White Famous (2017) s01e09 Episode Script
Scandal
1 [FLOYD.]
Previously on White Famous Where were you last week? Huge fan.
So, what, you a musician or I don't think your friend here knows a damn thing about me.
You and Kali seem to be getting along famously.
If you don't mind, maybe don't go there.
[ SMOOTH MUSIC .]
Bring in the love slaves! Cut! Teddy, this is fucking offensive.
- Floyd, tell her, please.
- Shit's fucked up, Teddy.
You fucking traitor.
I always have your back, and you don't have mine? You're dead to me.
'Cause you're so fuckin' blessed, man.
And you don't appreciate it.
[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING.]
Holy fucking shit.
[ALL SHOUTING.]
Yep, welcome to my world.
You ain't ready for the big leagues You ain't ready for the big leagues - Floyd Mooney! - God.
How's Kali doing? Why don't you ask her? You guys together now? You in love? When can we expect the wedding? Die young and suffer, motherfucker.
Who's the fat mailman? You think Trump will go the full four? Think Chris Christie looks good topless? Think Star Wars has too many minorities in it now? Where do you think O.
J.
should live when he gets out of jail? You think you could beat up George Lopez? Hey, how come Scientology doesn't have any black people in it? Thanks, Floyd.
You ain't ready for the big leagues Uh-uh You ain't ready for the big leagues - No, sir - You ain't ready [KNOCKING.]
You ain't ready, you ain't ready Hey, Dad.
Hey, little man.
How's it looking in there? - Not good.
- [EXHALES FORCEFULLY.]
Okay.
On a scale of one to ten, what are we talking about? Well, here's what we're not talking about you coming in anytime soon.
Oh, really? Okay, that's good to know.
So I see you got a new girlfriend.
I wouldn't say that exactly.
- It's okay, Dad.
I don't mind.
- You don't? No, you deserve to have fun too.
You can't just hang out with Uncle Balls all the time.
Yeah, that's true.
I'd be laying down some serious carbs.
But I do miss you.
Doesn't seem like we spend as much time together these days.
Hey, if that's how you feel, we're definitely gonna change that.
- Can we go to the movies? - Absolutely.
- Today? - No, not today.
I got this work thing I can't get out of.
I'm sorry.
That's okay, Dad.
Tomorrow, though, for sure.
Sure.
Sounds good, Dad.
[ SLOW HIP-HOP MUSIC .]
[APPLAUSE.]
Nicely done, Floyd.
Got a lot of big laughs.
- It's what I do.
- [PAPERS SMACK.]
What's up with her? She's not particularly pleased with me right now.
Yeah, well, that's what happens when you shit where you eat, motherfucker.
Speaking of, Sadie is not particularly pleased with you right now.
Oh, I know.
Well, I-I tried to get her to see it your way.
Listen, hey, hey, hey.
I don't need you fucking helping me, okay? You mind your own fucking business, and you take care of your own shit.
Is that clear? That was excellent, Floyd.
- Well done.
- Thanks, thanks.
Well done to you too, Robert.
- Thank you.
- Jolly good, well done.
Floyd, I'd like a word.
Come with me.
- Right - Don't say it.
- What? - You were about to say it.
You've got no idea what I'm going to say.
Yes, I do.
- Why don't we say it together? - Happy to.
[BOTH.]
Moment of complete honesty? Oh, my God, Floyd, you are a magical Negro.
You have any idea how wrong that is to say to a brother? Oh, no, God, I'm sorry.
I no, I did not mean that in an offensive way, of course.
Oh, you didn't? Great, all is forgiven.
Oh, okay, thank you.
Not really.
I don't think you're right for this part, Floyd.
Okay, time to start swinging.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You're not following me, Floyd.
No, no, I'm not.
I don't think you're right for this part, but I do think you're right for the lead opposite Gwen.
W-what about Robbie? Did you hear the laughs you were getting, Floyd? Yes, Robbie is a classically trained actor, whatever that means, Jesus, but you, my friend, you are far more charming and likable.
Plus, it doesn't hurt you're dating Kali.
I mean, Jesus, you are trending on Twitter right now.
Okay, look, man, I don't want to get the part just 'cause I'm on TMZ all of a sudden, okay? For goodness' sake, grow a pair, Floyd.
Look, it doesn't matter why you get something.
It's the getting it that matters, so I will call Malcolm, and in the meantime, looks like a delightful day for a hike.
What do you say you and me hike Runyon, yeah? Work up a sweat together.
- Yeah, fuck that.
- No? Oh, what a shame.
Well, I'll be thinking of you, kid.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
Congrats.
[ FUNKY MUSIC .]
[MALCOLM.]
All right, here we are.
To my best and my favorite client.
Come on, Malcolm, give me a fucking break.
I'm your best and only client at this point.
Patently untrue, Floyd.
I'm circling Robbie again.
He's vulnerable, and I think I can get him back.
Are you fucking kidding me right now? - What? - You'd represent him after everything we've been through? Floyd, an agent's biggest skill is to forgive and forget while simultaneously holding decades-long grudges.
That is the challenge, but I am to the manor born, motherfucker.
I'm not talking about him.
I'm talking about me and you.
Oh, yeah, but we got through that shit and we're better off for it.
Malcolm, you're on the spectrum somewhere.
Like, seriously, y-you're fucking autistic.
No, I'm pretty sure I'm ADHD, but anyway, thank you for the compliment.
This is cheap-ass shit, Malcolm.
Yo, where'd you get this swill, man? Balls, it's a celebratory gesture.
We open, we sip, we move on with our lives.
Everything does not have to be top-shelf foodie porn.
Yeah, but you didn't have to roll a hobo to get it.
Yeah, well, you don't need the calories.
Hey, y'all stop with the henpecking.
You were toasting to me, remember? - Yes, that's right.
- [FLOYD.]
Okay.
- [FLOYD.]
All right.
- To Floyd Mooney, soon to be on the cover of, uh, uh, TV Guide.
Come on, man.
You can't do better than that for your boy? All right, PM Dawn, if you're such a great orator, you say something.
All right, I will.
To my friend and countryman Floyd Mooney.
A funnier motherfucker - there never was.
- [LAUGHS.]
A better friend I'll never find.
May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
And may the sun shine warm upon your face.
And may you give long, enthusiastic face rides to an endless series of beautiful women.
[LAUGHS.]
That's a motherfucking toast right there.
You know what I'm saying? Cheers.
Cheers, nigga! Yeah! All right, I was hooked the entire time.
Kudos.
- [BALLS.]
Ugh.
- [MALCOLM.]
Mm.
