GLOW (2017) s01e10 Episode Script
Money's in the Chase
1 Oh.
Jenny, I don't think we need to bring the sewing machine.
If a costume rips, we're gonna need to fix it.
Fast.
And hand-sewing is not an option.
- Is there enough room for everything? - Great.
Oh, good.
Just What's going on? I left a million messages with your service.
Jesus! You smell like a distillery.
Well, that's what happens if you drink for three days straight.
I told everyone you were at Esalen meditating.
Go shower, and meet us at the Hayworth.
Wait.
Why? Sam! We are making this thing.
Today.
Bash's mom gave us a ballroom.
Jenny's doing costumes, Sheila's on sound, I did the props.
We are all hanging on by a thread.
Justine's my kid.
Oh.
She told me at that fucking party.
And I didn't You know, I didn't handle it well, but That's no surprise.
But I mean, look at me.
I'm no I'm no father figure.
I mean Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Go talk to her.
I don't know what to say.
I mean, fuck, I don't even know which room is hers.
All right, come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Hey, how was the meditation retreat? Whoa.
What is that smell? Bourbon and despair.
Where is Justine? She probably spent the night at Billy's.
Billy? Who the fuck is Billy? - Oh, see, that sounded very paternal.
- Shut up.
He's this guy.
He delivers pizza.
- Are you coming in the limo with us? - Sam's gonna follow us there.
- That's probably better.
- Okay.
Thanks.
- Great.
- Let me see.
Give me this.
Look.
She's not gonna miss shooting the pilot.
I think she's gone.
I'd be gone if I were her.
If she's anything like you, she's stubborn and confrontational, so, go find her.
But brush your teeth first.
I'll keep things moving.
All right, ladies, get the fuck in.
I still gotta get gas.
- Okay, let's go.
- Debbie! You riding with us or taking your own horse and carriage? I'll be right back.
Hey.
You ready? Are you moving out? For real? I, uh I can't work things out with Mark if we're not living in the same house.
- We were stupid to think this would work.
- Just give it a shot.
I can't.
- Doesn't look like a friendly chat.
- You think we should go over and help? No.
- Is everything okay? - Uh Debbie's made a decision.
She's getting back together with Mark.
She's bailing on the show.
- Who are you gonna fight? - I don't know.
Hey, look, we'll figure it out.
Let's go make a show.
Okay, we're ready to go.
Let's go! Go, get in, get in! Come on.
Okay.
All right, first song to come on, it's an omen.
Oh, no.
I do not believe in radio voodoo.
And if we threw it all away - Oh.
- Yeah.
- Things can only get better - Oh, shit.
It's a sign.
- Turn it up! - Yeah! Holy shit.
Okay, this is real.
There are cameras.
Does anyone else feel the need - to pee and puke? - Yeah.
- How are we gonna fill all these seats? - Oh, hey, ladies.
What do you think, huh? Me and Florian and the bellhops have been working on it all morning.
Check this out.
Are you ready to rumble? Check.
- We gotta deal with that mic.
Sheila? - Yep.
Sound.
I'm on it.
Uh, hey, is the director around? We gotta position these tripods.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
No tripods.
Sorry.
The network said they want to keep it simple.
Well, the director's going for something a little, uh different, you know? He wants the shots to feel visceral.
So, handheld.
Yes.
Exactly.
Move around with us, uh, pace the perimeter of the ring, both of you.
If we're both on the perimeter of the ring, you're gonna see one of us in every shot.
You'll figure it out.
- It's really big.
- Yeah.
We got this.
Even if we totally change our lineup, we know the moves.
And we still have two hours to figure everything else out.
That's plenty of time.
And And look.
Sam said he'd get us pink ropes, he got us pink ropes.
Loving the pink ropes, buddy.
Right? Arr! Oh, God.
Let's go find the dressing room.
Just follow me.
Well - You don't have Clue? - Yeah.
My mom doesn't like games where people get killed.
Monopoly might be better.
Justine? Uh, someone is here to see you.
You kids want anything? No.
Thanks, Mom.
- I'll take some coffee.
- Oh.
Thank you.
How did you find me? I called the pizza place.
I ordered a pizza.
I shook down the kid who brought it, and he sang like a canary.
So, you must be the famous Billy.
Relax with the standing and sticking your chest out.
I'm just here to talk.
I don't have anything to say to you.
Look, I'm sorry I tried to fuck you, okay? If you'd told me you were my daughter, I would never have done that.
Milk? Sugar? Oh, uh, black.
Thank you.
So, this is my fault.
Look, I get that there's no great way to deliver this news, okay? But coming out here and pretending to audition for a show that I'm directing, and then following me around like some crazed fangirl, I mean, definitely, you know, made it, you know, worse.
That's all I'm saying.
I just wanted to meet you.
That was it.
That was all I'd figured out.
It wasn't like some diabolical plan.
Is your name really Justine? Yes.
Justine Victoria Biagi.
That's a nice name.
So, are you coming to the show? We've got a ballroom or something down at the Hayworth.
I don't actually care about wrestling.
I didn't do any of this so I could wrestle.
