Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012) s01e10 Episode Script
It’s Bubbly Time, Jerry
This is a 1962 VW split-window double-cab bus in dove blue, primer gray, and rust.
The interior is gray vinyl and duct tape.
It's equipped with a 1971 60 horsepower dual port four-cylinder engine.
What's cool about this bus is that it was used as a service truck for a VW Porsche repair shop in Campbell, California.
It has a flat bed, two rows of seats and an extra door on one side.
- Michael? - Jerry.
- Would you like to get a coffee? - Definitely.
Come over.
- I'll be there in a few minutes.
- Okay.
Hi, I'm Jerry Seinfeld and this is Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.
Today my guest is Michael Richards.
He played my next-door neighbor for nine years on TV.
And we're still very close.
Why would you drink coffee? You need a boost? - You looking for a boost? - I need attention and I need a boost.
I want to get your reaction, unvarnished to this vehicle that I've chosen specifically for you.
Oh, gosh, that's - I love it.
- What do you want? - This is you, Michael.
- This is me.
I like this.
I can throw my gear in it.
You don't have to have coffee.
It's just the name - I don't think you drink - I do.
What is it? Coffee, liquor, money.
Is that your life now? - Oh, Jerry.
- Coffee, liquor, money.
- Those are my priorities.
- Coffee, liquor, and a lot of money.
What else can I point out to you? Now, this is the Getty Museum over here on the left.
It was up for sale, Jerry.
They wanted 7.
5 million dollars.
Take a look at the front of it.
It's sliding down the hill.
They put that retaining wall at the bottom because they anticipate more of it to come down.
- My God.
- And the swimming pool's already gone.
Half the pool's already slid down.
- Oh, my God.
- Now look.
Look! There's the swimming pool, Jerry.
Look! Why would you buy 7.
5 and you know inevitably it's all coming down? Just a slight tilt in the axis and it's bubbly time.
You're under the sea.
Remember, I played you and you played me in that episode because we switched apartments? The Kenny Rogers Roasters.
- I'm awful at this.
- The orange sign.
When you opened the door and the orange light hit you and you leaned backwards That was one of the funniest bits.
But that was the intellectual aspect of your comedy that I always appreciated.
That the light is so strong, it's gonna bend my spine.
- Oh, God.
Those were good days.
- Those were good days.
You gave me the role of my lifetime.
You gave me the experience of my lifetime.
Getting to play with you.
You know, being around you, Jerry I'm gonna turn into that crazy character.
- It's gonna happen, gradually happen.
- Go ahead.
- Can you turn on one of these streets? - Yes, which one? - Like El Medio? - Yes.
Up here is where Sugar Ray Leonard lives.
He lives in this house right here.
Let's stop and say hello.
- Are you friends with him? - Yeah, I know him.
He may invite us in.
Sugar! Sugar! Hey, Barry.
What are you doing here? He told me Sugar Ray Leonard lives here.
This is Barry Katz.
The last time I saw him was in my 2002 documentary,Comedian.
All he has to do is just: - Are you on your way here? - Yes.
- Really? - Hey, hi.
- Is Sugar in? - Sugar in? - Does Sugar Ray Leonard live here? - No.
Oh, geez.
Have you got the wrong house? - Whose house is it? - Jay Mohr.
- Who's Jay Mohr? - He's a comedian and an actor.
- It's the next house.
I made a mistake.
- Are you sure? - It's the next house.
- So Jay Mohr lives next to Sugar Ray Leonard? We should say hello.
It'd be rude not to.
- Is that a real dog? Look at that.
- I didn't know he was gay.
Oh, I'm frightened.
I'm sure that was his house.
It's odd that - So, what do you think of it? - Oh, I think the car's great.
It makes me want to take things like this, you know, and just kinda: This is a long drive for a cup of coffee.
Somebody waylaid me at Sugar Ray Leonard's.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm awful sorry.
- Now, tell me the truth - You know what's gonna happen? - Do you really know Sugar Ray? - Do I really know him? - Tell me the truth.
- No.
I don't know him.
- See, I don't remember the past - Well, of course you don't.
