Four Weddings and a Funeral (2019) s01e10 Episode Script
New Jersey
1 AINSLEY: Previously on Four Weddings and a Funeral So we're really doing this, huh? Yeah, we're really doing this.
Do you mind just dropping me off at the restaurant? I'm not your chauffer.
I don't work for you.
You work for me.
- I'm sorry.
Is this about the date? - No! No, I think you're one of the deepest people I know.
It's one of my favorite things about you.
So if you are going to be an actor, you must be the greatest actor of all time.
Pakistani Keanu Reeves.
You have changed me.
Andrew, what what are you saying? I love you.
REPORTER: A lone conservative rebel, Andrew Aldridge, voted against the bill he once championed.
If you don't marry him now, I will.
[LAUGHTER.]
Who are you? This is, uh, my friend from church, Craig.
- Hello, Mr.
Craig.
- Come on.
DUFFY: There is no other person in the entire world that I would rather spend time with than you.
I feel the same way.
AINSLEY: Are you dating Kash? - What? - Tell me the truth.
Are you sleeping with my ex-fiancé? Oh, my God.
Sorry, I've been trying to tell you for the last AINSLEY: No, stop! I can't listen to this.
There's nothing you can say that can make this okay! - KASH: Maya, what's wrong? - MAYA: She knows.
God, I knew this was gonna happen! - I'm so sorry.
- No, we can't do this.
- I love you.
- It doesn't matter.
Maya, wait! By God, I cannot flatter.
I do defy the tongues of soothers.
But a braver place in my heart's love hath no man than yourself.
Nay, task me to my word.
Approve me, Lord.
CASTING AGENT: Thank you.
Is it true Eddie Redmayne is playing Prince Hal? I can't say.
You were good, by the way.
Oh.
Thank you.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
[PHONE CLICKS.]
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- SINGER: [SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- BASHEER: [LAUGHS.]
- KASH: Look at this.
- Huge, isn't it? - KASH: Massive.
Big baby, bro.
Oh, thank you, brother.
I owe you one, yeah? Oy, who's that? [COUGHS.]
BASHEER: Yo, meet my baby.
- Hello.
Who's this? - Hey, bro.
Hey! [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[ALL YELLING INDISTINCTLY.]
SINGER: [SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
It gives me sweet little pains in my heart Like the sweet little rain takes care of the flower And that's love A new kind of love, new kind of love [SWEEPING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
- - - [MUSIC SKIPS, RESTARTS.]
- - - - [MUSIC SKIPS, RESTARTS.]
- - [SIGHS.]
- Come on, Ains.
We've been doing this for hours.
I'm sorry.
I just want everything to be perfect, and I used up all my best wedding ideas on stupid Kash.
- Well, who cares? - Oh, yes, you're right.
Who cares? Let's just do a rustic barn wedding with bench seating and candles and mason jars like every other basic Oh, God.
That sounds fine.
No matter what we do, it'll be great, because in the end of it all Kash will see the picture in the paper and feel like garbage? I'm joking.
You and I will be together forever, obviously.
That's right, you little psycho.
AINSLEY: [LAUGHS.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Ah, there you are.
There.
Are you nervous? Uh, listen, I'm just worried that I might mess up my words.
Let me teach you an old Parliamentary trick.
Just imagine that everyone in the audience - is an MP from Wales.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
You won't care a jot what they think.
[LAUGHS.]
I might just do that.
Well, I'm ready.
Let's go.
Right.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
[KEYS JINGLE.]
TONY 2: [CLEARS THROAT.]
[ZADIE CRYING.]
Maybe we shouldn't go.
Craig, this is the most important day of Tony and Andrew's life.
They need us there.
We're their co-worker's friends.
The girls want me to stay.
MOLLY: No, Daddy, we're gonna have a slumber party.
We're gonna watch Happy Death Day.
JULIA: Uh, no, you're not.
Go, we'll be fine.
Give me the child.
- Okay, okay.
- JULIA: But don't cry.
- I won't.
- ZARA: Craig, come on! I love you.
High five.
Christ.
- Duffy? Duffy, it's late.
- [GROANS SOFTLY.]
We overslept.
Mummy, did you hear something? No.
No, it's probably just the house settling.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Well, who on Earth could that be? - Mr.
Duffy! - Hi! Figured I'd come over for breakfast before the big ceremony today.
What are we having? Porridge, toast, coffee.
Is that okay? DUFFY: Yes, more than okay.
Hey, you look like a million bucks.
That expression should really be adjusted for inflation, but thank you.
Oh, you got another letter from Maya.
I assume you want me to throw it out? Yes, I don't read junk mail.
TONY 2: I, Tony James, will give my loyalty to the United Kingdom and respect its rights and freedoms.
I'll uphold its democratic values.
I'll observe its laws faithfully and fulfill my duties and obligations as a British citizen.
Congratulations, Mr.
James.
You are now a citizen of the British realm.
- Thank you.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- [CORK POPS.]
- ANDREW: Ah.
[CHUCKLES.]
GILES: Ooh! Well, I'm glad you finally settled on a wedding invitation.
I heard you gave your stationer quite a hard time.
It was all over my calligraphy message boards.
Now, do I need to send separate invitations to you and Duffy, or can I just send one to your place? It'll save me, like, £30.
Oh, no, well Duffy and I haven't really talked about what we are.
Really? I mean, he practically lives with you.
Yes, but if he's my boyfriend, then I have to tell Giles, and I don't know that he's ready for that.
It's only been a year since his father died.
But are you sure he doesn't already know? Giles is really smart.
He taught me how to turn off the flashlight on my iPhone.
So how is Maya? I hear she's running for office in New York.
Um yeah, I don't really know.
Uh, none of us really talk to Maya anymore 'cause she did that super messed-up thing to Ainsley.
But I did read on Facebook that she's running for State Assembly, which is so cool, 'cause she used to write speeches all the time for other people to say, and now, finally, she's getting a chance to say them herself.
A self-motivated grab for power - maybe I did have an effect.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
- - And that's why a vote for me will be a vote for change.
Ow! Dude, what the hell? Oh, it was a rubbish speech, so I threw rubbish at you.
[SCOFFS.]
You know what? When I hired you, I thought you'd kiss my ass like you did with Andrew.
And do you want someone to kiss your ass, or do you want someone to make you win? [SIGHS.]
I don't know, Marcus.
Do you really think we can win? Yes, I do, because I happen to believe in you, so much so that I crossed an ocean to work for this campaign.
You told me you only came to America 'cause your ex-girlfriend tried to murder you.
Either way, I think you can win, as long as you let me be your Karl Rove.
Okay, I've told you to stop comparing yourself to him.
That is not the vibe of this campaign.
Steve Bannon, Roger Stone, whatever.
Oh, and speaking of hot guys, I saw my friend Dale at the gym again.
- He was asking after you.
- No, no.
I don't want to go on a blind date.
I don't want to go on any date.
Look, as your closest fair-weather friend, it might not be the worst thing to move on.
Okay, I don't see enough people on phones! Everybody who's not holding a phone, pick up a phone.
If you can't find a phone, make a phone.
Learn how to make a phone.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
I'm very proud of you, Kashif.
And your mother is, too.
I know it.
Thanks, Abu.
I would like to invite Eddie over for dinner.
I loved him in The Danish Girl.
I thought he was a Danish girl.
No, I don't think he wants to do that.
- Have you asked him? - Who sent you these flowers? Imam Iqbal.
I think he's hoping I'll become super famous and become the mosque's Tom Cruise.
Oh, I thought maybe they were from Maya.
Does she know that you're a big-time actor now? No, and stop asking.
We haven't spoken in a year.
Does Bisha know you've got a job delivering newspapers? Don't bring up my ex, man.
Now you know what it feels like.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Uh, Kash, there's someone at the stage door for you.
Oh, cheers, mate.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[GASPS, SQUEALS.]
- Ah, you came.
- You were amazing.
I had to leave four times to pump my but, um, the parts I saw [CLICKS TONGUE.]
I loved.
- Thanks, Fatima.
- I'm so sorry, man.
I fell asleep instantly in there, you understand? It's just the theater's so warm, and we're new parents.
The baby only sleeps 12 hours a night, so Uh oh, and, Kash, I, um I bumped into a friend from work that I It's really a free way to meet.
Yeah, she's lying.
She bought me the ticket.
Okay, fine.
It's a setup.
[SQUEALS.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
- KASH: [STAMMERS.]
Uh, well, unlike those guys, I-I actually saw the whole play, and, um, I really loved it.
Thank you.
Well, um, it's nice to meet you.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER, DISHWARE CLINKING.]
Mm.