All right.
Well, listen, kid.
It can only get better from here.
I think.
I hope.
That's what I'm holding on to.
Okay.
I get it.
Have to take a rain check on that coffee.
Lovely home, though.
It's very nice.
That looks crazy.
It's theatrical.
It's a glitter unibrow.
- I like it.
- Yeah.
I like it, too.
I don't like it at all.
It looks crazy.
Oh, yeah.
What are we gonna do? When you're done with hair and makeup, check with Jenny about costumes.
- If you're waiting, stretch with Cherry.
- Who put you in charge? - Why? You wanna do it? - You're doing great, Captain.
Hey, Ruth.
Yeah? Is, um is Sam okay? Well, I wouldn't say "okay," but he'll be fine.
It's Sam.
- Okay.
- Whoo! All right! Those mics are hotter than Kelly LeBrock.
Where's Sam? Does he wanna test the levels? Uh, Sam had a family emergency.
What? He doesn't have any family.
That's the emergency.
So, we're gonna need you to announce.
- I know, it's kind of a curveball, but - No.
I brought my tuxedo.
I I was born for this moment.
Great.
- Uh, so, I wrote all your lines - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll probably embroider these a tad, but, uh Whoa.
Since when does this thing end with a tag-team match? Okay.
Oh, don't let anyone see you.
Told you we were in trouble.
I was the audience coordinator for Family Feud.
You want people to sit, you gotta give 'em something.
Okay.
I have 300 cash in my bag.
I have the money from the car wash, minus $5 for ice cream.
Good.
Come on, come on, come on! All right.
Guys, you guys! All right, who wants to make ten bucks? Huh? Who here likes women's wrestling? $10 all you have to do is sit.
Fuck this time travel shit, okay? This movie's sold out till midnight.
What are you? We're the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.
If you wanna see more, you're gonna have to take this money and meet me across the street at the Hayworth.
American-made piece of shit! Whoa.
Save it for the ring, all right? Hey, Glen! See you out there.
Okay.
Hello, Detective Chambers.
- What? - You didn't hear it from me, but you knocked it out of the park.
I got the part? My lips are sealed, but they're setting up a costume fitting for you next week.
You'll have to give Sam and Bash some notice.
Wait, what? I can't do both? No.
No.
How would that work? It'd be too confusing for the audience, you know? One minute you're fighting crime, the next minute you're getting your behind kicked in the ring.
So, all right.
Uh, not Not peeping, just saying good luck, everyone.
Have fun out there.
Are you ready? Welcome to the world premiere of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrest Goddamnit.
This is bullshit! Welcome to the world premiere of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling! Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats.
We're about to begin our live taping.
Ignore the cameras.
Uh, cheer, boo, stand up.
Be a part of our show.
Rhonda, you have to stay still.
I can't get this.
I don't understand how you got this so stuck.
the smartest woman in the world, Britannica! Oh, shit.
That's me.
It's fine! I gotta go! Fun fact: Britannica's brain is four pounds heavier than the average girl.
And with her, as always, is her trusted GLOW-bot.
Thanks a bunch, GLOW-bot.
Oh, no! I dropped my book.
Oh! Oh! And her opponent today, from the dusty, dangerous deserts of Lebanon, the terrorist Beirut.
Oh, look at that dirty sand rat.
She's come to kill.
- Be warned.
She'll do anything to win.
- Bah! She'll hijack this whole dang match if she has to.
Here she is, stepping into the ring.
But here comes Britannica, a genius in and out of the ring.
Brains, beauty, brawn.
Triple threat.
Britannica! Terrorist! - Break her arms! Break her arms! - Yeah! Get up and take it! Oh! That mad bomber has escaped her clutches.
Get out of there! Holy Toledo! Beirut's signature move, the Lebanese Cannonball.
Fuck you, terrorist! Oh! Uh And we've got some animated fans in the audience.
Dirty towelhead! Fuck you! And it looks like evil's winning today.
Go back to the Middle East, dune coon.
Oh! We've got a beer drinker here tonight, folks.
- Fuck you! - That's okay.
We're having a good time.
What the fuck is your problem, man? Y'all got to go.
- Screw you.
- You don't want me to come out.
I will fuck you up, baldy.
And you, Gregg Allman.
- Ah.
- Sorry.
Hold still, hold still.
It's kind of deep.
Oh, God.
That was so intense.
Everyone really hated me.
All those people hated me.
Yeah, but that's a good thing, though.
Right? Oh! Looks like Vicky Viking's taking a real ax-kicking today.
Am I right? And this match is heating up hotter than a hot spring in the desert.
Hey, Glen.
And the barbarian has taken the upper hand.
Hey.
Come on, no kicking.
No kicking.
She's in the corner.
Viking vag! Hey.
Get out of that corner.
Now, that is a humiliating move, ladies and gentlemen.
The Bronco Buster.
Come on, come on.
Will Junkchain be able to hippity-hip-hop her way out of this Nordic nightmare? You okay? Let me check you out.
I got the part.
Oh, my God.
I'm too excited to concentrate.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Are you kidding me? It's a leading role.
