Wolf Lake (2011) s01e09 Episode Script
If These Wolves Could Talk
( Barking ) Yeah, yeah we have special plans for you, little girl.
We're gonna mate you with a Pit Bull from Las Vegas.
Soon as you go into heat.
( Bell ringing ) I've got your prepaid gas masks out here.
If you know how to use them, I can just leave them here, or I can do a quick demo.
Your call.
( buzzer ) Oh.
All right.
Oh, boy.
All right, now you just need to sign for me right down here.
Line Three.
All right, just to show that you received delivery.
All right, I'm sorry I'm late, fellas, but boy, these are top-of-the-line masks.
And they have really become popular lately, let me tell you.
All right, now here's what we're gonna do.
Okay, now.
All right, you know it's really very simple.
But if you ever really need one of these suckers, boy, you guys better watch what I do real closely here, okay? So, you just take the cap and put it on, just like that, all right? Now, if you put it on correctly, then you should be able to breathe without inhaling any of this knockout agent that I put in this aerosol.
( Coughing ) Any questions? No? I know what you're thinking.
You're asking yourself, "Now why would Professor Arthur Van Halen go to all his trouble just to rescue a wolf?" Because I know who you are.
(Music plays) ( wolf howling ) You hear that howl, ladies and gentlemen? The cry of the Alpha Wolf! Recorded by yours truly in the wilds of Romania, captured at great personal risk to me.
And if my theories are correct, that plaintive wail will allow me to identify the leader of this deadly and secretive tribe of shapeshifters.
Ah, a word of thanks to my faithful web audience.
Without your continuing financial support, my courage, dedication and perseverance would be worthless.
Thanks to your help, and that of my mole in Wolf Lake, I'll soon have physical evidence that the violent, godless Wolf en live and breed in our midst.
God, I'm excited by that, aren't you? Okay, one sec.
Incidentally, folks, I have posted the results of the blood and bone marrow samples.
Preliminary evidence indicates her DNA is almost entirely human.
You want to do a little transformation for the folks? Hmm? No? That's okay.
You'll serve your purpose.
Oh, before I forget, folks.
The transformation of the Alpha will be a free event for anyone without the proper media credentials.
Okay? Two barbecue beef combos, one venison chili, one neck bone platter, four Dr.
Peppers, please.
I was there I did not see you guys.
Kit, you've got to take this to Booth One.
I can't go over there.
Oh.
No, you shouldn't.
Luke Cates should know he can't play you the way he did.
That was low.
Even for a Hill Kid.
Just don't say anything.
Don't worry.
.
.
I won't.
Promise.
Where you want this, the middle of the table? Hey, isn't this Sophia's section? Yeah.
You see the sign that says we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.
She's just reserving her right.
Sounds like someone's pouting.
Shut up.
Hey, Presley with her mouth shut.
Well, there's breaking news.
Hey, easy.
Can you tell me why Sophia's so pissed off at me? Well, outside the fact that you're a total perv and a two-face and you don't really care about anybody else's feelings but your own, I don't know.
Hey ' Is this about me and Presley? 'Cause it's no big deal, she doesn't mean anything to me.
- Does anybody? - You know what Sophia, if I knew that you were gonna get all bent out of shape about this, I would've never invited you over to the lake.
When you said, "show up at the Rave," I didn't know think you meant, "come watch me do my girlfriend.
" Presley is not my girlfriend and I never meant for you to see that.
Oh, that makes it all better, huh? You didn't mean it.
And I'm just a hysterical person who freaks out over nothing.
- God, Sophia-- - Just Just forget what I said, okay? That was stupid and not me at all.
It's obvious that you're going through a tough time right now.
And so am I.
So I just want to be your friend, Luke.
But that's all.
Well, if it's not too much trouble, I wouldn't mind having the same guy show up here who showed up for work every day at the Seattle P.
D.
I hired that guy.
I want that focus.
I want that performance.
I'm doing my job.
Apparently, your job revolves around one single case: The alleged disappearance of Ruby Cates.
Now, granted we run a very small operation here, but we do have one or two other outstanding investigations.
And every now and then it does my heart really good for us to solve a crime and arrest somebody.
Excuse me, but somebody tried to kill me.
You know, burn me alive.
Call me crazy, but I'd go out on a limb and label that as a crime.
There's no corroborating evidence, and it would be my pleasure to call you crazy.
You want to hear my theory or not? I'm gonna go with not.
It has to do with the church you have around here.
It's some kind of a cult.
Will Cates was in it and so was his wife, but Ruby didn't want any part of it.
She tried to run away, escape, have a normal life, but they wouldn't let her.
They kidnapped her and brought her back.
She's here-- I know it.
I'm getting closer, which is why someone tried to kill me.
Okay, my theory goes like this.
The County pays you to work, not to pursue your private conspiracy paranoia.
Kanin, you're letting your personal demons bring you down.
Do you want to get fired from two police departments? As far as I'm concerned, Ruby Cates is still an open case.
Okay, you know what? I can't stop you from wasting your time, but I can sure as hell stop you from wasting mine.
Why do you always try to protect these people? Look on the badge: "To protect and to serve.
