Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s01e10 Episode Script
My Old Man and the Sea
The medius is an important postural muscle because it keeps the hips level when walking.
Uh-huh.
And notice the gluteal line.
December is a very good month.
I know what you're saying, but look at July.
Amazing lateral rotators.
Don't try to get mine on a technicality.
If this looks that good in December, imagine what June will bring.
You're getting thrown by the snow effect.
Or the fact that she's only wearing a pair of earmuffs.
Doogie? Yeah, mom? These are fresh.
Put them away.
Thanks.
I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you know who would make an awesome October? I know.
Wanda.
Actually, i was referring to your mother.
Vinnie, that's gross! Noogie, noogie, noogie, noogie.
Hello? Hi, Wanda.
Nothing.
I'm just sitting around here with Vinnie.
I'm off the entire weekend.
I'm not even on call.
You're kidding.
Palm Springs? Your folks said it was o.
K.
? That's incredible! Yeah, yeah.
I'm sure it's o.
K.
Uh, so, I'll call you later.
And thanks.
Bye.
Yes! Score! What? What? I've been invited to spend three days in the Springs with Wanda and her family.
You're the luckiest guy on the planet! Three days in palm Springs.
Two nights in the city that invented the jacuzzi.
Wait a minute.
Oh, no.
THAT THE 1st, 2nd, AND 3rd.
That's when my dad schedules our annual weekend together.
He's your dad.
He sees you every day.
Just blow him off.
As a guy, he ought to understand.
He hasn't mentioned it for months.
He's usually into it.
Maybe he forgot.
Hi, son.
What are you doing with your three-day weekend? I'm invited to palm Springs with Wanda and her folks.
It's also the annual fishing trip weekend with my dad.
He lives for these trips.
I see your problem.
He ends up teaching me the same things he's taught me every year, constantly pointing out every bird and plant.
That's what dads do.
That's not the half of it.
He talks to fish.
Who does? Doogie's dad.
Is he seeing somebody about it? Wish my father took me fishing.
What are you saying, i shouldn't go to palm Springs? Someday your father will end up like Mr.
Martini here, and you'll regret not having spent as much time as you could have with him.
I never went fishing with my father.
I was always his little girl.
Then one day, he took me to a dodger game.
I threw up in the third inning.
He spent four innings trying to clean me up.
He never took me anywhere alone after that.
I don't think i can do it anymore.
He tells the same stories.
If I hear about how he caught the steelhead with salami again Go with your dad.
Have a good time.
For me.
Who caught a steelhead with a piece of salami? It's a long story.
His pop.
He wants to take him fishing, but the kid wants to go to palm Springs with his girlfriend Wendy.
Wanda.
He takes him every year.
The problem is the man raps with the fish.
Well, Douglas, there's something to be said for tradition.
I for my part have always felt that our priority lies with our families first.
My advice would be to go with your father.
He'll certainly appreciate it, and I think, in the long run, so will you.
Yo, Doug Take the woman to the desert.
You can always go fishing.
You sure you don't want pizza? I can't.
Mom made dinner.
I hate eating at home when grandpa comes over.
He's got this phlegm problem.
Oh.
Doogie.
Hi, dad.
Hi, Dr.
h.
Son, I stopped off at Eddie Bauer's this afternoon and picked up a few things for the trip.
Try it on and see if they fit.
Great, dad.
Vincent, you ever seen one of these? It's an antique fenwick.
Split bamboo.
They don't make them like this anymore.
That's quite a rod, Dr.
howser.
I'm telling you, vin, there comes a time in every kid's life when you realize your father's not this superhero.
That he's just another guy.
Nice ensemble, howser.
Take those off.
I wouldn't wear this stuff in public.
This is serious.
I'm running out of time.
Here's what you do.
You find one of your dad's patients and run over him-- Vinnie.
So that your dad has to work on him for the weekend.
O.
K.
, I got it.
It's perfect.
This better be good.
It's better than good.
