Glory Daze (2010) s01e10 Episode Script
Some Like it Hot Tub
Geez.
Palm trees? Torches? Thirty gallons of fermented wine and punch? That's That's why is a serious operation.
That's right.
Our mid-semester blow-out is serious.
Not to be confused With our two-thirds-of- the-way-through fiesta.
Gentlemen, our legendary founder, Steve Byerson, Taught us that any fraternity can celebrate The beginning and end of something.
But to pause and enjoy the middle That's the stuff of greatness.
I love that we party in fractions.
Exactly.
And when those fractions come together, you become whole.
Wow.
It's like you guys have some sort of master plan.
Finally, someone notices.
I think it's time.
Behold, gentlemen.
The Losamatic 5000.
Imported from Norway, The Losamatic features 17 hydrotherapy jets, Multicolored lighting, and, for the advanced hot tubber, These stainless-steel handles To provide leverage while thrusting.
Whoa.
Come on, reno.
Wow.
What? It's from the manual.
Verbatim.
What's the matter, Joel? Doou not like norwegian hydrotherapy? No, no.
Sounds great.
It's just -- it's kind of hard to think about partying When you don't know how you did on your midterms.
What do midterms have to do with celebrating the middle? I mean, this party is about being in the moment.
And being in a hot tub.
And this very moment, Haines is posting his grades.
So hopefully this is still the middle and not the end for me.
Is it time? See, now, there's a man For whom the moment just can't get here fast enough.
Glory Daze - Season 1, Episode 10 "Some Like It Hot Tub" Joel! Hey.
Christie.
Hey.
Checking to see what you got on Haines' midterm? Oh, grades are going up today? Yeah.
I'm just here 'cause I enjoy crowded hallways.
Really? Oh, you're kidding.
you're getting faster, Joel.
Six weeks ago, it would've taken you till lunch.
Just imagine how fast I'll be at the end of the semester.
I might even stop asking stupid questions altogether.
Wow.
You dream big.
All right.
Step back, everybody.
I'm going to post these grades and then go into my office And enjoy your screams of anguish.
Oh.
You two.
That can't be good.
Do we have to look? You know, maybe we should look together, share the pain.
Yeah.
Shared pain is better.
Okay.
I can't believe this.
I know! We both got a's.
Well, technically, mine was an a-minus.
But why be technical when we're this happy? Good point.
Thanks for letting me borrow your notes.
They were really helpful.
Oh, yeah.
That's what notes are for.
Lending and helping.
They were also kind of surprising.
Especially when I got to This page.
Uh Is that me? Wow.
Yeah.
That's That might be you.
Yeah.
Um You know, I draw a lot of things.
Yeah.
Um, clouds.
Elves.
Eli.
Eli an elf.
I also have a sketch of larry bird in here somewhere.
I-I really like larry bird.
Do you? Um, larry? Where are you, larry? But don't worry.
I'll find him.
Uh, Joel.
I don't -- I don't need to see larry.
I just wanted to make sure things weren't weird with us.
Weird? Why? What, because of this? No.
This -- this is nothing.
Okay.
Look.
You have a boyfriend, okay? And I'm a pledge in that boyfriend's fraternity.
Did I mention this was nothing? So we're cool? So cool.
I'm cool.
You're cool.
Larry birdIs cool.
Right? There he is.
See? Told you I drew him.
There he is.
Man of my word.
So you don't got to worry about that.
Okay.
Uh, but I'll see you at the party tonight.
Okay.
Bye, Joel.
Bye! Good -- good talk.
Breathe.
Again.
Sounds good.
Well, your vitals appear to be normal.
Oh, my god.
Julie.
The health center just called and said you fainted.
Are you all right? Yeah.
I-I don't know what happened.
I-I feel fine now.
It must have been some sort of seizure.
Well, look who's self-diagnosing.
Why don't I step out and have a cigarette And when I come back, you tell me what's wrong with you? I'm just kidding.
I find that humor helps patients relax.
A little something I picked up at medical school in Guam.
You went to medical school in Guam.
Mm.
The Harvard of the Pacific.
I have their spanish motto tattooed on my shoulder.
"haz el maximo que puedes"? Translation -- "do the best you can.
" Now, darling, why don't you walk me through what happened? Uh, well, I was doing laundry, Sitting on top of the dryer to study -- I like to multitask.
And then suddenly, I started getting short of breath.
My hands were shaking and sweating.
My heart started to race.
And then this wave of euphoria just washed right over me.
Mm.
I think I know what we're dealing with here.
Sounds like textbook coitus climactus.
Oh, god.
What is that? In layman's terms, You just had your first orgasm.
Orgasm? First? Oh, to be young again.
Um Cherish this moment.
You never want to forget your first one.
Smile! I'm sorry.
There's got to be some mistake.
Julie, what do you feel when we have sex? I mean I-I don't know.
A little tickling, slight shame, and the sudden urge to snuggle.
Don't let it get you down, son.
The mysteries of a woman's body take decades to master.
Or eight years of study in Guam.
I hope you scrapbook, because this one is a keeper.
Ah.
Yeah, dizzy.
I'm diggin' this groove.
We had a deal, Haines! You made a promise! Brother Jerrod? What the hell are you doing here? What are you doing telling my wives about each other? What happened to the code between men? Don't you barge into my office talking about codes between men.
Unless you have official Omega Sig business, I'm gonna have to ask you To leave my office-slash-living quarters.
Not until you tell me Why you chose to ruin-slash-destroy my life! My wives mean everything to me! Oh, come on.
I got better things to do Than to rat out a national fraternity adviser Cutting a polygamist swath across the United States.
Well, you know, of course if you say it like that, It sounds terrible.
Is there a better way to say it? Uh, yeah.
How about, you know, you didn't mention love.
Nobody focuses on the love.
I love my wives.
Individually and collectively.
All right.
If it wasn't you, who was it? Here's a theory -- Maybe your wives found out about each other on their own.
Damn that freedom of information act.
Boy, you'd think putting them four states apart Would've been enough.
Ah.
Best-laid plans.
Well, thanks for stopping by.
I actually have my own failed marriage to mourn.
Oh.
IDon't have anywhere to go.
My wives -- They all, uh Kicked me out.
Oh.
Well, I know what that's like.
Except it's one wife In one state.
It's different But the same.
Hurts, doesn't it? So you sleep here? Mm-hmm.
It's really nice.
Thank you.
I've been bunking in the back of my lincoln.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's rough.
What I wouldn't give for a setup like this.
Oh ho.
Well, a phd does have its perks.
Apparently.
Whoo.
ooh! Lunch is ready.
Ooh.
Can I interest you in some fish sticks? Oh, yes.
Thank you.
That would be great.