[MOUTHS WORD.]
[SOFTLY.]
Hi.
Have a seat.
[GRUNTS, SNIFFS.]
- Should we order drinks? - I'd love a drink.
I'm incredibly interesting after two glasses of wine.
- Oh, um, I'm good with water.
- No wine for me.
I'm already over my Weight Watchers points for the day.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Sorry.
I haven't done this in a while.
Me neither.
I have just been so busy with work.
- Oh, do do you work a lot? - KASH: I do.
I mean, I love it.
It's great, but, um It's it's sort of my whole life.
[CHUCKLES.]
I wake up, and I think about work, and then I go to work.
And then I go to bed thinking about the next day's work.
You know, I haven't been to the gym in so long, they called me to see if I was dead.
[LAUGHS.]
I forgot what I used to do for fun.
Like, I had a day off last week.
I played solitaire not even on a computer.
- Sounds lonely.
- Sounds lonely.
Yeah, I guess it is.
Sometimes I worry I use work as an excuse.
Because dating's too hard.
Like looking for a needle in a haystack.
Maybe I'm afraid I'll never find my person.
Or worse, I already did.
I mean, my last break-up was over a year ago, but I still find myself, like, hoping I'm gonna see him.
Like, one night I'll come out of the stage door, and she'll just be there BOTH: Waiting for me.
[CHUCKLES.]
Anyway Should we order? Actually, um, my friend just texted.
I forgot.
I-I have to go to work.
Yeah, she's really sick.
Our firm does night meetings now Maybe even poisoned.
Because one of our associates is - So I need to go.
- A vampire.
[CHAIRS SCRAPING.]
MARCUS: Thank you.
Uh, we finally settled on a time for the Teachers' Union dinner.
You'd think their schedule would be more wide open, considering they finish work at 2:15.
What are you looking at? Oh, don't tell me you found my YouTube channel of R&B covers.
You [LAUGHS.]
Don't make me sing.
- [SNIFFS.]
My body - Shut up.
- Rude.
- I think Ainsley's engaged.
I thought she blocked you on Instagram? [SCOFFS.]
She did, but I still follow her cleaning lady.
Look, that's an engagement ring, right? Could it be a signet ring? Is she part of a secret society? Okay, Robbie, you pass to Lila.
Lila, you fake a drive downfield and pass to Molly, who will be waiting open by the right post.
- Okay, got it? - ALL: No.
Okay, you know what? Why don't y'all just try to go that way? [WHISTLE BLOWS.]
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
[CHILDREN CHATTER HAPPILY.]
- Hello? - Hi, it's Maya.
Don't hang up.
Now, you know I'm not supposed to be talking to you.
I know, I know.
But can you just answer me one question? Is Ainsley engaged? [CHILDREN CHATTER HAPPILY.]
[SIGHS.]
Oh, my God.
It happened a couple of months ago.
Bryce hid the ring in a dessert.
She was on a diet and accidentally threw it out.
[CHUCKLES.]
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
Are you okay? I was her maid of honor at her last wedding and now I'm not even part of her life.
I just kept thinking after enough time, she'd read my letters and reach out, but [SIGHS.]
I guess that's never going to happen.
I mean, to be fair, you shagged her first fiancé.
No, no.
Hey, I know she misses you.
I miss her, too.
I miss all of you.
Her engagement party is this weekend.
Now, I know she'd never admit it, but there's a part of her that wishes you were there.
I got to go, though.
Okay.
- Bye, Craig.
- Bye, Maya.
And I miss you, too.
[PHONE LINE BEEPS.]
[SIGHS.]
I got to go to London.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
GEMMA: Ainsley, Bryce is a gem.
You're so lucky to have found a man his age who doesn't have a teenage daughter who hates you.
Yeah, and he's a real man's man, you know? He told me to stand up straight, and I was, like, really into it.
Oh, he's so great, isn't he? At least I know this one won't leave me at the altar to bang my best friend.
DUFFY: [CHUCKLES WEAKLY.]
Yeah.
GEMMA: I actually saw Kash's poster at the Tube station the other day.
AINSLEY: [SCOFFS.]
I mean, I wasn't taking the Tube.
I just ducked in to avoid a frenemy.
Oh, God, aren't those posters the worst? He's doing that thing in the photo where he cranes his neck all earnest like, "Take me seriously.
I'm a real actor.
" It's so gross.
Oh, thanks.
- [CELL PHONE BUZZING.]
- Ooh.
Oh, it's my mom.
I'm 80% sure this is a butt dial, but just in case GEMMA: Okay.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Oh, hey.
It's nice to see you.
You too, eh Craig, isn't it? Yeah.
You know, we really haven't got a chance to talk.
No, we haven't.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
I'm gonna go ahead and get out of here.
- Absolutely.
- Yeah.
[ELEGANT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
DUFFY: Gemma, can I talk to you? Yeah.
I have to go home, um, to New Jersey.
Why? What's going on? You know how my mom was sick when I was in college? - Yeah.
- Well, it came back, so, um, I have to go.
I'm gonna pack and and head out and try to find a flight, so I'll I'll call you when I land.
Yes, of course.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, it's okay.
- Bye.
- Bye.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
AINSLEY: Hey, so I was talking to Gemma about that church we're touring next week, and she said that they won't let me turn the aisle into a river, so Hey, what's wrong? You're obsessed with Kash.
What? You keep bringing him up all the time.
[SCOFFS.]
I do not.
Yeah, you do w-when we were picking out invitations, tonight with your friends, last week when we were having a couples' massage.
Well, I was just saying that he didn't like getting massages because he thinks they're transactional and bougie.
Who cares? Ains, you're fixated.
Ever since we've been planning this wedding, you need everything to be better than it was with him.
Well, he ruined my life, Bryce.
Well, now he's ruining mine.
I love you, but I don't want to be married to somebody who's clearly still hung up on her ex.
I'm gonna spend the night at my place.
Bryce.
[FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING.]
So you're just gonna leave? [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
[DOOR SLAMS.]
[SIGHS.]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Well, that was fast.
What are you doing here? - - - [CRIES SOFTLY.]
- [BREATHES SHAKILY.]
I can't.
Ainsley, please.
I miss you so much.
I just want to make this right.
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[SOBBING.]
Hey, Heathrow, please.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Yep! Kash, there's someone at the stage door to see you.
Cheers, mate.
[BELT JINGLING.]
Hi, Kash.
- Do you know Eddie? - Uh, yeah.
We're Red-mayniacs, but he won't talk to us anymore.
Will you answer a few hundred questions about him? [SIGHS.]
Sure.
[SQUEALS.]
MAYA: Hi.
DUFFY: Maya? Duffy.
This is crazy.
Why are you going to New York? If you like, we could switch seats so you two could sit together.
- That would be - No, no, no.
Just actually, we're not supposed to be talking.
She betrayed a mutual friend, and we all took the side of the other girl.
- So I shouldn't move? - Correct, yeah.
We will not be talking.
But to answer your question, I'm going back 'cause my mom's sick again.
Oh, Duffy, no.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I'm scared.
She was joking around a lot on the phone, and she normally just does that when things are really bad.
Your poor mom.
Will Gemma be able to come out? I'm so sorry.
Are you sure I can't move? - Nope, nope.
- Sorry.
Like I said, we are not talking.
I want her to come, obviously, but she didn't offer.
I mean, she's not even calling me her boyfriend, so who knows? I-I'm gonna go, um You know what? I don't even need to make up an excuse.
This is very annoying.
But you guys seem so happy even when Giles got lice and then you all had to get checked.
[LAUGHS.]
Sorry, I-I stalk your Insta stories.
Yeah.
No, we are happy.
You know, I think she's just not ready to put a label on it.
After the year she's had, I mean, I would feel awful pushing her.
And I'm about to go away for who knows how long.
I don't know.
I just feel like maybe I should let it fizzle out.
- [SMACKS.]
Duffy, no.
- Oh.
Don't let it fizzle out.
You always do this every time you think you might get hurt.
Well, like with me and you? Yeah, and how did that work out? I still got hurt.
Exactly, so don't do it with Gemma.
Look at you you're helping to raise her son.
You're worrying about someone else's feelings more than your own.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- I mean, your socks they don't have Champion symbols on them anymore.
Dude, you've grown up.
And if she's the reason for that, oh, you got to hang on to her.
Tell her how you feel.
Oh, hey, let me give you your seat back.
No, my seat.
[BUCKLE CLICKS, BELL CHIMES.]
- - [MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA.]
- Hi, Mom.
- Oh MARCUS: Are these campaign photos? Okay, next, next.
Why do all her feet look weird? [STAMMERS.]
Tweak it.
