Working Class (2011) s01e09 Episode Script

Give it! You're such an idiot.
That cheese has more brain cells than you.
And more boyfriends than you.
At least I'm not so stupid I need a tutor to learn a language.
So what, Pam? Spanish is hard.
I was talking about English.
- That's not fair.
Mom - Knock it off! Knock it off.
Just sit down! Gosh Come on! You guys, you are brother and sister.
She has brain cells.
He has cute friends.
You need each other.
Why are you fighting over cheese? What are you, mice? Mom, there's no other food in the house.
What? Your uncle Nick was supposed to go grocery shopping.
- He didn't do it? - No.
Oh.
Well, gosh, I guess that makes sense.
He probably was too busy not doing that laundry or these dishes.
You work in a grocery store.
Can't you just bring stuff home? Pam, I can't afford to shop where I work.
The only way I can bring something home is if it gets damaged or the label falls off.
Mom, please.
Never again.
Don't worry.
I figured out the difference between the cat food and the tuna cans after last week's surprise casserole night.
What was the surprise? Just that you kept eating it.
This is my day This is my life This is my one chance to get it right This is my day Yeah this is my day .
Okay, I have had a really long day, so just enough with the fighting.
Just clean up your stuff so I can get dinner started.
- Hey, that's my pen.
- It's my pen.
Mom! Enough! You want the pen? Oh, good, Hank.
I was worried you were going to be late for your 5:30 disgruntled neighbor visit.
I napped longer than I thought I would.
What's with all the noise over here? I'm sorry.
I just told the kids to keep it down.
I'm talking about the music.
It's been going on all day.
Um, I don't hear any music.
No offense, but isn't that some kind of early warning sign? Oh.
That music? Don't play dumb with me.
It's like Woodstock here.
Only those hippies left after three days.
Shouldn't you be in Florida? With the rest of the cast of Cocoon? Nick.
Hey! Heeey!! Hi, Mom.
We're practicing so I can jam on my birthday.
Oh, that's great, sweetie.
But why don't you just run upstairs and get started on your homework, okay? 'Cause Mommy wants to use some words that she doesn't want you to learn just yet.
Hey, later, buddy.
And way to rock out.
You are like Keith Richards in SpongeBob underwear.
Later, dudes.
What are you doing, Nick? It's called rocking out.
I'd say look it up, but you're staring at the definition.
No.
I'm staring at the definition of "Peaked in high school.
" Carli, what's your problem? You! You are my problem, Nick.
I gave you a list of things to do today.
Clean the house, do the laundry, buy groceries.
And you, you did nothing.
That place is a mess.
Your mom is hot.
Okay, your drumstick's about to find a new home, okay? - Now go.
- Wait, No no, no.
We're in the middle of practice.
You can't just throw them out.
Stay! No, no.
.
I get to do whatever I want because I pay the bills.
And the late fees.
And the reconnection fees.
So go! - Stay! - Go! - You know, we should go.
- Yeah, good plan, Hall and Oates.
All right, look, I have some rights around here.
You may pay the bills, but I do other stuff.
Yeah, like teaching Will to belch the Pledge of Allegiance.
Oh, how proud I was at that school assembly.
And teaching Scott to create a fake history on the computer.
Like he's really surfing the Library of Congress.
I mean, the kid can barely read.
Well, here we go again with the superior attitude.
You know what? Ever since we were kids, you've been telling me what to do, - and I'm sick of it.
- And where would you be if I let you jump off that garage in your Spider-Man costume holding a handful of dental floss? Well, probably in a wheelchair.
But that's not the point.
You don't respect me.
Not even a little bit.
I am a grown man now.
All right? I have a life too.
Nick, you're supposed to be here to help.
And you do nothing but make my life more difficult.
Well, then, why don't I just do you a favor and go find somewhere else to live? - Oh, good.
When can you start? - Now! - Good.
- I'll go grab my stuff.
Good! Oh, and by the way, I know that you're not visiting the Smithsonian home page every night, either.
Okay, Pam, today you are on homework duty with Will after his play date.
But Uncle Nick usually does it.
And Uncle Nick is, look around Still not here.
Okay, Scott, that means that you are on clean-up in the living room.
Why do I have to clean up? Why not Pam? Because you're too dumb to help Will with his homework.
You can barely even spell.
I can spell.
L-O-O-S-E-R.
You just spelled "looser," loser.
So close.
Thank God you're pretty.
Where's Uncle Nick? He usually helps me spike my hair.
Oh, honey, he's busy living an emotionally stunted and age-inappropriate lifestyle.
- But here, let me help.
- Okay.
No no no, honey, this is mine.
Don't use this.
It's supposed to make you look ten years younger.
In which case you wouldn't exist.
All right, so you guys all know your chores, right? So just don't forget.
Don't forget my birthday tomorrow.
