenne.
I thought Indians didn't use money.
They don't, except to buy arms.
Uh-oh.
Mm-hmm.
That's why Washington has sent us brave gents here to find the killers, round them up and get the railroad moving again.
In how long? One week.
One week? Well, here's to sin.
And salvation.
Artemus.
Menifee's straight ahead two miles right through those woods.
It's a shortcut.
Oh, thanks.
Be careful.
I don't think the townspeople are too fond of Indians.
Me no Cheyenne, me tame Indian.
Tennyson! Sir? We're coming into Menifee.
It's a bit sparse, sir, isn't it? You're on the wrong side of the track.
Oh.
Not sure I don't prefer the other side, sir.
Jim.
General Ball.
Ah! A man and a half, huh, Jim? A funny thing, you know.
The flesh and bone are healed in that, but sometimes I actually feel that missing hand is still there.
It itches.
But a man is more than one hand and a piece of arm, isn't he? I couldn't agree with you more, sir.
Especially a man like you, General.
Well, thank you, Jim.
You know, I'm your contact out here.
That's first rate, sir.
I don't see why we're standing here grinning like a couple of fools.
This is not going to be all pelt and hurrah.
At least we're working together again, sir.
That's right, that's right, Jim.
I got problems out here.
The men behind this railroad.
Never could stand politicians and these are Wall Street politicians- the worst kind.
What kind of problems? Well, you come and meet 'em, find out.
Gentleman, this is Captain Jim West.
Mr.
Adamson, Mr.
Penrose.
Gentlemen.
All right, West, you're the miracle-maker.
How do you propose to solve our headache? My way.
When? Soon.
I fear thee you've stuck a tartar, Benjamin.
Are thee truly so confident, friend West? This railroad, sir, is an important commercial venture, true- but to the Union, an absolute necessity.
I plan to stop these killings or become one of the victims.
Ah! Words, promises.
We've had all those.
What we need now is action.
Those Indians want $500,000.
In gold.
It's outrageous.
They demanded payment of a fee for protection against these killings.
So I've been informed.
Pay for protection against their own crimes, or else they'll stop the building of the whole railroad.
They're scalawags.
Scalawags, yes, but Indians? Behind anything as well-planned as this sort of extortion? This Cheyenne chief is an unusual man, Jim.
He goes by the name of American Knife.
He's quite civilized enough to know the value of gold.
Actually, civilized is not the proper word.
Cunning would be more appropriate.
And arrogant.
He's demanded payment of the gold cast in the form of railroad spikes.
It's true, friend Ball, he is cunning.
But gold attracts greed.
But disguised as railroad spikes, it can be brought here secretly.
We've already caused the gold to be cast.
It will be shipped here from Chicago.
I have told you- you pay a ransom once, you'll pay it a dozen times.
We asked the government for troops and they send us one man.
The government cannot supply enough troops to patrol a thousand miles of track, and Captain West is not just one man.
I'm sure you'll find him more effective than a good number of troops.
You've seen his record.
Yes, we have, and it's good.
But tell me, friend West, will thee gamble the lives of five men each day on thyself? Let me put it this way, Mr.
Penrose- I believe you build a railroad, not bribe it into existence.
I'll gamble my life and try to protect the others.
How? To begin with, an armed guard for every track-laying gang.
I can arrange that.
Meanwhile, I'll look for the killers.
Do you have a lead on the Cheyenne? Led by American Knife? You might as well try to nail smoke on the wall.
Let me have three days to make my play.
Three days? Possibly 15 men.
Possibly.
I say no.
I say yes.
Give friend West his chance.
All right.
Three days.
Then I better not waste any of it.
Good day, gentlemen.
We'll expect regular reports, mind you.
Of course, Mr.
Adamson.
Every three days.
Sheila Parnell, lass.
I don't think you should be going into a place like this.
And you, Mike McGreavy and Demmett McCafferty, and Peter Connelly.
I been hearing what you've been saying all over town.
Now, Miss Parnell, your father Ah, yes, my father barely in his grave and his dear friends lying about in this wooden hovel drinking till you can't think and telling the world a prize should be paid to his killers.
Now then, Miss Parnell, there's no call to be causing trouble.
Trouble? My father's murderers Now, lass, will you! Sir, why don't you have another drink, huh? Just a minute, buddy.
