Deadly Class (2018) s01e10 Episode Script
Sink with California
1 Previously on "Deadly Class" Maybe I finally found a reason to live in a place surrounded by death.
You don't have to be alone.
There is a cute new boy in school who we both kissed but we're not supposed to discuss him? After everything my family has done for you! You'd be dead if it weren't for me! Your family didn't save me.
They used me! Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble.
I want the name you stole from me, dickhead! People are killed every day.
But if I'm gonna get famous, I've got to do this with pizzazz.
And yes, Mr.
Donahue, the exclusive is yours.
[MOCK SPANISH ACCENT.]
"If you don't find me in three days, this psycho's gonna send me home with a note about who did it.
" You must have heard by now that Yukio was found with his throat cut.
- He deserved much worse.
- I, too, lost a child.
Any parent who has lost a child could see through your false grieving.
I'll have to take your daughter to protect her.
I go through his stuff when he's not in the room.
You reek, Mr.
Shabnam! It's a jailbreak! [SCREAMS.]
If we don't stop Chester and get Chico's head, the cartel The cartel will kill her and the serial killer will kill you.
Everyone will die.
We get it.
Y'all must be out your damn minds.
There are many causes I'd die for.
There ain't a single cause I'd kill for.
I don't want to be alone tonight.
- Stay with me? - Of course.
- You idiot! - You violated your curfew.
Tonight you will go to this address.
Guard it with your life.
- Saya? - You're late for family dinner.
If you love someone enough to die for them Run! Then you surely will.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[THE MISFITS' "LONDON DUNGEON".]
Thank you.
[GUNSHOTS.]
Thank you.
[GROANS.]
Unholy living dead - [YELLS.]
- They had to lock us up Put us in their British hell [GUNSHOTS.]
Make sure your face is clean now Can't have no dirty dead All the corpses here are clean, boy All the Yanks in British hell I don't want to be here in your London dungeon I don't want to be here in your British hell Ain't no mystery why I'm in misery [MACHINE GUN FIRING.]
Lin watches his daughter die.
Seeing anyone? Nothing.
Last night when when we I can't get into this right now.
[SNIFFS.]
Oh, holy balls, Arguello.
You smell like a turd fucked an oyster.
We've got bigger problems than Pepe Le Pew.
Chico's head is somewhere in that house, but there's no motion inside.
- Maybe no one's home.
- Maybe they're expecting us.
How the bloody hell is this hillbilly riot squad gonna know we're coming? They know a lot of shit they shouldn't know.
Well, if they know a lot about shit, maybe they can uncover the mystery behind Marcus's foul stench.
[MOCK SOUTHERN ACCENT.]
What ya got yourselves here is an old-fashioned pants shitter.
Likely on account he done filled his belly with a load of hooch and misdeeds.
Look, you want to be in charge, control freak? That's fine, happy to do it your way.
But are you sure we can count on her? Of course we can.
I got optics on the backyard.
Saya was right.
There are traps.
There's no movement, no way of knowing if they're in there or not.
So what now? I was just getting a bad feeling and wondering, well, is this something we really should be doing? And I was hating myself for thinking that Lex is right, - and maybe we should just - Call the cops? It does seem like the less, you know, suicidal option.
Coming from the Queen of the Damned? - Words to heed.
- I didn't ask you to come.
What's that? Why, yes, Maria.
We're putting ourselves in great danger to help you unscrew your pooch.
How nice of you to notice.
Starting to see why Willie bailed on you.
We're worried.
That's fair, right? This is gnarly.
We could die in there.
Billy's right.
I was so focused on convincing you guys to help, I never considered that.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
I-I guess I thought This is what we were trained to do To take down a rabid animal, a bully, like the piece of shit inside the house.
Look, I can't promise that no one's gonna die, but we're making the world safer, protecting a friend.
"I can't promise no one's gonna die.
" Thank you for the de-motivational speech, Coach.
- Jesus Christ.
- What? I'm just I'm just trying to The rally speech before the march into impending doom.
It's not something people do in the real world, mate.
A bit narcissistic.
Like we need your great sermon to motivate us.
Look, we're all risking a lot to be here.
This, whatever this is, this is our family, and Marcus and Maria need us.
We're with you.
One for all and all for That's great.
That's great.
You got Billy doing it too now.
Where does it end? When this all goes pear-shaped, you'll come to my rescue? Nothing's going pear-shaped.
I've taken down way worse shitheads than these guys.
We have two objectives: we take down the serial killers, and we find Chico's head before We've heard the plan a million times.
You take us for idiots? One more for good measure.
Mailman Lex walks up to the front door, whistles a happy tune Calm, cheerful.
Just a happy mailman with a special package with a not-so-happy delivery.
- [WHISTLING.]
Petra and Billy go around back.
Watch your step.
The backyard is a minefield, literally.
You're the backup team.
Wait until Marcus gives the word, detonate the bomb, and flank any hillbillies causing trouble.
This is bound to get noisy, so a distraction is mandatory.
