Dinner Time Live with David Chang (2024) s01e10 Episode Script

1
[theme music playing]
Welcome to Dinner Time Live.
I'm your host, Dave Chang.
This man is Aziz Ansari.
He's laughing because I think
we're actually doing this.
-This is ridiculous. This is a real show?
-It's a real show.
I was writing scripts
and doing everything.
-All the immigrant story.
-Yeah.
Lena Waithe coming out to her mom.
I could have just rolled the camera
and we're
This is live, right?
I don't know anything about the show.
I just got here. So it's live right now?
It's live right now and you promised
to make martinis.
-I did.
-With your special lemons.
-This is live at Tuesday at 4:00?
-Yes!
[laughter]
So we're, like It's either this
or Family Feud with Steve Harvey.
Who's watching Tuesday at 4:00?
How did they pick this time?
This is not the ideal time.
This is note one.
-We're about to start drinking martinis.
-Yeah.
-And this gentleman is Cord Jefferson.
-[Aziz] Yes.
[Dave] Award-winning, Oscar-winning
filmmaker for American Fiction,
Best Adapted Screenplay.
And that is Chris Ying,
who has not won an Oscar.
-It's
-[laughter]
It's an honor just to never be nominated.
But we're doing
a breakfast themed episode
Perfect for Tuesday at 4.
I know. One of the good things
about doing breakfast for dinner,
it doesn't look bad to drink martinis.
You can't drink martinis for breakfast.
Yes. Oh, that'd be hard.
-I mean, 4:00 is pretty hard too.
-[Cord] Alcoholic bankers.
-So
-Should I start making these? All right.
-These are famed Aziz martinis.
-"Zizitinis." I've had this many times.
[Aziz] I used to not be into martinis.
And then maybe a couple of years ago,
I was at some party
where the guy was an Italian guy
doing the whole flourish. "Okay."
'Cause I used to think,
"This is cold gin. Who cares?"
And then I got into it.
And then, uh, I live in London now,
and, um, I went to Dukes,
which is a very famous bar
that we tried to go to
and they were too busy.
I thought
we weren't dressed appropriately.
It may have been a racial thing.
No, it wasn't.
It's not a racist place.
-We weren't dressed appropriately.
-[Aziz] No, we were fine.
Uh
But I had a martini there,
which supposedly that's where they came up
with the martini or whatever.
But they just keep everything
in the freezer,
and they do what I'm about to do now
and it's so easy.
And it's one of the things
I like about it.
One of the things that, uh
By the way, I brought
A PA came to my house and took this
and the martini glasses.
Like, what is the budget on?
These are lemons from my house.
And the lemons, I was like,
you want my fucking lemons?
And this is my oyster shucker.
These are mine.
This is all true.
"Dave wanted to shuck oysters with you.
Can you give me this?"
What's the budget here?
-We got to talk to Uncle Ted.
-[Aziz] Uncle Ted.
I mean, jeez.
But truth be told,
these are all Aziz's tools.
This is his actual gin
and his martini glasses.
[Aziz] I got to drive home
with martini glasses.
Know how hard it is to drive with martini
glasses? Where do you store them?
I got to hope
I don't have to brake at any point.
-Okay, so
-But we're opening some oysters
and I wanted to do oysters,
not that they're breakfast oriented.
But it's something Aziz has been
spending a lot of time
Anytime we're together,
he's opening up oysters.
Then Dave one time was like,
"That's not really a good way to do them."
And criticized my shucking technique
and then And then I am
Cord said that one of his dreams was,
his last meal, is martini and oysters,
and we're doing that. It's very nice.
My last meal is martini
and white wine and a seafood tower.
Oysters is a part of it, but
-Wait, and what else?
-A seafood tower, just in general.
-So a seafood tower
-Oysters, shrimp, clams
Could have used that information earlier.
No. This is breakfast for dinner.
I mean, this is
I really like
a decadent breakfast sometimes,
so I'm all about oysters and martinis.
Maybe I should have brought
my peeler too. Jesus.
[laughter]
Can you sharpen the knives here?
This is why you have to let Aziz bring
his own stuff 'cause he'll complain.
[Dave] I know, this is true.
This peeler is actually very intense.
[Dave] I thought we would have
Aziz opening oysters as well.
Yeah, I'll do it. If I can
-Good Lord.
-[Cord] Can I try one?
[Chris] Dave, other than the martinis
and oysters
[Dave] You wanna put on a glove?
I don't wanna
-I do want the glove.
-Well, Cord's gonna try to do it.
I think this is the worst idea I ever had.
I think I can do it.
Tell me what I need to do.
-Holy crap.
-Start at the back, right?
Yeah, I mean,
it's really not that much pressure.
You just want to almost
As a fulcrum and hold it.
It's almost like picking a lock, right?
What you're trying to do is
just get enough pressure
where you're opening up the abductor
muscle here on the right side
and then you're just taking it out
on the bottom
when you scoop it out like that.
-And even if an oyster is
-No. Fucking it up.
extremely fresh, like one out,
I would say, like, 12 oysters
might be, uh Smell like low tide
and that's not a good oyster.
But let me explain the rest
of the menu besides oysters.
Um
I made a cocktail sauce
and I think there's a video for that.
I'm gonna make a mignonette
that's not a mignonette.
It's gonna be kimchi juice 'cause that,
to me, is a great way to eat oysters.
It's a magical combination.
And I don't really like anything
on my oysters. Do you?
You know, as I've gotten more
into eating oysters, I've, um
I like not having anything in them.
I just like just eating the oyster.
-Can you have?
-I'm terrible at this.
This is delicious.
-All right.
-Oh, God.
[Chris] So, Dave
Aziz brought his own lemons,
booze, martini glasses,
shuckers, he supplied everything.
He told me to go to the Glendale Fish King
to grab oysters.
[Chris] He told you to go to Fish King
to grab the oysters.
However, Cord is also breaking
a pescatarian diet
-to be on the show here today.
-[Cord] That is true.
[Chris] I know you like
to rank your guests, Dave.
[Cord] That is true.
[Chris] Can we get a current power
rankings on your two guests today?
Well, clearly,
it's one A and one B, right?
They did it. You guys are
our best guests we've ever had.
-Sorry to everyone else.
-Okay.
-Cord, I did a good job with this.
-[Cord] Take that, Terry Crews.
-I got it.
-[laughter]
I got it.
I just saw this clock that says
53 minutes. The show's an hour long?
I'm gonna put kimchi juice here.
Oh, this is a good one.
So this is what Dave taught me.
It's like, I was kind of breaking the top.
I was going too hard.
Mine's disgusting.
I've left a lot of shells and stuff.
That one's nice.
You have cocktail sauce.
Not that you would need it.
But just in case
I think this is the sauce
that people want the most.
And we have some lemons, so Um
On the kimchi, I honestly
just use kimchi juice a little bit.
A little water.
A little rice wine vinegar.
-And that's it.
-[Aziz] Mmm.
-This is nice.
-[Cord] Cheers.
I got to do a show like this, man.
What am I doing, writing scripts?
-We could just have martinis.
-That's it.
Wow. And, you know, that felt like
a good amount of show.
Seven minutes.
And now we got 53 more minutes.
-We did it.
-Good Lord.
What, are we gonna play games?
Is it gonna be like Fallon?
Play Charades? We got a lot of time.
Let me tell you what we got coming up.
So the next course is going to be
And I already made you a tortilla.
With potato chips.
-Very nice.
-With aioli.
I am going to make you
a bacon, egg and cheese.