" Stick with that.
Oh, hi.
Sorry, I didn't see you.
Who's he looking for? Oh, it's a long story.
Oh.
Can I help you with something? Yeah, yeah, I'm hunting for wolves.
Oh.
I'm Art Van Halen, federal Wildlife Management officer.
We had some reports that a white wolf has been up in this area.
We thought we better come up and check it out.
White wolf? Those are pretty rare, aren't they? They should be even rarer around here.
The wolf reintroduction program has only three specific sites in the United States.
This isn't one of them.
Makes us kinda of curious.
(Music plays) ( whimpering ) I think we would hear about wolf before you would.
We haven't had a single sighting, have we, Molly? Nope, we haven't.
That's probably a good thing.
Yeah, well, anyway, just in case you hear of anything We'll call you immediately.
And the same goes for you too.
Oh, you betcha.
Okay, then .
Why the smile? It's historic.
You, in that chair.
Congratulations.
You've added some new touches.
It's becoming.
Thank you.
Nevertheless, the job is still the same.
Job.
We're on official business.
Did you imagine anything else? You used to greet me in this skimpy little pink thing from Victoria's Secret.
I am not the last person who is going to be sit in this chair, Tyler.
Meaning what? Ruby's still missing.
Unaccounted for, again.
I found her before in Seattle.
I'll have her back in a day.
Two tops.
Her behavior is putting us at risk.
That's completely over the top.
Ruby is in a period of adjustment.
She's still test-driving the marriage.
Oh, now it's my turn to smile.
Huh.
You have feelings for her, don't you? Lovesick and Tyler, two words I never thought could exist in the same sentence.
You never believed I was a total thug.
I thought you were enough of one to keep Ruby in hand, because let me tell you something.
If you cannot find a way to control her, I will.
( Siren blaring ) (Music plays) Afternoon, Mrs.
Cates.
You can keep those.
I only wanted to inform you that I have reliable testimony that I know Ruby is in town.
Is that so? But you've known that all along, haven't you? You're sadly misguided.
You're all in this together, but I'm closing in.
I'm checking under every rock in this town.
Tomorrow, next week, next month One of you will slip up.
And I will find her.
M ay I go now? Sure.
Just remember You're being followed.
(Music plays) Apparently, so are you.
I am so done with that crowd.
It sure is easy to get sucked into the whole Hill thing.
I remember my first sexual fantasy starred Garth Whitlock.
He lived at top of the hill and he was totally evil.
Weird.
It's probably why I was so hot for him, though.
He made it.
Scott Nichols.
And who did he just break up with? Emery.
And when did you hook up? We haven't.
He's been circling for about a month, and today he'll learn that persistence pays off.
Hey, what's up? Uh I was just leaving.
Bye, Scott.
Oh, don't mess with my friend, or else you're gonna have to answer to me.
She's fun.
Come on .
So, I don't like starting conversations so I'm going to let you start.
I'm glad you came by.
Is there something crucial I should know about Luke Cates? He keeps staring at me.
Not in a loving way.
He's an animal.
Luke is not my boyfriend.
Really? Well, his eyes are getting all beady and mean and murderous like your basic serial killer who's watching some student government geek chatting up his woman.
Are you asking me out? Well, let's assess the potential damage.
A broken arm, maybe.
A skull fracture.
I could lose an eye.
But it would all be worth it for a night out with someone as awesome as you.
You say all the right things.
Should I trust someone who says all the right things ? Totally.
Ahh ( speaking foreign language ) Now keep your voice down.
There's one sitting there right at the bar.
Well, actually, she's a fox.
They have superhuman hearing.
You blow a dog whistle in here and the whole place would hit the deck.
Yes, of course.
You're right.
What? We're not on a birding expedition, son.
Oh, no.
You don't have to worry about me.
Now listen, I have been recording conversations, getting voice samples like you said.
Good.
What I really want to know is how to induce a transformation.
Now, I've got some theories.
A sixth Century chant I unearthed in the catacombs of the Magyar Church of St.
Vladimir No "bushwa" You're saying you don't think that would work? Go ahead, try it.
Watch 100,000 subscribers demand their money back.
Then what is the correct methodology? How much are they kicking in, by the way? My subscribers? Why do you care? Well, I was thinking that, for myself, I want 50% of the webcast receipts, first dollar off the gross and half of all the cassette revenues.
They'll want to see a transformation.
Or perhaps you don't mind having "quack" added to your resume.
And if I agree to these terms? Two words: Blood transfusion.
Huh.
The wolf secretes a hormone that's poisonous to the human endocrine system.
Why didn't I realize that ? As the blood from the wolf floods into a true shapeshifter, it triggers a transformation.
Oh, yes, of course.
Why didn't 1 think of that ? - That's fantastic! - Shh! 33% is as high as I'm prepared to go.
(Music plays) Hi there.
I'm John Kanin, Sheriff's Department.
Oh.
10% discount for police and firemen.
Thanks, really.
But actually I'm here on an investigation.
I need to look at all of your receipts for the Cates family.
Willard, Vivian, Luke Everything with the Cates' name on it.
Okay Oh, there we are.