Like we learned in class, for a job like this, don't try and hide.
Misdirect.
Backdoor Betty all hot and ready.
Boom, neighbors assume the white-trash residents are firing off fireworks, and we get a noise distraction to drown out Lex.
[EXPLOSION.]
I'll be topside, waiting for the cue to enter the second floor.
This is the point where there's no room for mistakes.
If they're in there, they'll know we're coming.
Door's rubbish.
Precision blast.
Not an ounce more than necessary.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [FIREWORKS POPPING.]
You want to take a break and have a hug or what? Gratitude doesn't cost anything.
[GRUNTS.]
- [GLASS SHATTERS.]
- [METAL CLANGS.]
- [YELLS.]
- [CAT YOWLS.]
Just a little pussy.
Must have sensed its brethren nearby.
[CHICKENS CLUCKING.]
[GOAT BLEATS.]
You were serious about [GROANS.]
[THUNDER RUMBLING.]
There's a weird, dreamlike quality to doing something this heavy.
Like it's not really happening.
The redneck serial killers inside Very real.
I thought you weren't afraid of death.
I guess it's easier as a distant theoretical.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[GLASS SHATTERS.]
[CHICKEN CLUCKING.]
[LAUGHS.]
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
You ain't gonna make it, sassy pants! - What do you want? - What do you want? - I just want to go home.
- Oh, pear-shaped, tits up.
We are snookered.
No, no, please.
Please, I'll do anything.
[CHICKENS SQUAWKING.]
Where the bloody hell are they? [UNSETTLING MUSIC.]
Butthole.
Why am I gonna die in this barmy place? A bit of praise and a speech on the merits of friendship? Sure, why not? What do I have to - [CHAIN SNAPS.]
- What the - Lex! - [YELLING.]
Shit! - This one's good for killing! - Marcus! Ronald McDonald, lord of the seven kingdoms! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
Jaw breaks! [SCREAMS.]
- Lex! - Get your throat slit! [BOTH GRUNT.]
- Everybody loves - [ALL GRUNTING.]
You're all I got, take care of me [PLUCKY COUNTRY MUSIC.]
[YELLING INDISTINCTLY.]
Whiskey river, take my mind Don't let her memory torture me [GAGGING.]
Don't you get none of your queer blood on me! [SCREAMS.]
Coming through! [SCREAMING.]
[ALL YELLING.]
Oh, my God! [BOTH SCREAMING.]
- Pull down the fridge! - Move the bloody thing! Lex, shoot him! [GUNFIRE.]
Tits fucking up! [MACHINE GUN FIRING.]
Whoo! Whoo-hoo, you puddles gone and marched into the festering brown butthole of the devil himself! [GUNSHOTS.]
Too strong for my size.
Know why? [GRUNTING.]
Whoo! PCP, PCP, PCP! Screams from downstairs.
Your friends are dying! Mr.
Rogers' raisins.
Ronald McDonald's red sack.
It's all connected.
Feel the lord of the golden arches as he marches up your ass! [CACKLES.]
You fucked him, didn't you? [HEAVY BREATHING.]
[GASPING.]
[WHIMPERING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Please don't cry.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
All will be well.
All will be well.
I sent somebody.
They were supposed to protect you.
They were supposed to protect you.
I'm so sorry.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
Listen to me.
Listen to me.
You must clear your mind of that.
- Do you trust me? - Yes.
Okay.
Madame Gao, are you all right? What do you have for me? I know where they went.
[MACHINE GUN FIRING.]
Billy, we should blow the door.
Told them that we'd wait for the signal.
[SIGHS.]
This is crazy stupid.
Why did you come? 'Cause you're the only people I like in the whole world.
I mean, if you're gonna die, I figure I might as well be with you when you do.
If I'm gonna die, Could could you Could we Tits up! [EXPLOSION.]
Fire in the hole! All right, you trailer park paint-huffers.
Get ready to meet Skynyrd! Go! It sounds like goddamn Beirut in there! [METAL CLANGS.]
The door's thicker than we thought.
Here, come with me! We'll go up through the second floor.
Well, we we should go through the front.
- I told Lex it was - Lex was wrong.
Front door is death.
Trust me, this is the best backup plan.
Screw it.
Oh! Y'all expecting company? - [GUNSHOT.]
- [LAUGHTER.]
You must think I'm some kind of ding-a-ling.
That door is fortified with two feet of reinforced steel, welded by the giant dick of Jesus Christ.
Whoo! Cousin Jim, go earn your mescaline.
Rustle them out.
Don't hurt Marcus.
We got plans.
Yeah, yeah, we do, yeah.
Okay, go, go, go.
Oh, sweaty balls on the devil's leg! Hot and sticky, vinegar, piss! You fluff boys about to learn the stinky dick lesson - of old Cousin Jim! - Whoo, whoo! Oh, fiddlesticks.
[EXPLOSION.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
You piece of shit, you were gonna let her kill me! [LAUGHS.]