As soon as this is over, we gonna party.
We gonna celebrate.
- Can we do this? - Yeah, let's go.
- Come on.
- Let's go.
These two warriors go back at it.
She needs to be ready in five minutes.
- She needs to stop blinking.
- I'm not.
- You are.
You're like an epileptic.
- Hey.
How you doing? It's a big crowd out there.
Yup.
At the beginning of every play, I pick something in the audience to look at.
A funny shirt, a broken chairback.
Then I focus all my attention on it, like a laser beam.
It helps.
Or I could take one of Bash's Quaaludes.
He offered.
Our third match tonight is a doozy.
Beauty versus the Beast.
From the neon streets of Hollywood, weighing in at 103 pounds - I love my fans.
- Say hello to Melrose! Don't fucking drop me.
I think I love you! I love you, too.
Well, it's a full moon tonight, and that means it's time to unleash the Beast.
Howl for Sheila the She-Wolf.
Oh, she's escaped! Oh, my God! The She-Wolf is on the loose! This isn't a beauty contest anymore.
This is a wrestling match.
And the She-Wolf just fed the party girl a turnbuckle sandwich.
We're having a great time here today, folks.
Welcome to GLOW, baby.
Shot of tequila.
Thank you.
Hey.
What the hell are you doing out here? You're the fucking title match.
I mean, get backstage, get dressed.
Well, Sam, you left, so, everyone had to make decisions.
What are you talking about? I mean, this whole thing builds to the US versus Russia.
Ruth has a whole contingency plan.
- Trust me.
It'll be fine.
- Is she gonna wrestle Keith? Relax.
Ruth could wrestle herself - and be entertaining.
- You're a quitter.
I'm a quitter? And it looks like She-Wolf wins the match.
Can we get this guy some coffee? And now a quick word from our sponsor.
- Who here wants to save, save, save? - Shut up! Are we gonna stay for the second half? Wanna get some dinner? No.
What? No, I wanna stay and support the girls.
They worked really hard.
Really? I am just trying to keep an open mind.
This is just kind of silly.
Wow.
Silly.
Yeah, that's exactly what you said about Paradise Cove.
Welcome back to the second half of our show, ladies and gentlemen.
From the South Side of Chicago, and the Ubamba province of Peru, respectively, Welfare Queen and Machu Picchu! You're beautiful! Smells like donkey doo in here.
Mm! Looks like Machu's got, uh just a touch of the infamous Peruvian jungle fever.
Will she recover in time to fight Welfare Queen this liberal leech, this, uh, parasite on our economy? Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! And the crowd is chanting.
Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! I can't believe it.
The fever has broken, and Machu grabs Welfare Queen.
- Whacka whacka whammo! - Yeah.
Welfare Queen is pulling something out of her costume.
What is that? Is that? It's food stamps.
I get so much money from the government, I just throw it away.
Hey, come on, now.
Good people could use those.
Oh, my goodness.
She is literally shoving her socialist welfare policy down Machu's throat! Ha! Y'all afraid of me, right? Do you believe what President Reagan says? That I'm cheating the system? I think Welfare Queen is trying to bore Machu into submission.
And it's working.
Come on! Come on! She's down.
Machu needs to get up, or this fight is over.
Come on.
You got this.
Machu, put me down! Yeah.
And she finished her off with a Power Bomb.
Unbelievable! The Incan giant has won! Goodness prevails.
Justice has been restored.
I won! Yes! What are these camera guys doing? You're in each other's shots.
Get Just Jesus Christ.
Next time maybe you should give them some direction.
Yeah, well, next time don't fucking run away so I have to come looking for you when I'm supposed to be directing a goddamn television show.
- Costumes look good.
- Yeah.
Who the fuck knows? Might cut together.
Maybe.
- You wanna make out again? - What? Kidding.
Jeez.
And now the final showdown for the first ever GLOW crown.
In one corner, from Bolshevik Russia and the rice paddies of China, respectively, at a combined weight of 227 pounds, Zoya the Destroya and Fortune Cookie! The Red Menace is certainly looking menacing tonight, folks.
And here come their opponents.
From the Sunshine Senior Living Facility in Las Vegas, Nevada, at a combined weight of Aw, who the heck cares? It's Edna and Ethel Rosenblatt, - a.
k.
a.
The Beatdown Biddies! - Thank you.
- Are you cheering? I can't hear you.
- Yes.
Is it because I'm deaf? Don't be fooled.
These are two tough ladies.
They lived through the Great Depression, World War II, poodle skirts, menopause.
They're so old, - their wrinkles got wrinkles.
- One, two, three, yeah! This is lame! Don't clap for us.
We're undecided.
Hey.
Hey.
Now, that wasn't very nice.
- You can't fight me.
I'm old.
- Yeah.
Oh, I don't care about that.
I will knock your dentures out.
Oh, joke's on you.
I got implants.
Hey, shut up.
You weak, geriatrical-type person.
And so far it's just insults.
Let's see if this cold war will start heating up soon.
- I don't feel like wrestling.
- I wrestled last time.
Looks like the Biddies are deciding who will fight first.
