Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e10 Episode Script

# Daring duck of mystery # Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows # Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes # But his number's up Three.
two.
one # Darkwing Duck # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck Let's get dangerous.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck! # Cloud of smoke and he appears # A master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind # That shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure # But bad guys are out of luck.
'cause here comes - # Darkwing Duck! - Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out.
you bad boys # Darkwing Duck! Director Hooter, I am afraid our operative in Oilrabia has met with some difficulty.
Difficulty? In what way, Agent Grizzlikov? Uh, he's dead.
What? That's two dozen in two weeks! Do you know what kind of a rat problem that creates? (sighs) - How did he die? - He was drowned.
Any possibility it was an accident? In the middle of the desert? I suppose that does suggest foul play.
F.
O.
W.
L.
The Fiendish Organization for World Larceny.
Our S.
H.
U.
S.
H.
agents can handle almost anything, but this assignment seems beyond our resources.
- I'm going to call - Please, Director, do not call Darkwing Duck! I was hoping maybe his name would not come up.
I only hope he gets this message.
Hmm I am hating it when that happens.
Come on, Launchpad, don't blow it, buddy.
Mess this up and you're doomed.
Everything depends on your next move.
(Darkwing) I am the terror who flaps in the night! Oh, now I'll never know who won.
Hey, DW, where are ya hiding? I am the spider who nips at your neck! Ew! I am Darkwing Duck! Whoa! Nice trick, DW.
Yes, one more fiendishly clever device, calculated to pound fear into superstitious and cowardly criminal minds.
- Pretty cool, huh? - I'll say! Can I try? - Is this how you control it? - No! He-he.
Guess I wasn't supposed to touch that.
No, you weren't.
Gee, I'm sorry, DW.
But I never get a chance to use your Darkwing doohickeys.
Look, Launchpad, my gadgets are strictly F.
H.
O.
- For Heroes Only.
Not for their sidekicks.
Hey, hey.
No problemo.
I can be a hero.
You? A hero! Hah! Don't be ridiculous.
A hero does the undoable, risks the un-riskable and thinks the unthinkable.
Hah! Big deal.
I can go for weeks without thinking.
Believe me, I know.
(doorbell) Aha! A communiqué from S.
H.
U.
S.
H.
Central.
J.
Gander must need me.
Must need a hero's expertise.
OK, let me see (mumbles) (gasps) S.
H.
U.
S.
H.
suspects F.
O.
W.
L.
is after Oilrabia's plush oil reserves! And once again, Darkwing Duck is summoned to fight the nefarious forces of evil.
We leave immediately! Get the bags.
Uh, Launchpad? The bags? Is there anything wrong? Well, if I'm not good enough to be a hero, then you can go alone.
Uh-oh.
No, don't be silly.
I need you to fly the Thunderquack.
- Huh, you're the hero, you fly it.
- But you know I never learned to fly.
To bad, 'cause I'm not flying unless I get a crack at the heroic stuff.
(grunts) All right.
Just this once, you can be the hero.
Then let's go, sidekick.
We gotta case to face.
Uh, the bags.
Darkwing Duck, a mere sidekick.
We'll see how heroic flyboy is when real trouble starts.
That's Oilrabia, all right.
That plateau makes it virtually impervious to enemy attack.
And salesmen, too, I'll bet.
Set her down easy, Launchpad.
(Launchpad) As always.
(crash) (mumbles) - Whoa! - Make that a Darkwing ditto! Hold it there, big fella.
I better handle this! Uh-uh.
No can do, DW.
Everyone knows the hero always gets the girl, and I'm there hero, remember? A promise is a promise, and you promised.
Nuts! I gotta take flying lessons.
(ticking) Wait a minute, I don't own a watch! Must be a clock around here somewhere.
(gasps) A megablaster fission bomb! With Swiss-movement timing and optional radials.
Steady, Darkwing.
One wrong move and we'll be texture-coating the walls.
Let's see, the red wire is the triggering Step aside, sidekick, and let a hero do his job.