That's from New Jersey.
Then we're going to go to Vietnam.
My parents are gonna love
that I'm eating that during Ramadan.
[laughter]
And then we go back to New Jersey
to Edison, New Jersey.
Right? Um
With Taylor Ham slash Pork Roll.
And we're gonna start
a holy war with Jersey.
North Jersey versus South Jersey.
Um, and then we're gonna get
into what I think is the best.
This is gonna be
a highly controversial statement.
But I think the greatest-
of-all-time breakfast food
-is the chilaquiles.
-Chilaquiles. That's your favorite?
Because it's got eggs.
It's texturally contrast.
It's also my favorite thing
where it's crunchy, soft.
I like that. You like that as well?
I think that sweet breakfast is gross.
I'm a much more savory-breakfast person.
I think that Mexican breakfast
is sort of like the best for me.
-[Aziz] Wow.
-I'm partial to breakfast burrito.
But I know that you hate
a breakfast burrito.
We talked about this.
I don't hate a breakfast burrito.
Breakfast burrito is like, you know,
it's a big load to carry all day.
Are you gonna allow Aziz to sit
for his dinner or stand next to you?
I hurt my neck. I like standing.
But if I'm violating show protocol
No, no, no. It's your show.
It's Dinner Time Live with Aziz Ansari.
[Cord] I feel like This is great.
You guys just servicing me?
Yeah, this is great.
This is sort of what it's like
if we go to Aziz's house
and This is literally like this.
Cord doesn't do shit
and you guys do all the work.
I should get started on this.
Uh, bacon, egg and cheese.
-[Cord] That's good.
-You want to mix this together?
-Mix what?
-It's soda water. This is rice flour.
We're gonna make a crepe,
like a Vietnamese crepe,
but also make it
a little bit Indian as well.
Because I know you were thinking
about making Indian food
-and we got to To come back.
-Yeah, of course.
I was gonna make a masala omelet,
but I feel like you guys had a full menu.
-I got some garam masala.
-Garam masala, nice.
And have you guys ever seen
Taylor Ham before?
-What's Taylor Ham?
-[Cord] No.
It's basically Spam, but instead of a can,
it's made in a sock.
-[Aziz] Wow.
-[laughter]
[Cord] Is it really basically Spam?
-I've never had Spam.
-[Dave] I want to retract that statement.
I do not want to get in trouble
with the state of New Jersey.
-[laughter]
-They say it's ham.
'Cause if you want to get people,
like, hot and bothered
between Taylor or Pork Roll,
Taylor Ham Pork Roll,
this is how you do it.
Um, but I'm not gonna make
a stance on that.
-What's that?
-Coconut milk.
So you are going a little Indian.
Coconut milk. Garam masala.
We try to customize this menu
for our guests.
-And what's the kind of flour? AP flour?
-[Dave] Rice flour.
-[Aziz] Oh, my God. Very Indian. Wow.
-I know. I'm taking notes.
Indian people in the comments,
"That's not very Indian."
Uh
-I'm gonna put a little bit of this.
-[Aziz] Oh, nice.
[Dave] From SOS Chefs in New York.
-[Cord] You don't pre-prepare anything?
-We do a little bit. Um
Just because we've tried
to do stuff completely à la minute.
And it's really hard.
So any time in the window that you watch
where there's a box in box
Chris, right? That's something
that we made ahead of time.
-[Cord] I really like the kimchi on it.
-That one tasted a little weird.
-Uh-oh.
-Has anyone ever?
-You just poisoned him.
-Oh, God. That oyster
-That was not good.
-[Chris] Oh, God. Oh, Lordy.
-That was a bad oyster.
-[Cord] Are you serious?
[Aziz] I'm not kidding.
That was That was, uh, bad.
That's it.
Health Department's coming right now.
[Chris] Aziz, you never explained
the secret to your martini.
-What makes your martini special?
-It's not my martini.
I just copy the techniques
they use at Dukes,
which is you keep
everything in the freezer.
So if you like martinis
and you want to do this,
all you do is you keep your glass
and your gin in the freezer,
and then you get vermouth.
This is the one
I have been using recently,
and you do a swirl, dump it out,
and then you just fill it up with gin,
and it's just cold right away.
You don't have to do the stirring.
It's Whatever.
At Dukes, they pour it to the brim,
at the top,
and there's an Italian guy, he comes over,
and he's like,
"Your evening's about to change."
-[Cord] Don't they pour it from high?
-Yeah. [mutters]
But, um, yeah, that's a bit dangerous,
especially at 4 in the afternoon
-and on live television.
-[Cord] I know.
I feel, yeah, this is Thank you so much.
It's a very weird time
to be drinking a martini.
[Dave] It's a weird time
to be filming live television.
-That's true.
-[Aziz] Wait. Why is it Tuesday at 4?
Because we're beholden to the East Coast,
'cause it's dinner time in New York City.
It was a very logical answer
that makes a lot of sense.
So if we did it at 7 L.A. time,
it'd be too late, I think.
[Aziz] Yeah, I guess it all makes sense.
Um, I'm a little nervous that my crepe
that's from all over the world
is not looking so good.
-Oh, it looks fine.
-It looks good, man.
-[Aziz] It's kind of [stammers]
-[laughter]
What happened back there?
Someone filming another show?
-What are you laughing at?
-[Chris] They're looking at social media.
You're looking at social media back there?
You work on the show
and you're on your phones?
She's very unprofessional.
I just put an egg.
And, originally, I wanted
to make this like a Chinese bing,
uh, where you might go on a street corner,
they'll put the egg on first,
and then some meat,
and then they'll put
the crepe batter on top.
But this is, uh,
inspired by both of you guys.
-Wow. Well, where's Cord coming from?
-Yeah, how's it inspired by me?
-I don't know.
-Bacon?
Bacon?
[Chris] Tucson is
a huge producer of eggs, evidently.
People don't realize that Taylor Ham
is produced in Tucson.
It's totally fine. Doesn't need to be.
Cord, how's your martini?
It's really good.
I'm drinking it too fast.
Oh, yeah, this is trouble.
I mean, we're like 15 minutes in.
I might go for round two.
Would you be up to making another?
I should keep this in the freezer,
actually, so it stays cold.
Oh, we're gonna get drunk, aren't we?
Why not?
[Aziz] You know, I The only bummer
is like, oh, the glass will be less cold
'cause it's out of the freezer.
I wish we had more glasses.
But, you know, I brought my own glasses,
but I didn't bring eight fucking glasses
from my own house.
[Dave] I wish people wouldn't think
that we're joking.
But, no, we're not.
These are the only martini glasses.
They're like, "What time
can he come pick up the martini stuff?"
I was like, "What do you mean?"
They're like, "Well, you know,
the glasses, the gin."
I was like, "You don't have
a budget for one bottle of gin?"
I don't even know
if I'm getting reimbursed!
I've been to the Netflix offices.
They can afford martini glasses.
[Aziz] I'm calling Ted.
We should call him right now.
We should FaceTime Ted right now.
FaceTime him and ask him
for a big martini-glass budget.
Um, the reason I said Edison, New Jersey,
is it's where some
of the best Indian food is located.
Edison, New Jersey, wow.
I've never had Indian food there.
I know there's, obviously,
a big Indian community there.
My college roommate,
my freshman year, he was from Edison,
and his name was Suman.
And, uh, I used his ID
when I was a freshman.
And he was just another Indian guy.
-[Cord] If he's your roommate
-And he was from Edison, yeah.
Or he may have been from Paramus.
-Your roommate wasn't the same age as you?
