Kiff (2021) s01e10 Episode Script
Hat/Lost and Found
Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff ♪
(giggles)
(both laugh)
(announcer) Brought to you
by Rat's Hats and Mats.
We got hats, we got mats.
Them's the facts.
Today is Bring a Thing ♪
You just find a thing
And then you bring it ♪
Any old thing
You can wing it ♪
But, of course
Whoever brings the best thing ♪
Gets showered
With love and adulation ♪
And ultimate
Forever popularity ♪
As you get crowned
The Bring a Thing king ♪
So I think what I'm looking for
in Bring a Thing
is something I'll remember
on my deathbed.
-Preach!
-Hate a boring Bring a Thing.
Unfortunately, there is
a certain bunny in this class
who has the tendency
to really dull things down.
Remember that time
he brought the color beige?
Barry Buns? What?
(laughs)
You guys don't know Barry
like I do.
Barry's the best.
(hinges creak)
(face squelches on glass)
Okay, everyone.
Let's take our seats.
Kiff, I got something
really cool!
Really?
Mm
-Uh
-(whimpers)
-Uh
-(whimpering)
Ta-da!
Ah. Is it under hat?
It is hat.
I
Okay, guys,
let's get this party started.
Uh, Barry Buns,
what color did you bring today?
Here we go.
I can't look.
Confidence ♪
-(all cheer)
-All right! Yes!
Huh?
(camera shutters clicking)
-Whoa.
-(gasps)
I am gonna think of this
on my deathbed.
The hat!
Ho-ho! Well, I guess this
squirrel was right about--
(all cheering)
Wow, Barry, there's really
something different about you.
(giggles)
(whimpers)
It's the hat.
Barry, you win.
You're gonna be
Bring a Thing king, baby,
and we shall have a crowning
in front of the whole school
at the end of the day, yay!
(gasps)
Oh, no!
Barry, those grabby paws
are after hat.
Hat is going to get hurt.
But, shh, don't panic, Barry.
Barry, don't panic.
Listen to me, listen to me.
Look at me. Shh. Give it to me.
Give it to me.
I will keep hat safe.
Thanks, Kiff.
Kiff Chatterley,
protector of hat.
You're in safe hands.
(wind gusts)
No!
Oh! I'm so sorry!
Wind section.
-(breeze gusts)
-(gasps)
Confidence ♪
Ah. I'm beautiful.
Hey. I need that hat.
Ew, a student. Finders keepers.
Get away.
(grunting)
Listen, you don't want that hat.
It's got bedbugs.
I mean, head bugs.
It's a garbage hat.
Gross.
Well, if it's a garbage hat
(gasps) What is wrong with you?
Keep hat safe. Keep hat safe.
Keep hat safe
Hmm?
(gasps) A like.
Hmm.
(wind gusts)
Yes!
No!
Welcome to Rat's Hats and Mats.
What'll it be, hat or mat?
Hat. That hat. That hat, stat.
Hmm, that's a floor model.
It'll only set you back 25 nuts.
No. That's Barry's hat, and--
And it'll be your hat
once I get my nuts.
You got a weird energy.
Now get out of here.
(sighs)
Where am I gonna get 25 nuts?
Oh, you're a smug rat.
Yeah, look at you,
with your little beady eyes.
Huh? Chops. Karate chops!
(grunting)
Interesting performance art.
Have a couple nuts.
(gasps)
Nuts!
(strumming jazzy beat)
Et tu, rat? Et tu?
(groans and coughs)
-(all cheer)
-Brava. Brava.
Look at her busking over there.
(woman) Jolly good job.
(laughs)
I think you'll find
I've, uh, got your nuts.
Hat, please.
I just sold that hat
to some old goat.
What? Which goat?
I don't know. He had a beard.
On the mayoral council.
Ugh!
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, you may be interested
in coming to the Bring a Thing
king crowning
at the end of the day?
Pew-pew.
Confidence ♪
Uh, that hat's
gonna be there, right?
-Of course.
-Cool, bro.
See you there.
It's really happening!
(bleating)
(grunting)
Mayoral council.
All the way up here.
(grunting)
Yes. Business.
Mayoral business.
Investments.
Hmm, got to blend in.
(gasps and screams)
Blending.