Oh, how did it go? It was awful.
Ainsley slammed the door in my face, so I just went straight back to the airport.
Uh, I take it that means you weren't able to pick up my retainer from my parents' house? Okay, that's okay.
No matter.
Did you drop in on any old No, I did not see Kash.
I will never see Kash again.
Okay, so maybe you shouldn't have been so unbelievably rude to my friend Dale.
He stopped inviting me to Ab Blasters.
He takes Kurt now.
Bloody Kurt.
[LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC.]
[CELL PHONE BUZZING.]
Mummy, it's Mr.
Duffy.
Duffy, how is she? Um yeah, you know, she's been better.
Oh, I'm sorry.
And how are you? Uh, look, I-I'm not gonna be home in a couple days, and I actually don't really know when I'm coming home.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
Well, if you want, I could, um Um Let me know if there's anything I can do.
Okay.
Yeah, thanks.
Okay, well, I should be getting on Look, I know that we're not super serious, but I just need you to know that I'm super serious about you.
And I know that I'm gonna be across the ocean for the foreseeable future, but I just really don't want this to fizzle out, so, um I love you, Gemma.
Are you still there? Yes.
Fuck.
Okay, yeah.
Uh, good awesome.
So why don't we just email me your thoughts, and we'll go ahead and circle back to this a bit later.
So thank you so much.
Good-bye.
[PHONE BEEPS.]
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA.]
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
[SIGHS.]
ROBIN: You okay? Yeah.
No, I'm fine.
It's nothing.
[SIGHS.]
Hey, either stop sighing or tell me what's up.
I'm trying to finish the Alex Cross books before I shed my earthly coil.
It's just that I haven't heard from Gemma since yesterday.
I mean, I know that I weirded her out.
It's just the least she could do is, like, send me a nice break-up text, you know? This all just sucks.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You're the one with cancer, and I'm over here complaining.
You know when you're dying, everybody always talks about all the stuff you're gonna miss, like going to your son's wedding, seeing him win the Pulitzer Prize, or meeting your grandkids.
- Mom, stop.
- No, no.
I'm just saying, nobody talks about all the annoying stuff you're also gonna miss, like putting on a wet bathing suit or biting into a mushy apple or listening to your son complain about his hopeless love life.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Love you, Mom.
I love you, too.
And I bet this girl will come around.
Hmm? If she doesn't, she's a bitch, and you're better off without her.
Okay, Mom.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Yep! Kash, there's someone at the stage door to see you.
Mate, if it's the Red-mayniacs again, we need to have words.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Oh, my God.
What are you doing here? Can we talk? So is it a requirement after you get your first acting job, you have to start wearing turtlenecks? Because you look like the Gorton's fisherman.
Okay, did you come here to insult me? No.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
I'm getting married.
Well, I actually, I don't know if I'm getting married anymore because apparently my maybe-fiancé thinks that I am still not over this.
I just need to know was Maya the real reason that you called off our wedding? What? No.
Is that what you think? What else am I supposed to think? It wasn't because of Maya.
You and I weren't right for each other.
- [SCOFFS.]
- You said it.
You didn't even know me.
That's why I called off the wedding.
- Really? - Yes.
Nothing happened with Maya until later.
[SCOFFS SOFTLY.]
And in the end, she chose you over me anyway.
What does that mean? We haven't spoken since you found out.
She said it was the only way to make this right.
I didn't know that.
I just assumed.
Well, I'm sorry you thought that.
I really am sorry for everything.
So you're getting married? Maybe? Yes.
I was to a really great guy.
He makes me really happy.
I've honestly never been happier until I started planning a goddamn wedding.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Congratulations on the play, by the way.
- Really.
- Oh, thank you.
Yeah, um, things are good.
I mean, I'm still single and desperately lonely, so I guess you win.
[LAUGHS.]
GILES: Mr.
Duffy? You're here.
- You hung up on me.
- Yeah, sorry.
Mom, this is Gemma and Giles.
Guys, this is my mom No, Mom, come on! Don't pretend to be dead.
You're too sick.
It's not a funny bit.
[SIGHS.]
It's very nice to meet you, Mrs.
Duffy.
And I thought it was funny.
Or will in a day or two.
- See? - Yeah, it was so funny.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Well, darling, this is certainly more rustic than our trip to Zermatt, but it's nice to see where Mr.
Duffy grew up, isn't it? He really was fond of Rebecca Romjin-Stamos.
She must be a very talented actress.
Yes, darling.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Talking of Mr.
Duffy, there's something I wanted to tell you.
Mr.
Duffy and I Uh, well, we're more than just friends.
We're - Well, he's sort of my - Your boyfriend? Yes.
Sorry.
You knew? And and you're all right with it? [SOMBER MUSIC.]
Oh, darling, no.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I knew it was too soon.
He doesn't need to be my boyfriend.
No, it's not that.
I love Mr.
Duffy, but does that mean I love Daddy less? No, darling, no.
There is nothing in this world that could make us love your father any less, and he wouldn't want you to be unhappy.
It's okay that you love Mr.
Duffy.
I do.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
- - - [CELL PHONE BLOOPS.]
- - [CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
- - - BRYCE: Hello.
Bryce, hi.
Hey.
I'm sorry, but I don't want to get married.
- Okay.
- Let me finish.
Well, you took a pretty long pause.
[LAUGHS.]
I already planned my perfect wedding, and it was a disaster.
And if I'm being honest with myself, I thought a perfect wedding would prove to my parents and my friends and to me that I loved Kash.
But I don't need a wedding to prove that I love you because I know that I do, and that's why I don't want to marry you.
I just want to To be with you.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Me too.
- [SIGHS.]
So what do you want to do? Well maybe in this place of God, we just vow to love each other for the rest of our lives.
I do.
[SOFTLY.]
I do, too.
Is it bad to have sex in a church? PRIEST: Yes.
- Jesus.
Sorry.
- Sorry, Father.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
DUFFY: Giles seems to be enjoying himself.
GEMMA: Oh, he loves it here.
His whole life he complained about going to church.
Two days in New Jersey, he's wearing a gold cross necklace.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, hang on.
- Mom, put this on.
- ROBIN: Oh, honey.
DUFFY: Just put it on.
It's a little blanket.
You're good, see? Here we are, yeah? ROBIN: [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
You know where it could be fun to take Giles is the Meatball Museum.
I know it sounds stupid, but the video that they play is, like, so inspirational.
I want to get married.
To who? Some rich Saudi guy? I knew it.
I knew that this would happen.
No, to you.
Have better self-esteem.
I'm sorry, what are you talking about? A few days ago you didn't even want to say you were my girlfriend.
Yes, because my husband, whom I loved, died a year ago, and then soon after, I met someone else whom I also really love.
Just to clarify, the "whom you also really love", that's me, yeah? - Yes.
- Okay.
Phew.
Good.
[CHUCKLES.]
But I was worried it was too soon for Giles and for me.
It just seemed inappropriate, and I'm always appropriate.
Yeah.
You do know what all the different forks are for.
But life doesn't care what's appropriate.
When you least expect it, your 38-year-old husband dies, or your mother gets ill, and then who cares what anyone thinks? It's in those moments that you need to know who your people are.
And you're my people.
And that's why I want to get married.
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
I want to get married, too.
And I want to do it soon so that all of our people can be there.
[SOFTLY.]
Yeah.
- - [SWEEPING MUSIC.]
DUFFY: Dear Maya, I know things are still weird, but you have to come, because you're one of my best friends and you're a little bit the reason this is happening.
[KEYS CLACKING, PHONES RINGING.]
[AMERICAN AUTHORS' BES DAY OF MY LIFE PLAYING.]
SINGER: Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh This is gonna be the best day of my life GEMMA: Oh.
- Oh.
- [BOTH LAUGH.]
SINGER: Ooh, ooh, ooh This is gonna be the best day of my life My l-i-i-i-ife Mummy this looks really good.
I raised him to be polite.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
I brought you something to read on the plane.
What? I don't care if it's good, I don't want to read a book about the Roosevelts.
[CHUCKLES.]
No.
Uh, I thought you might be nervous about seeing Maya, so, um, maybe these will help.
I threw these away.
I kept them.
I thought you might want to read them one day.
[LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC.]
AINSLEY: Hello? You guys here? Gemma? Hi, guys.
Uh, thank you for coming.
Uh, as you can see, my belief that all you need for a good wedding is two people who truly love each other was wrong.
GEMMA: We really need your help, especially you, Ainsley.
We know you can make this place look better.
Actually, we may only need you.
I mean, I guess Craig can carry stuff.
Okay, uh, well, I'm gonna need a craft store, a Target, and, uh where's the nearest restaurant? - Hooters.