Sue Ann likes to screw and dance and skitter and howl and [PANTING.]
I am risking the future of my family to be here to help you.
And what does it say about you that you risk so much just to show me how much I need your help, to show that you could have anything that's mine? They were right about you.
You are crazy.
[INTENSE MUSIC.]
[YELLS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING AND YELLING.]
You want to tell yourself you slept with Marcus to pay me back, but the truth is much scarier.
You should be grateful I gave you a new reason to play the victim! And you get to play the assassin.
Cynical and safe and alone! [PANTING.]
[YELLS.]
You would have killed Chico anyways.
If that makes you feel better about what you did! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
[GLASS SHATTERS.]
I'm through with your self-pity! Mud people in my house! Gran Gran does her own cleaning, señorita! I ain't cooking morning biscuits You don't belong here.
- [WHIMPERING.]
- Come on.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Come on.
Come on.
[WHIMPERING.]
[SHUSHING.]
Shh.
I won't waste your time trying to lure you.
Remember when you first learned how to swim? It was scary, huh? You were the smallest in your class.
But you showed those kids, because you could hold your breath for the longest time.
Goddamn junkies.
It's okay.
Show Daddy how long you can hold your breath.
Your daughter is the price for your deception.
Hold her close.
Say your good-byes.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
Adiós.
- [GUNSHOT.]
- [YELLS.]
[OZZY OSBOURNE'S "MR.
CROWLEY".]
I am getting the hell out of here.
Get off me.
Well, come on, sweet tits.
Party's moving downstairs.
That is clearly a trap, love.
Get the others and get out of here.
[GUNFIRE.]
Chester invited the other one, the sweet tits.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[YELLS, BREATHES HEAVILY.]
[GRUNTS.]
You killed my Gran Gran! - Mr.
Crowley - [BOTH GRUNTING.]
What went wrong in your head Oh, Mr.
Crowley Did you talk to the dead Your lifestyle to me seemed so tragic With the thrill of it all You fooled all the people with magic Where is she? You waited on Satan's call Here.
Mr.
Charming Did you think you were pure Mr.
Alarming Daddy! Good job.
Your mommy would be proud.
Uncovering things that were sacred [OVER RADIO.]
Manifest on this Earth Conceived in the eye of a secret And they scattered the afterbirth [DOGS BARKING AND SNARLING.]
[SOFTLY.]
He fucks the dogs.
[DOGS BARKING.]
[LOUDLY.]
He fucks the dogs.
The dogs, he They don't love him.
Won't you ride my white horse Mr.
Crowley It's symbolic, of course Who's who's that? Love him, my bull god! Love him with your murder stick! - [GUNSHOT.]
- A baseball bat? You watched "The Warriors" too many times, bud.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
- Ha! - [GRUNTS.]
Get off of her, you white-trash piece of shit.
You're slandering my godly people.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
There is a price for treading too close to the real America.
[AIR WHISTLES.]
[AIR WHISTLES.]
[GRUNTS.]
You decry my soft nobility.
But I am a messiah, godless heathen! He's too big.
The Yellow Mellow's only making him [YELPS.]
I am the salt of this Earth, and you city savages, you will see! [ROARS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Billy, get down! [SCREAMING.]
You chose me.
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
Oh, for Christ sakes.
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- Bollocks! - You're out of ammo, you piece of shit! [GRUNTING.]
Hush, little lady, don't say a word Old Gil's gonna find his knife submerged [GROANS PAINFULLY.]
Old Gil's gonna see his knife submerged [YELPING.]
[CHOKING.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[PANTING.]
I thought I thought I was gonna die.
Th-thank you.
[SNIFFLES.]
Come on.
Let's go to the rendezvous.
Guys, we have to go.
Come on! [GRUNTS.]
[EXHALES.]
We have to find Marcus.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
Help him.
No.
You people, you're all ticks, draining me Pulling me down with you.
I'm done.
[BREATHING SHAKILY.]
[GRUNTS.]
[DEVICE BEEPING.]
Live from some fat kid's basement in the charming Sunset District of San Francisco, Fairy Town, USA, it's "The Chester Fuckface Variety Talking Hour.
" [APPLAUSE.]
Our guest tonight, the dude who tried to kill our host, Marcus Lopez Arguello.
[APPLAUSE.]
And now the man with the power to kill us all, Chester Fuckface! Thank you, thank you! Welcome to the show.
[UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING.]
Well, let's hear it for our ginger orangutan whose scrotum looks like a yam, Dwight Shandy.
[BOTH APPLAUD.]
Now, today we gonna explore what makes a monster.
What's at the core of all this ugliness and violence? Why do we feed off it? See, people used to go to public executions, eat popcorn and butter breads.
And today we fake those same thrills with horror flicks.
We immortalize mass killers and we ignore saints.
Why? Well, I think we're at risk of becoming a society Aaah! Weren't your speaking turn! [UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING.]
Anyway.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
People love monsters.
