Dirty Sexy Money s01e10 Episode Script

My father worked as a lawyer for the richest family in New York, until his plane went down in Long Island Sound.
He left me his biggest client, the Darlings.
Tripp, the empire builder.
Do you want to tell them why you want to destroy my family or shall I? Letitia, the sophisticated socialite.
Which of our children isn't mine? Brian is your brother.
Brian, the man of God.
Brian Darling is under arrest for attempting to bribe a public official.
Karen, the professional divorcée.
My dad can never find out about this, okay? Patrick, the principled politician.
End things with Carmelita or I will end any shot you have of a seat in the Senate.
And Jeremy and Juliet, the well-behaved twins.
I want this girl to like me for me.
You're a Darling.
As soon as she finds that out, things are never gonna be the same.
I told her I was an artist.
You need to stop lying to this woman.
Could you just hook me up with, like, five paintings, please? What do you see when you look at me with the eyes of a great painter? Well, I don't know if I'd use the word "great.
" Don't be modest.
Tell me.
Okay.
A peach.
A plum.
A road that goes on and on.
I can't wait for you to paint me.
It's been two weeks.
You can't rush the master, Sofia.
I know.
You have your process.
No, it's not a process, it's a way of life.
Unlike my desire, which I can expend on you four times a day.
Five.
My inspiration can't just be turned on.
It needs time to build, to gather and then it explodes onto the canvas.
Does that inspire you? I'll start tomorrow.
It's been a while since we did that in the morning.
I'll say.
Since we did that, period.
Everything old is new again.
Was that okay for you? You seemed Are you kidding me? That was sensational.
It's just, you know, my leg is a little sore.
That's all.
Oh.
You're still mad I shot you.
No, I'm not, honey.
I'm just telling the truth.
My leg hurts where you shot me, that's all.
From now on, it's nothing but the truth between you and I, okay? No more lies.
No more Carmelita.
Okay? Yeah.
You get it.
I'm gonna take a shower.
Carmelita, stop calling.
Please.
I wrote you 10 e-mails last night.
You never responded.
What's the matter? I think I'm being followed.
Oh, what exactly makes you think that? It's just a feeling.
I got home from class last night, and things were just out of place.
I can't explain it.
I think someone had been here.
Okay.
I'll be over as soon as I can.
Bye.
Who the hell is that? Robert Russell.
- The painter? - Mmm-hmm.
- Well, tell him to go away.
- I can't.
He's having second thoughts about the Jeremy Darling project.
Oh, it's a project now? A project.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jeremy is actually coming by the gallery this morning to learn from Robert how to draw and to collect his five works in progress of Sofia so he can fake being a painter in real time, and Robert's starting to feel like the whole thing is putting his integrity at stake.
It's pretty bad.
Well, welcome to life with the Darlings.
- Hello? - Nick.
It's Simon Elder.
Hey, Simon.
What's up? Can you come over to my office? This morning? Yeah.
Say, 10:00.
Yeah, sure.
Is everything all right? I'll tell you when you get here.
It's It's a delicate matter.
I'll see you then.
Bye, Nick.
What's so delicate? You.
Hey.
How about some cherry lemonade? Oh, yeah.
I'd love some.
So, what are you doing tonight? It's the annual Nutcracker evening with the Darlings.
It's a family tradition.
Oh! Why? Well, I have someone important coming in from out of town I'd like you to meet.
All right, then I'll be there.
Done.
Mmm.
That's perfection.
You really know how to treat a girl.
Most people want the same things.
Sugar.
Salt.
Attention.
You are the best kisser.
Brian? What are you doing here? - I came to tell you - What? That nothing's changed? That's a lie.
That I'm still your son? Lie.
That you still love me? That was never true.
So maybe that's the one thing that won't change.
No.
Everything has changed.
Everything.
You're not my son.
I spent most of your life trying to find me in you and I never could.
Now we know why.
I loved your dad and I came to tell you that I look forward to having this relationship with you.
Thanks.
I've got a meeting to get to.
Reverend Darling, we've known each other a while, yes? Ten long years.
And I watched you proudly as you found your own special way.
Unique.
