Killing It (2022) s01e10 Episode Script
The Storm
Brock? Bro, can you hear me, bro?
Come on, baby.
Come on, Brock.
- Brock! - Can't get 911.
No fucking recep - Shit! - Is it that bad? What? No.
No, just, uh, you look great.
Got your standard number of eyeballs.
Hey.
Hey! We're taking you to the hospital.
We couldn't get an ambulance, but this is just as good.
I'm basically an EM since I took a CPR course seven years ago when I worked at the water park.
No seatbelt.
I'm not normally back here when it's moving.
I'll just Ah! Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Oh, I guess you'll just have to get used to women throwing themselves at you what with how normal your face looks now.
Oh! - Ah! - Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Okay.
There you are.
Brock, right? Nod if you can hear me.
I'm Dr.
Mandril.
I'm going to be operating on you today.
You're going to be fine.
Your friends got you here in time.
They saved your life.
You're in good hands, mm? You know, I really hate lying like that, but his last thought shouldn't be, "I'm going to die.
" This way, he croaks on a high note.
What? You didn't give him the gas yet? - No, sorry.
- What the fuck, Ryan? Jesus fucking Christ! Would you knock him out already? Yes, Doctor.
You are going to be just fine.
Don't worry about a thing, okay? Okay.
Welcome back to our coverage of Hurricane Annie brought to you by Sombrero's Mexican Grill, home of the original cheeseburger quesadilla.
Cheesy, beefy, caliente! Use Sombrero's online ordering for curbside delivery, the perfect option if you're on the road this week fleeing the storm.
Which may be a lot of you.
It looks like Annie is going to make landfall as a category four, prompting talks of mandatory evacuations.
Ah.
Well, thanks for coming back in, guys.
I wanted to let you know we caught Carlos Ramirez, AKA "Condom Carl.
" Did he say what happened? He won't talk, but it's all on video.
So it's open and shut.
The D.
A.
said I can return your personal items.
So we got a set of keys and a couple of phones and I believe this is yours.
Thank God.
It's been so hard to sleep without a pillow.
What? I'll flip it over.
Um, what about the grack sack? The big bag with the python eggs.
That was Jillian's too.
No, those were Brock's.
That's why he got shot, isn't it? What's the story there? No stories.
They were they were Brock's.
Well, if you can get Brock to sign for them, I can release the eggs and you can sort it out yourselves.
Yeah, but he's in a coma.
I don't think he's gonna be signing anything.
And the python hunt ends in six days.
After that, they're useless.
Well, if he's incapacitated, a family member could always sign for him.
- The fuck? - Ugh.
That's Pete.
Pete the pig.
We borrowed him from the DEA.
He's so cute.
Yeah, he's cute.
He's also a huge fucking asshole! Can pigs be assholes? He swallowed my Bluetooth, so you tell me.
- What does Pete the pig do? - He's a super sniffer.
We actually got him to locate Condom Carl's gun.
He dropped it at the scene.
It vanished.
The chief seems to think it's in the grass somewhere.
So now we all have to put up with Pete's fucking bullshit, all fucking week! It's so dumb because the gun's long gone.
Long gone? Gone where? I have a theory about that.
I believe it was eaten by a snake.
Can snakes eat handguns? Oh, yeah.
Looked it up.
They eat everything.
License plates, alligators Heck, even people.
People? That's that's crazy.
So what I did was I contacted the Department of Water Management.
Every dead snake that comes through there, they're gonna cut it open, examine the stomach contents, and let me know.
I bet we'd find that gun in one of them.
Fuck.
They're cutting open snakes now? What happens when someone catches the one that ate Noah? Aww, I didn't know his name was Noah.
I'd rather not humanize him.
Can we please call him "the body"? Well, they'll find the body, all the body's bones, all the body's wallet, or pictures of the body's nieces in it.
La, la, la, the body had no one who loved it.
The body was all alone.
Then Rodney Lamonca's gonna kill me.
Oh, it's not gonna be a regular death though.
He's gonna probably hang me from a building or make me lick poison off some money.
- What? - I don't know.
He's fucked up.
Relax, okay? I read online it only takes three weeks for a snake to fully digest a deer.
Humans are basically deers.
But it hasn't been a few weeks.
It's been one week, Cregory.
There's over 100,000 pythons in the Everglades.
What are the odds someone's gonna catch that one? That snake was 20 feet long and white with red eyes.
Fucking biblical motherfucker couldn't be more conspicuous if he tried.
Nobody's going out to the swamps this week anyway, not with this storm coming.
Thank God for global fucking warming.
That's the spirit.
Too bad about the grack sack.
Yeah.
Guess it's all over then.
No more saw palmetto farm.
Yeah.
Fuck! Unless we could maybe ask Corby to get the eggs from the police station for us? He's a nice kid.
He might feel kind of bad that his dad basically stole them from us.
Totally.