Blending in with business.
Hey, you, New Beard.
Come see Rockwell's new hat.
Confidence ♪
(gasps)
Whoa, check you out.
Mind if I take a closer look
at that hat?
With a beard that business,
of course.
(laughs)
(gasps)
-Falsehoods.
-(all) Falsehoods!
I'm sorry
for what's about to happen.
-What's about to happen?
-Squirrel attack!
A bottle of beard oil
for whoever retrieves my hat!
-(snarling)
-Jeez.
-Bye!
-(grunting)
Whee!
Yahoo!
(laughing)
I have hat. I have hat!
Oh, don't worry, my sweet Bar.
Hat is safe.
Oh!
What was that?
I don't know.
I've failed my Barry.
Darkness descends.
Ooh! Ah!
Hat!
-(camera shutters clicking)
-Oh, yes. Very nice.
That's not your hat!
Kiff! You tricked me.
You said this was a garbage hat,
but it's more valuable
than gold and jewels!
But it's Barry's hat.
Look at all the likes.
Twelve now.
(laughing)
Squirrel attack!
Hey, look, another like!
-Where?
-Yoink.
(yelling)
(indistinct murmuring)
Aw, where's Kiff?
Barry Buns,
this is your two-minute call.
Kiff, where are you?
(yelling)
(wind gusting)
Wind section!
(cackling)
(growling)
-Whee!
-(both giggling)
Please welcome, welcome, welcome
Barry and hat!
This isn't happening.
-Barry!
-Kiff!
I'm coming!
Ha-ha. Gotcha.
Barry! Incoming!
(grunts)
(whirring)
Oh, look, you ruined it.
Barry.
I will be your hat.
Welcome home, hat.
Confidence ♪
(all cheer)
It's not the hat.
It's Barry.
-(girl) God, look at him!
-(camera shutters clicking)
The hat was within us all along.
Kiff! I didn't think
you were gonna make it.
You had me worried there
for a minute.
Huh?
You're not wearing hat, Barry.
It was all you.
You mean?
It was all you ♪
It was all me?
It was all you entirely ♪
They were cheering for me.
They were cheering for you ♪
They were loving ♪
Everything that you do ♪
BARRY: They really like me?
I was totally right ♪
That you were a totally ♪
Awesome ♪
Guy ♪
I'm really sorry I shredded hat
into a million pieces, Barry.
Oh, that's okay.
-You're not mad?
-No.
Because they really like me ♪
KIFF:
You were something to see ♪
You were through
the roof with likability ♪
BOTH: Infinity, eternity ♪
KIFF: They really like you ♪
BARRY:
Yeah, they really like me ♪
They really like you ♪
-Me ♪
-Us ♪
-We ♪
-You ♪
-Me ♪
-You ♪
-Me, me, me, me, me, me ♪
-You ♪
-You ♪
-Me, me, me, me, me, me ♪
-You ♪
-Me, me, me ♪
Me, myself me ♪
MISS DEER TEACHER: Uh, Barry?
Your crown and scepter.
No thank you, Miss Deer Teacher.
For I need no crown.
-Me, me, me ♪
-You ♪
-Me, me, me, me, me, me ♪
-You ♪
ANNOUNCER: Brought to you by
Sadly Sleeps Soundly Mattresses.
We're a laugh riot.
Huh?
Hey, it's a book.
(voice reading onscreen text)
Oh. Oh, no.
These are someone's deep,
private thoughts.
This isn't a book.
It's a journal.
(echoing) Journal
We have to get this to back
to its owner ASAP.
Hello?
Glarbin?
GLARBIN: Come in, have a seat.
I'm gargling.
(gargles)
Glarbling.
(both snicker)
We have something
of sentimental value
for the lost and found.
GLARBIN:
Great, leave it on my desk.
Well, it's in fate's hands now.
BARRY:
I hope fate has huge hands,
because oh, boy.
Is Glarbin just keeping
everything
from the lost and found
for himself?
He most certainly is not.
(gasps)
Yes, you are. Look at you.
You're head to toe
lost and found.
No. I couldn't stand
the bad optics
of Table Town's
poor lost-to-found ratio,
so I instituted a law
that if an item isn't claimed
by the end of the business day,
it becomes property
of the state.