I am such a fool! I mean, drawing Christie in my notebook? Oh, god.
Why did I have to get so hung up on her? You should adopt my policy Of only having crushes on animated ninjas.
Yeah.
You do mean girl ninjas, don't you? Well, I imagine that they're girls.
But that's the beauty of the ninja.
You never know what's behind the mask.
All I know is that this is not a normal way To go through college.
Don't worry about it, Joel.
Two weeks ago, annabel and I were doing it in the bushes, And now, well, she's joined a cult.
So who's to say what's normal? Helloookie! "helloookie"? God.
Joe! Oh! Tammy! Hey! What are you doing here? Great news.
I passed the test! Test? Oh.
Midterms.
That's -- good for you.
You never stop being cute.
I'm talking about the test that you gave me.
You wanted to see if I was going to be clingy or needy, And I wasn't, so I passed the test.
Yay! Now we can be boyfriend-girlfriend.
Whoa-ee.
What? Yay! Yay! We have so much catching up to do.
So I brought with me pixy stix, marshmallow fluff, AndTwister! Doesn't that sound like an afternoon of fun, Joe? You mean Joel.
It's Joel.
No.
It's only been two weeks, And he's already forgotten his nickname.
He studies.
All the time.
Oh.
I get it.
You need space.
I'm cool with that.
I'll just go play twister by myself until you're ready.
Okay.
Right hand red.
Yay! Yay! So, was that Tammy? Yeah.
That girl is What? Persistent? Well, I was gonna say "nuts," but "persistent" works.
Well, apparently she thinks we're boyfriend-girlfriend.
I wonder what the drawings in her notebooks look like.
Ooh.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Oh, my god.
I'm Christie's Tammy.
Yay! Yay! No! Not "yay"! No.
Hey, Chang.
Why so glum? I got a "b" on my microeconomics midterm.
Whoa, man.
If this is the way you're gonna act when you got a "b," You got bigger problems than microeconomics.
You don't understand asian culture.
A-anything short of perfection dishonors my family.
Hey, hey.
You didn't dishonor anybody, okay? It was one bad test.
I'm not gonna let you mope around here all night.
I'm gonna take you to the omega sig mid-semester blowout, huh? No, I don't think so, Eli.
Did I mention there's a hot tub? Hot tub? Imported all the way from norway.
With thrusting handles.
What are those? I have no idea, but I'm really excited to find out.
Huh? You and me.
Best night ever.
hot tub thrusting handles Huh? Huh? Let's do it.
Put some pants on.
Who would've predicted this? Two former enemies now bonding Over their mutual failings with women.
And their mutual love of fish sticks and scotch.
Boy, maybe this bachelorhood thing isn't so bad.
To the brotherhood of men.
Yeah.
You know, being single has its advantages.
Did your wife ever ask you to sit down to urinate? No.
Never.
Okay, one did.
But she had carpet, so I kind of get it.
Well, you'll never suffer that indignity again.
Standing, sitting -- it's your body, your choice.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Two stewardesses, 12 o'clock.
I ever tell you my stewardess fantasy? Hey, hey, hey.
What about the brotherhood of men? Are you kidding? Look at those uniforms.
Those impractical high heels.
Well, I've sworn off women.
But if you want to go ahead, please -- Don't let me stand in your way.
No.
I couldn't let you sit over here by yourself.
I'd feel terrible.
Ah.
Somebody doesn't have an opening line.
Are you kidding me? I have a whole arsenal.
I have sexy.
I have coy.
I have silent But deadly.
Okay, look.
I got nothing.
I haven't had an opening line since 1975.
Aloysius, here's a little secret.
you don't need an opening line.
You just need four little words.
"that.
" "is.
" "so.
" "interesting.
" Come on.
Like that's gonna work.
Oh, fine.
Don't take the advice of a guy with two wives And a smoking-hot fiancée.
What could he possibly know about women? "that is interesting.
" No.
Stop that! What are you doing? You don't emphasize anyOneWord.
It's all the same level.
"that is so interesting.
" "that is so interesting.
" "that is so interesting.
" "that is so interesting.
" "that is so interesting.
" "that is so interesting.
" SoHow was it? Great.
You know it wasn't great.
Especially now that you know what great feels like.
What? It felt good.
So we just went from "great" to "good" in two seconds? What's next? Uh, "adequate"? Would you stop? You are putting a real damper on cuddle time.
God, Julie.
What does this say about us? Jason, look.
Nothing has changed.
You know, I'm still the same person I was yesterday.
One mind-blowing orgasm doesn't change anything.
Hold on.
SoThe -- the dryer is mind-blowing, and I am adequate.
That's just great.
This is exactly what I was worried about.
Okay.
Jason, I can't talk to you when you're like this.
Like what? Adequate? okay.
New plan -- I'm going back to my room to study, And you are gonna figure out a way to stop obsessing.
What about the omega sig party? Um, I'll just meet you there, okay? Now, stop obsessing.
Fine.
All right, b.
Let's go, buddy.
Attaboy! Whoo! You are on fire, man! Yes, I am.
Someone stop me before I burn up! You call that on fire, man? Give me that thing.
Hey.
Hey.
That is so interesting.
I know! And after the beverage service, we start the in-flight movie.
I can't tell you how many times I've seen "Brewster's millions.
" That is so interesting.
It is! I know! Hey! Hey, Brian! Hey, have you seen Julie anywhere? Uh, not here.
I saw her back at the dorms.
She said she had laundry to do.
No! No! No, no, no, no! Excuse me.
So, uh, let's talk Brian.
What do you know about him? Well, his girlfriend recently joined a cult, So he's single.
Perfect! I love when fate brings people together.
You know, we met last week, And we had a definite connection.
And those don't happen every day.
You're right.
They don't.
That's why we've got a cockpit.
I get it! That is so interesting.
Maybe even more interesting Than the interesting thing you said before.
Aloysius, why don't we get another round of Amaretto Sours For these lovely ladies? Oh, thank you.
That's so sweet.
Don't go anywhere.
All right.
okay! Phew.
This is going great! What do you think you're doing? You can't just keep saying the same thing over and over again.
Well, that's what you told me to say.
No.
You say other things, too.
Look, when somebody tells you About their aunt's nine-year battle with cancer, You don't say, "that is so interesting.
" Well, it was interesting.
The way that woman fought that insidious disease, Only to die from dehydration After getting lost in a corn maze? Okay.
You know what? That really was interesting.
I'll give you that.
But come on.
Mix it up a little.
Those are the only four words I have.
Oh, come on, aloysius.
You're a college professor.
You're a learned man.
You talk in front of hundreds of students every day.
There must be a million things you can talk about.
Just act naturally.
Let it flow.
Okay.
Ladies.
Ooh.
