Florida Girls (2019) s01e10 Episode Script

1 (WHINING) SHELBY: Ooh.
Break time! KAITLIN: No.
Uh-uh.
What are y'all doing? Get up! We are getting new kegs, and I am throwing this party, so help me God.
(CHUCKLING): No, we ain't.
We gonna die out here, and we all know it.
It's so freakin' hot, and this dumb town doesn't have Uber yet.
Can't you call your mom to pick us up? My mom doesn't have a phone, idiot.
- Call your mom.
- Guys-uh! Cheer up.
We're having so much fun.
And don't forget the best part.
I'm not studying for my lame GED test because you taught me that school is pointless, - so you get whiskey.
- Uh, it's empty.
No.
(LAUGHING): Oh, I drank it all.
KAITLIN: Oh, my God.
Focus, lightweight.
My party starts in three hours.
(JAYLA LAUGHING) What? Y'all are getting so worked up.
Over what? Don't you get it? We're losers.
We lost.
I was this close to getting everything I ever wanted.
A rich man was gonna wife me, and I blew it.
I got nothing.
(LAUGHS) But that means I got nothing to lose.
(VEHICLE APPROACHING) (TIRES SCREECH) You're taking us to the nearest liquor store, or I'm-a shoot you with this gun! Get in, y'all! - (LAUGHTER) - Yes! Let's go, snowflake! Move! Nothing to lose! (LAUGHTER) (LAUGHING) Thank you.
Sorry.
I need 20 bags of Solo cups and nine kegs of Bud Light.
Didn't I sell you nine yesterday? Did y'all finish 'em already? Baller.
No, Debra.
They're at the bottom of the Gulf.
I'm throwing an island party today, and we don't have any kegs or a boat.
Or a car! (LAUGHS) I wrecked my car.
- Shut it, Shelby! - (GIGGLING) - Just ring up the kegs.
- Oh, so you're the one throwing Josh Travis's island party? Yeah, I'm going later.
I even started getting ready.
- Is that crack, Debra? - No.
- It's meth.
- Oh, okay.
So, wait, wait.
How are you getting out to the island? Heard the skank who's throwing it has a boat.
Oh.
But that's you.
Just swipe the card, Debra.
- (MACHINE CHIMES) - Declined.
- What? - MANDY: Okay, so, can we get some food or something? - What are you talking about? - Relax.
We're gonna figure out your party.
We just haven't eaten or slept in, like, 24 hours.
Ooh, let's get pizza sticks! Oh, nah, you're thinking too small.
I got this gun, so we can eat anywhere we want.
Y'all want Ruth Chris? (LAUGHING) (SNIFFLING, CRYING) Are you crying? No, I don't cry.
I've never cried.
I don't think y'all are getting how important this island party is to me.
Like, you might be okay with just being another group of smoking hot Florida girls, but not me.
Like I'm destined for greatness.
And this party was my only chance to show everyone in town that I'm cooler than them.
Okay, we didn't mean to make you cry.
You didn't! I'm not crying! I'm just talking like this 'cause I'm mad! Okay, you're not crying.
Just call the 800 number on your credit card and see what the deal is.
Oh.
(SNIFFLES) Mine only has a Clearwater 727 number.
(SIGHS) (EASY LISTENING INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) MAN (ON PHONE): Yo.
Hello? Is this EZ Money? Dude, Kenny, did you change the name to "EZ Money"? Yeah, that's us.
Uh, okay.
Um, my card was just declined.
Can you fix that? Yeah.
You probably went over your limit.
We can increase it, but your interest rate will go up to 75%.
Well, yeah, obviously increase it.
Sweet.
It should work now.
Hey, Kenny, put my fucking burrito down, you piece of shit.
I'm Try it again.
(MACHINE CHIMES) Yes! Yes! (LAUGHS) It worked! Oh, my God! Aah! I'm sorry I got so mad there, guys.
It was crazy.
Um, okay, so it's, like, 8:00 a.
m.
, which means someone might be up, and-and they can help us get the kegs to the boat ramp, and then we'll just figure out the boat part from there.
Um, Erica, can you ask your Aunt Sis if we can borrow her truck? Where's Erica?! That's a lot of scripts.
My name is Shelby Hunter.
When's your birthday? It's actually right on there.
You can read it.
Leave before I call the cops.
This scam ain't working.
We're never gonna get Shelby's dead grandma's prescriptions filled.