Knock yourself out, chief.
Thanks.
Mrs.
V.
She's good people.
Gives me a honey-baked ham every Christmas.
And not the cheap supermarket kind either.
Real deal.
Spiral cut.
R.
Creed Who is this-- Why is this in here? My filing system isn't the greatest.
Things get misplaced.
According to this, these clothes haven't been picked up yet.
Is that so? I'll have to give 'em a call.
I'd like to see the cleaning if you don't mind? (Music plays) Each voice leaves a unique vocal print.
You can't disguise it.
Play the wolf howl.
( Wolf howling ) ( whimpering ) - Now what? - Steady, man.
Pay attention.
You record what I told you ? Faithfully.
Now play it.
Look for parallel voice patterns.
Preferably an exact match.
And there's your shapeshifter.
You are extraordinary.
You know what, I can't stop you from wasting your own time but I can certainly stop you from wasting mine.
No match.
Thank God they haven't infiltrated law enforcement.
We may need Donner before all is said and done.
Now play the next sample.
Just keep looking for the Alpha.
You force him to shapeshift and the rest of the clan goes bonkers.
Panic and disarray.
Now you said you knew how to force a transformation? Oh, I have an educated guess.
You, uh Transfuse the Alpha with the White Wolf's blood.
The Wolf en hormone will force him to transform.
Live.
On your website.
You'll be bigger than Howard Stern.
You know I am gonna give you a special mention when I'm on Oprah.
Oh, you flatter me.
Why do you always try to protect these people? ( Sample repeating ) John Kanin? He's so clean cut.
( Knocking ) (Music plays) Hello.
Thought I'd save somebody a trip.
I was at the cleaners.
They told me this belong to a "R.
Creed.
" It put this crazy thought in my head.
"R" wouldn't by any chance stand for "Ruby," would it ? Roxanne.
"R" is for Roxanne Creed.
My wife.
Oh, I didn't know that you were married.
Recently.
I don't believe I ever met the lucky woman.
You'd never forget her.
I'd love to see a picture.
Is this official business, deputy? Or just a heartwarming display of neighborliness in the best Wolf Lake spirit? We'll consider it the latter for now.
Well, then, thanks for saving me a trip.
See ya around.
Uh I'll take the dress.
We can't talk here.
I've got a strange feeling that you are not a Wildlife Management Officer.
Now that I know I can trust you, it's time to tell you everything.
Come on.
.
- To tell you the truth, there have been a lot of unsolved crimes in our town.
And it's always been the most disturbing part of my job.
Like the murder of Willard Cates for example? Oh, you know about that? That and the other cold cases might well be the product of Wolf en activity.
Wolf en? Better known to some as shapeshifters.
Skinwalkers.
In the vulgar vernacular: werewolves.
Do you know I have sat up many a night trying to find an explanation for a lot of the things that go on in this town and the only answer I've ever been able to wrap my brain around is the supernatural.
It is so reassuring to hear someone else say it.
Oh, there's plenty of us.
An entire network.
I can never follow up on my suspicions.
You say it too loudly around the office, the County Boys will shoot your ass full of psychotropics and they'll pension you out.
My entire professional life has been dedicated to discovering proof that the Wolf en exist.
Following ancient clues, I traced the movement of the pack across centuries of covert migration.
I tracked them across the face of Europe.
I documented their journey to the New Land.
And now, at long last, I have found them, Sheriff.
An entire colony of vile, human-hating Wolf en, descendants from the original pack.
Led in present by none other than your deputy sheriff, John Kanin.
My deputy sheriff is the leader of the werewolves? Their Alpha.
Oh, yes.
And I almost nominated him for the Kiwanis.
"The female white wolf is the most rarest of all the Wolf en, almost certain to be the mate for the Alpha male.
" Once I have exposed Mr.
Kanin, live on the Internet, then these hellish beasts will be totally overcome by us.
Our authorities will cordon them off, we'll be able to study them at our leisure.
What do you want me to do? Allow me a secure prisoner under which I can conduct my experiments.
I'll guarantee you the safety of your town.
Oh, professor, you have your perimeter.
Good.
Thank you, Sheriff.
Will you mind if I just hang onto this for a while? Because if I'm going to help you, I need to be just as informed as you are.
Oh, I definitely picked the right man for the job.
(Music plays) I have a confession to make.
Last night I stole your boyfriend.
In m dreams, of course.
Y Like I would ever do that to you in real life.
Do you think that means I'm jealous of you? I don't think that it does.
Was he cute? Well, he was at first.
But the he turned into Pastor Randolph.
I'm weird, huh? You're interesting.
You're ignoring me.
I'm not ignoring you.
I've been busy.
I know you've been busy.
Hanging out with that kid.
That jerk-off, that ungulate.
When you say things like that you better remember you're talking about me too.
Sophia, listen, I know that you're pissed, okay? I know that.
But I just wanted to let you know that the only reason I hooked up with Presley in the first place is because you decided you didn't want to have sex.
So, you see, I simply was respecting your decision.
Who said I didn't want to have sex? You said that.
No, I didn't.
I have a problem with flipping.