(squeals) There! Gee, that wasn't hard at all! But-but, you didn't even follow directions! (Arabic accent) Oh, finally! S.
H.
U.
S.
H.
has 10,000 agents capable of helping my country.
You are a true hero.
Hey, it was nothing, really.
I'll say it was nothing.
Nothing but dumb luck! Don't mind me, just looking for the nonsmoking section.
The attacks on our oil fields grow more audacious, and oil is all that my people have.
Don't worry, Princess.
We'll leave after lunch.
This feast should be in my honor, but no! I had to find a sidekick with ambitions.
Oh, please! (clears throat) Dear Princess, put all your fears aside.
I shall personally lead the expedition to determine the threats to your kingdom.
You? But are you not just the sidekick? An unfortunate and very temporary misunderstanding.
But Launchpad has promised me that he will lead the expedition.
He is a hero, you know.
He is not! He is not! Not! Not! Not! Not! I'm the brains of this team! I am Darkwing Duck.
(giggles) What a whimsical fellow.
He certainly must keep your adventures amusing.
Oh, yeah! DW's a barrel of laughs.
Oh, boy! The princess sure knows how to travel in style.
Hey! How's it going back there, sidekick? Just ducky, hero.
We found the body of the last S.
H.
U.
S.
H.
agent just up ahead.
(Steelbeak) Oh, man! How many agents do we have to exterminate before them dweebs at S.
H.
U.
S.
H.
get the message? Wa-ait! Can it be? Ha-ha! That looks like my favorite playmate, the old Darkwing Doofus himself.
Well! I'm gonna have to send them a little gift from Steelbeak's welcome wagon.
A sand storm! But where did it come from? Great danger! We must take cover! Launchpad! (humming) Launchpad, come back here! Whoa! Whoa! Good brakes! OK, OK.
You can ride with me.
(gasps) I'm coming, DW! I'm coming! Gotcha! Whoa! There was nothing we could do, Princess.
Launchpad, the great and mighty, has been lost in the storm.
He was trying to save his funny little friend.
Do not worry, Launchpad will not fail our people.
True heroes can overcome any adversity, and Launchpad is a true hero.
- Well, hero, what do we do now? - What I always do when I'm lost.
Find the nearest gas station.
There ought to be one around here somewhere.
The pitiless sun pounds our parched, panting protagonist.
But still, Darkwing Duck presses forward.
Hoping to put off the inescapable Ah! Great chance to catch some rays.
Eh, DW? Have you lost your mind? What are you so angry about? I'm using a sunscreen.
Don't you understand? We're going to die, shriveling in the merciless glare of the sun until there's nothing left but a pair of pitiful piles of duck jerky.
Not to worry, DW.
We're saved! They've sent in the Navy! Oh, sure.
Like, they'll just sail up in the middle of the desert? The question is - what are they doing here? F.
O.
W.
L.
eggmen.
They're building a whole fleet! From the looks of things, I surmise Wait a second.
Doesn't the hero get to do the surmising? OK, OK, OK.
So what do you surmise? Beats me.
What about you? I surmise we should take a closer look.
Sounds good.
Glad I consulted you.
We must be like the cat, treading soundlessly with complete control.
(explosion) - You think anyone heard that? - I'd say it was a strong maybe.
It's no use, Launchpad, you jump while I hold them off.
No way.
I'm the hero, you jump and I'll hold them off.
Quick sand! (grunting) Uh-oh.
Something tells me this is where the plot thickens.
So I says to myself, "Hey, what kind of an adventure is it if we don't invite the comedy relief?" How ya doin', ducks? Hey, Steelbeak, good to see ya.
It means you're not behind my back.
Ooh! Still racking up the popularity points, eh, Darkwing? Oh, you're the guy who's building the ships in the desert.
Oh, he's good! - He deserves a promotion.
- I got one already! - I'm the hero this time.
- Launchpad, not now.
Well, I am.
Don't listen to him.
Touch of sunstroke.
Oh, yeah.
I know how good help is hard to find.