I mean, it feels a little ghoulish.
Seeing his dad is in a coma.
And we were sort of responsible.
True, true, true.
Good point.
Good point.
Except we're also responsible for saving Brock's life.
Yeah.
We drove him to the hospital.
Got him there before he lost consciousness.
If you think about it, we're kind of heroes.
Corby's gonna be so grateful.
Of course he's gonna give us those snake eggs.
"Anything for you guys because you saved my dad's" He died this morning.
I'm so sorry, Corby.
If you need anything at all, we're here for you.
Thanks.
But didn't you guys say you needed a favor? - What? Definitely not.
- Us? - We're here for you, champ.
- We're not heroes.
- We're just friends.
- Friends without motives.
And we definitely see the potential of up to 6 million customers losing power in the wake of the storm.
These outages may outlast emergency generator capacity, so we're recommending hospitals transfer all high-risk patients out of state to avoid mass casualties.
This emergency update was brought to you by the all new bacon crammers from Burger Load.
Now you're crammed with knowledge! Crammed deep up in there! - Can't believe Brock's dead.
- Yeah.
But I've been around so much death, nothing's shocking.
You know, I've won this dress to 17 funerals? 17 funerals is too many funerals.
Well, there was my dad.
That was a heart attack.
And then my friend Amy.
Overdose.
But then the other 15 was when I was hired to be a mourner.
- That's a job? - Uh-huh.
It's so unpopular people don't seem like they died friendless.
And I was great at it.
I can start sobbing on demand.
- Really? - Yeah.
It's just a skill I've always had.
Don't know why.
Probably because of my deep well of sadness.
Hey, about the eggs.
I think we should tell Corby to pick them up before the contest ends so he can claim the prize money.
Feels like the right thing to do.
He lost his dad.
We both know how tough that is.
Yeah.
God.
Of course, my dad didn't steal someone else's bag of snake eggs before he died.
Neither did mine.
Seems like a relevant distinction.
- Very relevant.
- I mean, that was our dream.
And Brock took it from us.
We'll be We're giving Corby the eggs and that's that.
Guys, I feel like God sent us Brock to remind us that life is precious and to make as much content as you can while you can.
Yo, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little jealous though.
The kingdom sounds sick.
Hey.
We met at the DMV.
Matt, Brock's friend.
Yeah.
I remember you.
You were having an affair with his wife.
Yeah.
I don't know why it's necessary to be bringing up old shit at a funeral.
I'm just saying that's how I know you.
You were sleeping with his wife.
That's the only context I have to put you in.
Okay, cool.
So what? You just sit around talking about old shit all day? - You started talking to me.
- Okay Did I say anything to you? No.
I'm done now.
I'm done.
All right.
Well, good job, homewrecker.
- What the - Excuse me.
Hi.
I'd, uh I'd like to thank everyone for coming.
I know my dad was a lot.
A lot of anger, a lot of yelling, a lot of saying the word fuck or shit.
Or when he was really mad, he loved to call people dickless skunks.
He called you that.
But you know, there was a lot of good that came with my dad as well.
A lot of laughter, a lot of learning, and most importantly, there were always a lot of surprises! Oh! That's right, motherfuckers! You can't get rid of me that easy.
- Whoo! - Oh! - We did it again! - We prayed him back to life! Let's go! What is happening? Jesus! Brock is alive! He has risen! Thank you for coming.
Thank you.
Thanks for coming, man.
Whoa! Whoa.
Oh, bring it in.
You guys saved my life.
Oh.
That was crazy.
Are you all right? Fuck no.
No.
My eyeball got vaporized.
Just, pfft, yeah.
But that bullet gave me some other powers.
You know, I'm like a fucking superhero now.
What kind of powers? Do you have enhanced hearing? What? Fuck that shit.
I'm rich now, which is the greatest fucking superpower of all, you know what I'm saying? I made tens of thousands of dollars when I uploaded that video of me getting shot.
It's been viewed over 15 million times.
- Damn.
- Yeah.
I don't know.
People just love to see all that blood spraying out the back of my head I'm a worldwide sensation.
In fact, some chick in Indonesia, she DM'd me.
She asked me to get married.
- And what did you tell her? - I said, "Fuck no.
" You know, it's probably some dude living in his mom's basement in Toronto, jerking it to the idea of sticking his cock in my socket.
- Oh, God.
- And I told him that, you know, I'm already taken.
Got my little strawberry shortcake here.
American dream, guys.
American dream.
- Getting shot in the face.
- Getting shot in the face.
That's right.
I cracked the code.
Oh, hey, guess who was in the hospital when I woke up? The guys from Rawboned.
com.
I got a sponsor.
They're these pills you take to dehydrate yourself so you look hot for selfies.
Yeah.
In fact, the whole fake funeral was their idea.
Brock, we so stoked for this vid, baby.
It's gonna pull some huge numbers! That's what I'm talking about.
