Amazing Stories (1985) s01e10 Episode Script

Cut out that beboppin'! Get away! Aah! Help! Help! Walter! Yes, dear? Ow! Aah! What are you doing? Aah! Nothing, dear! I told you I didn't want you playing with those dogs! Now, get in here! Ohh! Ahh! Walter! Yes, dear? Double-time! Yes, dumpling! Well? Where is it? It? My tutti-spumoni! I'm sick and tired of heavenly hash.
I'm sorry, dumpling.
Sorry excuse for a husband is what you are.
Is there anything else I can do for you? No! Yeah.
There's a spoon in the garbage disposal.
Get it out.
Yes, peaches.
I wanna go to Cypress Point, Florida, this summer.
Ya hear me? Yes, my little cherry blossom.
They got a fountain of youth I wanna check out.
Heh! - I'm stuck.
- Walter, hurry up.
Yes, dear.
Aah! I'm stuck! Ralph, get over here and give me a hand.
Sure, Dad.
I'll give ya a hand.
Oh, no.
Ohh.
Oh, my God.
Ralph? No, Ralph.
No.
No! Don't you do it! No! No! Oh! You hurt me! You lay a hand on that poor little boy again, and I'll smother you in your sleep! That poor little boy tried to grind my hand off in the garbage disposal! Don't you know a cry for love when you hear one? Love? Daddy hates me! Oh, don't worry, sweetums.
Mommy's here.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
There is no inner harmony here, no oneness with the cosmos.
We must manifest the selfness that suffuses the internal flow and let peace and innerness pervade our beings.
Where's the Cheese Whiz? As usual, your father forgot to go to the store.
Where's the Baco Bits? Same thing.
Can't you remember a simple thing like Cheese Whiz? I'm sorry, Mahkesh.
Ohh! Maheshura.
Maheshura! I'm sorry, Maheshura.
Maheshura.
Ohh, he is so pathetic.
Oh, that's right.
Go to your precious TV.
Run to Never Never Land and shut us out as usual.
You don't relate, Walter.
For all you know, there might be a Mozart here or there could be a Shakespeare or- or a Churchill or an Abraham Lincoln.
You don't know who might be in here, Walter.
I know who's in there.
There's an Attila the Hun in there.
That's who's in there.
What did you say? I said, "That's right, hon.
" - I've just about had it, Walter.
- TV, TV, TV night and day.
One of these days, you're gonna get a big surprise.
I want those control graphs, and I want them now.
And if I don't have them now, you're history.
Yes sir, Mr.
Beasley.
Right away.
We need these control graphs, and we need them now.
And if we don't have them now, you're history.
Yes, sir.
Right away, sir.
I want these control graphs right away.
If I don't get them right away, you are a memory! Yes, sir.
Right away.
Do these control graphs or you're dead.
Walter! - I'm here! - Close your eyes! Open! Well? What do you think? Very nice, dumpling.
Mm-hmm! Still a size nine.
And the whole outfit only cost me 85 bucks.
Eighty-five- Where did you ever get 85- My television set.
What happened to my television set? What do you think happened to it? I sold it.
How do you think I got the pumps, stupid? But it was- It was mine.
It was mine.
That was my television set! You had no right to sell it! That television set is ruining our sex life! What is this? May I help you, Mr.
Poindexter? You have fog on the floor.
Just a promotional gimmick, Mr.
Poindexter.
Now, how may I help you? Oh, I, uh- I wanted to see a- A television set, of course.
I think we have something just for you.
It's an excellent set, quite unique.
Twenty-four inches- diagonally measured, of course- with the patented Magic Touch remote control.
- It looks expensive.
- Tish tosh, Mr.
Poindexter.
Your credit is good here.
Shall we load it into the car? I guess so.
But you know my name.
How did you know my name? Oh, we make it a point to know all our customers.
Your signature, please.
From Wicked Zits, Wyoming, - Miss Wyoming, Yolanda Spreadwell.
- Wyoming.
She's got it.
From Chokachicken, North Dakota, Miss North Dakota, Fern Mertz.
Where'd that come from? I bought it.
With what? Credit.
Huh! Who'd give you credit? So, you've been holding out on me, you low-down, lying louse.
And here I am, slaving, and what do you pull? A private bank account- a stash! But, Grendel, you just don't understand.
Oh, no? I deserve better than this, Walter.
I deserve more! Let's hear it for all the girls.
Please define for all of us, What characteristics define your ideal man.
Well, my ideal man would have to be loving and warm, and share in my lifelong dream of a world at peace.
And I'd want to feed all the hungry people in the world, because- You're next! Huh? Turn it off! What? Turn it off, Walter, or I'll pulverize it.
No! I swear it.
Turn it off! No! Turn it off! All right! All right, all right, all right! Turn it off.
I mean it! I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna smash it! and he'd also have to have a wonderful sense of humor, because I would want to be with him all the time, all day and all night long- to cook for him and to clean for him, to listen to him and to learn from him.
And like Snow White, I would know my prince immediately.
All he'd have to do is kiss me.
Me? Just once.
Mother! Mother! B.
A.
's out buying earrings, the Colonel's out buying cigars and Murdock's out of his mind.
So- So what about me, huh? I mean, what do I get to be out of? You know, we're supposed to be a team, an equal team.
So if they're out of something, then I'm out of something.
Uh, anybody needs me, I'll, uh, be in tonight.
Wow! Ma, you'd better see this! Whoa, Dad! I didn't know you were a player.
Hey, you better get on the stick.
Um, I got the soul sisters coming over, and, uh, I'm gonna need the space.
Oh, Walter! Find me, Walter, find me.
Huh? Find me, Walter, find me.
What? Find me.