I'm not okay yet with being a creature.
But sex is a completely separate issue.
No, it's not.
No, not if you're afraid to flip.
And I hate to break it to you, but sex with me or anybody else for that matter is not gonna happen unless you get over that.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
How far can you go? At what point during the act does the change actually occur? You can go pretty far.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I can always like, tap you or something.
You know, right before you're about to go over the edge.
You are a piece of work.
Why don't we just hang out tonight? You want to do that? I have stuff to do.
Yeah? You hanging out with that guy? Maybe I am.
I don't want you to.
I can see whoever I want whenever I want.
Just because everyone else is afraid of you doesn't mean I am.
You tell me, man.
Is she psycho or am I just Yeah.
How much does he know? He knows about the white wolf.
He knows it has some special significance.
He knows the pack's history, its strengths and its weaknesses.
And he's going to broadcast his discovery all over the Internet.
A sexy story like that will break on the mainstream media in about 24 hours.
He could not have gotten this far without help.
What's the progress on Ruby? She would never give us up.
We can't rule anything out at this point.
So, we have one kook, one wayward wife.
Not to mention John Kanin.
Well, I think I can control him.
Tyler, what I'm about to say is not going to be easy.
Matt, I need to know that what we're about to discuss will be kept in total confidence.
Just this once.
Since Ruby is still unaccounted for, at large, I'm ordering a kill or a capture order.
It is to be effective immediately.
That's insane.
I'm sorry but it is necessary.
Will Cates would have never panicked like this.
My husband had a few faults, but one of them was that he was too lax regarding his daughter.
Well, I'm gonna find her first.
Let's hope so.
So, any big ideas on this Van Halen? JUSt one.
Homicide is not an option.
You? Well, this is your first test of leadership, Vivian, so it's "Geronimo" and hit the silk.
That's it? The sum total of the wisdom that's nurtured us for centuries.
"Geronimo"? Are you going to be as big a pain in the ass as your husband was? ( Knocking ) (Music plays) Listen, I don't have much time.
I know you're looking for someone.
Female.
I can take you to her.
But you've got to come with me right now.
Well, here it is.
My little slice of America.
Where is she? She's right over there.
( Whimpering ) (Music plays) Ladies and Gentlemen, it's show time.
Shakespeare wrote his first play at 27.
Orson Wells turned out "Citizen Kane," and Jim Morrison drank himself to death at that age.
By 27, you're either a follower or a leader.
A spectator or player.
A sayer or doer.
So, am I in the company of a doer? Definitely.
Not such a good idea kissing someone new after scarfing down a multi-ingredient pizza.
We both had the same pizza.
( Engine revving ) ( tires squealing ) Let's go ' Hey! - What are you doing? - C'mon.
She's staying with me.
Luke, stop it! Arthur: I just want to reassure everyone tuning in that no animal has suffered during any part of this experiment.
Okay? Oh, and also for those of you who are worried about the invasive nature of this operation, let me just say that not only am I a professor, but I am also a licensed RN, okay? All right, now What the heck is this for ? Oh, just kidding.
Okay, I'm gonna put this in here All right.
Once these hormones flood to our subject's bloodstream, they will, theoretically, trigger an automatic response, causing our Alpha male to alter his physiological makeup.
Or die.
I guess I should mention at this point that this clinical trial has not yet been completely approved by the FDA.
What are you gonna do? All right All right.
( "Ride of the Valkyries" playing ) ( music stops ) All right.
Boy, should be almost time now, folks .
Any minute now.
Hey! No, no, no! You're gonna ruin everything! Wait a minute! Don't, don't! Hey, don't! Your experiment is over, Professor.
All right, somebody call 9-1-1 and burn a CD of this assault.
My life is in danger.
Call 9-1-1! Have you lost your mind? Don't kill me, don't kill me.
I am in awe of your powers.
Your secret is secret with me.
Come on! Come on! Come on! You are so under arrest! Help, help! Somebody help me! Help me! Help! Somebody help me! This crazy freak was trying to fill me up with wolf's blood! No, I can explain that.
He's got a wolf in there and this bastard had me hook up to it-- I oughtta Just because he's shapeshifter.
He's a monster.
He's the leader of the Wolf en pack.
Sheriff, you remember? I told you about him.
I told you all about him.
I told you, I told you.
- The wolf is a person-- - Shut up! - Come on! - Watch the nails.
Oh my, God, she's one.
You all right? Yeah.
Welcome home, honey.
Look, she' s one.
Hey, he's one too.
Oh, my God, don't you understand? Watch your head.
You don't care but they are werewolves! They're shapeshifting devils! No, get out of here! You don't understand-- You can count on it! I'll be back! Wait a minute, what are you doing? Very elegant bit of crisis management, Madame Chairman.
Why, thank you, Sheriff.
Arthur: I am a visitor, you understand? Need a ride somewhere, Deputy? Preferably out of town.
You know you can't keep the truth locked up forever.
Every day you spend here, is a day spent wasting your life.
You saved me once.
Just returning the favor.
Run.
(Music plays) ( Crying ) Sophia.
Honey Daddy, you've gotta help me.