Well, that's a nice change -- men serving us drinks.
Oh! 'cause you're a stewardess! that's very funny.
that's great.
Very good.
Uh, I'm divorced.
All right! Aloysius, why don't you tell us About the, uh, the book you've been writing? Oh! Yes! The book! Tell us about it.
Well, uh The opening chapter is a -- Is a riveting analysis of the secession of Bangladesh.
Oh, my gosh.
An author.
You know, I've always wondered -- Why did Bangladesh secede? Uh, who hasn't wondered that? I certainly have.
Why -- why did -- tell us about it! Well, it all started many years ago, When a few young Bangladeshians decided, "what are we doing here? We could be anywhere.
" That is so interesting.
Yeah, this is great.
I was moping in my room.
Now I'm mopng in the hallway.
Hey, it's gonna be fine, okay? Look, you got wine coolers.
We got candles.
We got our chocolate strawberries soaked in brandy.
Soon as we get in the jacuzzi, the ladies are gonna love us.
We've been waiting here forever.
We're never gonna get in.
Whoa, Chang.
That was amazing.
Yeah.
Amazing.
I can't get an "A" in microeconomics, But I can bowl anything.
Five bucks says you can't do that again.
Wait.
What do you mean, you can bowl anything? It's a worthless talent that I have.
Ten bucks.
You sure you can bowl anything? Anything.
All right.
Leave the rest to me.
I'll take that bet, big guy.
And it was on that day that the Congo became Zaire.
He is so interesting.
And so smart.
It's like you know everything about every country.
What do you say we take this party Someplace a little cozier? Well, why don't we go back to your hotel room? Oh.
We already checked out.
Where else could we go? Um, don't worry, ladies.
We'll take care of that.
Super.
We'll take care of this, too.
Okay.
Don't move.
Don't go anywhere.
Oh, we won't.
Wow.
I haven't had a night like this since -- Since 1975, right? Yeah.
I hate to put a wrinkle in things, But where were you planning to take These beautiful angels of the sky -- My car or your cot? We got to make this work.
I know.
You don't have to say it.
This party's missing something.
Oh, maybe I'm missing something.
Seems like it's going pretty well.
Is it, Joel? What would Steve Byerson think if he walked in here right now? I shudder to think.
Now, we got to take it up a notch.
Joel, come with me.
These boys love us.
You're gonna have a wonderful time.
A fraternity party? Jennifer, did you have any idea when you woke up this morning That you would end up at a fraternity party? That's why I love this job.
There's adventure around every corner.
Look, I know you have sworn off women.
So if you want to bow out, I totally understand.
Uh, no.
I'm here for you.
This is the brotherhood of men.
I told you I'm gonna get you back in the game.
I'm gonna get you back in the game.
Okay.
Let's close this deal.
Aloha -- oh-no-ha! Well, that wasn't very welcoming.
National adviser! Brother Jerrod is here! Shut it down! Samoans, out! I'll get the fire dancers.
Yes.
Uh, that's a game.
Lads like to play a game with us.
They just like to have fun.
Oh.
You know kids.
Can you believe we fell for that one again? You! You look respectable.
Come with me.
How long do you think this joke lasts? I don't know.
Brother Jerrod.
Professor Haines.
What a wonderful surprise.
I was just teaching one of our model pledges The greek alphabet.
Uh, alpha, beta, gammaLava -- Please come in.
Ladies.
Welcome to Omega Sig.
Yes, sir.
Well done.
Brother Damon.
Good to see you again, sir.
"lava.
" Ginger ale? Juice? Finger food? That's all right, son.
We're not here on official business.
Come on.
We know all about your mid-semester blowout.
They think we're having a blowout.
No.
Can I talk to you, Smythe? We're here to party.
And more importantly They are here to party.
Make it happen.
Uh, come out, come out, wherever you are! Stankowski, Stankowski.
Hey.
What's up, dude? My first week of school, You gave this to me and said I'd need it someday.
Today is that day.
Can you please fill this with marijuana and make me stoned? Hey, listen.
Why you stressing me out right now, man? I'm just looking for some butter.
I don't want to discuss it, okay? It's embarrassing.
Dude.
Come on, man.
It's the stank.
Ah, the lost art of pleasuring a woman.
Shh! Funny.
Funny guy over here.
Can I please just get high? Please.
No can do, argyled one.
Listen.
Um, you know, it's like, The power of the herbage is aplenty.
But in this instance, You have to keep a clear mind and a pure heart.
You know? No, I don't know.
You don't understand.
I need this! You don't.
Your girl, uh, you know, she just had a breakthrough, okay? Do not fear that.
Just be there now On her new level of consciousness, you know? I'm trying.
I can't.
II feel guilty.
I feel confused.
I question my technique.
I -- Hey, listen to yourself, man.
"I, I, I-I-I.
I, I, I, I.
" Did you ever stop to consider That there's no "I" in "orgasm"? Dude, look.
She's figuring out her body.
It's all good.
You know what you got to do, though? Have her teach you.
Hey, butter, where the heck are you? Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Teach me what?! What are we doing here? Well, I spent most of the house slush fund On a norwegian hot tub, and we need cash.
Okay.
Wish me luck.
Show 'em what you're made of, buddy.
Okay.
Where is he Every great thing in life has that one defining moment, Joel.
An instant we can all look back on and say, "oh, right then, right there -- That's when it all went right.
" And this party needs its moment? Only if we want it to be great.
But here's the thing, Joel -- Sometimes the moment comes to us.
Sometimewe've got to make the moment.
The key is knowing which.
It's a very, very tricky balance.
Yeah.
I'll say.
By the way, how much of this are you making up on the fly? Mm.
How much of it are you buying? What's taking hector so long? This is ridiculous.
I should probably go check on him.
You stay here and keep an eye out.
Okay.
For what? Anything out of the ordinary.
W-- re-- okay.
That clears that up.
Okay.
Three-to-one odds That my talented friend here can bowl another strike.
No? With a pineapple.
All right.
Here we go.
Okay.
I don't know, Chang.
People don't like your odds with the pineapple.
Many a man have doubted the changster.
Watch and cry, people.
Oh! That's what I'm talking about! Ho! For you, sir.
Thank you, sir.
People, what have we witnessed here today? Man rolls a perfect game with a pineapple, a lunch box, John steinbeck's "grapes of wrath.
" What can't this man bowl with?! Who's ready for double or nothing? Cleaned me out.
Yes, I did.
You want to win it back? Hot in here.
Whoo! It's 'cause I like your smile.
Wow! There must have been 20 people in that line, And we blazed right by them.
What can I say? Advising young men has its privileges.
And advising a man who advises young men Has even more privileges.
sorry, al.
Couldn't resist.
I don't blame you.
I would've said the same thing.