-He was my suite mate.
He was my suite mate.
My suite mate was like two
My suite mates were these two Indian guys.
-And, uh, they were
-[Cord] Did that happen intentionally?
Well, they just were like,
"Oh, we're gonna be roommates,"
and they didn't have their suite mates.
The suite mates were me and my friend.
[Cord] I don't know why I'm asking
all these questions. I don't care.
-[Aziz] Half the audience just left.
-Yeah, truly.
-They're talking about Indian roommates.
-I don't care
Sit down. You're gonna get some food.
Sit down.
[Cord laughs]
And we have Mandy,
who can make some of the martinis.
So you don't have to work anymore.
-[Aziz stammers]
-[Cord] Like to be alone in the kitchen?
Was there something about Aziz's
presence there that was annoying to you?
-Well, no, he's a control freak.
-Yeah.
I'm very annoyed
at being forced to come back here.
This is not I was very happy there.
This is a real battle
of control freaks, I think.
Steve Yeun didn't do that.
He sat down.
This is hard for you.
I think it's hard for you to be in
a kitchen and not be futzing with stuff.
Uh, yeah.
Sometimes I'm like, "Hey,
come over, let's make some pizza."
And then he's directing me
how to do everything.
-He's like, "Come on."
-"Let's make a bossam.
-Not like that, Dave."
-[laughter]
[Dave] Um, but this crepe,
I feel like the idea of it
I see in a lot of different cultures.
So whether this is going
to taste delicious or not
by mashing them all up, we shall see.
No, but it is like a
-What's interesting to me is like
-It's a little bit like a dosa.
Like the cheese is not really,
like, there's
Cheese is what's a real outlier
in the Indian kind of stuff.
And the bacon as well, I guess. Um
But it will be interesting
to see how cheese is
[Cord] Apart from the two
main ingredients, it's very Indian.
We don't normally use cheese or bacon.
[Aziz] But the coconut milk
and the garam masala [laughs]
Well, listen, truly,
if it wasn't this show
where we're trying
to like weave a narrative
with ingredients and the guests,
I probably would not make this.
You guys are very gourmet
and I would say that I'm a gourmand.
-I'm just a glutton and so I would say
-What the hell does that mean?
He's not a gourmand, you're a glutton.
So gourmand is different
from gourmet, right?
So I'm a gourmand
and all I want to do is enjoy the food.
-[Dave] Not the same, gourmand?
-They're not the same. Check it out.
[Aziz] Yeah, they're not the same.
No, gourmand and gourmet are different.
And so what I'm saying is
-Gourmand and gourmet are different?
-Yeah.
What I'm saying is that
What I'm saying is that cheese
and salty meat and eggs
Not just any meat, Taylor Ham.
Cheese and Taylor Ham and eggs
is always going to be good to me.
So it doesn't matter
[Dave] Ever had it with coconut milk
and garam masala?
No, but I feel like three out of the four
things there are gonna be good together.
-What kind of cheese is it, Dave?
-Just cheddar.
I wanted to make it with American cheese,
but it didn't work so well.
-Oh, so you tested this?
-[Cord] Have you tested all this stuff?
-[Dave] Once.
-Once. For today, earlier today?
-And it didn't come out well.
-Okay.
I feel a little bit like the Top Gun line.
You know, we crashed and burned.
-It didn't come out well.
-[Cord] Tested it. It was terrible.
So let's do it again.
-[Aziz] Mmm.
-All right.
-Cord, your martini's done.
-I know.
You want me to top you up?
You guys are much more comfortable
in front of the camera,
so I think that I'm drinking probably
a little faster to loosen up a little bit.
[Chris] Dave, how often were you good for
a bacon, egg and cheese in New York?
That's why I wanted to say,
a Kaiser roll, bacon, egg and cheese
from a bodega is a classic
"I live in New York City.
This is what you do." Right?
And this is an ode to that,
but no one would ever think that.
I mean, it is bacon, egg and cheese.
It wouldn't be a huge leap
for them to think that.
-[Dave] Yeah.
-Thank you.
This is an homage to bacon, egg
and cheese. It's got ham, egg and cheese.
[laughter]
-[Chris] My interpretation.
-Oh, there's the stuff here.
Notice how I still was having
to stand up here because I'm
[Dave] Hey, I think
this tastes pretty good.
I'm sorry that I may be a Philistine,
but do you have any ketchup?
'Cause I put ketchup
on my bacon, egg and cheese.
-This is good.
-Is it?
-Yeah.
-Well, you are a Philistine, but here.
You know what a Philistine is,
but you don't know what gourmand is?
The first time we've ever had
any guest ask for
-Are you serious?
-I guess that's how Tucson rolls.
Fuck you, man.
[Aziz] I think this is really nice.
I like this, uh, crepe.
And you didn't proof it or anything.
Oh, my God. That's really good.
Rice flour, coconut milk, a little masala,
and the batter, and you did it.
I don't actually feel like
I can taste any coconut.
-Is that wild?
-[Aziz] There's a strong cheese and stuff.
I don't feel like I taste any coconut.
But it reminds me of appam.
You know appam?
Right, right, right.
My family is from Kerala,
where a lot of the things,
the Indian food I make,
there's a lot of coconut milk.
If you were listening
to what I was saying,
it was a trip through Kerala
to make bacon, egg and cheese.
[Cord] This is good.
So I will say that I break
[Aziz] You know, Dave,
I could just leave now.
Please don't.
[Chris] Take your martini glasses
and get out of here.
Even if you called Kumail,
he wouldn't get here for like 30 minutes.
[laughter]
Do you think Kumail
is eating food like this?
-That man is huge.
-[Aziz] No, he's not.
[Dave] He is a very fit man.
You know what's surprising?
This guy is getting fit.
-[Aziz] Really?
-Working out,
you're doing mountain climbing
or whatever that is.
-I got into climbing, indoor bouldering.
-[Cord] I know.
-[Aziz] Yeah, but
-[Cord] I hate it.
[Aziz] I'm standing because I've hurt
my back. I'm getting older.
[Dave] Jimmy Chin's filming
a documentary on that.
-[Aziz] What?
-Aziz Ansari.
-About how you're bouldering.
-Yeah, that would be funny.
That's the guy that did, um
What did he do?
-The Alex Honnold doc.
-Yeah, yeah.
[Aziz] He should do one about me
just bouldering for a year.
-[Cord] Free Solo.
-[Dave] Free Solo.
[Cord] Free Solo. He's climbing 7 feet.
Like, hitting some flags.
[Aziz] I mean, technically, I am soloing.
I have no I have nothing.
No protective stuff, just the pads.
But I was there this morning.
But my back has been hurting,
so I'm just standing.
I don't want to stand
and sit and hunch over.
-I was at the chiropractor this morning.
-[Cord coughs]
I saw a guy named Dr. Ron,
and he tried to fix my neck.
-Do you think those guys are real?
-Which guys? Chiropractors?
I mean, it made a noise on my neck,
and I feel better, and I felt like my
[Cord] Oh, that sounds scientific.
[Aziz] Don't I look different
than when you saw me days ago?
Wasn't I like this, and now I'm like this?
I looked in the mirror,
I looked different.
As chiropractor
I feel like you had back stuff.
You feel a little bit taller.
I looked in the mirror. "I look like this.
Before I looked like this."
This was good.
-Ask them on Twitter.
-It was better with ketchup.
-I do not regret asking for ketchup.
-[Dave] Tucson style.
So everybody that's watching,
next time you want ketchup,
you just say, can I have it Tucson style?