Oh! Zoya the Destroya and Fortune Cookie have pounced on their opponents.
The rules have gone completely out the window.
Wow, these girls are really disrespecting the elderly.
- I love you, but not that much.
- This is dumb! What the fuck is this? Biddies are making a comeback.
Their osteoporosis is in remission, and they're on the attack.
- You're a very bad girl.
- No spanking, come on.
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
I got you.
I got you now.
You need a chin-up.
Who wants their chin up? And this is not a good day for communism.
Fortune Cookie just head-scissored Ethel out of the ring.
Get back in.
Fortune Cookie and Zoya are kicking Edna out on her side.
Oh, my goodness.
It looks like the evil empire has prevailed.
Russia and China are tonight's winners.
What's this? Looks like Zoya's turning on her partner.
She is! She's hammerlocking her.
And now it's Russia versus China.
The Sino-Soviet split is alive and well, here in California.
- Ready? - Ready.
A suplex! I can't believe it! Zoya has read Fortune Cookie her fortune, and it said "loser.
" China is out, folks.
Russia's not sharing that crown with anyone.
Please.
You love to hate me.
- Boo! - Russia is supreme world leader! And here comes the crown.
I am victorious.
No one can defeat Zoya.
Everyone here is too much sissy.
Okay? I'll fight you.
- Who's that yelling from the audience? - You heard me.
I said, I'll fight you.
Who, you? Bored housewife in dress? Yeah.
I am a proud American mother.
- Oh, no way.
She was faking.
- Did you know? No.
Of course not.
I would've told you.
in a world without freedom.
- That's right.
- Freedom! And I'm ready to kick your Soviet ass all the way back to Siberia.
Please.
Look at this brave American.
Honey, will you just hold this? If this is too silly for you, you can leave.
This gorgeous stranger is taking on Zoya for the crown.
This bloody road remains a mystery This sudden darkness fills the air What are we waiting for? Won't anybody help us? What are we waiting for? We can't afford to be innocent Stand up and face the enemy It's a do-or-die situation We will be invincible This shattered dream You cannot justify We're gonna scream Until we're satisfied What are we running for? When there's nowhere We can run to anymore We can't afford to be innocent Stand up and face the enemy It's a do-or-die situation One, two, three! - This match is over, folks.
- You okay? You flew! It was epic.
Go get your crown.
Zoya has been destroya'd! I can't believe it! I can't believe it, folks! Just when I thought I'd seen it all, a young country girl jumps out of the stands, into the ring, winning it all.
Honey, what's your name? My name My name is Liberty Belle.
And I'm just a small-town girl, trying to do the right thing, the thing any American girl would do in the face of evil, and no matter how I'm so overwhelmed.
Thank you all! Thank you.
It's a beautiful moment on a beautiful day.
There's your crown, sweetheart.
Like a princess.
Oh.
What? You want this crown back? You fight me for it.
Tammé, it's fine.
It's over.
Guess not.
Sam changed it.
America, you have turned your back on me long enough! You've ghettoized my people, trapped us in an endless cycle of poverty.
Not anymore.
Tonight, I take back what I deserve! It's all gone topsy-turvy, folks.
Come on, put her down.
Welfare Queen's stolen the crown, and she is helicoptering Liberty Belle.
I'm just saying what I'm seeing, and I can't believe what I'm seeing! Hey.
Give back that And the ref's ready to call it.
One, two, three.
Ring the bell.
We've got a new champion.
I don't know how it happened, but here we are, folks.
What the fuck? Welfare Queen is tonight's Queen of the Ring.
The crown is hers.
That's our show, folks.
That's all we got.
Total pandemonium here at the Hayworth.
Who will battle Welfare Queen - for next week's crown? - What the fuck? What? You guys had your sneaky little plan, I had mine.
It's called a work.
Well, mine was called "don't be fucking predictable.
" Ours wasn't predictable.
It was a tag-team match into a double-cross into a phoenix rising from the crowd, which is very surprising.
Yeah, and then the American hero wins the crown? Come on.
So, what, now it's all about trying to win the crown back from Welfare Queen? Yeah.
The money's in the chase.
I think I'm gonna roll credits over this mayhem.
I think our match was good.
I mean, I'm sure I'll hate it when I see it, but it felt good.
Debbie, we were great.
You wanna grab a drink? No.
We're not there.
They needed that tape 20 minutes ago.
Hold your horses.
Almost done.
Glen probably canceled us already, ordered ten more hours of Dr.
Gene Scott ranting about fucking UFOs.
Here's the jump.
And done.
Okay.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Gotta rewind.
Oh.
Move! Out of the way! I got the tape! Sorry! Sorry! Excuse me.
I got it! I got it.
Finally.
- Are we sure this is the right channel? - Yes.
- Yes.
- or your money back - Are people gonna like it? - The free beauty guide What if no one watches? What if we can't wrestle, and we only thought we could? I don't wanna watch.
- No.
- Wait.
- Ow.
- Shh, shh.
It's starting.
Bash Howard Productions and Patio Town Inc.
proudly present, from the Hayworth Hotel in Los Angeles, California, it's GLOW, the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.