You ready? Con your mother into going.
It'll never work.
It's a sure thing.
Remember when you broke your living room window? You broke our living room window.
Whatever.
We told your mom we found an injured Robin that smacked into the glass, and that we fixed its wing and it flew away.
There were tears in her eyes.
She ate it up.
She did, didn't she? You think she got a whole lot smarter since then? There's nothing like crystal lake in December.
The air is so fresh and clean.
It's so invigorating just being there.
I bet you'd really love it.
Well, hey, that's an idea.
You could use the time away from all this housework.
Why don't you go with dad and take my place? I wouldn't mind, just this once.
Not on your life.
Anyway, I suggested we use the leftover salami as bait.
Grandpa George said I was crazy, but no sooner had that salami hit the water, we got the largest strike we'd ever had.
That baby was jumping out of the water.
We'd never seen anything like it.
Dad thought it was a rainbow trout.
I said not a chance.
Only a walleye pike jumps like that.
Mom, please.
Douglas, there is no way I'm going fishing with your father.
I was not made for camping.
This body does not sleep on the ground.
It's dirty, it's cold, and it's dirty.
Besides, there are bugs and who knows what crawling around there.
Why do I have to go? You have the misfortune of being born a son.
I'm just not his little boy anymore.
I'm just going to tell him i don't want to go.
Dad.
Hmm? I need to talk to you.
It's about the trip.
Uh They've been a lot of fun.
Really Really great.
And we've been going a long time, huh? I'm 16 years old now.
I know, and I got something for you.
Can it wait? It'll take a minute.
Dad-- I was going to wait to do this at the lake.
But now is as good time as any.
Grandpa George gave me this hat when I turned 16.
And I'd always hoped that I would have a boy to pass it down to.
Here.
Try it on.
You're a great fishing companion, son.
Come on, Mr.
fish! Doesn't that look like a delicious little worm? Do you think talking to the fish will work? They're laughing at us.
It's a technique i picked up from your grandfather.
He was quite partial to using Hemingway short stories.
I remember one incident where The fish practically jumped into the boat.
Dad, I'm kind of getting hungry.
Isn't it about time we head on in? Whoa.
Whoa! O.
K.
! O.
K.
! O.
K.
! Here we go! Doogie, get the net! Get the net! A little more.
Here comes dinner! I Got it! Whoa! Go on.
Ow! Great! Great, dad.
Just great.
Hermit thrush.
Correct.
CATHARUS GUTTATUS, sometimes known as a swamp angel.
Some consider it the finest songster in north America.
Here.
Uh, here's one.
Red-breasted nut hatch, a small active bird whose migration is irregular and depends on corn-fed seeds.
Very good, Douglas.
You got them all this year.
So, um How are things with you and Wanda? Fine.
Well, she's a very sweet girl.
Very, uh Grown-up.
You know, there's nothing like this-- cooking our own dinner, enjoying the fresh air, having our little talks.
I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be right now.
Can you, doogie? Oil me.
All right, gang, it may not be eggs Benedict, but wouldn't a juicy worm make a nice way to start your day? Dad, it's almost 1.
Try the lunch menu.
They obviously didn't want breakfast.
Doogie, why don't you try old fenwick here? Huh? You might have a little better luck with this.
I doubt it.
Come on, o.
K.
? You've earned the right to handle this beauty.
O.
K.
Now remember what I showed you.
Nice and easy.
It's all in the wrist.
Just cast off your nose-- i know, dad.
And your release point is over the horizon.
Whoa! Whoa! I got one! Set the hook.
All right.
All right.
Easy.
Not too much tension.
I got it.
Very good! Hey, you're doing fine.
Let him have some line.
Loosen up the drag.
Here, here.
I can do it! Let me help you.
Doogie! Whoa! Doogie! Douglas, i can't understand why you're angry.
We caught the fish.
It's a good-sized critter, i might add.
You don't get it.
You don't get it.
I never wanted to come here in the first place.