You always did things differently, Brian.
That has been your blessing.
Thank you.
But this independent spirit of yours is also your downfall.
Brian, it pains me to have this conversation with you.
Not as much as it pains me.
In the same period of time when you were righteously ministering to your flock, you initiated a sexual relationship with a parishioner, fathered a child out of wedlock and, most recently, bribed a judge.
- It was an arbitrator, actually.
- Oh, Brian.
I wanted to get my son back.
And his mother was gonna whisk him away to stupid Brazil and just when I started to connect to him! And you felt you had no other choice but to commit a felony? I'm sorry, Brian.
The State Board has decided to suspend you for six months, during which time you are expected to undergo counseling for sexual addiction and attend a series of workshops.
Who doesn't love workshops? Brian.
You have a lot of work to do and you have a lot of questions to ask yourself.
About what? Whether you still feel called to serve the Lord.
So what's this all about? Before I tell you, I wanna make sure that we're still cool.
We're okay.
- I have some concerns.
- About? Tell me.
Let's get it all out.
That night up at Valhalla, when Tripp told the story about your parents working for the Darling family, - emigrating to Russia.
- Yeah? It did leave me with some questions about you and your intentions regarding the family.
I assure you, the only connection they have to my vision for New York now, today, is that they're in the way.
But it's nothing personal.
It's not.
I'm listening.
I need you to I would like for you to get me copies of Darling Enterprises' profit and loss statements for the last five years, and a list of all their holdings.
Simon, the only people who have access to that information are members of the family.
You're part of the family, right? That's a pretty sizable betrayal you're asking me to perpetrate.
No.
Don't think of it as betrayal.
It's synthesis.
Is that it? No.
No.
There is one more thing.
I've started seeing someone, romantically, and I wanted to tell you.
So that I could congratulate you? It's Karen Darling.
Really? Okay.
I know you two have a history.
We do, but it's pretty far back, really.
I'm more concerned that this might be some sort of plan of yours to tear Karen away from Tripp the way that you did with Patrick.
Patrick followed his heart.
It had nothing to do with me.
As for Karen, yes, I genuinely like her.
I think she's a very dynamic woman, but I won't pursue her if it's gonna be a problem for me and you.
Our relationship is too important.
Is it gonna be a problem? Why should it be? Look, you're both adults.
It's fine.
Okay.
Is everybody excited about The Nutcracker? Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it.
Why? Because I'm gonna be out and about.
Karen, it's The Nutcracker.
I'm sorry, Mom, but I'm gonna be busy.
If she's busy, she's busy.
I think you're freaked out about attending a family event without a lover to protect you from the intimacy of your tribe.
You've been spending so much time living from your swadhisthana, you need to get up into your anahata and start feeling it.
I learned that in the Seychelles.
Honey, I'm really starting to regret giving you my honeymoon.
You know who really needs a honeymoon? Brian.
Poor guy.
I know.
Mom, what are we gonna do about that? If I woke up tomorrow and knew that I didn't really belong here, I would kill myself.
Just because Brian is not my biological son does not mean that he does not belong.
He's still your brother.
Stop it.
Hello, dear.
You all talking about me? - No.
- I know.
We're not all related.
I'm sorry.
Not my fault.
There's somebody downstairs for you.
Some guy.
Okay.
I don't know what may have happened to her on those distant green islands, but it was certainly salutary.
Kai! You're here, you made it! I made it.
It was quite a journey.
How was your flight? Did you fly first class? I told them to make sure that you flew first class.
Yes, I did and it was wild.
I don't think I've ever been treated this well on land or in mid-air.
Sir, may I take that bag upstairs for you? I'm okay, man.
Thank you very much.
I missed you so much.
I missed you, too.
Everything's falling apart.
I've lost my wife, my daughters, my one-time mistress, my son.
I found out my father's not my father.
And now I've lost my job.
I mean, what's next, leprosy? Yeah, it sounds to me like you need to be patient.
The bishop has outlined a program where eventually you can regain your post.
But I'm not sure I want to.
You're so good at it.
The sermon that you gave at Karen's wedding It was fine.
I whipped it together.
And those baptismal prayers you wrote for Patrick and Ellen's children.