And society breeds them 'cause it needs them, I figure.
And since I been bred by this world to be this Thing Shouldn't I enjoy a little fame? So today, here on national television, you're going to admit that you are not the Orphanage Killer.
It was me, Fuckface, famous celebrity serial killer, done that good work.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
[CRYING.]
And you made me do it all.
[SOBS.]
Made me do it with your abuse of me.
Blowing me up triggered something bad, let loose my murder goose.
Sorry, this is gonna hurt no matter what.
Go on.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
All right, yeah yeah.
Chester killed all those people.
Because? B-because He's desperate for some semblance of significance in the world, to make a mark, even if it is just a smear shit stain.
Because he can't make anything, so he destroys.
Because he's the type of guy who'd screw a goat on national television if it got people to pay attention.
He doesn't need a camera to do that.
Hypocrite! When society came to reward you for my good work, what'd you do? You took that credit, gobbled that fame up! How many videos are gonna circulate of this interview when I put a hole in that ponderous fucking brain? Wait, wait, wait.
I'm sorry.
Let me let me make my point for the viewers.
Okay? This whole thing you've done, all these people you've hurt [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
All for the adulation of strangers? You figure? Maybe you think if enough people love you, it'll fill the void.
That's what you think this is? Well, my daddy done me dirty, so I went looking to make my damage public, exploit it for a paycheck and a hug.
You liberal types love to tell folks how to think and feel and speak.
Oh, you know what's wrong with everybody else.
If only we'd follow your highfalutin rules, the whole world would be a golden globe of sunshine and butterfly kisses! All I'm saying [SIGHS.]
Sadness is rage turned inwards.
And I look at you, and all I see is sadness.
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
You don't want fame.
You want to be loved.
And the solution isn't on the other side of that camera.
Fame won't fix what happened to you.
- You can't fix what's broken.
- Oh, you think I'm broken? We're all broken.
Spewing our damage, looking for meaning, for justice.
What the hell do you know about it? [SOFT MUSIC.]
I wanted to kill Ronald Reagan.
Now, why would you want to hurt the goodest president we ever done made? It doesn't matter.
I was wrong, okay? Inflicting your pain onto other people doesn't help fix you.
[SIGHS.]
When you're feeling weak or sad or angry, friends and family are the only thing that make you feel strong.
[SNORTS.]
[SPITS.]
My family are a bunch of dumb hill people.
I was happier 'fore they were around.
Family isn't defined by blood.
I was happier when I was with you.
You were my first friend.
Till you blew me up.
[SNIFFLES.]
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
I'm sorry, Chester.
We both did shitty things to each other.
What if we put it behind us? I've found what you're looking for.
The school I go to, dude, they would love you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Come with me.
We'll figure this whole thing out together, as friends.
I would love to go to your fucking school.
I would love to be your friend.
[GUNSHOT.]
[YELLS.]
[DOGS BARKING.]
Pretty words.
You had me going.
Fooling me! Fooling my feelings! You're the kind of garbage that makes folks lose faith in humanity! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
All the pretty words on Earth won't never stop people from loving seeing a victim getting bloody revenge! Peppermint, no! [SCREAMING.]
He's done hounding you, kid.
- [WHIMPERING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy, open your eyes! Wake up! - Daddy? - [GROANS.]
[EXHALES.]
[TENSE MUSIC.]
You failed.
[SOBS.]
[CRYING.]
Shh.
[GRUNTS.]
[SHRIEKING.]
Daddy! I will take her to the temple and the great exam.
- Daddy! - Please, Gao, no.
Please, please, Gao.
She's not ready.
[CRIES.]
Nor was I.
[THE SMITHS' "ASLEEP".]
[SOBS.]
Daddy! Sing me to sleep Sing me to sleep I'm tired and I I want to go to bed Sing me to sleep Sing me to sleep And then leave me alone Don't try to wake me in the morning 'Cause I will be gone Don't feel bad for me I want you to know Deep in the cell of my heart I will feel so glad to go All I ever did was love you.
I never asked for that.
You don't have to worry about it anymore.
Sing me to sleep Saya's cynicism she's right.
I shouldn't have let myself care.
You were alone too.
I thought you'd see.
I was.
I did.
Lies I was desperate to believe.
But I always knew better.
Always knew I can't count on anyone but myself.
That's the last thing I wanted.
I'm so sorry.
What I did was It was messed up.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
It all just started to feel like an an obligation.
There is another world An obligation? There is a better world Well, there must be - I didn't mean you were an obligation.
- Yes, you did.
And you're right, I'm broken.
I've been tied up my entire life.
That's all I know, so I made you my new rope.
But I'm done with that.
You're free.
We both are.
Saya and I, we never planned it.
I-I messed up, but it did make me see, I I do love you, Maria.
[THUNDER RUMBLING.]
After all we've been through, can you just do me one small courtesy? Stop lying.
Maria.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
I was hoping to ask you if you had found my son.
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
- I see that you have.
