Billy and Billie (2015) s01e10 Episode Script

[ Keyboard clacking .]
[ Dogs barking in distance .]
[ Birds chirping .]
[ Sniffs, sighs .]
Hey.
Hi.
When did you get in? About an hour ago.
I took one of those zipcars, thought it would be faster than the train.
And it was.
It was zippy.
What about you? Did you come with drew? Oh, no, that's, um, no.
[ Smacks lips .]
I took the train last night.
I was finishing a deadline and -- for the new issue, and, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Thanks for the coffee.
Sure.
It's pretty efficacious.
Just meaning that it's -- don't be a douchebag.
Yeah.
You're so right.
James: Morning, kids.
Hey.
You guys want some coffee? Uh, no, thanks for making it, though.
[ Clicks tongue .]
Hey.
Seriously.
You two doing okay? It's just us talking now.
Yeah, I think we're Think we're doing fine.
Good.
Great.
Glad to hear it.
So what's on the agenda today? Does Candice have anything planned? [ Sighs .]
I'm not sure.
Probably brunch -- i guess somewhere, the club, maybe.
You guys want to do anything? Up to you.
Whatever.
I just came up 'cause mom asked me.
Geez, wow.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Good morning, by the way.
The hell was that all about? [ Smacks lips .]
Oh, just stuff.
You guys want to play some touch football on the lawn later? I think Carson would love that.
I don't know, get some folks up here, and we could all It would be fun, right?! I guess.
I'm sure you have some friends up here over the weekend.
I don't have any friends.
I'm being serious.
I'm serious, too.
I certainly don't hang out with anyone from high school.
Rick Tucker's kids.
Who? Carly sistel -- and her brother.
What about Billie's friend from -- the actress.
Drew? Drew.
You want me to see if she wants to play football? [ Scoffs .]
Okay, man, I'll -- I'll talk to Billie.
Terrific.
You want breakfast? Make some eggs.
Yeah, okay.
All right.
Ooh.
You know what you're doing in here? Hello?! Are people coming or what? The reservation is for 12:30! Billie: Coming! Oh, wow! You scrub up nicely.
Thanks, mom.
[ Chuckles .]
Aw! That was a really weak fist-bump.
We'll try again next time.
Come here, you.
Hi.
Mwah.
Mwah.
You okay? I'm fine, thanks.
Okay.
Let's have a really nice Thanksgiving tomorrow, okay? Yeah, happy to do it.
All right.
And would you do me a big favor and [ Clears throat .]
Keep an eye on your stepfather for me, please.
Just Why? You know how he is.
He just No, I mean, has he been doing something lately? No, no, no, he's not, no.
He's -- he's, uh He's -- he's been quite loving, actually, and romantic.
Huh.
I just -- I just think he's been drinking a little bit more.
I see, okay.
And I just don't want it to get out of hand.
And the holidays are stressful for him.
Sure, the holidays.
So, all right, thank you so much.
Uh, mom? Mwah! Yeah? I, uh This suit is so pretty.
Oh, thank you.
You look great.
Well, this is the suit that I wore for the vow renewal.
Oh, is it? Wow.
But who's gonna know that anyway? Fuck it.
[ Both laugh .]
All right, listen, I'm gonna see what Carson's up to.
And of you would do me the biggest favor and get the boys down here, that would be a big help.
We're going to be late! Mom, and you know, it's just lunch, so Oh, no, brrrunch! Brunch.
Okay, you guys, we're leaving.
Coming.
You look really pretty.
Whatever.
All right.
Just a little -- a little complement coming at you.
Thank you.
Thank you for the compliment.
James: My goodness! Look at my two children.
You'd think it was easter! I wouldn't get this dressed up for Jesus.
I would -- Jesus was cute.
Okay, stop, stop.
Look, I know you two like to be top of the cynical, snarky pile all the time, but could you just please lay off of the jokes about Jesus? Is that all right? I wasn't joking.
Jesus was a fucking rock star, so Billie, please.