There's nothing else to remember.
There goes 125 years of psychology right out the window.
There's nothing to remember.
Just be.
You gotta have some reflection and know that that kind of behavior - in the past, will wind you up in jail.
- Right.
Jail is such a Really a way that a grown-up would punish a child.
You go in there.
And you stay in there.
Robbing a 7-Eleven.
Get in that cell.
- I mean, to drive a car through a crowd - Yes.
with a sandwich in your hand, not looking where you're going You sit in that cell and think about what you've done.
Charles Manson.
That was supposed to be a party.
- You should be ashamed of yourself.
- And they'll be no dinner tonight.
How weird an experience was that for Jay Mohr? Who was at my front door? What were they doing? They were looking for Sugar Ray Leonard's house.
- And they called my dog what? - I don't want to say.
Are we really going in there? Are you serious? All these people? We can't just walk in there going, "Hi, we're not normal people.
" We're not normal people.
You just walk right in and go, "I'm here"? I'm here, you deal with it.
That's why I bring my kit with me.
Now you don't know.
See? You don't know who I am.
Do you? No.
I know you're crazy.
I don't know, Jerry.
Hey, look.
There's me.
- That's the same hair.
- That's the same guy.
- Isn't that amazing? - That's amazing.
That's amazing.
How you doing? I can't believe it's the same exact hairstyle.
- Look at this.
- Look at that.
The same sunglasses.
Wait a minute.
This is unbelievable, isn't it? - Yes.
- I could probably hide out as you.
- And I could hide out as you.
- This is unbelievable.
Life is a hideout.
No one is gonna believe that that just happened.
You should wear a hat and some sunglasses.
Oh, Michael.
Free yourself.
We're just raindrops on a windshield, Michael.
I wanna know who's wiping me off.
Jesus.
Who put that there? I was thinking this morning, I swear to God we would be rehearsing, something dumb would happen, or weird and you would just go, "Well, that was interesting.
" And the wheels would start to turn.
That's how you play chess.
He makes a move and you go, "That's interesting.
Interesting.
" I used to play chess.
When I was in the Army I played.
I was unbeatable.
I was very, very good at it.
With chess, there's ratings.
And chess master is about 2100.
And I was playing a computer on a 2100 level.
- Really? - Yeah.
So I had been playing that machine for weeks and then I happened to be on Hollywood Boulevard standing on the corner and I saw this man, tattered, dirty.
He was a street person.
And he had a chess set there to play.
And I said, "You play chess?" He says, "I do, I do.
" - But it's a homeless guy.
- It's a homeless guy.
I said, "I'll tell you what, I'll play you a game.
" He goes, "I'll play you two games.
I beat you two times, you can't play me no more.
" Puts out his hands, you know, to see who's gonna go first.
Black, white.
I pick.
I'm white.
That means I have the first move.
I already have the advantage.
- Are you sitting on the sidewalk? - I'm on the sidewalk.
- I'm down here like this.
- Right.
So I move my piece out, he moves his piece out very quickly.
I said, "Oh, he stops that move.
" So I move a knight out, he moves out the pawn.
He moves out the bishop, in two minutes he's moving.
He's got me in a defense, boom, checkmate.
I'm like, "Whoa.
" He checkmated me in two minutes.
Nobody has ever checkmated me in two minutes.
Nobody.
Not even the machine can checkmate me in two minutes.
But this time I said, "Okay, let's play.
Let's play chess.
" He makes me pick.
I go first again.
Okay.
I lean in.
He moves out his knight, I move my bishop checkmate! Faster than the first time.
Now he's putting his stuff away and I'm going, "Let's play again.
" He goes, "No, no, no.
I beat you two times, you can't play me no more.
" I'm walking down Following the guy down the street going, "Come on, let's play.
" He's going, "No, no, you leave me alone.
" I'm going, "Come on, let's just play another game, come on.
" He wouldn't play me.
I went home, I called a friend who's a professional chess player.
I said, "Leon, I played a guy on the street who beat me twice.
" He goes, "Yeah, you played a savant.
