Wonderland (2013) s01e09 Episode Script
Exes
B&S ball, 1978.
I remember a young girl that was quite taken with my foreplay on that infamous occasion.
I made you work for that.
You did it to me, and before that, there was Jasmine, there was Claudia Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't need all this.
I remember their names.
Shay.
Kristen.
Take a good look, Miranda.
This is how it ends.
When I see a woman in my kitchen, Mum, I'm gone.
Yes, and then we all have to mop up after you.
How is Shay these days? Oh, here it is.
Ah.
OK.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
We choose free-range.
They're barn-laid, not caged.
Yeah! Take it from a vet's ex.
It's a myth they're any less humane.
But they're all cooped up! They need to be liberated! They've got to be free to peck around, shake a tail feather.
Tom, is that you? Oh, my goodness, is this your new girlfriend? Oh I'm Shay.
Um You two look perfect together.
Sorry.
Sorry, I'm just really happy for you.
We should probably Of course.
Yeah.
Oh, I'll see you round.
OK.
I hope.
What was your name? Oh, Miranda.
'Bye, Miranda.
'Bye.
Don't say anything.
Wouldn't even dream of it.
You owe me five bucks.
Oh, the only reason you got to your line faster was 'cause the checkout chick was trying to impress you.
Well, does the motivation even matter? My line was shorter.
Tom.
Miranda.
I'm surprised to see you two together.
Saw your car.
Thought I'd wait and say hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
You're impossible! You still owe me five bucks.
And two weeks' rent.
It's coming! It's coming.
Ohhh.
I think Kristen left you a present.
That's what comes from being free-range, Tom.
Oh, thank you.
Darling, do you think your suitcases could make it to the bedroom? Hey, when did you get in? Just now.
I told you what time I was arriving.
What, are you losing your memory already? Lost interest, Dad, not my memory.
Ha-ha! Warwick's trying to make himself feel better about turning 55! Oh, thank you, Miranda.
You can stay.
Uh, you and Steve want to join us for lunch tomorrow? Oh, yeah, sure.
Why not? The more, the merrier.
Tom, can you drive? Sure.
I wouldn't ask, except I'm a responsible drinker and I don't want to risk losing my licence for drink driving.
Yeah, I'll be very glad when you get your licence back too, Mum.
Then I don't have to be your delivery boy.
'Bye.
See ya.
See ya.
So, what shall we do now? We could go for a walk past Wylie's Baths.
I don't think you've seen that new boardwalk.
I'm a bit knackered.
Ocean breeze, lovely sunset? Oh, let's just watch the news first.
I want to see who's shooting who in the world.
Nice couch.
You been splashing my money around? We'd had the old one forever.
I'm teasing.
It's comfy.
Come here.
There you go, eh? Dad'd love to see you both.
Oh, I'd love to see him too, but I've got to cook for FAT night.
Yeah, and I've got a lunch.
Oh, well, your loss.
Thanks for the late notice, though.
No worries.
Can you pass on our apologies? I will.
Well, why don't you invite them over for dinner tomorrow? I'm gonna have heaps of food.
OK.
That'd be great.
Yeah.
I gotta go.
Oh.
'Bye.
See ya.
Ciao.
Thanks for the beer.
So, what lunch have you got on? Just a meeting with an ex-colleague.
Anyone I know? I don't think so.
Does he have a name? Zoe.
Have I heard of him before? Probably not.
There's not much to hear.
So, where do you know this ex-colleague Zoe from? From work, but she got transferred interstate, so we just catch up whenever she's in town.
Oh, my God! Where did you learn to do that? I think it was Venezuela.
That was a rhetorical question.
It's what? I didn't actually want to know the answer.
Then why did you ask me? If you ask me something, I'll tell you.
Really? Yeah.
I don't have anything to hide.
Well, how many people have you actually slept with? Honestly, I don't know.
Give me an estimate.
Is it several? Maybe a few more.
Numerous.
Probably.
Yeah.
A roomful.
Mm, yeah, something like that.
What are we talking, a lecture hall or an entertainment centre? Come on! You just said you'd tell me anything.
I-I really don't know.
What, double or triple figures? Yeah, I Yeah, something like that.
Oh, yum, is that for dinner? Lunch tomorrow.
Mum said not to bring anything.
Rob, people say that, but they almost never mean it.
We should have got them a present.
Anniversaries are so big in your family.
Mum was very clear on that.
No presents.
Well, I got them some really nice handmade chocolates.
Hm! Maybe I should just try Don't you dare.
Relax, will you? It's just lunch at my parents' house.
I know, but we haven't seen your family in ages.
That's 'cause we avoid it.
We should make more of an effort.
Oh! It fell into my mouth! How many exactly? I don't know.
It's not like I keep a score sheet.
Well, you must know, roughly.
Oh, yes, roughly.
What about you? Less than you.
So like a bus load.
I don't sleep with men on the first date.
Usually.
Well, how long do you make them wait? Five dates.
Five dates? Who did you go out with, the 12 Apostles? I can tell you their names and their birthdays I don't want to know.
Bet you can't even name yours.
Angelica, Monica, Maria Stop! Stop, stop.
Rhetorical again.
Yes.
So, where are we going for this lunch extravaganza of yours? I told you, it's a surprise.
Does it have any hats? What? OK, no hats.
Starts with 'M'.
'M'.
'M'.
'M'.
Three words.
Made In Italy.
Oh! Where else would we go? We've been there a hundred times! It's our restaurant! This city is full of other amazing restaurants! I love Made In Italy.
So it's seafood platter and garlic bread.
And your pavlova for dessert.
I have ordered you the most beautiful cake.
There's a fabulous bakery down the road.
People queue to buy the cheesecake.
I love your pavlova! I haven't made one.
You've got time! When, now?! What about the cake I've ordered? I'll be at Tom's workshop if you need me.
What could I possibly need you for? Does this look OK? It looks fine.
They've all looked fine.
I want better than "fine".
Fine is really not fine.
But Mum loves your style.
She's always complimenting you on it.
Mm, sort of.
I don't like this top either.
OK, I'm just wearing jeans.
So, do you think Jenny will be there? How should I know, babe? She's my ex-girlfriend.
They all keep photos of her all around the house.
She's like the daughter-in-law they never had.
Baby, did you Have you said anything to them about us? No, of course not.
It's justyour mum doesn't really like me much.
I need to be prepared.
That is ridiculous! She loves you! You can see why I wasn't rapt.
Yeah, but if you can earn a quid out of it I'm sticking my name on it, Dad! I'm trying to build a reputation, you know? A brand.
Well, I suppose that's important.
You suppose? No.
It is.
Believe me.
Got your bank transfer, by the way.
I suppose it makes it a bit easier, splitting the rent with Miranda.
Yeah! Yep, she's awesome.
When it comes to rent, she's really reliable.
Hope that's not part of your brand.
Bit fluffy.
Funny.
That's That's Miranda.
Still nothing happening there? It'scomplicated.
You still like her, though.
Oh, yeah.