(slurps)
What the heck is this system?
One that boasts
a 100% success rate,
thank you very much.
We can't leave this journal
with Glarbin.
He'll read the whole thing.
He'll print it
in the news blotter.
Ooh! Great idea.
No. No.
We are finding
its rightful owner.
You have until end
of the business day.
(ticking)
What do we do?
We, uh, open the journal.
No! It's too private.
Just to the first page
where the name is.
Not to a delicate page.
Aw.
Okay, fine.
And, of course,
we'll shut it right away.
Right away.
KIFF:
"If found, please return to"
Ah, the name is tear-smudged.
I don't know
a single Tear-Smudged.
No, no, like, the name "Joel"
or whatever
has been wiped away
by tear water.
Of course it has.
This tender dumpling,
he's crying all the time!
Gosh, we have to flip
to a delicate page.
You said no delicate pages!
Just to find a clue, Bar.
(voice groans)
(voice reading onscreen text)
Oh! So private.
Dang it. No clue.
(sighs) One more page.
What? No!
(sniffing)
Do I smell coffee?
It's a clue.
The next time
this book is opened,
it will be by the owner.
Perfecto.
Now who here journals like
our Sylvia Pablo Picasso Plath?
Hey, this is private.
Oh, gosh, we know.
No spying on my patrons.
No, no. We're about to find out
who lost this journal.
We just need
a handwriting match.
I could cross-reference
my ledger.
All these cash-poor poets
pay by tab.
Can you do it without opening
the journal, please?
-How could I do that, hon?
-We're trying not to share
this person's innermost,
cringer-most feelings
with the world.
Then take it
to the lost and found.
(laughter)
(sniffing)
Okay, open it, Pawv.
One page!
And don't flip through.
Remember, it's for a good cause.
Oh, I won't be listening.
-Nice.
-What?
-Oh, my.
-Does it look familiar?
No, but jumping java beans,
this is honest.
These drawings.
Everyone's got to see this.
Guys, look at this journal
of personal stuff.
Pawva, no!
There's a drawing of a guy
-holding two bags of money
-No!
and there's a hole
where his heart should be.
Guys, it's signed "MDT."
If you'd done any snooping
on your own,
you might have seen.
Shame on you!
Barry, that's an actual clue.
MDT. It's Miss Deer Teacher's.
Oh. Okay.
Oh
Yeah, okay.
(school bell ringing)
She's glowing.
It's definitely hers.
We did it.
Well, this isn't my journal.
Trespasser!
It's a treasure trove.
I thought my old journals
were emotional.
Listen to this entry.
No!
(voice reading onscreen text)
And next to it,
he wrote "metaphor."
(laughs) Oh, boy, is it.
You know, I knew a guy
in college
who used to write
confessional poetry.
He'd mumble
"might destroy tomorrow"
after each one.
"MDT."
Rob Sadly.
Oh, it's got to be his.
All good stories
have three things,
and here we are
at the third thing.
I feel good
about this third thing.
(Muzak playing)
Ahem.
Sir, by any chance,
are you the Rob Sadly
who used to mumble
"might destroy tomorrow"
after writing
a confessional poem?
Yes, I did mumble that.
But I did more than mumble.
I followed through.
I've destroyed everything
I've ever written.
It makes pretty good
mattress stuffing.
So that means you didn't write
this very not-destroyed
journal, huh?
Nope.
No!
Maybe I know
this fellow journaler.
Let me take a look.
(snorting and snarling)
You'll never see
inside this journal!
(growls)
Barry, he's in the journaling
community.
This is like
if someone came to you
and asked you if you knew anyone
with a chunk missing
from their ear.
And you'd know it was me.
And I'd know it was you.
Okay, okay. He can look.
(voice reading onscreen text)
(chuckles) Yeah.
That's mattress stuffing
right there.
The adults in our town
are terrible.
Hmm, touchy kid, huh?
He's not touchy. He's right.
Gee, I'm sorry, kid.
You want to buy a mattress?
Barry, I'm sorry.
We don't have to open it
ever again.
I'll think of some other way of
returning this precious journal.
This heirloom of
(gasps) Barry!
I can't take it anymore.
This notebook
is filled with clues!