Honey, what happened? Daddy, help me.
(Music plays) man: Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.
(Music plays)
We're gonna mate you with a Pit Bull from Las Vegas.
Soon as you go into heat.
( Bell ringing ) I've got your prepaid gas masks out here.
If you know how to use them, I can just leave them here, or I can do a quick demo.
Your call.
( buzzer ) Oh.
All right.
Oh, boy.
All right, now you just need to sign for me right down here.
Line Three.
All right, just to show that you received delivery.
All right, I'm sorry I'm late, fellas, but boy, these are top-of-the-line masks.
And they have really become popular lately, let me tell you.
All right, now here's what we're gonna do.
Okay, now.
All right, you know it's really very simple.
But if you ever really need one of these suckers, boy, you guys better watch what I do real closely here, okay? So, you just take the cap and put it on, just like that, all right? Now, if you put it on correctly, then you should be able to breathe without inhaling any of this knockout agent that I put in this aerosol.
( Coughing ) Any questions? No? I know what you're thinking.
You're asking yourself, "Now why would Professor Arthur Van Halen go to all his trouble just to rescue a wolf?" Because I know who you are.
(Music plays) ( wolf howling ) You hear that howl, ladies and gentlemen? The cry of the Alpha Wolf! Recorded by yours truly in the wilds of Romania, captured at great personal risk to me.
And if my theories are correct, that plaintive wail will allow me to identify the leader of this deadly and secretive tribe of shapeshifters.
Ah, a word of thanks to my faithful web audience.
Without your continuing financial support, my courage, dedication and perseverance would be worthless.
Thanks to your help, and that of my mole in Wolf Lake, I'll soon have physical evidence that the violent, godless Wolf en live and breed in our midst.
God, I'm excited by that, aren't you? Okay, one sec.
Incidentally, folks, I have posted the results of the blood and bone marrow samples.
Preliminary evidence indicates her DNA is almost entirely human.
You want to do a little transformation for the folks? Hmm? No? That's okay.
You'll serve your purpose.
Oh, before I forget, folks.
The transformation of the Alpha will be a free event for anyone without the proper media credentials.
Okay? Two barbecue beef combos, one venison chili, one neck bone platter, four Dr.
Peppers, please.
I was there I did not see you guys.
Kit, you've got to take this to Booth One.
I can't go over there.
Oh.
No, you shouldn't.
Luke Cates should know he can't play you the way he did.
That was low.
Even for a Hill Kid.
Just don't say anything.
Don't worry.
.
.
I won't.
Promise.
Where you want this, the middle of the table? Hey, isn't this Sophia's section? Yeah.
You see the sign that says we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.
She's just reserving her right.
Sounds like someone's pouting.
Shut up.
Hey, Presley with her mouth shut.
Well, there's breaking news.
Hey, easy.
Can you tell me why Sophia's so pissed off at me? Well, outside the fact that you're a total perv and a two-face and you don't really care about anybody else's feelings but your own, I don't know.
Hey ' Is this about me and Presley? 'Cause it's no big deal, she doesn't mean anything to me.
- Does anybody? - You know what Sophia, if I knew that you were gonna get all bent out of shape about this, I would've never invited you over to the lake.
When you said, "show up at the Rave," I didn't know think you meant, "come watch me do my girlfriend.
" Presley is not my girlfriend and I never meant for you to see that.
Oh, that makes it all better, huh? You didn't mean it.
And I'm just a hysterical person who freaks out over nothing.
- God, Sophia-- - Just Just forget what I said, okay? That was stupid and not me at all.
It's obvious that you're going through a tough time right now.
And so am I.
So I just want to be your friend, Luke.
But that's all.
Well, if it's not too much trouble, I wouldn't mind having the same guy show up here who showed up for work every day at the Seattle P.
D.
I hired that guy.
I want that focus.
I want that performance.
I'm doing my job.
Apparently, your job revolves around one single case: The alleged disappearance of Ruby Cates.
Now, granted we run a very small operation here, but we do have one or two other outstanding investigations.
And every now and then it does my heart really good for us to solve a crime and arrest somebody.
Excuse me, but somebody tried to kill me.
You know, burn me alive.
Call me crazy, but I'd go out on a limb and label that as a crime.
There's no corroborating evidence, and it would be my pleasure to call you crazy.
You want to hear my theory or not? I'm gonna go with not.
It has to do with the church you have around here.
It's some kind of a cult.
Will Cates was in it and so was his wife, but Ruby didn't want any part of it.
She tried to run away, escape, have a normal life, but they wouldn't let her.
They kidnapped her and brought her back.
She's here-- I know it.
I'm getting closer, which is why someone tried to kill me.
Okay, my theory goes like this.
The County pays you to work, not to pursue your private conspiracy paranoia.
Kanin, you're letting your personal demons bring you down.
Do you want to get fired from two police departments? As far as I'm concerned, Ruby Cates is still an open case.
Okay, you know what? I can't stop you from wasting your time, but I can sure as hell stop you from wasting mine.
Why do you always try to protect these people? Look on the badge: "To protect and to serve.
" Stick with that.
Oh, hi.
Sorry, I didn't see you.