Nothing's gonna happen there, Dad.
Then make something happen! Mate, you're almost 30.
Time to move forward, don't you think? Grab me the glue.
I hope I got it right.
This was a bit of an experiment.
You know Mum's gonna have enough salad to feed a footy team.
Yeah, but she always puts beetroot in hers and I can't eat it, so I thought I'd bring this one too.
Maybe she doesn't know about the beetroot.
Oh, she knows.
Look, it's Mum's signature salad.
Alright.
Technically, since it's your FAT night, shouldn't you be the one doing the cleaning up? Technically, do you want to sleep on the couch tonight? Hey, why don't I come to lunch with you and Zoe today? Don't you need to cook? No, I've got time.
I'm on top of it.
I thought it'd be nice to meet your friend.
Oh, yeah, it would.
Did you two ever go out? No.
Oh, well, once.
But nothing ever happened.
We didn't even kiss.
But you wanted to.
Not really.
Does she know you're married? Well, last time I saw her, we weren't.
But allall our wedding photos are on my Facebook.
I just She might not know, you know? I mean, if she did, she would have invited me.
Yeah, you're probably right.
I mean, you are right.
Good.
Great.
Well, you can call her and tell her I'm coming.
You know, so there are no surprises.
OK, if you're sure you have time.
Oh, I'm sure.
Oh, that's right.
We're out of milk.
I will call her on the way.
Oh, I'm here! I'm here.
It's OK.
Mum's late too.
Oh, God! Hey, why is it so big? I got it framed.
Oh.
You know, the only thing I usually do for Dad's birthday is show up.
Yeah, and that's why this'll be a nice surprise.
How much was it? It was Ooh! - Sh - Hello? Shay.
Tom, are you there? Hey, um Thanks for answering.
I'm so sorry for crying when I saw you yesterday.
Are you drunk-dialling? I can't talk to you right now.
I've just gone Oh! She's She's really happy for you, Tom.
Huh.
She's I'm not touching that one.
Oh, take your time! What are you, like, 55? Blame your mother.
I'll take the pav.
Are you OK there? Oh, no! Oh, honey, we're not doing lunch anymore.
When did that happen? I called Zoe, and turns out she had to cancel.
Oh.
Sorry.
So it's definitely not happening, then? Well, she suggested early evening drinks instead.
Early evening.
I'll be home in time for dinner.
Oh, how convenient it's at a time when I can't go.
Oh, you're not serious.
Why did you have to go outside to call her? What? I didn't.
I was getting milk.
Fine, that's it.
You're not going.
No drinks for you.
You can't forbid me.
How would you feel if I went out with one of my exes? Like Naked Crying Pilot? You said you never respected him.
Alright then, Gay Blair.
Well, he's gay, so he's not really a threat, is he? Fine.
Catwalk Caleb.
I might text him right now and see if he feels like catching up tomorrow.
You can do what you want, but I'm going to drinks with Zoe.
You're being unreasonable.
Hello, hello! About time you got here.
I thought you'd changed your mind again.
Colette! Hi.
Just a little something for lunch.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
I told her that.
But you'll love this.
Colette's a great cook.
She won our lasagne bake-off.
My money's on her to win the curry too.
Mm, well done you! Well, this looks very exotic.
Thank you.
Oh, what sweet little slippers.
Would you call them slippers? Oh, uh, probably just shoes.
And some chocolates.
Uh-uh-uh-uh! He's got cholesterol.
And I'm on a diet.
Take them into the salon.
Oh, there's a good idea.
The customers would love them.
Yeah.
OK, boys, come outside.
I want to show you something.
Come on, Dad, I've already seen it.
Robbie hasn't.
Come on! I'll come too.
I'd love to see it.
Sorry, love.
Secret men's business.
So, ladies, shall we get the lunch ready? Just you wait.
Best seafood platter in Sydney.
The place looks exactly the same.
Doesn't it? Darling, happy birthday again.
Ah! Cooking lessons.
Why would I need cooking lessons when I've got you, darling? And this is from us.
Ooh.
Rather large.
Oh, my goodness! Where did you get this? I borrowed an album from Mum a while back.
That's right.
Kristen wanted to look at your baby photos.
Jeez, that should have been a sign.
That's from when you first met, isn't it? Cherry-poppers B&S ball in Young.
Mac made us drive all the way down from Toowoomba.
Your mum was there from the city.
So why did you go? My cousin had just married a cherry farmer, which is why he calls it the cherry-poppers ball.
Yeah, yeah, Mum, I think she's heard of cherry-popping.
Oh, good, thank you very much.
Anyway, she wanted to set me up with one of his friends.
Oh, he didn't stand a chance, that bloke.
Once she saw me, well, she's only human.
You were a lot better-looking back then, Dad.
Easy! It must have been fate, hey? It's messing with my head.
Do you know, I've been thinking about it, OK? And let's say he's been sleeping with women for ten years.
If he's in triple figures, then he's averaging Do you have any idea what kind of ratio that is? He would have had dry spots.
Sure, and crazy sex summers.
It'd be longer for some women and shorter for others.
We've been going out for four months.
Yeah, and that makes you different.
Yeah, or well past my use-by date.
You don't really think that.
Is there such a thing as different, or is it just something that women say to make themselves feel better - "I'm different"? If no-one was different then no-one would ever get married.
Yeah, I guess not.
Steve wants to go and have a drink with an ex-colleague slash ex-one-date of his.
I hate those slashy relationships.
They are always murky.
Yeah, exactly.
I don't want him to go, but he says I'm being unreasonable.
Am I? What does she look like? How did I not think of that? I'll just Facey-stalk her.
What? How do you do that? Go into Steve's Facebook page and just search for her name.
Not that you've done this before.
No, of course not.
No, of course not, yeah.
Hey! She's me.
With bigger boobs.
She doesn't have your personality.
Oh, so you do think she's hotter.
What did you Dani, is that my Facebook account? No, it's mine.
Don't change the subject.
You want to go out for drinks with D-cup me.
You know I'm not a breasts man! I want you to cancel.
You should trust me.
Don't you trust me? No, I do trust you.
It's her I don't trust.
'Cause she's me.
Oh, dear.
We were hoping you might be off things like this at the moment.
You can't eat soft cheeses when you're pregnant.
Oh, right.
No.
Brie's still fine for me.
We're not in any hurry.
The clock's ticking.
Not very loudly.
You don't have any women's problems, do you? Yoo-hoo! Knock, knock! Hello! Jenny! Hi, Colette.
Hi, Jenny.
Hi! How are you? Hello, darling! Look at you.
I hope it's alright to just drop in.
Of course it is.
It's so good to see you, sweetheart.
Happy anniversary.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
Oh, it's alright.
Look, I know 30th anniversaries are supposed to be pearls and diamonds, but I couldn't quite stretch the budget that far.
It's beautiful.
And so thoughtful! Will you stay for lunch? No, no, I couldn't.
I just I wanted to drop the present by.
So I will see you later.