We just have to focus on finding
them and putting them together.
That's the only way
we're gonna get this puppy home.
I'm going in!
"My thoughts are spinning tops
that never stop."
"I put the 'sad'
in 'que-sad-dillas.'"
"Am I the scarecrow?"
"Lonely as a bird
who fell out of a nest"
"My thoughts are spinning tops
that never stop"
(voices overlap)
Aw.
MAN: Keep reading! Please!
Oh, no.
-Hey.
-(all gasp)
That's my journal.
Me, Slent.
How do we know
this belongs to you
and you're not just trying
to get your hands on it?
What does "MDT" stand for, hmm?
"My Deepest Thoughts."
(all gasp)
Oh.
Oh. I am so sorry.
-What are you writing?
-Tell us!
Slent, I'm sorry.
I just wanted
to save your journal
from ending up
as property of Glarbin,
but now that I think about it,
it might have been safer
with him.
What do you mean,
property of Glarbin?
Oh, uh, Glarbin keeps everything
that's returned
to the lost and found
so he can say
it's not technically lost.
It belongs to someone, at least.
Him.
Wait, what?
-(rumbling)
-Kiff and Barry,
no doubt bringing me
today's lost item.
(rumbling intensifies)
Yikes-ee-ola!
BOY: My trophies!
MAN 1: Our family
monogrammed rolling pin.
-MAN 2: My dentures.
-MAN 3: My denture collection.
It's nice seeing everyone
reunited with their stuff.
(chuckles)
I used to try to help people
find their lost items,
but it's impossible.
-We know.
-We know.
And you know what?
Now I get to make a new column.
100%.
(sighs)
Everything's looking up.
-(gargles)
-I still wish
we hadn't had to invade
that unicorn's privacy.
I know.
Oh, don't worry about me.
I got these two bags of money
without the hole.
I've been given a book deal.
Turns out people can't get
enough of my confessional poems.
-Congratulations.
-Wow, that's great.
You know, the first thing
I want to do with this cash
is reward you two
for returning my lost journal.
Oh, we could never.
Then how about I make
the first entry in my book
about you gumdrops?
We will take the cash, thanks.
(theme music playing)
Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff ♪
(giggles)
(both laugh)
(announcer) Brought to you
by Rat's Hats and Mats.
We got hats, we got mats.
Them's the facts.
Today is Bring a Thing ♪
You just find a thing
And then you bring it ♪
Any old thing
You can wing it ♪
But, of course
Whoever brings the best thing ♪
Gets showered
With love and adulation ♪
And ultimate
Forever popularity ♪
As you get crowned
The Bring a Thing king ♪
So I think what I'm looking for
in Bring a Thing
is something I'll remember
on my deathbed.
-Preach!
-Hate a boring Bring a Thing.
Unfortunately, there is
a certain bunny in this class
who has the tendency
to really dull things down.
Remember that time
he brought the color beige?
Barry Buns? What?
(laughs)
You guys don't know Barry
like I do.
Barry's the best.
(hinges creak)
(face squelches on glass)
Okay, everyone.
Let's take our seats.
Kiff, I got something
really cool!
Really?
Mm
-Uh
-(whimpers)
-Uh
-(whimpering)
Ta-da!
Ah. Is it under hat?
It is hat.
I
Okay, guys,
let's get this party started.
Uh, Barry Buns,
what color did you bring today?
Here we go.
I can't look.
Confidence ♪
-(all cheer)
-All right! Yes!
Huh?
(camera shutters clicking)
-Whoa.
-(gasps)
I am gonna think of this
on my deathbed.
The hat!
Ho-ho! Well, I guess this
squirrel was right about--
(all cheering)
Wow, Barry, there's really
something different about you.
(giggles)
(whimpers)
It's the hat.
Barry, you win.
You're gonna be
Bring a Thing king, baby,
and we shall have a crowning
in front of the whole school
at the end of the day, yay!
(gasps)
Oh, no!
Barry, those grabby paws
are after hat.
Hat is going to get hurt.
But, shh, don't panic, Barry.
Barry, don't panic.
Listen to me, listen to me.
Look at me. Shh. Give it to me.
Give it to me.
I will keep hat safe.
Thanks, Kiff.
