Felicity s01e10 Episode Script
Finally
Previously on "Felicity" As far as I'm concerned, your beautiful, symphony composing girlfriend can move to New York tomorrow.
It doesn't bother me.
And I'm not jealous, okay? Because even if I was, what difference does it make now? Because you and Hannah are like Dear Sally, okay, so we kissed.
There was kissing between me and Noel.
But neither of us knew what it meant.
Okay.
So what does this mean, exactly? I'm not sure.
It was after Thanksgiving.
Hannah had left.
It was that kind of moment in a relationship where you need to define what things are, you know? Well, that's what Noel said that he wanted to understand the parameters, the boundaries.
And just when we were about to figure things out You should get that.
No.
That's okay.
No.
Go ahead and answer it.
No.
What if it's Hannah? I don't want to I don't want to talk to Hannah.
I want to talk to you.
Hi.
It's Noel.
I'm sitting right next to my phone right now, screening this call.
I got to change that message.
Noel, it's Mom.
Pick up, please.
Hello? Mom? What's wrong? What? No M-Mom, calm down.
Mom Uncle Uncle Kenny? Uncle Kenny what, Mom? Was chicken truck.
Mom, that sentence doesn't make any sense.
- Uh, Uncle Kenny was chicken truck? - Should I leave? No, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, God.
He was on the turnpike? I thought the doctor said he shouldn't be driving.
My uncle was in an accident.
Is he okay? He drove into a chicken truck, so no.
It's sad.
He's got, uh, got necrophilia.
He sleeps with dead people? What? No.
No.
I mean, uh narcolepsy.
Yeah, I'm here, Mom.
What do the doctors say? Right.
He's in a coma.
This horrible thing happened to Noel's grandmother's brother, And Noel's dad, um, he works at this mill, and he'd already taken all of his sick leave.
Anyway, he couldn't go.
So Noel's mother asked him to go.
I'm so sorry about the timing of all of this.
Are you kidding? Come on.
Don't worry about me.
Just go take care of your family.
- Yeah, but I want to figure this out.
- I know, but go.
- We'll have plenty of time when you get back.
- Okay.
Um oh, while I'm gone, don't transfer to a different college.
I won't.
- Okay.
Or forget about your R.
A.
, who is me.
- I won't.
See, the correct answer is "I couldn't," but, yeah, we'll accept that one.
Charlie I want that floor calendar before I go, all right? What's the rush on the floor calendar? I didn't want to kiss you in public until we figure out what we are.
All right.
Oh, one more thing don't hook up with Ben while I'm gone.
I Okay.
Noel was only going to be gone for a few days.
But suddenly, a week and a half had passed.
How can you not be freaking out? Why should I be freaked out? I have to explain this to you? You guys made out.
He took off before you could even figure out what it all means.
Okay.
First of all, we didn't really make out.
And secondly, why can't it just be, you know like whatever it is? Because it's never whatever it is.
You know, there are basic questions Are you guys dating? I don't know.
Okay, let's just say you are.
Can you see other people? And what kind of expectations do you guys have? I I don't know! I'm I'm not sure.
Do you really want to be the rebound girl? Hey! I am not the rebound girl.
Come in! - Hey.
- Hey! What What happened? Oh, l-I, uh, I took the stairs.
- Was the elevator broken? - Hayýr.
I was just impatient.
Hi.
I left something in my room, and I will be back later.
- That wasn't real subtle.
- You're welcome.
Hi.
Hey.
So, uh, what happened with your uncle? Well, you know, He's gonna need a new tip, but, uh, he's gonna make a full recovery.
That's, like, that's great news.
That's why I ran up the stairs.
What? I'm so pissed at my uncle.
The The whole time I was in Florida, I spent so much time comforting everyone, you know, helping make unnecessary funeral arrangements, that I spent like seven minutes studying for finals.
Wow.
So you got a lot of work to do.
No.
No.
My educational future hangs in the balance.
Well, I mean, we're all stressed out.
Yeah, but it's worse for me, I mean, being an R.
A.
With with dorm meetings and and academic reports and advisees knocking on my door literally every hour, it's prevented me from being anything resembling an actual student.
So while I have this massive, unrealistic amount of work to do the only thing I want to do is hang out with you and kind of figure out what's going on.
But we probably wouldn't get much work done if we did.
No.
We would get no work done.
Zero work.
I think you're right.
So let's make a pact.
For the next three days We'll just avoid each other.
Entirely.
Okay.
And then, when finals are over, you and I can hang out on Friday, we can figure out whats what, then we can both go home for Christmas confident about our grades and our relationship whatever the hell it is.
That sounds like an incredible plan.
Okay.
Ben, you want to help me with this? No, not really.
Come on, man.
Get over here.
What is this? I've been wanting to do this thanks - Aah! for so many years.
Finals is the most intense period for college students.
For the next few days, they keep the library open What is the one thing desperate college students need to survive? I'm gonna say fruit.
It's genius, isn't it? I go around with a cooler filled with apples, bananas, oranges, right? How's your studying going? Crappy.
Thanks for asking.
You want some fruit? No.
I'm gonna go find somebody to study with.
All right.
Well, don't fail any of your classes, all right? I'm relying on you for your rent check.
That's just what I need more, uh, more pressure from the fruit guy.
Hey! You owe me a dollar.
All right.
Bye.
Two dollars.
Elena.
Hold on.
Elena.
Do you want me to fail my finals? I've got a whole memorization system going here.
You interrupt me, the system doesn't work.
Look at that guy over there.
So? So look at everyone else How stressed out everyone is.
Yeah.
It's finals.
Right.
So look at that guy.
What is the deal with that guy? Well, why don't you go over there and ask him so I can get back to my system? You're not going over there.
- Was I singing? - No.
Uh, no.
this is gonna sound really weird.
Um, I was just sitting over there, uh, watching you, and I was curious, um, only because everyone is so all-consumed, studying for finals, how you can be so content.