Those were published.
'Cause I'm a Darling.
Was.
- Brian - You know what I mean.
Well, you can't deny you have a way of articulating the questions that people have about God and faith.
Because they're the questions I've got, in spades.
The truth is I've never really felt the presence of the Lord the way other people say that they do.
Never? I find that hard to believe.
Sure, I get weepy at Christmas.
The crucifixion kind of gets to me.
But that's not the same as actually having faith.
Do you think this is all coming up because of recent revelations? Well, my so-called brothers and sisters are treating me the way they always have, Mom, like an alien.
This is about faith.
And I'm not sure I ever really had any.
Well, maybe you should talk to your father then.
He's not my father.
He raised you, Brian.
Go to him.
He's more familiar with these kinds of cosmic doubts than I am.
There.
Didn't that settle you down a little? Yeah, it did.
Thanks, Mom.
Hey.
Where's Picasso? He'll be here in a minute.
His name is Robert Russell, and you better be nice to him 'cause he's doing you a big favor, all right? Okay.
Whoa.
That is one big sponge.
Yeah, it just arrived from Berlin.
What do you clean with it? Like, big art? It is art, Jeremy.
It just sold for $ 150,000.
I don't think I've ever said this, but that seems overpriced.
Maybe, maybe not.
Depends on who's buying it.
The way I see it is when you buy art, you're buying a window.
When you look at the art, whether it's a painting or a sculpture, or whatever, and you see through it into something new, it's worth it.
I see a sponge.
Me, too.
I wish you could stay forever.
But my uncle is counting on me to come back.
Oh, it's just that Everything feels so different with you here.
Well, then just make sure we make these two weeks last.
- Okay.
- Okay.
So he wants financial statements and a list of all our holdings.
So what do you want me to do? I think we should give them to him.
Okay.
This is what we've been waiting for.
Isn't this Mr.
Elder showing us his hand? Are you gonna have somebody doctor the numbers? 'Cause if you are, I don't want to take any part in that.
Nick, come on.
You know We're just gonna show him what we want him to see.
I'll have the accountant put together some papers.
Karen'll bring them over to your office, okay? Nick.
Let every adverse force converge.
We have Mr.
Elder exactly where we want him.
All right.
I'll see you later.
Simon Elder just asked for our financial reports.
Find out what he's up to, okay? Here you go.
Profit and loss statements for Darling Enterprises going five years back.
What are you gonna do with them? Nothing.
I'm just making sure everything is in order.
Nick, seriously, what are you and Daddy up to? There's something you're not telling me.
You're right, Karen, there is.
And I'm not.
How's Simon Elder? - You heard about that? - Yes, I have, and it's only a matter of time before your father hears about it as well.
Not from me.
I won't tell him.
I wouldn't want to see his face.
Nick, all Simon and I do is talk, okay? We talk about different ways to make the world a better place.
You could join us sometime on one of our talks.
- Might be fun.
- Thank you, no.
Your loss.
Promise me something? - What? - Don't tell Daddy.
I promise I won't.
Okay.
You gonna Nutcracker with the fam tonight? Yeah, I am.
I'm gonna bring Kiki.
You? No.
No, I'm kind of over it.
But you kids have fun.
Bye.
It's all right.
It's okay.
I'm here, baby.
Everything's gonna be just fine.
It's not, though.
When I got home last night, I could tell little things had been moved.
Those drawers were open.
That light was on.
I know I turned it off.
What are you looking for? Bugs.
Bugs? Surveillance devices.
Detective Darling? Well, I want you to be safe, right? You do believe me, don't you, Paddy? I believe you.
Of course I do.
In fact, I'm gonna put somebody right outside that door, 24l7.
The police? Unfortunately, I can't involve the police for this because I'm the Attorney General and you're not my wife.
But don't worry, I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.
Trust me? Just because you're having some doubts about God, you think that means you have to vacate your post? I mean, there are lots of beneficial values transmitted by religion.
I guess I just thought that it would be a good time to become authentic.
Did you ever believe? Really? I don't know.
The idea of it always interested me.
The idea? The idea that there's something that gives its life up to make room for more life.
