Big Day s01e10 Episode Script

I just got it.
What? Why you defended danny all these years.
He reminds you of your little ex, bob baron the one who used to mellow you out with his "wacky weed.
" Bob baron.
Hey, are you bringing the good stuff? Oh, yeah.
I always keep a pair of rehearsal rings on my person.
These say "lorna and dave," but it's a different lorna.
Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait.
My my contact lenses! I drank your contacts? I am legally blind without my glasses! Oh! great news.
A guy down the street died, and they're having an estate sale.
Check it out, huh? The widow was in no shape to haggle.
She was like "Take them! Take them! They remind me of him.
" And i even had her throw in a pair of rollerblades for, like, squadoosh.
So you can see now? Yeah.
They match my prescription perfectly.
So you can help me put together alice and danny's slide show for the reception.
Becca.
Becca, is that you? Come on! They entrusted me with this, you know? And i want it to be beautiful and meaningful.
You put it off all day long, and now you want me to bail you out.
No.
I was supposed to do it wks ago.
Now get your ass in here.
Fine.
i'm okay.
Why aren't you separating? Yelling at your eyelashes? Well, someone sure wants to look perfect for their old boyfriend.
No, someone wants to look perfect for her daughter's wedding.
Any word on bob's date-of-the-month? I don't ask for much just someone who can form a complete sentence.
Why are you so interested in his love life? Because every time we get together, you and bob go off and chat about the old days.
I get stuck with some coed, discussing what goes into a long island iced tea.
Yes, well,?to talk to tonight.
So do you.
There he is.
Ooh! oh, you wanna answer that so bad, don't you? bob is just an old, dear friend.
I mean, i appreciate your jealousy, steve, but really, i think that you're i'll get it.
I'll get it! Bob, so good to who are you? I'm david, the photographer.
Lorna, the new photographer's here.
Um, mrs.
Hopkins, this is david um, my ex-fianc? Who tore out my heart and stomped on it and left me bleeding on the side of the road the day after weent out our save-the-dates.
David, mrs.
Hopkins.
Oh.
Well, i'm sure you two have a lot of catching up to do, and i have no interest in witnessing it.
Yes.
Uh, come in.
Lorna.
David.
Thanks for the gig.
Oh, of course.
We're both professionals.
Yeah.
Any devastating betrayal or cruel deception in our personal life doesn't matter when we're on the job, right? Sure, yeah.
Oh, i was, um, cleaning out my place, and i found some of your stuff.
Oh.
Oh, our kitty coasters and the pinwheel from the walnut festival.
Two and a half years just whittled down to one tiny, impersonal, cardboard box.
It's a sad commentary on love and life, isn't it? Yeah.
I'm gonna need that box back.
Oh.
Yeah, okay.
Wow.
Your awkward phase was long.
Look at those buck teeth.
You could rake a zen garden with these puppies.
Yeah, well, these camp pictures of you and danny sure show off your little-boy man-boobs.
Hey, it wasn't my fault.
They put me on steroids fomy acne.
I'm keeping this one.
Give it back, grabby.
What? Give it back.
Don't i'll get it! Hello, bob who the hell are you? I'm becca's date, jonathan scott.
Becca! And you must be your friend is here! Ooh! I forgot.
I'm dating a doctor.
Hey, you.
Oh, hey.
You're here early.
Oh, shoot.
Really? I'm sorry.
I you wrote the time down on my hand, but then i had to wash up, so oh, right.
Uh, no.
I'm kind of a germ freak.
Ooh, you like showering.
I'll file that away.
Come on.
Let me show you around.
Okay.
I'm gonna go upstairs and put on my dress now.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
"See ya"? That's it? Uh, i love you? Danny, this is it.
After i go upstairs and put my dress on, we're officially on countdown.
You can't see me anymore.
This is our last moment together as unmarried people.
See you in 30 minutes for pictures.
Wow.
This is really happening, huh? Yeah.
I'm starting to get really nervous.
How about you? Are you nervous? Not really.
I don't know how you do it.
I wouldn't be able to make it through this day if you weren't so calm.
i'm gonna go get in my dress now.
No big deal.
Are you all right? Fine.
Fine.
Really good.
Here.
This is loose.
I'll get it! Bob! Oh, for crying out loud.
Just getting the rest of my stuff.
Hey, slim.
Lim.
Bob.
Look at you.
You could pass for the bride.
Oh, i don't know about that.
Hey, doc.
Bob baron.
So where's your date? Putting her bike lock on? Nope.
Flying solo tonight.
Oh, what happened? Did you and jenna break up? Or did she have midterms? Look, i'm not gonna lie.
I've dated some young, beautiful, active ladies in my day.
I thought their youth would rub off on me.
But the truth is, i've grown up.
I'm not gonna find happiness with a 20-year-old.
I finally know what i want.
220-year-olds? A mature woman.