Okay, speaking of face riding, I'm off to see the beautiful Kali.
Adieu to you, bitches.
Nice popping bubbly with you.
I'm so envious.
Your life is going really well right now.
Well, you know what? You're right.
I'm trying to enjoy it for once.
Trying not to bitch about everything.
Yeah, let's see how long that lasts.
Mm, mm.
[ ROCK MUSIC .]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO.]
Floyd.
Yeah.
I'm looking for Kali? Come on in.
Jimmy Duke.
I'm Kali's manager.
Cool, man.
Yeah, yeah, that's-that's whatever.
Okay, where she at? Oh, she's not here.
She's not coming back.
What you mean, man? Why not? Well, here.
As you may or may not know, there's a tape out there.
We're doing everything that we can to get rid of it, but these things have a funny way of coming out anyway.
Tape? What kind of tape? A sex tape, starring Kali and featuring Floyd Mooney in his breakthrough role.
[SCOFFS.]
A sex tape? [SCOFFS.]
That's impossible.
Is it? Did you have sex with Kali? That's none of your damn business, man.
[LAUGHS.]
See, that's what I'm You're doing impressions.
Good impressions, funny fucking impressions.
I mean, you're a talented kid.
Then it kind of goes into you two doing a whole lot of other stuff.
Oh, shit, that's right.
She was recording me.
Yep.
She sure was.
And then she lost the phone.
So, what, somebody found it? That, or somebody hacked into the cloud.
That's happened to us before.
Or maybe you have her phone.
- Me? - Why not? You're suddenly gonna become a whole lot more famous, Floyd.
It would be very understandable.
It would be very human.
Yeah, but that's not the type of attention I'm looking for.
I got a kid.
I don't want him playing with his iPad and finding some fucking sex tape starring his father.
Who knows? Maybe you sent it to a friend? I mean, that would be pretty tempting, right? What guy wouldn't want to be with Kali and then be able to show and tell? Look, I ain't gotta prove shit to no one, motherfucker, all right? Shit.
Look, we're willing to pay to make this go away.
I can write you a big check.
For what? I just told you I ain't had shit to do How do I contact her? You can't.
So, what, that's it? So I never see her again? [LAUGHS.]
What the fuck's so funny, man? I'm sorry, did you think that you guys were gonna go out on a bunch of dates and then live happily ever after? That's a rookie move, man.
She's a fucking superstar.
Look, Floyd, it was very nice meeting you.
I wish it were under better circumstances.
You're a funny kid.
Good luck out there.
Shit's about to get very real.
[ HIP-HOP MUSIC .]
Anything? - Nothing.
- Not yet, big boy.
Why are you so excited? Well, not to sound crass, but a sex tape never hurt nobody, never.
Comedians shouldn't have fucking sex tapes, Malcolm.
Hey, you're doing impressions, aren't you? That's like a viral demo reel right there, motherfucker.
But what about comedians with kids? Okay, so you don't show that part to Trevor.
Just show him the impressions, right? You know what? I'm either gonna fire your ass or beat your ass haven't decided yet, but keep talking.
Come on, man, you can't fire my ass, because as soon as this thing breaks, you're gonna need representation.
You know what, man? Fuck this.
I-I'm taking Trevor to the movies.
Y'all let me know if y'all see anything.
[COMPUTER CHIMES.]
Oh, shit.
Hey, come back, man.
- Yes! - Yo, you ready? Yeah.
[AS BARACK OBAMA.]
Liberty is moving up-up-up-up, up your thighs to the Oval Orifice, where little first lady is waiting in a boat.
[LAUGHS.]
Floyd! Yo, he's so good, right? It's funny, man.
I close my eyes, I hear Barack.
Barack is definitely up in Michelle's guts right now.
It's true.
You should be proud.
[EXHALES.]
Oh! Yo, real talk, Floyd? - Good dick.
- What? I'm just saying.
Oh, God, okay.
Um Yeah.
Oh, wow, look at that.
She look like she's cut from milk chocolate.
- Okay, all right.
Okay.
- Is that ass real? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Let's look at this scientifically.
Devoid of emotion, okay? So the world now knows that you fucked the hottest pop star in the universe.
That's pretty cool, right? No real downside there.
However, the world also knows what your O face looks like, and I wish we'd had a little bit more mystery in that space, not to mention the whole Sadie and Trevor of it all being a total shit show, but it'll blow over, okay? Just it's gonna take a long, cold winter.
But that's all I care about.
I don't give a fuck about nothing else.
Fuck White Famous.
But here's the other thing Which is what, O wise, meddling diabetic one? You gonna get roasted by black folks for making fun of beloved black folks, man.
But I'm a comedian.
It's what I do.
Yeah, but it's Obama and Michelle, man.
People got tender feelings about that shit right now.
Yup.
See, here we go.
Cornel West just called you a punk on Twitter, man.
Motherfucker.
[ SMOOTH HIP-HOP MUSIC .]
You ready? Mom says I can't go to the movies with you.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah, figured as much.
Can I talk to her? Well, she's not taking any visitors.
Well, just you, really.
Makes sense.
You wanna sit down with me for a minute? Sure.
All right.
All right, man.
You're gonna hear some weird stuff about me, little dude.
I already have.
Okay.
What have you heard? Well, I heard Mom on the phone.
She was whispering, but I heard her say something about a sex tape, so then I got on my iPad and Googled "sex tape.
" Yeah, y-you're not gonna wanna do that.
Dad, I know what a sex tape is.
I've seen people do it.
You have? When? Where? Braden showed me a video on his computer.
It was weird and gross.
He called it "dog-style.
" [EXHALES.]
Is that how white people do it? Yeah.
Yeah, white people are pretty weird.
- But anyway - Yeah, anyway, a whole bunch of stuff came up.
When me and your mama stop fighting, we have got to get a passcode on that thing.
Oh, yeah, and I saw that you and Kali had one, so I clicked on it.
No! Say it ain't so! Man, you're not supposed to watch stuff like that.
You'll go blind.
I only watched you doing your impressions.
They're funny.
Your Obama's crackin'.
Serious next-level stuff.
But it got kind of weird after that.
Yeah, I bet.
Sorry about that, little dude.
Why? 'Cause it's embarrassing, and I don't you to have to deal with stuff like that.
Then why'd you do it? I don't know.
I just 'Cause I thought it was private.
I didn't think it was gonna get out there in the world.
Dad, be careful with phones.
That's, like, the number one rule of the jungle.
You're a pretty smart little dude, you know that? Oh, and some guy named Tavis Smiley on Twitter said you should be ashamed of yourself.