So, ladies, what do we do now? We don't have any bathing suits.
Uh, we strip down to our underwear, silly.
Yeah, you big silly.
I have to warn you -- I'm wearing boxers, So there will be some ballooning.
I love balloons! What do you think of balloons? I like when they blow up.
That is so interesting.
All right.
All right! All right! Okay! Okay! Okay! Okay! Now, the terms -- If the changster can't make a strike, Everyone gets their money back.
But if he does -- and I'm pretty sure he will -- We're next in line for the hot tub.
Deal? We're on! Let's do it! Hot tub, here we come! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yeah! Oh, my goodness.
Fraternity parties, norwegian hot tubs, Ballooning boxers.
Whoa! Do brother Jerrod and I know How to show ladies a good time or what? Oh, you are such a cutie! You know, I could change my hub to forwayne.
That way, I'd be in town five times a month.
Change the hub.
More time in the tub.
Should we tell them wur news? Oh, yeah! She said yes! To what? We're getting married! His proposal was so suave.
It was like he's done it a million times! But you just met her.
I know.
Isn't that amazing? I'm a slave to my own heart.
Hey, you want to see the back of my lincoln? Hey, you want to see me make fish sticks? This is a dream come true! We're back.
Way back.
Oh, Jason.
I just finished the laundry.
I thought I was gonna meet you at the party.
Teach me, Julie.
What? About you.
I want to be taught.
Start the car! Start the car! W-what the hell is going on? Joel, start the car.
Is this one of thoue moments you were talking about? This? No.
But every great moment has another moment That makes it possible.
If we're lucky, this is that.
Freshman! Drive, freshman! Drive! Hey! Get back here, you son of a bitch! At's an illegal move! Never mess with the Omega kid! No sleeper holds! No sleeper holds! There we go! Hey, have you guys seen Christie? Hey, joe! I found you! Whoa.
Tammy.
Hey.
I know you said you wanted space, but I wanted you.
So I decided to flip a coin -- heads, you get space, Tails, you get me, and it was heads.
So I decided to do best out of three.
And two tails later, here I am! Great.
Yeah.
I'm glad you could make it, Tammy.
But I got to run, okay? There's something I got to do.
I'm sorry.
But, joe.
I'm sorry, but I'm totally getting mixed messages from you.
I'm sorry, Tammy.
I-I really don't mean to confuse you.
It's just -- I guess we're all confused.
It's college, right? I got to go.
Well, I'm not confused! I swear! Do I look confused? Chocolate-covered, brandy-soaked strawberry? Mmm.
So, can you really bowl anything? What did you have in mind? That's the magic I'm talking about! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Helloookie! Oh.
Sorry.
This is not the bathroom.
Helloookie, uh, mystery woman.
Welcome to the lair.
Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Gosh.
I've never been to a lair before.
Kind of feel like Tammy in wonderland.
Do you live here? Yeah.
10 years and counting.
I don't mean to brag.
Wow.
You have so many trinkets.
Thanks.
I love trinkets.
This is my favorite trinket.
It's from my boyfriend.
Oh, who am I kidding? I bought it myself.
I'm so confused.
That's okay.
I love trinkets.
I'm always buying trinkets.
Really? It's not weird? No way.
Not at all.
Hey, I don't mean to alarm you, But your ponytail is over there right now.
Oh.
you.
Ow.
That's supposed to be like that.
It's a side ponytail.
Patent pending.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Just -- you just Ugh.
Well, let's talk about your confusion and stuff.
Well, it's like this -- Joe and I are meant to be together.
I get that.
He doesn't -- yet.
But I'm not giving up.
That's good.
Think of it like this, you know -- People are like ships.
Oh, I love ships.
I pretty much like everything that floats, Like driftwood, root beer, rubber duckies -- Whoa.
You talk so much.
You know? Really? Yeah.
Nobody's ever told me that before.
Here's the thing about ships, you know? Sometimes they're sailing in the water, And they don't even see each other Because it's so dark at night, and they don't connect at all.
That's okay.
What if you really love that ship That passes you in the night? Yeah.
That's a curveball.
Yeah.
But that's the thing about ships, you know? It's like, there's always another one coming along.
And it's like, you can just be sailing, And then all of a sudden another ship comes up.
And it's like, "yo.
" and then you're like, "okay.
" But it's like, until then You got to focus on What's your name, anyway? Tammy.
You got to focus on Tammy time.
"Tammy time.
" Yeah.
I like that.
I never thought about that before, which is so weird, Because I really think about everything Pretty much all the time -- ah.
Tammy time.
Tammy time.
What's this? A bong.
A bong? What's it do? Everything.
Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Hey, Christie.
There you are.
Hey, Joel.
Can I talk to you for a second? Sure.
Okay.
Are we still doing the awkward thing? I hope not.
Look, Christie.
I've had a rock in my stomach all day, AndIt just kept getting worse, Until I was sitting in the driver's seat of a ford galaxie And I was being chased by this crazed wrestler -- What? Never mind.
The point is I don't want what happened this morning to define us.
What I told you about my drawings and larry bird We both know that was bullshit.
Joel, don't -- no.
I-I need to.
Because I think that you are amazing, Christie.
I have since the first day that I met you.
And I don't know what I was doing.
You have a boyfriend who's great.
How could I even think that there was something there? But trust me -- II get it now.
I promise.
It's done.
Joel, wait.
You're not crazy.
You're not.
And I want you to know, If we met at a different time or in a different place But we didn't, did we? We didn't.
And we have to live in the moment.
We do.
You're incredible.
You really are.
See you around, lone wolf.
Okay, Joel.
Hey.
You ready for the defining moment? I am now.
Oh, great.
Because thanks to our re-slushed slush fund, I just had a truckload of lawn chairs delivered.
Amazing, isn't it? Wait.
That's the defining moment? I had a vision, Joel.
Okay! Everybody! To the Byerson lawn! Come on.
Chop-chop! Ooh! Oh! Oh! Ooh! My god! You are amazing.
well, you are some teacher.
So, did it happen? We were very close.
so we didn't.
No.
But you know what that means? We get to keep practicing.
I like practicing.
yeah.
You know, for a minute there, I was seeing fireworks.
Yeah.
Me too.
Hey, look.
They really are fireworks.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Hey, guys.
Hey! Just when I think this party couldn't get any better.
Who got these? Courtesy of reno and the Omega kid.
Where have you been all night? Just making sure Chang had the best night ever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ahh.
Tammy time.
Helloookie.
Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Hey, what's up? Julie! Hey! Look at her smile, man.
Someone's happy.
What can I say? Girl likes fireworks.
Okay, boys.
I hope you enjoyed your first 21/2 months.
'cause now the training wheels come off.
Things are about to get really interesting.