I'm on a strict regimen of antidepressants, which is actually something I wanted to talk to you about.
Me? Yeah.
I've been watching you, too.
I've I've seen you around.
You're always wearing sweaters.
I was gonna recommend Dr.
Carlyle.
He literally saved my life.
He's saving it right now.
Why were you gonna tell me? Because you seem a little intense.
Well, everyone's a little intense.
I mean, it's finals.
We're freaking out, all of us.
But I mean in general.
I think you could lighten up.
Lighten up? well, I mean, I want to.
I'm trying, but being at college is really hard at first.
Dr.
Carlyle can make it easy.
Here.
The lighter the pill, the lighter the mood.
Yeah.
No, thanks.
I think I'd rather just remain Drug free? Intense.
Come in.
Excuse me, Noel.
I need to get out of my linguistics final.
Get out of it? I have to write a Prolog program lexicon and principles of combination that parses embedded noun-phrase coordination Pauline, I never I never took linguistics, so using a string of nouns, coordinations, and quantifiers, and I'm not exactly sure what quantifiers are.
- Oh, damn it.
- What? L- I picked up the wrong bag.
What about faking a bomb threat? - Do you smell that? - What? Fourth of July.
Oh, that's Richard.
He's having a barbecue.
Where? In his room.
What the hell is this? Oh, hey, man.
You want a burger? - What? - Would you prefer a turkey frank? Did it ever cross your mind, Richard, that it might be against building code to have a cookout in in your dorm room? Relax, man.
It's cool.
It's safe.
Window's open.
It's safe No, it's not safe.
People die of indoor barbecues every day.
Do you Do you not think that I have studying to do, too? It It didn't cross my mind.
L- I got hungry.
Guess what! This isn't a typical human reaction to hunger, all right, h-having a barbecue inside.
I'm I'm reporting you to student council.
W Oh, come on, man.
"Oh, come on, man" nothing.
Look, I just had to buy a coffin for my uncle, who almost died, but didn't.
I picked up the wrong bag at the airport, I'm in a very emotionally taxing beginning of a relationship, and I'm in the midst of finals, which threaten my very existence as a student, so you "oh, come on, man.
" I'm reporting your barbecue.
Now, put it out! So how does your system work, exactly? Oh, first you mock the system, now you want the system.
I never mocked the system.
So hey, great news.
- I, uh, I took the wrong bag.
- What? At the airport, uh, I took the wrong bag.
Someone took mine, and I took theirs.
And here's the difference my bag had all my notebooks with all my notes from all my classes since the beginning of the year, and their bag had what appears to be select wardrobe items from a transvestite repertory company.
Oh, my God.
You lost all your notebooks? And I have I have three days to write, among other things, an essay exploring the themes of "Great Expectations.
" Can I have an M & M? One.
- Only because you're so messed up.
- Right.
You know what? I love "Great Expectations.
" Maybe I can help you.
Okay.
What uh, What about your work? I don't know.
I- I think I have time to do both.
Do you think we can work together? I mean, no personal, emotional stuff? Kissing? None until after finals.
You're saving my life.
Felicity: "I felt that I could bear no more and that I must run away.
" So it's it's like Dickens is saying that these kids are full of guilt, right? They're, like, totally terrified, living without any support or nurturing.
I mean, the parents are either incompetent or absent.
What are you doing? Do you use powder or something? Are you learning anything? Honestly, the way you smell, I'm forgetting things that I learned in high school.
Okay, maybe studying in a private cubicle isn't the best thing for us.
Have you given any thought to about about what you and I are? Okay, we can't just start talking about that, 'cause, you know Right.
- Oh, come on.
- What's going on? - What's going on? Does, uh, does anybody have the time? Almost 9:00.
Thanks.
Felicity: "I felt like one who was toiling home barefoot and whose wanderings had lasted many years.
" So the idea is that everyone has great expectations.
You know crazy dreams, visions of what our lives could be that make us do ridiculous things.
But, um, Dickens is saying that we can mature and grow out of them.
Noel.
Hey, we're here to study, okay? Not to flirt.
- So cut it out.
- I'm serious.
You've got to learn this Dickens.
'Cause I have my own work to do.
I don't care.
You haven't been listening to me at all, have you? Can you remember one theme from this book? Yeah.
that sacrifice and passion, even if it's unappreciated or taken for granted, um, in the end is meaningful and good.
Let's go up to the stacks.
And make out until finals are over? Just for, like, an hour.
So what are we here, just good friends making out or something else? What? Isn't he on our floor? Hey, Richard.
Hey.
You're the R.
A.
You're not supposed to be kissing a student.
We weren't exactly kissing.
I'm gonna report you.
Richard, wait.
I'm gonna report your ass! Wait.
Wait a second.
Hold on.
Hey, will you will you come back here? Richard! Noel? - Sean: Fresh fruit? - Woman: No.
You guys want some fruit? I got fresh fruit.
- Man: No.
- No? Nature's candy right here.
No? Someone could use a banana.
Am I right? No? Fresh fruit? You want Hey.
You know Ben, right? I don't need any fruit.
Do you know what happens to a body when it's denied vitamin C? Do you know what happens to a man whose ass I kick? Hey, one apple, one dollar.
One answer no.
Well, if you're gonna eat that candy all night, you're gonna get a real sugar low in about an hour.
H- Have you seen Noel anywhere? I have all his stuff.
Hi.
You want some fruit? Excuse me? Are you aware of the connection between vitamin C and infertility? Uh, I don't want to get pregnant.
I just want to pass my finals.
Oh, I just I can't believe how much work I have to do.
All right.
If you don't want to have kids.
No, l-I haven't seen Noel.
So what, you guys boning it or not? As if I would tell you if there was any boning involved.
My God.
Hey.
Okay, I know what I'm about to do here is really stupid, but I need your help.
I'm lost.
We have a a final on poems I don't understand.
- What, the Keats? - Yeah.
Please don't say, "the Keats," like it's the easiest stuff in the world.