I didn't ask for you to mix in my affairs.
Wasn't gallantry, Miss Parnell.
I wanted to ask you about your father.
Oh, you do, do you? And why? Well, he was killed, blown up by three pounds of gun cotton.
Oh.
And I want to know why.
So would I.
Perhaps we could talk a bit more privately.
My pleasure.
Your place? Yes.
All right, who are you? And why are you so interested in my father's death? My name's James West and I'm here officially to investigate these killings.
Especially your father's.
Don't believe him, Sheila.
I know how Jack Parnell died- I was there.
He died violently and swiftly.
Now let his memory rest in peace.
No! Mike, I never mentioned it, but I know something.
There was a man who approached my father.
Tried to bribe him, I was listening.
And when my father refused, he threatened to kill him.
Well, now, that is interesting.
Mike McGreavy.
It's a hard world, little Sheila and you've run into part of that hardness.
Now drop your gun belt and don't reach for your gun or I'll shoot little Sheila right before your eyes.
Did you kill my father? No.
I'm employed at a handsome fee to make sure that nobody finds out who did.
Put your gun on the table.
Now open that trap door, huh? And now you're going to kill us.
Oh, no.
There's a man, he wants to speak to you, yes.
That's solid rock down there, yes.
And that door bolts on top.
Now, you'll keep very quietly down there while my, uh- Employer.
Thank you.
My employer comes to speak to you.
Now, down you go.
Mike! Don't be a fool.
Down you go.
You too, boyo.
You're fighting a losing battle, West.
I'll be back before morning.
You stupid man.
I had him distracted up there.
You could've Could've done what? This way, I'll bring the man I really want to see.
Gives us a certain measure of privacy.
They'll have to break in.
Sheila, you're going to have to trust me.
Tell me about your father.
Three nights past, late, I woke up.
My father was speaking to a man.
Who? Just a shadow of a big man.
He had an educated voice, full of refinement, and it was a cruel voice.
He wanted my father to fix the gradings so the rails would slide in the first rain.
And your father said no.
And the next day, he was dead.
I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry.
I've done my mourning.
I want my revenge.
On a shadow? Or the very unlikely Indian? An educated man.
You'll be all right, Sheila.
I have friends waiting.
It'll be a long, cold night.
We could comfort each other.
If I'm to face death tomorrow, I could use a bit of comfort this night.
Shh! What took you so long? I was busy following Mike McGreavy.
And? I lost him.
Somebody found him.
You better get out of that Indian suit.
Oh, yeah.
It's clear that the shadow, whoever he is, overheard us and learned that Sheila can't identify him.
So, he just eliminated Mike McGreavy and went on his merry way, eh? Mm-hmm, leaving us with one day gone and not much done.
Well, the work gangs are sure that the Indians are behind it- American Knife and the Cheyenne.
But with armed guards out there, they're working.
What about American Knife? Do you have any lead on him? Eh, nobody know nothing.
Tongue still, like deep water.
He's in the hills somewhere.
Nobody knows which hills.
Jim two of the girls that wait tables at the Silver Dollar are Indian.
I could talk to them, woman-to-woman.
All right, but as man to woman, be careful, huh? I will.
James, my boy, that is a nice, useful, sort of gorgeous girl.
The only kind to have for a tight situation.
Tennyson! Sir! Did you telegraph the Indian Bureau? Oh, yes, sir.
They informed me that American Knife was raised by missionaries.
They assessed him as very intelligent but most ungrateful, apparently because he left them and returned to the Cheyenne nation.
They've never forgiven him for that, sir.
But why do you want to contact this chap? I mean, if he isn't the fellow behind the fuss, as you might say.
But, Tennyson, we don't know that.
Oh, yes, we do.
Sheila said it was an educated man.
Sheila's very pretty and very charming, but I don't trust her.
Well, now when you get to be an old codger like me, you'll learn to admire and revere the fair sex as I do.
I wouldn't trust you, either.
Now, look here, you young whippersnapper, I may be an old man down on his luck, but I'm still a man of honor.
Well, maybe a little, on a cloudy day.
Now, you go out and risk it.
Go on out there and build a railroad.
He always tells me to go out and build something A mite early for that, isn't it, son? This is the way to build a railroad, old man.
