Hotel Transylvania: The Series (2017) s01e10 Episode Script

1 [THUNDER CRASHING.]
[MUSIC.]
[SCREAMING.]
[MUSIC.]
[BATS SCREECHING.]
[LOUD RAP BEATS PLAYING.]
Whoa.
Mmm.
Pure pus gel.
It may pass! [KNOCKING.]
[LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
Dude, those flies really know how to party.
We brought cake! [BOTH GRUNTS.]
Well, it's the thought that counts.
Mavis, why we gotta be on lookout duty when nobody ever checks into this room? Ever.
True, but you can never be too careful.
If Aunt Lydia found us, she'd freak right out.
Freak right out, freak right out I'm really freaky, Wendy's freaky! Holy rabies! Look at the time! I'm supposed to pre-slime all the hotel room keys! Ah! Aunt Lydia promised, next time I mess up, we'd all be ground into zombie meat.
[BOTH WHIMPERING.]
Mavis, I expect everything to be perfect! It's not every day Cornelius Shivers visits us.
Really? Him! Get out! I have no idea who that is.
He only wrote the most romantic novel of all time, A Scare To Remember! [SCREAMING.]
Nobody captures the romance of undead souls screaming together in agony like Cornelius.
[SIGHING.]
What What's wrong with her? Is she sick? Are you sick? Do I get to be in charge of the hotel? [CLUCKING.]
[MARIACHI BAND PLAYING.]
- Lydia! - [GASPING.]
Cornelius.
Yes! Saved by the cockroach.
Oh, the time has come to crank out another bestseller.
I presume my usual room is ready? [NERVOUS GIRLISH GIGGLING.]
Book's due in two days, yeah, but I'm not sweatin'.
All I need is good ol' room 1313.
[GASPING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, yes! Code rainbow.
Code rainbow! [GRUNTS.]
Make way! Coming through! [GRUNTS.]
Code rainbow! [SCREAMING.]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS.]
AUNT LYDIA: Don't worry.
No monster has set a claw or wing in the room since the last time you were here, when you wrote Honeymoon in Hades.
Good, good! I can't stand change.
Even the slightest little bit can mess up my creative pus.
[BELL DINGS.]
AUNT LYDIA: Ooh! Holy rabies! Aunt Lydia, I think I should warn you that, um No! Everything is perfectly fine? Lydia, as a token of my appreciation for all you've done, I'm dedicating my new book to you.
[STUTTERING.]
D-D-Dedication? Yeah, that's right.
To me? Oh! [SIGHS.]
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
We really dodged a sunbeam last night.
How'd you guys clean up that room so fast? We had a little help from the Trash Mouth! Looks like DeMar threw a raging party and now Mom and Dad are coming home early.
Busted! Well, DeMar, turn that frown upside down 'cause it's time to take out the Trash Mouth! Simply unroll the Trash Mouth and watch your problems get eaten away! Get that gah-bage outta here and into my trash mouth! [BELCHING.]
Good ol' Trashy.
I gotta say, I really thought you were done for this time.
[LAUGHING.]
Never a doubt.
[CORNELIUS SCREAMING.]
Who's to say that wasn't a scream of delight? Okay, what just happened? Nothing! That's the problem! I come to Hotel Transylvania, stay in room 1313, go to sleep, and when I wake up, book's written.
Hmm It's like there's something wrong with the room.
Like it's changed somehow.
No, no, no, no, no.
No.
No way.
No.
No one has touched this room since you were here, especially us! So, forget that! [WHISPERING.]
That was so believable.
This is bad, this is really bad.
What am I going to do? The publisher wants the novel first thing tomorrow! And I can't do it without Maggie! Uh, what's a Maggie? Maggie is the ghost writer who lives in the room and does all the work while I sleep.
[TYPEWRITER CLACKING.]
Is there anything more romantic than being stretched out on a torture rack together? Well, I never told anyone 'cause I don't want to admit I don't know how to write.
I am just a cockroach.