That I find fascinating.
No, don't No, seriously.
I've always envied you, your life of the mind.
Yeah, I mean, me, I've been stuck, fumbling with the nuts and bolts of big business.
I mean, I've seen myself referred to as an empire builder.
That's not me.
That was my grandfather.
Me? I'm an empire maintainer.
Do you really want to leave behind the world of ideas? What could be better? I don't know.
I really don't know what to do.
I can't tell you what to do.
That's for you to decide.
- Sorry.
Not gonna happen.
- He's not coming? Robert said he's really interested in helping you out, but he started a painting this morning, he's on a roll and he doesn't want to stop working on it, so he's really sorry.
- Is that really what he said? - No.
He said he feels like a whore.
So what am I gonna do? If Sofia finds out I'm not an artist, she'll just think I'm poor for no good reason and then Wait, a minute.
Look at you.
What? You're not so different from her.
Your height, your hips, your clothes.
What's your point, Jeremy? Let me just draw you.
It can be practice.
If it turns out any good, I could use it for Sofia.
- It's kind of a great idea.
- It's kind of not.
You can't draw and I can't just sit here and have you look at me.
I wouldn't want you sitting.
I want you standing, right where you are.
I'm very uncomfortable with this.
I have just the thing that could make you feel much less uncomfortable.
How about a little smokie? No.
This is my workplace.
Which is closed.
And we need to chillax.
Me to draw, you to pose.
You're bad and this is bad idea.
I know.
Oh.
- Hey.
- Hi.
This is who you wanted me to meet? Karen Darling, I'd like you to meet Princess Ama, from Ghana.
- Pleasure.
- Hello.
Okay.
She's my ex-wife.
Oh.
We met in the middle of the ocean.
How'd you guys wrangle that? My father and I took a trip to Jeffrey's Bay in South Africa to scatter my mother's ashes.
But after we had scattered her ashes, I could not sleep.
I walked out, past the hotel pool, onto the beach and into the ocean.
I swam and swam, weeping.
I missed her so much.
The moon was so big it lit the sky.
And just when I realized I had gone so far, I probably could not get back What happened? I hit my head on the side of a little boat, and he was in it.
He helped me into the boat and we have been together ever since.
You You guys aren't still married, right? No, no, no.
No.
We're divorced.
Yes, marriage for us was a way of keeping our distance.
Not good.
No.
What? What'd she say? She approves.
Oh! Lucky me.
Just doing my job, ma'am.
I know Patrick and Mr.
Darling are on the outs, but when he called and asked me to look in on you, well, what can I say? You're family, as much as I am, anyway.
Thanks for heating that up for me.
I'm just sorry I don't have anything here to feed you.
I haven't been able to get out.
I could make you some cookies.
Oh, that's sweet, ma'am, but sugar and stakeouts, that's where those cops go wrong.
Steamed rice and hardboiled eggs, it's good for the brain.
Keeps me sharp.
I can actually see in the dark.
So, you've done this kind of thing before? 'Cause this is the first time I've ever Well, I've never played the damsel in distress.
Been with the family for 17 years, ma'am.
I've seen plenty and we've gotten through all of it, so don't worry.
Also, I put a plant in the plant.
A plant in the plant? A camera.
There's a live feed right into my car.
I'm just a few yards away, so relax.
Thank you, Clark.
You sleep tight, ma'am.
You know, it's funny, if you told me six months ago that I, Jeremy Darling, would be working in a parking garage and would be pretending to be a painter, I would not believe you.
Life is full of surprises, isn't it? - It is.
- Mmm-hmm.
I'm a sucky artist.
I am.
Look.
But I'm getting better.
I'm quite surprised.
- That's my point! - Yeah.
That is my point.
You know what? You should try being yourself with Sofia.
You need to be honest and letting things unfold naturally, organically.
- You think so? - I do.
Lying will slowly kill your insides, Jeremy.
Once she sees who you are, who you are, she'll be able to love you for what you are.
Tell her the truth.
It may surprise you.
It might just disappoint everybody supremely.
What's the matter? What just happened? I'm losing my husband.
What, to Karen? - Give me a break.