That's my guy.
That's my guy now.
Hey, since the snake hunt is ending in two days We wanted you to know the police have those python eggs for you.
Yeah, um, let me guess.
You want 'em for yourself.
Well, we actually came to make sure Corby got them - when we thought you were dead.
- Yeah.
But since you're not And since you're doing so well financially Hey, I blackmailed you for those eggs fair and square.
Okay? So I'ma drive down to the police station.
I'ma take 'em for myself.
But I can't drive because I have no depth perception.
So will you guys take me? Cheesy, beefy, caliente.
Cheesy, beefy, caliente.
If you want your python eggs, follow me.
Sorry about the chaos.
We're worried about flooding, so we gotta empty the evidence room, make sure nothing gets destroyed.
Your eggs though should be right Oh, shit.
He ate 'em.
Who the fuck is this? Pete the pig! You asshole.
Told you.
That little pig fuck! He ate all but six of them.
Maybe it's karma.
Maybe you shouldn't have tried to steal our prize money.
Hey, you know what? Fuck off, okay? I wasn't gonna actually keep the eggs from you.
I was gonna give 'em to you as a surprise on camera.
Check this out.
Hey, boys! Come out, come on.
This is my crew.
Viral philanthropy.
It's huge on YouTube.
You know, you give cash to strangers or Yeezys to teachers.
See the one with the homeless guy where they're giving him the Apple Watch? No.
He didn't actually want it.
Got pretty violent.
But look, the point is this.
This video was gonna be life-affirming as shit.
A creator finally makes it, giving back.
Yeah, fuck it.
Just 'cause I don't have the eggs doesn't mean I can't give you this.
That's $20,000.
- What? - Yeah.
From the Rawboned guys, for the funeral.
We were gonna get a fire rig for the casket to make it look like I was literally coming up from hell, but couldn't get it shipped out in time.
Wait.
Are you serious right now? This is fake, right? This is for a video.
Fuck no, it's not for a video.
Guys, last week, I I thought I was gonna die.
I mean, I was on that table.
All I could think about was my son, you know? And just how much I I didn't want Corby to grow up to be like me.
I've walked this Earth for 42 years.
I can't think of a single person whose life is better because they met me.
This is my chance to make that right.
I, uh I don't know what to say.
Thank you doesn't seem like enough.
Thank you is all I need.
Fucking love you, man.
Love you, brother.
Definitely gonna need to go again.
What? I said we're definitely gonna need to go again.
Guys, I want you to bring it in a little closer.
Okay? Get the intimacy here.
Okay, hey, I need the envelope back.
I thought you said this wasn't a video.
Of course it's for a video.
Okay? I mean, I meant everything I said, and of course you can keep the money, but I gotta do numbers on this one 'cause, you know, I'm losing a lot of cash.
And hey, not just a thank you.
You know, like, come on.
I need you, like, crazy and yelling, screaming.
You know, maybe somebody throws up.
I can start sobbing on demand.
- I can scream real loud.
- Let do it.
- Boom! - What? - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - This is crazy! - Oh, my God! - This is crazy! I don't know how to thank you enough! I wanna thank Rawboned.
com.
Thank you so much.
- Oh! - Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Holy shit! - Craig! - Jillian! The bank.
We gotta go to the bank right now.
I think they might have closed early because of the storm.
I will deposit this in the ATM 120 at a time if I have to.
Come on, come on, come on.
Hey.
I know this isn't happening 'cause of Brock or Condom Carl or Rawboned.
com or any of that.
This is happening 'cause of you, Jillian Glopp.
You found the eggs.
You You saved me.
We should deposit this in your account.
You should have control over it.
Cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it should probably go in your account since I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to partner with you on the farm.
What? What you talking about? I might lose my green card and get deported in a couple weeks.
Jillian? It's because I stole Silas' pill bottle, which was a drug-related offense.
Do you have a lawyer? What's your lawyer say? Yep.
She says she can take care of this no problem.
Okay, great.
That's great.
Very great.
Except I can't afford her.
But don't worry.
I'm gonna represent myself.
To prepare, I've been watching a lot of that show "Suits" through the window of a house I park my car in front of.
I can't hear the dialogue, but I've picked up some very powerful hand gestures.
I am pointing.
I am pointing.
Now I am crossing my arms.
Jesus.
Why didn't you tell me? You've been busy.
And I don't know.
Maybe I'll be happier.
I mean, I live in a billboard.
How much worse can my life get? At least in Australia, they have free health care.
But you wanna stay, right? I mean, it was my father's dream to make it in America.
And being here and trying to follow in his footsteps, it's really the only thing that lets me still feel connected to him, or connected to anything.
Without that, I really think I'd just be floating in space.
Damn.
No.
Yeah.
This is more important.
- I can't.
- Yes, you can, Jillian.
Okay? It's yours.
Take it, pay the lawyer, and come to Camille's after.