Yep.
"about to"?
Palm trees? Torches? Thirty gallons of fermented wine and punch? That's That's why is a serious operation.
That's right.
Our mid-semester blow-out is serious.
Not to be confused With our two-thirds-of- the-way-through fiesta.
Gentlemen, our legendary founder, Steve Byerson, Taught us that any fraternity can celebrate The beginning and end of something.
But to pause and enjoy the middle That's the stuff of greatness.
I love that we party in fractions.
Exactly.
And when those fractions come together, you become whole.
Wow.
It's like you guys have some sort of master plan.
Finally, someone notices.
I think it's time.
Behold, gentlemen.
The Losamatic 5000.
Imported from Norway, The Losamatic features 17 hydrotherapy jets, Multicolored lighting, and, for the advanced hot tubber, These stainless-steel handles To provide leverage while thrusting.
Whoa.
Come on, reno.
Wow.
What? It's from the manual.
Verbatim.
What's the matter, Joel? Doou not like norwegian hydrotherapy? No, no.
Sounds great.
It's just -- it's kind of hard to think about partying When you don't know how you did on your midterms.
What do midterms have to do with celebrating the middle? I mean, this party is about being in the moment.
And being in a hot tub.
And this very moment, Haines is posting his grades.
So hopefully this is still the middle and not the end for me.
Is it time? See, now, there's a man For whom the moment just can't get here fast enough.
Glory Daze - Season 1, Episode 10 "Some Like It Hot Tub" Joel! Hey.
Christie.
Hey.
Checking to see what you got on Haines' midterm? Oh, grades are going up today? Yeah.
I'm just here 'cause I enjoy crowded hallways.
Really? Oh, you're kidding.
you're getting faster, Joel.
Six weeks ago, it would've taken you till lunch.
Just imagine how fast I'll be at the end of the semester.
I might even stop asking stupid questions altogether.
Wow.
You dream big.
All right.
Step back, everybody.
I'm going to post these grades and then go into my office And enjoy your screams of anguish.
Oh.
You two.
That can't be good.
Do we have to look? You know, maybe we should look together, share the pain.
Yeah.
Shared pain is better.
Okay.
I can't believe this.
I know! We both got a's.
Well, technically, mine was an a-minus.
But why be technical when we're this happy? Good point.
Thanks for letting me borrow your notes.
They were really helpful.
Oh, yeah.
That's what notes are for.
Lending and helping.
They were also kind of surprising.
Especially when I got to This page.
Uh Is that me? Wow.
Yeah.
That's That might be you.
Yeah.
Um You know, I draw a lot of things.
Yeah.
Um, clouds.
Elves.
Eli.
Eli an elf.
I also have a sketch of larry bird in here somewhere.
I-I really like larry bird.
Do you? Um, larry? Where are you, larry? But don't worry.
I'll find him.
Uh, Joel.
I don't -- I don't need to see larry.
I just wanted to make sure things weren't weird with us.
Weird? Why? What, because of this? No.
This -- this is nothing.
Okay.
Look.
You have a boyfriend, okay? And I'm a pledge in that boyfriend's fraternity.
Did I mention this was nothing? So we're cool? So cool.
I'm cool.
You're cool.
Larry birdIs cool.
Right? There he is.
See? Told you I drew him.
There he is.
Man of my word.
So you don't got to worry about that.
Okay.
Uh, but I'll see you at the party tonight.
Okay.
Bye, Joel.
Bye! Good -- good talk.
Breathe.
Again.
Sounds good.
Well, your vitals appear to be normal.
Oh, my god.
Julie.
The health center just called and said you fainted.
Are you all right? Yeah.
I-I don't know what happened.
I-I feel fine now.
It must have been some sort of seizure.
Well, look who's self-diagnosing.
Why don't I step out and have a cigarette And when I come back, you tell me what's wrong with you? I'm just kidding.
I find that humor helps patients relax.
A little something I picked up at medical school in Guam.
You went to medical school in Guam.
Mm.
The Harvard of the Pacific.
I have their spanish motto tattooed on my shoulder.
"haz el maximo que puedes"? Translation -- "do the best you can.
" Now, darling, why don't you walk me through what happened? Uh, well, I was doing laundry, Sitting on top of the dryer to study -- I like to multitask.
And then suddenly, I started getting short of breath.
My hands were shaking and sweating.
My heart started to race.
And then this wave of euphoria just washed right over me.
Mm.
I think I know what we're dealing with here.
Sounds like textbook coitus climactus.
Oh, god.
What is that? In layman's terms, You just had your first orgasm.
Orgasm? First? Oh, to be young again.
Um Cherish this moment.
You never want to forget your first one.
Smile! I'm sorry.
There's got to be some mistake.
Julie, what do you feel when we have sex? I mean I-I don't know.
A little tickling, slight shame, and the sudden urge to snuggle.
Don't let it get you down, son.
The mysteries of a woman's body take decades to master.
Or eight years of study in Guam.
I hope you scrapbook, because this one is a keeper.
Ah.
Yeah, dizzy.
I'm diggin' this groove.
We had a deal, Haines! You made a promise! Brother Jerrod? What the hell are you doing here? What are you doing telling my wives about each other? What happened to the code between men? Don't you barge into my office talking about codes between men.
Unless you have official Omega Sig business, I'm gonna have to ask you To leave my office-slash-living quarters.
Not until you tell me Why you chose to ruin-slash-destroy my life! My wives mean everything to me! Oh, come on.
I got better things to do Than to rat out a national fraternity adviser Cutting a polygamist swath across the United States.
Well, you know, of course if you say it like that, It sounds terrible.
Is there a better way to say it? Uh, yeah.
How about, you know, you didn't mention love.
Nobody focuses on the love.
I love my wives.
Individually and collectively.
All right.
If it wasn't you, who was it? Here's a theory -- Maybe your wives found out about each other on their own.
Damn that freedom of information act.
Boy, you'd think putting them four states apart Would've been enough.
Ah.
Best-laid plans.
Well, thanks for stopping by.
I actually have my own failed marriage to mourn.
Oh.
IDon't have anywhere to go.
My wives -- They all, uh Kicked me out.
Oh.
Well, I know what that's like.
Except it's one wife In one state.
It's different But the same.
Hurts, doesn't it? So you sleep here? Mm-hmm.
It's really nice.
Thank you.
I've been bunking in the back of my lincoln.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's rough.
What I wouldn't give for a setup like this.
Oh ho.
Well, a phd does have its perks.
Apparently.
Whoo.
ooh! Lunch is ready.
Ooh.
Can I interest you in some fish sticks? Oh, yes.
Thank you.
That would be great.
I am such a fool! I mean, drawing Christie in my notebook? Oh, god.