Who's he looking for? Oh, it's a long story.
Oh.
Can I help you with something? Yeah, yeah, I'm hunting for wolves.
Oh.
I'm Art Van Halen, federal Wildlife Management officer.
We had some reports that a white wolf has been up in this area.
We thought we better come up and check it out.
White wolf? Those are pretty rare, aren't they? They should be even rarer around here.
The wolf reintroduction program has only three specific sites in the United States.
This isn't one of them.
Makes us kinda of curious.
(Music plays) ( whimpering ) I think we would hear about wolf before you would.
We haven't had a single sighting, have we, Molly? Nope, we haven't.
That's probably a good thing.
Yeah, well, anyway, just in case you hear of anything We'll call you immediately.
And the same goes for you too.
Oh, you betcha.
Okay, then .
Why the smile? It's historic.
You, in that chair.
Congratulations.
You've added some new touches.
It's becoming.
Thank you.
Nevertheless, the job is still the same.
Job.
We're on official business.
Did you imagine anything else? You used to greet me in this skimpy little pink thing from Victoria's Secret.
I am not the last person who is going to be sit in this chair, Tyler.
Meaning what? Ruby's still missing.
Unaccounted for, again.
I found her before in Seattle.
I'll have her back in a day.
Two tops.
Her behavior is putting us at risk.
That's completely over the top.
Ruby is in a period of adjustment.
She's still test-driving the marriage.
Oh, now it's my turn to smile.
Huh.
You have feelings for her, don't you? Lovesick and Tyler, two words I never thought could exist in the same sentence.
You never believed I was a total thug.
I thought you were enough of one to keep Ruby in hand, because let me tell you something.
If you cannot find a way to control her, I will.
( Siren blaring ) (Music plays) Afternoon, Mrs.
Cates.
You can keep those.
I only wanted to inform you that I have reliable testimony that I know Ruby is in town.
Is that so? But you've known that all along, haven't you? You're sadly misguided.
You're all in this together, but I'm closing in.
I'm checking under every rock in this town.
Tomorrow, next week, next month One of you will slip up.
And I will find her.
M ay I go now? Sure.
Just remember You're being followed.
(Music plays) Apparently, so are you.
I am so done with that crowd.
It sure is easy to get sucked into the whole Hill thing.
I remember my first sexual fantasy starred Garth Whitlock.
He lived at top of the hill and he was totally evil.
Weird.
It's probably why I was so hot for him, though.
He made it.
Scott Nichols.
And who did he just break up with? Emery.
And when did you hook up? We haven't.
He's been circling for about a month, and today he'll learn that persistence pays off.
Hey, what's up? Uh I was just leaving.
Bye, Scott.
Oh, don't mess with my friend, or else you're gonna have to answer to me.
She's fun.
Come on .
So, I don't like starting conversations so I'm going to let you start.
I'm glad you came by.
Is there something crucial I should know about Luke Cates? He keeps staring at me.
Not in a loving way.
He's an animal.
Luke is not my boyfriend.
Really? Well, his eyes are getting all beady and mean and murderous like your basic serial killer who's watching some student government geek chatting up his woman.
Are you asking me out? Well, let's assess the potential damage.
A broken arm, maybe.
A skull fracture.
I could lose an eye.
But it would all be worth it for a night out with someone as awesome as you.
You say all the right things.
Should I trust someone who says all the right things ? Totally.
Ahh ( speaking foreign language ) Now keep your voice down.
There's one sitting there right at the bar.
Well, actually, she's a fox.
They have superhuman hearing.
You blow a dog whistle in here and the whole place would hit the deck.
Yes, of course.
You're right.
What? We're not on a birding expedition, son.
Oh, no.
You don't have to worry about me.
Now listen, I have been recording conversations, getting voice samples like you said.
Good.
What I really want to know is how to induce a transformation.
Now, I've got some theories.
A sixth Century chant I unearthed in the catacombs of the Magyar Church of St.
Vladimir No "bushwa" You're saying you don't think that would work? Go ahead, try it.
Watch 100,000 subscribers demand their money back.
Then what is the correct methodology? How much are they kicking in, by the way? My subscribers? Why do you care? Well, I was thinking that, for myself, I want 50% of the webcast receipts, first dollar off the gross and half of all the cassette revenues.
They'll want to see a transformation.
Or perhaps you don't mind having "quack" added to your resume.
And if I agree to these terms? Two words: Blood transfusion.
Huh.
The wolf secretes a hormone that's poisonous to the human endocrine system.
Why didn't I realize that ? As the blood from the wolf floods into a true shapeshifter, it triggers a transformation.
Oh, yes, of course.
Why didn't 1 think of that ? - That's fantastic! - Shh! 33% is as high as I'm prepared to go.
(Music plays) Hi there.
I'm John Kanin, Sheriff's Department.
Oh.
10% discount for police and firemen.
Thanks, really.
But actually I'm here on an investigation.
I need to look at all of your receipts for the Cates family.
Willard, Vivian, Luke Everything with the Cates' name on it.
Okay Oh, there we are.
Knock yourself out, chief.
Thanks.
Mrs.
V.
