Total Drama Island (2007) s01e09 Episode Script

1
LAST TIME ON TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND,
BOTH TEAMS SET OUT ON A CANOE TRIP
TO DEADLY BONEY ISLAND.
CODY HIT ON GWEN ABOUT 80 TIMES,
BUT HE MADE UP FOR I
THE LAST MARSHMALLOW WAS SET TO GO
TO EITHER IZZY OR LINDSAY.
BUT THE RCMP SWOOPED IN AND BAM!
IZZY HIGHTAILED IT OUTTA THERE.
(LAUGHS) MAN,
I KNEW THE GIRL WAS NUTS,
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS TOTALLY INSANE.
HOWEVER, ONE GOPHER MAY HAVE SECRETLY DONE SOMETHING
EVEN CRAZIER WHEN SHE BROUGHT HOME
A CREEPY STICK STATUE VOODOO THINGY
FROM THE DEADLY HAUNTED ISLAND.
WILL BETH LIVE TO REGRET HER SOUVENIR?
AND CAN MY TEETH POSSIBLY GET ANY WHITER?
FIND OUT HERE ON TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.
CHORUS: DEAR MOM AND DAD, I'M DOING FINE ♪
YOU GUYS ARE ON MY MIND ♪
YOU ASKED ME WHAT I WANTED TO BE ♪
AND NOW I THINK THE ANSWER IS PLAIN TO SEE ♪
I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
I WANT TO LIVE CLOSE TO THE SUN ♪
WELL PACK YOUR BAGS CAUSE I'VE ALREADY WON ♪
EVERYTHING TO PROVE NOTHING IN MY WAY ♪
I'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ♪
'CAUSE I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
NANA NA'NA NAANA NANA NANA NA NANA NANA NA ♪
I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
(WHISTLING I WANT TO BE FAMOUS)
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
ATTACK!
THEY'RE COMING, MAN. THEY FOUND US.
OOH. AAH! OKAY.
THAT DUDE IS REALLY STARTING TO GET ON MY LAST NERVE.
OH, WHATEVER. HE JUST LOVES RUINING OUR MORNINGS.
BETH, LINDSAY,
GO WARM UP THE SHOWER FOR ME.
NOW!
AND REMEMBER
NOW TOO HOT THIS TIME, I KNOW. (YAWNS)
WHAT'S THE HOLD-UP?
HEATHER NEEDS HER PRIVATE TIME.
HOW LONG'S "QUEENIE" GONNA BE IN THERE?
I GOT URGENT BUSINESS.
SHE COULD STILL BE A WHILE.
UGH. THAT'S IT.
I'M GOING LUMBERJACK STYLE.
(LOUDSPEAKER SQUEAKS) CHRIS: I HOPE YOU'RE READY
FOR THE MOST CHALLENGING CHALLENGE YET.
BREAKFAST IN THREE MINUTES AT THE CAMPFIRE PIT.
UM, HEATHER?
HEATHER: CAN ONE OF YOU COME IN HERE
AND LOTION MY BACK?
IT'S PEELING.
ARE YOU READY FOR TODAY'S
EXTREME MAX IMPACT CHALLENGE?
WE ARE READY! HA-HA.
INCOMING!
THIS IS BREAKFAST.
NO, BREAKFAST IS CREPES, CROISSANTS,
EVEN CHEF'S CRAPPY BURNT EGGS.
BEANS, BEANS, THEY'RE GOOD FOR YOUR HEART.
THE MORE YOU EAT, THE MORE YOU--
TODAY'S CHALLENGE IS ABOUT SURVIVAL.
WE'RE GOING HUNTING.
NOW THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.
ISN'T THAT A PAINTBALL GUN?
WHY YES, HAROLD. IT IS.
SO WE WON'T BE KILLING ANYTHING?
NEGATORY.
THIS IS THE FIRST EVER PAINTBALL DEER HUNT.
I'LL ANNOUNCE THE TEAMS ONCE WE GET INTO THE WOODS.