I'm sorry, do you want me to live a lie? Nobody's asking you to live a lie, just keep your Jesus comments to yourself.
Whatever you say, dad.
Geez, she's in a mood this week.
Am I? Are we taking two cars? Uh, I'll take the zipcar I paid for, so I'll drive that.
Oh, yeah, your mother and I will take the jag.
You think Carson should come with us or maybe go with you? He can go with you guys.
We're gonna take him.
Oh, good, great -- he misses you guys.
You know, we can't, you know, make out in the car is the only thing.
Huh?! Mmm.
Huh?! Kidding.
All right, fine.
Um, we are late.
We should go.
Yeah, well, I've been ready, actually.
I have been ready, too.
That's bullshit, I'm sorry.
No, no, you were not ready.
Guys, guys, guys! Guys, guys, guys! Guys, we don't have to quibble, we just have to go, we're late.
Um Carson Um, you're going to go with your sister and your brother, okay? That's your sister and I'm your brother.
Sound like fun? [ Chuckles .]
Oh, baby! Oh! Aww.
Billie: Carson? I don't mind.
It's nice to be needed by someone.
Oh, heavens, you're still needed, pretty lady! Oh, stop! You're still my girl! don't be jealous, honey.
[ Chuckles .]
Mwah! Mmm! [ Giggles .]
Oh, Jesus, stop.
All right.
All right.
All right.
[ Chuckles .]
What?! God, when did love become an ugly word? It's not an ugly word, it just gets uncomfortable when you guys make out in public.
Not in public, it's our home.
Let me rephrase it, when you make out on top of Carson.
On top of Carson.
Poor boy's soaked.
Oh, please! It's gross.
Gross? We think it's gross.
I could think of a couple of other love connections that people would think -- that's funny, I could also think of some inappropriate scenarios, but let's not.
Candice: No, no, not -- please.
Please, stop! Stop, stop, stop! We are late, we need to go now, okay? I was ready.
Carson, come with us.
You gonna want to ride shotgun? Yeah? Let's do it.
Want to drive? Candice: [ Chuckles .]
No.
Let's do it.
Are you driving? Yeah.
Thank god.
James: Ready? Hut, hut, hut! Ohh! Oh, Billy! Billy: Yeah, that was -- that was my fault.
All right, come on, guys.
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on! Why, we're not on the clock?! Let's go, let's go, let's go! Line it up, line it up! Okay, ready.
Here I go.
Red, blue, Oklahoma! Red, hut, hut, hut! Oh! What the hell was that?! [ Groans .]
I'm on defense.
It's -- it's touch football, sweetie! Touch, not smash football, okay? Look at this! What is that?! Oh, that's a little blood.
Sorry, I don't know my own strength.
It's like the "Easton assassin.
" That's a boxer, Billy -- a boxer! All right.
Larry Holmes, Jesus! Never even played football.
Wasn't a football player.
[ Panting .]
You drew blood.
You want some ice? Just -- that is just -- it's not that bad.
Please do not tell me how I feel! Okay?! Just let me be in control of that much of my life! It's okay, folks.
Sorry.
She just whacked me pretty good here.
Oh, whatever.
Whatever, right.
You know, you have had a stick up your you know what ever since you came up here last night.
Really? And I don't get it, i really don't.
Oh, well, you fucking should! What's that?! Nothing! Let's ju-- [ groans .]
You know what? I think I am gonna go in.
I feel one of my teeth might be a little What?! You're going in? You invited all these people! I am injured, okay?! I am feeling a filling now.
All right.
The edge of it! All right? I'm gonna go check it.
Well, just go in if you're gonna go in.
don't be such a fuckin' Princess about it.
Okay! Okay! This is really something.
Carson, come inside.
What?! He can stay out here.
No! You play too rough! Oh, for fuck's sake! Carson, do you want to play, buddy? Come on, come on.
don't look back.
Billie: Oh, my god.
No, no, come on, come on, Carson.
Come on.