Okay, have you read, uh, "The Eve of St.
Agnes"? It's a good one.
Yeah.
Could that poem be any longer? I mean, I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I'm not a moron.
Okay, it's it's about the feast of St.
Agnes you know, the young virgin who performs some weird ritual the night before the Saints' day and she's granted a vision of her future husband? Really? I'm trying to do my system here.
Felicity, you owe me this.
After what happened with that essay, my grade's really in trouble.
If I don't get at least a "B" on this final, I get a "D" in the class.
I need your help.
Please.
Okay.
I- I'll do it.
Yeah? Yeah.
Okay.
'Cause I just, um, I saw you studying with Noel.
He won't mind? Oh, no.
Of course not.
I mean, not at all.
I will, uh, I'll meet you in the lounge in 20 minutes? Okay.
Thank you.
Thanks very much.
You have time to help someone else, and Noel won't mind you working with Ben I don't believe either of those.
No.
Me neither.
One.
Richard! Richard, wait.
I've been looking all over for you.
You disappeared.
Yeah, it doesn't feel good, does it being reported? - You didn't You didn't do it yet, did you? - Not yet.
Not yet.
Good.
Okay.
Well, don't.
Well, did you report me and my barbecue? You did, didn't you? - Look, it's my job.
- Is it your job to feel up your advisees? No.
That part's not my job.
But me kissing a student isn't half as dangerous as you lighting a a mini-barbecue next to your dresser.
Don't take the Clinton defense with me.
If you break a rule, you break a rule.
And now I'm gonna go buy a hamburger, because I'm not allowed to make them myself.
Please don't report me.
- I'm still trying to decide.
- Decide what? Whether or not I think you're fit to be an R.
A.
Hey, have you seen Felicity? Why don't you two put LoJacks on each other? Yeah, okay.
Um, we'll do that.
Have you seen her? She's working with Ben.
Look, you don't have to pretend that this doesn't rip you to shreds.
Hey it doesn't rip me to shreds.
You know, I'm I'm much more of a man than you give me credit for.
Whatever.
Look, she was looking for you, but then you disappeared.
Ben was desperate, and she said if I saw you to tell you that she would leave a message for you on your answering machine.
Yeah.
"Was it a vision or a waking dream? "Fled is that music do I wake or sleep?" So, like with "Ode on a Grecian Urn," it's about contradiction that, you know, um, fantasy and dreams can distract you from your painful reality.
And you get all this just from reading it? You don't even have to figure it out? Poetry is the greatest.
Well, pizza's the greatest.
When you read poetry Sorry.
It's a nervous reaction.
Whenever I get stressed out Right.
Right.
Okay.
Try holding your breath for as long as you can, and then when you can't told that anymore, take another deep breath and hold that for as long as you can.
Okay.
So, when are you going home for Christmas? Uh, Saturday morning.
Oh, yeah.
So am I.
Do you want to, uh, share a ride to the airport? Sure.
Yeah.
Okay.
Is Noel going with you? - What, to Palo Alto? - Yeah.
No.
Why? No.
I was just I was just curious.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
- No luck.
- Have you tried drinking water from the opposite side of the glass? Oh, uh, yeah.
That That never works for me.
How about, uh, um, breathing into a paper bag? No.
Okay, you know what always works for me? Holding a penny between my toes and thinking of three bald men.
Um, I mean, they don't they don't have to be bald.
Great.
Then I'll just think of me and two other guys.
Yeah.
Technically, that would work.
Uh, do you want to go to the reserve reading room? - It's probably quieter there.
- Yeah.
You have one new message.
Felicity: Noel, where the hell are you? Listen, um, Ben needs some help with poetry, and you know how I screwed him up with the essay thing.
- Fruit? - So I'm gonna work with him for an hour.
I should be in the library lounge.
Come find me or leave a message on my machine.
- Fruit? - I'll see you later.
Want some fruit? Fruit.
I got fresh fruit.
Bananas, apples.
Hey, you want a banana? You look like you could use Fruit? No? You sure? Hey.
You're selling fruit? Yeah.
Well, I'm trying to.
What are you doing? Economics final.
I'm supposed to give examples of supply-and-demand analysis.
You want to do it for me? No, thanks.
I got my own mountain to climb here.
A fruit mountain.
You know, supply-and-demand analysis, that's my, uh, specialty.
Yeah, I went to Harvard.
Not the business school or undergrad.
It was like a summer program.
But I learned all that stuff theory, policy issues, income distribution, economic growth, problems in international trade all that stuff.
So why are you selling fruit? Uh, it's tasty.
It's good for you.
- That's a stupid thing to sell.
- No, it's not.
How much are you charging for this? A dollar.
A dollar? Like anybody would actually fall for that.
Excuse me.
Would you like to buy an orange for a dollar? Sure.
Thanks.
Hey, has Felicity been in here? I don't think so.
Everyone I've seen has been pretty well dressed.
Damn it.
What's your problem? Wow.
Well, um, I don't know where to begin.
Hey, if you're actually gonna answer that question, could you not? See, she sort of left me hanging.
I mean, Felicity was supposed to help me study, and Never mind.
You need smart powder.
Smart powder.
How do you think I maintain any kind of social lif - and get sustainable grades? - Um I guess I figured you just maintained the social life.
It's a blend of herbs and minerals, extracts and roots.
It's all organic.
Two teaspoons of this in water gives you a photographic memory.
No, it doesn't.
Okay.
Where do you get it? A little shop on Warren Street.
Or I could sell you some for 10 bucks.
- Come on.
Come on.
- Okay, you don't want a banana.
How about a red apple? That'll be two bucks.
Yes! - Bye.
- Oh, yes.
Come home to Papa.
I feel so guilty.
I just sold that guy an apple for two bucks.
I can't believe you.
I mean, it's perfect, right? Beautiful girl selling fruit.
Goes back to the Bible.
Okay, I did my part.
Now teach me about basic microeconomic principles.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I still see an apple and a banana in here.
Come on.