SO FINISH BREAKY.
(OWEN BURPS)
(SIGHS) GOT ANY MORE?
AND NOW FOR THE TEAM BREAKDOWNS.
THE KILLER BASS HUNTERS ARE
HAROLD, GEOFF, AND BRIDGETTE,
LOCKED AND LOADED WITH BASS BLUE PAINT.
AND USING ORANGE PAINT ARE THE GOPHER HUNTERS,
LESHAWNA, BETH, OWEN, LINDSAY.
WAA-HOO! THIS IS AWESOME MAN.
YOU ALSO GET THESE STYLIN' GLASSES AND WICKED CAMO CAPS.
THE REST OF YOU ARE NOW DEER.
HERE ARE YOUR ANTLERS, NOSES, AND LITTLE WHITE TAILS.
YEAH, RIGHT. I'M NOT WEARING THAT.
THERE IS NO WAY I'M A DEER.
TAKE THESE OFF AND YOUR TEAM IS TOAST.
(LAUGHS)
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
OH, NOTHING, BABY.
YOU'D BETTER BE A GOOD SHOT, TUBBY.
AT LEAST WE GET A HEAD START.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT Y'ALL, BUT I'M OUTTA HERE.
THIS MAY BE THE LAMEST THING I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE.
OH, COME ON, IT COULD BE FUN.
OKAY, CATCH YOU LATER.
I WAS SO PSYCHED TO BE A DEER.
I'M SMALL, BUT I'M QUICK.
LOTS OF PRACTICE FROM DODGING SPITBALLS IN MATH CLASS.
ARE YOU COMING?
NO, I'M GOING TO WAIT FOR LINDSAY AND BETH
AND MAKE THEM PROTECT ME FOR THE WHOLE GAME.
WOULDN'T THAT BE AGAINST THE RULES?
DO YOU SEE A RULES PERSON ANYWHERE?
WORRY ABOUT YOUR OWN FLUFFY TAILS.
AND BREAK. OKAY,
YOU DO REALIZE THAT THIS IS ALL JUST PRETEND, RIGHT,
AND THAT IT'S JUST PAINT?
SO SAY IF YOU LIKEHIT HEATHER--
WAIT. HEATHER IS A DEER?
(CHUCKLES)
CHRIS: START YOUR PAINTBALLS!
GAME ON!
ALL RIGHT! LET'S GO BAG SOME DEER!
HA-HA, I AM DOWN WITH THAT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
MASKING MY SCENT SO THE DEER DON'T SMELL ME COMING.
-TELL ME THAT ISN'T-- -PEE?
YES. YES, IT IS.
LINDSAY: EW.
I'VE GOT SOME MORE IF YOU NEED SOME.
WE'RE HUNTING OTHER CAMPERS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIDE YOUR SCENT.
YOU MEAN I COLLECTED ALL THIS PEE FOR NOTHING?
(SCREAMING)
DUDE, YOU ARE ONE SICK TICKET.
OH, MAN. WE'RE BACK TO WHERE WE STARTED
AND WE HAVEN'T SEEN ONE DEER.
(CLEARS THROAT)
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
WERE WE SUPPOSED TO COME FIND YOU?
HELLO, ALLIANCE, ANYONE?
OH, OH! ME, CAN I BE IN ONE?
YOU ALREADY ARE, LINDSAY. THAT'S THE POINT.
NOW GO FIND ME SOME BERRIES. I'M STARVING.
WOO-HOO! YEAH!
SHOULDN'T WE BE, YOU KNOW, HUNTING?
SHE IS HUNTING FOR ME.
BUT ACTUALLY, BERRIES WON'T BE ENOUGH.
GO GET ME SOME CHIPS.
IN THE FOREST?
IN THE DINING HALL, NOW.
AND NOT BARBECUE!
OKAY, HEATHER CAN BE SO BOSSY.
AND IN NATURE, HUNTERS WOULD NEVER GO FIND
FOOD FOR THE DEER.