I'll just relax while you, uh, fetch another load, eh? Fine, right here.
Thanks very much.
What's the story? Well, the guards are careless.
Some of them are half-drunk.
The men are scared.
Any trouble, they'd run clear back to Chicago.
Another hour, it'll be late afternoon.
I think we can expect an attack between now and dusk.
Well, I join you, Captain West, in your great expectations.
How many men did you say were on that rail car? Five.
Are you all right? Oh, go on, go on without me.
You'll miss all the fun.
Captain West, I presume.
The Cheyenne welcome you.
Sit down, please.
As you have probably discerned, I am American Knife, the medicine man of this little group.
Harvard.
Good heavens, no.
Dartmouth.
I see.
Tell me, as a medicine man, did you take your degree in science? Philosophy.
An insatiable curiosity over the strange customs of the savage white man.
For example, his religious practices in the use of scapegoats.
This is the reason you were picked up.
I I would like a favor, Captain West.
Such as? Speaking of scapegoats, the Cheyenne are being used as such.
Blamed for the attacks on your railroad.
My people are innocent, and I do not want them forced into a hopeless war.
You're the first scapegoat I've seen with a tomahawk.
Come.
Care for a cheap scalp? He's white.
Well, dirty white.
What can I do? Grant us amnesty.
We will come into any military post you designate and wait peacefully until the real culprits are caught.
It's a deal.
Just like that? Well, why not? I know you're innocent.
You are embarrassing me, Captain West.
Some of my people are traditionalist.
They simply insist on your being tortured to prove your willingness to help us.
Mmm.
I, uh, I understand your predicament.
I knew you'd see the problem.
But we should be able to arrive at a creative solution.
I promise to be as painless as possible.
Yeah.
I am called Little Willow.
Don't tell me you're the tribal torturer- the torturess.
Yes.
The angry ones of my people demand that you be tested with pain.
American Knife choose me.
N-Now you seem to be an intelligent girl.
Not superstitious.
Mmm.
You smell interesting.
You smell different.
So do you.
Uh, is-is this torture really necessary? Only a little.
They wish to hear you scream.
You scream good.
Very good.
It would be sad thing to mark you with knife cuts.
A waste.
Oh, I-I hate waste.
I don't want to hurt my throat screaming.
Would a few moans be all right? Mm-hmm.
Mmm mmm You lost your disguise.
Well, wouldn't you? James?! They, uh, they, uh, softening us up to carve us up? No, no, no, they're they're friendly Indians.
Oh.
Allow me to present American Knife.
A pleasure, Mr.
Gordon.
Call me Artemus.
This is Little Willow.
Oh.
My pleasure.
She's the tribal torturer.
Masochist.
I made a deal: Amnesty in exchange for assistance.
You see, Mr.
Gordon Uh, Artemus.
Why you whites have these incomprehensible names, I will never understand.
At any rate, we are going to help you find the renegade camp.
How? I killed one.
In the interest of security, they should come back for the body.
Nice work, Artemus.
A pleasure.
Talk.
Where's your camp? Talk.
If we stick to the shadows, we might be able to mix in.
Mm-hmm.
You should have no difficulty.
All you whites look alike.
Artemus, you go that way.
I'll go around the other side.
Good luck.
Huh? Hey, what are you, a Peeping Tom or something? I'm sorry, sir.
I was just drifting through, that's all.
Hey, you a cute one.
Well, thank you.
Oh, wait a minute.
Oh, now wait.
No, no, fight Sir, I don't want to fight.
Really, I have no desire to do it.
Hey, no! And now, ma'am, if you'll excuse me.
Oh, you won me fair and square.
Uh Oh, no, really.
It wouldn't be fair to you.
I Sugar, I don't mind one bit.
Mmm Mmm Thank you, but I really have to be going.
Why, you're downright shy.
Now, we're going to catch 'em tomorrow.
And this attack should shake the gold right out of them.
We gonna leave the usual five dead calling cards? Five times five.
Now we'll hit at 4:00.
That's right, 4:00.
And remember it.
Make a note of it.
Right.
Where they coming in from? At the end of the line, where else? There'll be two parties converging- from the north and the east.
Northern party will come in right here and overrun the position.
We'll sit down right here and pick 'em off.
That's kind of risky.