Shelby and her grandmother have the same name, and you have Shelby's I.
D.
The scam is perfect.
Don't blame the scam.
Well, then I'm doing something wrong.
At least you're trying.
Shelby never wants to do fraud with me.
All right, let's try that Publix in Largo.
I need that morphine patch.
My back is killing me.
Can we stay near the boat ramp? I got to get to an island party.
(COUGHING) Are you're sure there's medicine for my mold poisoning in here? Oh.
Uh, uh, yeah.
Uh, Grandma Shelby She had lots of mold.
Okay, now, um, tell me what's going wrong in the pharmacy.
Oh, I gave him the I.
D.
, he looked at me all suspicious, and then asked me when Shelby's birthday was.
I didn't know, so he kicked me out.
Damn! First thing you need to do is memorize the I.
D.
That's so smart.
You're good at scams.
I want to get better at 'em.
You think maybe you could mentor me? No, girl.
I'm just trying to get my meds.
Okay, let me see that thing.
Oh, that's the problem.
We got to take a little detour.
- (HORN BLARING) - Make you look more like Shelby.
(CAR CRASHING) (LAUGHING) How long was that? - Was anyone counting? - Shelby, come on.
Knock it off! I mean, mad respect for you not being super lame anymore.
- Mm-hmm.
- But we have to figure out how to get these kegs to the island in the next hour and 38 minutes! God! Man, I remember when I used to care about stuff.
Trying to be just like the girls on Instagram.
Had to have the new acrylics, new coochie cutters, new pump with the chandelier heel.
I thought I had it all figured out.
But look at me now.
I'm laying on this filthy-ass sidewalk, and I've never been happier, because nothing matters.
Hmm.
So, y'all really don't know anyone with a boat? How's everyone else getting to the party? Oh, doesn't K.
O.
have his stupid-ass pontoon boat? Nah, it got repo'd 'cause he stopped paying child support.
Man, child support sucks.
Get in, bitches! - Where did you get that? - Who cares?! - Ha-ha! - Nothing to lose! (WHOOPING) Jay, you jacked this boat from a total turd.
His music sucks balls.
I don't think I can drink any more beer until I eat something.
Am I the only one who's, like, really tired and hungry? I bet you someone's got some food around here.
What you hungry for? No, please don't hold anyone else up at gunpoint.
All right, all right, all right.
This song's sort of baller.
("MURDA DEM" BY STELLA MWANGI PLAYING) - (LAUGHING) - Okay, bitches, hold on to your tits, 'cause we're not going home till that island's burned to the ground! - (WHOOPING, SHOUTING) - Turn it up! Turn it up! Me, I don't go where the money go The beat don't go where the fanny go When I say "hop," see the bunny go I give no 'cause I run the show - Hey - We murda dem - Uh, yeah - We murda dem We murda dem hard when the bass drop Got a big fat boom when the bass drop Yeah, we off to the moon when the bass drop Yeah-yeah-yeah, yeah, we off to the moon Hey Me so pretty, he so giddy Chitty bang bang 'cause the bang so chitty Me so pretty, he so giddy Chitty bang bang 'cause the bang so chitty We get gritty, we get gritty We work hard all day - Let's go! - Hey Yeah-yeah-yeah, yeah, we off to the moon Hey We-we-we work hard All day, hey Yeah Stella Mwangi Hey, hey, hey, hey Hey, hey Bang, bang We got seven bottles of Oxy! Can I have three bottles? You can have one pill.
- Sweet.
- Whoo-hoo! Shelby's grandma was one sick old bitch.
Yeah, but not sick with mold.
What the hell? You told me Grandma Shelby had mold.
Oh, girl, come on, you gonna be all right.
There's plenty of stuff in here for you.
Mm.
Oh.
Take this blood thinner.
Mold can't grow in no thin-ass blood.
What's "to-pi-cal chee-mo" I can't read.
What's this say? Dumbass.
"Topical chemotherapy.
" Oh, this was for her skin cancer.
Rub this on your rash.
- You're so smart.
- Mm-hmm.
Ooh! That mold fucked you up! Get that mess out of my van.
Thank you, Randi.
I feel better already.
And if you ever change your mind about wanting to mentor me, I'd love to learn from you.
Ugh.
Okay, fine.
Lesson one: You got to start thinking bigger.
You should've made me split all the pills with you, so you can go to your little island party and sell them.
You're so right.