What? I could be in palm Springs with Wanda, but I'm stuck out here freezing my butt listening to you talk to fish! I thought you liked these trips.
Well, I don't.
I'm tired of sleeping on the ground.
I'm tired of bird calls.
I'm tired of you giving me instructions like I'm a little boy.
I never realized you felt like this, Douglas.
I'm surprised you didn't say anything before this.
I tried, but you made me feel guilty when you gave me grandpa George's hat.
Well, believe me, Douglas, that was never my intention.
I know, dad.
Look, I've I've just grown out of these trips.
I'm sorry, but I don't want to be the great white hunter.
Maybe you should just keep grandpa George's hat.
Hello, please Can you help us? We were hiking.
My dad fell off an embankment.
He hit his head on a rock.
All right.
Good, good.
Lay him down right here.
Are you all right? Oh.
He may have a c-spine fracture.
Go in the tent and get a towel.
What's your name? Frank.
My name's David howser.
I'm a doctor.
Can you tell me what happened? UhUh Uh, the pathUh, fell.
My head.
Easy.
A-al? Alan? I'm right here, dad.
Frank, where are you from? Uh St.
Louis.
St.
Louis.
Dad, dad.
We're from San Diego.
Uh.
They're both equal.
I want you to squeeze my fingers as hard as you can.
He's very weak on the left side.
He may have a subdural hematoma.
Let's take him to the ranger station.
Use the blanket.
Easy, easy, easy.
THAT'S A NEGATIVE ON THE HELICOPTER.
THERE'S ANOTHER STORM MOVING IN.
WE'RE DISPATCHING AN AMBULANCE.
We'll await their arrival.
This is ranger station kme-22.
Out.
The roads are a mess here.
It'll take about two hours.
We can't wait that long.
He has signs of increased intracranial pressure.
We better be prepared.
Could you fill me in? He's bleeding in his head.
We may need to drill a hole to evacuate the blood.
Here? Do you have a drill? One in our tool shed.
Good, we'll need it.
Get a 1/2-inch drill bit.
We'll boil them to sterilize them.
We need a razor to shave his head.
Soap and water and two towels.
Do you have two forks? We'll use them as retractors.
Dr.
howser! He was lying here talking to me when he just passed out.
His right pupil's blown.
His breathing's getting shallow.
Where's your brother? He went to the car.
Son, your father has got blood causing pressure on his brain.
We've got to do a little surgery right away just to release that pressure.
Hurry up with that stuff.
Shouldn't we wait till we get him to the hospital? If we could we would.
Go wait in the car with your brother, o.
K.
? Dr.
howser? Is my father going to die? Not if we can help it.
Not if we can help it.
This is the best I've got.
Looks heavy.
It is.
There's Lidocaine in my bag.
You prep his scalp.
Let me handle the drill.
Yeah.
O.
K.
He went in right here.
Uh! Gross.
Stop.
That's disgusting.
You really drilled the guy's head? We had to.
I'm telling you, it was incredible.
You got a weird idea about what constitutes a good time.
Did you see Wanda? I bet she's got some mean tan lines.
Actually, i just talked to her.
She has no tan lines.
No tan lines? Aah! Aah! Promise not to tell anyone you had a good time.
Since my dad heard about it, he's talked about taking me someplace.
Last time we stayed at the Disneyland hotel.
He wore those ears with his name, carmine, on it, SINGINGIT'S SMALL WORLD.
I get the sweats just thinking about it.
I promise.
Dads can be weird, huh? Yeah.
See ya, doog.
Good night, vin.
Hi, dad.
I just spoke to frank Webster's boys.
Their father's fine.
No complications.
That's great.
It sure is.
Well Good night, son.
Dad? You were great out there.
We were great.
No, I couldn't have done what you did.
I mean, i know how to do it, but I couldn't have done it.
You're a great doctor, dad.
I see you found your grandfather's hat.
I was afraid I'd lost it.
If you don't mind, I'd like to keep it till I have a son to pass it down to.