Why did I have to get so hung up on her? You should adopt my policy Of only having crushes on animated ninjas.
Yeah.
You do mean girl ninjas, don't you? Well, I imagine that they're girls.
But that's the beauty of the ninja.
You never know what's behind the mask.
All I know is that this is not a normal way To go through college.
Don't worry about it, Joel.
Two weeks ago, annabel and I were doing it in the bushes, And now, well, she's joined a cult.
So who's to say what's normal? Helloookie! "helloookie"? God.
Joe! Oh! Tammy! Hey! What are you doing here? Great news.
I passed the test! Test? Oh.
Midterms.
That's -- good for you.
You never stop being cute.
I'm talking about the test that you gave me.
You wanted to see if I was going to be clingy or needy, And I wasn't, so I passed the test.
Yay! Now we can be boyfriend-girlfriend.
Whoa-ee.
What? Yay! Yay! We have so much catching up to do.
So I brought with me pixy stix, marshmallow fluff, AndTwister! Doesn't that sound like an afternoon of fun, Joe? You mean Joel.
It's Joel.
No.
It's only been two weeks, And he's already forgotten his nickname.
He studies.
All the time.
Oh.
I get it.
You need space.
I'm cool with that.
I'll just go play twister by myself until you're ready.
Okay.
Right hand red.
Yay! Yay! So, was that Tammy? Yeah.
That girl is What? Persistent? Well, I was gonna say "nuts," but "persistent" works.
Well, apparently she thinks we're boyfriend-girlfriend.
I wonder what the drawings in her notebooks look like.
Ooh.
Whoa.
Yeah.
Oh, my god.
I'm Christie's Tammy.
Yay! Yay! No! Not "yay"! No.
Hey, Chang.
Why so glum? I got a "b" on my microeconomics midterm.
Whoa, man.
If this is the way you're gonna act when you got a "b," You got bigger problems than microeconomics.
You don't understand asian culture.
A-anything short of perfection dishonors my family.
Hey, hey.
You didn't dishonor anybody, okay? It was one bad test.
I'm not gonna let you mope around here all night.
I'm gonna take you to the omega sig mid-semester blowout, huh? No, I don't think so, Eli.
Did I mention there's a hot tub? Hot tub? Imported all the way from norway.
With thrusting handles.
What are those? I have no idea, but I'm really excited to find out.
Huh? You and me.
Best night ever.
hot tub thrusting handles Huh? Huh? Let's do it.
Put some pants on.
Who would've predicted this? Two former enemies now bonding Over their mutual failings with women.
And their mutual love of fish sticks and scotch.
Boy, maybe this bachelorhood thing isn't so bad.
To the brotherhood of men.
Yeah.
You know, being single has its advantages.
Did your wife ever ask you to sit down to urinate? No.
Never.
Okay, one did.
But she had carpet, so I kind of get it.
Well, you'll never suffer that indignity again.
Standing, sitting -- it's your body, your choice.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Two stewardesses, 12 o'clock.
I ever tell you my stewardess fantasy? Hey, hey, hey.
What about the brotherhood of men? Are you kidding? Look at those uniforms.
Those impractical high heels.
Well, I've sworn off women.
But if you want to go ahead, please -- Don't let me stand in your way.
No.
I couldn't let you sit over here by yourself.
I'd feel terrible.
Ah.
Somebody doesn't have an opening line.
Are you kidding me? I have a whole arsenal.
I have sexy.
I have coy.
I have silent But deadly.
Okay, look.
I got nothing.
I haven't had an opening line since 1975.
Aloysius, here's a little secret.
you don't need an opening line.
You just need four little words.
"that.
" "is.
" "so.
" "interesting.
" Come on.
Like that's gonna work.
Oh, fine.
Don't take the advice of a guy with two wives And a smoking-hot fiancée.
What could he possibly know about women? "that is interesting.
" No.
Stop that! What are you doing? You don't emphasize anyOneWord.
It's all the same level.
"that is so interesting.
" "that is so interesting.
" "that is so interesting.
" "that is so interesting.
" "that is so interesting.
" "that is so interesting.
" SoHow was it? Great.
You know it wasn't great.
Especially now that you know what great feels like.
What? It felt good.
So we just went from "great" to "good" in two seconds? What's next? Uh, "adequate"? Would you stop? You are putting a real damper on cuddle time.
God, Julie.
What does this say about us? Jason, look.
Nothing has changed.
You know, I'm still the same person I was yesterday.
One mind-blowing orgasm doesn't change anything.
Hold on.
SoThe -- the dryer is mind-blowing, and I am adequate.
That's just great.
This is exactly what I was worried about.
Okay.
Jason, I can't talk to you when you're like this.
Like what? Adequate? okay.
New plan -- I'm going back to my room to study, And you are gonna figure out a way to stop obsessing.
What about the omega sig party? Um, I'll just meet you there, okay? Now, stop obsessing.
Fine.
All right, b.
Let's go, buddy.
Attaboy! Whoo! You are on fire, man! Yes, I am.
Someone stop me before I burn up! You call that on fire, man? Give me that thing.
Hey.
Hey.
That is so interesting.
I know! And after the beverage service, we start the in-flight movie.
I can't tell you how many times I've seen "Brewster's millions.
" That is so interesting.
It is! I know! Hey! Hey, Brian! Hey, have you seen Julie anywhere? Uh, not here.
I saw her back at the dorms.
She said she had laundry to do.
No! No! No, no, no, no! Excuse me.
So, uh, let's talk Brian.
What do you know about him? Well, his girlfriend recently joined a cult, So he's single.
Perfect! I love when fate brings people together.
You know, we met last week, And we had a definite connection.
And those don't happen every day.
You're right.
They don't.
That's why we've got a cockpit.
I get it! That is so interesting.
Maybe even more interesting Than the interesting thing you said before.
Aloysius, why don't we get another round of Amaretto Sours For these lovely ladies? Oh, thank you.
That's so sweet.
Don't go anywhere.
All right.
okay! Phew.
This is going great! What do you think you're doing? You can't just keep saying the same thing over and over again.
Well, that's what you told me to say.
No.
You say other things, too.
Look, when somebody tells you About their aunt's nine-year battle with cancer, You don't say, "that is so interesting.
" Well, it was interesting.
The way that woman fought that insidious disease, Only to die from dehydration After getting lost in a corn maze? Okay.
You know what? That really was interesting.
I'll give you that.
But come on.
Mix it up a little.
Those are the only four words I have.
Oh, come on, aloysius.
You're a college professor.
You're a learned man.
You talk in front of hundreds of students every day.
There must be a million things you can talk about.
Just act naturally.
Let it flow.
Okay.
Ladies.
Ooh.
Well, that's a nice change -- men serving us drinks.