And they're gonna get you a ketchup.
[Cord] I'm content as hell with that.
See? It's delicious.
-What have we moved on to?
-Scrambled eggs with ketchup.
[Dave] Ignore these two,
-and I am putting some tortillas
-I thought you were a man of the people.
-You support
-Clearly.
We're never being invited back again.
I remember one of my favorite things
that I read about you
is that you like cheap beer.
And I've always felt that way.
-I'm almost full.
-I've always felt like expensive beer
No, I love cheap beer.
[Cord] I think that to me
is the same with ketchup.
-[Dave] I think you're wrong.
-Ketchup is the people's condiment.
This is very un-Dave Chang.
You don't like Heinz?
I like ketchup
but only on specific things.
French fries, hamburgers,
cocktail sauce. That's it.
You mix ketchup and eggs?
Get the fuck out of my life.
-[Cord] Are you serious?
-I'm making an exception for you now.
-[Chris] I feel like Cord is slipping
-You mix ketchup with eggs? Fuck you.
Are you serious?
You just served us a Spanish tortilla
with aioli. It's not that far off.
[Chris] I feel like Cord is slipping down
in the power rankings.
Ying, can you talk about
these tortilla chips?
When we called Javier Cabral,
the editor and founder of L.A. Taco,
we're like, "What are some
of the best tortillas that we can get?"
-Where'd he come?
-[Chris] These are from Aziz's house.
[laughter]
[Aziz] I had some! I would have
brought them if you needed them!
I had flour tortillas.
These are from Caramelo
in Lawrence, Kansas.
Javier, when we asked him
for the best corn tortillas in America,
zero hesitation, said Caramelo.
They get heirloom corn from Mexico
from a company called Tamoa.
And he was like, "You have to buy these,
and you have to fry them fresh
or you lose all credibility, Dave."
-[Aziz] Wait, did you fry them fresh?
-We did. We're frying them fresh.
-And Cord can eat these with ketchup.
-[Cord] I won't eat these with ketchup.
I'm not gonna take ketchup heat
for the rest of my life. It was good.
Cord doesn't have to be here.
He's an Oscar winner, okay?
He's doing you a favor.
The movie already won the Oscar.
He's not here like,
"Hey, check out American Fiction."
You know, you better watch it, man,
'cause neither of us are in promo.
We don't have to be here.
My movie doesn't come out
I don't even have a release date.
-I have to be here.
-We're taking time off.
It's a nice sunny day in L.A.
We could be in a pool right now.
We're eating chilaquiles and drinking
martinis at 4 in the afternoon.
He's been saying, what are you working on?
The Oscars coming up for like a year.
[Cord] Now it's like, "What am I gonna do?
Can I go to Dave's? Put a camera on me.
Put me in makeup." Thank you.
Do you guys think that corn tortillas
are better than flour tortillas?
Not for making chips but just in general.
-[Dave] No comment. People get mad.
-Why "no comment"?
[Cord] I'm a flour tortilla man.
-[Aziz] I like flour tortillas.
-You're from Tucson.
[laughter]
[Chris] A little ketchup, a little flour,
you got dinner.
[Cord] This is brutal.
Flour tortillas to me
are a superior tortilla.
Well, I like them for like
I made fish tacos the other day.
You remember Ricky's Fish Taco in L.A.?
Which is now no longer.
-What?
-He's gone. I don't know where he went.
-Are you serious?
-He's gone.
-Uh, but Ricky used flour tortillas.
-[Cord] Whoa.
-And so I used flour tortillas for
-Playita's
-What?
-Playita's was superior to Ricky's.
[Chris] Mr. Chang,
what are you doing there?
Congratulations, guys. You're talking
about an esoteric dining experience.
The rest of the world has no fucking idea
what you're talking about.
[Aziz] You're doing a cooking show.
The people at home are not eating.
They're trying to vicariously enjoy taste.
[Dave] Last thing they wanna know is
a restaurant that doesn't exist.
[Aziz] He's somewhere.
There's a bunch of L.A. audience.
The people that watch TV live
at 4:30 in the afternoon are like:
"Ricky's, I remember that.
He's about to tell me what happened."
And now I got cut off.
-It's 4:27. I just checked it out.
-Oh, my God.
-All right.
-[Aziz] Whoa.
[Dave] That's not good.
Wait, so tell me
why you prefer corn over flour.
-I'm just gonna give you that.
-I can't, I can't.
-Oh, I can.
-[laughter]
I think corn,
mainly not just 'cause it's delicious,
but it really does almost tell you
the entire story of the history of Mexico,
the genius of nixtamalization,
and it's amazing.
And the flavor you can get from it.
And I love a flour tortilla.
Don't get me wrong. Right?
Shout-out Sonoratown.
-[Aziz] Oh, yeah, yeah.
-Oh, God.
-Here we go.
-How will they know about Sonoratown?
You're talking about
a local restaurant nobody knows.
-[Dave] It's still around!
-Oh, yeah. Of course.
-[Cord] Sonoratown is fucking delicious.
-[Aziz] It is very good.
-[Dave laughs]
-[Aziz] Want to hear a Sonoratown story?
So, uh, I'm doing this movie now.
I'm not doing this to promote the movie.
Promote the movie. Promote the movie.
So Keanu Reeves is in the movie.
And to get Keanu
-[Dave] What a flex.
-Keanu is the best.
-Mr. Big Shot.
-Yes.
Got a special lemon.
So we had to do a table read with Keanu to
get him to sign up to do the movie, right?
And we were doing it around dinnertime.
We're like, "We need to order food."
And we're like,
"Well, let's do Sonoratown,"
which is like, for people
that don't know, an amazing
[Cord] Incredible Sonoran Mexican
restaurant here in Los Angeles.
So good. And I was like,
"Well, okay, let's get Sonoratown."
There was a discussion of, do we eat
Sonoratown before or after?
I was like, "We can't eat it before
'cause we're gonna be a little sluggish."
So we did it afterwards.
And, uh, the stuff came.
And, um, there was a guacamole
that said "Keanu" on it.
And I got it framed
to remember it forever.
[laughter]
-What just happened here?
-[Cord] That was a great story.
All right.
Let's get him back on track here.
I think it's cool. Here's the thing.
-Was it a terrible story?
-I thought the story was cool.
The audience didn't like it.
What do you mean,
the audience didn't like it?
-I didn't really listen to you.
-[Aziz] No one's watching this, Cord.
-No one is watching this.
-[Cord] Yes, there are.
-There's nobody watching this.
-There are people on the East Coast.
This is the only show I've done
that I've never seen before.
All right.
You think I'm gonna prepare
my A-list material
-for [stammers]
-[Dave] For your friend?
For my friend?
This is literally like
I didn't even know we were filming
anything. I thought we were No.
-What is this device doing?
-I'm making a verde salsa.
I've already made
[Aziz] What is that?
Is that the top for a blender?
Yeah, this is a
We talk about this every episode.
This is a Thermomix. Um
-Residual checks come to me.
-[Aziz] Oh, my God.
Ying, do I need to explain
how I made the rojo salsa?
Which is right here.
-The people will see it down in the
-[Aziz] Wow, what a reveal.
[Chris] Usually, you have to choose
between the red and the green chilaquiles.
-[Cord] Oh, my God.
-But Dave has opted for both.
[Aziz] Oh, where's the green sauce?
You're making it fresh.
[Dave] So I just took out the
Cord asked, like when you're cooking,
how do you sort of time everything out?
Well, that's exactly that.