When I'm in tournament in a city, I look for those guys, to play those guys.
" I say, "You beat them?" He goes, "Never.
" - Really? - Really.
I always thought, "Can you get one of those guys in a tournament?" Imagine.
He says, "You can't hold them in place.
They're crazy, but unbeatable.
" So he could really beat the greatest chess player in the world.
Possi Most likely.
He told me at the beginning.
"I beat you two times, that's it.
We don't play anymore.
You can't play me anymore.
" Why would he set a rule like that? Because he's done it over and over again and he doesn't have a lot of time to be fooling around with somebody he can beat so easily.
That's probably why.
What was it that he was able to do so well that he could win so fast? He saw the moves before they took place.
This is where it gets a bit metaphysical.
Perhaps you have to be ultimately crazy or dislodged from the kind of reality that we're all adjusting to.
There are other kinds of realities, other kinds of zones - to inhabit.
- Right.
Great artists have inhabited zones and then it becomes a new paradigm.
People go, "Wow, we hadn't thought about going there.
" I invented a chess board.
I wanted to play it in the round.
So you're, like, on the north and the south pole and your pieces, so you can play in all directions.
That's when I had to stop playing chess.
I remember when we were putting the show together.
First thing I said when they said, "Well, how about Michael Richards?" I went, "Is he available? Is Michael Richards available?" You had to audition with two other guys for the network.
Two? You brought me back three times.
There was a whole room of different people.
Yeah, but here's like chess.
I knew I was gonna get the part.
I knew it on the first time I met you.
- Really? - I knew it.
I never said a thing.
And I never said it to you.
I knew when I started reading with you, they can't pass that up.
You just feel the hand of the universe going, "You two are gonna be together.
" I could've played Kramer for the rest of my life.
- Yes.
- That character would fit into any situation.
It was a great universality to the soul of that character.
- I went to Bali, get away.
- Right.
Get away for a little while.
I like to just step away from the world.
I go out into the jungle.
I'm way deep into the jungle now.
And I see some naked people and they point at me, they go: He says, "Kramer?" They recognized me from the TV show.
They had a hut with a cable out there somewhere.
They could watch They had a little television.
They watched the show.
In the jungles of Bali.
You know those performers who just love it? It's always a struggle with me.
No.
I don't accept the judging of process.
It doesn't matter that you like to rehearse with your nose up against the flat, saying lines.
- That doesn't matter.
- You used to see me back there, huh? Yes.
We're all trying to get to the same island.
Whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in it doesn't matter.
What matters is when the red light comes on.
Okay.
Because sometimes I look back at the show and I think I should have enjoyed myself more.
Michael, I could say that myself.
But that was not our job.
Our job is not for us to enjoy.
Our job is to make sure they enjoy it.
And that's what we did.
You know, that's beautiful.
That's beautiful.
Because I think I work selfishly.
And not selflessly.
It's not about me.
It's about them.
- Yes.
- I Now, that's a lesson I learned seven years ago, when I blew it in the comedy club.
Lost my temper because somebody interrupted my act and said some things that hurt me and I lashed out in anger.
I should have been working selflessly that evening.
Most of the time, when I'm in that zone, I am selfless.
Right.
You told me that you had done a couple sets.
- No, I never - Do you want to? Sometimes, I say, "Oh, I must.
I should.
" And normally, I would have gone in and played around with this material.
But no.
I I busted up after that event seven years ago.
It broke me down.
It was a selfish response.
I took it too personally.
I should have just said: "You're absolutely right.
I'm not funny.
I think I'll go home and work on my material.
I'll see you tomorrow night.
" And split.
Or something.
Anything.
But, you know, it's just one of those nights.
And thanks for sticking by me.
- No really, you - There was no issue with that.
- Well, it meant a lot to me.
- That's nice.
But inside it still kicks me around a bit.
Okay, well that's You know That's up to you.
- Yeah, that's a big - That's up to you to say, you know, I've been carrying this bag enough.
I'm gonna put it down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I hope that you do consider using your instrument again because it's the most beautiful instrument I've ever seen.