- And get four bucks if you can.
- Whatever.
* Workin' elves never stoppin' * * Never stoppin' * - * the man is hoppin' * - * the man is hoppin' * - * In his nice red zoot suit * - * Nice red zoot suit * - * And his Christmas boots * - * Christmas boots * - * Double-checking' all things * - * Checking' all things * * Hey, cats, don't you know Santa swings? * * Santa Swings, he's flyin' high * * You'd better not pout and you'd better not cry * * Santa swings, he'll be cuttin' a rug * - * Workin' elves never stoppin' * - * Never stoppin' * - * the man is hoppin' * - * the man is hoppin' * - * In his nice red zoot suit * - * Nice red zoot suit * - * And his Christmas boots * - * Christmas boots * - Hey! - * Double-checking' all things * you still haven't seen Felicity, have you? - What the hell are you on? - On? What am I on? I'm not My God, you look so small just sitting there! - A-And you're sweating.
- Of course I'm sweating.
I mean, you'd be sweating, too, if you were me.
Of course you would be.
'Cause then you'd be me and you'd be sweating.
Is it cold in here? - No.
- Right.
Look, I'm I'm a little scared.
You're a future doctor, right? Does my heartbeat seem fast to you? That can't be your heart.
Hey, hey, I got a question for you.
- * Candy cane makers * - You look sick.
- Mm-hmm.
Were there beets in that powder? I don't know.
Guy said there were roots in there.
Roots.
'Cause 'Cause l-I get a kind of reaction to beets.
- What happens? - this happens.
I- I get a little hyper.
I get a little hyper.
It's Okay, well, you're gonna get real hyper, 'cause that powder's concentrated, like 200%.
- * You better not pout * - Stop talking so slowly! * And you better not cry * * Santa swings, hes flyin' high * * You'd better not pout and you'd better not cry * * And all the toys sing, "Hey" * - * Ain't nothin' but a roof top * - * Nothin' but a roof top * * Merry Christmas to all and the joy that it brings * - * Hey, world, don't you know Santa swings? * * Santa swings, hes flyin' high * * You'd better not pout and you'd better not cry * - Thanks.
- You're welcome.
Hey.
You know, I'm I'm not very hungry.
I'm fine.
Well, you need some food in your system.
I'm not really the biggest fan of of warm milk.
Just drink it.
You know, I didn't, uh, I-I didn't mean to freak out like that.
It was just that damn smart powder.
I understand.
I was on the track team in high school, and some of those guys would drink power shakes, you know, for energy, and, uh, some of them would have weird reactions like this, so - Yeah? - Yeah.
But some food and some warm milk should do the trick.
This is very nice of you.
Don't worry about it.
You should know that she likes you.
You think? Yeah.
No.
Yes.
Come on.
I mean, we all know you're the one.
You're the the prize, the the unrequited nightmare.
It's just the way it is.
Well, I'm telling you Felicity was talking all about you.
Uh, when you say, you know, "all about you," what what does that mean? Uh, she said that you were her best friend and that you were one of the most levelheaded guys she knows.
Well, that's sexy.
Look, she likes you.
She told me.
Well, uh, was that, like like, just before l - I burst in the room like a psychopath? About three seconds.
Yeah.
I'm sure she thinks I'm a freak.
Well, I'm sure she doesn't.
Noel was such a freak.
You should've seen him.
It was insane.
Anyway, finals were starting the next day, and I just knew for three days I would be in hell.
thank God for Elena.
She offered me the secrets of her system.
My first college finals experience went by in a blur.
the amazing thing was that in this one concentrated place for this one concentrated time, everyone people I knew, people I didn't know everyone was working so hard.
The weirdest part is that in those crazy three days, I didn't see Noel once.
Hi.
Uh, this is probably against all the rules, and just say no if you need to, but, um, is there any way I can go to the bathroom? Technically, no, but, uh you're cute.
Ew.
Forget it.
I don't want to go.
I'm kidding.
Just, uh, give me your essay while you're gone.
Thanks.
Hi.
I'm kind of in the middle of something.
My uncle died.
Yeah, he, uh, he took a turn for the worse and then, you know, a turn for the worst.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
But I wanted to see you because I'm leaving today.
Today? Yeah, and also to apologize for that insane outburst earlier.
I I heard about the smart powder.
Yeah.
Don't ever eat anything Meghan gives you forever.
It might kill you.
So, God, what time do you leave? My flight's in two hours.
Look, I wanted to I wanted to see you because I was so panicked, uh, about figuring out what we are, about defining it like it was some kind of temporary, fleeting lucky thing.
You know, I was I was so afraid that if we didn't figure out what was going on between you and me before we left for Christmas that it might be gone when we got back.
But that's stupid because you and I are more than just a a passing opportunity.
You know, we don't need to rush what we are, even if that means suffering through a month knowing that you're in the same city as Ben.
Look, whatever we are, I love what we are.
And we can figure it out in January.
How did that, uh, "Great Expectations" thing go? I feel really good about that paper.
That powder might've made me a little crazy, but, uh I think it worked.
So I'll see you next year? Yeah.
Like I said, it was it was a blur.
And before I knew it finals were over.
Hello.
Hi.
It's Felicity.
Hey.
Hey, what's up? So I'm gonna leave for the airport in about an hour, and I just, um Well, do you still want to share a cab? Yeah.
Um I'm not going back.
Why? I don't know.
I just decided to hang out, um stay in New York instead, see what this place looks like, you know.
With snow? Yeah.
Okay.
Uh, well I'll I'll just see you when I get back, then.
Yeah.
Okay.
You have fun.
Bye.
Sally: Dear Felicity, for some reason, in the past few months, I've become a real believer in not defining every single thing.
Seems like every time you think you've figured out what something is, it just becomes something else.
My first Christmas at college was incredibly strange.
I remember leaving Brown really excited to get home.
I got back to California, and I was with my parents in the house I grew up in.
I just remember lying in bed feeling homesick.