[CHUCKLES.]
That sounds about right.
But Ice Cube said it was dope.
All right.
I can hang with that.
[SIGHS.]
Love you, Dad.
Stay strong.
I love you too.
Yo.
Hey, so, uh, whatever you do, don't come back here, because it's a fucking madhouse.
Where the fuck am I supposed to go? I don't fucking know.
Oh, hey, I got some bad news.
Peter King called.
Yep, sitcom blew up.
Not the kind of attention they need right now.
"Maybe when the smokes clears," he said.
Oh, and he said he loves your Obama.
Shit, he thinks Obama would love your Obama.
So what fuck now, Malcolm? Well, I think we work on your apology strategy.
What am I apologizing for? For making fun of iconic African-Americans within the context of a low-down, dirty sex tape.
Come on, man.
Look, it's fine.
No biggie, it's all good.
You fuck up.
You say you're sorry.
You move on.
That's the price you pay for playing with them big-ass famous titties.
I'm not even sure if I did anything wrong, man.
I'm a fucking comedian.
Ooh, got some good news.
I just got you an offer to be on the new season of Celebrity Sex Addict.
And, oh, my God, they got Tiger.
Shit, bro, they got Double-D.
They got fucking Charlie Sheen, all in the same house? I'm not a fucking sex addict, Malcolm! I know that, but the world doesn't have to know that.
Holy shit, Malcolm.
You know what? You're out of your cotton-picking mind.
Whoa, Floyd, okay, that's fucking racist.
You better be careful with that shit.
Also, to be culturally accurate, my people spin silk.
It's a much finer [PHONE BUZZES AND PINGS.]
[ FUNKY HIP-HOP MUSIC .]
[ENGINE REVS.]
All right.
There he is, the man of the hour.
- This is your house? - Yeah, what's wrong with it? Nothing.
It's nice.
I just wasn't expecting nice.
Well, what did you expect, the Amityville Horror house - or some shit? - Yeah, pretty much.
Well, you can't raise a family in that kind of environment.
Wait, wait, wait.
You got a family? Floyd, what, you think I'm an animal, I'm incapable of breeding or something like that? Come on and meet everyone.
Thought I was dead to you.
You were dead to me, but I heard about what happened, and I, uh you know, I wanted to reach out.
I felt like you could use a friend.
Thanks, man.
What, you gonna start crying, Floyd? Come on, don't get your panties in a bunch, come on.
You look good.
How you been? - Uh, I'm all right.
- All right, this is the house.
[AMANDA.]
Jesus fuck, Teddy, how fucking hard is it to pick up the fucking towels off the floor? Well, that's what the cleaning lady's for, Demanda.
- Give me a break.
- Oh, God, you're such a fucking pig.
And you know what? Don't fucking call me Demanda unless you wanna go a month without getting your dick sucked.
How's that sound, tough guy? Hi, you must be Floyd.
Aw, you had a tough day, didn't you, kid? Need a hug? Kids, come in here.
This is my wife, Amanda.
Hey, say hello to my friend Floyd.
You do a great Obama.
Seriously, I can't believe you railed Kali.
You really gave it to her good, man.
Hey, that's not appropriate, okay? These are real people we're talking about.
This isn't characters that you-you stare at on one of your screens.
- Sorry, Floyd.
- It's all good.
Say sorry! Sorry, Floyd.
Thank you, Tweedledee and Tweedledum.
I probably would've said the same thing your age, so it's all good.
All right, go read a book, okay? Finish The Outsiders.
It's a great book.
What's taking you guys so long? - Sorry, Floyd.
- Hey.
Do the crime, do the time.
You feel me? [BOTH.]
Yeah.
You really did do it good, though.
- Didn't he do it good? - Oh, God, he did it so good.
- You did it so good.
- Fantastic.
Very impressive.
Thank you.
[TEDDY.]
Say blue.
[MILO.]
Blue! I'm gonna kill you.
I'll kill you.
- [TEDDY GRUNTING.]
- [MILO LAUGHING.]
Oh, my God, thank you.
It is sweltering out here.
You're welcome, Floyd.
I gotta say, this is not what I expected.
Oh, yeah, he talks a crazy game, but he's just a big fucking pussycat.
Talks a crazy fucking game, all right.
[CHUCKLES.]
Let me guess, he rants about killing people and getting his dick sucked all the time? [SCOFFS.]
Among other things.
Hmm, well, then he comes home and he takes out the garbage and he plays with his kids.
[CHUCKLES.]
He just needs a lot of off-gassing.
Don't get me wrong he has his fucking problems, but we're working on 'em.
Slowly but surely.
You know, we're chipping away.
He's either gonna go out in a blaze of glory, or he's gonna lead a long, boring life.
I don't know.
The jury's still out.
Well, here's to a long, boring life, which sounds very appealing right about now.
[CHUCKLES.]
You know, he thinks you're incredibly talented, Floyd.
You remind him of an old friend.
Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm, this guy Luke.
He was a young stand-up.
Met outside the Comedy Store and become best friends.
We always thought he would make it, but he never did.
He died young, just like the guy in Angry Black.
[PHONE PINGS.]
Teddy, he's here.
Floyd, someone's here to see you.
Man, is this some weird method-acting game, Teddy? 'Cause I'm not in the mood for it, all right? Just answer the fucking door, please.
It's fine.
Go get the door.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Wh Hello.
You're Nelson Youngblood.
I am, and you are Floyd Mooney.
You know my name? Yeah, well, you know, you've suddenly become very famous, Floyd.
Yeah, I've known Nelson for years.
He's been one of my biggest champions.
He's been one of my, uh, harshest critics.
Sometimes he makes me so mad, I wanna rip his throat out and piss toxic yellow down his open, bloody gullet.
Wow.
But he's smart as shit, he knows what the fuck he's talking about, and he's very influential in the black community.
- Oh, don't I know it.
- So I thought talking to him could help you with, uh, damage control.
All right, well, let's see it, shall we? What what, now? [AS BERNIE MAC.]
Now, if I was alive, you know, I would do a thing called the spiritual dick.
You know what that mean? That mean I fuck your ass so hard that you die.
How 'bout that? [KALI.]
All right, do someone else.
[FLOYD AS BARACK OBAMA.]
Sasha and Malia have gone to bed, so it's time to slip down the dad jeans and get to the task at hand.
Liberty is moving up-up-up-up, up your thighs to the Oval Orifice, where little first lady is waiting in a boat.
- Come here.
- Mm.
[FLOYD.]
You come here.
- [KALI LAUGHS.]
- [FLOYD GRUNTS.]