- Jerry.
Thanks, buddy.
- It is, yeah.
The interior is gray vinyl and duct tape.
It's equipped with a 1971 60 horsepower dual port four-cylinder engine.
What's cool about this bus is that it was used as a service truck for a VW Porsche repair shop in Campbell, California.
It has a flat bed, two rows of seats and an extra door on one side.
- Michael? - Jerry.
- Would you like to get a coffee? - Definitely.
Come over.
- I'll be there in a few minutes.
- Okay.
Hi, I'm Jerry Seinfeld and this is Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.
Today my guest is Michael Richards.
He played my next-door neighbor for nine years on TV.
And we're still very close.
Why would you drink coffee? You need a boost? - You looking for a boost? - I need attention and I need a boost.
I want to get your reaction, unvarnished to this vehicle that I've chosen specifically for you.
Oh, gosh, that's - I love it.
- What do you want? - This is you, Michael.
- This is me.
I like this.
I can throw my gear in it.
You don't have to have coffee.
It's just the name - I don't think you drink - I do.
What is it? Coffee, liquor, money.
Is that your life now? - Oh, Jerry.
- Coffee, liquor, money.
- Those are my priorities.
- Coffee, liquor, and a lot of money.
What else can I point out to you? Now, this is the Getty Museum over here on the left.
It was up for sale, Jerry.
They wanted 7.
5 million dollars.
Take a look at the front of it.
It's sliding down the hill.
They put that retaining wall at the bottom because they anticipate more of it to come down.
- My God.
- And the swimming pool's already gone.
Half the pool's already slid down.
- Oh, my God.
- Now look.
Look! There's the swimming pool, Jerry.
Look! Why would you buy 7.
5 and you know inevitably it's all coming down? Just a slight tilt in the axis and it's bubbly time.
You're under the sea.
Remember, I played you and you played me in that episode because we switched apartments? The Kenny Rogers Roasters.
- I'm awful at this.
- The orange sign.
When you opened the door and the orange light hit you and you leaned backwards That was one of the funniest bits.
But that was the intellectual aspect of your comedy that I always appreciated.
That the light is so strong, it's gonna bend my spine.
- Oh, God.
Those were good days.
- Those were good days.
You gave me the role of my lifetime.
You gave me the experience of my lifetime.
Getting to play with you.
You know, being around you, Jerry I'm gonna turn into that crazy character.
- It's gonna happen, gradually happen.
- Go ahead.
- Can you turn on one of these streets? - Yes, which one? - Like El Medio? - Yes.
Up here is where Sugar Ray Leonard lives.
He lives in this house right here.
Let's stop and say hello.
- Are you friends with him? - Yeah, I know him.
He may invite us in.
Sugar! Sugar! Hey, Barry.
What are you doing here? He told me Sugar Ray Leonard lives here.
This is Barry Katz.
The last time I saw him was in my 2002 documentary,Comedian.
All he has to do is just: - Are you on your way here? - Yes.
- Really? - Hey, hi.
- Is Sugar in? - Sugar in? - Does Sugar Ray Leonard live here? - No.
Oh, geez.
Have you got the wrong house? - Whose house is it? - Jay Mohr.
- Who's Jay Mohr? - He's a comedian and an actor.
- It's the next house.
I made a mistake.
- Are you sure? - It's the next house.
- So Jay Mohr lives next to Sugar Ray Leonard? We should say hello.
It'd be rude not to.
- Is that a real dog? Look at that.
- I didn't know he was gay.
Oh, I'm frightened.
I'm sure that was his house.
It's odd that - So, what do you think of it? - Oh, I think the car's great.
It makes me want to take things like this, you know, and just kinda: This is a long drive for a cup of coffee.
Somebody waylaid me at Sugar Ray Leonard's.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm awful sorry.
- Now, tell me the truth - You know what's gonna happen? - Do you really know Sugar Ray? - Do I really know him? - Tell me the truth.
- No.
I don't know him.
- See, I don't remember the past - Well, of course you don't.
There's nothing else to remember.
There goes 125 years of psychology right out the window.