- To all of you.
- You're stoned.
- No.
No.
Ever since he took this job, he's just been slipping away.
He's never around, you know? He comes home late, he leaves early, he's always so busy.
And Kiki and I are just there, you know? We We feel like we have to compete.
We're We're there.
We're there.
We're We're there missing him and loving him, and he's off doing God knows what for all of you, and he doesn't have to.
We had a good life before he took this job.
He doesn't need to do this.
He doesn't.
I don't get it.
I don't.
And I'm sorry because I'm stoned.
I'm being stupid.
I'm rambling.
I'm sorry.
I don't get it either.
If you were mine, I'd be a couch potato.
Jeremy? Hmm? You're sitting on my lap.
I know.
It feels nice.
Jeremy.
Don't do that again, okay? - Okay.
- Okay.
Damn it.
God.
Clark? Clark? Is that you? All right, who wants a candy cane? Hey, Dad, where's Mom? She couldn't make it.
She got hung up at the gallery.
Too bad for her.
This is, like, a once-in-a-lifetime experience here.
Not really.
They do it every year.
Wow.
Really? Yup.
I have to marry into this family.
Well, Kiki, I'm not sure that's the right attitude to be cultivating.
You don't hate ballets, do you? This isn't gonna drive you away? No.
No, this is interesting.
We definitely don't have anything like this where I come from.
Good.
I can't wait to see you see it.
Hey, what are you doing here? Nothing.
Sit down.
- Karen, you okay? - I'm fine.
Something happen between you and Simon? I don't want to talk about it.
- Karen, you can tell me.
- Nothing happened.
All right.
That has to be the prettiest dress on earth.
Thank you.
Good evening, everybody.
Shall we start the show? Mrs.
Glass, you're here to see your big blue sponge? - I am.
- It's really big.
May I touch it? Of course.
It's yours.
Almost.
Oh, my God.
It reeks.
Oh, no, no.
That's the Thai food we had last night.
- We? - Me.
A wee bit of Thai food.
Sorry.
- We? - Me.
A wee bit of Thai food.
Sorry.
It's marijuana.
I would know that smell anywhere.
I had a stoner husband for four years and this is what everything smelled like, all the time.
This and patchouli.
Oh, God.
It is.
It's pot, isn't it? I'm sure if someone did smoke pot near the sponge, the smell wouldn't be absorbed permanently, ma'am.
It's a sponge.
Absorbing is what they do.
Alex, please! Mrs.
Glass, I'm sure there's something we can do.
No, no, no.
I don't want that thing! It smells and it reminds me of Hugh.
Well Well, you just killed a $ 150,000 sale.
I'm sorry.
No, you're not.
You're fired.
You sleep okay? In and out.
Had an espresso at 10:00 last night, made my brain a little jumpy.
Silly thing to do.
Are you okay? Are you settling in to us? Sure I am.
Yeah.
I am grateful for all of this.
All of you, that you're still willing to give me.
It's Clarkie.
He's calling.
Hey, Clarkie, what's cooking? Sir, you need to come over here.
What's the matter? It's Carmelita, sir.
I don't know how it happened, but she's gone.
Okay, well, thanks for calling, Clark.
I'll get right on it.
Right.
It's fingernail polish, sir.
It seems he, or she, came in through the bathroom window, went straight into the bedroom and waited there to seize Carmelita.
They managed to elude the ficus.
Clarkie, how could this happen? I'm sorry, sir.
I am.
Me, too.
She's gone.
Well, look at you.
What a beautiful suit.
Yeah, it was in my closet.
How's it feel? - You know, like a uniform.
- Well, I'll give you some suspenders.
It'll take the edge off.
So Speak.
Well, last night I did some thinking.
And? I wasn't able to come to any conclusion.
Every time I imagined leaving the church, I got so anxious I realized I had to go back.
Every time I imagined staying, I felt so trapped I realized I had to leave.
Well, that sounds like a hard way to spend an evening.
It's a hard way to spend a life.
Yeah, but that's over now, right? Yeah.
And after I thought about it for a long time, I stopped thinking, and I prayed.
And did you get your answer? Yeah, I did.
