Empty Nest (1988) s01e10 Episode Script

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on we share it all as life goes on oh, doctor, I'm so sorry little Tommy ruined your tie.
Oh, that's okay, dear.
We'll just wring this out, then we won't have to take a specimen.
Oh, I love her.
She's great.
Any more patients? Well, that was the last scheduled one, but Katie Taylor stopped by.
I told her to wait in your office.
Really? Little Katie Taylor? How wonderful.
Isn't that terrific? Hi, Dr.
Weston.
Oh, they lied to me.
They told me Katie was here.
You're not Katie.
This is Katie here.
Where? This is little Katie there.
Look at you.
Oh, it's always so good to see one of my graduates.
How is Dr.
stone? Not as much fun as you.
Oh, look at you.
Look at you.
How old are you now? - I'm 14.
- 14, gosh.
I remember you came in here in tears and wanted me to get rid of your freckles for you.
I told you freckles were god's little kisses.
You kicked me.
You were so cute.
Oh, look at you now.
I mean, you're just a beautiful young woman.
So what can I do for you dear? I want birth control pills.
Oh, birth birth birth control.
Oh, i Oh.
Really? You mean the The pill you The pill? The the no baby on board? That one? Uh, Katie dear, you're just a little girl.
You just said I was a woman, and I am.
I mean, I feel like one.
Uh, well, what do your parents think about this? Oh, yeah, like they're mature enough to know what this is all about.
They wouldn't even let me change my name to Tiffany.
One thing at a time here.
Um, I have to ask you a question now.
It's a rather personal question.
It's a rather delicate question.
You mean have I ever done it? The word "love" was gonna appear in my question, but yes.
No, I haven't, but it's a little embarrassing.
I feel left out because everybody else is doing it.
No, they're not.
I bet all of them have done it.
No, they have not.
Katie, I'm I'm very proud of you for coming here to talk to me about this, but your parents have to be part of this too.
I mean, please, talk to them.
I'll try.
Okay, now you'll call me, let me know what happened? What do I say to them? Just be completely honest with them.
I know your folks.
They're really nice, reasonable people.
Just tell them absolutely everything.
And it probably would not be a bad idea to start off with a joke.
Bye, Laverne.
Bye-bye, honey.
This has not been a good day for neckwear.
That girl's got you worried, doesn't she? How do you know? You're stirring your coffee with a thermometer.
Katie wants the pill.
Oh, lord.
Mm I just hope her folks are understanding.
How did you take it when your daughters came to you? If the subject ever comes up, I intend to be open-minded.
I don't know what to say into this thing.
It doesn't matter, daddy.
The whole point is to have a man's voice on my machine to discourage any obscene callers.
All right.
Where do you talk into this thing? Here.
Where it says "microphone.
" All right, all right, all right, all right, okay.
You've reached 555-3630.
We're probably out at target practice again.
That's okay.
Leave a message.
We'll get right back to you.
Okay, let's see how that sounds.
Okay, let's see how that sounds.
Why don't we take a break and go get some dinner? I can't tonight, but how about Tuesday? Tuesday's great.
Tuesday.
Tuesday is perfect for me.
Good, Tuesday, it's all set.
The three of us.
Tuesday.
Nice try, girls.
What? "What?" Tuesday, my anniversary, wedding anniversary, your mother's and mine.
I appreciate the thought, girls, but it's just another day.
If it were just another day, you would have dinner with us.
It's only your second anniversary without mom, and last year you went a little crazy.
Crazy? What crazy? Daddy, when we got here, you were sitting in the dark in front of the fireplace polishing all your shoes.
That's not crazy.
That's one of the five stages of grief.
There's denial, anger, shoe polishing, and a couple of other things.
Are you sure you don't want us to be with you? I am fine, dear.
It is okay.
I just don't want to go out and make some big deal about it.
Now, I'll celebrate my anniversary in my own, private way, and that's that.
Now Daddy, you get the door.
We'll figure this out.
Okay.
All right.
I'm coming.
Dreyfuss, there's a doorbell.
The doorbell, dreyfuss.
There's a stranger at the door.
Have the decency to bark.
Jeez.
Hi, uh, I got a delivery for, uh, Libby Weston.
Libby Weston? Uh, I'm Dr.
Weston.
I'll sign for it.
Uh, I'm sorry.
It's strict company policy.
Only the person whose name is on the parcel can sign for it.
Uh, she passed away.
All right, anybody then.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait.
Wait a minute.
This is something that Libby ordered.
This is over two years ago.
Yeah, sorry about the little delay.
I'll go get your parcel.
Who is it, daddy? I don't know, it's the strangest thing.
Your mother bought something two years ago.
They're just delivering it now.
Spooky.
We were just talking about mom, and now a package from her shows up.
All right, in here, guys.
Oh, it's an organ.
An organ? All right, do you want it anywhere in particular? Well, I really hadn't anticipated all right, anywhere.
Here you go.
Thanks.
By the way, uh, I couldn't help noticing, but you don't have no cable TV.
Yeah, that's right.