Oh! 'cause you're a stewardess! that's very funny.
that's great.
Very good.
Uh, I'm divorced.
All right! Aloysius, why don't you tell us About the, uh, the book you've been writing? Oh! Yes! The book! Tell us about it.
Well, uh The opening chapter is a -- Is a riveting analysis of the secession of Bangladesh.
Oh, my gosh.
An author.
You know, I've always wondered -- Why did Bangladesh secede? Uh, who hasn't wondered that? I certainly have.
Why -- why did -- tell us about it! Well, it all started many years ago, When a few young Bangladeshians decided, "what are we doing here? We could be anywhere.
" That is so interesting.
Yeah, this is great.
I was moping in my room.
Now I'm mopng in the hallway.
Hey, it's gonna be fine, okay? Look, you got wine coolers.
We got candles.
We got our chocolate strawberries soaked in brandy.
Soon as we get in the jacuzzi, the ladies are gonna love us.
We've been waiting here forever.
We're never gonna get in.
Whoa, Chang.
That was amazing.
Yeah.
Amazing.
I can't get an "A" in microeconomics, But I can bowl anything.
Five bucks says you can't do that again.
Wait.
What do you mean, you can bowl anything? It's a worthless talent that I have.
Ten bucks.
You sure you can bowl anything? Anything.
All right.
Leave the rest to me.
I'll take that bet, big guy.
And it was on that day that the Congo became Zaire.
He is so interesting.
And so smart.
It's like you know everything about every country.
What do you say we take this party Someplace a little cozier? Well, why don't we go back to your hotel room? Oh.
We already checked out.
Where else could we go? Um, don't worry, ladies.
We'll take care of that.
Super.
We'll take care of this, too.
Okay.
Don't move.
Don't go anywhere.
Oh, we won't.
Wow.
I haven't had a night like this since -- Since 1975, right? Yeah.
I hate to put a wrinkle in things, But where were you planning to take These beautiful angels of the sky -- My car or your cot? We got to make this work.
I know.
You don't have to say it.
This party's missing something.
Oh, maybe I'm missing something.
Seems like it's going pretty well.
Is it, Joel? What would Steve Byerson think if he walked in here right now? I shudder to think.
Now, we got to take it up a notch.
Joel, come with me.
These boys love us.
You're gonna have a wonderful time.
A fraternity party? Jennifer, did you have any idea when you woke up this morning That you would end up at a fraternity party? That's why I love this job.
There's adventure around every corner.
Look, I know you have sworn off women.
So if you want to bow out, I totally understand.
Uh, no.
I'm here for you.
This is the brotherhood of men.
I told you I'm gonna get you back in the game.
I'm gonna get you back in the game.
Okay.
Let's close this deal.
Aloha -- oh-no-ha! Well, that wasn't very welcoming.
National adviser! Brother Jerrod is here! Shut it down! Samoans, out! I'll get the fire dancers.
Yes.
Uh, that's a game.
Lads like to play a game with us.
They just like to have fun.
Oh.
You know kids.
Can you believe we fell for that one again? You! You look respectable.
Come with me.
How long do you think this joke lasts? I don't know.
Brother Jerrod.
Professor Haines.
What a wonderful surprise.
I was just teaching one of our model pledges The greek alphabet.
Uh, alpha, beta, gammaLava -- Please come in.
Ladies.
Welcome to Omega Sig.
Yes, sir.
Well done.
Brother Damon.
Good to see you again, sir.
"lava.
" Ginger ale? Juice? Finger food? That's all right, son.
We're not here on official business.
Come on.
We know all about your mid-semester blowout.
They think we're having a blowout.
No.
Can I talk to you, Smythe? We're here to party.
And more importantly They are here to party.
Make it happen.
Uh, come out, come out, wherever you are! Stankowski, Stankowski.
Hey.
What's up, dude? My first week of school, You gave this to me and said I'd need it someday.
Today is that day.
Can you please fill this with marijuana and make me stoned? Hey, listen.
Why you stressing me out right now, man? I'm just looking for some butter.
I don't want to discuss it, okay? It's embarrassing.
Dude.
Come on, man.
It's the stank.
Ah, the lost art of pleasuring a woman.
Shh! Funny.
Funny guy over here.
Can I please just get high? Please.
No can do, argyled one.
Listen.
Um, you know, it's like, The power of the herbage is aplenty.
But in this instance, You have to keep a clear mind and a pure heart.
You know? No, I don't know.
You don't understand.
I need this! You don't.
Your girl, uh, you know, she just had a breakthrough, okay? Do not fear that.
Just be there now On her new level of consciousness, you know? I'm trying.
I can't.
II feel guilty.
I feel confused.
I question my technique.
I -- Hey, listen to yourself, man.
"I, I, I-I-I.
I, I, I, I.
" Did you ever stop to consider That there's no "I" in "orgasm"? Dude, look.
She's figuring out her body.
It's all good.
You know what you got to do, though? Have her teach you.
Hey, butter, where the heck are you? Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Teach me what?! What are we doing here? Well, I spent most of the house slush fund On a norwegian hot tub, and we need cash.
Okay.
Wish me luck.
Show 'em what you're made of, buddy.
Okay.
Where is he Every great thing in life has that one defining moment, Joel.
An instant we can all look back on and say, "oh, right then, right there -- That's when it all went right.
" And this party needs its moment? Only if we want it to be great.
But here's the thing, Joel -- Sometimes the moment comes to us.
Sometimewe've got to make the moment.
The key is knowing which.
It's a very, very tricky balance.
Yeah.
I'll say.
By the way, how much of this are you making up on the fly? Mm.
How much of it are you buying? What's taking hector so long? This is ridiculous.
I should probably go check on him.
You stay here and keep an eye out.
Okay.
For what? Anything out of the ordinary.
W-- re-- okay.
That clears that up.
Okay.
Three-to-one odds That my talented friend here can bowl another strike.
No? With a pineapple.
All right.
Here we go.
Okay.
I don't know, Chang.
People don't like your odds with the pineapple.
Many a man have doubted the changster.
Watch and cry, people.
Oh! That's what I'm talking about! Ho! For you, sir.
Thank you, sir.
People, what have we witnessed here today? Man rolls a perfect game with a pineapple, a lunch box, John steinbeck's "grapes of wrath.
" What can't this man bowl with?! Who's ready for double or nothing? Cleaned me out.
Yes, I did.
You want to win it back? Hot in here.
Whoo! It's 'cause I like your smile.
Wow! There must have been 20 people in that line, And we blazed right by them.
What can I say? Advising young men has its privileges.
And advising a man who advises young men Has even more privileges.
sorry, al.
Couldn't resist.
I don't blame you.
I would've said the same thing.