I hope everything works out with you and Noel.
I have hope.
And I wish you both, a merry Christmas.
It doesn't bother me.
And I'm not jealous, okay? Because even if I was, what difference does it make now? Because you and Hannah are like Dear Sally, okay, so we kissed.
There was kissing between me and Noel.
But neither of us knew what it meant.
Okay.
So what does this mean, exactly? I'm not sure.
It was after Thanksgiving.
Hannah had left.
It was that kind of moment in a relationship where you need to define what things are, you know? Well, that's what Noel said that he wanted to understand the parameters, the boundaries.
And just when we were about to figure things out You should get that.
No.
That's okay.
No.
Go ahead and answer it.
No.
What if it's Hannah? I don't want to I don't want to talk to Hannah.
I want to talk to you.
Hi.
It's Noel.
I'm sitting right next to my phone right now, screening this call.
I got to change that message.
Noel, it's Mom.
Pick up, please.
Hello? Mom? What's wrong? What? No M-Mom, calm down.
Mom Uncle Uncle Kenny? Uncle Kenny what, Mom? Was chicken truck.
Mom, that sentence doesn't make any sense.
- Uh, Uncle Kenny was chicken truck? - Should I leave? No, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, God.
He was on the turnpike? I thought the doctor said he shouldn't be driving.
My uncle was in an accident.
Is he okay? He drove into a chicken truck, so no.
It's sad.
He's got, uh, got necrophilia.
He sleeps with dead people? What? No.
No.
I mean, uh narcolepsy.
Yeah, I'm here, Mom.
What do the doctors say? Right.
He's in a coma.
This horrible thing happened to Noel's grandmother's brother, And Noel's dad, um, he works at this mill, and he'd already taken all of his sick leave.
Anyway, he couldn't go.
So Noel's mother asked him to go.
I'm so sorry about the timing of all of this.
Are you kidding? Come on.
Don't worry about me.
Just go take care of your family.
- Yeah, but I want to figure this out.
- I know, but go.
- We'll have plenty of time when you get back.
- Okay.
Um oh, while I'm gone, don't transfer to a different college.
I won't.
- Okay.
Or forget about your R.
A.
, who is me.
- I won't.
See, the correct answer is "I couldn't," but, yeah, we'll accept that one.
Charlie I want that floor calendar before I go, all right? What's the rush on the floor calendar? I didn't want to kiss you in public until we figure out what we are.
All right.
Oh, one more thing don't hook up with Ben while I'm gone.
I Okay.
Noel was only going to be gone for a few days.
But suddenly, a week and a half had passed.
How can you not be freaking out? Why should I be freaked out? I have to explain this to you? You guys made out.
He took off before you could even figure out what it all means.
Okay.
First of all, we didn't really make out.
And secondly, why can't it just be, you know like whatever it is? Because it's never whatever it is.
You know, there are basic questions Are you guys dating? I don't know.
Okay, let's just say you are.
Can you see other people? And what kind of expectations do you guys have? I I don't know! I'm I'm not sure.
Do you really want to be the rebound girl? Hey! I am not the rebound girl.
Come in! - Hey.
- Hey! What What happened? Oh, l-I, uh, I took the stairs.
- Was the elevator broken? - Hayýr.
I was just impatient.
Hi.
I left something in my room, and I will be back later.
- That wasn't real subtle.
- You're welcome.
Hi.
Hey.
So, uh, what happened with your uncle? Well, you know, He's gonna need a new tip, but, uh, he's gonna make a full recovery.
That's, like, that's great news.
That's why I ran up the stairs.
What? I'm so pissed at my uncle.
The The whole time I was in Florida, I spent so much time comforting everyone, you know, helping make unnecessary funeral arrangements, that I spent like seven minutes studying for finals.
Wow.
So you got a lot of work to do.
No.
No.
My educational future hangs in the balance.
Well, I mean, we're all stressed out.
Yeah, but it's worse for me, I mean, being an R.
A.
With with dorm meetings and and academic reports and advisees knocking on my door literally every hour, it's prevented me from being anything resembling an actual student.
So while I have this massive, unrealistic amount of work to do the only thing I want to do is hang out with you and kind of figure out what's going on.
But we probably wouldn't get much work done if we did.
No.
We would get no work done.
Zero work.
I think you're right.
So let's make a pact.
For the next three days We'll just avoid each other.
Entirely.
Okay.
And then, when finals are over, you and I can hang out on Friday, we can figure out whats what, then we can both go home for Christmas confident about our grades and our relationship whatever the hell it is.
That sounds like an incredible plan.
Okay.
Ben, you want to help me with this? No, not really.
Come on, man.
Get over here.
What is this? I've been wanting to do this thanks - Aah! for so many years.
Finals is the most intense period for college students.
For the next few days, they keep the library open What is the one thing desperate college students need to survive? I'm gonna say fruit.
It's genius, isn't it? I go around with a cooler filled with apples, bananas, oranges, right? How's your studying going? Crappy.
Thanks for asking.
You want some fruit? No.
I'm gonna go find somebody to study with.
All right.
Well, don't fail any of your classes, all right? I'm relying on you for your rent check.
That's just what I need more, uh, more pressure from the fruit guy.
Hey! You owe me a dollar.
All right.
Bye.
Two dollars.
Elena.
Hold on.
Elena.
Do you want me to fail my finals? I've got a whole memorization system going here.
You interrupt me, the system doesn't work.
Look at that guy over there.
So? So look at everyone else How stressed out everyone is.
Yeah.
It's finals.
Right.
So look at that guy.
What is the deal with that guy? Well, why don't you go over there and ask him so I can get back to my system? You're not going over there.
- Was I singing? - No.
Uh, no.
this is gonna sound really weird.
Um, I was just sitting over there, uh, watching you, and I was curious, um, only because everyone is so all-consumed, studying for finals, how you can be so content.
I'm on a strict regimen of antidepressants, which is actually something I wanted to talk to you about.
Me? Yeah.