Mwah! 'Bye! Oh, I completely forgot.
I've got your blender in the car.
I'll grab it and I'll just bring it back.
Well, if you're going to do that, you might as well stay.
No, no, no.
I don't want to crash your family do.
You practically are family.
Stay.
We're about to eat.
Oh, Colette, can you grab my salad from the fridge? I'll set an extra plate.
Well, if you're sure.
You know how much I love your cooking.
Well, in that case, you're staying.
What can I do for you? You can open the wine.
Alrighty.
Hey, Harry, you're a guy.
Mm.
Is triple figures in ex-lovers a lot? Oh, uh Yeah.
That's the population of a small village.
So What's the two thirds? Oh, actually It's a good story.
Maybe another time.
I'm starting to obsess, which is number one on the "don't do with boyfriends" list.
What else is on the list? Do not allow thoughts of a guy to distract you from work.
Mm-hm.
Do not call him more than he calls you.
Yep.
Don't think that you can change him.
And do not obsess over his exes.
All of which I've done in the last week.
What am I doing, Harry? What am I doing in this relationship? Looks good, Mum.
It's a bit flat, isn't it? I didn't have the right mixer.
Well, you should have told me.
I would have brought it down for you.
So, Miranda, what's happened to what's-his-name? Hey, Dad, mind your own business.
Oh, no, it's alright.
Um, we split up.
He was never gonna move down from Toowoomba.
Well, he's a vet.
His income's from livestock.
I know, and I respect that, but I want my own career.
Good for you, Miranda.
So it's definitely over? Yeah, well, he's up there and I'm down here, so It's not that you were scared of commitment - Dad.
- That is so typical.
A woman wants more than farm life and you assume there's something wrong with them.
I was just asking.
It's insulting.
There's more to life than animals and babies and cooking.
If Miranda wants to explore that, she should.
I wasn't saying It's alright, it's alright.
It's alright.
Forget about it.
Mm.
What happened to the strawberries? I couldn't find any strawberries.
Not the same without strawberries.
Why does it have to be the same? It's what I like! Well, try something different! I made the damn thing, didn't I? And how much notice did you give me? Well, happy fucking birthday to me, then.
Now, Jenny, I know you don't like tomato sauce, but this chutney is mango-based, so try it.
I love your hair, Jenny.
Oh, thanks.
Mum did it for me at the salon last week.
She's not your mum, Jenny.
Robert, don't be so rude! She's not really my mum either.
She's the best mum ever.
Got yourself a fan club, love? Yeah, well, I always wanted a daughter, and now I have several.
Could you pass us the salad? Oh, yeah.
Ooh, um, that one looks a bit of a challenge.
I think I might just have Mum's.
So where do you get your hair done, Colette? It always looks so original.
A place round the corner.
Well, Sandy is great.
She's fantastic.
You should try coming down here! Yeah, maybe she will.
We're lucky to get you to lunch, let alone a haircut.
Well, Colette's a very busy person, Vic.
She doesn't have time to be hanging around the salon with me and the girls.
That's alright.
Horses for courses.
Mum, this salad is delicious! Did you cook the beetroot fresh this time? Sweetheart, don't speak with your mouth full.
Sorry, Mum.
Pass us some salad.
Oh, yeah.
Where's your stuff? Aren't you swimming? Probably not, no.
Well, I'm meant to be working on my assignment, so we need to make the most of this.
Carlos, I wanted to see you because I've been thinking about us.
Uh-huh.
I um, have always loathed those women who are obsessive, you know, the type that talk about their boyfriend .
.
analyse their relationships.
You're nothing like that.
And I never want to be.
I'm glad.
So I have to break up with you.
What? It's a pre-emptive strike.
You're crazy! I'm displaying a lot of the telltale signs.
Is there someone else? Yeah, about 200 other people.
You're not still thinking about that, are you? Yeah, I am, which is exactly my point.
I'm starting to become one of those women who are obsessive.
So stop thinking about it.
Get out of your head.
Enjoy the moment.
You're not taking me seriously.
I'm breaking up with you.
No, you're not.
Could you stop being difficult and listen? This doesn't make any sense.
You don't want to be like those obsessive women, so you're acting like an obsessive woman and ending a perfectly good relationship because you're obsessed with the idea you might become obsessive.
Can you stop saying "obsessive"? And you can't dump me before FAT night.
Come on.
Swim.
No, I'm not coming.
Yes, you are.
I just think I should be able to see who I want to see without all these trust issues.
I don't have trust issues.
You're a catch, babe.
Well, you've caught me.
She's just a friend, Dani.
She's a nice person.
You'd like her.
Well, why don't you invite her to dinner instead? I mean, if she wants to be your friend, then she'll come.
Call her.
Invite her.
Alright, 'bye.
I knew it! She She's busy! So what? She wasn't busy before when she was meeting you for drinks, but now that it's dinner with your wife, she can't come.
Oh! Maybe she wanted to talk business.
Oh, pff! Not buying it, buddy.
Does she flirt with you? What? Does she laugh at all your jokes? Dani.
Does she lean in when she talks to show off her big triple-G boobs? She is a flirt, and you love it! You're being silly.
Don't you walk away from me! I'm setting the table.
How many people are coming? Not a boob man! We've got Steve and Dani's dinner tonight, remember? You don't really want to go up there, do you? What's the alternative? Sit here and watch the news with you? I passed Harry in the stairwell this morning.
Look what he gave his favourite landlord for his birthday.
Tom already told Steve we'd go.
It's my birthday.
Those kids make me feel old.
Don't they make you feel old? Sometimes.
Come on, let's lash out and crack open the '85 Bordeaux.
I'm not gonna drink it on my own.
Come on! I am sorry about lunch.
Let me make it up to you.
So are we going as a couple to this thing, or, um I'm a little lost.
Please don't make fun of me.
I'm sorry.
This is what I was talking about, back when you threw the bike off the cliff.
That you're not the person I think you are, right? No, and it's terrifying.
I mean, I don't I can't get hurt.
Not by you.
And If you're thinking of getting sick of me sometime, could you just give me some sort of sign or something so that I can dump you first? Like this or something? Please stop joking! I'm sorry.
I couldn't resist.
Look, Grace, I'm not sick of you.
Not even a little bit.
And I don't see myself getting sick of you anytime soon.
OK? They don't like me, Rob.
They didn't like the salad.
They didn't like the chocolates or my hair.
That's just your interpretation.
They loved Jenny, and her forks.
Why are you so worked up? The beetroot.
The frickin' beetroot! He was hilarious.
Yeah, I know.
Sitting there.
Happy fucking birthday! Happy fucking birthday to me! Classic! Thanks for coming today.
Oh, that's alright.
It would have been hell without you.
I like your folks.
Your mum especially.
She really opened my mind when I was a kid.
Opened your mind? Yeah, when you and Steve would go off and play without me, she used to sit in the kitchen with me and we'd talk about all the places she wanted to go in the world and things she wanted to see.
Yeah.
Wasn't having the best day today, was she? Well, at least your dad liked the photo.