So, ladies, what do we do now? We don't have any bathing suits.
Uh, we strip down to our underwear, silly.
Yeah, you big silly.
I have to warn you -- I'm wearing boxers, So there will be some ballooning.
I love balloons! What do you think of balloons? I like when they blow up.
That is so interesting.
All right.
All right! All right! Okay! Okay! Okay! Okay! Now, the terms -- If the changster can't make a strike, Everyone gets their money back.
But if he does -- and I'm pretty sure he will -- We're next in line for the hot tub.
Deal? We're on! Let's do it! Hot tub, here we come! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yeah! Oh, my goodness.
Fraternity parties, norwegian hot tubs, Ballooning boxers.
Whoa! Do brother Jerrod and I know How to show ladies a good time or what? Oh, you are such a cutie! You know, I could change my hub to forwayne.
That way, I'd be in town five times a month.
Change the hub.
More time in the tub.
Should we tell them wur news? Oh, yeah! She said yes! To what? We're getting married! His proposal was so suave.
It was like he's done it a million times! But you just met her.
I know.
Isn't that amazing? I'm a slave to my own heart.
Hey, you want to see the back of my lincoln? Hey, you want to see me make fish sticks? This is a dream come true! We're back.
Way back.
Oh, Jason.
I just finished the laundry.
I thought I was gonna meet you at the party.
Teach me, Julie.
What? About you.
I want to be taught.
Start the car! Start the car! W-what the hell is going on? Joel, start the car.
Is this one of thoue moments you were talking about? This? No.
But every great moment has another moment That makes it possible.
If we're lucky, this is that.
Freshman! Drive, freshman! Drive! Hey! Get back here, you son of a bitch! At's an illegal move! Never mess with the Omega kid! No sleeper holds! No sleeper holds! There we go! Hey, have you guys seen Christie? Hey, joe! I found you! Whoa.
Tammy.
Hey.
I know you said you wanted space, but I wanted you.
So I decided to flip a coin -- heads, you get space, Tails, you get me, and it was heads.
So I decided to do best out of three.
And two tails later, here I am! Great.
Yeah.
I'm glad you could make it, Tammy.
But I got to run, okay? There's something I got to do.
I'm sorry.
But, joe.
I'm sorry, but I'm totally getting mixed messages from you.
I'm sorry, Tammy.
I-I really don't mean to confuse you.
It's just -- I guess we're all confused.
It's college, right? I got to go.
Well, I'm not confused! I swear! Do I look confused? Chocolate-covered, brandy-soaked strawberry? Mmm.
So, can you really bowl anything? What did you have in mind? That's the magic I'm talking about! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Helloookie! Oh.
Sorry.
This is not the bathroom.
Helloookie, uh, mystery woman.
Welcome to the lair.
Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Gosh.
I've never been to a lair before.
Kind of feel like Tammy in wonderland.
Do you live here? Yeah.
10 years and counting.
I don't mean to brag.
Wow.
You have so many trinkets.
Thanks.
I love trinkets.
This is my favorite trinket.
It's from my boyfriend.
Oh, who am I kidding? I bought it myself.
I'm so confused.
That's okay.
I love trinkets.
I'm always buying trinkets.
Really? It's not weird? No way.
Not at all.
Hey, I don't mean to alarm you, But your ponytail is over there right now.
Oh.
you.
Ow.
That's supposed to be like that.
It's a side ponytail.
Patent pending.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Just -- you just Ugh.
Well, let's talk about your confusion and stuff.
Well, it's like this -- Joe and I are meant to be together.
I get that.
He doesn't -- yet.
But I'm not giving up.
That's good.
Think of it like this, you know -- People are like ships.
Oh, I love ships.
I pretty much like everything that floats, Like driftwood, root beer, rubber duckies -- Whoa.
You talk so much.
You know? Really? Yeah.
Nobody's ever told me that before.
Here's the thing about ships, you know? Sometimes they're sailing in the water, And they don't even see each other Because it's so dark at night, and they don't connect at all.
That's okay.
What if you really love that ship That passes you in the night? Yeah.
That's a curveball.
Yeah.
But that's the thing about ships, you know? It's like, there's always another one coming along.
And it's like, you can just be sailing, And then all of a sudden another ship comes up.
And it's like, "yo.
" and then you're like, "okay.
" But it's like, until then You got to focus on What's your name, anyway? Tammy.
You got to focus on Tammy time.
"Tammy time.
" Yeah.
I like that.
I never thought about that before, which is so weird, Because I really think about everything Pretty much all the time -- ah.
Tammy time.
Tammy time.
What's this? A bong.
A bong? What's it do? Everything.
Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Hey, Christie.
There you are.
Hey, Joel.
Can I talk to you for a second? Sure.
Okay.
Are we still doing the awkward thing? I hope not.
Look, Christie.
I've had a rock in my stomach all day, AndIt just kept getting worse, Until I was sitting in the driver's seat of a ford galaxie And I was being chased by this crazed wrestler -- What? Never mind.
The point is I don't want what happened this morning to define us.
What I told you about my drawings and larry bird We both know that was bullshit.
Joel, don't -- no.
I-I need to.
Because I think that you are amazing, Christie.
I have since the first day that I met you.
And I don't know what I was doing.
You have a boyfriend who's great.
How could I even think that there was something there? But trust me -- II get it now.
I promise.
It's done.
Joel, wait.
You're not crazy.
You're not.
And I want you to know, If we met at a different time or in a different place But we didn't, did we? We didn't.
And we have to live in the moment.
We do.
You're incredible.
You really are.
See you around, lone wolf.
Okay, Joel.
Hey.
You ready for the defining moment? I am now.
Oh, great.
Because thanks to our re-slushed slush fund, I just had a truckload of lawn chairs delivered.
Amazing, isn't it? Wait.
That's the defining moment? I had a vision, Joel.
Okay! Everybody! To the Byerson lawn! Come on.
Chop-chop! Ooh! Oh! Oh! Ooh! My god! You are amazing.
well, you are some teacher.
So, did it happen? We were very close.
so we didn't.
No.
But you know what that means? We get to keep practicing.
I like practicing.
yeah.
You know, for a minute there, I was seeing fireworks.
Yeah.
Me too.
Hey, look.
They really are fireworks.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Hey, guys.
Hey! Just when I think this party couldn't get any better.
Who got these? Courtesy of reno and the Omega kid.
Where have you been all night? Just making sure Chang had the best night ever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ahh.
Tammy time.
Helloookie.
Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Hey, what's up? Julie! Hey! Look at her smile, man.
Someone's happy.
What can I say? Girl likes fireworks.
Okay, boys.
I hope you enjoyed your first 21/2 months.
'cause now the training wheels come off.
Things are about to get really interesting.
Yep.
"about to"?