Listen, uh, 50 bucks, I'm up the pole, and it's hello, playboy channel.
Yeah, thanks, thanks, but no thanks.
- Good-bye.
- All right.
Now you bark? What is that? Sarcasm? I can't believe mom ordered this.
It's hysterical.
What was she thinking? Probably that she'd get it a whole lot sooner.
Daddy, don't do that.
They might not take it back.
Take it back? What are you talking about, take it back? It's your mother's.
I'm keeping it.
- You're kidding.
- No.
Good evening, all.
I'm back from my Caribbean cruise, and you're Out of orange juice.
Nice organ.
Boy, this takes me back to when I was a kid.
I was in the church choir.
I felt I'd get closer to god, and it was a great place to meet babes.
They threw me out after I organized a wet choir robe contest.
Forgive him.
He's a moron.
I get it.
I get it.
I know what this is all about.
What? The organ, why your mother bought an organ.
It was the night I proposed to her in central park.
Aw, memories.
I'm out of here.
I ran into a guy outside that's gonna hook up the playboy channel for me.
I talked him down to 85 bucks.
Ow! That's what this is.
That's what I was still in medical school, and the ritziest thing I could afford was the free ice skating rink.
They had an organist, so I tipped the guy a dollar to play everything from some enchanted evening to moonlight serenade, and then I guess my dollar must have run out just as I said, "will you marry me?" 'Cause he broke into how much is that doggie in the window? Your mother fell apart.
She just broke out laughing, and she was slipping and But she was saying, "yes, yes, yes," and I get up, and I grabbed her and hugged her, and it was such a great moment, except we caused a 25-skater pileup, and I ended up kissing some guy from New Jersey.
He was You've never told us that story before.
That's what she was gonna do with this.
She was gonna learn to play that song.
Well, that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna learn to play doggie in the window on this thing.
Oh, daddy, that is just so sweet.
Oh, and if I can learn to play it in six days, I can play it for our anniversary.
Oh, Libby.
Ah, what a great gift that'll be for her.
That's what your mother and I are gonna do together this year.
I don't think that's such a good idea.
Daddy, that's not the best way to spend your anniversary.
Sheet music.
I need sheet music.
There's got to be an all-night sheet music store open in Miami.
Remember daddy's shoe-polishing thing from last year? I have a feeling we'll be referring to that as the good old days.
Ha ha! Good morning, Laverne.
My, don't you look beautiful.
Is this leading to a pay cut? Forget I said it.
David barris' mono test was negative, and you have a hospital committee meeting tomorrow at 11:00.
Oh, yeah, some contractor called with an estimate of $8,500.
Well, that seems about right.
What's that all about? Well, I'm building a music room for the organ I just got.
Now I have to learn how to play it.
You got an organ? I play the organ.
I used to play professionally.
Really? I thought when you hired me you read my resume.
I'd be glad to give you lessons.
Oh, that I really would appreciate that.
Now, on a non-musical note, Katie Taylor's waiting for you in your office.
Okay.
Hi, Katie.
How are you? Well, I've been thinking about you a lot.
Did you have that talk with your folks? Yeah, and get this.
They said I could have the pill.
They they were amazed I hadn't had sex already.
Come on.
You can't lie to me.
I've given you shots in your tushy.
I can't talk to my parents about sex.
You don't understand.
You never had to go through anything like this.
Of course I did, dear.
Now, listen, it was very hard on us.
We had to control ourselves.
We had to rechannel all those energies, and many of us joined the army, which is basically how we won world war ii.
Dr.
Weston Oh, come on, Katie, dear.
Come on.
I know it's difficult to talk to parents, but what you don't realize is that they know you're becoming an adult.
Let them be part of that.
I thought you were gonna be more of a help.
I guess I came to the wrong place.
You came to the right place.
Great, so you're gonna give me the prescription? - What I am trying to say - Fine.
Uh, I'm gonna check the fuse box.
When I give a yell, try the organ again.
Oh, yeah, and, uh, try jacking it up a little this time, okay? All right, all right, all right.
All right, ready.
Ready.
Ready.
So what do you recommend? Arthur Murray.
Nah, I'm just ribbing ya.
No, what you nee is a revamped fuse box, an auxiliary generator, and a power line running to that organ room you're gonna build.
This is gonna cost you.
That's fine.
That's fine.
Hey, uh, can you work fast? Fast? I could rewire Las Vegas in an hour.
I'm exaggerating, of course.
Laverne, I'm so glad you're here.
Oh, me too.
Oh! Let me at that tune box.
Oh, Laverne, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this.
Okay, roll up your sleeves.
- Let's get to work.
- Okay.
Now, first, let me show you what we're aiming for.
Charge.
Oh, oh, that's real nice, Laverne, but could we play a real song? Are you kidding? Last time I played that, I brought 2,300 people to their feet.
Charge.
Uh, Laverne, you said you played professionally.
I did.
For the Arkansas travelers double "a" minor league baseball team.
I was their official organist.
Oh, really? Well, i look, I need you to teach me how much is that doggie in the window? Oh, that's so corny.