- [KALI MOANS.]
- [FLOYD.]
Yeah, girl.
[KALI MOANS.]
[FLOYD LAUGHS.]
- [FLOYD.]
Mm.
- [KALI LAUGHS.]
Oh, okay, that's-that's enough.
That's enough of that.
All right, so you get the picture, man.
What do you think? Interesting.
You're very talented.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thank you, man.
That-that means a lot coming from you.
Very funny.
Again, that means a lot coming from you, but I noticed that you weren't laughing much.
No, no, I was-I was laughing, very much, on the inside.
Oh, right on.
She's a very, uh very beautiful woman.
- Yeah, that she is.
- Mm.
You seem to have been giving her a great deal of pleasure.
[TEDDY.]
Yeah, he's giving it to her good, huh? Usually I don't like black-on-black porn 'cause I like to picture myself somewhere in there, but this yeah, this I dug.
How many positions did you employ? I I-I-I don't I don't know exactly, man.
What the fuck exactly are we talking about here? You know, Nelson is a very important member of the black community, and I figured it would be great to help you get ahead of this thing.
Look, I would be happy to, uh, voice my support, but you need to pay reparations, brother.
Okay, but that's the thing that I don't get.
What am I apologizing for? I'm a comedian.
I do impressions.
That's what I do.
Yeah, but you did an impression of a U.
S.
president who just happens to be one of the most beloved African-Americans in history.
- [TEDDY.]
Mm.
- And you put him in a sexual situation with the first lady, who also is one of the most fiercely respected and iconic African-American women of all time.
From that angle alone, it's incredibly disrespectful.
Yes.
And you impersonated Bernie Mac, who's not even here to defend himself.
- [TEDDY.]
Terrible.
- But what's to defend? I love Bernie Mac.
It w that impression was out of love.
Okay, point taken, Floyd, but we are in strange times.
The-the best thing he could do right now is to humble himself and apologize.
Mm, gotta humble yourself.
Listen, I understand, you know.
A long time ago, I got pulled over, uh, by a chick police officer.
She was gorgeous.
She had nice tits, nice ass.
She looked like fucking J.
Lo, In Living Color J.
Lo.
Ah.
Mm.
And I said to her, I said, "Listen, I want you to blow me and I want you to point your gun at my balls.
" I was all fucked up, you know? But I thought it was funny and-and a little hot.
You know, she-she didn't.
No one-no one thought it was funny.
So I I humbled myself, and I apologized.
And it worked like a charm, luckily.
Wow, that is hot.
Yeah, it was nice.
Fuck, when I first came to Hollywood, I thought all the white people were just whacked out of their skulls.
Turned out they got you too, motherfucker.
Once you apologize, you gotta get serious, brother.
I mean, here you are you have a wonderful opportunity to influence and inspire, but you look like you're just fucking around in a sandbox like a small developmentally challenged child.
Mm.
Is that what you want? You wanna continue just throwing noise at our culture? Do you wanna be a headline or an icon? Mm.
Icon sounds way better.
Well, then you-you gotta get serious.
He gotta get serious.
You gotta get serious, son.
- Get your mind right.
- [SIGHS.]
You guys mind if I watch this tape again? - Uh - Sure.
Alone? Absolutely, uh, have-have at it.
Thank you.
Uh, you guys, uh, close the door too, please.
[TEDDY.]
Well, he said-he said he wanted to watch it alone.
You're welcome anytime here, Floyd, all right? You're family, you understand? - Thank you.
- All right.
She's amazing.
Yeah, she's the best.
That's my ride or die.
Everybody needs one.
You gonna be okay? Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, I've been through variations of this shit in my life, Floyd, and I'm telling you, it sucks, it sucks hard, but you're gonna make it through it.
You know what's funny, man? I spent this whole fucking time trying to get away from you, but You turned out to be a real good friend to me.
- Are you crying again, Floyd.
- [SCOFFS.]
I'm just kidding, my friend.
- Thank you for today.
- My pleasure.
I still think you're crazy as shit, but, uh, I dig your family.
- Thanks for coming.
- [PHONE RINGING.]
- No problem.
- Hey, Floyd, don't take any shit from these Hollywood cupcakes, all right? Fuck 'em where they live.
Definitely.
Hello? Word? Yeah, I can be there.
[ENGINE TURNING OVER.]
Meek Mill's "Blue Notes" playing Hey.
Hey.
Um, I hope you know I didn't have anything to do with this shit.
No, I know, I know.
It just it gets confusing.
I've been a lot of wrong about a lot of guys.
So where you headed? Um, airport.
Next leg of my tour.
[CHUCKLES.]
Fuck, I was really looking forward to spending time together.
[CHUCKLES.]
What's so funny? No, it's just, uh, the thought of us spending time together.
I mean, where are we gonna go? There's cameras fucking everywhere.
We really fucked this up, didn't we? I mean, this shit will eventually blow over, right? Sure.
Then what? So that's it? We just never see each other again? [SIGHS.]
It's amazing, isn't it? A guy brought me here once.
- I was new to the city - Hmm.
full of hopes and dreams.
I come back every once in a while.
Try to recapture the feeling.
It gets harder and harder.
I gotta go.
- Fuck.
- I know.
I'm so I'm so sorry.
I know this fucks with your life, and it's my mistake.
Nah, no, no, no, I don't regret anything.
- Me neither.
- [CHUCKLES.]
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
I'll see you.
Yeah.
This is my blues 'Cause I'm back down on my own again This is the blues I'm playing Yes, it's a fine old thing When the night is cold and lonely This is a Dolla Bill beat.
Totin' them pistols and severing them addicts That was exciting to me, was so excited to be Started with nothing, we had to inspire to be Niggas ain't flyer than me, I'm getting to it Feel like the man, I got a plan I call the shooters, they hop out the van Play with the squad, get popped like a Xan Popped like a Perc, I'm going HAM I'm going crazy on niggas, too wavy for niggas Do magic like alakazam I'm in the kitchen, compressin' a birdie Take it to Atlanta and I sell it for 30 Then straight to the jeweler, I'm bustin' a Rollie To light up the city like Meechie 03 I got the plug, he send him up T Don't know these niggas, these niggas know me Even old niggas, they call me OG Young nigga, but I put it down We was on it when it wasn't around All of a sudden niggas wanna come around Stay over there, my G, do me one favor Take a few steps back 'Cause I'm back down on my own again And look at yourself Matter of fact, take yourself outside your body And then look at yourself And see how you playin' yourself, nigga This is the blues I'm playing Congratulations It's the motherfuckin' Chasers Yes, it's a fine old thing You feel me? [DOG GROWLS.]