Is it too late to do that? (SIGHS): Oh.
Oh Oh, God, this is so sad.
Is it sad, or did I just con you out of a bunch of pills? I've been hustlin' you all day! I don't need no mentor, bitch! - (TIRES SCREECH) - What?! Nobody cons me! I thought you had a bad back.
Excuse me, sir, could you give me a ride to that island? Hey there.
- Oh, hey, Rick.
- I'd be happy to give you a ride.
You know, I've actually been giving girls rides to the island all morning.
Hop on.
RICK: Nope.
Just me.
I'm the only way to get to the island.
RANDI: Oh, there you are! I'm gonna mess you up! (GRUNTS) Go, go, go! (RICK GRUNTS) Go, go, go, go, go! (SCREAMS) (RANDI GROANS) This ain't over! I'm gonna find you! (LAUGHTER) Oh.
Good morning, sleeping beauty.
- What's so funny? - (LAUGHTER) What what did you guys do? What is this? - Um, they're vaginas.
- (GASPS) Dude, you're covered in pussies.
You guys suck! Oh.
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES) MANDY: Oh, my God! - We could've done more.
- Yeah.
Bring that ass back Booty like the bass, need a slap We got everybody movin' off top So much sweat drippin', need a mop, we ain't stoppin' Till somebody see the cops KAITLIN: Where the hell have you been? - What happened to you? - Jumped off a Jet Ski onto some rocks.
Who cares? I do whatever I want now.
- You look insane.
- (LAUGHING) Here, cover your tits.
Can I just say, I'm so proud of you.
This whole party's here 'cause of you.
You freakin' did it, man.
Yeah.
I mean, it's obviously the party of the year, but I don't know, it's like something's missing.
I just don't know what.
SHELBY: Oh, of course.
Erica was missing.
- Aw, that's nice, Kaitlin.
- Yeah, no.
That's not it.
I don't care about that.
It's just a little tame, you know? I was hoping at least one person would've been carried out by helicopter or something.
Then my name would really get out there.
Back up, back up, back up I'm-a get enough Models poppin' bottles - Hey, douchebag! - (GRUNTS) - Hey! - (ANGRY SHOUTING) KAITLIN: Yeah! There! - Ha-ha! That's better.
- Oh, my God.
(LAUGHTER) I cannot believe you almost missed this for your dumbass GED test.
Oh, well, it starts in an hour.
I could still make it.
- That's not funny.
- Or I could race you to the bottom.
- Yeah! - Yeah! - (YELLING) - Oh, shit.
JAYLA: Oh, hell yeah! (SHRIEKING) Should we be worried about her? Nah, she's fine.
(JAYLA SCREAMS) Uh-uh, no, no, no.
You don't get to ditch us and then waltz up here covered in jizz.
Y'all want a Oxy? - Yeah, someone get my friend a chair! - Yeah.
(LAUGHS) Yo, Debra! You want any Oxy? One for ten or three for 25.
- I'll take nine.
- Tight.
(LAUGHS) - (MANDY SCREAMS) - (CROWD EXCLAIMING) (LAUGHS) Someone just hit that bitch in the face! - Wait, that's Mandy.
- Wait, for real? - Oh, my God.
- Are you okay? No, I'm not okay.
Those animals just broke my nose! Want some codeine? Ten bucks a sip.
God, what am I doing here? What was I thinking coming back here? Well, you said Ohio was boring and the real world sucked and Florida was cool.
Yeah, I thought Ohio was boring, but I forgot what a shit show Florida is.
I can't believe that you live like this.
We spent all day walking in billion-degree heat with no food or water.
Jayla stole a car! And a boat! Aw, tight.
I mean, I'm sorry, but y'all are losers.
I mean, it makes me remember why I got out of here in the first place.
And it's the reason I'm getting the hell out of here now.
But I blew off my GED test 'cause you said it wasn't I know what I said.
I was wrong.
Okay? I was homesick and I let myself get tricked by Jayla's fake-ass Instagram that leaves out all of this garbage.
Enjoy this mess, y'all.
I'm out of here.
Good! Go back to Ohio! We don't need you! RICK: Hey there.
- Need a ride? - MANDY: Hey, Rick.
Absolutely not.
RICK: Nope.
It's just me.
I'm the only way off the island.
Everybody else is sticking around to party.
(GROANS) Fine! She's gone soft.
I've broken my nose, like, four times.