He did.
I never would have dug that up if it wasn't for you.
So Thank you.
You're welcome.
Miranda Can I book you in for his next birthday? Let me think about it.
And then, of course, all of a sudden she couldn't come.
So who agrees? Who's with me? Huh? Yeah? Yeah? Zoe's not into me.
She's just busy! Is that why you're sweating a little bit, honey? I'm a sweater.
And this curry's spicy.
How many chillis did you put in? Oh, God! You got to help me.
Us girlfriends have got to stick together.
It's innocent! Oh You wanted to kiss this woman.
Is that what Dani told you? So you guys don't think you can be friends with an ex? Um, no.
Hello? Tom.
I don't think that.
I just don't think you can date someone when you're married.
It's not a date! It's disrespectful to your current partner.
One woman at a time.
But how long is that time? Oh! You know, Rob's ex still comes to his family celebrations.
No! What? That's wrong! And calls his mum "Mum".
- Who invites her? No-one! She just pops in all the time.
I hate it.
She's hijacked my family.
That is classic stalker ex.
Yeah, there are so many.
Like the one that got away.
Oh, the crier! I think we should limit Tom's contributions or we'll be here all night.
Thank you, Steve.
Thank you.
Hey, you've been pretty quiet.
Are you alright? Yeah, you guys were all talking about exes, and I've only got one.
Wow, that makes me feel kind of slutty.
What was that, honey? Nothing.
What about Adam? Do you think you guys could be friends? Yeah, definitely - we were together for ten years, and he knows me better than anyone.
What? Doesn't matter.
No, what? Adam's in town this weekend.
He wanted to meet me for lunch, but I was busy.
Not that I want to get into that again.
Did he call you? Didn't think so.
Nice sharing, Steve.
She needs to be realistic.
She broke the guy's heart and says they can still be friends? I don't think so.
Well, did he even ask about me? Some people can't stay friends, some people can.
Your brother's an idiot.
Huh.
Staying friends.
How is Kristen, by the way? Oh, far I forgot the ice-cream.
We've got some next door.
Want me to go and grab it? Yes! It's gonna cost you.
It's a pity your parents couldn't come tonight.
They've already been out once today.
They're very old.
Probably downstairs asleep in front of the telly right now.
I think you were better when you were a dead fish.
There is music blaring and I can smell weed out there.
I got to talk to Harry.
I don't think Harry smokes.
I don't mind if he smokes or if he plays loud music, just not while my folks are here.
My dad would freak.
Dude, Dani told me.
Entertainment Centre, eh? Impressive.
No, it's Grace that has the large number.
Not like that.
I'm talking about actual relationships.
And if you count those, I've only had one.
This one.
Huh.
Are you serious? - Oh! - Sorry.
Ohhh.
Scusey.
Ohhh! Oh, I feel sick.
Ohhh.
Oh, Warwick, get up.
Get up.
I never want to feel like this again.
Oh, Christ! Oh.
I think I want a divorce.
So, shall we continue with the beetroot wars, then? You might hate Jenny for hijacking your family, but your family hate me for hijacking you.
And I feel like they're right.
What do you mean? What they'd do if they knew what I did.
They don't.
If they did, it'd justify everything they think about me.
Hey.
Come here.
Good morning! What are you doing here? Morning.
What, did you forget something? Yeah, I did.
I forgot to do this.
Sorry? I don't understand.
She is my wife, alright? And you two need to start treating her like she's part of this family.
Oh, what have I done to deserve this? Well, I was thinking about it after I got totally outvoted last night.
Mm-hm.
And maybe I shouldn't have tried to catch up with Zoe.
Hm.
Well, maybe we did flirt every now and then.
I mean, maybe she did.
I wouldn't do that, of course.
It's OK.
I get it.
You do? Yeah, it's an ego boost.
We all need one sometimes.
Hm.
But we need to be able to talk about it.
From now on, a policy of full disclosure.
If you want to hang out with an ex then you need to feel comfortable to invite me along.
If you don't, then you probably shouldn't go.
Deal.
For you too, right? Yeah, absolutely.
Oh, and the ex needs to know that we're married.
Morning.
You right there, old fella? She wants a divorce.
What? Your mother wants to divorce me.
I need you to talk to her.
Who's that? What are you doing? Grace, this is my mum, Ana.
She says you're very beautiful.
Oh.
Uh, hi, nice to meet you.
Hm! She says that you must be special, because she's never met any girlfriend before.
Very funny.
Ah.
I couldn't find a question mark.
I should have most of it to you by Tuesday.
What's with the sunglasses this morning? I am hungover.
Don't push me, Tom.
What do you want? Do you want to go for a walk? No, I definitely do not want to go for walk.
My head is pounding.
Can we make it quick? Dad dropped by, and he's He's a little upset.
Said you want aa divorce.
Did he tell you why? I don't think he knows why.
Oh, yes, he does.
He understands perfectly.
And still he chooses to live in the past.
He loves you, Mum.
I know that.
Do you? But he doesn't want anything to change.
And I am ready to explore the world.
So you just take him with you.
You don't think I've tried? The man can't embrace anything new.
He won't even go to a cooking class.
Yeah, well, you must have known that when you met him.
He's a homebody.
He always has been.
Do you know what I remember about the B&S? I told him straightaway, I said, "You are a charmer.
"But I do not want to live in the country.
" And he said, "Darlin', you give me a few years out here "and I will give you the moon.
" The moon! Yeah.
Now he can't even give me a walk to the beach! Mum, you can't just give up on him.
Give up on him? Yeah.
I have spent 30 years putting him first.
Standing by while he made bad decision after bad decision.
One girl breaks your heart ten years ago and you haven't committed to anything since.
You are not the person to lecture me about commitment.
I am sorry, but I warned you not to push me.
Good chat, Mum.
Yes.
Wasn't bad.
Hey.
Hey.
Still like my mum? I'm not sure that I do.
Yeah.
I, um I thought I should leave, but I didn't want to interrupt.
No, you're fine.
Do you think they'll split up? I don't know.
Sounds like you had a pretty bad break-up yourself.
Oh, it's nothing.
Ancient history.
Should I leave some serenity out here with you? No.
You take it.
Well, if you need to talk about anything, just knock on my door.
Mm-hm.
Thanks.
Come in.
Yep.
Hey.
Hey.
You got a visitor.
Oh.
Adam! Wh-what are you doing here? I was in Sydney, so I'll leave you to it.
It's good to see you, mate.
Yeah.
Come in.
Come in.
Sorry.
Come in.
That's pretty serene.
It's for a shoot.
No, it's a great location.
I can see why you didn't want to come home.
I had a vet conference in the city yesterday.
Yes.
Steve told me.
I wasn't gonna drop in, but I was on my way to the airport and saw the sign to the beaches, had a few hours to kill, and I just had to see you.
I thought maybe you were avoiding me.
Yeah, it's weird, you know? I didn't know what the protocol was.
I miss you.
Yeah, I miss you too.