- What's taking so long? We've got to get out of here before this whole thing goes tits up.
[GUNSHOT.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
You don't have to be alone.
There is a cute new boy in school who we both kissed but we're not supposed to discuss him? After everything my family has done for you! You'd be dead if it weren't for me! Your family didn't save me.
They used me! Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble.
I want the name you stole from me, dickhead! People are killed every day.
But if I'm gonna get famous, I've got to do this with pizzazz.
And yes, Mr.
Donahue, the exclusive is yours.
[MOCK SPANISH ACCENT.]
"If you don't find me in three days, this psycho's gonna send me home with a note about who did it.
" You must have heard by now that Yukio was found with his throat cut.
- He deserved much worse.
- I, too, lost a child.
Any parent who has lost a child could see through your false grieving.
I'll have to take your daughter to protect her.
I go through his stuff when he's not in the room.
You reek, Mr.
Shabnam! It's a jailbreak! [SCREAMS.]
If we don't stop Chester and get Chico's head, the cartel The cartel will kill her and the serial killer will kill you.
Everyone will die.
We get it.
Y'all must be out your damn minds.
There are many causes I'd die for.
There ain't a single cause I'd kill for.
I don't want to be alone tonight.
- Stay with me? - Of course.
- You idiot! - You violated your curfew.
Tonight you will go to this address.
Guard it with your life.
- Saya? - You're late for family dinner.
If you love someone enough to die for them Run! Then you surely will.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[THE MISFITS' "LONDON DUNGEON".]
Thank you.
[GUNSHOTS.]
Thank you.
[GROANS.]
Unholy living dead - [YELLS.]
- They had to lock us up Put us in their British hell [GUNSHOTS.]
Make sure your face is clean now Can't have no dirty dead All the corpses here are clean, boy All the Yanks in British hell I don't want to be here in your London dungeon I don't want to be here in your British hell Ain't no mystery why I'm in misery [MACHINE GUN FIRING.]
Lin watches his daughter die.
Seeing anyone? Nothing.
Last night when when we I can't get into this right now.
[SNIFFS.]
Oh, holy balls, Arguello.
You smell like a turd fucked an oyster.
We've got bigger problems than Pepe Le Pew.
Chico's head is somewhere in that house, but there's no motion inside.
- Maybe no one's home.
- Maybe they're expecting us.
How the bloody hell is this hillbilly riot squad gonna know we're coming? They know a lot of shit they shouldn't know.
Well, if they know a lot about shit, maybe they can uncover the mystery behind Marcus's foul stench.
[MOCK SOUTHERN ACCENT.]
What ya got yourselves here is an old-fashioned pants shitter.
Likely on account he done filled his belly with a load of hooch and misdeeds.
Look, you want to be in charge, control freak? That's fine, happy to do it your way.
But are you sure we can count on her? Of course we can.
I got optics on the backyard.
Saya was right.
There are traps.
There's no movement, no way of knowing if they're in there or not.
So what now? I was just getting a bad feeling and wondering, well, is this something we really should be doing? And I was hating myself for thinking that Lex is right, - and maybe we should just - Call the cops? It does seem like the less, you know, suicidal option.
Coming from the Queen of the Damned? - Words to heed.
- I didn't ask you to come.
What's that? Why, yes, Maria.
We're putting ourselves in great danger to help you unscrew your pooch.
How nice of you to notice.
Starting to see why Willie bailed on you.
We're worried.
That's fair, right? This is gnarly.
We could die in there.
Billy's right.
I was so focused on convincing you guys to help, I never considered that.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
I-I guess I thought This is what we were trained to do To take down a rabid animal, a bully, like the piece of shit inside the house.
Look, I can't promise that no one's gonna die, but we're making the world safer, protecting a friend.
"I can't promise no one's gonna die.
" Thank you for the de-motivational speech, Coach.
- Jesus Christ.
- What? I'm just I'm just trying to The rally speech before the march into impending doom.
It's not something people do in the real world, mate.
A bit narcissistic.
Like we need your great sermon to motivate us.
Look, we're all risking a lot to be here.
This, whatever this is, this is our family, and Marcus and Maria need us.
We're with you.
One for all and all for That's great.
That's great.
You got Billy doing it too now.
Where does it end? When this all goes pear-shaped, you'll come to my rescue? Nothing's going pear-shaped.
I've taken down way worse shitheads than these guys.
We have two objectives: we take down the serial killers, and we find Chico's head before We've heard the plan a million times.
You take us for idiots? One more for good measure.
Mailman Lex walks up to the front door, whistles a happy tune Calm, cheerful.
Just a happy mailman with a special package with a not-so-happy delivery.
- [WHISTLING.]
Petra and Billy go around back.
Watch your step.
The backyard is a minefield, literally.
You're the backup team.
Wait until Marcus gives the word, detonate the bomb, and flank any hillbillies causing trouble.
This is bound to get noisy, so a distraction is mandatory.
Like we learned in class, for a job like this, don't try and hide.