I wanted to make sure I had these done,
which is we can do a picture-in-picture
so you guys can see how that was made.
And that was made with some tomatoes,
a bunch of chiles japones, uh,
guajillo, ancho, a couple others,
some cumin.
Oh, my God. That's really nice.
Wow.
And this is gonna be for the chilaquiles,
which is usually a red or green sauce.
And, uh, I just took out of the oven:
tomatillos, onions, scallions, garlic.
I'm gonna puree it
with some cilantro, lime juice.
We're gonna make the other salsa.
-Oh, and this. Chicken salt.
-[Aziz] What? Chicken salt?
-What's chicken salt?
-It's exactly that.
It's pulverized, the flavor of chicken.
-[Cord] Chicken skin?
-[Aziz] Or like Oh, wow.
[Dave] You can look at it that way.
This is
-This, by the way, Taylor Ham, I'm all in.
-You're all in?
If this is what Spam tastes like,
I'm all in.
It tastes like pulverized bouillon,
basically.
-Yeah, it's basically chicken bouillon.
-Whoa!
-[Thermamix whirring]
-Big-boy stuff.
-Did you just reach in there?
-I just put my finger in.
[whirring stops]
So I just added
a little lime juice as well.
-Need to check on the seasoning in a bit.
-[Cord] That's really good. Holy shit.
-[Aziz] That's really nice.
-[Cord] Yeah, just like bouillon.
Last time I had chilaquiles was actually
with our friend Nick Kroll
and my little brother.
We went to this breakfast place
and they were like:
"Oh, you should get the chilaquiles.
They're the best chilaquiles
I've ever had."
-[Cord] Was it Square One?
-No, it was some other place.
And we got them, and the guy used
Doritos with the chilaquiles.
It was the worst chilaquiles
I've ever had,
and I have not had chilaquiles
since that chilaquiles.
So this is a big chilaquiles.
-So that is Tucson chilaquiles. [coughs]
-Really? With Doritos?
Moral of the story is never eat
with Nick Kroll. Is that it?
I'm just saying that you guys have
such a disdain for trash food,
and I think it's crazy.
I don't have a disdain for anything.
What did I do?
I am trash food.
What are you talking about?
You're saying
that Doritos with chilaquiles is terrible.
That sounds like a wonderful idea.
-But I didn't say Doritos are bad.
-I'm all in on that. No.
Give me nacho cheese. Give me Cool Ranch.
I don't have a problem with this.
You know what they call
Cool Ranch Doritos in Iceland?
-What?
-Cool American.
They don't even understand
the concept of Ranch.
-[Dave] That the title of your next film?
-Yeah.
Cool American. American Fiction?
Cool American.
The trilogy of American series?
Other places don't have the concept
'cause they don't have Ranch dressing.
But you could just explain Ranch.
Ranch dressing is one
of America's greatest exports.
[Dave] Well, let's be serious here.
Ranch dressing is just a vehicle for MSG.
-That's fact.
-[Cord] Really?
-[Dave] Fuck yeah, man.
-Are you serious? There's MSG in Ranch?
-It is.
-Don't get him started on MSG.
-Tell him.
-[Cord] No
-I'm going in another room.
-[Dave] We told you. We told you.
I read The New York Times article
about MSG.
I read about it. I know.
But I did not know
that it was in Ranch dressing.
It is one of the significant
main ingredients in Ranch.
[Aziz] I just want to let everybody know
that they told me to put the red light on.
-[laughter]
-I just want to let everybody know
they told me to do the show
and make two martinis
-and I'd have to drive myself home.
-[Chris] Oh, no.
Anybody that's a fan,
this may be the last
[Chris] You could drive us home
after the show. Just give us a lift home.
This is the first time where a guest got
sauce on the back of their clothes.
-[Aziz] Oh, my God!
-[Chris] You're good, you're good.
-Uncle Ted will pay for your dry cleaning.
-This is from OshKosh B'gosh.
[laughter]
Uh, Dave, can you catch us up
on what you're doing?
Yes. So, again, I pureed the tomatillos,
uh, after I broiled them.
So I think one of the biggest tips
I can give people at home
that are cooking is, use your broiler.
It is completely underutilized.
The broiler setting can actually
cook chicken extremely well,
but also on a sheet pan, you can roast
all these vegetables in ten minutes.
So I pureed that.
Again, the garlic,
the scallions, the onions,
some cilantro, and, uh, a little water,
a little chicken powder, lime juice.
-Are you taking those back?
-[Aziz] You have your own oyster shuckers.
And I got mine.
Let's just keep
[Dave] Mmm.
I've got to say that's surprisingly good.
-Here.
-Oh, thanks.
-Mmm.
-Right?
-What are your thoughts?
-That's nice. That's really good.
I hope I don't spill this.
It would be terrible.
[Cord] I can't imagine giving David Chang
my thoughts on his cooking.
-That is like psychotic.
-That's how crazy I am.
-[Dave] Listen
-I still am not sitting down. I refuse.
But it's a little bit of my back.
I promise.
Everybody on Instagram are like,
"Aziz won't even sit down.
-What a dick."
-You know what, Dave? I don't think so.
Like, "What? Are you crazy?"
Ah! I forgot something.
I got to cook some chicken.
[Aziz] Oh, my God.
This is gonna be so good.
-I'm like the most rogue guest.
-[Cord] I know.
[Dave] You really are. I think
our director now is like, "Goddamn it."
[Cord] You're licking spoons.
[Aziz] I keep forgetting
there must be cameras on this guy.
Is the Internet going crazy about
the cleanliness in this kitchen?
People are licking things
and touching things.
I'm pretty cool with it.
Sometimes I get notes like:
"That guy's licking his fingers."
Guess what. I don't give a fuck.
-[Aziz] But you read them, so
-I do, I do, I do. I do care.
I was spilling a lot of kimchi juice
from those oysters,
and I noticed
you wiped it up very quickly.
I think that good cooks also tend
to be kind of fastidious people.
-There's a lot of cleanliness.
-My mom saw me, like
I remember one time
my mom came to visit me in L.A.,
and I was cooking and I was cleaning.
She's like, "Wow, this is just like me."
-As you cook.
-Yeah, I Always be cleaning.
You're putting your ketchup plate
on my cutting board?
-Come on, dude.
-[Cord] See that? Disgusting to you.
-[Aziz] You're not drinking your martini.
-Aw, shit.
[Cord] You're not even drinking
while you're working.
You're not even drunk
while you're working.
We need another round of martinis.
Cord's on his fourth martini,
his penis is out, it's been wild.
They can't see that.
-[Cord] Is there a delay on the show?
-No, no.
-There's no delay?
-No delay.
So, Cord, you can say a bunch
of racial slurs and it's just there?
-No different than normal Cord.
-[Aziz] Wow.
-I noticed he toned it down.
-He did say before we went on, he's like:
"This is the first time
I've done anything live."
-Normally, I say a lot of racial slurs.
-[laughter]
-[Dave] That's your calling card.
-It's really hard.
With Cord, those are like um's and ah's.
So, on the verde, which is, a.k.a,
translates to green, right, Chris?
[Chris] Let me just check the Internet.
[Cord] Verde is green. I'm from Tucson,
Arizona. Verde is green.
[Dave] I'm going to add some chicken,
which I forgot to cook earlier,
and this is just some chicken thigh,
boneless, that I chopped up
and cook it with salt and pepper,
and add it to that.
-[Aziz] Putting it in the green sauce?
-Correct.
Here's a breakfast question
for my gourmets in the house.
What are your guys thoughts on cereal?