HEATHER WON'T HEAR THIS, RIGHT?
OWEN: THE HUNTER IS A FINELY TUNED MACHINE,
HIS SENSES HEIGHTENED BY THE THRILL OF THE CHASE.
(SNIFFS)
SUDDENLY, OUR HUNTER SPOTS
A MAGNIFICENT BUCK IN A CLEARING.
IF HE'S TO SUCCEED,
THE HUNTER MUST DEMONSTRATE PATIENCE AND CONTROL.
(FARTS)
(WHISTLING)
(GASPS) WHEW.
-(DOORS SHUTS) -OW!
OWEN: THE HUNTER MOVES IN,
AWARE OF EVERY PROTON IN HIS ENVIRONMENT.
AW, CRAP!
IT'S ON, D.J.
YOUR BUTT'S A HAMBURGER, AND I'M ONE HOT BARBECUE.
(WHISTLING)
(SNIFFS)
(FLOOR CREAKS)
SO I'M RUNNING FOR MY LIFE FROM THIS PSYCHO CHEF
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT HITS ME.
I AM DOING THIS FOR HEATHER? I DON'T EVEN LIKE HER.
OWEN: YOU'RE MY BURGER NOW, D.J.
WHOA! OHH.
PSST. WHOEVER YOU ARE, GO AHEAD, SHOOT ME.
YOU CAN'T MAKE TODAY ANY SUCKIER.
YOU'RE A HUNTER. I'M A DEER.
SLIGHT FOOD-CHAIN ISSUE WITH ME SHOOTING YOU.
HOW GOES IT?
I'M SO DONE WITH THIS GAME.
WHAT HAPPENED? HAVE YOU BAGGED ANY DEER YET?
NO, BUT I DID RISK MY LIFE TO STEAL A BAG OF CHIPS.
HEATHER: WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
HERE.
I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT I HAD TO GO THROUGH TO GET THOSE.
THERE'S LIKE, 11 CHIPS LEFT.
(SNIFFING)
AND THEY'RE BARBECUE.
GO EXCHANGE THEM FOR DILL PICKLE.
-NO. -WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
I'M JUST GONNA
YEAH.
TAKE IT BACK.
NO.
TAKE IT BACK.
NO, I'M TIRED OF BEING YOUR SLAVE.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE A CHALLENGE TO COMPLETE.
OUCH!
WHOEVER YOU ARE, THIS IS SO NOT COOL!
OH!
OWEN: THE HUNTER'S COURAGE
AND DESIRE WILL NOT STOP!
YOU'RE MINE NOW, DEER.
-(CLICKING) -HUH?
UM, THE HUNTER KNOWS THA
HIS PREY WILL STAY THERE FOR A MOMENT,
PARALYZED IN,
UH, FEAR AND RESPECT.
THE DEER CANNOT BEST THE HUNTER.
HEY, DUDE, COME ON NOW.
LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS.
AHH!
WAIT, I HAVE BLUEBERRIES. SEE? OH. OH.
FOLLOW ME.
MMM, BARBECUE.
MMM, THE KING OF CHIP FLAVORS.
HUH. MMM.
-HEY, BETH. -HUH?
OH, I TOTALLY HAD HER.
WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT YOU.
WE HAVE?
ZIP IT, LINDS-IOT.
WE DECIDED TO GIVE YOU ONE LAST CHANCE.
IF YOU TAKE IT BACK, YOU CAN REJOIN OUR ALLIANCE.
TAKE BACK WHAT?
THE "N" WORD "NO."
I DON'T WANT TO TAKE IT BACK.
YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT ME.
DO YOU KNOW WHY WE KEEP LOSING CHALLENGES?
BECAUSE THEY'RE LAME AND STUPID?
NO, BECAUSE YOU'RE SO BUSY BEING MEAN
THAT YOU DON'T EVEN TRY.
NOW ALL YOU CAN THINK OF IS BOSSING US AROUND!
(GASPS)
OH, THAT'S IT!
BRING IT, DWEEB!