Oh, sweetie, who could ever forget the day you were born? Certainly not the people at the State Fair in line for the funnel cakes who got a bird's-eye view.
Hello.
Oh, hi, Jackie.
Oh, really? No.
No, no, no, it's fine.
We will We'll just do it next week.
Okay, thanks.
Bye.
Okay, little change of plans.
Will's play date just canceled, so I'm gonna need one of you to watch him after school.
Can't.
Basketball practice.
- Debate club.
- Oh! I knew encouraging extracurriculars and self-esteem was gonna come back to bite me in the butt.
Come on.
Just call Uncle Nick.
No.
No, Scott, I do not need to call Uncle Nick.
Okay? I am a resourceful, independent, fearless single mother, and I am going to come up with a brilliant solution.
Yeah, like that time the plumbing froze on Christmas and you couldn't afford to call the plumber until the next day? Yeah, but how much fun was it making five golden rings in the snow? I mean, it was a little harder for me and Pam, but by the end of the day, we got the hang of it.
I even signed mine.
Will! Don't eat the sugar.
Sit.
Okay, listen, Donna.
Could you come in early tomorrow so I can get things ready for my kid's party? Sorry, Carli, I can't.
I need to visit my mom in Galena.
She's really sick.
Come on, Donna.
We all know what visiting your sick mom means.
And that riverboat casino isn't going anywhere.
Donna.
Donna.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
No, no.
Will.
Will.
Will! You want your momma to think you went AWOL? Huh? Oh, come on.
You know what happens to soldiers who go AWOL? They throw them in the brig.
Thank you so much, Hank, for grabbing him.
Just try to keep order around here.
Well, you are free to entertain him any time you want.
Yeah? 'Cause I cannot afford a babysitter.
Oh.
And I can't drop him off at Ikea anymore since the supervisor of Small Land saw me driving away.
Well, I just finished my shift.
You want me to take him home with me until you get off work? - Keep him out of trouble.
- Oh, no no no.
I wouldn't want to put you out, Hank.
You want to come home with me and see my war stuff? - Cool! - I got a canteen with a bullet lodged in it.
Saved my life.
'Course, we lost a lot of good scotch that day.
Can I, Mom? Well, Hank, have you spent a lot of time with kids? Are you kidding? I used to be a Big Brother.
Yeah.
He's 72 now.
Well, you know, I guess it would be okay.
- Outstanding.
- You have my cell phone number.
- I certainly do.
- Okay.
- All right, honey.
- All right, soldier.
Let's say goodbye the way the Marines do it, okay? - Bye, Mommy.
- No, no, no.
That's the Army.
Here's the Marines.
Hyah.
Hyah.
- Yeah.
- All right, out, out.
- Hup two, hup two! - Bye, sweetie.
Hup two hup! With arugula and prosciutto.
Ugh.
Why can't they just call it ham? Oh.
Hey.
You must be lost, because I know one thing you would never do is shop for groceries.
Pam texted that you needed help with Will, - so here I am.
- Oh, no need.
Hank's watching him.
It's all good in the motherhood.
- Hank? Seriously? - Yeah.
You put that nutjob in charge of Will? He led men into battle, Nick.
I think he's well prepared to take care of a 7-year-old.
No, he isn't.
He's, like, a hundred.
He sideswiped our mailbox the other day and he was walking.
You know, you just can't stand it that I can handle this on my own.
God, you're stubborn.
Why can't you ever admit when you're wrong? Well, I can when I am, but I'm not so I won't.
You remember the Scrambler at the carnival? Oh my gosh, Nick, that was eighth grade, all right? Get over it.
Look, I warned you not to eat four chili dogs before you got on, and 20 people behind you had to pay the price.
They washed off in the dunk tank.
I'm just saying you were stubborn then and you're stubborn now.
Come on, Carli, this is stupid.
Let's just end this.
Fine.
I'm waiting.
Mm, for what? Your apology for kicking my friends out and saying I don't contribute.
Well, Nick, here it goes, and this one is really from the heart.
I'm really sorry that I have nothing to apologize for.
Right.
That's how it's gonna be? - Yeah! - All right, fine.
- Fine! - Then I'll just stay away.
- Good, do it! - And I will do my own thing with Will for his birthday, and it will be awesomer than whatever you've got planned.
Awesomer? Okay, who's your English tutor, Scott? Okay.
Don't you have some beer pong tournament to get to? Yeah, you think you know everything, huh? Beer pong's tomorrow night.
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, buddy.
I saw your car show up, so I figured it's time to return the little guy.
We had a good time, didn't we? - Yeah, it was awesome.
- Yeah? Hank gave me a bayonet.
- Hank! - Oh come on, it's a rubber training tool.
Although on a cold day, it leaves a heck of a mark.
I'm gonna go gut my teddy bear.
Put your whole body into it, now.