Sorry, sorry, guys.
I'm really sorry.
He's all right.
He's hungry.
Um, okay, krycek, go long for me, I'll All right, no hitting.
Hut, hut, hike! Okay! [ Grunts .]
Sorry.
God! Okay, if you can get the glasses.
Could you get the plates, sweetheart? Okay.
It's no problem.
And I think we are ready to go.
James, sweetheart, dinner's ready.
I'm not hungry.
Oh.
Is your mouth bothering you or Not really, no.
A bit.
Okay, is anything bothering you? I mean, anything besides that? No, of course not.
It's just my teeth hurt, and I'm not hungry.
All right? Fine.
Are we eating now? Uh, your father's not hungry.
Well, that's fine, we can still eat.
We'll just save him some.
Yep.
Just go ahead and have a nice meal without me.
I'm fine.
Same for tomorrow, too.
Cut me out of Turkey day while you're at it.
Billy: What's going on? We said, you know, we'd save you some, or come eat now.
And I said no.
Go on, go eat.
I'm fine right here.
If we're not eating now, I'm just gonna go out for a little while.
No, please, come on, we did all this, so let's eat.
You want me to give you a ride somewhere? I got the car.
No, I don't.
Oh, yeah, make sure that you two go out on a date while you're up here.
James! What?! James: I thought that was out of your systems.
That's what you told me, didn't ya? Well, Billie told me that.
Listen, why don't we get out of here for a minute? Let me give you a ride.
They're going on a date! What the fuck do you know about it? James.
Listen! No, you fucking listen, okay? You're in no position to tell anyone anything about love or relationships or marriage -- nothing, 'cause you're the fucking worst at it.
Okay, you're the fucking worst of all -- of all fucking time! So you just keep your fucking opinions to yourself, James.
Who are you to talk to me like that, huh? I'm your fuckin' stepdaughter, that's who! You little ungrateful asshole! I'm ungrateful?! Candice: Stop it! You're the one that's taking all this for granted, you piece of shit! Shut up! This family's fucked! Candice: Carson! [ Footsteps depart .]
I'll go get my keys.
That sounds good.
I hope you're happy.
[ Sighs .]
Hope your ha-- shut up.
[ Scoffs .]
Shut your fucking face! Nice, nice talk.
[ Doorbell rings .]
Nice talk.
[ Sighs .]
Hey, girl.
What's going on? Hi.
Hi.
I've been trying to get ahold of you for, like, a week.
Is everything What? I baked you a pie.
Happy Thanksgiving, love, the Peters.
Dad, it's for you! [ Engine shuts off .]
Okay, we're far enough away from the house now, so I can ask -- what the fuck? Come on.
We've been needing to talk about all sorts of shit for a while now, so can we do that, please? I know you're mad at me, i know.
And I'm sorry.
I fucked up on so many levels.
I get that, I do.
I just -- I wish you'd tell me what's happening.
You have no fucking idea, do you? No, I don't.
About us? No, it's not about us.
There is no us.
It's about dad.
What did he do now? He's fucking drew.
[ Scoffs .]
No.
Yes, don't fucking say no, because he is.
It's true.
I saw them together.
And he is, and she is, and they're a fucking couple, so chew on that.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
Does mom know? I don't know.
I mean, not about the drew part, but -- but she must know fuckin' something.
Oh, that fucking asshole.
What a fucking -- that's the worst! [ Chuckles .]
I'm sorry, that is the worst! It's actually -- it's the worst! No, I mean, it's actually not the worst.
It's -- i mean, they're awful, and then I want to kill both of them.
Jesus! Just, like, fucking vaporize them.
But the worst Fucking god.
part is not that I lost my best friend and that dad is just this, you know, this hideous, lecherous fuck who has been using mom for, like, two decades.
Oh, my god.
The worst part is that you are just like him.
And I am just like her.
And that -- that makes me so fucking sick and so fucking sad.
We're not.
don't say that.
Um, she warned me that you were a user.