Good night, Douglas.
Good night, dad.
Uh-huh.
And notice the gluteal line.
December is a very good month.
I know what you're saying, but look at July.
Amazing lateral rotators.
Don't try to get mine on a technicality.
If this looks that good in December, imagine what June will bring.
You're getting thrown by the snow effect.
Or the fact that she's only wearing a pair of earmuffs.
Doogie? Yeah, mom? These are fresh.
Put them away.
Thanks.
I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you know who would make an awesome October? I know.
Wanda.
Actually, i was referring to your mother.
Vinnie, that's gross! Noogie, noogie, noogie, noogie.
Hello? Hi, Wanda.
Nothing.
I'm just sitting around here with Vinnie.
I'm off the entire weekend.
I'm not even on call.
You're kidding.
Palm Springs? Your folks said it was o.
K.
? That's incredible! Yeah, yeah.
I'm sure it's o.
K.
Uh, so, I'll call you later.
And thanks.
Bye.
Yes! Score! What? What? I've been invited to spend three days in the Springs with Wanda and her family.
You're the luckiest guy on the planet! Three days in palm Springs.
Two nights in the city that invented the jacuzzi.
Wait a minute.
Oh, no.
THAT THE 1st, 2nd, AND 3rd.
That's when my dad schedules our annual weekend together.
He's your dad.
He sees you every day.
Just blow him off.
As a guy, he ought to understand.
He hasn't mentioned it for months.
He's usually into it.
Maybe he forgot.
Hi, son.
What are you doing with your three-day weekend? I'm invited to palm Springs with Wanda and her folks.
It's also the annual fishing trip weekend with my dad.
He lives for these trips.
I see your problem.
He ends up teaching me the same things he's taught me every year, constantly pointing out every bird and plant.
That's what dads do.
That's not the half of it.
He talks to fish.
Who does? Doogie's dad.
Is he seeing somebody about it? Wish my father took me fishing.
What are you saying, i shouldn't go to palm Springs? Someday your father will end up like Mr.
Martini here, and you'll regret not having spent as much time as you could have with him.
I never went fishing with my father.
I was always his little girl.
Then one day, he took me to a dodger game.
I threw up in the third inning.
He spent four innings trying to clean me up.
He never took me anywhere alone after that.
I don't think i can do it anymore.
He tells the same stories.
If I hear about how he caught the steelhead with salami again Go with your dad.
Have a good time.
For me.
Who caught a steelhead with a piece of salami? It's a long story.
His pop.
He wants to take him fishing, but the kid wants to go to palm Springs with his girlfriend Wendy.
Wanda.
He takes him every year.
The problem is the man raps with the fish.
Well, Douglas, there's something to be said for tradition.
I for my part have always felt that our priority lies with our families first.
My advice would be to go with your father.
He'll certainly appreciate it, and I think, in the long run, so will you.
Yo, Doug Take the woman to the desert.
You can always go fishing.
You sure you don't want pizza? I can't.
Mom made dinner.
I hate eating at home when grandpa comes over.
He's got this phlegm problem.
Oh.
Doogie.
Hi, dad.
Hi, Dr.
h.
Son, I stopped off at Eddie Bauer's this afternoon and picked up a few things for the trip.
Try it on and see if they fit.
Great, dad.
Vincent, you ever seen one of these? It's an antique fenwick.
Split bamboo.
They don't make them like this anymore.
That's quite a rod, Dr.
howser.
I'm telling you, vin, there comes a time in every kid's life when you realize your father's not this superhero.
That he's just another guy.
Nice ensemble, howser.
Take those off.
I wouldn't wear this stuff in public.
This is serious.
I'm running out of time.
Here's what you do.
You find one of your dad's patients and run over him-- Vinnie.
So that your dad has to work on him for the weekend.
O.
K.
, I got it.
It's perfect.
This better be good.
It's better than good.
You ready? Con your mother into going.
It'll never work.
It's a sure thing.