- We had breakfast there.
- It's a good one.
- Mmm.
Yeah, well, we can make it work.
What are you guys thinking for music? Oh, I have a nephew who's a SoundCloud rapper named Lil' Fuckface.
Right, yeah, bad idea.
We'd never get him anyway.
Uh, I sort of play the cello.
- Really? - Yeah.
Man of many surprises.
Okay [CLAPS HANDS.]
- Let's plan a wedding, people.
- Oh, thank you.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Right.
Craig, carry stuff.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
We need to place these around the tables, all right? I'm gonna go start on my hair and makeup.
Did you ever imagine you'd be doing your own hair and makeup for your wedding? Well, what's the alternative? I go to Gino's Pizzas and Perms down the street? [SCOFFS.]
MAYA: Hi.
Sorry I'm late.
Hi.
Um, everybody remember Maya from college? [MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
Maya, if you want to help Craig with, um [MARBLE CLINKS.]
With whatever he's doing Maya can help me.
- So what are we doing? - Um, folding napkins.
Just do it like I'm doing it.
Okay, no, I can't do this.
Listen, I'm so sorry No, you've apologized enough.
I I read all of your letters.
You did? I was sure you threw them out.
I did do that at first.
And then I read them, and, um, I realized two things.
One wow, you love me.
[LAUGHS.]
Yes, I-I really do.
And the second thing is, you love Kash.
No, I-I don't.
I-I swear, I have not been in touch with him at all.
No, I know, I know.
But I have.
You love him.
You guys have that crazy soul mate thing that everybody's always looking for.
You had that with him, and I know that, because the only reason you would have hurt me your best friend in the entire world is for something undeniable like true love.
[TENDER MUSIC.]
And can I please get a high five for how fucking mature I'm being right now? [BOTH LAUGH, SNIFFLE.]
I missed you so much.
- I missed you.
- [CHUCKLES.]
[SNIFFLES.]
You would not believe how much I have stalked you on social media.
Oh, my God, I have stalked you, too.
Not that it mattered.
It seems like you're killing it.
Yeah, things are good.
[SNIFFLES.]
Do you ever think about calling Kash? No.
[SIGHS.]
I think that door is closed.
- And this is my dressing room.
- BASHEER: Very nice.
I'm glad you're coming again, man.
I promise you, I will stay awake this time.
I just keep falling asleep waiting for your character to show up in it.
I'm in scene two.
[YAWNING.]
Yeah, whatever, man.
[CELL PHONE BUZZING.]
Ainsley.
Is everything okay? Not really.
Um, I'm at a wedding in New Jersey, and I think you need to be here.
What? Maya's here.
She doesn't know that I'm calling you, but I think you should come and tell her how you feel.
I don't think that's a good idea.
We haven't spoken in over a year.
I know, because of me.
[STAMMERS.]
And even though it feels completely insane that I'm saying this I think you should tell her how you feel about her.
I love Maya and she's not happy.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
And you're not happy, and I don't want to be the reason that two people who could maybe be happy together can't be.
Ainsley, thank you, but I can't just fly to New Jersey.
I've got a show tonight.
I have a show every night for the next ten months.
Besides, Maya lives in New York.
I don't see how this could work.
Okay, so you're just gonna give up on the love of your life because of scheduling issues? It's now or never, dude.
The door is closing.
She doesn't want to see me, okay? She's the one who called it off.
The door's closed.
Look, I've got to go.
The wedding's Maya's.
What? Maya's the one getting married.
Maya? To who? Uh, Duffy.
Wait, what? They were terrible together.
I know, that's why I'm calling you, dipshit.
She's about to make a huge mistake, and you're the only one who can stop her.
Here, look.
Hey, guys! [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
What's that for? [CELL PHONES BLOOP.]
Oh, my God.
AINSLEY: Kash, you have to stop this.
Okay, I'll call my understudy.
I'll be there as soon as I can.
- Bash! - Huh? Change of plans.
You're not seeing the show.
- We're going to Heathrow.
- Oh, thank God! Don't you want to know why? Just tell me more on the way.
Come on! SINGER: Somebody save your soul 'Cause you've been sinning in the city, I know BASHEER: Good luck, man! You know your gate? Nope! - But you got a ticket, right? - Nope! It doesn't matter! Love will find a way, bro! But I'll wait here just in case it doesn't.
KASH: Please, I need to get on that flight.
The woman I love is about to get married.
I've already told you, it's fully booked.
I have a seat on a flight tomorrow morning.
She'll be married by then.
Yeah, 'cause no one ever gets divorced.
Damn it, Margot, give the boy a ticket.
I would if I could, Haroon, but there are no tickets.
Oh [CHUCKLES.]
Take off the girl with the fake service dog.
How do you know it's fake? BOTH: If you're not blind, it's fake.
There you go.
Thank you.
Thanks, Dad.
- I love you.
- [GROANS.]
Go and get your Ainsley.
No, Dad, it's Maya.
We talked you know what? Never mind, it's fine.
Good luck, whoever it is! SINGER: Get on my knees and say a prayer, James Brown That I can make your hands clap It's fake.
SINGER: That I can make your hands clap [BELL CHIMES.]
Sorry, sorry.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Sorry.
Sorry, a little bit of a hurry.
Sorry, thank you.
Sorry.
Excuse me, thank you! [ELEGANT MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY OVER SPEAKERS.]
TONY 2: Oh, this is exciting.
I've never been to a wedding in New Jersey before.
Well, with any luck, it'll be our first and our last.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh? You wouldn't want to get married here? Are we getting married? Oh, babe, did you bring the, uh, baby monitor that works across the ocean? No.
I made that up to get you on the plane, hon.
What? AINSLEY: Maya! Over here.
I love this.
SINGER: Somebody save your soul 'Cause you've been sinning in the city, I know [HORNS HONKING.]
SINGER: Got you losing control You're like a drug to me, a luxury, my sugar Mate, is there any way you can go around this? Uh, sorry.
Richie Sambora is cutting the ribbon at a new mall.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Huh? You know what? Screw it.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Hey.
Hey! What kind of fucking money is this? Sorry, in a rush! [PLAYING BACH'S CELLO SUITE NO.
1 IN G MAJOR.]
[WHISPERING.]
I can't believe you guys came.
How did this happen? [PLAYING BRIDAL CHORUS.]
Good luck.
[FITZ AND THE TANTRUMS' HANDCLAP RESUMES.]
SINGER: That I can make your hands clap Gemma, um my whole life, I've had these romantic notions about what love is supposed to be, but being with you and Giles has shown me what the real thing can be like.
I love you.
KASH: Stop! - [CROWD MURMURING.]
- Stop! Don't do this! I love you, and I know [SOFTER.]
You love me, too.
What? No, I don't.
KASH: Gemma [PANTING.]
Wait, you're marrying Duffy? Well, I'm trying to.
KASH: Wait, but I thought [SOFT MUSIC.]
Please sit down, dude.
How many weddings do you have to ruin? I am so sorry.
- [SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT.]
- Yeah.
Caleb, falling in love with you has been one of the sweetest surprises of my life.
- Who's Caleb? - GEMMA: That and learning [WHISPERING.]
It's your best friend's first name.
What? I thought his name was Craig.
That's why we were calling him Duffy.
GEMMA: It does require a lot of Oh, shit.
GEMMA: I don't ever want to live a life without you.
You are the greatest partner I could have asked for, the fiercest friend I could have ever wished for, and the role model for Giles I'd only hope SINGER: Oh, my love, we're here again [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
But this isn't the end In your early life - Hi.
- Hi.
I liked what you said to Gemma.
- You did? - Yeah.
I'm sorry it didn't work out between you two, though.
Yeah, it was kind of a waste of a trip.
Well, it doesn't have to be.
Do you want to be my date to this wedding? I don't know I sort of feel like these things are a good place to meet women.
[LAUGHS.]
God.
SINGER: Oh, oh, oh, my love I, I, I'm not giving up If you don't let go Then I won't let go If you don't let go Then I won't let go If you just hold on We will get there in the end If you don't let go Then I won't let go If you don't let go Then I won't let go If you just hold on We will get there in the end If you don't let go Then I won't let go Oh, oh, oh Then I won't let go Oh, oh, oh Then I won't let go Oh, oh, oh Then I won't let go Softly sounding out the call Endlessly Quietly Oh, oh, oh, my love I, I, I'm not giving up - [SONG CHANGES.]
- SINGER: It must be some kind of magic Bum-ba-di-dum That brought the sparkle to my eye It gives me sweet little pains in my heart Like a sweet little rain that falls for a flower You're what matters Baby, you're the star And that's love, a new kind PERSON: Go to bed.