Sure it's kind of risky! We're throwing every man we've got into this attack.
Well, not every man, Farrell.
We lost one today.
Don't worry, Cheeve, we'll make it work.
You bet we will.
And remember one thing, that the success of this attack depends entirely upon surprise.
I don't hear anything.
No, I think we smoked him out.
How was that? Say, I'll guarantee you that West heard every word we said.
Mmm.
An eager cuss, too, ain't he? Imagine, right up there on top of the cave.
You know, I'll bet my second-best britches he's out right now figuring out an ambush.
Jim West is too competent an officer not to take advantage of this.
He'll have every man capable of carrying a gun waiting for us.
He'll set up a first-class ambush.
Which is just fine.
We set up an ambush of our own.
Well, now that we're all present, we can get down to business.
Gentlemen, I came as soon as I got your message.
I'm sure this meeting is of the utmost importance.
It is indeed.
Well, our third day is fast drawing to a close, friend West.
And what have you accomplished? My associate, Mr.
Gordon, and I have discovered there is to be a major attack this afternoon at 4:00 at rail's end.
No! Savages! All right, we'll set up an ambush and finish off these Indians once and for all.
Fine.
Except they're not Indians.
What?! Impossible.
Is that true, Jim? It's true, I'm positive.
They're a crew of renegades.
Former raiders.
Well-armed and well-led.
Not Indians? Well that is a surprise.
Well, that's even better.
Instead of facing the whole Cheyenne nation all we have is a few outlaws, so we just lay the ambush I don't agree.
What? They're in force.
Frankly, after considering the problem, I advise paying the money.
But they have advised resistance.
Pay the money?! Why, you don't mean that, Jim.
Believe me, sir, I hate to disappoint you but we have to face facts.
We don't have the men or the arms to face any kind of a battle.
Gold, gentlemen, is much cheaper than lives.
Well, I'm well aware of that.
But to pay tribute to a band of murdering outlaws.
That's the only way, sir.
Well, I don't agree! Gentlemen.
Gentlemen, we've been prepared for this eventuality.
What, you mean you have the gold here? Yes we have the gold.
The gold has been shipped from Chicago disguised as railway spikes, as requested.
$500,000 worth.
It's a fortune.
A vast fortune, and you're ready to throw it away.
I know how you feel, General.
I agree with you.
But Mr.
West represents the government and if he advises payment And I do.
You know the method of payment? Yes.
We light a signal fire three miles west of town.
Then we send out a work train with the gold on a flatcar in front of the engine to the end of the line.
There it will be removed.
I don't like it.
I never have.
You think I do? What else could I advise? What else, indeed.
Then it's, uh, all settled, gentlemen.
It is.
We will pay.
Fine.
Gentlemen, I only have one more thing to say.
We're doing the only possible thing.
Half a million dollars, gentlemen.
That's a dangerous amount of money to place in the wrong hands.
Perfect, James, my boy.
One of your smoothest smoke screens.
Everything else all set? Naturally.
Something's not right.
Pick them up.
Uh, excuse me, sir.
Uh, there's been an accident here.
Could you give us a hand? Oh, certainly.
Easy, West.
Now, turn around real easy.
Well, here they are, boys! Five of them.
They're sure going to make handsome corpses.
You know, I think we got today's quota.
West, we're going to have to search you.
Now they tell me you're kind of tricky but I think my hand tops yours.
If you take his coat off, you'll find he's wearing a a sleeve gun.
And down the back of his coat you'll find a knife.
And in his hat a wire.
And in the heels of his boots, you'll find a breakaway derringer.
Pete.
Now ain't he the sly one? And he got a little picklock here in his lapel.
Well, what do you know? Well, let him keep that.
I don't think we have to worry about his escaping from prison, do we? No.
Good intelligence work, Farrell.
Well, thank you.
Well, he's clean.
Give him back his coat.
You murdering skunk.
You'll never get away with this! Well, I'm sure going to try.
You're nothing but a bunch of murderers! That's right.
And you keep yapping like you are and I'm going to put you right on my list! Sir, I consider that a personal affront.
Tennyson.
Now why did you do that? Prepare to defend yourself, sir.
May I have a little room, please? Hold it! What were you trying to do? Now get 'em out of here and tie 'em up.
Come on.
Sit.