Did, uh, any of you guys happen to see a ghost during the party? Um, well Life's too short! It's time to leave this room and experience all the wonders of the world! Honey, you are so right! I've been stuck here for centuries.
I'm taking your advice! Code rainbow! Code rainbow! This is not a drill! [BOTH GASPING.]
Looks like it's time to take out the Trash Mouth.
I'm going to live my life! - Whoopsie.
- So, Maggie is gone? Without my ghost writer, I'll be ruined! I'll have to go back to scurrying behind refrigerators! No! [SOBBING.]
Man, I would not want to be you right now.
If Lydia finds out it's all your fault that he didn't write the book he dedicated to her Ooh! [MIMICS EXPLOSION.]
Yup, but worse.
Yeah, we gotta get that ghost back.
Okay, this is not one of my best ideas.
Hey, that's not garbage Mostly! Give it back! To new adventures! Uh, you guys go on without me.
[SCREAMING.]
[BELCHING.]
[SCREAMING.]
Man, check out how big this Trash Mouth's stomach is.
Respect.
Look! There she is! [CHUCKLING.]
Hey, it's you! Thanks so much for your advice! This place is great! [LAUGHING NERVOUSLY.]
Yeah, it sure is.
But wouldn't it be cooler if you came back to room 1313 and, oh, I don't know, wrote another novel? Way to ease her into it, Mavis.
No way.
I'm done being a writer.
Like the talking booger said, life's too short! What did you call me? I'm never going back to that stuffy ol' room when there's so much to experience here! [GASPS.]
Look, a garbage mound! - And another one! Ooh! - This is bad.
There's no way Shivers is going to have his book done by tomorrow.
Unless A ghost writer writes the novel! Or better yet, a team of ghost writers! Sweet! We're gonna clone a team of ghosts? Can we just go? Are you sure this is Maggie? Uh, no.
This is her writing partner Uh, ah, Sandoval.
Why does Hank get to be the ghost? Um, cause he's awesome? Don't you remember his big run in the Lizard of Gauze? I am the great and powerful Gauze! Ahh, fire! Oh, I love legitimate theater! [GHOSTLY MOANING.]
I'm a ghost writer who's going to write you the best book ever! [COUGHING.]
Oh, perfect! And just in time for my next molt! [SNORING.]
- Okay, chapter one.
- Nailed it! MAVIS: The kingdom was ruled by the kind and generous king.
[ROARING.]
Well, he wasn't kind all the time.
He definitely had a temper! The king's daughter was the most popular princess in the land.
But the evil queen didn't like her and wanted her gone! PEDRO: Yeah, but then the majestic ninja warrior appeared! He was so awesome! MAVIS: Uh, no.
That's totally unbelievable.
Scrap it.
Uh, let me try.
It was a dark and stormy night.
The hydra appears and, uh I got nothing.
Step aside.
I got this! They have a, wait for it disco dance party! Freak right out, freak right out! Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh Ah, we'll leave it in because we need the pages.
Oh, come on! MAVIS: So, the king and the princess saved the day and there was nothing the evil queen could do to stop them! [YELPING.]
PEDRO: But then the ninja warrior came and kicked butt, and everyone wanted his autograph! Yeah, nice try.
MAVIS: "The end.
" This book is done-zo! - Whoo-hoo! - Shh! [CORNELIUS SNORING AND MUTTERING.]
[SNORING.]
[WEREWOLF HOWLING.]
Huh? What? Yes! I did it again! Time to take this hit novel to the publishers! [MAVIS CLEARS THROAT.]
"Mis-stakes to the Heart was the worst thing I have have ever had the misfortune to read.
It made my eyes bleed, in a bad way.
" Whoa.
Boy, the critics really didn't like the new Cornelius Shivers novel.
"Why did the writer put in an unlikable mummy-ninja warrior halfway through the novel?" I added him back in when you went to the bathroom.
"I couldn't understand why there were so many dance parties.
" Well, I don't understand what they didn't understand.
Freak right out, freak right out! "There's only one place for Shivers after a literary disaster like this" Don't look at me.