I'm not letting you ride out a hurricane in a billboard.
You okay? What are you doing? I'm trying to give you a hug, but the seatbelt's locked up.
It'll release in a second.
You know, you can just unbuckle it.
Oh, right.
Man, that shit is foolish.
She's a friend, plus it's her money, Zay.
I mean, dude handed the envelope to you.
That's your problem.
You're always trying to look out for everybody else.
You know, what you even doing here helping me put up plywood, anyway? You called and asked me to come.
Yeah, well, it's fucked up that you said yes.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I love that your dumb ass is the way it is.
But ain't nothing in this for you.
You know I ordered delivery and didn't even ask you if you wanted anything? - What kind of delivery? - Islas Canarias.
What? While you was working, I got croquetas.
- Damn! - Mm-hmm.
Doing the right thing is never a mistake.
- I believe in karma.
- Karma.
All I know is the one time I was gonna break the rules, the one time, the fucking putt putt immediately went up in flames.
Lake on fire and everything.
Bible shit.
So if that's not the universe sending me a message, what is it? Just a random fucking event, Craig.
I mean, thousands of folks gonna lose they homes in this hurricane.
You think they did anything to deserve this shit? - No.
- What about every other person who entered the python challenge and didn't win? - Are they bad people? - No.
What about Nemo's mom in "Finding Nemo"? You think she got what was coming to her? We don't know what Nemo's mom did before the movie started.
We don't know how she was.
If that's what you got to tell yourself.
Nemo's mom was a computer fish.
What are we even talking about? Why you think the pythons take over, hm? It's because they they're good, or it's God's will, or it's because they big and they mean, and they don't give a fuck about anyone else? I think there are complex biological factors at play It's because they don't give a fuck about anyone.
That's who wins.
That's how the world works.
That's not how the world works.
The world is not all snakes.
Yes.
Yes, it is.
Ain't nothing but snakes all the way down.
Or maybe that's just something you made up so you can have an excuse to act like a selfish asshole.
At the end of the day, I have Nessa.
I have Camille.
I have Jillian.
None of them are snakes, by the way.
But who do you have? Let's play a little game.
Who does Isaiah have on his squad? Uh, Dame? Rodney Lamonca? You have nobody.
You all alone out here, Isaiah.
So please don't tell me about your grand theory of how the world works because Camille's moving, you know.
To Oakland.
What? She's taking Vanessa.
No, she's not.
That's bullshit.
She texted me because my boy Drew ships cars all across the country and she wanted his number.
I promised her that I wouldn't say anything to you, but then it really helped me win this argument.
What the fuck? I don't understand what's happening.
We already went through this two weeks ago, with dumbfuck Marco and dumbfuck Columbus, Ohio.
Remember? You chose me over him.
So you want to move to California? You wanna take my daughter 14,000 miles away from me? Or a thousand miles, or I don't know the distance.
How far is Oakland? A good life involves her dad.
I can help you.
That's not true.
Yes, there is.
I almost had it today.
I promise you.
I can do this.
I can fucking do this! Dad? It's okay, baby.
It's just the power.
I gave the money to the lawyer.
They were closed, but they sent someone through the storm to take my deposit.
Lawyers love money.
"Suits" was right.
Yeah, okay.
Good.
Are you okay? I'm fine.
Can I borrow your car? Right now? Why? 'Cause.
I'm going snake hunting.
I mean, you said that very dramatically, and it was definitely cool, but there's a hurricane right now.
I really don't think you should be going out there.
Craig! If you're going, I'm going.
It's okay.
You don't have to.
Craig, we're partners.
Now, as someone who's often winging it, I find the lack of forethought here exhilarating.
But also, what is the plan? We're at fifth place, 25 feet of snake out of first.
The six eggs from the grack sack gets us 12, so we just need to find a 13 footer before the contest ends.
Right.
That makes sense.
Smart.
The only tiny little problem I see is the life-threatening winds and rain.
It's actually great because it means nobody else will be out hunting in this weather.
Right.
Totally.
This is great.
- Craig, slow down! - Oh, it's fuckin' Look out! The billboard keeps catching the wind.
It's gonna pull us off the road.
I mean, I guess we could always just turn around and go home.
We're not turning around! This is gonna work out.
The universe will provide.
I promise.
Fuck it.
I'm going out there.
Oh, my God! This is crazy! It's pitch black! We're never gonna find anything out here! We'll find something, Jillian! We have to! I can't see anything! Can you see anything? It's so fucking dark, Craig! Well, we gave it a go, and that's what matters! We can probably go home now! Oh, my God! There's nothing out here! Craig, I wanna believe in you, but I don't think the universe is gonna send us a Oh, shit.
Is that the snake that ate Noah? Yep, that's him.
What you think? 16 footer? You don't have to do this.
What about Isaiah? Nothing but snakes, all the way down.
What is this? That, my friend, is $20,000.