Find me, Walter.
You mean to take you? That's it! That's it! Take me, Walter.
Take me in matrimony! Oh! Excuse me.
Excuse me? What? Time to rise and shine.
Oh, yeah.
It's time for my morning beauty jog.
Well, what about breakfast? Oh, that's all right, honey.
You can have breakfast.
Aren't you going to cook for me? Cook? Cook? Hmm.
- Mmm! - Ahh! Oh, my goodness, I've overslept! I've never overslept in my whole life before, Ward.
Oh, I hope you won't fire me.
Oh, no, June.
Breakfast will be ready in 10 minutes.
Wally! Beaver! Time to get up! It's a school day! English muffins? Mm.
No, thank you, June.
Oh, the omelet was great, though, June.
Oh, thank you.
Wally? I'll Pasadena, Ma.
Ah! Good morning, family.
How are you? Good morning.
Good morning.
Oh, it's such a beautiful day! Now, eat your eggs before they get cold, Beaver.
Beaver? What's she talkin' about? I don't know.
Keeps calling me Wally.
What do you say we go up to the coast and run a game on a couple of chicks? I'd love to, kid, but I got a date with a couple of felons.
Mmm! Mom, what is this, chutney? June.
Boys.
I got something I want to say to all of you.
L-I just want you all to know that- Oh, whoa.
Gee, what is it, Dad? Gosh, I, uh- I wanted to say- That, well, I can't believe it.
You just about made me the happiest man on this face of the earth.
Oh.
Thank you, Ward.
What a dad! Are you enjoying yourself, Poindexter? Oh, no, sir, Mr.
Beasley.
I wouldn't do that, sir.
No, sir.
Good.
- Hello? - I'm sorry to disturb you at work, Ward, but I think you should come home right away.
- I'm worried about Wally.
- Oh, sure, June, sure.
Side, come on, and side! All the way! Move those legs! Hello! I'm home! Oh, hi, Dad.
Hello, Ward.
Hey, what's going on here? Oh, everything's fine.
Uh? Didn't happen to see the van outside, did you? No.
Hey, no van.
Torch it, Vito.
Huh? This looks like a one-gallon house.
What do you mean? What's going on? Uh, well, in my line of work, Dad, there are times when you have to stand up to life's, eh, underbelly.
See, a lonely, defenseless widow asked our help in smashing a loan-shark operation.
Unfortunately, my cover's been exposed, unbeknownst to the rest of the A-Team.
So you think you could help me, Dad? You borrowed money from loan sharks? Yeah.
Actually, these guys have been pretty reasonable as far as- Collateral's concerned.
Collateral? What do you mean? What kind of collateral? Oh, the house, the furniture, your car.
Come on, Dad.
There must be some loot lying around here somewhere.
I'm broke! We're broke! We're broke, Ward? Huh.
- Hey, this is a two-gallon house.
- Okay, guys.
Take it away.
No! No! Please, no! Not the TV! Anything but the TV! Now, listen.
For those slim-lookin' thighs, you have to kick 'em to the skies! And one and lift.
Lift.
Six, seven.
A few more.
Come on.
One, Hey, how did you do that, huh? And what's with the cutie-pie, huh? Ohh! Two, three.
They better look out for Alzado.
He is steaming over that call.
That was cute, huh? With the foot.
Hey, let me just show you something a little cuter, all right? - No! - Good-bye! Where's the quarterback? Where's the quarterback? It's him, right over there, the fat guy! Oh, me? - The quarterback! Aah! - No, don't! Don't! I'm gonna take your eyeballs! I'm gonna chew on the right one! I'm gonna take the left one- Walter, Walter, Walter! If you want tighter buns, you've gotta run, run, run.
You really do.
It's great for the cardiovascular.
Now, all you have to do is just lift those legs- Do a really good job of it.
Things are looking good, Mom.
I think the green guy's the Colonel.
Oh.
I'm gonna chew on the right one! I'm gonna take your neck and twist it around your back! Walter, name that tune! Mr.
Lange- Come on! You can do it! Come on.
Listen.
No! You garbage, animal! I'm gonna show you what a wimp you are In front of 20 million people.
Then I'm gonna turn you over to my boys here to finish the light work! Ahh, you like that very much! Stop! Stop! Stop! Try another one! Huh! All right.
Now, I'm the one that's gonna tell you how it's gonna be! Walter Poindexter of Pacoima, come on down! "Three Blind Mice" was the name of the tune.
- Walter! - You can do it! Sorry to come barging in.
Have you seen Michael? The car! Take the car! How dare you! You stand to make just as much money as I do ifJasmine is successful.
Take that, sucker! Walter, you only have 12 seconds left and seven tunes to name.
You can do it.
Pay attention.
There's $100,000 Walter.
Walter, you can do it! Stop it! Don't you tell me to stop it! Shut up! Please, leave me alone! Here's Walter! "Hiyo!" Mr.
McMahon! Oh, please, help me, Mr.
McMahon.
What do I do? What are you asking me for? I'm just a character on television.
I'm not real.
Go ahead.
Try.
Go ahead.
Don't be afraid.
Me, me! Over here, over here! Just gimme the box now! You see? Shadows.
Light and shadows.
Not real.
That's the whole trouble with this, Walter.
None of this is real.
That's right, Walter.
Don't be such a wimp, watching the boob tube all the time.
Yeah, tune us off.
Tune into people like your wife and kids.
Yeah, turn it off! Yeah, turn it off! Turn it off! - Turn it off! Turn it off! - Turn it off.
Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off! - Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off! - I'll turn it off! I'll turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off! I'll turn it off! Walter! Walter, come to bed, please! Just turn off the TV for once and come to bed, please! I'm lonely.