Someone who's lived life a little.
Someone who gets me.
Someone who i can make laugh with a simple look.
Oh, my god, alice.
That dress rocks.
You're gonna look so beautiful.
Oh, well, i hope i can get into it.
It took four people to get me in this thing at my fitting.
Well, it's gotta be easier than squeezing a baby this big out of a hole the size of a okay.
L-i think we've had enough of the birth stories.
Oh, my god.
What? Is something wrong with the dress? your boobs are leaking! That's so cute.
Uh, i gotta go pump.
Oh, don't worry, alice.
I'll help you.
Oh, uh, you know what? That's okay.
No, that oh! No, seriously, i got it.
Uh mm whoa! You know what brittany, don't even worry about it.
I can i can go find becca.
And here's where you will be positioned for the ide's entrance.
You might wanna use a wide-angle lens, because all the guests are going to have uh, let me guess sparklers.
I tried to tell them, but there's just no talking to the mother.
How 2005.
Oh, david, i have missed this.
What happened to us? I cheated on you with dina, remember? Oh, right.
Yeah, yeah.
So you gonna say yes? To what? Bob baron.
He asked you to marry him down there.
Oh, please.
He's had so many beautiful, young women.
Why would he want me? Your guess as good as mine.
Wrong answer, steve.
Hello, springtime.
Yeah, this is a big step up from our days in the village, huh? Uh-huh.
Speaking of our days in the village, you mentioned on the phone you might want to partake.
oh, yeah.
Um i can't.
L- i still have, like, a million things left to do.
Well, at least take a little spin with me on my new bike.
You rode here on a motorcycle? '73 harley, just like when i lived on bleecker.
No, I-I-i shouldn't.
I really doing the things we shouldn't were always the most fun.
Come on, slim.
I'll have yoback in two minutes.
you are a bad influence, bob baron.
Come on, becca.
We got those slides to do.
Yeah, i kind of decided to bail on that.
Danny and alice? You do it.
I'm not spending the rest of my day working on some lame slide show.
Hey, becca.
Will you help me with my dress? Oh, sorry, honey.
I'm busy working on your slide show.
Fine.
I'll go ask mom.
Okay.
alice? Danny! I need to talk to you.
We can't see each other! Hey, dad.
Do you know where mom is? I need help with my dress.
She's out cruising on the back of bob baron's motorcycle, and i would not be surprised if she comes home with a case of the munchies.
Okay.
I'm gonna pretend i don't know what that means.
Forget your bong, bob? Shampagne with an "s"? Hi, steve.
Sorry to barge in on your daughter's wedding, but you left this at the club.
My wallet.
I would've gotten here earlier, but the sweetest old couple came in for a couch dance.
Oh.
Thanks.
No problem.
Well, i should probably get going.
In my experience, it's usually not a good idea for the wife to see me.
Know what i'm saying? Shampagne, wait.
In this case, i think it would be a very good idea Ah, my little hell's angel.
Come in here.
There's someone i'd like you to meet.
Jane, this is shampagne with an "s.
" We met at danny's bachelor party.
Hello.
Did you come by to pick up the glitter you left on my husband's head? Oh, sorry about that.
I tell you, between that and the dog hair, i can never keep my couch clean.
Oh, jane, aren't you going to introduce your friend to to my friend? Bob baron.
Shampagne de marqui.
No "s" in marqui.
Okay, so now we've all met, and thank you so much for stopping by, shampagne.
Hey, i just had a great idea.
Did you now? Well, uh, since bob is without a date, we have an extra place setting.
Yes, but i'm sure that shampagne with an "s" can't simply drop everything and attend a formal wedding on such short notice.
Why don't we ask her? Shampagne, do you have any plans tonight? Well, i do have a bachelor party to work oh, what a shame! But i don't have to be there till 2:00 a.
m.
, and at that time, the airport traffic's pretty light.
Great! Then it's settled.
Shall i inform lorna, or would you like to, sweetheart? Dan-o, you down here? Yeah.
Skobo! I'm really glad you're here.
I need to talk to you.
Cool.
I'm here for you,? What's the matter? Tell me.
I don't know if it's pre-wedding jitters or what's happening, but man, becca's doctor is really starting to piss me off, okay? I'm gonna punch that guy in his face.
Hey, let's try? Look, i love alice.
I do.
I want to marry her you know, every time? it's either because he cut me off in traffic or fleeced me in a fantasy trade.
But the doctor's done nothing to me.
I mean, what do you think it is? Dude, you're jealous.
Jealous? Why would i be jealous of this guy, huh? I could totally take him.
You're jealous because he's with becca, and you like becca.
Becca.
Y- y-you think i like becca? He thinks i like becca.
Can you believe this? Oh, okay, fine.
You know what? Fine, you don't like becca.
But can we get back to me now, please? Because i need to be talked off this ledge! Man.
