Worst Week s01e09 Episode Script

All right, that'll do it for that.
We made it.
This wedding's actually happening.
Everything's perfect.
Like that dead frog floating in the middle of my pool.
That's perfect.
- I got it.
- No, it got it.
See, Sam, there are a million details to deal with.
From frog removal to, to reminding you not to wear lady's underthings.
It took a long time to get reverend Lowell back on board after your little display.
That's hot.
That is hot.
Are those panties? I know.
And I'm sorry.
Don't worry about it though.
Totally manly underwear on today.
Want to see? - I'll take your word for that.
- All right.
Look out below.
You had to pick today, of all days, to throw your back out? I didn't pick it.
I'm working very hard to make today magnificent.
So if you're not gonna help, at the very least, stay out of the way.
No problem.
- Hey, buddy.
How you doin'? - I'm great.
- You're lying.
- I am lying.
I am very tense right now.
But I, just want today to be perfect.
Well, you don't need to worry, okay? Your best man is here so you can relax.
- You awesome.
Thanks.
- Where's Chloe? My god.
No.
Please.
Really.
Not today.
I don't want to worry about you pawing Mel's sister all day long, okay? 'Scuse me, where's the Crystal Pitcher for the champagne punch? I don't know.
You know what? Go in the back and find Angela.
She'll be the very amped up lady with the, clipboard in her hand.
Stop.
Stay away from Chloe.
You're not a smoker.
When did you start smoking? It's my tuxedo affectation.
Buddy, you are so stressed out.
You know how you relax? You go upstairs and you love thyself.
Give yourself a hand.
- Visit Palm Springs.
- Thank.
I got it.
- Punch the clown.
- Is that one? - I'm tryin get it out there.
- How's it going? Mixed results.
Mel, you beautiful bride.
- How are you? - Awesome.
I was just trying to convince this stressed out young gentleman that he could relax if he visited the friction section at the guy-brary.
- Well, you do need to relax.
- What a great girl.
I'm just sayin', it wouldn't hurt you to punch the clown.
- How did you.
- He emailed it to me the other day.
Yeah, that's exactly what I want to do two hours before my wedding.
Go upstairs, drop trou, and just go to town with myself.
Hi, sir.
Thanks for the update.
- Dad, what are you doing down there? - Just trying to relax my back.
You know what will help you relax -= 109 =- " The Wedding " Sub VO : ¤AkaZab¤ Subs-Addicts" [Sub-way.
fr.]
See these? Your mom's awesome.
She made cocktail napkins with our faces on'em.
Yeah, well, she's driving me crazy.
She made me practice walking down the aisle in time to her clapping.
And step.
And step.
And step.
Don't be mad.
Come on.
You're gonna spoil your day.
Yeah, well, then you should tell her not to be such a Oh, good.
You two kids are taking a break.
That's nice.
You know, while you're here Here it is.
I'm proud of my many accomplishments today.
But none more than this.
You see, each flower is the birth flower of a member of the wedding party.
Don't you love it? It, it's good.
Yeah? I thought of that.
I forgot I've got to plump the feather on the guest book quill.
This is unbelievable.
She knows that I wanted to pick flowers from the garden for my bouquet.
She's such a control freak.
Honey.
Come on.
It's not worth it.
Let's just - You're gonna Carry it, right? - Of course.
I can't wait to toss it.
Right into the garbage.
Hey, come on.
I was joking.
Give it back.
No, I don't trust you.
I don't trust you.
- Give it back.
- No, no, no.
Sam, I've got your tux.
Melanie, if you didn't like my bouquet, you could've just told me.
You didn't have to give it to your goon to destroy.
- Goon? - Mom, come on.
I liked the bouquet.
Yeah, she liked the bouquet.
We both did.
Yeah, you know, i'm getting the feeling that you have absolutely no appreciation for the fact that I organized every single detail of this wedding.
Yeah, other than hiring some ridiculous Jive band to play you down the aisle.
First of all, it's a soul band.
And I don't think you're allowed to say Jive.
And second, they're gonna play a song that means a lot more to me and Sam than some random flowers.
See, see, I knew it.
I knew that you hated my bouquet.
Time out, everyone.
Let's just take a breath.
Remember the beauty of the day.
No, the only reason that you did everything was because I wasn't allowed to do anything.
- Or keep arguing.
- Okay, problem solved.
- I'm checking out.
- Fine.
What's that.
What's that mean? What's that mean? What's that mean? That's okay.
All right.
All right.
We'll let her cool down.
It'll be fine.
But god, she's got a lot to do.
Come on.
The wedding's in two hours.
How much more could there be? Here is the remaing 75 to dos.
Sorry you're.
I'm just gonna add "get bouquet.
" And "elope.
" It'll be okay.
We'll be fine as long as we just split it up.
- There you are.
- We need our sister.