Do you mind just dropping me off at the restaurant? I'm not your chauffer.
I don't work for you.
You work for me.
- I'm sorry.
Is this about the date? - No! No, I think you're one of the deepest people I know.
It's one of my favorite things about you.
So if you are going to be an actor, you must be the greatest actor of all time.
Pakistani Keanu Reeves.
You have changed me.
Andrew, what what are you saying? I love you.
REPORTER: A lone conservative rebel, Andrew Aldridge, voted against the bill he once championed.
If you don't marry him now, I will.
[LAUGHTER.]
Who are you? This is, uh, my friend from church, Craig.
- Hello, Mr.
Craig.
- Come on.
DUFFY: There is no other person in the entire world that I would rather spend time with than you.
I feel the same way.
AINSLEY: Are you dating Kash? - What? - Tell me the truth.
Are you sleeping with my ex-fiancé? Oh, my God.
Sorry, I've been trying to tell you for the last AINSLEY: No, stop! I can't listen to this.
There's nothing you can say that can make this okay! - KASH: Maya, what's wrong? - MAYA: She knows.
God, I knew this was gonna happen! - I'm so sorry.
- No, we can't do this.
- I love you.
- It doesn't matter.
Maya, wait! By God, I cannot flatter.
I do defy the tongues of soothers.
But a braver place in my heart's love hath no man than yourself.
Nay, task me to my word.
Approve me, Lord.
CASTING AGENT: Thank you.
Is it true Eddie Redmayne is playing Prince Hal? I can't say.
You were good, by the way.
Oh.
Thank you.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
[PHONE CLICKS.]
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- SINGER: [SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- BASHEER: [LAUGHS.]
- KASH: Look at this.
- Huge, isn't it? - KASH: Massive.
Big baby, bro.
Oh, thank you, brother.
I owe you one, yeah? Oy, who's that? [COUGHS.]
BASHEER: Yo, meet my baby.
- Hello.
Who's this? - Hey, bro.
Hey! [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[ALL YELLING INDISTINCTLY.]
SINGER: [SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
It gives me sweet little pains in my heart Like the sweet little rain takes care of the flower And that's love A new kind of love, new kind of love [SWEEPING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
- - - [MUSIC SKIPS, RESTARTS.]
- - - - [MUSIC SKIPS, RESTARTS.]
- - [SIGHS.]
- Come on, Ains.
We've been doing this for hours.
I'm sorry.
I just want everything to be perfect, and I used up all my best wedding ideas on stupid Kash.
- Well, who cares? - Oh, yes, you're right.
Who cares? Let's just do a rustic barn wedding with bench seating and candles and mason jars like every other basic Oh, God.
That sounds fine.
No matter what we do, it'll be great, because in the end of it all Kash will see the picture in the paper and feel like garbage? I'm joking.
You and I will be together forever, obviously.
That's right, you little psycho.
AINSLEY: [LAUGHS.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Ah, there you are.
There.
Are you nervous? Uh, listen, I'm just worried that I might mess up my words.
Let me teach you an old Parliamentary trick.
Just imagine that everyone in the audience - is an MP from Wales.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
You won't care a jot what they think.
[LAUGHS.]
I might just do that.
Well, I'm ready.
Let's go.
Right.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
[KEYS JINGLE.]
TONY 2: [CLEARS THROAT.]
[ZADIE CRYING.]
Maybe we shouldn't go.
Craig, this is the most important day of Tony and Andrew's life.
They need us there.
We're their co-worker's friends.
The girls want me to stay.
MOLLY: No, Daddy, we're gonna have a slumber party.
We're gonna watch Happy Death Day.
JULIA: Uh, no, you're not.
Go, we'll be fine.
Give me the child.
- Okay, okay.
- JULIA: But don't cry.
- I won't.
- ZARA: Craig, come on! I love you.
High five.
Christ.
- Duffy? Duffy, it's late.
- [GROANS SOFTLY.]
We overslept.
Mummy, did you hear something? No.
No, it's probably just the house settling.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Well, who on Earth could that be? - Mr.
Duffy! - Hi! Figured I'd come over for breakfast before the big ceremony today.
What are we having? Porridge, toast, coffee.
Is that okay? DUFFY: Yes, more than okay.
Hey, you look like a million bucks.
That expression should really be adjusted for inflation, but thank you.
Oh, you got another letter from Maya.
I assume you want me to throw it out? Yes, I don't read junk mail.
TONY 2: I, Tony James, will give my loyalty to the United Kingdom and respect its rights and freedoms.
I'll uphold its democratic values.
I'll observe its laws faithfully and fulfill my duties and obligations as a British citizen.
Congratulations, Mr.
James.
You are now a citizen of the British realm.
- Thank you.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- [CORK POPS.]
- ANDREW: Ah.
[CHUCKLES.]
GILES: Ooh! Well, I'm glad you finally settled on a wedding invitation.
I heard you gave your stationer quite a hard time.
It was all over my calligraphy message boards.
Now, do I need to send separate invitations to you and Duffy, or can I just send one to your place? It'll save me, like, £30.
Oh, no, well Duffy and I haven't really talked about what we are.
Really? I mean, he practically lives with you.
Yes, but if he's my boyfriend, then I have to tell Giles, and I don't know that he's ready for that.
It's only been a year since his father died.
But are you sure he doesn't already know? Giles is really smart.
He taught me how to turn off the flashlight on my iPhone.
So how is Maya? I hear she's running for office in New York.
Um yeah, I don't really know.
Uh, none of us really talk to Maya anymore 'cause she did that super messed-up thing to Ainsley.
But I did read on Facebook that she's running for State Assembly, which is so cool, 'cause she used to write speeches all the time for other people to say, and now, finally, she's getting a chance to say them herself.
A self-motivated grab for power - maybe I did have an effect.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
- - And that's why a vote for me will be a vote for change.
Ow! Dude, what the hell? Oh, it was a rubbish speech, so I threw rubbish at you.
[SCOFFS.]
You know what? When I hired you, I thought you'd kiss my ass like you did with Andrew.
And do you want someone to kiss your ass, or do you want someone to make you win? [SIGHS.]
I don't know, Marcus.
Do you really think we can win? Yes, I do, because I happen to believe in you, so much so that I crossed an ocean to work for this campaign.
You told me you only came to America 'cause your ex-girlfriend tried to murder you.
Either way, I think you can win, as long as you let me be your Karl Rove.
Okay, I've told you to stop comparing yourself to him.
That is not the vibe of this campaign.
Steve Bannon, Roger Stone, whatever.
Oh, and speaking of hot guys, I saw my friend Dale at the gym again.
- He was asking after you.
- No, no.
I don't want to go on a blind date.
I don't want to go on any date.
Look, as your closest fair-weather friend, it might not be the worst thing to move on.
Okay, I don't see enough people on phones! Everybody who's not holding a phone, pick up a phone.
If you can't find a phone, make a phone.
Learn how to make a phone.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
I'm very proud of you, Kashif.
And your mother is, too.
I know it.
Thanks, Abu.
I would like to invite Eddie over for dinner.
I loved him in The Danish Girl.
I thought he was a Danish girl.
No, I don't think he wants to do that.
- Have you asked him? - Who sent you these flowers? Imam Iqbal.
I think he's hoping I'll become super famous and become the mosque's Tom Cruise.
Oh, I thought maybe they were from Maya.
Does she know that you're a big-time actor now? No, and stop asking.
We haven't spoken in a year.
Does Bisha know you've got a job delivering newspapers? Don't bring up my ex, man.
Now you know what it feels like.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Uh, Kash, there's someone at the stage door for you.
Oh, cheers, mate.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[GASPS, SQUEALS.]
- Ah, you came.
- You were amazing.
I had to leave four times to pump my but, um, the parts I saw [CLICKS TONGUE.]
I loved.
- Thanks, Fatima.
- I'm so sorry, man.
I fell asleep instantly in there, you understand? It's just the theater's so warm, and we're new parents.
The baby only sleeps 12 hours a night, so Uh oh, and, Kash, I, um I bumped into a friend from work that I It's really a free way to meet.
Yeah, she's lying.
She bought me the ticket.
Okay, fine.
It's a setup.
[SQUEALS.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
- KASH: [STAMMERS.]
Uh, well, unlike those guys, I-I actually saw the whole play, and, um, I really loved it.
Thank you.
Well, um, it's nice to meet you.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER, DISHWARE CLINKING.]
Mm.
[MOUTHS WORD.]
[SOFTLY.]
Hi.
Have a seat.
[GRUNTS, SNIFFS.]
- Should we order drinks? - I'd love a drink.