I've been watching you, too.
I've I've seen you around.
You're always wearing sweaters.
I was gonna recommend Dr.
Carlyle.
He literally saved my life.
He's saving it right now.
Why were you gonna tell me? Because you seem a little intense.
Well, everyone's a little intense.
I mean, it's finals.
We're freaking out, all of us.
But I mean in general.
I think you could lighten up.
Lighten up? well, I mean, I want to.
I'm trying, but being at college is really hard at first.
Dr.
Carlyle can make it easy.
Here.
The lighter the pill, the lighter the mood.
Yeah.
No, thanks.
I think I'd rather just remain Drug free? Intense.
Come in.
Excuse me, Noel.
I need to get out of my linguistics final.
Get out of it? I have to write a Prolog program lexicon and principles of combination that parses embedded noun-phrase coordination Pauline, I never I never took linguistics, so using a string of nouns, coordinations, and quantifiers, and I'm not exactly sure what quantifiers are.
- Oh, damn it.
- What? L- I picked up the wrong bag.
What about faking a bomb threat? - Do you smell that? - What? Fourth of July.
Oh, that's Richard.
He's having a barbecue.
Where? In his room.
What the hell is this? Oh, hey, man.
You want a burger? - What? - Would you prefer a turkey frank? Did it ever cross your mind, Richard, that it might be against building code to have a cookout in in your dorm room? Relax, man.
It's cool.
It's safe.
Window's open.
It's safe No, it's not safe.
People die of indoor barbecues every day.
Do you Do you not think that I have studying to do, too? It It didn't cross my mind.
L- I got hungry.
Guess what! This isn't a typical human reaction to hunger, all right, h-having a barbecue inside.
I'm I'm reporting you to student council.
W Oh, come on, man.
"Oh, come on, man" nothing.
Look, I just had to buy a coffin for my uncle, who almost died, but didn't.
I picked up the wrong bag at the airport, I'm in a very emotionally taxing beginning of a relationship, and I'm in the midst of finals, which threaten my very existence as a student, so you "oh, come on, man.
" I'm reporting your barbecue.
Now, put it out! So how does your system work, exactly? Oh, first you mock the system, now you want the system.
I never mocked the system.
So hey, great news.
- I, uh, I took the wrong bag.
- What? At the airport, uh, I took the wrong bag.
Someone took mine, and I took theirs.
And here's the difference my bag had all my notebooks with all my notes from all my classes since the beginning of the year, and their bag had what appears to be select wardrobe items from a transvestite repertory company.
Oh, my God.
You lost all your notebooks? And I have I have three days to write, among other things, an essay exploring the themes of "Great Expectations.
" Can I have an M & M? One.
- Only because you're so messed up.
- Right.
You know what? I love "Great Expectations.
" Maybe I can help you.
Okay.
What uh, What about your work? I don't know.
I- I think I have time to do both.
Do you think we can work together? I mean, no personal, emotional stuff? Kissing? None until after finals.
You're saving my life.
Felicity: "I felt that I could bear no more and that I must run away.
" So it's it's like Dickens is saying that these kids are full of guilt, right? They're, like, totally terrified, living without any support or nurturing.
I mean, the parents are either incompetent or absent.
What are you doing? Do you use powder or something? Are you learning anything? Honestly, the way you smell, I'm forgetting things that I learned in high school.
Okay, maybe studying in a private cubicle isn't the best thing for us.
Have you given any thought to about about what you and I are? Okay, we can't just start talking about that, 'cause, you know Right.
- Oh, come on.
- What's going on? - What's going on? Does, uh, does anybody have the time? Almost 9:00.
Thanks.
Felicity: "I felt like one who was toiling home barefoot and whose wanderings had lasted many years.
" So the idea is that everyone has great expectations.
You know crazy dreams, visions of what our lives could be that make us do ridiculous things.
But, um, Dickens is saying that we can mature and grow out of them.
Noel.
Hey, we're here to study, okay? Not to flirt.
- So cut it out.
- I'm serious.
You've got to learn this Dickens.
'Cause I have my own work to do.
I don't care.
You haven't been listening to me at all, have you? Can you remember one theme from this book? Yeah.
that sacrifice and passion, even if it's unappreciated or taken for granted, um, in the end is meaningful and good.
Let's go up to the stacks.
And make out until finals are over? Just for, like, an hour.
So what are we here, just good friends making out or something else? What? Isn't he on our floor? Hey, Richard.
Hey.
You're the R.
A.
You're not supposed to be kissing a student.
We weren't exactly kissing.
I'm gonna report you.
Richard, wait.
I'm gonna report your ass! Wait.
Wait a second.
Hold on.
Hey, will you will you come back here? Richard! Noel? - Sean: Fresh fruit? - Woman: No.
You guys want some fruit? I got fresh fruit.
- Man: No.
- No? Nature's candy right here.
No? Someone could use a banana.
Am I right? No? Fresh fruit? You want Hey.
You know Ben, right? I don't need any fruit.
Do you know what happens to a body when it's denied vitamin C? Do you know what happens to a man whose ass I kick? Hey, one apple, one dollar.
One answer no.
Well, if you're gonna eat that candy all night, you're gonna get a real sugar low in about an hour.
H- Have you seen Noel anywhere? I have all his stuff.
Hi.
You want some fruit? Excuse me? Are you aware of the connection between vitamin C and infertility? Uh, I don't want to get pregnant.
I just want to pass my finals.
Oh, I just I can't believe how much work I have to do.
All right.
If you don't want to have kids.
No, l-I haven't seen Noel.
So what, you guys boning it or not? As if I would tell you if there was any boning involved.
My God.
Hey.
Okay, I know what I'm about to do here is really stupid, but I need your help.
I'm lost.
We have a a final on poems I don't understand.
- What, the Keats? - Yeah.
Please don't say, "the Keats," like it's the easiest stuff in the world.
Okay, have you read, uh, "The Eve of St.
Agnes"? It's a good one.
Yeah.