You've been there my whole life, and suddenly I'm glad you came over.
I remember a young girl that was quite taken with my foreplay on that infamous occasion.
I made you work for that.
You did it to me, and before that, there was Jasmine, there was Claudia Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't need all this.
I remember their names.
Shay.
Kristen.
Take a good look, Miranda.
This is how it ends.
When I see a woman in my kitchen, Mum, I'm gone.
Yes, and then we all have to mop up after you.
How is Shay these days? Oh, here it is.
Ah.
OK.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
We choose free-range.
They're barn-laid, not caged.
Yeah! Take it from a vet's ex.
It's a myth they're any less humane.
But they're all cooped up! They need to be liberated! They've got to be free to peck around, shake a tail feather.
Tom, is that you? Oh, my goodness, is this your new girlfriend? Oh I'm Shay.
Um You two look perfect together.
Sorry.
Sorry, I'm just really happy for you.
We should probably Of course.
Yeah.
Oh, I'll see you round.
OK.
I hope.
What was your name? Oh, Miranda.
'Bye, Miranda.
'Bye.
Don't say anything.
Wouldn't even dream of it.
You owe me five bucks.
Oh, the only reason you got to your line faster was 'cause the checkout chick was trying to impress you.
Well, does the motivation even matter? My line was shorter.
Tom.
Miranda.
I'm surprised to see you two together.
Saw your car.
Thought I'd wait and say hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
You're impossible! You still owe me five bucks.
And two weeks' rent.
It's coming! It's coming.
Ohhh.
I think Kristen left you a present.
That's what comes from being free-range, Tom.
Oh, thank you.
Darling, do you think your suitcases could make it to the bedroom? Hey, when did you get in? Just now.
I told you what time I was arriving.
What, are you losing your memory already? Lost interest, Dad, not my memory.
Ha-ha! Warwick's trying to make himself feel better about turning 55! Oh, thank you, Miranda.
You can stay.
Uh, you and Steve want to join us for lunch tomorrow? Oh, yeah, sure.
Why not? The more, the merrier.
Tom, can you drive? Sure.
I wouldn't ask, except I'm a responsible drinker and I don't want to risk losing my licence for drink driving.
Yeah, I'll be very glad when you get your licence back too, Mum.
Then I don't have to be your delivery boy.
'Bye.
See ya.
See ya.
So, what shall we do now? We could go for a walk past Wylie's Baths.
I don't think you've seen that new boardwalk.
I'm a bit knackered.
Ocean breeze, lovely sunset? Oh, let's just watch the news first.
I want to see who's shooting who in the world.
Nice couch.
You been splashing my money around? We'd had the old one forever.
I'm teasing.
It's comfy.
Come here.
There you go, eh? Dad'd love to see you both.
Oh, I'd love to see him too, but I've got to cook for FAT night.
Yeah, and I've got a lunch.
Oh, well, your loss.
Thanks for the late notice, though.
No worries.
Can you pass on our apologies? I will.
Well, why don't you invite them over for dinner tomorrow? I'm gonna have heaps of food.
OK.
That'd be great.
Yeah.
I gotta go.
Oh.
'Bye.
See ya.
Ciao.
Thanks for the beer.
So, what lunch have you got on? Just a meeting with an ex-colleague.
Anyone I know? I don't think so.
Does he have a name? Zoe.
Have I heard of him before? Probably not.
There's not much to hear.
So, where do you know this ex-colleague Zoe from? From work, but she got transferred interstate, so we just catch up whenever she's in town.
Oh, my God! Where did you learn to do that? I think it was Venezuela.
That was a rhetorical question.
It's what? I didn't actually want to know the answer.
Then why did you ask me? If you ask me something, I'll tell you.
Really? Yeah.
I don't have anything to hide.
Well, how many people have you actually slept with? Honestly, I don't know.
Give me an estimate.
Is it several? Maybe a few more.
Numerous.
Probably.
Yeah.
A roomful.
Mm, yeah, something like that.
What are we talking, a lecture hall or an entertainment centre? Come on! You just said you'd tell me anything.
I-I really don't know.
What, double or triple figures? Yeah, I Yeah, something like that.
Oh, yum, is that for dinner? Lunch tomorrow.
Mum said not to bring anything.
Rob, people say that, but they almost never mean it.
We should have got them a present.
Anniversaries are so big in your family.
Mum was very clear on that.
No presents.
Well, I got them some really nice handmade chocolates.
Hm! Maybe I should just try Don't you dare.
Relax, will you? It's just lunch at my parents' house.
I know, but we haven't seen your family in ages.
That's 'cause we avoid it.
We should make more of an effort.
Oh! It fell into my mouth! How many exactly? I don't know.
It's not like I keep a score sheet.
Well, you must know, roughly.
Oh, yes, roughly.
What about you? Less than you.
So like a bus load.
I don't sleep with men on the first date.
Usually.
Well, how long do you make them wait? Five dates.
Five dates? Who did you go out with, the 12 Apostles? I can tell you their names and their birthdays I don't want to know.
Bet you can't even name yours.
Angelica, Monica, Maria Stop! Stop, stop.
Rhetorical again.
Yes.
So, where are we going for this lunch extravaganza of yours? I told you, it's a surprise.
Does it have any hats? What? OK, no hats.
Starts with 'M'.
'M'.
'M'.
'M'.
Three words.
Made In Italy.
Oh! Where else would we go? We've been there a hundred times! It's our restaurant! This city is full of other amazing restaurants! I love Made In Italy.
So it's seafood platter and garlic bread.
And your pavlova for dessert.
I have ordered you the most beautiful cake.
There's a fabulous bakery down the road.
People queue to buy the cheesecake.
I love your pavlova! I haven't made one.
You've got time! When, now?! What about the cake I've ordered? I'll be at Tom's workshop if you need me.
What could I possibly need you for? Does this look OK? It looks fine.
They've all looked fine.
I want better than "fine".
Fine is really not fine.
But Mum loves your style.
She's always complimenting you on it.
Mm, sort of.
I don't like this top either.
OK, I'm just wearing jeans.
So, do you think Jenny will be there? How should I know, babe? She's my ex-girlfriend.
They all keep photos of her all around the house.
She's like the daughter-in-law they never had.
Baby, did you Have you said anything to them about us? No, of course not.
It's justyour mum doesn't really like me much.
I need to be prepared.
That is ridiculous! She loves you! You can see why I wasn't rapt.
Yeah, but if you can earn a quid out of it I'm sticking my name on it, Dad! I'm trying to build a reputation, you know? A brand.
Well, I suppose that's important.
You suppose? No.
It is.
Believe me.
Got your bank transfer, by the way.
I suppose it makes it a bit easier, splitting the rent with Miranda.
Yeah! Yep, she's awesome.
When it comes to rent, she's really reliable.
Hope that's not part of your brand.
Bit fluffy.
Funny.
That's That's Miranda.
Still nothing happening there? It'scomplicated.
You still like her, though.
Oh, yeah.
Nothing's gonna happen there, Dad.