-Cereal?
-Cereal for breakfast.
I haven't had cereal
I don't even think in like 30 years.
-I never eat cereal anymore.
-It's for children.
[Chris] What was the best thing
you ate this month, Dave?
-Cereal.
-Is this a question from the viewers?
No, like, legitimately, I told him,
um, I've had a lot of back pain.
-Actually, I'm getting surgery.
-[Aziz] So, yes, yeah.
-So, like, I don't sleep anymore.
-Oh, my God, this is me.
At, like, 2 in the morning,
I went down and my son likes eating
peanut-butter chocolate cereal.
And I just I had four bowls.
[laughter]
I had four bowls
and there was no marijuana.
I was just me, sober
complaining about my back and my head,
and just thinking to myself:
"I think this is one of the most delicious
things I've ever tasted in my life."
-Do you use normal milk?
-Yeah, whole milk.
-Whole? Ooh.
-No, that's not true.
-That's probably good.
-That's not true. I did oat milk.
But then I did two bowls of oat milk
and then I did two bowls of whole milk.
I haven't had a bowl of cereal
in probably like 20 years.
-[Chris] It's that cereal there, Dave?
-It is.
[Chris] First of all,
I want people to see
how Dave Chang opens a box of cereal.
It's important to me.
Looks like a bear tried
to eat this box of cereal.
-[Cord] They have Dragon Ball Z on it.
-"I think there's animals in the home."
[Chris] Cord, can we convince you
to have one of those?
[Cord] When I was a kid,
they put Michael Jordan on cereal.
-Now it's Dragon Ball Z.
-Goku is the 2024 Michael Jordan.
-Do you want a bowl of cereal?
-[Cord] What is his name?
-What's his name?
-[Chris] His name is Goku.
-Goku. What's the green guy?
-[Dave] Of course he knows.
-[Cord] Piccolo. You know what?
-[Chris] Want a bowl?
-[Aziz] Should I refill our martinis?
-Yes, please.
[Aziz] There's 21 minutes left.
Well, guys, I'm pretty sure
Netflix is gonna tell us
this is the last episode
we're ever gonna do of the show.
Or it's the last Or you can only do it
with Cord and Aziz from now on.
-That's some version of hell.
-[Aziz] I've been banned as a guest.
Has no respect for the show.
[Cord] Could you grab some milk
out of the fridge, Aziz?
-[Chris] I got you, I got you.
-So, Cord, what's it like?
You gave an amazing Oscar speech.
It was extremely, uh, emotional.
Amazing. Were you thinking about that
before you went up there?
Yeah, a little bit, of course.
Yeah, I think I'm not, again,
I'm not very comfortable
in front of cameras. I get nervous.
I thought about it,
but I didn't write anything down.
I always think that it's very
I always think Are you guys into zines?
I always think a good zine would be
Thank you.
Would be people's, uh, acceptance speeches
-for awards that they lose.
-[Aziz] Oh, that's cool.
'Cause imagine when you leave the Oscars,
how many people are just throwing away
things that they wrote down.
That would be a very good zine.
But I didn't write anything down
because I was scared.
That feels like a jinx.
Feels like a jinx to prepare that way.
It feels like,
"Now I'm definitely not gonna win
'cause the world is gonna make me
look like a jerk for writing this."
Imagine holding the speech in your hand
and then they call somebody else's name
and you gotta tuck it back in.
Aziz, when you won an Emmy,
did you have the speech ready?
No, I didn't.
I didn't have anything prepared
for the reason Cord's saying. I, uh
Oh, but both times I've won an Emmy,
I didn't get to speak.
-[Chris] Let's hear it now.
-I don't know.
-I didn't have anything prepared.
-[Chris] Milk is spoiled, but it's good.
-You're kidding. Bad oysters, bad milk.
-That's how we do things here.
-Oh, Lord.
-[Cord] This is actually very good.
-But I gotta say
-I told you!
Holy shit, man.
Wow, I could do that easily.
You weren't even stoned when you did it?
You did that sober?
-I lied. I was definitely stoned.
-Yeah, there you go.
Oh, my God. This is crazy.
[laughter]
Dave's preparing all this stuff
and he has a bowl of Cocoa Puffs, like:
"This is crazy."
This is why my parents wouldn't
give me this 'cause it's addictive.
[Aziz] Like you, I haven't had a bowl
of cereal in like 20 years.
-[Dave] It's insanely good, right?
-I gotta stop.
Notice I've now weaseled my way back
behind the counter.
I didn't put ketchup on the cereal.
Listen, if you did, that's okay.
We all know you're from Tucson.
[laughter]
You know what? Good luck opening
a fucking Momofuku in Tucson.
All right? It's not gonna happen.
I got a lot of people's ears there.
I got a lot of people's ears there.
Good luck.
-You're gonna have to go through me.
-Does it usually get this combative
where people are shitting on the show
and going to war with you like this?
No. This is a first and last.
This is no longer gonna be
a "breakfast" episode.
This episode will be "first and last."
Terry Crews was so nice.
I'm like, "Why is the show on at 4:00?"
Yeah.
Terry Crews was literally,
maybe, our MVP guest
-and you guys are no doubt
-[Aziz] I've never seen the show.
[laughter]
-Good for Terry.
-[Cord] I wanna be invited back.
This is all Aziz. I've seen the show.
I did my research.
-I watched a lot of episodes.
-I'm really so happy to be here.
I really liked the Kroll episode,
the Barinholtz episode.
[Aziz] Kroll did it with the Oh, wow.
This reminds me of the thing
you made at my house.
So one time Dave came over to my house
and we were cooking for some friends
and he just went through my cabinets
and just saw stuff that was like
-About to expire.
-Yeah, and it was like saving all my food.
And I had a bunch of eggs
and some potato chips,
and you made something like chilaquiles,
but it was like potato chips, eggs,
and what else?
Well, the reality is that was the genesis
for the dish that we made
for Seth and Ike Barinholtz.
And if you guys were better guests,
there was caviar in the fridge.
-Hey, come on! What did we do?
-I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
We got the word from Netflix.
You are not good enough for the caviar.
We can't spend the caviar
on these guys, they said.
[Cord] That's fine.
I'm from Tucson, Arizona.
I don't eat caviar. I'm a down-home guy.
I don't need this fancy shit.
I don't need caviar. You guys saw me.
I put ketchup on my food.
I don't care. It doesn't matter.
Did Terry Crews grab oysters
and just start shucking them?
Cord, the Internet's really wondering,
where are you from originally?
[Cord] Cleveland. Turns out.
Turns out strangely.
Dave, you're not gonna ask them
how they like their eggs?
I don't care at all
how they like their eggs.
[Cord] Soft scrambled.
Scrambled is the superior egg.
-No, if you want scrambled No.
-[Chris laughs] No.
No, you're wrong. It's patently false.
If we were gonna say that this was gonna
be the GOAT of all breakfast dishes
and it was scrambled eggs,
it would be called a migas.
-[Aziz] Migas.
-[Cord] Ooh.
While delicious, the reason why
an egg cooked this way is the best
[Cord] I think this one might be shady.
I literally made this, this morning.
I made an egg like that.
-And you know what I did?
-Smell this. See if you think it's shady.
That seems fine.
Now you're worried about all the oysters?
-Yeah.
-[Aziz] Oh, God.
-[Cord] You made me nervous.
-Go on Dave's show, eat bad oysters.
You guys suck.
See what you think, Dave. Smell this.
-[Aziz] Does it smell bad to you?
-See what you think.