Jenny, I don't think we need to bring the sewing machine.
If a costume rips, we're gonna need to fix it.
Fast.
And hand-sewing is not an option.
- Is there enough room for everything? - Great.
Oh, good.
Just What's going on? I left a million messages with your service.
Jesus! You smell like a distillery.
Well, that's what happens if you drink for three days straight.
I told everyone you were at Esalen meditating.
Go shower, and meet us at the Hayworth.
Wait.
Why? Sam! We are making this thing.
Today.
Bash's mom gave us a ballroom.
Jenny's doing costumes, Sheila's on sound, I did the props.
We are all hanging on by a thread.
Justine's my kid.
Oh.
She told me at that fucking party.
And I didn't You know, I didn't handle it well, but That's no surprise.
But I mean, look at me.
I'm no I'm no father figure.
I mean Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Go talk to her.
I don't know what to say.
I mean, fuck, I don't even know which room is hers.
All right, come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Hey, how was the meditation retreat? Whoa.
What is that smell? Bourbon and despair.
Where is Justine? She probably spent the night at Billy's.
Billy? Who the fuck is Billy? - Oh, see, that sounded very paternal.
- Shut up.
He's this guy.
He delivers pizza.
- Are you coming in the limo with us? - Sam's gonna follow us there.
- That's probably better.
- Okay.
Thanks.
- Great.
- Let me see.
Give me this.
Look.
She's not gonna miss shooting the pilot.
I think she's gone.
I'd be gone if I were her.
If she's anything like you, she's stubborn and confrontational, so, go find her.
But brush your teeth first.
I'll keep things moving.
All right, ladies, get the fuck in.
I still gotta get gas.
- Okay, let's go.
- Debbie! You riding with us or taking your own horse and carriage? I'll be right back.
Hey.
You ready? Are you moving out? For real? I, uh I can't work things out with Mark if we're not living in the same house.
- We were stupid to think this would work.
- Just give it a shot.
I can't.
- Doesn't look like a friendly chat.
- You think we should go over and help? No.
- Is everything okay? - Uh Debbie's made a decision.
She's getting back together with Mark.
She's bailing on the show.
- Who are you gonna fight? - I don't know.
Hey, look, we'll figure it out.
Let's go make a show.
Okay, we're ready to go.
Let's go! Go, get in, get in! Come on.
Okay.
All right, first song to come on, it's an omen.
Oh, no.
I do not believe in radio voodoo.
And if we threw it all away - Oh.
- Yeah.
- Things can only get better - Oh, shit.
It's a sign.
- Turn it up! - Yeah! Holy shit.
Okay, this is real.
There are cameras.
Does anyone else feel the need - to pee and puke? - Yeah.
- How are we gonna fill all these seats? - Oh, hey, ladies.
What do you think, huh? Me and Florian and the bellhops have been working on it all morning.
Check this out.
Are you ready to rumble? Check.
- We gotta deal with that mic.
Sheila? - Yep.
Sound.
I'm on it.
Uh, hey, is the director around? We gotta position these tripods.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
No tripods.
Sorry.
The network said they want to keep it simple.
Well, the director's going for something a little, uh different, you know? He wants the shots to feel visceral.
So, handheld.
Yes.
Exactly.
Move around with us, uh, pace the perimeter of the ring, both of you.
If we're both on the perimeter of the ring, you're gonna see one of us in every shot.
You'll figure it out.
- It's really big.
- Yeah.
We got this.
Even if we totally change our lineup, we know the moves.
And we still have two hours to figure everything else out.
That's plenty of time.
And And look.
Sam said he'd get us pink ropes, he got us pink ropes.
Loving the pink ropes, buddy.
Right? Arr! Oh, God.
Let's go find the dressing room.
Just follow me.
Well - You don't have Clue? - Yeah.
My mom doesn't like games where people get killed.
Monopoly might be better.
Justine? Uh, someone is here to see you.
You kids want anything? No.
Thanks, Mom.
- I'll take some coffee.
- Oh.
Thank you.
How did you find me? I called the pizza place.
I ordered a pizza.
I shook down the kid who brought it, and he sang like a canary.
So, you must be the famous Billy.
Relax with the standing and sticking your chest out.
I'm just here to talk.
I don't have anything to say to you.
Look, I'm sorry I tried to fuck you, okay? If you'd told me you were my daughter, I would never have done that.
Milk? Sugar? Oh, uh, black.
Thank you.
So, this is my fault.
Look, I get that there's no great way to deliver this news, okay? But coming out here and pretending to audition for a show that I'm directing, and then following me around like some crazed fangirl, I mean, definitely, you know, made it, you know, worse.
That's all I'm saying.
I just wanted to meet you.
That was it.
That was all I'd figured out.
It wasn't like some diabolical plan.
Is your name really Justine? Yes.
Justine Victoria Biagi.
That's a nice name.
So, are you coming to the show? We've got a ballroom or something down at the Hayworth.
I don't actually care about wrestling.
I didn't do any of this so I could wrestle.
All right.
Well, listen, kid.
It can only get better from here.