Previously on White Famous Where were you last week? Huge fan.
So, what, you a musician or I don't think your friend here knows a damn thing about me.
You and Kali seem to be getting along famously.
If you don't mind, maybe don't go there.
[ SMOOTH MUSIC .]
Bring in the love slaves! Cut! Teddy, this is fucking offensive.
- Floyd, tell her, please.
- Shit's fucked up, Teddy.
You fucking traitor.
I always have your back, and you don't have mine? You're dead to me.
'Cause you're so fuckin' blessed, man.
And you don't appreciate it.
[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING.]
Holy fucking shit.
[ALL SHOUTING.]
Yep, welcome to my world.
You ain't ready for the big leagues You ain't ready for the big leagues - Floyd Mooney! - God.
How's Kali doing? Why don't you ask her? You guys together now? You in love? When can we expect the wedding? Die young and suffer, motherfucker.
Who's the fat mailman? You think Trump will go the full four? Think Chris Christie looks good topless? Think Star Wars has too many minorities in it now? Where do you think O.
J.
should live when he gets out of jail? You think you could beat up George Lopez? Hey, how come Scientology doesn't have any black people in it? Thanks, Floyd.
You ain't ready for the big leagues Uh-uh You ain't ready for the big leagues - No, sir - You ain't ready [KNOCKING.]
You ain't ready, you ain't ready Hey, Dad.
Hey, little man.
How's it looking in there? - Not good.
- [EXHALES FORCEFULLY.]
Okay.
On a scale of one to ten, what are we talking about? Well, here's what we're not talking about you coming in anytime soon.
Oh, really? Okay, that's good to know.
So I see you got a new girlfriend.
I wouldn't say that exactly.
- It's okay, Dad.
I don't mind.
- You don't? No, you deserve to have fun too.
You can't just hang out with Uncle Balls all the time.
Yeah, that's true.
I'd be laying down some serious carbs.
But I do miss you.
Doesn't seem like we spend as much time together these days.
Hey, if that's how you feel, we're definitely gonna change that.
- Can we go to the movies? - Absolutely.
- Today? - No, not today.
I got this work thing I can't get out of.
I'm sorry.
That's okay, Dad.
Tomorrow, though, for sure.
Sure.
Sounds good, Dad.
[ SLOW HIP-HOP MUSIC .]
[APPLAUSE.]
Nicely done, Floyd.
Got a lot of big laughs.
- It's what I do.
- [PAPERS SMACK.]
What's up with her? She's not particularly pleased with me right now.
Yeah, well, that's what happens when you shit where you eat, motherfucker.
Speaking of, Sadie is not particularly pleased with you right now.
Oh, I know.
Well, I-I tried to get her to see it your way.
Listen, hey, hey, hey.
I don't need you fucking helping me, okay? You mind your own fucking business, and you take care of your own shit.
Is that clear? That was excellent, Floyd.
- Well done.
- Thanks, thanks.
Well done to you too, Robert.
- Thank you.
- Jolly good, well done.
Floyd, I'd like a word.
Come with me.
- Right - Don't say it.
- What? - You were about to say it.
You've got no idea what I'm going to say.
Yes, I do.
- Why don't we say it together? - Happy to.
[BOTH.]
Moment of complete honesty? Oh, my God, Floyd, you are a magical Negro.
You have any idea how wrong that is to say to a brother? Oh, no, God, I'm sorry.
I no, I did not mean that in an offensive way, of course.
Oh, you didn't? Great, all is forgiven.
Oh, okay, thank you.
Not really.
I don't think you're right for this part, Floyd.
Okay, time to start swinging.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You're not following me, Floyd.
No, no, I'm not.
I don't think you're right for this part, but I do think you're right for the lead opposite Gwen.
W-what about Robbie? Did you hear the laughs you were getting, Floyd? Yes, Robbie is a classically trained actor, whatever that means, Jesus, but you, my friend, you are far more charming and likable.
Plus, it doesn't hurt you're dating Kali.
I mean, Jesus, you are trending on Twitter right now.
Okay, look, man, I don't want to get the part just 'cause I'm on TMZ all of a sudden, okay? For goodness' sake, grow a pair, Floyd.
Look, it doesn't matter why you get something.
It's the getting it that matters, so I will call Malcolm, and in the meantime, looks like a delightful day for a hike.
What do you say you and me hike Runyon, yeah? Work up a sweat together.
- Yeah, fuck that.
- No? Oh, what a shame.
Well, I'll be thinking of you, kid.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
Congrats.
[ FUNKY MUSIC .]
[MALCOLM.]
All right, here we are.
To my best and my favorite client.
Come on, Malcolm, give me a fucking break.
I'm your best and only client at this point.
Patently untrue, Floyd.
I'm circling Robbie again.
He's vulnerable, and I think I can get him back.
Are you fucking kidding me right now? - What? - You'd represent him after everything we've been through? Floyd, an agent's biggest skill is to forgive and forget while simultaneously holding decades-long grudges.
That is the challenge, but I am to the manor born, motherfucker.
I'm not talking about him.
I'm talking about me and you.
Oh, yeah, but we got through that shit and we're better off for it.
Malcolm, you're on the spectrum somewhere.
Like, seriously, y-you're fucking autistic.
No, I'm pretty sure I'm ADHD, but anyway, thank you for the compliment.
This is cheap-ass shit, Malcolm.
Yo, where'd you get this swill, man? Balls, it's a celebratory gesture.
We open, we sip, we move on with our lives.
Everything does not have to be top-shelf foodie porn.
Yeah, but you didn't have to roll a hobo to get it.
Yeah, well, you don't need the calories.
Hey, y'all stop with the henpecking.
You were toasting to me, remember? - Yes, that's right.
- [FLOYD.]
Okay.
- [FLOYD.]
All right.
- To Floyd Mooney, soon to be on the cover of, uh, uh, TV Guide.
Come on, man.
You can't do better than that for your boy? All right, PM Dawn, if you're such a great orator, you say something.
All right, I will.
To my friend and countryman Floyd Mooney.
A funnier motherfucker - there never was.
- [LAUGHS.]
A better friend I'll never find.
May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
And may the sun shine warm upon your face.
And may you give long, enthusiastic face rides to an endless series of beautiful women.
[LAUGHS.]
That's a motherfucking toast right there.
You know what I'm saying? Cheers.
Cheers, nigga! Yeah! All right, I was hooked the entire time.
Kudos.
- [BALLS.]
Ugh.
- [MALCOLM.]
Mm.
Okay, speaking of face riding, I'm off to see the beautiful Kali.