I'm incredibly interesting after two glasses of wine.
- Oh, um, I'm good with water.
- No wine for me.
I'm already over my Weight Watchers points for the day.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Sorry.
I haven't done this in a while.
Me neither.
I have just been so busy with work.
- Oh, do do you work a lot? - KASH: I do.
I mean, I love it.
It's great, but, um It's it's sort of my whole life.
[CHUCKLES.]
I wake up, and I think about work, and then I go to work.
And then I go to bed thinking about the next day's work.
You know, I haven't been to the gym in so long, they called me to see if I was dead.
[LAUGHS.]
I forgot what I used to do for fun.
Like, I had a day off last week.
I played solitaire not even on a computer.
- Sounds lonely.
- Sounds lonely.
Yeah, I guess it is.
Sometimes I worry I use work as an excuse.
Because dating's too hard.
Like looking for a needle in a haystack.
Maybe I'm afraid I'll never find my person.
Or worse, I already did.
I mean, my last break-up was over a year ago, but I still find myself, like, hoping I'm gonna see him.
Like, one night I'll come out of the stage door, and she'll just be there BOTH: Waiting for me.
[CHUCKLES.]
Anyway Should we order? Actually, um, my friend just texted.
I forgot.
I-I have to go to work.
Yeah, she's really sick.
Our firm does night meetings now Maybe even poisoned.
Because one of our associates is - So I need to go.
- A vampire.
[CHAIRS SCRAPING.]
MARCUS: Thank you.
Uh, we finally settled on a time for the Teachers' Union dinner.
You'd think their schedule would be more wide open, considering they finish work at 2:15.
What are you looking at? Oh, don't tell me you found my YouTube channel of R&B covers.
You [LAUGHS.]
Don't make me sing.
- [SNIFFS.]
My body - Shut up.
- Rude.
- I think Ainsley's engaged.
I thought she blocked you on Instagram? [SCOFFS.]
She did, but I still follow her cleaning lady.
Look, that's an engagement ring, right? Could it be a signet ring? Is she part of a secret society? Okay, Robbie, you pass to Lila.
Lila, you fake a drive downfield and pass to Molly, who will be waiting open by the right post.
- Okay, got it? - ALL: No.
Okay, you know what? Why don't y'all just try to go that way? [WHISTLE BLOWS.]
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
[CHILDREN CHATTER HAPPILY.]
- Hello? - Hi, it's Maya.
Don't hang up.
Now, you know I'm not supposed to be talking to you.
I know, I know.
But can you just answer me one question? Is Ainsley engaged? [CHILDREN CHATTER HAPPILY.]
[SIGHS.]
Oh, my God.
It happened a couple of months ago.
Bryce hid the ring in a dessert.
She was on a diet and accidentally threw it out.
[CHUCKLES.]
[SOMBER MUSIC.]
Are you okay? I was her maid of honor at her last wedding and now I'm not even part of her life.
I just kept thinking after enough time, she'd read my letters and reach out, but [SIGHS.]
I guess that's never going to happen.
I mean, to be fair, you shagged her first fiancé.
No, no.
Hey, I know she misses you.
I miss her, too.
I miss all of you.
Her engagement party is this weekend.
Now, I know she'd never admit it, but there's a part of her that wishes you were there.
I got to go, though.
Okay.
- Bye, Craig.
- Bye, Maya.
And I miss you, too.
[PHONE LINE BEEPS.]
[SIGHS.]
I got to go to London.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
GEMMA: Ainsley, Bryce is a gem.
You're so lucky to have found a man his age who doesn't have a teenage daughter who hates you.
Yeah, and he's a real man's man, you know? He told me to stand up straight, and I was, like, really into it.
Oh, he's so great, isn't he? At least I know this one won't leave me at the altar to bang my best friend.
DUFFY: [CHUCKLES WEAKLY.]
Yeah.
GEMMA: I actually saw Kash's poster at the Tube station the other day.
AINSLEY: [SCOFFS.]
I mean, I wasn't taking the Tube.
I just ducked in to avoid a frenemy.
Oh, God, aren't those posters the worst? He's doing that thing in the photo where he cranes his neck all earnest like, "Take me seriously.
I'm a real actor.
" It's so gross.
Oh, thanks.
- [CELL PHONE BUZZING.]
- Ooh.
Oh, it's my mom.
I'm 80% sure this is a butt dial, but just in case GEMMA: Okay.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Oh, hey.
It's nice to see you.
You too, eh Craig, isn't it? Yeah.
You know, we really haven't got a chance to talk.
No, we haven't.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
I'm gonna go ahead and get out of here.
- Absolutely.
- Yeah.
[ELEGANT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
DUFFY: Gemma, can I talk to you? Yeah.
I have to go home, um, to New Jersey.
Why? What's going on? You know how my mom was sick when I was in college? - Yeah.
- Well, it came back, so, um, I have to go.
I'm gonna pack and and head out and try to find a flight, so I'll I'll call you when I land.
Yes, of course.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, it's okay.
- Bye.
- Bye.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
AINSLEY: Hey, so I was talking to Gemma about that church we're touring next week, and she said that they won't let me turn the aisle into a river, so Hey, what's wrong? You're obsessed with Kash.
What? You keep bringing him up all the time.
[SCOFFS.]
I do not.
Yeah, you do w-when we were picking out invitations, tonight with your friends, last week when we were having a couples' massage.
Well, I was just saying that he didn't like getting massages because he thinks they're transactional and bougie.
Who cares? Ains, you're fixated.
Ever since we've been planning this wedding, you need everything to be better than it was with him.
Well, he ruined my life, Bryce.
Well, now he's ruining mine.
I love you, but I don't want to be married to somebody who's clearly still hung up on her ex.
I'm gonna spend the night at my place.
Bryce.
[FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING.]
So you're just gonna leave? [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
[DOOR SLAMS.]
[SIGHS.]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Well, that was fast.
What are you doing here? - - - [CRIES SOFTLY.]
- [BREATHES SHAKILY.]
I can't.
Ainsley, please.
I miss you so much.
I just want to make this right.
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[SOBBING.]
Hey, Heathrow, please.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Yep! Kash, there's someone at the stage door to see you.
Cheers, mate.
[BELT JINGLING.]
Hi, Kash.
- Do you know Eddie? - Uh, yeah.
We're Red-mayniacs, but he won't talk to us anymore.
Will you answer a few hundred questions about him? [SIGHS.]
Sure.
[SQUEALS.]
MAYA: Hi.
DUFFY: Maya? Duffy.
This is crazy.
Why are you going to New York? If you like, we could switch seats so you two could sit together.
- That would be - No, no, no.
Just actually, we're not supposed to be talking.
She betrayed a mutual friend, and we all took the side of the other girl.
- So I shouldn't move? - Correct, yeah.
We will not be talking.
But to answer your question, I'm going back 'cause my mom's sick again.
Oh, Duffy, no.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I'm scared.
She was joking around a lot on the phone, and she normally just does that when things are really bad.
Your poor mom.
Will Gemma be able to come out? I'm so sorry.
Are you sure I can't move? - Nope, nope.
- Sorry.
Like I said, we are not talking.
I want her to come, obviously, but she didn't offer.
I mean, she's not even calling me her boyfriend, so who knows? I-I'm gonna go, um You know what? I don't even need to make up an excuse.
This is very annoying.
But you guys seem so happy even when Giles got lice and then you all had to get checked.
[LAUGHS.]
Sorry, I-I stalk your Insta stories.
Yeah.
No, we are happy.
You know, I think she's just not ready to put a label on it.
After the year she's had, I mean, I would feel awful pushing her.
And I'm about to go away for who knows how long.
I don't know.
I just feel like maybe I should let it fizzle out.
- [SMACKS.]
Duffy, no.
- Oh.
Don't let it fizzle out.
You always do this every time you think you might get hurt.
Well, like with me and you? Yeah, and how did that work out? I still got hurt.
Exactly, so don't do it with Gemma.
Look at you you're helping to raise her son.
You're worrying about someone else's feelings more than your own.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- I mean, your socks they don't have Champion symbols on them anymore.
Dude, you've grown up.
And if she's the reason for that, oh, you got to hang on to her.
Tell her how you feel.
Oh, hey, let me give you your seat back.
No, my seat.
[BUCKLE CLICKS, BELL CHIMES.]
- - [MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA.]
- Hi, Mom.
- Oh MARCUS: Are these campaign photos? Okay, next, next.
Why do all her feet look weird? [STAMMERS.]
Tweak it.
Oh, how did it go? It was awful.
Ainsley slammed the door in my face, so I just went straight back to the airport.