Then make something happen! Mate, you're almost 30.
Time to move forward, don't you think? Grab me the glue.
I hope I got it right.
This was a bit of an experiment.
You know Mum's gonna have enough salad to feed a footy team.
Yeah, but she always puts beetroot in hers and I can't eat it, so I thought I'd bring this one too.
Maybe she doesn't know about the beetroot.
Oh, she knows.
Look, it's Mum's signature salad.
Alright.
Technically, since it's your FAT night, shouldn't you be the one doing the cleaning up? Technically, do you want to sleep on the couch tonight? Hey, why don't I come to lunch with you and Zoe today? Don't you need to cook? No, I've got time.
I'm on top of it.
I thought it'd be nice to meet your friend.
Oh, yeah, it would.
Did you two ever go out? No.
Oh, well, once.
But nothing ever happened.
We didn't even kiss.
But you wanted to.
Not really.
Does she know you're married? Well, last time I saw her, we weren't.
But allall our wedding photos are on my Facebook.
I just She might not know, you know? I mean, if she did, she would have invited me.
Yeah, you're probably right.
I mean, you are right.
Good.
Great.
Well, you can call her and tell her I'm coming.
You know, so there are no surprises.
OK, if you're sure you have time.
Oh, I'm sure.
Oh, that's right.
We're out of milk.
I will call her on the way.
Oh, I'm here! I'm here.
It's OK.
Mum's late too.
Oh, God! Hey, why is it so big? I got it framed.
Oh.
You know, the only thing I usually do for Dad's birthday is show up.
Yeah, and that's why this'll be a nice surprise.
How much was it? It was Ooh! - Sh - Hello? Shay.
Tom, are you there? Hey, um Thanks for answering.
I'm so sorry for crying when I saw you yesterday.
Are you drunk-dialling? I can't talk to you right now.
I've just gone Oh! She's She's really happy for you, Tom.
Huh.
She's I'm not touching that one.
Oh, take your time! What are you, like, 55? Blame your mother.
I'll take the pav.
Are you OK there? Oh, no! Oh, honey, we're not doing lunch anymore.
When did that happen? I called Zoe, and turns out she had to cancel.
Oh.
Sorry.
So it's definitely not happening, then? Well, she suggested early evening drinks instead.
Early evening.
I'll be home in time for dinner.
Oh, how convenient it's at a time when I can't go.
Oh, you're not serious.
Why did you have to go outside to call her? What? I didn't.
I was getting milk.
Fine, that's it.
You're not going.
No drinks for you.
You can't forbid me.
How would you feel if I went out with one of my exes? Like Naked Crying Pilot? You said you never respected him.
Alright then, Gay Blair.
Well, he's gay, so he's not really a threat, is he? Fine.
Catwalk Caleb.
I might text him right now and see if he feels like catching up tomorrow.
You can do what you want, but I'm going to drinks with Zoe.
You're being unreasonable.
Hello, hello! About time you got here.
I thought you'd changed your mind again.
Colette! Hi.
Just a little something for lunch.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
I told her that.
But you'll love this.
Colette's a great cook.
She won our lasagne bake-off.
My money's on her to win the curry too.
Mm, well done you! Well, this looks very exotic.
Thank you.
Oh, what sweet little slippers.
Would you call them slippers? Oh, uh, probably just shoes.
And some chocolates.
Uh-uh-uh-uh! He's got cholesterol.
And I'm on a diet.
Take them into the salon.
Oh, there's a good idea.
The customers would love them.
Yeah.
OK, boys, come outside.
I want to show you something.
Come on, Dad, I've already seen it.
Robbie hasn't.
Come on! I'll come too.
I'd love to see it.
Sorry, love.
Secret men's business.
So, ladies, shall we get the lunch ready? Just you wait.
Best seafood platter in Sydney.
The place looks exactly the same.
Doesn't it? Darling, happy birthday again.
Ah! Cooking lessons.
Why would I need cooking lessons when I've got you, darling? And this is from us.
Ooh.
Rather large.
Oh, my goodness! Where did you get this? I borrowed an album from Mum a while back.
That's right.
Kristen wanted to look at your baby photos.
Jeez, that should have been a sign.
That's from when you first met, isn't it? Cherry-poppers B&S ball in Young.
Mac made us drive all the way down from Toowoomba.
Your mum was there from the city.
So why did you go? My cousin had just married a cherry farmer, which is why he calls it the cherry-poppers ball.
Yeah, yeah, Mum, I think she's heard of cherry-popping.
Oh, good, thank you very much.
Anyway, she wanted to set me up with one of his friends.
Oh, he didn't stand a chance, that bloke.
Once she saw me, well, she's only human.
You were a lot better-looking back then, Dad.
Easy! It must have been fate, hey? It's messing with my head.
Do you know, I've been thinking about it, OK? And let's say he's been sleeping with women for ten years.
If he's in triple figures, then he's averaging Do you have any idea what kind of ratio that is? He would have had dry spots.
Sure, and crazy sex summers.
It'd be longer for some women and shorter for others.
We've been going out for four months.
Yeah, and that makes you different.
Yeah, or well past my use-by date.
You don't really think that.
Is there such a thing as different, or is it just something that women say to make themselves feel better - "I'm different"? If no-one was different then no-one would ever get married.
Yeah, I guess not.
Steve wants to go and have a drink with an ex-colleague slash ex-one-date of his.
I hate those slashy relationships.
They are always murky.
Yeah, exactly.
I don't want him to go, but he says I'm being unreasonable.
Am I? What does she look like? How did I not think of that? I'll just Facey-stalk her.
What? How do you do that? Go into Steve's Facebook page and just search for her name.
Not that you've done this before.
No, of course not.
No, of course not, yeah.
Hey! She's me.
With bigger boobs.
She doesn't have your personality.
Oh, so you do think she's hotter.
What did you Dani, is that my Facebook account? No, it's mine.
Don't change the subject.
You want to go out for drinks with D-cup me.
You know I'm not a breasts man! I want you to cancel.
You should trust me.
Don't you trust me? No, I do trust you.
It's her I don't trust.
'Cause she's me.
Oh, dear.
We were hoping you might be off things like this at the moment.
You can't eat soft cheeses when you're pregnant.
Oh, right.
No.
Brie's still fine for me.
We're not in any hurry.
The clock's ticking.
Not very loudly.
You don't have any women's problems, do you? Yoo-hoo! Knock, knock! Hello! Jenny! Hi, Colette.
Hi, Jenny.
Hi! How are you? Hello, darling! Look at you.
I hope it's alright to just drop in.
Of course it is.
It's so good to see you, sweetheart.
Happy anniversary.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
Oh, it's alright.
Look, I know 30th anniversaries are supposed to be pearls and diamonds, but I couldn't quite stretch the budget that far.
It's beautiful.
And so thoughtful! Will you stay for lunch? No, no, I couldn't.
I just I wanted to drop the present by.
So I will see you later.
Mwah! 'Bye! Oh, I completely forgot.