I like becca.
What are you doing? Picking something out for miss de marqui.
What color do you think will bring out her eyes? Okay, steve, you've made your point.
You can send her home now.
But, jane, she's just an old, dear friend.
Steve, this is entirely inappropriate.
It is our daughter's wedding day.
That hasn't stopped you from gallivanting around with your old boyfriend.
Mom, can you help me get into my dress? not now, alice! Look, i'll make you a deal.
You get rid of bob, i'll get rid of shampagne.
I will do no such thing.
In fact, i was just on my way to show him my studio.
He wants to see some of my work.
Oh, i'll bet he does.
You're just jealous because he supports my creative side, and you don't.
What more can i do, jane? I built you a pottery studio.
You've made a grand total of three pots.
I bought you a store to sell your rainforest tchotchkes.
The place bleeds money.
You wanna know why i don't support your creative side? Here's your answer you don't have a creative side.
No, wait, jane.
Honey Well, guess there's no sense wearing this thing anymore.
It's a beautiful cake, isn't it? It's all right.
It's not as good as dina and i are having.
We're doing a traditional french cream puff tree.
A croquembouche? Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's what we were gonna have at our wedding.
Was it? I created an entire parisian theme, remember? Every table was going toe named after an actual parisian street, or rue.
Huh.
You're doing that, too? I don't believe this.
You and dina are having my dream wedding.
they're really good ideas, lorna.
You should be happy.
At least someone's having your wedding.
Just tell me that you're not making your grand departure in a replica world's fair balloon.
I don't think i could handle that.
Well, then, i suggest you don't look in the night sky on october 5th.
October 5th? Our wedding date? They had a cancellation.
Our cancellation! Hey, where you been? I got in a huge fight with my wife.
Oh, you want me to rub my boobs in your face? I don't think so, but but thanks.
That's that's very thoughtful of you.
Look, steve, you gotta go talk to her.
No, let her go.
Who cares? Steve, listen to me.
I see a lot of laps in my line of work, d i gotta tell you i've never sat in a more married lap.
You mean it? You're crazy about her.
Yeah, but she trust me.
A stripper knows these things.
Now i want you to go to her, steve, right now.
Fight for her! What am i doing? You're right.
I will.
Thanks, shampagne.
glitter.
Oh, right.
You you're outta here.
Man, what is your problem? She's my problem, all right? I didn't realize it till you showed up, but now i do.
Becca and i are together, so you're history.
Since when are you and i together? Yeah, she told me she was available repeatedly.
Well, she's not.
Honest mistake on your part, though, considering you just met her today.
And you just met me yesterday.
Exactly.
I have dibs.
You're calling dibs on me? Look, i'm not a spiritual guy, but sometimes in life, things happen for a reason, and one of those times was last night at the rehearsal dinner.
If that waitress had said yes, i would've gone home with her.
And then i wouldn't have drowned my sorrows at the bar, which means i wouldn't have gotten so loaded and angry that i hooked up with you.
But you know what? I did.
And i've got news for you, baby.
I plan on hooking up with you for a long, long time.
danny? Don't worry.
I'm not coming upstairs.
I'm not gonna see you in your dress.
I actually kind of need your help.
You're my last hope of getting this thing on before the wedding.
Close your eyes, okay? Okay, stand up.
Yeah.
Right, just help me pull it down a little ow! Don't rip it.
Well, i'm sor you know, i think i could probably be a little more helpful if you let me open my eyes.
All right, fine.
Turn around.
I'm sorry i snapped at you.
I think I i'just so freaked out that everyone abandoned me.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, this proves it.
You are the only person in the entire world that i can truly, truly count on.
Hmm.
Yeah, yeah.
Are you okay? Mm.
You're all weird and quiet, and you're nose-breathing.
Oh, my god.
You're nervous.
I'm not nervous.
Honey, it's okay.
I'm nervous, too.
I'm not nervous! I'm just just because i've, um, s-sweaty palms, and i'm stammering, and I-i threw up that bagel that you made me but that doesn't mean that i'm nervous necessarily whoa.
okay.
I'm good now.
I love you.
I love you.
Now close your eyes! You're gonna jinx us.
So? Come on.
Uh david, if you and i are going to work together, there is something we need to get out of the way.
What's that? I need to punch you really hard.
Punch me? Really hard.
It's the only way.
Okay.
Just not in the face.
I'm getting married soon.
oh! Okay.
Okay.
Did that do it for you? No.
I don't know what i was thinking.
That didn't solve anything.
Aah! Aah! That did.
You look great.
is this part of your dress? Oh, crap.
All right.
Start unbuttoning.
So? Oh, skobo.
Uhh! Don't you ever do that to me again! Ow! Ow! Ow! Huh? You hear me? You hear me? Okay! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Jane? Jane, honey.
jane? Jane.
What's up, doc?