We're way behind.
We need to get her dressed.
I know, but we, now we have a bunch of stuff we gotta do.
So Okay, do you want to get married to a straight-haired girl in a hobo sweater? I didn't think so.
Come on.
- Well, you'll be okay, right? - I you know, I'm gonna check off "get Mel dressed" and I I guess i'll see you later.
- Thanks, babe.
- All right.
Good luck.
Okay.
Be vigilant regarding kitchen tidiness.
- Honey.
- Hey, guy.
- That was a long one.
- Hey, dad.
Lookin'good.
We would've been here sooner, but this one never met - a hotel breakfast he didn't like.
- They had my favorite kind free.
- Nice.
- So how's it going? Mel and Angela just got in a huge fight.
Mothers and daughters always fight on the wedding day.
But once they see the flowers and the food, all that tension just melts away.
There's nothing in the world a little shrimp and cocktail sauce can't fix.
- But look at this list.
- Don't worry about all that.
Your only job right now is to get dressed.
Can I help you get dressed? I think I have it, but thank you, mom.
Yep.
Two left shoes.
I guess now my job is to go back to the tuxedo shop.
- Wear different ones.
- I only have brown.
Shoot.
I'd give you mine, but my feet are huge.
And, yes, there's a correlation.
Here.
Hand them over.
I'll take care of it.
All right, thanks, dad.
You must be the bartender.
- Where do you want these? - Are they altarpieces or centerpieces? - No idea.
- Okay, just go in the backyard and your guess is as good as mine.
How are you.
Is it, is it.
Sorry.
Why are you dealing with florists? - Where's Angela? - She, you know - I - Just sit.
Well, she got in a fight with Mel and checked out.
- Not again.
- Again.
Is "checking out" like a thing with her? Has she done this in the past? Once at our honeymoon in paris.
She had planned the entire itinerary.
And then I suggested a weekend in Madrid.
And she became furious.
If I didn't like her choices and wanted to waste my honeymoon in the Tijuana of Europe, that was my business.
She was checking out.
Then she got in the tub - and wouldn't budge.
- What'd you do? I watchedbonanzafor 11 hours in French.
And then I begged for forgiveness.
Okay, you know what, stay here.
I'll be right back.
Hi.
Aisle runner.
I don't know what those two words mean together.
- Backyard? Yeah.
Okay.
- It's Kinda heavy.
Yeah.
I got it.
Thank you.
I don't know, Dick.
I don't think Mel's gonna beg for forgiveness.
Then you'll have to.
'cause without Angela, there'll be no wedding.
Then, you know what, I will talk to her.
She sorry.
Did I get you? Hi, Jim from readylimo.
Where would you like me to park the car? - I think that'll be fine.
- Great.
You know, you don't have to sit in there all day.
It's gonna be few hours before we leave for the airport.
Do you want a glass or water or something? I'll get it, Sam.
One tall drink of water for a tall drink of water.
- Follow me.
- You must be the mother of the bride.
Grandmother.
I like you.
You couldn't possibly be the grandma.
All right.
Old but virile limo driver.
Check.
And the band is here.
Nice.
Everything is kinda falling into place.
- It's around here.
- Don't panic, hon.
What's the matter? Someone moved my purse and it had the most perfect lip shade in it for Mel.
Who loves you, babe? You are a god.
In the form of a bull.
What could be sweeter than young love? Experience.
So you guys must be the soul band.
What? - Why must we be the soul band? - I didn't.
I was Or the cater.
That's the two things that I was assuming you guys were.
I'm kidding.
Of course we're the soul band.
I'm wearin'a purple fedora.
Go ahead, guys.
So Angela said on the phone you have a mini generator we can use for our equipment.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'll find out.
And I'll get, snacks for Shaggy and Scooby.
Just'cause the van looks like mystery machine from Scooby-doo.
Hey, Angela.
In here.
So the ba You are in a tub.
- I thought you were Dick.
- Sorry.
Normally I do not bother people during bubble baths.
God, that smells good.
So the band is here and do you know where the generator is? It's in your fanny.
Is this part of checking out? No, I wouldn't do that.
That would be vindictive.
No.
I you know what, I will help them find it as soon as I'm out of the tub.
- Thank you.
When will that be? - Quarter past your fanny.
Thank you.
I swear that since your mom checked out, my back has gotten worse.
You know, I had a patient in Kenya used to complain of back pain like this.
You know what I did to make him feel better? I removed the lion that was biting him.
- Don't make me laugh.
- I'm sorry.
Actually, I just wrote him a scrip for muscle relaxants.
I'll get you a couple.
- Where you want guest towels? - Are they the same as regulars? You know, in the powder room.
It's around the corner.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
Now, will you go and talk to your sister or your mom? No.
No way.
So you'll help save lives in a refugee camp, but you won't help a groom on his wedding day.