Kiff Chatterley,
protector of hat.
You're in safe hands.
(wind gusts)
No!
Oh! I'm so sorry!
Wind section.
-(breeze gusts)
-(gasps)
Confidence ♪
Ah. I'm beautiful.
Hey. I need that hat.
Ew, a student. Finders keepers.
Get away.
(grunting)
Listen, you don't want that hat.
It's got bedbugs.
I mean, head bugs.
It's a garbage hat.
Gross.
Well, if it's a garbage hat
(gasps) What is wrong with you?
Keep hat safe. Keep hat safe.
Keep hat safe
Hmm?
(gasps) A like.
Hmm.
(wind gusts)
Yes!
No!
Welcome to Rat's Hats and Mats.
What'll it be, hat or mat?
Hat. That hat. That hat, stat.
Hmm, that's a floor model.
It'll only set you back 25 nuts.
No. That's Barry's hat, and--
And it'll be your hat
once I get my nuts.
You got a weird energy.
Now get out of here.
(sighs)
Where am I gonna get 25 nuts?
Oh, you're a smug rat.
Yeah, look at you,
with your little beady eyes.
Huh? Chops. Karate chops!
(grunting)
Interesting performance art.
Have a couple nuts.
(gasps)
Nuts!
(strumming jazzy beat)
Et tu, rat? Et tu?
(groans and coughs)
-(all cheer)
-Brava. Brava.
Look at her busking over there.
(woman) Jolly good job.
(laughs)
I think you'll find
I've, uh, got your nuts.
Hat, please.
I just sold that hat
to some old goat.
What? Which goat?
I don't know. He had a beard.
On the mayoral council.
Ugh!
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, you may be interested
in coming to the Bring a Thing
king crowning
at the end of the day?
Pew-pew.
Confidence ♪
Uh, that hat's
gonna be there, right?
-Of course.
-Cool, bro.
See you there.
It's really happening!
(bleating)
(grunting)
Mayoral council.
All the way up here.
(grunting)
Yes. Business.
Mayoral business.
Investments.
Hmm, got to blend in.
(gasps and screams)
Blending.
Blending in with business.
Hey, you, New Beard.
Come see Rockwell's new hat.
Confidence ♪
(gasps)
Whoa, check you out.
Mind if I take a closer look
at that hat?
With a beard that business,
of course.
(laughs)
(gasps)
-Falsehoods.
-(all) Falsehoods!
I'm sorry
for what's about to happen.
-What's about to happen?
-Squirrel attack!
A bottle of beard oil
for whoever retrieves my hat!
-(snarling)
-Jeez.
-Bye!
-(grunting)
Whee!
Yahoo!
(laughing)
I have hat. I have hat!
Oh, don't worry, my sweet Bar.
Hat is safe.
Oh!
What was that?
I don't know.
I've failed my Barry.
Darkness descends.
Ooh! Ah!
Hat!
-(camera shutters clicking)
-Oh, yes. Very nice.
That's not your hat!
Kiff! You tricked me.
You said this was a garbage hat,
but it's more valuable
than gold and jewels!
But it's Barry's hat.
Look at all the likes.
Twelve now.
(laughing)
Squirrel attack!
Hey, look, another like!
-Where?
-Yoink.
(yelling)
(indistinct murmuring)
Aw, where's Kiff?
Barry Buns,
this is your two-minute call.
Kiff, where are you?
(yelling)
(wind gusting)
Wind section!
(cackling)
(growling)
-Whee!
-(both giggling)
Please welcome, welcome, welcome
Barry and hat!
This isn't happening.
-Barry!
-Kiff!
I'm coming!
Ha-ha. Gotcha.
Barry! Incoming!
(grunts)
(whirring)
Oh, look, you ruined it.
Barry.
I will be your hat.
Welcome home, hat.
Confidence ♪
(all cheer)
It's not the hat.
It's Barry.
-(girl) God, look at him!
-(camera shutters clicking)
The hat was within us all along.
Kiff! I didn't think
you were gonna make it.
You had me worried there
for a minute.
Huh?
You're not wearing hat, Barry.
It was all you.
You mean?
It was all you ♪
It was all me?
It was all you entirely ♪
They were cheering for me.