Zay, it's me.
Listen.
You gonna want to run.
Come on, Brock.
- Brock! - Can't get 911.
No fucking recep - Shit! - Is it that bad? What? No.
No, just, uh, you look great.
Got your standard number of eyeballs.
Hey.
Hey! We're taking you to the hospital.
We couldn't get an ambulance, but this is just as good.
I'm basically an EM since I took a CPR course seven years ago when I worked at the water park.
No seatbelt.
I'm not normally back here when it's moving.
I'll just Ah! Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Oh, I guess you'll just have to get used to women throwing themselves at you what with how normal your face looks now.
Oh! - Ah! - Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Okay.
There you are.
Brock, right? Nod if you can hear me.
I'm Dr.
Mandril.
I'm going to be operating on you today.
You're going to be fine.
Your friends got you here in time.
They saved your life.
You're in good hands, mm? You know, I really hate lying like that, but his last thought shouldn't be, "I'm going to die.
" This way, he croaks on a high note.
What? You didn't give him the gas yet? - No, sorry.
- What the fuck, Ryan? Jesus fucking Christ! Would you knock him out already? Yes, Doctor.
You are going to be just fine.
Don't worry about a thing, okay? Okay.
Welcome back to our coverage of Hurricane Annie brought to you by Sombrero's Mexican Grill, home of the original cheeseburger quesadilla.
Cheesy, beefy, caliente! Use Sombrero's online ordering for curbside delivery, the perfect option if you're on the road this week fleeing the storm.
Which may be a lot of you.
It looks like Annie is going to make landfall as a category four, prompting talks of mandatory evacuations.
Ah.
Well, thanks for coming back in, guys.
I wanted to let you know we caught Carlos Ramirez, AKA "Condom Carl.
" Did he say what happened? He won't talk, but it's all on video.
So it's open and shut.
The D.
A.
said I can return your personal items.
So we got a set of keys and a couple of phones and I believe this is yours.
Thank God.
It's been so hard to sleep without a pillow.
What? I'll flip it over.
Um, what about the grack sack? The big bag with the python eggs.
That was Jillian's too.
No, those were Brock's.
That's why he got shot, isn't it? What's the story there? No stories.
They were they were Brock's.
Well, if you can get Brock to sign for them, I can release the eggs and you can sort it out yourselves.
Yeah, but he's in a coma.
I don't think he's gonna be signing anything.
And the python hunt ends in six days.
After that, they're useless.
Well, if he's incapacitated, a family member could always sign for him.
- The fuck? - Ugh.
That's Pete.
Pete the pig.
We borrowed him from the DEA.
He's so cute.
Yeah, he's cute.
He's also a huge fucking asshole! Can pigs be assholes? He swallowed my Bluetooth, so you tell me.
- What does Pete the pig do? - He's a super sniffer.
We actually got him to locate Condom Carl's gun.
He dropped it at the scene.
It vanished.
The chief seems to think it's in the grass somewhere.
So now we all have to put up with Pete's fucking bullshit, all fucking week! It's so dumb because the gun's long gone.
Long gone? Gone where? I have a theory about that.
I believe it was eaten by a snake.
Can snakes eat handguns? Oh, yeah.
Looked it up.
They eat everything.
License plates, alligators Heck, even people.
People? That's that's crazy.
So what I did was I contacted the Department of Water Management.
Every dead snake that comes through there, they're gonna cut it open, examine the stomach contents, and let me know.
I bet we'd find that gun in one of them.
Fuck.
They're cutting open snakes now? What happens when someone catches the one that ate Noah? Aww, I didn't know his name was Noah.
I'd rather not humanize him.
Can we please call him "the body"? Well, they'll find the body, all the body's bones, all the body's wallet, or pictures of the body's nieces in it.
La, la, la, the body had no one who loved it.
The body was all alone.
Then Rodney Lamonca's gonna kill me.
Oh, it's not gonna be a regular death though.
He's gonna probably hang me from a building or make me lick poison off some money.
- What? - I don't know.
He's fucked up.
Relax, okay? I read online it only takes three weeks for a snake to fully digest a deer.
Humans are basically deers.
But it hasn't been a few weeks.
It's been one week, Cregory.
There's over 100,000 pythons in the Everglades.
What are the odds someone's gonna catch that one? That snake was 20 feet long and white with red eyes.
Fucking biblical motherfucker couldn't be more conspicuous if he tried.
Nobody's going out to the swamps this week anyway, not with this storm coming.
Thank God for global fucking warming.
That's the spirit.
Too bad about the grack sack.
Yeah.
Guess it's all over then.
No more saw palmetto farm.
Yeah.
Fuck! Unless we could maybe ask Corby to get the eggs from the police station for us? He's a nice kid.
He might feel kind of bad that his dad basically stole them from us.
Totally.
I mean, it feels a little ghoulish.
Seeing his dad is in a coma.