Uh, I take it that means you weren't able to pick up my retainer from my parents' house? Okay, that's okay.
No matter.
Did you drop in on any old No, I did not see Kash.
I will never see Kash again.
Okay, so maybe you shouldn't have been so unbelievably rude to my friend Dale.
He stopped inviting me to Ab Blasters.
He takes Kurt now.
Bloody Kurt.
[LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC.]
[CELL PHONE BUZZING.]
Mummy, it's Mr.
Duffy.
Duffy, how is she? Um yeah, you know, she's been better.
Oh, I'm sorry.
And how are you? Uh, look, I-I'm not gonna be home in a couple days, and I actually don't really know when I'm coming home.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
Well, if you want, I could, um Um Let me know if there's anything I can do.
Okay.
Yeah, thanks.
Okay, well, I should be getting on Look, I know that we're not super serious, but I just need you to know that I'm super serious about you.
And I know that I'm gonna be across the ocean for the foreseeable future, but I just really don't want this to fizzle out, so, um I love you, Gemma.
Are you still there? Yes.
Fuck.
Okay, yeah.
Uh, good awesome.
So why don't we just email me your thoughts, and we'll go ahead and circle back to this a bit later.
So thank you so much.
Good-bye.
[PHONE BEEPS.]
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA.]
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
[SIGHS.]
ROBIN: You okay? Yeah.
No, I'm fine.
It's nothing.
[SIGHS.]
Hey, either stop sighing or tell me what's up.
I'm trying to finish the Alex Cross books before I shed my earthly coil.
It's just that I haven't heard from Gemma since yesterday.
I mean, I know that I weirded her out.
It's just the least she could do is, like, send me a nice break-up text, you know? This all just sucks.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You're the one with cancer, and I'm over here complaining.
You know when you're dying, everybody always talks about all the stuff you're gonna miss, like going to your son's wedding, seeing him win the Pulitzer Prize, or meeting your grandkids.
- Mom, stop.
- No, no.
I'm just saying, nobody talks about all the annoying stuff you're also gonna miss, like putting on a wet bathing suit or biting into a mushy apple or listening to your son complain about his hopeless love life.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Love you, Mom.
I love you, too.
And I bet this girl will come around.
Hmm? If she doesn't, she's a bitch, and you're better off without her.
Okay, Mom.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Yep! Kash, there's someone at the stage door to see you.
Mate, if it's the Red-mayniacs again, we need to have words.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Oh, my God.
What are you doing here? Can we talk? So is it a requirement after you get your first acting job, you have to start wearing turtlenecks? Because you look like the Gorton's fisherman.
Okay, did you come here to insult me? No.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
I'm getting married.
Well, I actually, I don't know if I'm getting married anymore because apparently my maybe-fiancé thinks that I am still not over this.
I just need to know was Maya the real reason that you called off our wedding? What? No.
Is that what you think? What else am I supposed to think? It wasn't because of Maya.
You and I weren't right for each other.
- [SCOFFS.]
- You said it.
You didn't even know me.
That's why I called off the wedding.
- Really? - Yes.
Nothing happened with Maya until later.
[SCOFFS SOFTLY.]
And in the end, she chose you over me anyway.
What does that mean? We haven't spoken since you found out.
She said it was the only way to make this right.
I didn't know that.
I just assumed.
Well, I'm sorry you thought that.
I really am sorry for everything.
So you're getting married? Maybe? Yes.
I was to a really great guy.
He makes me really happy.
I've honestly never been happier until I started planning a goddamn wedding.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Congratulations on the play, by the way.
- Really.
- Oh, thank you.
Yeah, um, things are good.
I mean, I'm still single and desperately lonely, so I guess you win.
[LAUGHS.]
GILES: Mr.
Duffy? You're here.
- You hung up on me.
- Yeah, sorry.
Mom, this is Gemma and Giles.
Guys, this is my mom No, Mom, come on! Don't pretend to be dead.
You're too sick.
It's not a funny bit.
[SIGHS.]
It's very nice to meet you, Mrs.
Duffy.
And I thought it was funny.
Or will in a day or two.
- See? - Yeah, it was so funny.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Well, darling, this is certainly more rustic than our trip to Zermatt, but it's nice to see where Mr.
Duffy grew up, isn't it? He really was fond of Rebecca Romjin-Stamos.
She must be a very talented actress.
Yes, darling.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Talking of Mr.
Duffy, there's something I wanted to tell you.
Mr.
Duffy and I Uh, well, we're more than just friends.
We're - Well, he's sort of my - Your boyfriend? Yes.
Sorry.
You knew? And and you're all right with it? [SOMBER MUSIC.]
Oh, darling, no.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I knew it was too soon.
He doesn't need to be my boyfriend.
No, it's not that.
I love Mr.
Duffy, but does that mean I love Daddy less? No, darling, no.
There is nothing in this world that could make us love your father any less, and he wouldn't want you to be unhappy.
It's okay that you love Mr.
Duffy.
I do.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
- - - [CELL PHONE BLOOPS.]
- - [CELL PHONE CHIMES.]
- - - BRYCE: Hello.
Bryce, hi.
Hey.
I'm sorry, but I don't want to get married.
- Okay.
- Let me finish.
Well, you took a pretty long pause.
[LAUGHS.]
I already planned my perfect wedding, and it was a disaster.
And if I'm being honest with myself, I thought a perfect wedding would prove to my parents and my friends and to me that I loved Kash.
But I don't need a wedding to prove that I love you because I know that I do, and that's why I don't want to marry you.
I just want to To be with you.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- Me too.
- [SIGHS.]
So what do you want to do? Well maybe in this place of God, we just vow to love each other for the rest of our lives.
I do.
[SOFTLY.]
I do, too.
Is it bad to have sex in a church? PRIEST: Yes.
- Jesus.
Sorry.
- Sorry, Father.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
DUFFY: Giles seems to be enjoying himself.
GEMMA: Oh, he loves it here.
His whole life he complained about going to church.
Two days in New Jersey, he's wearing a gold cross necklace.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, hang on.
- Mom, put this on.
- ROBIN: Oh, honey.
DUFFY: Just put it on.
It's a little blanket.
You're good, see? Here we are, yeah? ROBIN: [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
You know where it could be fun to take Giles is the Meatball Museum.
I know it sounds stupid, but the video that they play is, like, so inspirational.
I want to get married.
To who? Some rich Saudi guy? I knew it.
I knew that this would happen.
No, to you.
Have better self-esteem.
I'm sorry, what are you talking about? A few days ago you didn't even want to say you were my girlfriend.
Yes, because my husband, whom I loved, died a year ago, and then soon after, I met someone else whom I also really love.
Just to clarify, the "whom you also really love", that's me, yeah? - Yes.
- Okay.
Phew.
Good.
[CHUCKLES.]
But I was worried it was too soon for Giles and for me.
It just seemed inappropriate, and I'm always appropriate.
Yeah.
You do know what all the different forks are for.
But life doesn't care what's appropriate.
When you least expect it, your 38-year-old husband dies, or your mother gets ill, and then who cares what anyone thinks? It's in those moments that you need to know who your people are.
And you're my people.
And that's why I want to get married.
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
I want to get married, too.
And I want to do it soon so that all of our people can be there.
[SOFTLY.]
Yeah.
- - [SWEEPING MUSIC.]
DUFFY: Dear Maya, I know things are still weird, but you have to come, because you're one of my best friends and you're a little bit the reason this is happening.
[KEYS CLACKING, PHONES RINGING.]
[AMERICAN AUTHORS' BES DAY OF MY LIFE PLAYING.]
SINGER: Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh This is gonna be the best day of my life GEMMA: Oh.
- Oh.
- [BOTH LAUGH.]
SINGER: Ooh, ooh, ooh This is gonna be the best day of my life My l-i-i-i-ife Mummy this looks really good.
I raised him to be polite.
[MELLOW MUSIC.]
I brought you something to read on the plane.
What? I don't care if it's good, I don't want to read a book about the Roosevelts.
[CHUCKLES.]
No.
Uh, I thought you might be nervous about seeing Maya, so, um, maybe these will help.
I threw these away.
I kept them.
I thought you might want to read them one day.
[LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC.]
AINSLEY: Hello? You guys here? Gemma? Hi, guys.
Uh, thank you for coming.
Uh, as you can see, my belief that all you need for a good wedding is two people who truly love each other was wrong.
GEMMA: We really need your help, especially you, Ainsley.
We know you can make this place look better.
Actually, we may only need you.
I mean, I guess Craig can carry stuff.
Okay, uh, well, I'm gonna need a craft store, a Target, and, uh where's the nearest restaurant? - Hooters.
- We had breakfast there.