They were cheering for you ♪
They were loving ♪
Everything that you do ♪
BARRY: They really like me?
I was totally right ♪
That you were a totally ♪
Awesome ♪
Guy ♪
I'm really sorry I shredded hat
into a million pieces, Barry.
Oh, that's okay.
-You're not mad?
-No.
Because they really like me ♪
KIFF:
You were something to see ♪
You were through
the roof with likability ♪
BOTH: Infinity, eternity ♪
KIFF: They really like you ♪
BARRY:
Yeah, they really like me ♪
They really like you ♪
-Me ♪
-Us ♪
-We ♪
-You ♪
-Me ♪
-You ♪
-Me, me, me, me, me, me ♪
-You ♪
-You ♪
-Me, me, me, me, me, me ♪
-You ♪
-Me, me, me ♪
Me, myself me ♪
MISS DEER TEACHER: Uh, Barry?
Your crown and scepter.
No thank you, Miss Deer Teacher.
For I need no crown.
-Me, me, me ♪
-You ♪
-Me, me, me, me, me, me ♪
-You ♪
ANNOUNCER: Brought to you by
Sadly Sleeps Soundly Mattresses.
We're a laugh riot.
Huh?
Hey, it's a book.
(voice reading onscreen text)
Oh. Oh, no.
These are someone's deep,
private thoughts.
This isn't a book.
It's a journal.
(echoing) Journal
We have to get this to back
to its owner ASAP.
Hello?
Glarbin?
GLARBIN: Come in, have a seat.
I'm gargling.
(gargles)
Glarbling.
(both snicker)
We have something
of sentimental value
for the lost and found.
GLARBIN:
Great, leave it on my desk.
Well, it's in fate's hands now.
BARRY:
I hope fate has huge hands,
because oh, boy.
Is Glarbin just keeping
everything
from the lost and found
for himself?
He most certainly is not.
(gasps)
Yes, you are. Look at you.
You're head to toe
lost and found.
No. I couldn't stand
the bad optics
of Table Town's
poor lost-to-found ratio,
so I instituted a law
that if an item isn't claimed
by the end of the business day,
it becomes property
of the state.
(slurps)
What the heck is this system?
One that boasts
a 100% success rate,
thank you very much.
We can't leave this journal
with Glarbin.
He'll read the whole thing.
He'll print it
in the news blotter.
Ooh! Great idea.
No. No.
We are finding
its rightful owner.
You have until end
of the business day.
(ticking)
What do we do?
We, uh, open the journal.
No! It's too private.
Just to the first page
where the name is.
Not to a delicate page.
Aw.
Okay, fine.
And, of course,
we'll shut it right away.
Right away.
KIFF:
"If found, please return to"
Ah, the name is tear-smudged.
I don't know
a single Tear-Smudged.
No, no, like, the name "Joel"
or whatever
has been wiped away
by tear water.
Of course it has.
This tender dumpling,
he's crying all the time!
Gosh, we have to flip
to a delicate page.
You said no delicate pages!
Just to find a clue, Bar.
(voice groans)
(voice reading onscreen text)
Oh! So private.
Dang it. No clue.
(sighs) One more page.
What? No!
(sniffing)
Do I smell coffee?
It's a clue.
The next time
this book is opened,
it will be by the owner.
Perfecto.
Now who here journals like
our Sylvia Pablo Picasso Plath?
Hey, this is private.
Oh, gosh, we know.
No spying on my patrons.
No, no. We're about to find out
who lost this journal.
We just need
a handwriting match.
I could cross-reference
my ledger.
All these cash-poor poets
pay by tab.
Can you do it without opening
the journal, please?
-How could I do that, hon?
-We're trying not to share
this person's innermost,
cringer-most feelings
with the world.
Then take it
to the lost and found.
(laughter)
(sniffing)
Okay, open it, Pawv.
One page!
And don't flip through.
Remember, it's for a good cause.
Oh, I won't be listening.
-Nice.
-What?
-Oh, my.
-Does it look familiar?
No, but jumping java beans,
this is honest.
These drawings.
Everyone's got to see this.
Guys, look at this journal
of personal stuff.
Pawva, no!
There's a drawing of a guy
-holding two bags of money
-No!
and there's a hole
where his heart should be.