Adieu to you, bitches.
Nice popping bubbly with you.
I'm so envious.
Your life is going really well right now.
Well, you know what? You're right.
I'm trying to enjoy it for once.
Trying not to bitch about everything.
Yeah, let's see how long that lasts.
Mm, mm.
[ ROCK MUSIC .]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO.]
Floyd.
Yeah.
I'm looking for Kali? Come on in.
Jimmy Duke.
I'm Kali's manager.
Cool, man.
Yeah, yeah, that's-that's whatever.
Okay, where she at? Oh, she's not here.
She's not coming back.
What you mean, man? Why not? Well, here.
As you may or may not know, there's a tape out there.
We're doing everything that we can to get rid of it, but these things have a funny way of coming out anyway.
Tape? What kind of tape? A sex tape, starring Kali and featuring Floyd Mooney in his breakthrough role.
[SCOFFS.]
A sex tape? [SCOFFS.]
That's impossible.
Is it? Did you have sex with Kali? That's none of your damn business, man.
[LAUGHS.]
See, that's what I'm You're doing impressions.
Good impressions, funny fucking impressions.
I mean, you're a talented kid.
Then it kind of goes into you two doing a whole lot of other stuff.
Oh, shit, that's right.
She was recording me.
Yep.
She sure was.
And then she lost the phone.
So, what, somebody found it? That, or somebody hacked into the cloud.
That's happened to us before.
Or maybe you have her phone.
- Me? - Why not? You're suddenly gonna become a whole lot more famous, Floyd.
It would be very understandable.
It would be very human.
Yeah, but that's not the type of attention I'm looking for.
I got a kid.
I don't want him playing with his iPad and finding some fucking sex tape starring his father.
Who knows? Maybe you sent it to a friend? I mean, that would be pretty tempting, right? What guy wouldn't want to be with Kali and then be able to show and tell? Look, I ain't gotta prove shit to no one, motherfucker, all right? Shit.
Look, we're willing to pay to make this go away.
I can write you a big check.
For what? I just told you I ain't had shit to do How do I contact her? You can't.
So, what, that's it? So I never see her again? [LAUGHS.]
What the fuck's so funny, man? I'm sorry, did you think that you guys were gonna go out on a bunch of dates and then live happily ever after? That's a rookie move, man.
She's a fucking superstar.
Look, Floyd, it was very nice meeting you.
I wish it were under better circumstances.
You're a funny kid.
Good luck out there.
Shit's about to get very real.
[ HIP-HOP MUSIC .]
Anything? - Nothing.
- Not yet, big boy.
Why are you so excited? Well, not to sound crass, but a sex tape never hurt nobody, never.
Comedians shouldn't have fucking sex tapes, Malcolm.
Hey, you're doing impressions, aren't you? That's like a viral demo reel right there, motherfucker.
But what about comedians with kids? Okay, so you don't show that part to Trevor.
Just show him the impressions, right? You know what? I'm either gonna fire your ass or beat your ass haven't decided yet, but keep talking.
Come on, man, you can't fire my ass, because as soon as this thing breaks, you're gonna need representation.
You know what, man? Fuck this.
I-I'm taking Trevor to the movies.
Y'all let me know if y'all see anything.
[COMPUTER CHIMES.]
Oh, shit.
Hey, come back, man.
- Yes! - Yo, you ready? Yeah.
[AS BARACK OBAMA.]
Liberty is moving up-up-up-up, up your thighs to the Oval Orifice, where little first lady is waiting in a boat.
[LAUGHS.]
Floyd! Yo, he's so good, right? It's funny, man.
I close my eyes, I hear Barack.
Barack is definitely up in Michelle's guts right now.
It's true.
You should be proud.
[EXHALES.]
Oh! Yo, real talk, Floyd? - Good dick.
- What? I'm just saying.
Oh, God, okay.
Um Yeah.
Oh, wow, look at that.
She look like she's cut from milk chocolate.
- Okay, all right.
Okay.
- Is that ass real? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Let's look at this scientifically.
Devoid of emotion, okay? So the world now knows that you fucked the hottest pop star in the universe.
That's pretty cool, right? No real downside there.
However, the world also knows what your O face looks like, and I wish we'd had a little bit more mystery in that space, not to mention the whole Sadie and Trevor of it all being a total shit show, but it'll blow over, okay? Just it's gonna take a long, cold winter.
But that's all I care about.
I don't give a fuck about nothing else.
Fuck White Famous.
But here's the other thing Which is what, O wise, meddling diabetic one? You gonna get roasted by black folks for making fun of beloved black folks, man.
But I'm a comedian.
It's what I do.
Yeah, but it's Obama and Michelle, man.
People got tender feelings about that shit right now.
Yup.
See, here we go.
Cornel West just called you a punk on Twitter, man.
Motherfucker.
[ SMOOTH HIP-HOP MUSIC .]
You ready? Mom says I can't go to the movies with you.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah, figured as much.
Can I talk to her? Well, she's not taking any visitors.
Well, just you, really.
Makes sense.
You wanna sit down with me for a minute? Sure.
All right.
All right, man.
You're gonna hear some weird stuff about me, little dude.
I already have.
Okay.
What have you heard? Well, I heard Mom on the phone.
She was whispering, but I heard her say something about a sex tape, so then I got on my iPad and Googled "sex tape.
" Yeah, y-you're not gonna wanna do that.
Dad, I know what a sex tape is.
I've seen people do it.
You have? When? Where? Braden showed me a video on his computer.
It was weird and gross.
He called it "dog-style.
" [EXHALES.]
Is that how white people do it? Yeah.
Yeah, white people are pretty weird.
- But anyway - Yeah, anyway, a whole bunch of stuff came up.
When me and your mama stop fighting, we have got to get a passcode on that thing.
Oh, yeah, and I saw that you and Kali had one, so I clicked on it.
No! Say it ain't so! Man, you're not supposed to watch stuff like that.
You'll go blind.
I only watched you doing your impressions.
They're funny.
Your Obama's crackin'.
Serious next-level stuff.
But it got kind of weird after that.
Yeah, I bet.
Sorry about that, little dude.
Why? 'Cause it's embarrassing, and I don't you to have to deal with stuff like that.
Then why'd you do it? I don't know.
I just 'Cause I thought it was private.
I didn't think it was gonna get out there in the world.
Dad, be careful with phones.
That's, like, the number one rule of the jungle.
You're a pretty smart little dude, you know that? Oh, and some guy named Tavis Smiley on Twitter said you should be ashamed of yourself.
[CHUCKLES.]