- It's a good one.
- Mmm.
Yeah, well, we can make it work.
What are you guys thinking for music? Oh, I have a nephew who's a SoundCloud rapper named Lil' Fuckface.
Right, yeah, bad idea.
We'd never get him anyway.
Uh, I sort of play the cello.
- Really? - Yeah.
Man of many surprises.
Okay [CLAPS HANDS.]
- Let's plan a wedding, people.
- Oh, thank you.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Right.
Craig, carry stuff.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
We need to place these around the tables, all right? I'm gonna go start on my hair and makeup.
Did you ever imagine you'd be doing your own hair and makeup for your wedding? Well, what's the alternative? I go to Gino's Pizzas and Perms down the street? [SCOFFS.]
MAYA: Hi.
Sorry I'm late.
Hi.
Um, everybody remember Maya from college? [MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
Maya, if you want to help Craig with, um [MARBLE CLINKS.]
With whatever he's doing Maya can help me.
- So what are we doing? - Um, folding napkins.
Just do it like I'm doing it.
Okay, no, I can't do this.
Listen, I'm so sorry No, you've apologized enough.
I I read all of your letters.
You did? I was sure you threw them out.
I did do that at first.
And then I read them, and, um, I realized two things.
One wow, you love me.
[LAUGHS.]
Yes, I-I really do.
And the second thing is, you love Kash.
No, I-I don't.
I-I swear, I have not been in touch with him at all.
No, I know, I know.
But I have.
You love him.
You guys have that crazy soul mate thing that everybody's always looking for.
You had that with him, and I know that, because the only reason you would have hurt me your best friend in the entire world is for something undeniable like true love.
[TENDER MUSIC.]
And can I please get a high five for how fucking mature I'm being right now? [BOTH LAUGH, SNIFFLE.]
I missed you so much.
- I missed you.
- [CHUCKLES.]
[SNIFFLES.]
You would not believe how much I have stalked you on social media.
Oh, my God, I have stalked you, too.
Not that it mattered.
It seems like you're killing it.
Yeah, things are good.
[SNIFFLES.]
Do you ever think about calling Kash? No.
[SIGHS.]
I think that door is closed.
- And this is my dressing room.
- BASHEER: Very nice.
I'm glad you're coming again, man.
I promise you, I will stay awake this time.
I just keep falling asleep waiting for your character to show up in it.
I'm in scene two.
[YAWNING.]
Yeah, whatever, man.
[CELL PHONE BUZZING.]
Ainsley.
Is everything okay? Not really.
Um, I'm at a wedding in New Jersey, and I think you need to be here.
What? Maya's here.
She doesn't know that I'm calling you, but I think you should come and tell her how you feel.
I don't think that's a good idea.
We haven't spoken in over a year.
I know, because of me.
[STAMMERS.]
And even though it feels completely insane that I'm saying this I think you should tell her how you feel about her.
I love Maya and she's not happy.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
And you're not happy, and I don't want to be the reason that two people who could maybe be happy together can't be.
Ainsley, thank you, but I can't just fly to New Jersey.
I've got a show tonight.
I have a show every night for the next ten months.
Besides, Maya lives in New York.
I don't see how this could work.
Okay, so you're just gonna give up on the love of your life because of scheduling issues? It's now or never, dude.
The door is closing.
She doesn't want to see me, okay? She's the one who called it off.
The door's closed.
Look, I've got to go.
The wedding's Maya's.
What? Maya's the one getting married.
Maya? To who? Uh, Duffy.
Wait, what? They were terrible together.
I know, that's why I'm calling you, dipshit.
She's about to make a huge mistake, and you're the only one who can stop her.
Here, look.
Hey, guys! [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
What's that for? [CELL PHONES BLOOP.]
Oh, my God.
AINSLEY: Kash, you have to stop this.
Okay, I'll call my understudy.
I'll be there as soon as I can.
- Bash! - Huh? Change of plans.
You're not seeing the show.
- We're going to Heathrow.
- Oh, thank God! Don't you want to know why? Just tell me more on the way.
Come on! SINGER: Somebody save your soul 'Cause you've been sinning in the city, I know BASHEER: Good luck, man! You know your gate? Nope! - But you got a ticket, right? - Nope! It doesn't matter! Love will find a way, bro! But I'll wait here just in case it doesn't.
KASH: Please, I need to get on that flight.
The woman I love is about to get married.
I've already told you, it's fully booked.
I have a seat on a flight tomorrow morning.
She'll be married by then.
Yeah, 'cause no one ever gets divorced.
Damn it, Margot, give the boy a ticket.
I would if I could, Haroon, but there are no tickets.
Oh [CHUCKLES.]
Take off the girl with the fake service dog.
How do you know it's fake? BOTH: If you're not blind, it's fake.
There you go.
Thank you.
Thanks, Dad.
- I love you.
- [GROANS.]
Go and get your Ainsley.
No, Dad, it's Maya.
We talked you know what? Never mind, it's fine.
Good luck, whoever it is! SINGER: Get on my knees and say a prayer, James Brown That I can make your hands clap It's fake.
SINGER: That I can make your hands clap [BELL CHIMES.]
Sorry, sorry.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Sorry.
Sorry, a little bit of a hurry.
Sorry, thank you.
Sorry.
Excuse me, thank you! [ELEGANT MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY OVER SPEAKERS.]
TONY 2: Oh, this is exciting.
I've never been to a wedding in New Jersey before.
Well, with any luck, it'll be our first and our last.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh? You wouldn't want to get married here? Are we getting married? Oh, babe, did you bring the, uh, baby monitor that works across the ocean? No.
I made that up to get you on the plane, hon.
What? AINSLEY: Maya! Over here.
I love this.
SINGER: Somebody save your soul 'Cause you've been sinning in the city, I know [HORNS HONKING.]
SINGER: Got you losing control You're like a drug to me, a luxury, my sugar Mate, is there any way you can go around this? Uh, sorry.
Richie Sambora is cutting the ribbon at a new mall.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Huh? You know what? Screw it.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Hey.
Hey! What kind of fucking money is this? Sorry, in a rush! [PLAYING BACH'S CELLO SUITE NO.
1 IN G MAJOR.]
[WHISPERING.]
I can't believe you guys came.
How did this happen? [PLAYING BRIDAL CHORUS.]
Good luck.
[FITZ AND THE TANTRUMS' HANDCLAP RESUMES.]
SINGER: That I can make your hands clap Gemma, um my whole life, I've had these romantic notions about what love is supposed to be, but being with you and Giles has shown me what the real thing can be like.
I love you.
KASH: Stop! - [CROWD MURMURING.]
- Stop! Don't do this! I love you, and I know [SOFTER.]
You love me, too.
What? No, I don't.
KASH: Gemma [PANTING.]
Wait, you're marrying Duffy? Well, I'm trying to.
KASH: Wait, but I thought [SOFT MUSIC.]
Please sit down, dude.
How many weddings do you have to ruin? I am so sorry.
- [SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT.]
- Yeah.
Caleb, falling in love with you has been one of the sweetest surprises of my life.
- Who's Caleb? - GEMMA: That and learning [WHISPERING.]
It's your best friend's first name.
What? I thought his name was Craig.
That's why we were calling him Duffy.
GEMMA: It does require a lot of Oh, shit.
GEMMA: I don't ever want to live a life without you.
You are the greatest partner I could have asked for, the fiercest friend I could have ever wished for, and the role model for Giles I'd only hope SINGER: Oh, my love, we're here again [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
But this isn't the end In your early life - Hi.
- Hi.
I liked what you said to Gemma.
- You did? - Yeah.
I'm sorry it didn't work out between you two, though.
Yeah, it was kind of a waste of a trip.
Well, it doesn't have to be.
Do you want to be my date to this wedding? I don't know I sort of feel like these things are a good place to meet women.
[LAUGHS.]
God.
SINGER: Oh, oh, oh, my love I, I, I'm not giving up If you don't let go Then I won't let go If you don't let go Then I won't let go If you just hold on We will get there in the end If you don't let go Then I won't let go If you don't let go Then I won't let go If you just hold on We will get there in the end If you don't let go Then I won't let go Oh, oh, oh Then I won't let go Oh, oh, oh Then I won't let go Oh, oh, oh Then I won't let go Softly sounding out the call Endlessly Quietly Oh, oh, oh, my love I, I, I'm not giving up - [SONG CHANGES.]
- SINGER: It must be some kind of magic Bum-ba-di-dum That brought the sparkle to my eye It gives me sweet little pains in my heart Like a sweet little rain that falls for a flower You're what matters Baby, you're the star And that's love, a new kind PERSON: Go to bed.