And we were sort of responsible.
True, true, true.
Good point.
Good point.
Except we're also responsible for saving Brock's life.
Yeah.
We drove him to the hospital.
Got him there before he lost consciousness.
If you think about it, we're kind of heroes.
Corby's gonna be so grateful.
Of course he's gonna give us those snake eggs.
"Anything for you guys because you saved my dad's" He died this morning.
I'm so sorry, Corby.
If you need anything at all, we're here for you.
Thanks.
But didn't you guys say you needed a favor? - What? Definitely not.
- Us? - We're here for you, champ.
- We're not heroes.
- We're just friends.
- Friends without motives.
And we definitely see the potential of up to 6 million customers losing power in the wake of the storm.
These outages may outlast emergency generator capacity, so we're recommending hospitals transfer all high-risk patients out of state to avoid mass casualties.
This emergency update was brought to you by the all new bacon crammers from Burger Load.
Now you're crammed with knowledge! Crammed deep up in there! - Can't believe Brock's dead.
- Yeah.
But I've been around so much death, nothing's shocking.
You know, I've won this dress to 17 funerals? 17 funerals is too many funerals.
Well, there was my dad.
That was a heart attack.
And then my friend Amy.
Overdose.
But then the other 15 was when I was hired to be a mourner.
- That's a job? - Uh-huh.
It's so unpopular people don't seem like they died friendless.
And I was great at it.
I can start sobbing on demand.
- Really? - Yeah.
It's just a skill I've always had.
Don't know why.
Probably because of my deep well of sadness.
Hey, about the eggs.
I think we should tell Corby to pick them up before the contest ends so he can claim the prize money.
Feels like the right thing to do.
He lost his dad.
We both know how tough that is.
Yeah.
God.
Of course, my dad didn't steal someone else's bag of snake eggs before he died.
Neither did mine.
Seems like a relevant distinction.
- Very relevant.
- I mean, that was our dream.
And Brock took it from us.
We'll be We're giving Corby the eggs and that's that.
Guys, I feel like God sent us Brock to remind us that life is precious and to make as much content as you can while you can.
Yo, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little jealous though.
The kingdom sounds sick.
Hey.
We met at the DMV.
Matt, Brock's friend.
Yeah.
I remember you.
You were having an affair with his wife.
Yeah.
I don't know why it's necessary to be bringing up old shit at a funeral.
I'm just saying that's how I know you.
You were sleeping with his wife.
That's the only context I have to put you in.
Okay, cool.
So what? You just sit around talking about old shit all day? - You started talking to me.
- Okay Did I say anything to you? No.
I'm done now.
I'm done.
All right.
Well, good job, homewrecker.
- What the - Excuse me.
Hi.
I'd, uh I'd like to thank everyone for coming.
I know my dad was a lot.
A lot of anger, a lot of yelling, a lot of saying the word fuck or shit.
Or when he was really mad, he loved to call people dickless skunks.
He called you that.
But you know, there was a lot of good that came with my dad as well.
A lot of laughter, a lot of learning, and most importantly, there were always a lot of surprises! Oh! That's right, motherfuckers! You can't get rid of me that easy.
- Whoo! - Oh! - We did it again! - We prayed him back to life! Let's go! What is happening? Jesus! Brock is alive! He has risen! Thank you for coming.
Thank you.
Thanks for coming, man.
Whoa! Whoa.
Oh, bring it in.
You guys saved my life.
Oh.
That was crazy.
Are you all right? Fuck no.
No.
My eyeball got vaporized.
Just, pfft, yeah.
But that bullet gave me some other powers.
You know, I'm like a fucking superhero now.
What kind of powers? Do you have enhanced hearing? What? Fuck that shit.
I'm rich now, which is the greatest fucking superpower of all, you know what I'm saying? I made tens of thousands of dollars when I uploaded that video of me getting shot.
It's been viewed over 15 million times.
- Damn.
- Yeah.
I don't know.
People just love to see all that blood spraying out the back of my head I'm a worldwide sensation.
In fact, some chick in Indonesia, she DM'd me.
She asked me to get married.
- And what did you tell her? - I said, "Fuck no.
" You know, it's probably some dude living in his mom's basement in Toronto, jerking it to the idea of sticking his cock in my socket.
- Oh, God.
- And I told him that, you know, I'm already taken.
Got my little strawberry shortcake here.
American dream, guys.
American dream.
- Getting shot in the face.
- Getting shot in the face.
That's right.
I cracked the code.
Oh, hey, guess who was in the hospital when I woke up? The guys from Rawboned.
com.
I got a sponsor.
They're these pills you take to dehydrate yourself so you look hot for selfies.
Yeah.
In fact, the whole fake funeral was their idea.
Brock, we so stoked for this vid, baby.
It's gonna pull some huge numbers! That's what I'm talking about.
That's my guy.
That's my guy now.