So, before we get to the usual torture thing that I know you're so fond of, let me explain why I'm stuck in this armpit of a desert.
You're obviously after Oilrabia's oil reserves.
You are sharp! Hey, I like that, but you step on my lines.
However, you're right.
Gas makes the world go 'round.
And from now on, you want gas, you pull up to your friendly F.
O.
W.
L.
station.
Service with a smile.
Steelbeak, You're pumping unleaded, but coming up empty.
Hah! You're troops wouldn't make it across the desert, much less climb the cliffs of Oilrabia.
That's why I'm gonna attack by sea.
(giggling) Oh, you're right.
I can't stand it! In the middle of the desert, right? I guess you're gonna have to wait for rain? (laughing) Oh, no! I'm gonna bring my own.
I am gonna turn the desert into an ocean.
Yeah, right! Whoa, this guy's gotta be bad news at a picnic.
Aw, come on, DW.
Would you just give me a chance? Aha! I have it.
I'll use my mental powers taught to me by Tibetan yogis who befriended me as a boy.
When the guard returns I'll mesmerize him, making him my slave.
Then again, I could use lightning.
Time to trust the basics.
But shouldn't the hero lead the attack? Launchpad, you may be the hero on this mission, but there is only one Darkwing Duck! I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the little mouse that eats your cheese.
I am Darkwing Duck.
(laughing) Gang way! Going somewhere? Stand back, Beaky, or I'll sizzlize you with a lightning bolt.
How do you make this thing work? (mutters) - It worked! - You idiot! You're gonna jam it! Get to the ships! The cave's gonna flood! Flash flood! (mumbling) I'm gonna get those guys! (sighs) Oh, no! Darkwing Duck is gonna pay big-time for this! I'm gonna Eggmen! Yes, sir! Ah, thanks, pal.
You're a lifesaver.
- Set course for Oilrabia! - Yeah.
I an still take Oilrabia.
Between the firepower of my battle cruiser and this baby, the city will be throwing out the red carpet, tout de suite.
And to top it off, Darkwing Dodo is somewhere out there having dinner with Davy Jones.
(chuckling) - Hey, yo, surf's up, DW, dude! - Launchpad, you saved my life! Hey, heroes are always saving lives.
It's what we do! But you might want to save that thank-you part.
There's no place to land! Whoa! One should always bring a present when arriving unannounced.
And I got a doozie for the princess.
Come on, we must save the princess.
Help! (coughs) We're coming, Princess! Help! Hang on! You are both my heroes.
Even you, my funny one.
We've got to find a better way to stop.
Yo, Princess! Hand over your oil, or your people are history.
Not that I want to be pushy, but you got ten minutes.
Whatever should I do? I need the advice of heroes.
If it's oil Steelbeak wants, then it's oil he'll get! What? My people's oil? Are you crazy? Maybe manic-depressive on weekends, but I'm sane enough to know a couple of heroes like us can overcome the likes of F.
O.
W.
L.
- Launchpad, let's get dangerous! - Did you hear that? He called me a hero! Hey, you can't be a slave to a schedule, it causes stress.
All right, Princess, time to What's going on?! Hey! - What is happening? - You wanted oil? Let her rip, Princess.
Hey, I'm the weather wizard around here! I'll give that town a shock that'll fry 'em like a sausage! Oh! Hey! Whoa! Uh-oh.
Gee, and me without marshmallows.
I really hate that guy.
I really, really hate him.
Gee, Princess, I'm not very good at goodbyes.
Hellos either, for that matter.
My people thank you, as do I.
With heroes such as you, the world is a safer place.
Goodbye, my champion.
Well, you know, DW here is the real her (coughs) Is the luckiest sidekick in the world! Bye, Princess, me and the boss have to be going.
Launchpad, I underestimated you.
As far as I'm concerned, we're colleagues.
- Brothers in arms.
- You mean it? I sure do.
From now on, we're 100% equals.
- Now get the bags.
- You got it, Boss! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck! # Darkwing Duck!