-Well, who opened this? [groans]
-[Aziz] I did.
-Oh, God.
-It smells great. It was shucked poorly.
-[Chris] Why do you say that, Dave?
-He popped the belly
How about this one? This one's good.
This is an A-plus.
That's summer school right there.
-Yeah, yeah. Mmm.
-You guys sure?
-All right.
-[Aziz] Oh, great.
Gonna go for this.
So, again, I really love chilaquiles,
and usually you don't get both the rojas
and the verde on the same plate.
Not that I'm an expert in it.
You usually get one or the other.
I'm gonna put it on the same plate. Um
And I wanna have one of these
a little bit softer than the other
because this is a texture,
the wet crunchy is an underrated texture.
-Which is why
-Wet crunchy.
-[Cord] Yes, sir.
-I like that.
So good!
But you don't want it to be too wet.
The problem that a lot of restaurants
in Los Angeles make
is that they don't keep the crunch.
There's no al dente.
You want it to be al dente, right?
Remember, he's from Tucson.
He's giving you guys
-God, man. What?
-[laughter]
I can understand being combative with me.
Cord doesn't cause any problems.
You're from tobacco country
in Virginia, my man.
Oh, God. Cord's had six martinis, guys.
That was a good oyster.
[Aziz] The goal at the end of the show
should be, they should ask
for Cord's Oscar back.
If they don't ask for Cord's Oscar back,
we've failed.
I've not made
"Hey, we gotta, you gotta give it back."
-[Chris] Still the 90-day grace period.
-[Cord] Only got 13 minutes.
[Aziz] It's weird, it doesn't feel
like there's cameras on this side.
Just psychologically, it feels weird,
but they're on you, Cord.
-I feel fine.
-Okay.
-I feel fine.
-[Aziz] Wow, that looks great.
You look great.
You guys are stressing me out for nothing.
I feel great.
This side is where it's to be.
What a great knife. What technique.
[Aziz] Wow, there's 13 minutes
and 30 seconds left.
[laughter]
-So, folks
-[Chris] Shall we pass it in silence?
-What? You know what?
-What if we were quiet for 14 minutes?
-What's wild is, I could do that. Like:
-[Chris] I don't wanna talk anymore.
[Cord] This rules.
This is the only show I wanna be on.
This rules. This show's amazing.
I love it here.
I mean, I love the live element.
I don't know why it's not
-[Cord] It feels scary.
-Cord, pull your dick out right now.
There's no way
the guy could blur it in time. No way.
-Uh, so going back to some
-Anyway, back to the chilaquiles.
Going back to some food talk here.
Let me tell you what.
-Cilantro's not
-[Aziz] Are people enjoying this online?
-Cilantro's not my most favorite thing.
-Is this the worst episode?
[Chris] A lot of people support
the dick-pulling-out.
-I just gotta say.
-[Aziz] No, Cord, don't do it.
-Cilantro's not
-[Chris] Don't do it.
-Don't throw your cilantro stems out.
-What about Dave's chilaquiles?
This is what happens
when you decide to make martinis.
You could've had a calm
You could've been like,
"Aziz, make some chai."
But you said make martinis.
This is what you get.
[Dave] So this is some crema.
That we mix with some water
and a little sour cream.
[Dave] So, in your opinion,
what is the superior egg?
I know that I said scrambled.
What is the superior egg for chilaquiles?
The reason why I like this,
and I didn't get to finish,
until I was rudely interrupted
by you and your dick pulling
I'm sorry. Yes, I'm sorry. Yes, exactly.
Was when you cook an egg,
whether it's soft-boiled, however it is,
is adding an egg yolk like this
is the most inexpensive way
to add luxury to a dish.
-[Aziz] Like a runny yolk.
-Runny yolk.
-[Aziz] I love a runny yolk, yeah.
-You cannot recreate that texture.
So I'm a big fan of this.
Scrambled egg is great.
I know there's people like, "He's putting
stainless steel in a nonstick pan."
-[Aziz] That's a very specific reason.
-[Cord] Get over it. Come on.
-[Dave] Thank you.
-[Cord] Who gives a shit?
[Aziz] I literally made an egg like this,
this morning,
which my uncle showed me,
which is just doing a fried egg,
but doing it with coconut oil.
And it's so nice.
-It's a very nice breakfast treat.
-[Dave] Thanks, Aziz.
Whose show is this? Yours or mine?
-I mean, you know
-[Cord] Look, I want to make it clear.
I've stayed on my side of the counter.
-I refuse to be on the other side.
-I've never ventured into David's space.
Next week, we'll make eggs
like Aziz's uncle.
Yeah. And next week,
you'll buy your own glassware.
-This is all Aziz's fault.
-[Dave] Aziz, you're coming back.
[Aziz] I'll come back here,
yeah, now, for feeding.
-This is
-Thank you, sir. Oh, my God.
the last savory course here, folks.
And what I wanted to say, too, is cilantro
has taken me some time to appreciate.
And growing up,
I never really ate cilantro.
But what I'm the biggest fan of
is the stem of cilantro. It's mild.
Don't throw your cilantro stem out.
So, what do you do with the stems?
Oh, wow, that's very nice.
I didn't know what that was.
I thought it was like spring onion.
And if you want, you got some of this.
[Cord] What about for our super tasters
who think cilantro tastes like soap?
[Dave] Can I tell you something
about this?
-[Aziz] Brace yourself.
-Brace yourself.
Those people are all from Tucson.
They're fucking idiots.
Afraid so. So listen,
if you're a super taster,
just imagine if you're a super taster,
and a super taster, folks, is someone
that has highly sensitive taste buds.
[Aziz] I wanted to stop you
for a second 'cause you said "folks"
and there's only one guy watching.
[laughter]
It's like, how embarrassing
is it to tell you it's like:
-"Did you know that I'm a super taster?"
-[Aziz] That means
That's actually happened.
"Hey, did you know something about me?"
[Cord] Do people say that
in your restaurants?
-Clearly it has to happen.
-[Cord] "I'm a super taster"?
-Is this ready? Can we eat this?
-[Dave] Yeah, yeah, go for it.
-They get tossed?
-Oh, my God, this looks so good.
[Dave] So I'm gonna work on this waffle.
Even though Cord has already
said his dislike
-for all things breakfast, sweet.
-[Aziz] A waffle, whoa.
[Cord] This is breakfast for dinner,
we're good.
And the chicken in here too,
I forgot about that.
Good Lord, this looks great.
You know what? I think that I'll tell
you guys a thing. Whenever people
Cord, be careful.
This is live, this is going on TV.
I know, but whenever
This is pretty neutral.
When people are in diners
and they're like, "Over hard,
over easy, sunny side up, over hard."
What does that even mean?
[Aziz] What's over hard?
See, I'm a scrambled guy.
That's when you come in
Wait, wait, can I ask?
When have you ever heard anybody
When has anyone ever heard "over hard"?
Have you ever heard that, Chris Ying?
-[Aziz] Over hard is not a thing.
-Over hard, nope.
-[Cord] Over hard is not a thing?
-I've never heard it.
There's only one place in the world
where over hard happens.
[Cord] This is shameful.
I'm so sorry for these Philistines.
[Aziz] There's cameras here too,
there's gotta be.
I'm so sorry for these Philistines
who've never heard of
the way that eggs are prepared. The eggs
are over hard, over easy, sunny side up.
I've never heard the phrase
Has anyone here ever heard "over hard"?
-[Chris] Overcooked.
-[Cord] Can you Google "over hard"?
-[Dave] Can I just also state here?