YOU CAN LEAVE THE HUNTER WITH LESS AMMO
THAN HE THOUGHT HE HAD.
YOU CAN THROW HIM OVER A CLIFF.
YOU CAN EVEN LEAVE HIM WITH A CASE OF TOE CRABS,
BUT YOU CANNOT BREAK HIS SPIRIT!
FRESH MEAT.
I AM GIVING YOU ONE LAST CHANCE.
WHY?
BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T WIN WITHOUT YOUR LITTLE ALLIANCE?
HEATHER: I CAN MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE HERE.
BETH: YOU ALREADY DO, MISS
"COME PUT LOTION ON MY NASTY ALLIGATOR SKIN."
WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE?
TWO HOURS OF SNEAKING AROUND IN THE WOODS,
AND I HAVEN'T SHOT A DARN THING.
WHAT KIND OF MESSED UP PERSON ACTUALLY DOES THIS FOR FUN?
HEATHER: FINE. BE ALL ALONE THEN, LOSER!
BETH: IT'S BETTER THAN WORKING FOR YOU.
HEATHER: BRING IT, DWEEB!
BETH: OHH! THAT'S IT.
OW! WHO WAS THAT?
OH, I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE GONE
TO THE OPTOMETRIST BEFORE I CAME OUT HERE.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
YOU?
GIVE ME YOUR GUN. GIVE IT!
OW! CHARLIE HORSE.
GIRL, YOU CRAZY.
IT JUST LOOKED LIKE A LOT OF FUN WHEN YOU DID IT.
HEATHER: STOP LAUGHING!
(SLURPING)
OWEN: THIS IS THE SHOT OF THE DAY.
WITH ONE PAINTBALL,
HUNTER AND PREY'S MUTUAL DESTINIES
WILL BE FULFILLED.
(FARTS)
(SNIFFS)
BEANS.
OWEN!
(FARTS)
NICE TRY, FARTICUS! YOU ALMOST HAD ME.
(FARTS)
(FARTS)
I THOUGHT IT WAS A CINCH TO WIN.
I ALMOST MADE IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH
WITHOUT BEING HIT BY A SINGLE PAINTBALL.
MMM, BERRIES.
(GROWLING)
HEY, BIG FELLA, WANT SOME BERRIES?
(ROARS)
(GRUNTING)
MMM, MMM.
GIVE ME THAT!
OH, NOW IT IS SO ON.
WHY DO YOU SMELL WORSE THAN USUAL?
IT'S OWEN'S STINK.
IT'S FOLLOWING ME AROUND LIKE MY JUVENILE RECORD.
WELL, I'M HEADING BACK.
THIS STUPID GAME MUST BE ALMOST OVER BY NOW.
YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY.
EXCUSE ME, I WAS A C.I.T. REMEMBER?
I HAVE A NATURAL SENSE OF DIRECTION.
CAMP IS THIS WAY.
NO, IT'S THAT WAY.
(CRASH)
COURTNEY: UH! OH.
VERY FUNNY. NOW LET ME GO!
HEY, PRINCESS, THIS ISN'T MY IDEA OF FUN, EITHER.
GREAT, DUNCAN.
SURE, WE COULD HAVE TAKEN THOSE LAME-O ANTLER HATS OFF,
BUT MISS COUNSELOR-IN-TRAINING
WOULD PROBABLY GO BLAB TO CHRIS
AND HAVE US DISQUALIFIED.
AND, HEY, I KIND OF LIKED IT.
NOW WHAT?
DO YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT?
(LAUGHS)
BETH: GOTCHA! LESHAWNA: GOTCHA!
BETH: YEAH! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!
THIS IS REALLY FUN.
CHRIS: ATTENTION, HUMAN WILDLIFE AND HUNTERS.
PLEASE REPORT BACK TO CAMP.
IT'S TIME TO SHOW YOUR HIDES AND TALLY UP THE SCORES.
TSK, TSK, TSK.