I'm hideous.
AUNT LYDIA: Can you believe this? "Dedicated to Lydia Dracula, the inspiration for the evil queen who hates everything.
Lydia, you're the worst!" Oh! He thinks I'm a queen! [SWOONING.]
I bet the ninjas were her favorite part.
[BATS SCREECHING.]
[WOLF HOWLING.]
Hey, quit hogging the worm fries! Huh? - Dude, I was using that.
- Key word,"was.
" [CLICKS TONGUE.]
You guys really gotta stop this.
- Stop what? - This! - Ow! - Sorry! [LAUGHING.]
Tap, tap, look at me go [SCATTING.]
Not like I was using those, either! [GRUNTS.]
Why do I have to be the monster that comes apart all the time? What I wouldn't give to be all one piece.
Huh.
I had no idea you felt that way, Hank.
We promise not to do it anymore.
- Yeah, man, pinkie swear.
- Dude! Sorry, I couldn't resist.
Voilá! Your doughnuts.
Not to complain, but the whole point of pus sac donuts is that the jelly is trapped on the inside of the sac.
This kinda ruins the fun.
Oh, really? No problem.
[ALL GASPING.]
Is that fun enough for you? [SCOFFS.]
Huh.
Maybe there is a way to keep you from coming apart, Hank.
Okay, get all the magnets, paper clips, and tape you can.
Good call.
And I'll raid the refrigerator - for snacks while I'm at it.
- 'Course you will.
Always taking things that aren't yours.
Didn't steal as much as she did.
[GIGGLING.]
[THUNDER CRASHING.]
You really think this is gonna work? MAVIS: Of course it's going to work.
Tape is really strong.
Just wait until you see it! 'Kay, tilt him to the mirror.
Come on! [STRAINING.]
- Ah! - ALL: Hank! [THUNDER CRASHING.]
- Whaaat? - Hank, you're all Hank, can you hand me your arm? I want to poke you, but I'm too scared to use my own finger.
Okay.
Whoa! [STRAINING.]
Come on, guys! [ALL STRAINING.]
- Nothing's coming off.
- Holy rabies! Hank, you're a real boy! [GASPING.]
[STRAINING.]
All one piece! All one piece! All one piece! All one piece! Hey, guys! Just cause you can't borrow my arms to eat with anymore, doesn't mean you shouldn't eat at all.
Take.
So, how are you feeling? I feel alive! Alive! Alive like a reanimated corpse or alive like a [SNIFFING.]
Human.
[ALL SCREAMING.]
- Mmm-hmm.
- Okay, let's relax here.
I'm sure there is no reason to panic.
Young man, it seems you've got an acute case of the [HEART BEATING.]
[YELLS.]
human! As I was saying, there is one reason to panic.
[GULPs.]
Hank, you can't leave! Aunt Lydia, please! If he leaves, Wendy is gonna end up a mess of slobbering green slime on the floor.
- Isn't that what she already is? - True.
Pedro, this is no time for jokes.
[GASPING.]
You take that back! It's always time for jokes.
I appreciate the love, guys, but this is a hotel for monsters.
Did you see them running for their lives? Even the dead ones! [GROANING.]
Hank, we're your friends.
You belong here with us.
You'll always be my friends, but I gotta go be with the other humans in, um, Humantown.
Which I wanna say is in, uh, Canada? I'm gonna miss you, man.
You mask my natural stench really well.
That is the nicest thing any monster's ever said to me.
Can-a-dah? [MUSIC.]
Hank was a green monster, made up of different parts Two legs, a mouth, three kidneys A bum that let out farts His friends were always stealing His hand, his leg, his head To pick a nose, to scratch a butt It made poor Hank see red! Mavis tried to help Hank out with an experiment To try to keep him in one piece with more than ligaments An unexpected side effect is Hank's no longer green His stitches gone, he looks human Made all the monsters scream! Bye, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, bye! Now, Hank's walking down the road, we follow in a hearse He's asking us to leave, but we don't know how to reverse Oh no, Now we see Donald, he's taking out the trash I hope that we can stop the car or we are going to crash - # Bye, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay# - Ah! Oh, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi to you, too! - Lovely evening for a walk.