No, no, , here's a little ditty I used to play with runners on first and third.
Uh, Laverne Laverne.
Laverne.
I don't think this is gonna work out.
This Oh, you haven't heard the "no batter, no batter" song.
Uh, wait a minute.
Charge.
What are you trying to do, wake the dead? Oh, my god.
Sophia I'm sorry.
I didn't realize you could hear it, all the way down the street.
Hear it? It rearranged my liver spots.
I'd just fallen asleep.
I was dreaming I was in sicily eating the biggest meatball they ever made.
And then this meatball turned into a fastball, and it was coming directly toward my head.
I i do apologize, and we won't disturb you anymore.
Did I tell you I slept with babe Ruth? - No.
- Yeah.
In cooperstown they have his bat, his glove, and my underpants.
It's a very colorful neighborhood.
Daddy? I'm in here.
Daddy, why is there a huge spool of electrical cable in the yard? I'm so glad you're here.
I have some terrific news.
Does it have anything to do with the bald electrician in the garage singing, "money for nothing and your chicks for free"? I don't know.
I mean, it could be, could be.
Here, here, here, look.
Look at this.
These are the blueprints of the house.
Now, what do you see? Your room was bigger than mine.
No, no, no, no, over here, by the garage.
See the space? Extra, unused space.
Space that will be finally used for Music room.
Oh, no, maybe I really should have said Organ room! Okay, we gave her the bigger room because yours has the alcove.
No, daddy, it's not that.
It's just Don't you think you're going a little too far with this organ thing? I think Carol's right, daddy.
I don't understand you girls.
You know, for two years, the only thing I've heard from you is the word "hobby.
" "Daddy, you need a hobby.
Daddy, get a hobby.
" Well, I've got a hobby.
Organ playing.
Daddy, it's only two days till your anniversary.
How can I put this in a nice way? You're acting crazy again.
There is nothing crazy here.
Daddy, it's time to get rid of the organ.
I agree.
This is getting morbid.
Next thing you know you'll be sitting here, talking to mom all night.
Now, wait, hey.
You now listen to me.
I am not required to defend my actions to my children.
This is my house, this is my organ, and it's my anniversary, and that is the end of this discussion.
You got that? - Yes.
- We got it.
Come in, Katie.
Sit down.
All right.
Now I have written a prescription for the pill, and I'm putting it right there.
That's so great.
Thank you, Dr.
Weston.
Wait.
I have a few things I'd like to say, and when I'm finished, if you think you are adult enough, mature enough to have sex, then you can have it.
Now wait.
Katie, there's a lot more to sex than just sleeping with someone.
There's love, there's commitment, there's responsibility.
And the pill just takes care of the sleeping with someone part.
Now, you can't even have a mature conversation with your parents.
I don't think you're ready to have sex and handle all the things that are involved in that.
Now, do you really want that piece of paper? Yeah.
Thanks.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Katie, you have to talk to your parents here.
Now call them.
I will go with you, if that'll help, but you have to help too.
And you can start by showing me how adult you are by picking up that phone instead of that piece of paper.
Mom, can I bring a friend home for dinner? Thanks.
Bye.
That's a good girl.
Now, now Let's get to work on that opening joke.
I got it! I got it, I got it, I got it.
All right.
Ding-dong, dreyfuss.
Ding-dong.
Forget about it.
Just take the rest of the day off.
Hi.
Over there, guys.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait.
What are you doing? Ah, there was a slip-up.
We have to take the organ back.
What are you wait.
What are you talking about? This is mine.
Nope, we got the invoices mixed up.
This baby's supposed too down to sea world.
They got an otter down there who's going to play it.
What otter? Well, you My wife bought this.
This is mine.
No, no, this is what your wife ordered.
It's, uh, it's a jewelry box.
Oh, yeah, sorry about the chip on the lid.
You you idiots.
What how could you make such a huge, stupid mistake? Daddy, you're sending the organ back.
Thank god we got through to you.
It was a mistake.
A mistake? I learned the song.
I had it all ready for tomorrow night for the anniversary.
I could play all the chords.
I could go right through the whole thing.
It was gonna be this wonderful, special night.
Just me and all the memories.
I almost had it.
I was there.
I had the music.
And those morons, they take it away from me? They took your mother from me? What am I saying? Took your mother away from me? They took an organ.
An organ delivered by mistake.
It had nothing to do with her.
It wasn't hers.
It was It was all in my head.
Listen, girls, I am sorry.
I i don't know.
I guess I sounded crazy.
No.
Don't be silly.
What made me think I needed an organ to remind me of Of your mother? I mean, if I need anything to remind me of her, I can just look at the two of you.
Look, I tell you what now.
Listen, tomorrow night is the anniversary.
We spend it together, all right? We'll go to dinner.
I'll lay out my suit.
I'll shine up my shoes.
Forget the shoes.
We love you, daddy.
It's nice to have you back.
You too, baby.
It's good to be back.
What is this? Oh, ho, ho, ho.
Well, I like this.
How much is that