-[Cord] I promise you it's a thing.
Uh, there's a reason
why I think people at Netflix
were concerned about
having friends on the show,
'cause it would just derail
into fucking madness.
-[Aziz] The chaos.
-Yeah, congratulations.
Guys, thanks so much
for watching the final episode
of Dinner Time with Dave Chang.
I'm Aziz Ansari.
It's such an honor to be the last guest.
Uh, tune in next week
for Dinner Time with Jay Leno.
So let me tell you quickly about this
before we get deeper into this.
Oh, back to the chilaquiles, sorry!
So I wanted to make a dessert
that was based on a dish
from the great chef Magnus Nilsson,
who invited me out to Northern Sweden
to meet his dairy farmer.
And we had What was the name of her,
the dairy farmer who did it all?
Her name is Anita Meir.
[Dave] We were in the middle
of nowhere, mountains,
and she runs everything
without any electricity,
and she is arguably one
of the best dairy producers in the world.
She makes cream and butter,
and all the things that at the time
produced for Fäviken,
which was open at the time with Magnus.
And there's a great Netflix
Chef's Table episode for Magnus
if you want to catch that.
But what I had was this amazing waffle.
And this is not necessarily
exactly what she made,
but we got the recipe from Magnus.
Based on the true story.
And one of the best food writers
in the world,
Mattias Kroon, was with me,
and he took a bite of this.
It was one of the most descriptive things
I've ever heard in my life.
[Chris] We've got this video
if you want to
Our adorable friend, Mattias Kroon,
experiencing it for the first time.
-Hey, hey.
-[Dave] What's it taste like?
It tastes like
It tastes like eating clouds.
Eating clouds
when you wake up in the morning.
Eating sunshine and clouds,
that's what it tastes like.
[Chris] So you've set the bar
for yourself.
At first I thought he said
it tasted like eating clowns.
Sounds horrifying.
He set the bar for what we should have
been doing this entire time too.
And instead we're talking
about bullshit and we're not
This chilaquiles is truly incredible.
I think the thing
that you want out of chilaquiles
that you're getting here is
-you want the texture of the chips.
-Yeah.
You want the richness
of the cheese and the yolk.
You don't even need to add the chicken.
I don't even think you need it.
-[Dave] You're missing the
-Fuck you.
-[Aziz] Oh, God!
-[Cord] See, this is
Cord, you're starting to sound
like a gourmet. What's going on?
[Cord] I would put ketchup on this
if you guys weren't looking.
-Um, did you put cheese on this too?
-No cheese.
-Oh, yeah, that's cotija and there's
-[Cord] Covered in cheese. It's covered.
I just took a little heavy cream
and all you need to do is whip it,
either hand
If you whip this by hand, it should
be really cold. Your arm will be tired.
But, uh, I just add a little bit of sugar
and it's mildly sweet,
because I don't want things
too super sweet with the whipped cream.
These are some berries
we got from the market.
And this is nothing like how we had it,
but I'm just trying to make sure
that it tastes good.
And the reason why we made it this way
is we sort of like,
if you're gonna make this waffle,
the key thing here is to make sure
that it's cooked in a very, very hot pan.
When, uh, she makes it,
it's over a fire, roaring fire,
and this is on a hot pan, but you also
want the batter to be extremely cold.
How did she make it in a fire?
Did she have a cast-iron waffle press?
Correct.
And the reality is,
this is mainly whipped heavy cream
and just a little bit of flour.
And we hydrate it
and we make it to the point
where the whipped cream,
as it cooks, melts really quickly
and leaves this really fragile
lattice-like structure of the flour.
So it's super, super crunchy and airy,
and it tastes like eating clouds.
[Chris] Mm-hm.
[Dave] Mine will taste like a nightmare,
but it'll be okay.
[Aziz] Sure it won't.
This chilaquiles is It's the best
chilaquiles I've ever had, I think.
And it has erased the memory
of the bad chilaquiles
-that I had with Nick Kroll.
-[laughter]
[Cord] I think this also suggests
that it's really easy
to make your own chips at home.
More people should be
making chips at home.
It is, but
[Aziz] You just gotta fry. But frying
is always a little bit of like:
[whining] "I gotta get all the oil."
But the tortillas really
live up to the hype.
They're very good.
The guy from L.A. Taco
was dead on the money.
-Javier knows exactly what's going on.
-Yeah. Oh, my God. [stammers]
It's really good.
Well, we're gonna get
So what people don't see
after we end, after an hour,
is usually everyone starts
to descend and eat all this.
So I have no doubt
we're gonna finish the chilaquiles,
but I want you guys
to get into the waffle.
Okay.
My last bite of chilaquiles.
Oh, God, I hope this came out all right.
[Chris] Cloud-like? We have a cloud?
[Cord] It's impossible
for it to not be good.
[Aziz] But eating a cloud, to be fair,
eating a cloud sounds
like you're just eating like
-[Chris] It wouldn't be crunchy.
-It doesn't sound good.
I disagree,
I think that was not very good.
-Maybe he was insulting the waffle.
-It just tastes like condensation.
Wow.
-What do we do here, Dave?
-[Dave] No, I feel like I undercooked it.
-[Aziz] Do another one.
-No, we don't have the time, my man.
Oh, God, how much?
Two minutes and 40 seconds?
Oh, my God, now if I
We could just go all day.
[Cord] I know, this is what you want,
this is what I wanna do.
[Dave] So put a little whipped cream.
Cord, I'm sorry,
I gotta see if I cooked it right.
-[Cord] It looks good.
-[Aziz] It doesn't seem undercooked.
Get in there right
Get in there right now.
-Get in there right now.
-Holy shit, it's an emergency.
Notice how crazy I am.
I'm like, "It seems fine to me.
I'm a comedian, I think I know."
It's so light and so crunchy, right?
[Aziz] So just spread a little bit
of this on here?
-[Cord] Tastes like a cloud, baby.
-[laughter]
Sorry. Holy shit, that's very good.
You know what?
I don't really like sweet stuff,
but the good thing is that this is dinner.
-This is a dessert.
-[Dave] Breakfast for dinner.
-It's a smart way to course the meal.
-Pancakes should be for dessert.
Pancakes and waffles should be dessert.
-Speaking of dessert
-Oh, my God.
[Dave] Right? Super good.
Like eating a cloud.
[Aziz] It's amazing.
What is the batter again?
It's really just flour and whipped cream.
It's the right ratio.
-So you take the flour
-[Cord] Whoa.
with some, um,
you basically wanna get it
so it's a little bit like a pudding,
like a wet pudding,
and then you fold in the flour.
Wow.
-It's like
-[Chris] So, Aziz, we did really feel bad
-about stealing your martini glasses.
-What's this?
So we went This is no joke, Cord.
The same person who engraves Oscars
engraved these martini glasses for you.
-What?
-Are you serious?
-To commemorate this.
-Whoa.
Commemorate the possibly last episode
of Dinner Time Live.
[Cord] And it's espresso, it's breakfast.
[Dave] Ted got the memo,
he gave us the budget.
We did this at the last second.
[stammers] I thought
it was gonna say like, "Aziz and Cord."
Okay, it does say Aziz.
Okay, fair enough. I'm gonna stop.
I'm gonna stop.
Remember when I told you that Aziz
will complain unless it's his stuff?
Literally the last thing you did.
"Well, it doesn't say my name."
I'm done! We're done!
-Thank you, Aziz. Thank you, Cord.
-Thank you.
-Cheers.
-Thank you, everybody.
Cheers.
[theme music playing]