I think.
I hope.
That's what I'm holding on to.
Okay.
I get it.
Have to take a rain check on that coffee.
Lovely home, though.
It's very nice.
That looks crazy.
It's theatrical.
It's a glitter unibrow.
- I like it.
- Yeah.
I like it, too.
I don't like it at all.
It looks crazy.
Oh, yeah.
What are we gonna do? When you're done with hair and makeup, check with Jenny about costumes.
- If you're waiting, stretch with Cherry.
- Who put you in charge? - Why? You wanna do it? - You're doing great, Captain.
Hey, Ruth.
Yeah? Is, um is Sam okay? Well, I wouldn't say "okay," but he'll be fine.
It's Sam.
- Okay.
- Whoo! All right! Those mics are hotter than Kelly LeBrock.
Where's Sam? Does he wanna test the levels? Uh, Sam had a family emergency.
What? He doesn't have any family.
That's the emergency.
So, we're gonna need you to announce.
- I know, it's kind of a curveball, but - No.
I brought my tuxedo.
I I was born for this moment.
Great.
- Uh, so, I wrote all your lines - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll probably embroider these a tad, but, uh Whoa.
Since when does this thing end with a tag-team match? Okay.
Oh, don't let anyone see you.
Told you we were in trouble.
I was the audience coordinator for Family Feud.
You want people to sit, you gotta give 'em something.
Okay.
I have 300 cash in my bag.
I have the money from the car wash, minus $5 for ice cream.
Good.
Come on, come on, come on! All right.
Guys, you guys! All right, who wants to make ten bucks? Huh? Who here likes women's wrestling? $10 all you have to do is sit.
Fuck this time travel shit, okay? This movie's sold out till midnight.
What are you? We're the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.
If you wanna see more, you're gonna have to take this money and meet me across the street at the Hayworth.
American-made piece of shit! Whoa.
Save it for the ring, all right? Hey, Glen! See you out there.
Okay.
Hello, Detective Chambers.
- What? - You didn't hear it from me, but you knocked it out of the park.
I got the part? My lips are sealed, but they're setting up a costume fitting for you next week.
You'll have to give Sam and Bash some notice.
Wait, what? I can't do both? No.
No.
How would that work? It'd be too confusing for the audience, you know? One minute you're fighting crime, the next minute you're getting your behind kicked in the ring.
So, all right.
Uh, not Not peeping, just saying good luck, everyone.
Have fun out there.
Are you ready? Welcome to the world premiere of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrest Goddamnit.
This is bullshit! Welcome to the world premiere of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling! Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats.
We're about to begin our live taping.
Ignore the cameras.
Uh, cheer, boo, stand up.
Be a part of our show.
Rhonda, you have to stay still.
I can't get this.
I don't understand how you got this so stuck.
the smartest woman in the world, Britannica! Oh, shit.
That's me.
It's fine! I gotta go! Fun fact: Britannica's brain is four pounds heavier than the average girl.
And with her, as always, is her trusted GLOW-bot.
Thanks a bunch, GLOW-bot.
Oh, no! I dropped my book.
Oh! Oh! And her opponent today, from the dusty, dangerous deserts of Lebanon, the terrorist Beirut.
Oh, look at that dirty sand rat.
She's come to kill.
- Be warned.
She'll do anything to win.
- Bah! She'll hijack this whole dang match if she has to.
Here she is, stepping into the ring.
But here comes Britannica, a genius in and out of the ring.
Brains, beauty, brawn.
Triple threat.
Britannica! Terrorist! - Break her arms! Break her arms! - Yeah! Get up and take it! Oh! That mad bomber has escaped her clutches.
Get out of there! Holy Toledo! Beirut's signature move, the Lebanese Cannonball.
Fuck you, terrorist! Oh! Uh And we've got some animated fans in the audience.
Dirty towelhead! Fuck you! And it looks like evil's winning today.
Go back to the Middle East, dune coon.
Oh! We've got a beer drinker here tonight, folks.
- Fuck you! - That's okay.
We're having a good time.
What the fuck is your problem, man? Y'all got to go.
- Screw you.
- You don't want me to come out.
I will fuck you up, baldy.
And you, Gregg Allman.
- Ah.
- Sorry.
Hold still, hold still.
It's kind of deep.
Oh, God.
That was so intense.
Everyone really hated me.
All those people hated me.
Yeah, but that's a good thing, though.
Right? Oh! Looks like Vicky Viking's taking a real ax-kicking today.
Am I right? And this match is heating up hotter than a hot spring in the desert.
Hey, Glen.
And the barbarian has taken the upper hand.
Hey.
Come on, no kicking.
No kicking.
She's in the corner.
Viking vag! Hey.
Get out of that corner.
Now, that is a humiliating move, ladies and gentlemen.
The Bronco Buster.
Come on, come on.
Will Junkchain be able to hippity-hip-hop her way out of this Nordic nightmare? You okay? Let me check you out.
I got the part.
Oh, my God.
I'm too excited to concentrate.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Are you kidding me? It's a leading role.
As soon as this is over, we gonna party.