Hey, since the snake hunt is ending in two days We wanted you to know the police have those python eggs for you.
Yeah, um, let me guess.
You want 'em for yourself.
Well, we actually came to make sure Corby got them - when we thought you were dead.
- Yeah.
But since you're not And since you're doing so well financially Hey, I blackmailed you for those eggs fair and square.
Okay? So I'ma drive down to the police station.
I'ma take 'em for myself.
But I can't drive because I have no depth perception.
So will you guys take me? Cheesy, beefy, caliente.
Cheesy, beefy, caliente.
If you want your python eggs, follow me.
Sorry about the chaos.
We're worried about flooding, so we gotta empty the evidence room, make sure nothing gets destroyed.
Your eggs though should be right Oh, shit.
He ate 'em.
Who the fuck is this? Pete the pig! You asshole.
Told you.
That little pig fuck! He ate all but six of them.
Maybe it's karma.
Maybe you shouldn't have tried to steal our prize money.
Hey, you know what? Fuck off, okay? I wasn't gonna actually keep the eggs from you.
I was gonna give 'em to you as a surprise on camera.
Check this out.
Hey, boys! Come out, come on.
This is my crew.
Viral philanthropy.
It's huge on YouTube.
You know, you give cash to strangers or Yeezys to teachers.
See the one with the homeless guy where they're giving him the Apple Watch? No.
He didn't actually want it.
Got pretty violent.
But look, the point is this.
This video was gonna be life-affirming as shit.
A creator finally makes it, giving back.
Yeah, fuck it.
Just 'cause I don't have the eggs doesn't mean I can't give you this.
That's $20,000.
- What? - Yeah.
From the Rawboned guys, for the funeral.
We were gonna get a fire rig for the casket to make it look like I was literally coming up from hell, but couldn't get it shipped out in time.
Wait.
Are you serious right now? This is fake, right? This is for a video.
Fuck no, it's not for a video.
Guys, last week, I I thought I was gonna die.
I mean, I was on that table.
All I could think about was my son, you know? And just how much I I didn't want Corby to grow up to be like me.
I've walked this Earth for 42 years.
I can't think of a single person whose life is better because they met me.
This is my chance to make that right.
I, uh I don't know what to say.
Thank you doesn't seem like enough.
Thank you is all I need.
Fucking love you, man.
Love you, brother.
Definitely gonna need to go again.
What? I said we're definitely gonna need to go again.
Guys, I want you to bring it in a little closer.
Okay? Get the intimacy here.
Okay, hey, I need the envelope back.
I thought you said this wasn't a video.
Of course it's for a video.
Okay? I mean, I meant everything I said, and of course you can keep the money, but I gotta do numbers on this one 'cause, you know, I'm losing a lot of cash.
And hey, not just a thank you.
You know, like, come on.
I need you, like, crazy and yelling, screaming.
You know, maybe somebody throws up.
I can start sobbing on demand.
- I can scream real loud.
- Let do it.
- Boom! - What? - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - This is crazy! - Oh, my God! - This is crazy! I don't know how to thank you enough! I wanna thank Rawboned.
com.
Thank you so much.
- Oh! - Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Holy shit! - Craig! - Jillian! The bank.
We gotta go to the bank right now.
I think they might have closed early because of the storm.
I will deposit this in the ATM 120 at a time if I have to.
Come on, come on, come on.
Hey.
I know this isn't happening 'cause of Brock or Condom Carl or Rawboned.
com or any of that.
This is happening 'cause of you, Jillian Glopp.
You found the eggs.
You You saved me.
We should deposit this in your account.
You should have control over it.
Cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it should probably go in your account since I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to partner with you on the farm.
What? What you talking about? I might lose my green card and get deported in a couple weeks.
Jillian? It's because I stole Silas' pill bottle, which was a drug-related offense.
Do you have a lawyer? What's your lawyer say? Yep.
She says she can take care of this no problem.
Okay, great.
That's great.
Very great.
Except I can't afford her.
But don't worry.
I'm gonna represent myself.
To prepare, I've been watching a lot of that show "Suits" through the window of a house I park my car in front of.
I can't hear the dialogue, but I've picked up some very powerful hand gestures.
I am pointing.
I am pointing.
Now I am crossing my arms.
Jesus.
Why didn't you tell me? You've been busy.
And I don't know.
Maybe I'll be happier.
I mean, I live in a billboard.
How much worse can my life get? At least in Australia, they have free health care.
But you wanna stay, right? I mean, it was my father's dream to make it in America.
And being here and trying to follow in his footsteps, it's really the only thing that lets me still feel connected to him, or connected to anything.
Without that, I really think I'd just be floating in space.
Damn.
No.
Yeah.
This is more important.
- I can't.
- Yes, you can, Jillian.
Okay? It's yours.
Take it, pay the lawyer, and come to Camille's after.
I'm not letting you ride out a hurricane in a billboard.