Interesting.
I'm sorry, Sam, but I'm not going near that.
Okay, dad, you take it easy, okay? Lot of good you are.
Why don't you just go back to Africa? What did you just say? God.
No.
He works in Africa.
You heard it way, way out of context.
Sorry.
- Hold on.
- Did you find the generator, or should I just build one out of cotton and watermelon? Man I got it, buddy.
There's one in the garage.
Let me bring it out for you and top it off with a little juice.
Thanks, man.
I appreciate it.
- This guy's great.
- Oh, my god.
I just saw the cater drive up.
I got it.
I have to discuss with him how to display my budino.
Boy, I hope that means something different than how it sounds.
I wanted to make pudding parfait, but Angela didn't think it was fancy enough.
She insisted on budino.
- What's budino? - It's Italian for pudding parfait.
- Did dad come back with my shoes yet? - I think I saw him in the garage.
Thanks.
Dad.
What are you doing? The tux shop was closed, but the hardware store was open.
- You're gonna make me some shoes? - No, what am i, an elf? I have spray paint.
Bought it on sale.
We're gonna make your brown shoes black.
Kick those off.
- That gonna work? - It'll work, all right.
Now, I don't have my glasses.
Aim me in the right direction.
It says keep away from flame.
I think we should keep it away from you.
All right, back up.
Oh, god.
Oh, god.
I'm just gonna leave these cases right in here before we What? - No, man.
- Oh, my god.
You know what, i'm out of here.
Jeez, please sir, no.
I work at a magazine in the art department.
So we're always looking - for models and - Come on, guys.
- Man.
Listen.
I don't want you to think - Forget it.
Let's go, guys.
Come on, guys.
Please don't go.
And now I have to get a new band.
This is just perfect.
Oh, my god.
- Hey, don't worry.
We can fix this.
- How we gonna fix this? It's gonna be a perfect day.
Mom, mom, be careful.
God.
Pool's on fire, pool's on fire.
Somebody get some water.
How do you even set a pool on fire? I don't, use this language often, but this is really the pits.
I don't know what happened.
I really don't.
I you know, people were just.
You know, it was a wedding.
And they were walkin'around being helpful.
And, and then bam! Pool on fire.
Well, we have a lot of work to do in the next 42 minutes.
Are you offering to help, mom? Well, could you use my help? No.
No, I think I have it all under control.
Okay, how about.
I know.
I know.
We will start by picking flowers from the garden for your bouquet, just like you wanted.
I'd love that.
Look at you guys huggin'.
And that hug wouldn't have happened if I hadn't done that.
So was one of those.
Yeah, how about you just give me.
Give me the clipboard.
- I will get that.
- Sam, I will get that.
- You go on upstairs and relax.
- Probably a good idea.
I'll be back.
She said I should relax.
Reverend Lowell, we're so glad you're here.
Would you like some tea? - No thanks.
Where's Dick? - Right here.
Just a bit of a back situation.
I've been keeping him entertained.
I was just telling him about a hot sauce that is so hot, it's not even legal in this country.
Anyway, we are so appreciative that you came back.
Well, Angela, it is a testament to our relationship that I agreed to do this after Sam's little stunt last time.
I'm not in the habit of marrying people of questionable character.
No, he's really a good guy, reverend.
I wouldn't be marrying him if he weren't.
All right, well, guess I better change into my robes.
Of course.
You can use any room upstairs.
Okay, so, now where is that band of yours? They came.
They left.
Well, we need someone to play you down the aisle.
Hey, I play the bass.
I'd be happy to jump in.
That would be great.
Terrif.
I only know two songs, but my bass is in the car.
Great.
Okay.
All right, so that's done.
And then we've got.
Well, that's done too.
What's going on? - Is, is something wrong? - Everything is wrong! Reverend, I was just.
Reverend.
Reverend, please.
Wh what? I was just trying to relax.
You were punching the clown? I didn't hire a clown.
- Sorry.
- Well, what are we gonna do? We can't get married without a reverend.
You can if you have a judge.
- What's that song? - It's the theme Tobarney Miller.
That wouldn't be my choice, but it's beautiful.
You look so beautiful.
I can't believe this is actually happening.
Welcome, everyone.
We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Melanie Clayton and Sam Briggs.
And so, by the power vested in me by the State of Virginia by the State of Virginia And three prescription muscle relaxants I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Well, you may kiss the bride.
At subway okay.
All right.
Say good-bye to grandma.
Say, where is my mother? I haven't seen her in awhile.
I don't care.
- After you, wife.
- Thank you, husband.
Close it.
Close it.
I can't believe we pulled that off.
They're married.
They're actually married.
And gone.
Hey, guys, we need a ride to the airport.
The limo has been taken over by old people.
- Guys? - Mom? - Dad? - Don't let them in.
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