Could that poem be any longer? I mean, I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I'm not a moron.
Okay, it's it's about the feast of St.
Agnes you know, the young virgin who performs some weird ritual the night before the Saints' day and she's granted a vision of her future husband? Really? I'm trying to do my system here.
Felicity, you owe me this.
After what happened with that essay, my grade's really in trouble.
If I don't get at least a "B" on this final, I get a "D" in the class.
I need your help.
Please.
Okay.
I- I'll do it.
Yeah? Yeah.
Okay.
'Cause I just, um, I saw you studying with Noel.
He won't mind? Oh, no.
Of course not.
I mean, not at all.
I will, uh, I'll meet you in the lounge in 20 minutes? Okay.
Thank you.
Thanks very much.
You have time to help someone else, and Noel won't mind you working with Ben I don't believe either of those.
No.
Me neither.
One.
Richard! Richard, wait.
I've been looking all over for you.
You disappeared.
Yeah, it doesn't feel good, does it being reported? - You didn't You didn't do it yet, did you? - Not yet.
Not yet.
Good.
Okay.
Well, don't.
Well, did you report me and my barbecue? You did, didn't you? - Look, it's my job.
- Is it your job to feel up your advisees? No.
That part's not my job.
But me kissing a student isn't half as dangerous as you lighting a a mini-barbecue next to your dresser.
Don't take the Clinton defense with me.
If you break a rule, you break a rule.
And now I'm gonna go buy a hamburger, because I'm not allowed to make them myself.
Please don't report me.
- I'm still trying to decide.
- Decide what? Whether or not I think you're fit to be an R.
A.
Hey, have you seen Felicity? Why don't you two put LoJacks on each other? Yeah, okay.
Um, we'll do that.
Have you seen her? She's working with Ben.
Look, you don't have to pretend that this doesn't rip you to shreds.
Hey it doesn't rip me to shreds.
You know, I'm I'm much more of a man than you give me credit for.
Whatever.
Look, she was looking for you, but then you disappeared.
Ben was desperate, and she said if I saw you to tell you that she would leave a message for you on your answering machine.
Yeah.
"Was it a vision or a waking dream? "Fled is that music do I wake or sleep?" So, like with "Ode on a Grecian Urn," it's about contradiction that, you know, um, fantasy and dreams can distract you from your painful reality.
And you get all this just from reading it? You don't even have to figure it out? Poetry is the greatest.
Well, pizza's the greatest.
When you read poetry Sorry.
It's a nervous reaction.
Whenever I get stressed out Right.
Right.
Okay.
Try holding your breath for as long as you can, and then when you can't told that anymore, take another deep breath and hold that for as long as you can.
Okay.
So, when are you going home for Christmas? Uh, Saturday morning.
Oh, yeah.
So am I.
Do you want to, uh, share a ride to the airport? Sure.
Yeah.
Okay.
Is Noel going with you? - What, to Palo Alto? - Yeah.
No.
Why? No.
I was just I was just curious.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
- No luck.
- Have you tried drinking water from the opposite side of the glass? Oh, uh, yeah.
That That never works for me.
How about, uh, um, breathing into a paper bag? No.
Okay, you know what always works for me? Holding a penny between my toes and thinking of three bald men.
Um, I mean, they don't they don't have to be bald.
Great.
Then I'll just think of me and two other guys.
Yeah.
Technically, that would work.
Uh, do you want to go to the reserve reading room? - It's probably quieter there.
- Yeah.
You have one new message.
Felicity: Noel, where the hell are you? Listen, um, Ben needs some help with poetry, and you know how I screwed him up with the essay thing.
- Fruit? - So I'm gonna work with him for an hour.
I should be in the library lounge.
Come find me or leave a message on my machine.
- Fruit? - I'll see you later.
Want some fruit? Fruit.
I got fresh fruit.
Bananas, apples.
Hey, you want a banana? You look like you could use Fruit? No? You sure? Hey.
You're selling fruit? Yeah.
Well, I'm trying to.
What are you doing? Economics final.
I'm supposed to give examples of supply-and-demand analysis.
You want to do it for me? No, thanks.
I got my own mountain to climb here.
A fruit mountain.
You know, supply-and-demand analysis, that's my, uh, specialty.
Yeah, I went to Harvard.
Not the business school or undergrad.
It was like a summer program.
But I learned all that stuff theory, policy issues, income distribution, economic growth, problems in international trade all that stuff.
So why are you selling fruit? Uh, it's tasty.
It's good for you.
- That's a stupid thing to sell.
- No, it's not.
How much are you charging for this? A dollar.
A dollar? Like anybody would actually fall for that.
Excuse me.
Would you like to buy an orange for a dollar? Sure.
Thanks.
Hey, has Felicity been in here? I don't think so.
Everyone I've seen has been pretty well dressed.
Damn it.
What's your problem? Wow.
Well, um, I don't know where to begin.
Hey, if you're actually gonna answer that question, could you not? See, she sort of left me hanging.
I mean, Felicity was supposed to help me study, and Never mind.
You need smart powder.
Smart powder.
How do you think I maintain any kind of social lif - and get sustainable grades? - Um I guess I figured you just maintained the social life.
It's a blend of herbs and minerals, extracts and roots.
It's all organic.
Two teaspoons of this in water gives you a photographic memory.
No, it doesn't.
Okay.
Where do you get it? A little shop on Warren Street.
Or I could sell you some for 10 bucks.
- Come on.
Come on.
- Okay, you don't want a banana.
How about a red apple? That'll be two bucks.
Yes! - Bye.
- Oh, yes.
Come home to Papa.
I feel so guilty.
I just sold that guy an apple for two bucks.
I can't believe you.
I mean, it's perfect, right? Beautiful girl selling fruit.
Goes back to the Bible.
Okay, I did my part.
Now teach me about basic microeconomic principles.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I still see an apple and a banana in here.
Come on.
- And get four bucks if you can.
- Whatever.