Misdirect.
Backdoor Betty all hot and ready.
Boom, neighbors assume the white-trash residents are firing off fireworks, and we get a noise distraction to drown out Lex.
[EXPLOSION.]
I'll be topside, waiting for the cue to enter the second floor.
This is the point where there's no room for mistakes.
If they're in there, they'll know we're coming.
Door's rubbish.
Precision blast.
Not an ounce more than necessary.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [FIREWORKS POPPING.]
You want to take a break and have a hug or what? Gratitude doesn't cost anything.
[GRUNTS.]
- [GLASS SHATTERS.]
- [METAL CLANGS.]
- [YELLS.]
- [CAT YOWLS.]
Just a little pussy.
Must have sensed its brethren nearby.
[CHICKENS CLUCKING.]
[GOAT BLEATS.]
You were serious about [GROANS.]
[THUNDER RUMBLING.]
There's a weird, dreamlike quality to doing something this heavy.
Like it's not really happening.
The redneck serial killers inside Very real.
I thought you weren't afraid of death.
I guess it's easier as a distant theoretical.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[GLASS SHATTERS.]
[CHICKEN CLUCKING.]
[LAUGHS.]
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
You ain't gonna make it, sassy pants! - What do you want? - What do you want? - I just want to go home.
- Oh, pear-shaped, tits up.
We are snookered.
No, no, please.
Please, I'll do anything.
[CHICKENS SQUAWKING.]
Where the bloody hell are they? [UNSETTLING MUSIC.]
Butthole.
Why am I gonna die in this barmy place? A bit of praise and a speech on the merits of friendship? Sure, why not? What do I have to - [CHAIN SNAPS.]
- What the - Lex! - [YELLING.]
Shit! - This one's good for killing! - Marcus! Ronald McDonald, lord of the seven kingdoms! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
Jaw breaks! [SCREAMS.]
- Lex! - Get your throat slit! [BOTH GRUNT.]
- Everybody loves - [ALL GRUNTING.]
You're all I got, take care of me [PLUCKY COUNTRY MUSIC.]
[YELLING INDISTINCTLY.]
Whiskey river, take my mind Don't let her memory torture me [GAGGING.]
Don't you get none of your queer blood on me! [SCREAMS.]
Coming through! [SCREAMING.]
[ALL YELLING.]
Oh, my God! [BOTH SCREAMING.]
- Pull down the fridge! - Move the bloody thing! Lex, shoot him! [GUNFIRE.]
Tits fucking up! [MACHINE GUN FIRING.]
Whoo! Whoo-hoo, you puddles gone and marched into the festering brown butthole of the devil himself! [GUNSHOTS.]
Too strong for my size.
Know why? [GRUNTING.]
Whoo! PCP, PCP, PCP! Screams from downstairs.
Your friends are dying! Mr.
Rogers' raisins.
Ronald McDonald's red sack.
It's all connected.
Feel the lord of the golden arches as he marches up your ass! [CACKLES.]
You fucked him, didn't you? [HEAVY BREATHING.]
[GASPING.]
[WHIMPERING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Please don't cry.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
All will be well.
All will be well.
I sent somebody.
They were supposed to protect you.
They were supposed to protect you.
I'm so sorry.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
Listen to me.
Listen to me.
You must clear your mind of that.
- Do you trust me? - Yes.
Okay.
Madame Gao, are you all right? What do you have for me? I know where they went.
[MACHINE GUN FIRING.]
Billy, we should blow the door.
Told them that we'd wait for the signal.
[SIGHS.]
This is crazy stupid.
Why did you come? 'Cause you're the only people I like in the whole world.
I mean, if you're gonna die, I figure I might as well be with you when you do.
If I'm gonna die, Could could you Could we Tits up! [EXPLOSION.]
Fire in the hole! All right, you trailer park paint-huffers.
Get ready to meet Skynyrd! Go! It sounds like goddamn Beirut in there! [METAL CLANGS.]
The door's thicker than we thought.
Here, come with me! We'll go up through the second floor.
Well, we we should go through the front.
- I told Lex it was - Lex was wrong.
Front door is death.
Trust me, this is the best backup plan.
Screw it.
Oh! Y'all expecting company? - [GUNSHOT.]
- [LAUGHTER.]
You must think I'm some kind of ding-a-ling.
That door is fortified with two feet of reinforced steel, welded by the giant dick of Jesus Christ.
Whoo! Cousin Jim, go earn your mescaline.
Rustle them out.
Don't hurt Marcus.
We got plans.
Yeah, yeah, we do, yeah.
Okay, go, go, go.
Oh, sweaty balls on the devil's leg! Hot and sticky, vinegar, piss! You fluff boys about to learn the stinky dick lesson - of old Cousin Jim! - Whoo, whoo! Oh, fiddlesticks.
[EXPLOSION.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
You piece of shit, you were gonna let her kill me! [LAUGHS.]
Sue Ann likes to screw and dance and skitter and howl and [PANTING.]