STEALING FROM CHEF, EATING CHIPS IN THE WOODS,
BEING MAULED BY BEARS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I SEE HERE?
I SEE A VERY UNDISCIPLINED GROUP.
I SEE A DISGRACEFUL MESS.
I SEE A MASSIVE WASTE OF PAINT PRODUCT.
AND I HAVE TO SAY
THAT WAS AWESOME!
WHEN YOU GUYS OPENED FIRE ON YOUR OWN TEAM,
WICKED T.V., GUYS.
HEY, WHERE ARE DUNCAN AND COURTNEY?
GWEN: OH, THIS IS TOO MUCH.
(LAUGHS)
DUNCAN, YOU SLY DOG, YOU.
THE GIRL CAN'T KEEP HER ANTLERS OFF ME.
OHH!
CAN'T EVEN BEND OVER.
EASY, COURTNEY.
OUR MEDICAL TENT'S REALLY ONLY EQUIPPED FOR ONE AT A TIME,
AND CODY'S PRETTY MESSED UP.
WELL, SINCE THREE MEMBERS OF THE GOPHERS
ARE DRIPPING IN PAINT--
MAKE THAT FOUR MEMBERS,
AND SOME OF THEM AREN'T EVEN DEER,
I THINK WE HAVE OUR WINNER.
(CHEERS)
CHRIS: YOU'RE OFF TO A HUNTING-CAMP SHINDIG.
-WOO! -AH.
GOPHERS,
I'LL SEE YOU AT THE CAMPFIRE CEREMONY.
AGAIN.
HEATHER: I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, TWICE IN A ROW?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE BETH GET KICKED OFF.
I JUST WISH I COULD VOTE OFF TWO CAMPERS AT ONCE.
OKAY, I KNOW I GOT MAULED BY A BEAR,
BUT I'M FEELING GOOD ABOUT THIS.
I'M A QUICK HEALER.
AND BESIDES,
HEATHER'S AS MEAN AS A SNAKE, DUDE.
HER OWN TEAM SHOT HER LIKE 18 TIMES.
THEY'LL NEVER KICK ME OFF.
WHO DID I VOTE FOR?
WELL, HEATHER'S BEEN A PAIN IN MY BUTT FROM DAY ONE.
BUT I GOT TO SAY, CODY.
YEAH, THAT CODY.
NOT SO USEFUL IN CHALLENGES ANYMORE.
I TOTALLY ADMIRE BELLE FOR STANDING UP TO HEATHER,
BUT SHE'S SO DEAD NOW.
THERE ARE ONLY SEVEN MARSHMALLOWS ON THIS PLATE.
WHEN I CALL YOUR NAME,
COME UP AND CLAIM YOUR MARSHMALLOW.
THE CAMPER--
WHO DOES NOT RECEIVE A MARSHMALLOW
MUST IMMEDIATELY RETURN TO THE DOCK OF SHAME,
CATCH THE BOAT OF LOSERS, AND LEAVE.
CAN'T WE JUST GET THIS OVER WITH?
FINE. WHATEVER. SPOIL THE MOMENT.
TRENT,
LINDSAY,
OWEN,
GWEN,
LESHAWNA,
BETH.
CAMPERS, THIS IS THE FINAL MARSHMALLOW TONIGHT.
HEATHER.
YOU ARE ALL LUCKY, OKAY? VERY LUCKY.
CODY, THE DOCK OF SHAME AWAITS, BRO.
I GUESS WE CAN HELP YOU GET THERE.
I'LL DO IT.
GWEN: BYE, CODY.
SEE YOU, BUDDY.
TAKE CARE, DUDE.
-(MUFFLED SPEECH) -BETH: I KNOW.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I STOOD UP TO HER, EITHER.
(MUFFLED SPEECH)
I'M GONNA TO BE OKAY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.
AND I STILL HAVE MY GOOD LUCK CHARM.
SEE? I GOT IT FROM BONEY ISLAND LAST WEEK.
COOL, HUH?
BYE, CODY. TAKE CARE.