Guys, it's signed "MDT."
If you'd done any snooping
on your own,
you might have seen.
Shame on you!
Barry, that's an actual clue.
MDT. It's Miss Deer Teacher's.
Oh. Okay.
Oh
Yeah, okay.
(school bell ringing)
She's glowing.
It's definitely hers.
We did it.
Well, this isn't my journal.
Trespasser!
It's a treasure trove.
I thought my old journals
were emotional.
Listen to this entry.
No!
(voice reading onscreen text)
And next to it,
he wrote "metaphor."
(laughs) Oh, boy, is it.
You know, I knew a guy
in college
who used to write
confessional poetry.
He'd mumble
"might destroy tomorrow"
after each one.
"MDT."
Rob Sadly.
Oh, it's got to be his.
All good stories
have three things,
and here we are
at the third thing.
I feel good
about this third thing.
(Muzak playing)
Ahem.
Sir, by any chance,
are you the Rob Sadly
who used to mumble
"might destroy tomorrow"
after writing
a confessional poem?
Yes, I did mumble that.
But I did more than mumble.
I followed through.
I've destroyed everything
I've ever written.
It makes pretty good
mattress stuffing.
So that means you didn't write
this very not-destroyed
journal, huh?
Nope.
No!
Maybe I know
this fellow journaler.
Let me take a look.
(snorting and snarling)
You'll never see
inside this journal!
(growls)
Barry, he's in the journaling
community.
This is like
if someone came to you
and asked you if you knew anyone
with a chunk missing
from their ear.
And you'd know it was me.
And I'd know it was you.
Okay, okay. He can look.
(voice reading onscreen text)
(chuckles) Yeah.
That's mattress stuffing
right there.
The adults in our town
are terrible.
Hmm, touchy kid, huh?
He's not touchy. He's right.
Gee, I'm sorry, kid.
You want to buy a mattress?
Barry, I'm sorry.
We don't have to open it
ever again.
I'll think of some other way of
returning this precious journal.
This heirloom of
(gasps) Barry!
I can't take it anymore.
This notebook
is filled with clues!
We just have to focus on finding
them and putting them together.
That's the only way
we're gonna get this puppy home.
I'm going in!
"My thoughts are spinning tops
that never stop."
"I put the 'sad'
in 'que-sad-dillas.'"
"Am I the scarecrow?"
"Lonely as a bird
who fell out of a nest"
"My thoughts are spinning tops
that never stop"
(voices overlap)
Aw.
MAN: Keep reading! Please!
Oh, no.
-Hey.
-(all gasp)
That's my journal.
Me, Slent.
How do we know
this belongs to you
and you're not just trying
to get your hands on it?
What does "MDT" stand for, hmm?
"My Deepest Thoughts."
(all gasp)
Oh.
Oh. I am so sorry.
-What are you writing?
-Tell us!
Slent, I'm sorry.
I just wanted
to save your journal
from ending up
as property of Glarbin,
but now that I think about it,
it might have been safer
with him.
What do you mean,
property of Glarbin?
Oh, uh, Glarbin keeps everything
that's returned
to the lost and found
so he can say
it's not technically lost.
It belongs to someone, at least.
Him.
Wait, what?
-(rumbling)
-Kiff and Barry,
no doubt bringing me
today's lost item.
(rumbling intensifies)
Yikes-ee-ola!
BOY: My trophies!
MAN 1: Our family
monogrammed rolling pin.
-MAN 2: My dentures.
-MAN 3: My denture collection.
It's nice seeing everyone
reunited with their stuff.
(chuckles)
I used to try to help people
find their lost items,
but it's impossible.
-We know.
-We know.
And you know what?
Now I get to make a new column.
100%.
(sighs)
Everything's looking up.
-(gargles)
-I still wish
we hadn't had to invade
that unicorn's privacy.
I know.
Oh, don't worry about me.
I got these two bags of money
without the hole.
I've been given a book deal.
Turns out people can't get
enough of my confessional poems.
-Congratulations.
-Wow, that's great.
You know, the first thing
I want to do with this cash
is reward you two
for returning my lost journal.
Oh, we could never.
Then how about I make
the first entry in my book
about you gumdrops?
We will take the cash, thanks.
(theme music playing)