I am risking the future of my family to be here to help you.
And what does it say about you that you risk so much just to show me how much I need your help, to show that you could have anything that's mine? They were right about you.
You are crazy.
[INTENSE MUSIC.]
[YELLS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING AND YELLING.]
You want to tell yourself you slept with Marcus to pay me back, but the truth is much scarier.
You should be grateful I gave you a new reason to play the victim! And you get to play the assassin.
Cynical and safe and alone! [PANTING.]
[YELLS.]
You would have killed Chico anyways.
If that makes you feel better about what you did! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
[GLASS SHATTERS.]
I'm through with your self-pity! Mud people in my house! Gran Gran does her own cleaning, señorita! I ain't cooking morning biscuits You don't belong here.
- [WHIMPERING.]
- Come on.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
Come on.
Come on.
[WHIMPERING.]
[SHUSHING.]
Shh.
I won't waste your time trying to lure you.
Remember when you first learned how to swim? It was scary, huh? You were the smallest in your class.
But you showed those kids, because you could hold your breath for the longest time.
Goddamn junkies.
It's okay.
Show Daddy how long you can hold your breath.
Your daughter is the price for your deception.
Hold her close.
Say your good-byes.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
Adiós.
- [GUNSHOT.]
- [YELLS.]
[OZZY OSBOURNE'S "MR.
CROWLEY".]
I am getting the hell out of here.
Get off me.
Well, come on, sweet tits.
Party's moving downstairs.
That is clearly a trap, love.
Get the others and get out of here.
[GUNFIRE.]
Chester invited the other one, the sweet tits.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[YELLS, BREATHES HEAVILY.]
[GRUNTS.]
You killed my Gran Gran! - Mr.
Crowley - [BOTH GRUNTING.]
What went wrong in your head Oh, Mr.
Crowley Did you talk to the dead Your lifestyle to me seemed so tragic With the thrill of it all You fooled all the people with magic Where is she? You waited on Satan's call Here.
Mr.
Charming Did you think you were pure Mr.
Alarming Daddy! Good job.
Your mommy would be proud.
Uncovering things that were sacred [OVER RADIO.]
Manifest on this Earth Conceived in the eye of a secret And they scattered the afterbirth [DOGS BARKING AND SNARLING.]
[SOFTLY.]
He fucks the dogs.
[DOGS BARKING.]
[LOUDLY.]
He fucks the dogs.
The dogs, he They don't love him.
Won't you ride my white horse Mr.
Crowley It's symbolic, of course Who's who's that? Love him, my bull god! Love him with your murder stick! - [GUNSHOT.]
- A baseball bat? You watched "The Warriors" too many times, bud.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
- Ha! - [GRUNTS.]
Get off of her, you white-trash piece of shit.
You're slandering my godly people.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
There is a price for treading too close to the real America.
[AIR WHISTLES.]
[AIR WHISTLES.]
[GRUNTS.]
You decry my soft nobility.
But I am a messiah, godless heathen! He's too big.
The Yellow Mellow's only making him [YELPS.]
I am the salt of this Earth, and you city savages, you will see! [ROARS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Billy, get down! [SCREAMING.]
You chose me.
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
Oh, for Christ sakes.
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- Bollocks! - You're out of ammo, you piece of shit! [GRUNTING.]
Hush, little lady, don't say a word Old Gil's gonna find his knife submerged [GROANS PAINFULLY.]
Old Gil's gonna see his knife submerged [YELPING.]
[CHOKING.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[PANTING.]
I thought I thought I was gonna die.
Th-thank you.
[SNIFFLES.]
Come on.
Let's go to the rendezvous.
Guys, we have to go.
Come on! [GRUNTS.]
[EXHALES.]
We have to find Marcus.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
Help him.
No.
You people, you're all ticks, draining me Pulling me down with you.
I'm done.
[BREATHING SHAKILY.]
[GRUNTS.]
[DEVICE BEEPING.]
Live from some fat kid's basement in the charming Sunset District of San Francisco, Fairy Town, USA, it's "The Chester Fuckface Variety Talking Hour.
" [APPLAUSE.]
Our guest tonight, the dude who tried to kill our host, Marcus Lopez Arguello.
[APPLAUSE.]
And now the man with the power to kill us all, Chester Fuckface! Thank you, thank you! Welcome to the show.
[UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING.]
Well, let's hear it for our ginger orangutan whose scrotum looks like a yam, Dwight Shandy.
[BOTH APPLAUD.]
Now, today we gonna explore what makes a monster.
What's at the core of all this ugliness and violence? Why do we feed off it? See, people used to go to public executions, eat popcorn and butter breads.
And today we fake those same thrills with horror flicks.
We immortalize mass killers and we ignore saints.
Why? Well, I think we're at risk of becoming a society Aaah! Weren't your speaking turn! [UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING.]
Anyway.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
People love monsters.
And society breeds them 'cause it needs them, I figure.