- Humans like to walk? [LAUGHING.]
You betcha we do.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
So, what else do humans like? Oh, wow, we like bacon, wearing sweatpants, smelling tennis balls, high-fiving babies, [POP.]
What if the humans are horrible? The ones in Canada may not be as nice as all the other humans seem to think they are.
Canadians are great.
And Hank'll be back! I'd say he's got about six hours tops before he's human for an eternity.
Or however long humans live.
ALL: What? Didn't I mention that? [GRUNTS.]
My bad.
[GROWLING.]
What's that? Hank has gone to the human house? And he's talking to them right now? [GROWLING.]
And you're still in love with Fifi? [GROWLING.]
Ugh! I can only solve one problem at a time, Gavin.
- Oh! There he is.
- We have to save Hank! [MAVIS STRAINING.]
Sorry, Mavis, I shouldn't have eaten that last burrito! Of course human's have glasses of water.
I'll get you one! Donald! What are you thinking, chit-chatting outside after dark? You're going to get this poor boy devoured by monsters and then we'll have to cancel game night! - Come on in, hun.
- Join us! Adventure will be there tomorrow, but Cartwright family game night only lasts for tonight! [CLAPPING.]
[GASPING.]
I'm not afraid of fire? Uh, I mean, you like games? Almost as much as we like popping bubble wrap.
And kitten sweaters! - It's so soft.
- [WHISPERS.]
I know.
[MEOWS.]
[COOING.]
Arr! Walk the plank, matey! Arr! Ah, my name's Hank, and I love being human! Of course you do! [ALL LAUGHING.]
Who's ready for some hangman? - I'll dig the hole.
[CHUCKLES.]
- I don't know.
[LAUGHING.]
[LAUGHING.]
Hank really is becoming human.
Can you please pass me the sugar from up there? Sure! I'll knock it down with my head.
[STRAINING.]
[COOING.]
DONALD: Aw, she's trying to dance! Oopsie! Baby go boom boom? Ah, here, use my feet.
They're way better than yours.
[STRAINING.]
Know what this human could use? A back scratcher.
This sweater sure is itchy! Here.
Borrow my arm.
[STRAINING.]
It won't come off.
[MUSIC.]
Oh, yes! [CHUCKLING.]
Yeah.
[MUSIC CONTINUES.]
I miss my friends.
I miss my old life.
Even my scars are fading.
Wait, my scars are fading? Like going away? So, I won't still be a monster? [SCREAMING.]
I gotta go! Ah! Wait! Go? But there are [STUTTERS.]
m-m-monsters out there! HANK: Yes! There are monsters outside! DONALD: And we've got more popcorn.
So, much popcorn! - HANK: Ah, what's popcorn? - Ooh, it's yummy, try some! WENDY: Hank's scars are almost gone! How do we get him outta there? [THUNDER CRASHING.]
- I have an idea.
- Does it involve getting out of the rain? No, sir! Now, all we have to do is work backward from the moment Hank got zapped and turned into a real boy! So, if Hank is in the house, and the house is struck by lightning, then everything should go back to normal - because Science! - You sure about this? Of course! Okay, technically, I have no clue what I'm doing, but my dad always says [IN DRACULA'S VOICE.]
"Be confident and you can fake your way through anything!" [MUFFLED.]
I so never said that.
He says, "I so never said that.
" Be right bat! Hold this metal thingy! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [GIGGLING.]
Yes! Okay, don't be afraid, it's just [BOTH SCREAMING.]
BOTH: Monsters! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire, fire, fire! Fire! Hey, I'm afraid of fire! Ah! Fire! [CRASHING.]
Ow! I'm back, baby! Man, do I feel good! Hey, wait.
What are these? Not funny, guys.
- Whoops! [ALL LAUGHING.]
- Nope, still not funny.
Really, not that funny.