I've got your blender in the car.
I'll grab it and I'll just bring it back.
Well, if you're going to do that, you might as well stay.
No, no, no.
I don't want to crash your family do.
You practically are family.
Stay.
We're about to eat.
Oh, Colette, can you grab my salad from the fridge? I'll set an extra plate.
Well, if you're sure.
You know how much I love your cooking.
Well, in that case, you're staying.
What can I do for you? You can open the wine.
Alrighty.
Hey, Harry, you're a guy.
Mm.
Is triple figures in ex-lovers a lot? Oh, uh Yeah.
That's the population of a small village.
So What's the two thirds? Oh, actually It's a good story.
Maybe another time.
I'm starting to obsess, which is number one on the "don't do with boyfriends" list.
What else is on the list? Do not allow thoughts of a guy to distract you from work.
Mm-hm.
Do not call him more than he calls you.
Yep.
Don't think that you can change him.
And do not obsess over his exes.
All of which I've done in the last week.
What am I doing, Harry? What am I doing in this relationship? Looks good, Mum.
It's a bit flat, isn't it? I didn't have the right mixer.
Well, you should have told me.
I would have brought it down for you.
So, Miranda, what's happened to what's-his-name? Hey, Dad, mind your own business.
Oh, no, it's alright.
Um, we split up.
He was never gonna move down from Toowoomba.
Well, he's a vet.
His income's from livestock.
I know, and I respect that, but I want my own career.
Good for you, Miranda.
So it's definitely over? Yeah, well, he's up there and I'm down here, so It's not that you were scared of commitment - Dad.
- That is so typical.
A woman wants more than farm life and you assume there's something wrong with them.
I was just asking.
It's insulting.
There's more to life than animals and babies and cooking.
If Miranda wants to explore that, she should.
I wasn't saying It's alright, it's alright.
It's alright.
Forget about it.
Mm.
What happened to the strawberries? I couldn't find any strawberries.
Not the same without strawberries.
Why does it have to be the same? It's what I like! Well, try something different! I made the damn thing, didn't I? And how much notice did you give me? Well, happy fucking birthday to me, then.
Now, Jenny, I know you don't like tomato sauce, but this chutney is mango-based, so try it.
I love your hair, Jenny.
Oh, thanks.
Mum did it for me at the salon last week.
She's not your mum, Jenny.
Robert, don't be so rude! She's not really my mum either.
She's the best mum ever.
Got yourself a fan club, love? Yeah, well, I always wanted a daughter, and now I have several.
Could you pass us the salad? Oh, yeah.
Ooh, um, that one looks a bit of a challenge.
I think I might just have Mum's.
So where do you get your hair done, Colette? It always looks so original.
A place round the corner.
Well, Sandy is great.
She's fantastic.
You should try coming down here! Yeah, maybe she will.
We're lucky to get you to lunch, let alone a haircut.
Well, Colette's a very busy person, Vic.
She doesn't have time to be hanging around the salon with me and the girls.
That's alright.
Horses for courses.
Mum, this salad is delicious! Did you cook the beetroot fresh this time? Sweetheart, don't speak with your mouth full.
Sorry, Mum.
Pass us some salad.
Oh, yeah.
Where's your stuff? Aren't you swimming? Probably not, no.
Well, I'm meant to be working on my assignment, so we need to make the most of this.
Carlos, I wanted to see you because I've been thinking about us.
Uh-huh.
I um, have always loathed those women who are obsessive, you know, the type that talk about their boyfriend .
.
analyse their relationships.
You're nothing like that.
And I never want to be.
I'm glad.
So I have to break up with you.
What? It's a pre-emptive strike.
You're crazy! I'm displaying a lot of the telltale signs.
Is there someone else? Yeah, about 200 other people.
You're not still thinking about that, are you? Yeah, I am, which is exactly my point.
I'm starting to become one of those women who are obsessive.
So stop thinking about it.
Get out of your head.
Enjoy the moment.
You're not taking me seriously.
I'm breaking up with you.
No, you're not.
Could you stop being difficult and listen? This doesn't make any sense.
You don't want to be like those obsessive women, so you're acting like an obsessive woman and ending a perfectly good relationship because you're obsessed with the idea you might become obsessive.
Can you stop saying "obsessive"? And you can't dump me before FAT night.
Come on.
Swim.
No, I'm not coming.
Yes, you are.
I just think I should be able to see who I want to see without all these trust issues.
I don't have trust issues.
You're a catch, babe.
Well, you've caught me.
She's just a friend, Dani.
She's a nice person.
You'd like her.
Well, why don't you invite her to dinner instead? I mean, if she wants to be your friend, then she'll come.
Call her.
Invite her.
Alright, 'bye.
I knew it! She She's busy! So what? She wasn't busy before when she was meeting you for drinks, but now that it's dinner with your wife, she can't come.
Oh! Maybe she wanted to talk business.
Oh, pff! Not buying it, buddy.
Does she flirt with you? What? Does she laugh at all your jokes? Dani.
Does she lean in when she talks to show off her big triple-G boobs? She is a flirt, and you love it! You're being silly.
Don't you walk away from me! I'm setting the table.
How many people are coming? Not a boob man! We've got Steve and Dani's dinner tonight, remember? You don't really want to go up there, do you? What's the alternative? Sit here and watch the news with you? I passed Harry in the stairwell this morning.
Look what he gave his favourite landlord for his birthday.
Tom already told Steve we'd go.
It's my birthday.
Those kids make me feel old.
Don't they make you feel old? Sometimes.
Come on, let's lash out and crack open the '85 Bordeaux.
I'm not gonna drink it on my own.
Come on! I am sorry about lunch.
Let me make it up to you.
So are we going as a couple to this thing, or, um I'm a little lost.
Please don't make fun of me.
I'm sorry.
This is what I was talking about, back when you threw the bike off the cliff.
That you're not the person I think you are, right? No, and it's terrifying.
I mean, I don't I can't get hurt.
Not by you.
And If you're thinking of getting sick of me sometime, could you just give me some sort of sign or something so that I can dump you first? Like this or something? Please stop joking! I'm sorry.
I couldn't resist.
Look, Grace, I'm not sick of you.
Not even a little bit.
And I don't see myself getting sick of you anytime soon.
OK? They don't like me, Rob.
They didn't like the salad.
They didn't like the chocolates or my hair.
That's just your interpretation.
They loved Jenny, and her forks.
Why are you so worked up? The beetroot.
The frickin' beetroot! He was hilarious.
Yeah, I know.
Sitting there.
Happy fucking birthday! Happy fucking birthday to me! Classic! Thanks for coming today.
Oh, that's alright.
It would have been hell without you.
I like your folks.
Your mum especially.
She really opened my mind when I was a kid.
Opened your mind? Yeah, when you and Steve would go off and play without me, she used to sit in the kitchen with me and we'd talk about all the places she wanted to go in the world and things she wanted to see.
Yeah.
Wasn't having the best day today, was she? Well, at least your dad liked the photo.
He did.