Is that an order? Don't you have to wait for the top man to give you orders? You think I'm not in command? You don't have the brains.
Quite correct.
Quite astute, Jim.
That'll be all, Farrell.
They set off the signal fire, General.
Excellent.
Well, you don't seem surprised, Jim.
No.
I didn't expect you would be.
The tactics in that very professional raid you let me overhear- I remember that plan well, General.
You executed it brilliantly at Shiloh.
Ah.
You always were a clever fellow.
Why didn't you act? I needed proof.
I wasn't sure.
Only enough to feel sorry.
Sorry? Don't pass judgment so easily, Jim.
Five men killed every day.
What kind of judgment would you like, General? They took away my command when I was meant for greatness.
I thought you'd achieved it, sir.
No.
No.
I devoted my life to the Army.
I lose a hand.
Suddenly I'm less than half a man.
I spend 18 months in a hospital, rotting, and how do they reward me? With exile.
Spend the rest of my life rotting out here.
I'm five times the strategist Grant is.
Five times.
Yet he's in the White House, and I'm out here.
So now you want $500,000 worth of revenge.
Exactly.
I'm going to Mexico.
My men are good men, good fighting men.
We'll set up a state.
We'll take over the country.
And who knows where we'll go from there.
It's time, General.
The train has left Menifee.
The gold train has left Menifee.
Everything's ready, General.
Good, good.
Stand by.
All right, everybody sit up! Here's the general.
It's a fine observation point.
You'll be able to see everything from here.
I thought you were going to pick the gold up at rail's end.
That's four miles down the line.
I had to alter my plans a little, Jim, after you refused to set up an ambush.
Now, General, why would I set up an ambush only to fall into your trap? As it happens, I don't mind you've shuttled the gold out toward me, and I'm here to collect it.
You hope.
Oh, I'm sure you set up some clever little counter plot.
That's why I picked you all up, so you couldn't trigger it.
And I thought you might.
If I know you well enough, Jim, you probably filled a baggage car with armed men.
Not a bad idea.
Naturally.
So I've set explosives along the track.
We'll let the flatcar with the gold go by, and then when the baggage car comes along, we'll blow it up and your men.
Well, General, you're certainly thorough.
Yes.
It's a mark of genius.
Jackson? Yes, sir.
Jackson was a sniper with Quantrell.
First-class marksman.
There's a hundred pounds of powder down there; a case of blasting caps- one bullet the baggage car goes up, your reinforcements.
The trap is sprung, and the gold is mine.
It's a good plan.
It might work.
Yes, it will.
Watch.
Get busy with the knife.
Right.
When you hear the explosion, go for the gold.
Don't worry, General, we'll get it.
Are you getting it? I am.
What are you going to do? I have to blow up that charge before the train runs over it.
I'll be free in a minute.
Keep this.
You may need it.
Let's go.
You got him! You saved the gold! Well done, sir! Very courageous, Jim.
But very stupid.
I'm sorry, James.
I understand your problem.
It is very difficult to kill an old friend, so I thought a new friend should do it for you.
We owe thee and thy people both an apology and a debt of gratitude.
Oh, come, come.
Civilized men must stand together against the outbursts of these barbarians.
That's a peculiar accent for a Cheyenne.
Uh, Dartmouth.
Oh.
Yes.
Excuse me, sir.
A drink? Uh, no thank thee.
Fire water, sir.
Fire water and soda.
Gentlemen, I propose a toast to Captain West.
And to our half million dollars.
Oh, yes.
Hear, hear.
I would like to propose a toast, also.
To General Ball and what he once was.
And for how he'll be remembered.
Hear, hear.
Truth often has a bitter taste, but if thee can keep it down, it strengthens a man.
Have a good trip to Chicago.
Thank you.
Uh, thank you very much, sir.
Pleasant journey, gentlemen.
Thank you.
American Knife.
Hmm, I must be off, too.
But you will stop on your next trip here.
Who knows, some day you may say, "Some of my best friends are Cheyenne.
" Well, let's get this train on the road, huh? Civilization, here we come! That's for me.
Wine, women and some off-key harmonizing.
I just finished.
What? Making food.
We almost fought about it.
Until we decided that you must decide.
Irish stew? Or buffalo tongue? Unless, of course, you have the stomach for both.
Both.