That sounds about right.
But Ice Cube said it was dope.
All right.
I can hang with that.
[SIGHS.]
Love you, Dad.
Stay strong.
I love you too.
Yo.
Hey, so, uh, whatever you do, don't come back here, because it's a fucking madhouse.
Where the fuck am I supposed to go? I don't fucking know.
Oh, hey, I got some bad news.
Peter King called.
Yep, sitcom blew up.
Not the kind of attention they need right now.
"Maybe when the smokes clears," he said.
Oh, and he said he loves your Obama.
Shit, he thinks Obama would love your Obama.
So what fuck now, Malcolm? Well, I think we work on your apology strategy.
What am I apologizing for? For making fun of iconic African-Americans within the context of a low-down, dirty sex tape.
Come on, man.
Look, it's fine.
No biggie, it's all good.
You fuck up.
You say you're sorry.
You move on.
That's the price you pay for playing with them big-ass famous titties.
I'm not even sure if I did anything wrong, man.
I'm a fucking comedian.
Ooh, got some good news.
I just got you an offer to be on the new season of Celebrity Sex Addict.
And, oh, my God, they got Tiger.
Shit, bro, they got Double-D.
They got fucking Charlie Sheen, all in the same house? I'm not a fucking sex addict, Malcolm! I know that, but the world doesn't have to know that.
Holy shit, Malcolm.
You know what? You're out of your cotton-picking mind.
Whoa, Floyd, okay, that's fucking racist.
You better be careful with that shit.
Also, to be culturally accurate, my people spin silk.
It's a much finer [PHONE BUZZES AND PINGS.]
[ FUNKY HIP-HOP MUSIC .]
[ENGINE REVS.]
All right.
There he is, the man of the hour.
- This is your house? - Yeah, what's wrong with it? Nothing.
It's nice.
I just wasn't expecting nice.
Well, what did you expect, the Amityville Horror house - or some shit? - Yeah, pretty much.
Well, you can't raise a family in that kind of environment.
Wait, wait, wait.
You got a family? Floyd, what, you think I'm an animal, I'm incapable of breeding or something like that? Come on and meet everyone.
Thought I was dead to you.
You were dead to me, but I heard about what happened, and I, uh you know, I wanted to reach out.
I felt like you could use a friend.
Thanks, man.
What, you gonna start crying, Floyd? Come on, don't get your panties in a bunch, come on.
You look good.
How you been? - Uh, I'm all right.
- All right, this is the house.
[AMANDA.]
Jesus fuck, Teddy, how fucking hard is it to pick up the fucking towels off the floor? Well, that's what the cleaning lady's for, Demanda.
- Give me a break.
- Oh, God, you're such a fucking pig.
And you know what? Don't fucking call me Demanda unless you wanna go a month without getting your dick sucked.
How's that sound, tough guy? Hi, you must be Floyd.
Aw, you had a tough day, didn't you, kid? Need a hug? Kids, come in here.
This is my wife, Amanda.
Hey, say hello to my friend Floyd.
You do a great Obama.
Seriously, I can't believe you railed Kali.
You really gave it to her good, man.
Hey, that's not appropriate, okay? These are real people we're talking about.
This isn't characters that you-you stare at on one of your screens.
- Sorry, Floyd.
- It's all good.
Say sorry! Sorry, Floyd.
Thank you, Tweedledee and Tweedledum.
I probably would've said the same thing your age, so it's all good.
All right, go read a book, okay? Finish The Outsiders.
It's a great book.
What's taking you guys so long? - Sorry, Floyd.
- Hey.
Do the crime, do the time.
You feel me? [BOTH.]
Yeah.
You really did do it good, though.
- Didn't he do it good? - Oh, God, he did it so good.
- You did it so good.
- Fantastic.
Very impressive.
Thank you.
[TEDDY.]
Say blue.
[MILO.]
Blue! I'm gonna kill you.
I'll kill you.
- [TEDDY GRUNTING.]
- [MILO LAUGHING.]
Oh, my God, thank you.
It is sweltering out here.
You're welcome, Floyd.
I gotta say, this is not what I expected.
Oh, yeah, he talks a crazy game, but he's just a big fucking pussycat.
Talks a crazy fucking game, all right.
[CHUCKLES.]
Let me guess, he rants about killing people and getting his dick sucked all the time? [SCOFFS.]
Among other things.
Hmm, well, then he comes home and he takes out the garbage and he plays with his kids.
[CHUCKLES.]
He just needs a lot of off-gassing.
Don't get me wrong he has his fucking problems, but we're working on 'em.
Slowly but surely.
You know, we're chipping away.
He's either gonna go out in a blaze of glory, or he's gonna lead a long, boring life.
I don't know.
The jury's still out.
Well, here's to a long, boring life, which sounds very appealing right about now.
[CHUCKLES.]
You know, he thinks you're incredibly talented, Floyd.
You remind him of an old friend.
Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm, this guy Luke.
He was a young stand-up.
Met outside the Comedy Store and become best friends.
We always thought he would make it, but he never did.
He died young, just like the guy in Angry Black.
[PHONE PINGS.]
Teddy, he's here.
Floyd, someone's here to see you.
Man, is this some weird method-acting game, Teddy? 'Cause I'm not in the mood for it, all right? Just answer the fucking door, please.
It's fine.
Go get the door.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Wh Hello.
You're Nelson Youngblood.
I am, and you are Floyd Mooney.
You know my name? Yeah, well, you know, you've suddenly become very famous, Floyd.
Yeah, I've known Nelson for years.
He's been one of my biggest champions.
He's been one of my, uh, harshest critics.
Sometimes he makes me so mad, I wanna rip his throat out and piss toxic yellow down his open, bloody gullet.
Wow.
But he's smart as shit, he knows what the fuck he's talking about, and he's very influential in the black community.
- Oh, don't I know it.
- So I thought talking to him could help you with, uh, damage control.
All right, well, let's see it, shall we? What what, now? [AS BERNIE MAC.]
Now, if I was alive, you know, I would do a thing called the spiritual dick.
You know what that mean? That mean I fuck your ass so hard that you die.
How 'bout that? [KALI.]
All right, do someone else.
[FLOYD AS BARACK OBAMA.]
Sasha and Malia have gone to bed, so it's time to slip down the dad jeans and get to the task at hand.
Liberty is moving up-up-up-up, up your thighs to the Oval Orifice, where little first lady is waiting in a boat.
- Come here.
- Mm.
[FLOYD.]
You come here.
- [KALI LAUGHS.]
- [FLOYD GRUNTS.]
- [KALI MOANS.]
- [FLOYD.]