We gonna celebrate.
- Can we do this? - Yeah, let's go.
- Come on.
- Let's go.
These two warriors go back at it.
She needs to be ready in five minutes.
- She needs to stop blinking.
- I'm not.
- You are.
You're like an epileptic.
- Hey.
How you doing? It's a big crowd out there.
Yup.
At the beginning of every play, I pick something in the audience to look at.
A funny shirt, a broken chairback.
Then I focus all my attention on it, like a laser beam.
It helps.
Or I could take one of Bash's Quaaludes.
He offered.
Our third match tonight is a doozy.
Beauty versus the Beast.
From the neon streets of Hollywood, weighing in at 103 pounds - I love my fans.
- Say hello to Melrose! Don't fucking drop me.
I think I love you! I love you, too.
Well, it's a full moon tonight, and that means it's time to unleash the Beast.
Howl for Sheila the She-Wolf.
Oh, she's escaped! Oh, my God! The She-Wolf is on the loose! This isn't a beauty contest anymore.
This is a wrestling match.
And the She-Wolf just fed the party girl a turnbuckle sandwich.
We're having a great time here today, folks.
Welcome to GLOW, baby.
Shot of tequila.
Thank you.
Hey.
What the hell are you doing out here? You're the fucking title match.
I mean, get backstage, get dressed.
Well, Sam, you left, so, everyone had to make decisions.
What are you talking about? I mean, this whole thing builds to the US versus Russia.
Ruth has a whole contingency plan.
- Trust me.
It'll be fine.
- Is she gonna wrestle Keith? Relax.
Ruth could wrestle herself - and be entertaining.
- You're a quitter.
I'm a quitter? And it looks like She-Wolf wins the match.
Can we get this guy some coffee? And now a quick word from our sponsor.
- Who here wants to save, save, save? - Shut up! Are we gonna stay for the second half? Wanna get some dinner? No.
What? No, I wanna stay and support the girls.
They worked really hard.
Really? I am just trying to keep an open mind.
This is just kind of silly.
Wow.
Silly.
Yeah, that's exactly what you said about Paradise Cove.
Welcome back to the second half of our show, ladies and gentlemen.
From the South Side of Chicago, and the Ubamba province of Peru, respectively, Welfare Queen and Machu Picchu! You're beautiful! Smells like donkey doo in here.
Mm! Looks like Machu's got, uh just a touch of the infamous Peruvian jungle fever.
Will she recover in time to fight Welfare Queen this liberal leech, this, uh, parasite on our economy? Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! And the crowd is chanting.
Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! Machu! I can't believe it.
The fever has broken, and Machu grabs Welfare Queen.
- Whacka whacka whammo! - Yeah.
Welfare Queen is pulling something out of her costume.
What is that? Is that? It's food stamps.
I get so much money from the government, I just throw it away.
Hey, come on, now.
Good people could use those.
Oh, my goodness.
She is literally shoving her socialist welfare policy down Machu's throat! Ha! Y'all afraid of me, right? Do you believe what President Reagan says? That I'm cheating the system? I think Welfare Queen is trying to bore Machu into submission.
And it's working.
Come on! Come on! She's down.
Machu needs to get up, or this fight is over.
Come on.
You got this.
Machu, put me down! Yeah.
And she finished her off with a Power Bomb.
Unbelievable! The Incan giant has won! Goodness prevails.
Justice has been restored.
I won! Yes! What are these camera guys doing? You're in each other's shots.
Get Just Jesus Christ.
Next time maybe you should give them some direction.
Yeah, well, next time don't fucking run away so I have to come looking for you when I'm supposed to be directing a goddamn television show.
- Costumes look good.
- Yeah.
Who the fuck knows? Might cut together.
Maybe.
- You wanna make out again? - What? Kidding.
Jeez.
And now the final showdown for the first ever GLOW crown.
In one corner, from Bolshevik Russia and the rice paddies of China, respectively, at a combined weight of 227 pounds, Zoya the Destroya and Fortune Cookie! The Red Menace is certainly looking menacing tonight, folks.
And here come their opponents.
From the Sunshine Senior Living Facility in Las Vegas, Nevada, at a combined weight of Aw, who the heck cares? It's Edna and Ethel Rosenblatt, - a.
k.
a.
The Beatdown Biddies! - Thank you.
- Are you cheering? I can't hear you.
- Yes.
Is it because I'm deaf? Don't be fooled.
These are two tough ladies.
They lived through the Great Depression, World War II, poodle skirts, menopause.
They're so old, - their wrinkles got wrinkles.
- One, two, three, yeah! This is lame! Don't clap for us.
We're undecided.
Hey.
Hey.
Now, that wasn't very nice.
- You can't fight me.
I'm old.
- Yeah.
Oh, I don't care about that.
I will knock your dentures out.
Oh, joke's on you.
I got implants.
Hey, shut up.
You weak, geriatrical-type person.
And so far it's just insults.
Let's see if this cold war will start heating up soon.
- I don't feel like wrestling.
- I wrestled last time.
Looks like the Biddies are deciding who will fight first.