There's nothing to remember.
Just be.
You gotta have some reflection and know that that kind of behavior - in the past, will wind you up in jail.
- Right.
Jail is such a Really a way that a grown-up would punish a child.
You go in there.
And you stay in there.
Robbing a 7-Eleven.
Get in that cell.
- I mean, to drive a car through a crowd - Yes.
with a sandwich in your hand, not looking where you're going You sit in that cell and think about what you've done.
Charles Manson.
That was supposed to be a party.
- You should be ashamed of yourself.
- And they'll be no dinner tonight.
How weird an experience was that for Jay Mohr? Who was at my front door? What were they doing? They were looking for Sugar Ray Leonard's house.
- And they called my dog what? - I don't want to say.
Are we really going in there? Are you serious? All these people? We can't just walk in there going, "Hi, we're not normal people.
" We're not normal people.
You just walk right in and go, "I'm here"? I'm here, you deal with it.
That's why I bring my kit with me.
Now you don't know.
See? You don't know who I am.
Do you? No.
I know you're crazy.
I don't know, Jerry.
Hey, look.
There's me.
- That's the same hair.
- That's the same guy.
- Isn't that amazing? - That's amazing.
That's amazing.
How you doing? I can't believe it's the same exact hairstyle.
- Look at this.
- Look at that.
The same sunglasses.
Wait a minute.
This is unbelievable, isn't it? - Yes.
- I could probably hide out as you.
- And I could hide out as you.
- This is unbelievable.
Life is a hideout.
No one is gonna believe that that just happened.
You should wear a hat and some sunglasses.
Oh, Michael.
Free yourself.
We're just raindrops on a windshield, Michael.
I wanna know who's wiping me off.
Jesus.
Who put that there? I was thinking this morning, I swear to God we would be rehearsing, something dumb would happen, or weird and you would just go, "Well, that was interesting.
" And the wheels would start to turn.
That's how you play chess.
He makes a move and you go, "That's interesting.
Interesting.
" I used to play chess.
When I was in the Army I played.
I was unbeatable.
I was very, very good at it.
With chess, there's ratings.
And chess master is about 2100.
And I was playing a computer on a 2100 level.
- Really? - Yeah.
So I had been playing that machine for weeks and then I happened to be on Hollywood Boulevard standing on the corner and I saw this man, tattered, dirty.
He was a street person.
And he had a chess set there to play.
And I said, "You play chess?" He says, "I do, I do.
" - But it's a homeless guy.
- It's a homeless guy.
I said, "I'll tell you what, I'll play you a game.
" He goes, "I'll play you two games.
I beat you two times, you can't play me no more.
" Puts out his hands, you know, to see who's gonna go first.
Black, white.
I pick.
I'm white.
That means I have the first move.
I already have the advantage.
- Are you sitting on the sidewalk? - I'm on the sidewalk.
- I'm down here like this.
- Right.
So I move my piece out, he moves his piece out very quickly.
I said, "Oh, he stops that move.
" So I move a knight out, he moves out the pawn.
He moves out the bishop, in two minutes he's moving.
He's got me in a defense, boom, checkmate.
I'm like, "Whoa.
" He checkmated me in two minutes.
Nobody has ever checkmated me in two minutes.
Nobody.
Not even the machine can checkmate me in two minutes.
But this time I said, "Okay, let's play.
Let's play chess.
" He makes me pick.
I go first again.
Okay.
I lean in.
He moves out his knight, I move my bishop checkmate! Faster than the first time.
Now he's putting his stuff away and I'm going, "Let's play again.
" He goes, "No, no, no.
I beat you two times, you can't play me no more.
" I'm walking down Following the guy down the street going, "Come on, let's play.
" He's going, "No, no, you leave me alone.
" I'm going, "Come on, let's just play another game, come on.
" He wouldn't play me.
I went home, I called a friend who's a professional chess player.
I said, "Leon, I played a guy on the street who beat me twice.
" He goes, "Yeah, you played a savant.
When I'm in tournament in a city, I look for those guys, to play those guys.
" I say, "You beat them?" He goes, "Never.