From God? I think so.
What did HelShe have to say? I'd like to come work for you.
I think it's best for me, and for Darling Enterprises.
This is God talking, right? Not your mother.
She doesn't even know I'm here.
Well Far be it from me to ignore the still small voice of the Lord.
Welcome to the company, son.
Thank you.
Nick.
Did we have a meeting? I just need a minute.
It's okay.
What's going on? You seem like something's I don't know what happened between you and Karen last night and I don't wanna know, but I am telling you to stay away from her.
Why? Now, I knew she was upset about I said I don't wanna know.
There is a city full of women, a world full of women out there for you, Simon.
Why her? You can have any woman you want.
Now, if you care about our business relationship at all, if you've been sincere with me about your intentions, your vision for the city, and if you're not just in this to destroy the Darlings, let her go.
- Did Tripp send you to say this? - No.
This is between you and me.
You are a married man Simon, that is not what this is about.
Let her go.
All right, I'll let her go.
Thank you.
Five years.
Financial statements.
- This is incredible.
- No, it's not.
It's business.
Well, it kind of looks like me.
- Maybe if I squint? - Okay.
All right.
Sofia, I need to tell you something right now, because I don't want my insides to die any more than they already have.
What? You're sick? No.
No, no, no.
I'm sick of lying.
Sofia, I'm not a painter.
I didn't paint any of these.
I mean, I did do this sketch, which is why it really sucks, but What are you talking about? I lied to you about everything.
I bought all these paintings and I pretended that they were mine so that you'd think I was a poor artist and not some rich lazy ass, which is actually what I am.
Because, Sofia, my last name isn't Babeson.
It's Darling.
My family is worth $35 billion.
Am I supposed to believe this? I know! It's crazy! But, you see, I wanted to make sure that you liked me before you knew the truth.
I have suffered too much at the hands of these love pirates.
Sofia, now that you know who I am, you can love me for what I am, right? I trusted you.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
You think because you tell me the truth, it's gonna be okay? That's not the way to treat people.
I don't care who you are, how much money you have.
Bye, Jeremy Babeson, or whatever.
I have something to tell you.
Last night, I was sitting with you and your family and I realized something.
I want to stay here.
You are staying here.
No.
I mean, indefinitely.
What about your uncle? Oh, I e-mailed him last night.
It's okay.
He's cool.
He has, like, nine other nephews.
Oh, this is the best day ever! Okay, well, we have to go shopping before we do anything else.
- For what? - Warm clothes.
It's cold outside and you're not totally acclimated yet.
- Juliet.
- What? I didn't come here from the Seychelles for you to take care of me like some kind of poodle, okay? - I know.
- I came because I came for you.
Okay? - Kai? - Yes? Can I give you one gift? No, I just said no gifts.
I want I want you to be my first.
Your first? You know.
My first.
Tonight? Whenever.
But I want it to be you.
Juliet.
You're amazing.
I'll take one of those.
Hey.
- You okay? - Yeah, I'm all right.
I got fired today.
- What? - Yeah.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Well, you want to tell me what happened? It was stupid.
When Jeremy came to the gallery yesterday, he smoked pot and the smoke permeated this giant blue German sponge.
And a lady was gonna buy it and she freaked out and changed her mind.
Oops.
Okay.
And did you do it, too? Get high? Yeah.
I did.
I see.
Maybe I wanted something bad to happen, to just shake things up.
Well, inviting the Darlings into any situation definitely increases the chances of things getting shaken up.
Now you know how I feel.
Do I? Yeah.
Yeah, you do.
I'm sorry I'm unemployed.
It's okay.
We got plenty of money.
You wanna have another kid? - Really? - Yeah.
I love you.
I love you, too.
- You all right? - Yeah.
- I'm fine.
- Okay.
- Hi, Daddy.
- Hi, darling.
You wanted to talk to me? Yeah.
We're not in over our heads with this thing, are we? What thing? You and Simon Elder.
You okay? Yeah.
I'm fine.
What You don't Don't worry about that.
You promise me you're not getting emotionally involved? I'm not.
I promise.
Because we agreed that was absolutely not part of the plan.
I know.