Yeah, girl.
[KALI MOANS.]
[FLOYD LAUGHS.]
- [FLOYD.]
Mm.
- [KALI LAUGHS.]
Oh, okay, that's-that's enough.
That's enough of that.
All right, so you get the picture, man.
What do you think? Interesting.
You're very talented.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thank you, man.
That-that means a lot coming from you.
Very funny.
Again, that means a lot coming from you, but I noticed that you weren't laughing much.
No, no, I was-I was laughing, very much, on the inside.
Oh, right on.
She's a very, uh very beautiful woman.
- Yeah, that she is.
- Mm.
You seem to have been giving her a great deal of pleasure.
[TEDDY.]
Yeah, he's giving it to her good, huh? Usually I don't like black-on-black porn 'cause I like to picture myself somewhere in there, but this yeah, this I dug.
How many positions did you employ? I I-I-I don't I don't know exactly, man.
What the fuck exactly are we talking about here? You know, Nelson is a very important member of the black community, and I figured it would be great to help you get ahead of this thing.
Look, I would be happy to, uh, voice my support, but you need to pay reparations, brother.
Okay, but that's the thing that I don't get.
What am I apologizing for? I'm a comedian.
I do impressions.
That's what I do.
Yeah, but you did an impression of a U.
S.
president who just happens to be one of the most beloved African-Americans in history.
- [TEDDY.]
Mm.
- And you put him in a sexual situation with the first lady, who also is one of the most fiercely respected and iconic African-American women of all time.
From that angle alone, it's incredibly disrespectful.
Yes.
And you impersonated Bernie Mac, who's not even here to defend himself.
- [TEDDY.]
Terrible.
- But what's to defend? I love Bernie Mac.
It w that impression was out of love.
Okay, point taken, Floyd, but we are in strange times.
The-the best thing he could do right now is to humble himself and apologize.
Mm, gotta humble yourself.
Listen, I understand, you know.
A long time ago, I got pulled over, uh, by a chick police officer.
She was gorgeous.
She had nice tits, nice ass.
She looked like fucking J.
Lo, In Living Color J.
Lo.
Ah.
Mm.
And I said to her, I said, "Listen, I want you to blow me and I want you to point your gun at my balls.
" I was all fucked up, you know? But I thought it was funny and-and a little hot.
You know, she-she didn't.
No one-no one thought it was funny.
So I I humbled myself, and I apologized.
And it worked like a charm, luckily.
Wow, that is hot.
Yeah, it was nice.
Fuck, when I first came to Hollywood, I thought all the white people were just whacked out of their skulls.
Turned out they got you too, motherfucker.
Once you apologize, you gotta get serious, brother.
I mean, here you are you have a wonderful opportunity to influence and inspire, but you look like you're just fucking around in a sandbox like a small developmentally challenged child.
Mm.
Is that what you want? You wanna continue just throwing noise at our culture? Do you wanna be a headline or an icon? Mm.
Icon sounds way better.
Well, then you-you gotta get serious.
He gotta get serious.
You gotta get serious, son.
- Get your mind right.
- [SIGHS.]
You guys mind if I watch this tape again? - Uh - Sure.
Alone? Absolutely, uh, have-have at it.
Thank you.
Uh, you guys, uh, close the door too, please.
[TEDDY.]
Well, he said-he said he wanted to watch it alone.
You're welcome anytime here, Floyd, all right? You're family, you understand? - Thank you.
- All right.
She's amazing.
Yeah, she's the best.
That's my ride or die.
Everybody needs one.
You gonna be okay? Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, I've been through variations of this shit in my life, Floyd, and I'm telling you, it sucks, it sucks hard, but you're gonna make it through it.
You know what's funny, man? I spent this whole fucking time trying to get away from you, but You turned out to be a real good friend to me.
- Are you crying again, Floyd.
- [SCOFFS.]
I'm just kidding, my friend.
- Thank you for today.
- My pleasure.
I still think you're crazy as shit, but, uh, I dig your family.
- Thanks for coming.
- [PHONE RINGING.]
- No problem.
- Hey, Floyd, don't take any shit from these Hollywood cupcakes, all right? Fuck 'em where they live.
Definitely.
Hello? Word? Yeah, I can be there.
[ENGINE TURNING OVER.]
Meek Mill's "Blue Notes" playing Hey.
Hey.
Um, I hope you know I didn't have anything to do with this shit.
No, I know, I know.
It just it gets confusing.
I've been a lot of wrong about a lot of guys.
So where you headed? Um, airport.
Next leg of my tour.
[CHUCKLES.]
Fuck, I was really looking forward to spending time together.
[CHUCKLES.]
What's so funny? No, it's just, uh, the thought of us spending time together.
I mean, where are we gonna go? There's cameras fucking everywhere.
We really fucked this up, didn't we? I mean, this shit will eventually blow over, right? Sure.
Then what? So that's it? We just never see each other again? [SIGHS.]
It's amazing, isn't it? A guy brought me here once.
- I was new to the city - Hmm.
full of hopes and dreams.
I come back every once in a while.
Try to recapture the feeling.
It gets harder and harder.
I gotta go.
- Fuck.
- I know.
I'm so I'm so sorry.
I know this fucks with your life, and it's my mistake.
Nah, no, no, no, I don't regret anything.
- Me neither.
- [CHUCKLES.]
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
I'll see you.
Yeah.
This is my blues 'Cause I'm back down on my own again This is the blues I'm playing Yes, it's a fine old thing When the night is cold and lonely This is a Dolla Bill beat.
Totin' them pistols and severing them addicts That was exciting to me, was so excited to be Started with nothing, we had to inspire to be Niggas ain't flyer than me, I'm getting to it Feel like the man, I got a plan I call the shooters, they hop out the van Play with the squad, get popped like a Xan Popped like a Perc, I'm going HAM I'm going crazy on niggas, too wavy for niggas Do magic like alakazam I'm in the kitchen, compressin' a birdie Take it to Atlanta and I sell it for 30 Then straight to the jeweler, I'm bustin' a Rollie To light up the city like Meechie 03 I got the plug, he send him up T Don't know these niggas, these niggas know me Even old niggas, they call me OG Young nigga, but I put it down We was on it when it wasn't around All of a sudden niggas wanna come around Stay over there, my G, do me one favor Take a few steps back 'Cause I'm back down on my own again And look at yourself Matter of fact, take yourself outside your body And then look at yourself And see how you playin' yourself, nigga This is the blues I'm playing Congratulations It's the motherfuckin' Chasers Yes, it's a fine old thing You feel me? [DOG GROWLS.]