Race you to the bottom? The game in dollars, I don't understand Oh, no.
Wait! I want to come! Wait! Wait! (PANTING) Oh, my God.
What did I do? I'm gonna miss my test.
I just threw away my future for a party.
So now you want to go take your test? Cool.
Mandy tells you careers suck, so you bail on your test, and then she changes her mind so you change your mind, too? Shelby, you are a sheep.
Dude, she's right.
The past two days have been insane.
Jayla's been carjacking everyone in town, and I wrecked my car and almost killed Erica.
Yeah, and you had a blast the whole time.
I don't remember when I've seen you this happy.
Oh, wait.
Yes, I do.
Right before Mandy moved away and you decided that your life wasn't good enough.
Wow.
You're 100% right.
Yeah, no crap I'm right.
I am a sheep.
I just do what everyone else does.
Listen, if you want to leave the sickest island party of all time so you can take some dumbass test with adult babies, do it.
Not 'cause of Mandy, man.
Do it 'cause you want to do it.
(SIGHS) Pssh.
I'm gonna go get a beer, do you want one? Honestly, I don't even know if I want a beer.
I don't know what I want.
But I know what I don't want.
I do not want to still be coming to island parties in 40 years just like Debra.
I really want a better life, and I know that a GED will help me with that.
Either in Florida or wherever, I don't know, but.
I gotta go take my test.
Cool.
Good luck with that.
Excuse me! Yo! Can I get a ride to the boat ramp? (MAN WHOOPING) I need a ride! I have a test in 15 minutes! God! Dude.
What are you doing? You don't have time to dock at the boat ramp.
You gotta take the back way.
What? What back way? Your dumbass school is on Patricia, which is three blocks from the creek.
A boat won't fit in the canals so we gotta take a Jet Ski to the causeway and cut into the canals from there.
We? You're leaving your party? Erica, steal us a Jet Ski! Jayla, we're leaving.
MAN: Hey! Get off my Jet Ski, you whores! Go, Erica, go! I'll be flying high I'm-a do it till I die You can catch me throwing money in the sky I'll be flying high I ain't never told a lie I'm the dopest, I ain't even gotta try I'll be flying high I'm-a do it till I die I'm the dopest, I ain't even gotta try I'll be flying high You're gonna make it.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, but I'm still very drunk and I did not study.
Who cares? You've been studying for months.
Yeah, it's been so annoying.
You keep repeating that stupid poem in the shower.
"Acute triangles? Sides in threes, all angles less than 90 degrees.
" "Equilateral? Sides the same, angles equal, it's their game.
" "Scalene triangles have one catch, different sides, no angles" How'd it go? - No angles match.
- It's obviously "match.
" Ah! Okay.
- I'm doing this.
- KAITLIN: Go! - JAYLA: Kill it, girl.
- Ah! What's she going to do? Why are we here? Kick 'em while they're down I don't play around I ain't giving up the crown 1,579.
1,580.
And another one dollar.
And a five dollar.
And another one dollar.
I don't know how much money I made selling that medicine, but it's gotta be enough to get me a whole bed.
Like, with a blanket and a pillow, and even that cloth mattress thing that goes over that mattress thing.
Holy crap.
I just made $1,600 selling keg cups.
- Yes! - Oh.
Money still got a grip on y'all, huh? I am so glad to be done with material things.
I just had the best day of my life.
I feel sorry for y'all, I truly do.
Yeah, whatever, psycho.
I just threw the sickest party in the history of this town, and I can pay off my credit card.
Boom! Oh my God.
I can pay off my credit card later.
Mm-mm-mm.
Hey, I've been grinding hard all week Grinding hard I've been making money on repeat (SHRIEKS) I passed! (LAUGHING) - (CHEERING) - That's really cool.
- (WHOOPING) - Tight! Wait.
Dude, did you buy us a car? Us? Mm-mm.
This is my car.
And I need gas money.
Now.
Wait, that-that's for my bed.
Shotgun.
Yeah, yeah I got money on top of that money And money on top of that money I hit me a lick You ain't talking Oh, I see you, bitch! Me and you.
Oh, shit.
- Was that my mom? - (TIRES SQUEALING) Drive.
Drive.
Drive! - (CHUCKLES) Why? - What? - Just drive! - (LAUGHING) (TIRES SCREECHING) - (WHOOPING) Nothing to lose! - (LAUGHTER) B-B-Bad chick I'm a bad chick