* Workin' elves never stoppin' * * Never stoppin' * - * the man is hoppin' * - * the man is hoppin' * - * In his nice red zoot suit * - * Nice red zoot suit * - * And his Christmas boots * - * Christmas boots * - * Double-checking' all things * - * Checking' all things * * Hey, cats, don't you know Santa swings? * * Santa Swings, he's flyin' high * * You'd better not pout and you'd better not cry * * Santa swings, he'll be cuttin' a rug * - * Workin' elves never stoppin' * - * Never stoppin' * - * the man is hoppin' * - * the man is hoppin' * - * In his nice red zoot suit * - * Nice red zoot suit * - * And his Christmas boots * - * Christmas boots * - Hey! - * Double-checking' all things * you still haven't seen Felicity, have you? - What the hell are you on? - On? What am I on? I'm not My God, you look so small just sitting there! - A-And you're sweating.
- Of course I'm sweating.
I mean, you'd be sweating, too, if you were me.
Of course you would be.
'Cause then you'd be me and you'd be sweating.
Is it cold in here? - No.
- Right.
Look, I'm I'm a little scared.
You're a future doctor, right? Does my heartbeat seem fast to you? That can't be your heart.
Hey, hey, I got a question for you.
- * Candy cane makers * - You look sick.
- Mm-hmm.
Were there beets in that powder? I don't know.
Guy said there were roots in there.
Roots.
'Cause 'Cause l-I get a kind of reaction to beets.
- What happens? - this happens.
I- I get a little hyper.
I get a little hyper.
It's Okay, well, you're gonna get real hyper, 'cause that powder's concentrated, like 200%.
- * You better not pout * - Stop talking so slowly! * And you better not cry * * Santa swings, hes flyin' high * * You'd better not pout and you'd better not cry * * And all the toys sing, "Hey" * - * Ain't nothin' but a roof top * - * Nothin' but a roof top * * Merry Christmas to all and the joy that it brings * - * Hey, world, don't you know Santa swings? * * Santa swings, hes flyin' high * * You'd better not pout and you'd better not cry * - Thanks.
- You're welcome.
Hey.
You know, I'm I'm not very hungry.
I'm fine.
Well, you need some food in your system.
I'm not really the biggest fan of of warm milk.
Just drink it.
You know, I didn't, uh, I-I didn't mean to freak out like that.
It was just that damn smart powder.
I understand.
I was on the track team in high school, and some of those guys would drink power shakes, you know, for energy, and, uh, some of them would have weird reactions like this, so - Yeah? - Yeah.
But some food and some warm milk should do the trick.
This is very nice of you.
Don't worry about it.
You should know that she likes you.
You think? Yeah.
No.
Yes.
Come on.
I mean, we all know you're the one.
You're the the prize, the the unrequited nightmare.
It's just the way it is.
Well, I'm telling you Felicity was talking all about you.
Uh, when you say, you know, "all about you," what what does that mean? Uh, she said that you were her best friend and that you were one of the most levelheaded guys she knows.
Well, that's sexy.
Look, she likes you.
She told me.
Well, uh, was that, like like, just before l - I burst in the room like a psychopath? About three seconds.
Yeah.
I'm sure she thinks I'm a freak.
Well, I'm sure she doesn't.
Noel was such a freak.
You should've seen him.
It was insane.
Anyway, finals were starting the next day, and I just knew for three days I would be in hell.
thank God for Elena.
She offered me the secrets of her system.
My first college finals experience went by in a blur.
the amazing thing was that in this one concentrated place for this one concentrated time, everyone people I knew, people I didn't know everyone was working so hard.
The weirdest part is that in those crazy three days, I didn't see Noel once.
Hi.
Uh, this is probably against all the rules, and just say no if you need to, but, um, is there any way I can go to the bathroom? Technically, no, but, uh you're cute.
Ew.
Forget it.
I don't want to go.
I'm kidding.
Just, uh, give me your essay while you're gone.
Thanks.
Hi.
I'm kind of in the middle of something.
My uncle died.
Yeah, he, uh, he took a turn for the worse and then, you know, a turn for the worst.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
But I wanted to see you because I'm leaving today.
Today? Yeah, and also to apologize for that insane outburst earlier.
I I heard about the smart powder.
Yeah.
Don't ever eat anything Meghan gives you forever.
It might kill you.
So, God, what time do you leave? My flight's in two hours.
Look, I wanted to I wanted to see you because I was so panicked, uh, about figuring out what we are, about defining it like it was some kind of temporary, fleeting lucky thing.
You know, I was I was so afraid that if we didn't figure out what was going on between you and me before we left for Christmas that it might be gone when we got back.
But that's stupid because you and I are more than just a a passing opportunity.
You know, we don't need to rush what we are, even if that means suffering through a month knowing that you're in the same city as Ben.
Look, whatever we are, I love what we are.
And we can figure it out in January.
How did that, uh, "Great Expectations" thing go? I feel really good about that paper.
That powder might've made me a little crazy, but, uh I think it worked.
So I'll see you next year? Yeah.
Like I said, it was it was a blur.
And before I knew it finals were over.
Hello.
Hi.
It's Felicity.
Hey.
Hey, what's up? So I'm gonna leave for the airport in about an hour, and I just, um Well, do you still want to share a cab? Yeah.
Um I'm not going back.
Why? I don't know.
I just decided to hang out, um stay in New York instead, see what this place looks like, you know.
With snow? Yeah.
Okay.
Uh, well I'll I'll just see you when I get back, then.
Yeah.
Okay.
You have fun.
Bye.
Sally: Dear Felicity, for some reason, in the past few months, I've become a real believer in not defining every single thing.
Seems like every time you think you've figured out what something is, it just becomes something else.
My first Christmas at college was incredibly strange.
I remember leaving Brown really excited to get home.
I got back to California, and I was with my parents in the house I grew up in.
I just remember lying in bed feeling homesick.
I hope everything works out with you and Noel.
I have hope.
And I wish you both, a merry Christmas.