He talked my ear off all morning about his big birthday party tomorrow.
Did you find someone to cover you on the morning shift? Not yet.
I asked Frank, but he has to go to one of his meetings.
Oh, I guess that was supposed to be anonymous.
Anyway, I'm off all day tomorrow if you could use a hand.
No, no, no, no, I got it.
Hey, don't be a hero, soldier.
Besides it may be hard to believe, but it's been a while since I've been invited to a party.
- You? Oh, come on, Hank.
- Yeah.
- I can't imagine a party without you.
- Yeah? You know what, I really could use your help setting up.
So that would be great, and then I'll come take over for you after my shift.
You got it.
Just give me a list of what you need and I'll get it.
Execution is my specialty.
But you'll do the stuff on the list first, right? You organize your day, I'll organize mine.
Pam.
Yeah, how's the party going? Hank's making them play what? Duck duck grenade? Okay.
Listen, honey, I will be home as soon as I can, okay? Oh, God.
Donna, you are two hours late, and I am missing my kid's party.
Where have you been? My mother was sicker than I thought.
Oh, really? Did she take a turn for the worse on the Roulette table? - Carli, she is in intensive care.
- Uh-huh.
And what hospital is she staying in, "Our Lady of Let It Ride"? Go go go go go go! Yay! Oh, that's right.
That's the way to pin the tail on that Democrat's butt.
Stick it to him like they stuck it to us.
- What's a Democrat? - What's a Democrat? You'll find out someday, when they tax all your hard-earned dollars.
My advice to you? Dummy corp.
Good job on the party, Mom.
Okay, where's Will? I think he's in the kitchen.
Hey, sweetie.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
What are you doing in here all by yourself? This party isn't any fun.
Can we just have cake? - Is it Mr.
Greziak? - No.
I like him.
It was funny when he taught us to do push-ups and we had to help him up.
Well, sweetie, what's the problem then? 'Cause you know what, your mommy will always fix it.
I told everyone I was gonna play drums today.
I wanted them to see that I was cool.
Like Uncle Nick.
- You did? - Yeah.
I miss him.
Hey, Lieutenant, your troops are going through a minefield out there, and they need you.
- Okay.
- Hey, sweetie, don't you worry.
Because this is gonna be a great party.
Double time, let's go.
Uh-oh.
Mean blonde lady's here Nick! - Hey.
- Hey.
I tried to call, but I guess you didn't hear.
Wow.
Love your new crash pad.
Smells like urine pizza.
So, what's up, Carli? You just stopping by to tell me how awesome things are without me again? In a perfect world, yes.
But you were right.
I should not have eaten all those chili dogs before I got on the Scrambler.
So, come on, let's go.
Whoa whoa whoa.
No.
Excuse me.
Is that an attempt at an apology? Didn't do it for you? No.
Okay, look.
I should not have come down so hard on you, and sometimes I take out my frustrations on you, and that's not right.
No.
It is not.
And I know that I can get on my high horse but, Nick, it is hard to turn off this whole big sister thing.
And I do respect you.
And I don't say it enough because it's more fun to make fun of you when you say things like "awesomer.
" Is there something you're trying to say here, Carli? Yes.
And here it is.
You do help around the house.
And those kids, they love you, and they need you there.
Aw.
You know what? Just stick to stealing cars and shooting hookers, please, okay? And this single mom thing, it isn't easy and I couldn't do it without you.
Well, thank you.
Okay, now, let's go, because Will really needs you at his birthday party.
All right, but the bad news is these guys come along.
- What? - Well, they're in the band.
Shotgun.
I'm sitting next to your mom.
Oh, what the heck.
But keep your hands where I can see them.
Hey.
Stop swinging like a sissy.
Give me that bat.
I'll show you how it's done.
All right.
This one's for Sarge.
And this one's for Lefty.
And this one's for Rose in Hong Kong! Okay.
Okay, all right, everyone, it is time for the show.
- What show? - The big concert.
And the band is waiting downstairs.
They just need their drummer.
Uncle Nick! Yay! You need help.
Hey, we could use a drummer, buddy, what do you think? - Let's tear it up, dude.
- Yeah! Yeah! It's gonna be a party.
Yeah! - Way to go, Mom.
- Yeah, and check out that bassist.
He looks a little sketchy to me, Pam.
He's got enough grease in his hair to deep fry a turkey.
I know.
Isn't he hot? Stop.
One, two, three, four.
And this one's for Chachi in Putumayo.
And that's for Tia Maria.
Don't get grabby.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
This brings back a lot of fond memories.
Yeah.
I think my best birthday was my 24th.
Oh, tell us about it, Hank.
I'd been in a North Korean prison camp already for three months.
So by the time my birthday rolled around, I was able to sharpen my tin cup into a shiv.
Ah.
And everybody lived happily ever after, right? Well, I did.
Is there milk?