And she's right.
You are.
No, I'm not.
You are, too.
You fucking are.
I'm nothing like him, so stop saying it.
[ Laughing .]
That's bullshit.
No, it isn't.
Uh, it is.
You tell me, you go ahead and tell me how you're not like him.
I'm just not.
Okay, um, you fucked September like 10 seconds after we took a breather.
And that -- I know, and that was a mistake that I admitted to and apologized.
No, a breather that you wanted to take.
I have said I'm sorry.
Okay, well, that is exactly what dad's gonna say.
Stop saying I am like him! I am not like him! Stop it! Could have fooled me.
Fuck it.
I think you're right.
I shouldn't be your boyfriend.
I shouldn't be anyone's boyfriend.
Probably not.
You were the best thing in my life, and I fucked it up.
I forced you to do it.
I forced you to be with me, and I -- I pushed you out on a ledge, and I forced you off, and then I fucking left you there alone.
I did that.
I don't deserve you.
I'm not gonna ask you to be in a relationship with me.
I won't do it.
But, Billie Can I please be your brother again? You need someone right now.
I know you do.
I know you do, and I do, too.
And I can do that.
I wasn't any good the first time, but I will.
I can be.
I Can we do that? Can we be there for each other? Can we be brother and sister? Oh, god.
[ Sniffles .]
What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm gonna fuck my brother in a zipcar.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
[ Horn honks .]
[ Door opens .]
[ Door closes .]
Kids? Billy: Hey.
Candice: Hey.
How was the drive? Billie: Good.
Good drive.
What's going on here? Nothing.
Just -- mom? Just, uh Your stepfather and i have been talking, and, uh I'm getting a place in the city.
Give it a try for six months.
We just think that's the best thing for now.
We're working it out.
Nothing to worry about.
Promise.
Nothing that's gonna ruin the holiday.
Well, this might.
Um Candice: What? Oh, no.
Can't this wait? No, it can't.
No, we just want to talk to you, tell you what's going on with us.
Oh, come on, it's Thanksgiving tomorrow.
So what? It's -- it's a holiday when we're all supposed to be together.
This won't change that.
Yes, it will -- it will! Mom, please, just listen.
Billie, sweetheart, you're just -- you don't understand.
You're just too young to underst-- mom, I love him.
What? I love him! You can't.
Okay? I do.
Billy: I love her, too.
Sorry.
That's the truth.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Listen, can't we just Um, sorry, but we can never take your advice ever again, so please, stop.
That's fine.
It is fine.
That is just fine.
I don't -- i don't even know what to say.
You could wish us happiness.
You could wish us a great life.
Anything in that general ballpark would be very appreciated.
Oh, my god! She obviously has strong feelings about this.
Obviously.
It's complicated.
But, hey What part of life isn't? Look at your old man.
You two want to go out there and fight this thing, something that people will hold against you for the rest of your lives -- and they will, there's no two ways around it you have my blessing.
Go for it.
We're going to.
Thanks.
don't even need your blessing.
I think you better go.
Yeah, we're gonna go.
Go back to the city.
[ Sighs .]
Happy Thanksgiving.
You, too.
I know what I'm thankful for.
[ Snickers .]
You're such a softie.
That is what she said.
This is nice.
Mm-hmm.
I don't want to do anything today.
I don't want to cook.
Okay.
I don't Maybe even want to eat.
Maybe a movie.
And I wouldn't mind fucking you.
That can be arranged.
I don't even think we need to get out of bed.
That's perfect.
[ Ring tone plays .]
Hey, mom.
Yeah, well, dad thought it was best.
No, I'm sorry, but you left and we'd already talked about it.
Yeah, I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving, too.
What? What does that mean? Sorry, say that again.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, talk soon.
What? What is it? She said that she just wanted us to know that when she and your dad got married, it wasn't the first time they got together, so What? They can't be sure, but Wait.
I'm sorry, what does that even mean? She said, "you do the math.
" Oh, fuck.