And since I been bred by this world to be this Thing Shouldn't I enjoy a little fame? So today, here on national television, you're going to admit that you are not the Orphanage Killer.
It was me, Fuckface, famous celebrity serial killer, done that good work.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
[CRYING.]
And you made me do it all.
[SOBS.]
Made me do it with your abuse of me.
Blowing me up triggered something bad, let loose my murder goose.
Sorry, this is gonna hurt no matter what.
Go on.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
All right, yeah yeah.
Chester killed all those people.
Because? B-because He's desperate for some semblance of significance in the world, to make a mark, even if it is just a smear shit stain.
Because he can't make anything, so he destroys.
Because he's the type of guy who'd screw a goat on national television if it got people to pay attention.
He doesn't need a camera to do that.
Hypocrite! When society came to reward you for my good work, what'd you do? You took that credit, gobbled that fame up! How many videos are gonna circulate of this interview when I put a hole in that ponderous fucking brain? Wait, wait, wait.
I'm sorry.
Let me let me make my point for the viewers.
Okay? This whole thing you've done, all these people you've hurt [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
All for the adulation of strangers? You figure? Maybe you think if enough people love you, it'll fill the void.
That's what you think this is? Well, my daddy done me dirty, so I went looking to make my damage public, exploit it for a paycheck and a hug.
You liberal types love to tell folks how to think and feel and speak.
Oh, you know what's wrong with everybody else.
If only we'd follow your highfalutin rules, the whole world would be a golden globe of sunshine and butterfly kisses! All I'm saying [SIGHS.]
Sadness is rage turned inwards.
And I look at you, and all I see is sadness.
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
You don't want fame.
You want to be loved.
And the solution isn't on the other side of that camera.
Fame won't fix what happened to you.
- You can't fix what's broken.
- Oh, you think I'm broken? We're all broken.
Spewing our damage, looking for meaning, for justice.
What the hell do you know about it? [SOFT MUSIC.]
I wanted to kill Ronald Reagan.
Now, why would you want to hurt the goodest president we ever done made? It doesn't matter.
I was wrong, okay? Inflicting your pain onto other people doesn't help fix you.
[SIGHS.]
When you're feeling weak or sad or angry, friends and family are the only thing that make you feel strong.
[SNORTS.]
[SPITS.]
My family are a bunch of dumb hill people.
I was happier 'fore they were around.
Family isn't defined by blood.
I was happier when I was with you.
You were my first friend.
Till you blew me up.
[SNIFFLES.]
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
I'm sorry, Chester.
We both did shitty things to each other.
What if we put it behind us? I've found what you're looking for.
The school I go to, dude, they would love you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Come with me.
We'll figure this whole thing out together, as friends.
I would love to go to your fucking school.
I would love to be your friend.
[GUNSHOT.]
[YELLS.]
[DOGS BARKING.]
Pretty words.
You had me going.
Fooling me! Fooling my feelings! You're the kind of garbage that makes folks lose faith in humanity! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
All the pretty words on Earth won't never stop people from loving seeing a victim getting bloody revenge! Peppermint, no! [SCREAMING.]
He's done hounding you, kid.
- [WHIMPERING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy, open your eyes! Wake up! - Daddy? - [GROANS.]
[EXHALES.]
[TENSE MUSIC.]
You failed.
[SOBS.]
[CRYING.]
Shh.
[GRUNTS.]
[SHRIEKING.]
Daddy! I will take her to the temple and the great exam.
- Daddy! - Please, Gao, no.
Please, please, Gao.
She's not ready.
[CRIES.]
Nor was I.
[THE SMITHS' "ASLEEP".]
[SOBS.]
Daddy! Sing me to sleep Sing me to sleep I'm tired and I I want to go to bed Sing me to sleep Sing me to sleep And then leave me alone Don't try to wake me in the morning 'Cause I will be gone Don't feel bad for me I want you to know Deep in the cell of my heart I will feel so glad to go All I ever did was love you.
I never asked for that.
You don't have to worry about it anymore.
Sing me to sleep Saya's cynicism she's right.
I shouldn't have let myself care.
You were alone too.
I thought you'd see.
I was.
I did.
Lies I was desperate to believe.
But I always knew better.
Always knew I can't count on anyone but myself.
That's the last thing I wanted.
I'm so sorry.
What I did was It was messed up.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
It all just started to feel like an an obligation.
There is another world An obligation? There is a better world Well, there must be - I didn't mean you were an obligation.
- Yes, you did.
And you're right, I'm broken.
I've been tied up my entire life.
That's all I know, so I made you my new rope.
But I'm done with that.
You're free.
We both are.
Saya and I, we never planned it.
I-I messed up, but it did make me see, I I do love you, Maria.
[THUNDER RUMBLING.]
After all we've been through, can you just do me one small courtesy? Stop lying.
Maria.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
I was hoping to ask you if you had found my son.
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
- I see that you have.
- What's taking so long? We've got to get out of here before this whole thing goes tits up.
[GUNSHOT.]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]