I never would have dug that up if it wasn't for you.
So Thank you.
You're welcome.
Miranda Can I book you in for his next birthday? Let me think about it.
And then, of course, all of a sudden she couldn't come.
So who agrees? Who's with me? Huh? Yeah? Yeah? Zoe's not into me.
She's just busy! Is that why you're sweating a little bit, honey? I'm a sweater.
And this curry's spicy.
How many chillis did you put in? Oh, God! You got to help me.
Us girlfriends have got to stick together.
It's innocent! Oh You wanted to kiss this woman.
Is that what Dani told you? So you guys don't think you can be friends with an ex? Um, no.
Hello? Tom.
I don't think that.
I just don't think you can date someone when you're married.
It's not a date! It's disrespectful to your current partner.
One woman at a time.
But how long is that time? Oh! You know, Rob's ex still comes to his family celebrations.
No! What? That's wrong! And calls his mum "Mum".
- Who invites her? No-one! She just pops in all the time.
I hate it.
She's hijacked my family.
That is classic stalker ex.
Yeah, there are so many.
Like the one that got away.
Oh, the crier! I think we should limit Tom's contributions or we'll be here all night.
Thank you, Steve.
Thank you.
Hey, you've been pretty quiet.
Are you alright? Yeah, you guys were all talking about exes, and I've only got one.
Wow, that makes me feel kind of slutty.
What was that, honey? Nothing.
What about Adam? Do you think you guys could be friends? Yeah, definitely - we were together for ten years, and he knows me better than anyone.
What? Doesn't matter.
No, what? Adam's in town this weekend.
He wanted to meet me for lunch, but I was busy.
Not that I want to get into that again.
Did he call you? Didn't think so.
Nice sharing, Steve.
She needs to be realistic.
She broke the guy's heart and says they can still be friends? I don't think so.
Well, did he even ask about me? Some people can't stay friends, some people can.
Your brother's an idiot.
Huh.
Staying friends.
How is Kristen, by the way? Oh, far I forgot the ice-cream.
We've got some next door.
Want me to go and grab it? Yes! It's gonna cost you.
It's a pity your parents couldn't come tonight.
They've already been out once today.
They're very old.
Probably downstairs asleep in front of the telly right now.
I think you were better when you were a dead fish.
There is music blaring and I can smell weed out there.
I got to talk to Harry.
I don't think Harry smokes.
I don't mind if he smokes or if he plays loud music, just not while my folks are here.
My dad would freak.
Dude, Dani told me.
Entertainment Centre, eh? Impressive.
No, it's Grace that has the large number.
Not like that.
I'm talking about actual relationships.
And if you count those, I've only had one.
This one.
Huh.
Are you serious? - Oh! - Sorry.
Ohhh.
Scusey.
Ohhh! Oh, I feel sick.
Ohhh.
Oh, Warwick, get up.
Get up.
I never want to feel like this again.
Oh, Christ! Oh.
I think I want a divorce.
So, shall we continue with the beetroot wars, then? You might hate Jenny for hijacking your family, but your family hate me for hijacking you.
And I feel like they're right.
What do you mean? What they'd do if they knew what I did.
They don't.
If they did, it'd justify everything they think about me.
Hey.
Come here.
Good morning! What are you doing here? Morning.
What, did you forget something? Yeah, I did.
I forgot to do this.
Sorry? I don't understand.
She is my wife, alright? And you two need to start treating her like she's part of this family.
Oh, what have I done to deserve this? Well, I was thinking about it after I got totally outvoted last night.
Mm-hm.
And maybe I shouldn't have tried to catch up with Zoe.
Hm.
Well, maybe we did flirt every now and then.
I mean, maybe she did.
I wouldn't do that, of course.
It's OK.
I get it.
You do? Yeah, it's an ego boost.
We all need one sometimes.
Hm.
But we need to be able to talk about it.
From now on, a policy of full disclosure.
If you want to hang out with an ex then you need to feel comfortable to invite me along.
If you don't, then you probably shouldn't go.
Deal.
For you too, right? Yeah, absolutely.
Oh, and the ex needs to know that we're married.
Morning.
You right there, old fella? She wants a divorce.
What? Your mother wants to divorce me.
I need you to talk to her.
Who's that? What are you doing? Grace, this is my mum, Ana.
She says you're very beautiful.
Oh.
Uh, hi, nice to meet you.
Hm! She says that you must be special, because she's never met any girlfriend before.
Very funny.
Ah.
I couldn't find a question mark.
I should have most of it to you by Tuesday.
What's with the sunglasses this morning? I am hungover.
Don't push me, Tom.
What do you want? Do you want to go for a walk? No, I definitely do not want to go for walk.
My head is pounding.
Can we make it quick? Dad dropped by, and he's He's a little upset.
Said you want aa divorce.
Did he tell you why? I don't think he knows why.
Oh, yes, he does.
He understands perfectly.
And still he chooses to live in the past.
He loves you, Mum.
I know that.
Do you? But he doesn't want anything to change.
And I am ready to explore the world.
So you just take him with you.
You don't think I've tried? The man can't embrace anything new.
He won't even go to a cooking class.
Yeah, well, you must have known that when you met him.
He's a homebody.
He always has been.
Do you know what I remember about the B&S? I told him straightaway, I said, "You are a charmer.
"But I do not want to live in the country.
" And he said, "Darlin', you give me a few years out here "and I will give you the moon.
" The moon! Yeah.
Now he can't even give me a walk to the beach! Mum, you can't just give up on him.
Give up on him? Yeah.
I have spent 30 years putting him first.
Standing by while he made bad decision after bad decision.
One girl breaks your heart ten years ago and you haven't committed to anything since.
You are not the person to lecture me about commitment.
I am sorry, but I warned you not to push me.
Good chat, Mum.
Yes.
Wasn't bad.
Hey.
Hey.
Still like my mum? I'm not sure that I do.
Yeah.
I, um I thought I should leave, but I didn't want to interrupt.
No, you're fine.
Do you think they'll split up? I don't know.
Sounds like you had a pretty bad break-up yourself.
Oh, it's nothing.
Ancient history.
Should I leave some serenity out here with you? No.
You take it.
Well, if you need to talk about anything, just knock on my door.
Mm-hm.
Thanks.
Come in.
Yep.
Hey.
Hey.
You got a visitor.
Oh.
Adam! Wh-what are you doing here? I was in Sydney, so I'll leave you to it.
It's good to see you, mate.
Yeah.
Come in.
Come in.
Sorry.
Come in.
That's pretty serene.
It's for a shoot.
No, it's a great location.
I can see why you didn't want to come home.
I had a vet conference in the city yesterday.
Yes.
Steve told me.
I wasn't gonna drop in, but I was on my way to the airport and saw the sign to the beaches, had a few hours to kill, and I just had to see you.
I thought maybe you were avoiding me.
Yeah, it's weird, you know? I didn't know what the protocol was.
I miss you.
Yeah, I miss you too.
You've been there my whole life, and suddenly I'm glad you came over.