Oh! Zoya the Destroya and Fortune Cookie have pounced on their opponents.
The rules have gone completely out the window.
Wow, these girls are really disrespecting the elderly.
- I love you, but not that much.
- This is dumb! What the fuck is this? Biddies are making a comeback.
Their osteoporosis is in remission, and they're on the attack.
- You're a very bad girl.
- No spanking, come on.
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
I got you.
I got you now.
You need a chin-up.
Who wants their chin up? And this is not a good day for communism.
Fortune Cookie just head-scissored Ethel out of the ring.
Get back in.
Fortune Cookie and Zoya are kicking Edna out on her side.
Oh, my goodness.
It looks like the evil empire has prevailed.
Russia and China are tonight's winners.
What's this? Looks like Zoya's turning on her partner.
She is! She's hammerlocking her.
And now it's Russia versus China.
The Sino-Soviet split is alive and well, here in California.
- Ready? - Ready.
A suplex! I can't believe it! Zoya has read Fortune Cookie her fortune, and it said "loser.
" China is out, folks.
Russia's not sharing that crown with anyone.
Please.
You love to hate me.
- Boo! - Russia is supreme world leader! And here comes the crown.
I am victorious.
No one can defeat Zoya.
Everyone here is too much sissy.
Okay? I'll fight you.
- Who's that yelling from the audience? - You heard me.
I said, I'll fight you.
Who, you? Bored housewife in dress? Yeah.
I am a proud American mother.
- Oh, no way.
She was faking.
- Did you know? No.
Of course not.
I would've told you.
in a world without freedom.
- That's right.
- Freedom! And I'm ready to kick your Soviet ass all the way back to Siberia.
Please.
Look at this brave American.
Honey, will you just hold this? If this is too silly for you, you can leave.
This gorgeous stranger is taking on Zoya for the crown.
This bloody road remains a mystery This sudden darkness fills the air What are we waiting for? Won't anybody help us? What are we waiting for? We can't afford to be innocent Stand up and face the enemy It's a do-or-die situation We will be invincible This shattered dream You cannot justify We're gonna scream Until we're satisfied What are we running for? When there's nowhere We can run to anymore We can't afford to be innocent Stand up and face the enemy It's a do-or-die situation One, two, three! - This match is over, folks.
- You okay? You flew! It was epic.
Go get your crown.
Zoya has been destroya'd! I can't believe it! I can't believe it, folks! Just when I thought I'd seen it all, a young country girl jumps out of the stands, into the ring, winning it all.
Honey, what's your name? My name My name is Liberty Belle.
And I'm just a small-town girl, trying to do the right thing, the thing any American girl would do in the face of evil, and no matter how I'm so overwhelmed.
Thank you all! Thank you.
It's a beautiful moment on a beautiful day.
There's your crown, sweetheart.
Like a princess.
Oh.
What? You want this crown back? You fight me for it.
Tammé, it's fine.
It's over.
Guess not.
Sam changed it.
America, you have turned your back on me long enough! You've ghettoized my people, trapped us in an endless cycle of poverty.
Not anymore.
Tonight, I take back what I deserve! It's all gone topsy-turvy, folks.
Come on, put her down.
Welfare Queen's stolen the crown, and she is helicoptering Liberty Belle.
I'm just saying what I'm seeing, and I can't believe what I'm seeing! Hey.
Give back that And the ref's ready to call it.
One, two, three.
Ring the bell.
We've got a new champion.
I don't know how it happened, but here we are, folks.
What the fuck? Welfare Queen is tonight's Queen of the Ring.
The crown is hers.
That's our show, folks.
That's all we got.
Total pandemonium here at the Hayworth.
Who will battle Welfare Queen - for next week's crown? - What the fuck? What? You guys had your sneaky little plan, I had mine.
It's called a work.
Well, mine was called "don't be fucking predictable.
" Ours wasn't predictable.
It was a tag-team match into a double-cross into a phoenix rising from the crowd, which is very surprising.
Yeah, and then the American hero wins the crown? Come on.
So, what, now it's all about trying to win the crown back from Welfare Queen? Yeah.
The money's in the chase.
I think I'm gonna roll credits over this mayhem.
I think our match was good.
I mean, I'm sure I'll hate it when I see it, but it felt good.
Debbie, we were great.
You wanna grab a drink? No.
We're not there.
They needed that tape 20 minutes ago.
Hold your horses.
Almost done.
Glen probably canceled us already, ordered ten more hours of Dr.
Gene Scott ranting about fucking UFOs.
Here's the jump.
And done.
Okay.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Gotta rewind.
Oh.
Move! Out of the way! I got the tape! Sorry! Sorry! Excuse me.
I got it! I got it.
Finally.
- Are we sure this is the right channel? - Yes.
- Yes.
- or your money back - Are people gonna like it? - The free beauty guide What if no one watches? What if we can't wrestle, and we only thought we could? I don't wanna watch.
- No.
- Wait.
- Ow.
- Shh, shh.
It's starting.
Bash Howard Productions and Patio Town Inc.
proudly present, from the Hayworth Hotel in Los Angeles, California, it's GLOW, the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.