You okay? What are you doing? I'm trying to give you a hug, but the seatbelt's locked up.
It'll release in a second.
You know, you can just unbuckle it.
Oh, right.
Man, that shit is foolish.
She's a friend, plus it's her money, Zay.
I mean, dude handed the envelope to you.
That's your problem.
You're always trying to look out for everybody else.
You know, what you even doing here helping me put up plywood, anyway? You called and asked me to come.
Yeah, well, it's fucked up that you said yes.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I love that your dumb ass is the way it is.
But ain't nothing in this for you.
You know I ordered delivery and didn't even ask you if you wanted anything? - What kind of delivery? - Islas Canarias.
What? While you was working, I got croquetas.
- Damn! - Mm-hmm.
Doing the right thing is never a mistake.
- I believe in karma.
- Karma.
All I know is the one time I was gonna break the rules, the one time, the fucking putt putt immediately went up in flames.
Lake on fire and everything.
Bible shit.
So if that's not the universe sending me a message, what is it? Just a random fucking event, Craig.
I mean, thousands of folks gonna lose they homes in this hurricane.
You think they did anything to deserve this shit? - No.
- What about every other person who entered the python challenge and didn't win? - Are they bad people? - No.
What about Nemo's mom in "Finding Nemo"? You think she got what was coming to her? We don't know what Nemo's mom did before the movie started.
We don't know how she was.
If that's what you got to tell yourself.
Nemo's mom was a computer fish.
What are we even talking about? Why you think the pythons take over, hm? It's because they they're good, or it's God's will, or it's because they big and they mean, and they don't give a fuck about anyone else? I think there are complex biological factors at play It's because they don't give a fuck about anyone.
That's who wins.
That's how the world works.
That's not how the world works.
The world is not all snakes.
Yes.
Yes, it is.
Ain't nothing but snakes all the way down.
Or maybe that's just something you made up so you can have an excuse to act like a selfish asshole.
At the end of the day, I have Nessa.
I have Camille.
I have Jillian.
None of them are snakes, by the way.
But who do you have? Let's play a little game.
Who does Isaiah have on his squad? Uh, Dame? Rodney Lamonca? You have nobody.
You all alone out here, Isaiah.
So please don't tell me about your grand theory of how the world works because Camille's moving, you know.
To Oakland.
What? She's taking Vanessa.
No, she's not.
That's bullshit.
She texted me because my boy Drew ships cars all across the country and she wanted his number.
I promised her that I wouldn't say anything to you, but then it really helped me win this argument.
What the fuck? I don't understand what's happening.
We already went through this two weeks ago, with dumbfuck Marco and dumbfuck Columbus, Ohio.
Remember? You chose me over him.
So you want to move to California? You wanna take my daughter 14,000 miles away from me? Or a thousand miles, or I don't know the distance.
How far is Oakland? A good life involves her dad.
I can help you.
That's not true.
Yes, there is.
I almost had it today.
I promise you.
I can do this.
I can fucking do this! Dad? It's okay, baby.
It's just the power.
I gave the money to the lawyer.
They were closed, but they sent someone through the storm to take my deposit.
Lawyers love money.
"Suits" was right.
Yeah, okay.
Good.
Are you okay? I'm fine.
Can I borrow your car? Right now? Why? 'Cause.
I'm going snake hunting.
I mean, you said that very dramatically, and it was definitely cool, but there's a hurricane right now.
I really don't think you should be going out there.
Craig! If you're going, I'm going.
It's okay.
You don't have to.
Craig, we're partners.
Now, as someone who's often winging it, I find the lack of forethought here exhilarating.
But also, what is the plan? We're at fifth place, 25 feet of snake out of first.
The six eggs from the grack sack gets us 12, so we just need to find a 13 footer before the contest ends.
Right.
That makes sense.
Smart.
The only tiny little problem I see is the life-threatening winds and rain.
It's actually great because it means nobody else will be out hunting in this weather.
Right.
Totally.
This is great.
- Craig, slow down! - Oh, it's fuckin' Look out! The billboard keeps catching the wind.
It's gonna pull us off the road.
I mean, I guess we could always just turn around and go home.
We're not turning around! This is gonna work out.
The universe will provide.
I promise.
Fuck it.
I'm going out there.
Oh, my God! This is crazy! It's pitch black! We're never gonna find anything out here! We'll find something, Jillian! We have to! I can't see anything! Can you see anything? It's so fucking dark, Craig! Well, we gave it a go, and that's what matters! We can probably go home now! Oh, my God! There's nothing out here! Craig, I wanna believe in you, but I don't think the universe is gonna send us a Oh, shit.
Is that the snake that ate Noah? Yep, that's him.
What you think? 16 footer? You don't have to do this.
What about Isaiah? Nothing but snakes, all the way down.
What is this? That, my friend, is $20,000.
Zay, it's me.
Listen.
You gonna want to run.