Remember when you broke your living room window? You broke our living room window.
Whatever.
We told your mom we found an injured Robin that smacked into the glass, and that we fixed its wing and it flew away.
There were tears in her eyes.
She ate it up.
She did, didn't she? You think she got a whole lot smarter since then? There's nothing like crystal lake in December.
The air is so fresh and clean.
It's so invigorating just being there.
I bet you'd really love it.
Well, hey, that's an idea.
You could use the time away from all this housework.
Why don't you go with dad and take my place? I wouldn't mind, just this once.
Not on your life.
Anyway, I suggested we use the leftover salami as bait.
Grandpa George said I was crazy, but no sooner had that salami hit the water, we got the largest strike we'd ever had.
That baby was jumping out of the water.
We'd never seen anything like it.
Dad thought it was a rainbow trout.
I said not a chance.
Only a walleye pike jumps like that.
Mom, please.
Douglas, there is no way I'm going fishing with your father.
I was not made for camping.
This body does not sleep on the ground.
It's dirty, it's cold, and it's dirty.
Besides, there are bugs and who knows what crawling around there.
Why do I have to go? You have the misfortune of being born a son.
I'm just not his little boy anymore.
I'm just going to tell him i don't want to go.
Dad.
Hmm? I need to talk to you.
It's about the trip.
Uh They've been a lot of fun.
Really Really great.
And we've been going a long time, huh? I'm 16 years old now.
I know, and I got something for you.
Can it wait? It'll take a minute.
Dad-- I was going to wait to do this at the lake.
But now is as good time as any.
Grandpa George gave me this hat when I turned 16.
And I'd always hoped that I would have a boy to pass it down to.
Here.
Try it on.
You're a great fishing companion, son.
Come on, Mr.
fish! Doesn't that look like a delicious little worm? Do you think talking to the fish will work? They're laughing at us.
It's a technique i picked up from your grandfather.
He was quite partial to using Hemingway short stories.
I remember one incident where The fish practically jumped into the boat.
Dad, I'm kind of getting hungry.
Isn't it about time we head on in? Whoa.
Whoa! O.
K.
! O.
K.
! O.
K.
! Here we go! Doogie, get the net! Get the net! A little more.
Here comes dinner! I Got it! Whoa! Go on.
Ow! Great! Great, dad.
Just great.
Hermit thrush.
Correct.
CATHARUS GUTTATUS, sometimes known as a swamp angel.
Some consider it the finest songster in north America.
Here.
Uh, here's one.
Red-breasted nut hatch, a small active bird whose migration is irregular and depends on corn-fed seeds.
Very good, Douglas.
You got them all this year.
So, um How are things with you and Wanda? Fine.
Well, she's a very sweet girl.
Very, uh Grown-up.
You know, there's nothing like this-- cooking our own dinner, enjoying the fresh air, having our little talks.
I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be right now.
Can you, doogie? Oil me.
All right, gang, it may not be eggs Benedict, but wouldn't a juicy worm make a nice way to start your day? Dad, it's almost 1.
Try the lunch menu.
They obviously didn't want breakfast.
Doogie, why don't you try old fenwick here? Huh? You might have a little better luck with this.
I doubt it.
Come on, o.
K.
? You've earned the right to handle this beauty.
O.
K.
Now remember what I showed you.
Nice and easy.
It's all in the wrist.
Just cast off your nose-- i know, dad.
And your release point is over the horizon.
Whoa! Whoa! I got one! Set the hook.
All right.
All right.
Easy.
Not too much tension.
I got it.
Very good! Hey, you're doing fine.
Let him have some line.
Loosen up the drag.
Here, here.
I can do it! Let me help you.
Doogie! Whoa! Doogie! Douglas, i can't understand why you're angry.
We caught the fish.
It's a good-sized critter, i might add.
You don't get it.
You don't get it.
I never wanted to come here in the first place.
What? I could be in palm Springs with Wanda, but I'm stuck out here freezing my butt listening to you talk to fish! I thought you liked these trips.