She's good people.
Gives me a honey-baked ham every Christmas.
And not the cheap supermarket kind either.
Real deal.
Spiral cut.
R.
Creed Who is this-- Why is this in here? My filing system isn't the greatest.
Things get misplaced.
According to this, these clothes haven't been picked up yet.
Is that so? I'll have to give 'em a call.
I'd like to see the cleaning if you don't mind? (Music plays) Each voice leaves a unique vocal print.
You can't disguise it.
Play the wolf howl.
( Wolf howling ) ( whimpering ) - Now what? - Steady, man.
Pay attention.
You record what I told you ? Faithfully.
Now play it.
Look for parallel voice patterns.
Preferably an exact match.
And there's your shapeshifter.
You are extraordinary.
You know what, I can't stop you from wasting your own time but I can certainly stop you from wasting mine.
No match.
Thank God they haven't infiltrated law enforcement.
We may need Donner before all is said and done.
Now play the next sample.
Just keep looking for the Alpha.
You force him to shapeshift and the rest of the clan goes bonkers.
Panic and disarray.
Now you said you knew how to force a transformation? Oh, I have an educated guess.
You, uh Transfuse the Alpha with the White Wolf's blood.
The Wolf en hormone will force him to transform.
Live.
On your website.
You'll be bigger than Howard Stern.
You know I am gonna give you a special mention when I'm on Oprah.
Oh, you flatter me.
Why do you always try to protect these people? ( Sample repeating ) John Kanin? He's so clean cut.
( Knocking ) (Music plays) Hello.
Thought I'd save somebody a trip.
I was at the cleaners.
They told me this belong to a "R.
Creed.
" It put this crazy thought in my head.
"R" wouldn't by any chance stand for "Ruby," would it ? Roxanne.
"R" is for Roxanne Creed.
My wife.
Oh, I didn't know that you were married.
Recently.
I don't believe I ever met the lucky woman.
You'd never forget her.
I'd love to see a picture.
Is this official business, deputy? Or just a heartwarming display of neighborliness in the best Wolf Lake spirit? We'll consider it the latter for now.
Well, then, thanks for saving me a trip.
See ya around.
Uh I'll take the dress.
We can't talk here.
I've got a strange feeling that you are not a Wildlife Management Officer.
Now that I know I can trust you, it's time to tell you everything.
Come on.
.
- To tell you the truth, there have been a lot of unsolved crimes in our town.
And it's always been the most disturbing part of my job.
Like the murder of Willard Cates for example? Oh, you know about that? That and the other cold cases might well be the product of Wolf en activity.
Wolf en? Better known to some as shapeshifters.
Skinwalkers.
In the vulgar vernacular: werewolves.
Do you know I have sat up many a night trying to find an explanation for a lot of the things that go on in this town and the only answer I've ever been able to wrap my brain around is the supernatural.
It is so reassuring to hear someone else say it.
Oh, there's plenty of us.
An entire network.
I can never follow up on my suspicions.
You say it too loudly around the office, the County Boys will shoot your ass full of psychotropics and they'll pension you out.
My entire professional life has been dedicated to discovering proof that the Wolf en exist.
Following ancient clues, I traced the movement of the pack across centuries of covert migration.
I tracked them across the face of Europe.
I documented their journey to the New Land.
And now, at long last, I have found them, Sheriff.
An entire colony of vile, human-hating Wolf en, descendants from the original pack.
Led in present by none other than your deputy sheriff, John Kanin.
My deputy sheriff is the leader of the werewolves? Their Alpha.
Oh, yes.
And I almost nominated him for the Kiwanis.
"The female white wolf is the most rarest of all the Wolf en, almost certain to be the mate for the Alpha male.
" Once I have exposed Mr.
Kanin, live on the Internet, then these hellish beasts will be totally overcome by us.
Our authorities will cordon them off, we'll be able to study them at our leisure.
What do you want me to do? Allow me a secure prisoner under which I can conduct my experiments.
I'll guarantee you the safety of your town.
Oh, professor, you have your perimeter.
Good.
Thank you, Sheriff.
Will you mind if I just hang onto this for a while? Because if I'm going to help you, I need to be just as informed as you are.
Oh, I definitely picked the right man for the job.
(Music plays) I have a confession to make.
Last night I stole your boyfriend.
In m dreams, of course.
Y Like I would ever do that to you in real life.
Do you think that means I'm jealous of you? I don't think that it does.
Was he cute? Well, he was at first.
But the he turned into Pastor Randolph.
I'm weird, huh? You're interesting.
You're ignoring me.
I'm not ignoring you.
I've been busy.
I know you've been busy.
Hanging out with that kid.
That jerk-off, that ungulate.
When you say things like that you better remember you're talking about me too.
Sophia, listen, I know that you're pissed, okay? I know that.
But I just wanted to let you know that the only reason I hooked up with Presley in the first place is because you decided you didn't want to have sex.
So, you see, I simply was respecting your decision.
Who said I didn't want to have sex? You said that.
No, I didn't.
I have a problem with flipping.
I'm not okay yet with being a creature.
But sex is a completely separate issue.
No, it's not.