" - Really? - Really.
I always thought, "Can you get one of those guys in a tournament?" Imagine.
He says, "You can't hold them in place.
They're crazy, but unbeatable.
" So he could really beat the greatest chess player in the world.
Possi Most likely.
He told me at the beginning.
"I beat you two times, that's it.
We don't play anymore.
You can't play me anymore.
" Why would he set a rule like that? Because he's done it over and over again and he doesn't have a lot of time to be fooling around with somebody he can beat so easily.
That's probably why.
What was it that he was able to do so well that he could win so fast? He saw the moves before they took place.
This is where it gets a bit metaphysical.
Perhaps you have to be ultimately crazy or dislodged from the kind of reality that we're all adjusting to.
There are other kinds of realities, other kinds of zones - to inhabit.
- Right.
Great artists have inhabited zones and then it becomes a new paradigm.
People go, "Wow, we hadn't thought about going there.
" I invented a chess board.
I wanted to play it in the round.
So you're, like, on the north and the south pole and your pieces, so you can play in all directions.
That's when I had to stop playing chess.
I remember when we were putting the show together.
First thing I said when they said, "Well, how about Michael Richards?" I went, "Is he available? Is Michael Richards available?" You had to audition with two other guys for the network.
Two? You brought me back three times.
There was a whole room of different people.
Yeah, but here's like chess.
I knew I was gonna get the part.
I knew it on the first time I met you.
- Really? - I knew it.
I never said a thing.
And I never said it to you.
I knew when I started reading with you, they can't pass that up.
You just feel the hand of the universe going, "You two are gonna be together.
" I could've played Kramer for the rest of my life.
- Yes.
- That character would fit into any situation.
It was a great universality to the soul of that character.
- I went to Bali, get away.
- Right.
Get away for a little while.
I like to just step away from the world.
I go out into the jungle.
I'm way deep into the jungle now.
And I see some naked people and they point at me, they go: He says, "Kramer?" They recognized me from the TV show.
They had a hut with a cable out there somewhere.
They could watch They had a little television.
They watched the show.
In the jungles of Bali.
You know those performers who just love it? It's always a struggle with me.
No.
I don't accept the judging of process.
It doesn't matter that you like to rehearse with your nose up against the flat, saying lines.
- That doesn't matter.
- You used to see me back there, huh? Yes.
We're all trying to get to the same island.
Whether you swim, fly, surf, or skydive in it doesn't matter.
What matters is when the red light comes on.
Okay.
Because sometimes I look back at the show and I think I should have enjoyed myself more.
Michael, I could say that myself.
But that was not our job.
Our job is not for us to enjoy.
Our job is to make sure they enjoy it.
And that's what we did.
You know, that's beautiful.
That's beautiful.
Because I think I work selfishly.
And not selflessly.
It's not about me.
It's about them.
- Yes.
- I Now, that's a lesson I learned seven years ago, when I blew it in the comedy club.
Lost my temper because somebody interrupted my act and said some things that hurt me and I lashed out in anger.
I should have been working selflessly that evening.
Most of the time, when I'm in that zone, I am selfless.
Right.
You told me that you had done a couple sets.
- No, I never - Do you want to? Sometimes, I say, "Oh, I must.
I should.
" And normally, I would have gone in and played around with this material.
But no.
I I busted up after that event seven years ago.
It broke me down.
It was a selfish response.
I took it too personally.
I should have just said: "You're absolutely right.
I'm not funny.
I think I'll go home and work on my material.
I'll see you tomorrow night.
" And split.
Or something.
Anything.
But, you know, it's just one of those nights.
And thanks for sticking by me.
- No really, you - There was no issue with that.
- Well, it meant a lot to me.
- That's nice.
But inside it still kicks me around a bit.
Okay, well that's You know That's up to you.
- Yeah, that's a big - That's up to you to say, you know, I've been carrying this bag enough.
I'm gonna put it down.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I hope that you do consider using your instrument again because it's the most beautiful instrument I've ever seen.
- Jerry.
Thanks, buddy.
- It is, yeah.