Well, I don't.
I'm tired of sleeping on the ground.
I'm tired of bird calls.
I'm tired of you giving me instructions like I'm a little boy.
I never realized you felt like this, Douglas.
I'm surprised you didn't say anything before this.
I tried, but you made me feel guilty when you gave me grandpa George's hat.
Well, believe me, Douglas, that was never my intention.
I know, dad.
Look, I've I've just grown out of these trips.
I'm sorry, but I don't want to be the great white hunter.
Maybe you should just keep grandpa George's hat.
Hello, please Can you help us? We were hiking.
My dad fell off an embankment.
He hit his head on a rock.
All right.
Good, good.
Lay him down right here.
Are you all right? Oh.
He may have a c-spine fracture.
Go in the tent and get a towel.
What's your name? Frank.
My name's David howser.
I'm a doctor.
Can you tell me what happened? UhUh Uh, the pathUh, fell.
My head.
Easy.
A-al? Alan? I'm right here, dad.
Frank, where are you from? Uh St.
Louis.
St.
Louis.
Dad, dad.
We're from San Diego.
Uh.
They're both equal.
I want you to squeeze my fingers as hard as you can.
He's very weak on the left side.
He may have a subdural hematoma.
Let's take him to the ranger station.
Use the blanket.
Easy, easy, easy.
THAT'S A NEGATIVE ON THE HELICOPTER.
THERE'S ANOTHER STORM MOVING IN.
WE'RE DISPATCHING AN AMBULANCE.
We'll await their arrival.
This is ranger station kme-22.
Out.
The roads are a mess here.
It'll take about two hours.
We can't wait that long.
He has signs of increased intracranial pressure.
We better be prepared.
Could you fill me in? He's bleeding in his head.
We may need to drill a hole to evacuate the blood.
Here? Do you have a drill? One in our tool shed.
Good, we'll need it.
Get a 1/2-inch drill bit.
We'll boil them to sterilize them.
We need a razor to shave his head.
Soap and water and two towels.
Do you have two forks? We'll use them as retractors.
Dr.
howser! He was lying here talking to me when he just passed out.
His right pupil's blown.
His breathing's getting shallow.
Where's your brother? He went to the car.
Son, your father has got blood causing pressure on his brain.
We've got to do a little surgery right away just to release that pressure.
Hurry up with that stuff.
Shouldn't we wait till we get him to the hospital? If we could we would.
Go wait in the car with your brother, o.
K.
? Dr.
howser? Is my father going to die? Not if we can help it.
Not if we can help it.
This is the best I've got.
Looks heavy.
It is.
There's Lidocaine in my bag.
You prep his scalp.
Let me handle the drill.
Yeah.
O.
K.
He went in right here.
Uh! Gross.
Stop.
That's disgusting.
You really drilled the guy's head? We had to.
I'm telling you, it was incredible.
You got a weird idea about what constitutes a good time.
Did you see Wanda? I bet she's got some mean tan lines.
Actually, i just talked to her.
She has no tan lines.
No tan lines? Aah! Aah! Promise not to tell anyone you had a good time.
Since my dad heard about it, he's talked about taking me someplace.
Last time we stayed at the Disneyland hotel.
He wore those ears with his name, carmine, on it, SINGINGIT'S SMALL WORLD.
I get the sweats just thinking about it.
I promise.
Dads can be weird, huh? Yeah.
See ya, doog.
Good night, vin.
Hi, dad.
I just spoke to frank Webster's boys.
Their father's fine.
No complications.
That's great.
It sure is.
Well Good night, son.
Dad? You were great out there.
We were great.
No, I couldn't have done what you did.
I mean, i know how to do it, but I couldn't have done it.
You're a great doctor, dad.
I see you found your grandfather's hat.
I was afraid I'd lost it.
If you don't mind, I'd like to keep it till I have a son to pass it down to.
Good night, Douglas.
Good night, dad.