No, not if you're afraid to flip.
And I hate to break it to you, but sex with me or anybody else for that matter is not gonna happen unless you get over that.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
How far can you go? At what point during the act does the change actually occur? You can go pretty far.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I mean, I can always like, tap you or something.
You know, right before you're about to go over the edge.
You are a piece of work.
Why don't we just hang out tonight? You want to do that? I have stuff to do.
Yeah? You hanging out with that guy? Maybe I am.
I don't want you to.
I can see whoever I want whenever I want.
Just because everyone else is afraid of you doesn't mean I am.
You tell me, man.
Is she psycho or am I just Yeah.
How much does he know? He knows about the white wolf.
He knows it has some special significance.
He knows the pack's history, its strengths and its weaknesses.
And he's going to broadcast his discovery all over the Internet.
A sexy story like that will break on the mainstream media in about 24 hours.
He could not have gotten this far without help.
What's the progress on Ruby? She would never give us up.
We can't rule anything out at this point.
So, we have one kook, one wayward wife.
Not to mention John Kanin.
Well, I think I can control him.
Tyler, what I'm about to say is not going to be easy.
Matt, I need to know that what we're about to discuss will be kept in total confidence.
Just this once.
Since Ruby is still unaccounted for, at large, I'm ordering a kill or a capture order.
It is to be effective immediately.
That's insane.
I'm sorry but it is necessary.
Will Cates would have never panicked like this.
My husband had a few faults, but one of them was that he was too lax regarding his daughter.
Well, I'm gonna find her first.
Let's hope so.
So, any big ideas on this Van Halen? JUSt one.
Homicide is not an option.
You? Well, this is your first test of leadership, Vivian, so it's "Geronimo" and hit the silk.
That's it? The sum total of the wisdom that's nurtured us for centuries.
"Geronimo"? Are you going to be as big a pain in the ass as your husband was? ( Knocking ) (Music plays) Listen, I don't have much time.
I know you're looking for someone.
Female.
I can take you to her.
But you've got to come with me right now.
Well, here it is.
My little slice of America.
Where is she? She's right over there.
( Whimpering ) (Music plays) Ladies and Gentlemen, it's show time.
Shakespeare wrote his first play at 27.
Orson Wells turned out "Citizen Kane," and Jim Morrison drank himself to death at that age.
By 27, you're either a follower or a leader.
A spectator or player.
A sayer or doer.
So, am I in the company of a doer? Definitely.
Not such a good idea kissing someone new after scarfing down a multi-ingredient pizza.
We both had the same pizza.
( Engine revving ) ( tires squealing ) Let's go ' Hey! - What are you doing? - C'mon.
She's staying with me.
Luke, stop it! Arthur: I just want to reassure everyone tuning in that no animal has suffered during any part of this experiment.
Okay? Oh, and also for those of you who are worried about the invasive nature of this operation, let me just say that not only am I a professor, but I am also a licensed RN, okay? All right, now What the heck is this for ? Oh, just kidding.
Okay, I'm gonna put this in here All right.
Once these hormones flood to our subject's bloodstream, they will, theoretically, trigger an automatic response, causing our Alpha male to alter his physiological makeup.
Or die.
I guess I should mention at this point that this clinical trial has not yet been completely approved by the FDA.
What are you gonna do? All right All right.
( "Ride of the Valkyries" playing ) ( music stops ) All right.
Boy, should be almost time now, folks .
Any minute now.
Hey! No, no, no! You're gonna ruin everything! Wait a minute! Don't, don't! Hey, don't! Your experiment is over, Professor.
All right, somebody call 9-1-1 and burn a CD of this assault.
My life is in danger.
Call 9-1-1! Have you lost your mind? Don't kill me, don't kill me.
I am in awe of your powers.
Your secret is secret with me.
Come on! Come on! Come on! You are so under arrest! Help, help! Somebody help me! Help me! Help! Somebody help me! This crazy freak was trying to fill me up with wolf's blood! No, I can explain that.
He's got a wolf in there and this bastard had me hook up to it-- I oughtta Just because he's shapeshifter.
He's a monster.
He's the leader of the Wolf en pack.
Sheriff, you remember? I told you about him.
I told you all about him.
I told you, I told you.
- The wolf is a person-- - Shut up! - Come on! - Watch the nails.
Oh my, God, she's one.
You all right? Yeah.
Welcome home, honey.
Look, she' s one.
Hey, he's one too.
Oh, my God, don't you understand? Watch your head.
You don't care but they are werewolves! They're shapeshifting devils! No, get out of here! You don't understand-- You can count on it! I'll be back! Wait a minute, what are you doing? Very elegant bit of crisis management, Madame Chairman.
Why, thank you, Sheriff.
Arthur: I am a visitor, you understand? Need a ride somewhere, Deputy? Preferably out of town.
You know you can't keep the truth locked up forever.
Every day you spend here, is a day spent wasting your life.
You saved me once.
Just returning the favor.
Run.
(Music plays) ( Crying ) Sophia.
Honey Daddy, you've gotta help me.
Honey, what happened? Daddy, help me.
(Music plays) man: Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.
(Music plays)