Life with Boys (2011) s01e10 Episode Script

All right, listen up, men! Ahem! And, uh not men.
Ahem! But totally equal to and sometimes better than Ahem! But not always Look, can I get to my point? Football's crown jewel! Hockey's highest honour! Soccer's ultimate prize! What do these magnificent symbols of victory all have in common? Our team will never win any of them! You're losing 'em! But there is one trophy that we can win.
Nay, we will win! "Nay"? Shut it.
The Silver Moose! Every year for the past ten, our biggest match of the season has been against Pineview.
And every year, we've lost.
Today, I will win we! We will win the Silver Moose! And today, Coach Luther will be the one hiding in a bathroom stall, constantly flushing the toilet so that no one can hear his sobbing.
Something you would never do.
Something I would never do! Now, Wolfpack, are you ready to dominate Pineview? Yeah! Are we gonna crush Pineview? Yeah! Are we gonna bring home the Silver Moose? Yeah! You hear that, team? That's not only the howl of a storm brewing, that's the howl of the Wolfpack! Come on, Andy, you can get out of this.
Come on, Andy.
Come on, Andy, Andy! Winner of the match! That's Pineview two, Westfield two.
The 104 and unders are up.
Next match wins.
Okay, okay It's all up to you to bring home the Silver Moose.
No worries, Dad.
I can do this.
Don't worry, 'cause you can do this.
I just said that.
Said what? Hey, Jackie-boy, two-to-two.
Nail bitin' time, huh? Getting nervous, Luther? Please, I only came over 'cause I thought you might want to say a quick hello and goodbye to this before you head off to the bathroom for your annual "flush and cry".
Allergies! I had allergies! Sure you did.
Not so fast, Luther! Let me get down to your level.
There's no way you're gonna beat my best wrestler Best wrestler! My ace in the hole Ace in the hole! Wow, you are a little spitfire.
And I've heard a lot about you.
Word is the only kid who'd even have a chance to beat you is three-time city champ Bobby "The Python" Parelli.
Too bad he wrestles for Lakeview Prep.
Yeah.
I think you mean "wrestled".
Say hello to my transfer student.
Oh, Bobby? Feels like I'm caught in the middle Drama comes with every new day So far to fall Walking the tightrope But I wouldn't have it any other way We're gonna put one foot in front of the other Get tripped up and step on one another We move ahead and try to keep it on track 'Cause we know we got each other's back Don't need to fight it No need to deny It's a crazy life, a random life A wonderful life Let's do this! He's got the Python.
Way to go, Silver Moose winners! We didn't win.
And the shame continues, Silver Moose losers! We didn't lose, either.
We were tied when the power went out, so we have to finish tomorrow.
Guys, can we have a minute? But there's cupcakes.
Oh, let me rephrase that.
Get out.
But there's cupcakes.
But I wanted the chocolate Going.
Who's the one who came up with the cupcake idea? Me.
What do I get? Banana nut.
I hate banana nut.
Sam! Going.
Listen, sweetie, you don't have to do this if you don't want to.
I can pick up the phone right now Forfeit? No.
Dad, I've been thinking about this the whole way home.
You taught me never to be a quitter.
I said "spitter".
Dad.
Okay, I know.
It's just, this is different.
You can get hurt.
It's an eighth-grade wrestling match.
What's the worst that can happen? He pins me in five seconds? Yeah, probably.
This is where you're supposed to say, "No, Tessie, I believe in you, and if anybody's getting pinned in five seconds, it's him!" Well Winner of the "Father of the Year" award? Not you.
Come on, I made a commitment to the team.
I made a commitment to you, and you taught me to honour my commitments.
Are you sure that wasn't your Girl Guide Troop? Ugh! No, really, there was a ceremony.
There was candles, there was singing, there was "Honour Your Commitment" merit badges.
Remember? Kumbaya, my Lord Kumbaya Kumbaya, my Lord Look, Dad, I know you're worried about me, and maybe you don't think I can win.
But I can do this.
I can beat Bobby Parelli, but I need you to believe in me.
So, when we win the moose, I'm thinking it should go in your bedroom.
Thanks, Dad.
But I really think the moose should go in your office.
Oh, good.
'Cause the minute I said that, I wanted to take it back.
Mmm! Stupid banana nut.
Hey, I was eating that! Sorry.
I thought you didn't want it.
You disgust me.
Enough said.
Hey, who wants to keep me company at the grocery store? I'll go! I could, uh, really use a little one-on-one time with my dad.
No, you can't borrow my new FusionPlex sunglasses so you can look cool at your party tonight.
I wasn't gonna ask to borrow your lame sunglasses and why not? They look so good on me! See? Shame it's not gonna happen.
Five bucks says Gabe still gets the glasses.
Gotta go with the old man on this one.
Come on, what're you afraid of? Do you remember what happened when you asked to borrow my new phone? Sorry, Dad.
Or when you asked to borrow my new mp3 player? Sorry, Dad.
Or my new mountain bike? Sorry, Dad.
So, what are you trying to say? Uh, I'm trying to say "no'.
Maybe if I said it a little longer and added a little dance.
No-o-o-o-o! Hey Dad, I'm gonna go do my pre-match workout.
Thanks again for believing in me.
You got it.
So you'll believe in Tess, but you won't believe in me? Your first born.
Your eldest son! Gabe.
That's right, Gabe.
Short for Gabriel.
Which, if memory serves, is your father's name.
A father who believed in his son, no matter what mistakes he may have made in those trying formative years that we call teenage er ism.
Well, maybe we should get Grandpa on the phone for his perspective on this.
Put it down.
You promise you'll be careful? Like they were my own.
I can't believe you played the Grandpa card.
And that's what happens when you back me into a corner.
And nobody puts Gabey in the corner.
Think you can take me, Bobby? I'm taking you downtown! Think you can pin me? I'm gonna pin you up against the wall! 'Cause that baby's gone! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! You know, Allie, statistics show you have a much better chance of hitting the ball when you open your eyes! Ugh! How are you so good? Simple.
I visualize my opponent's face on the ball and ugh! Picture someone trying to sell you a knock-off purse.
Get that Louis Vuitton wannabe out of my face! Wow, that was one of the most exciting things I've ever done in my life! Oh! Now my hands smell like a sweaty baseball bat.
Time to go.
No.
I'm not ready to leave yet.
Oh, come on! What am I possibly gonna find to do in this place while you Hey, batter batter! Take all the time you need.
Bye! You're a peach.
Ugh! Come on, Parelli, show me your best move.
Boom! There's mine.
Bye, bye, Bobby! Ouch, that hurt.
Ugh! What are you doing here, Parelli? Same thing as you.
Who da man, Foster? Oh that's right, I am, 'cause you're a girl.
Bam! Ouch, that hurt.
Ugh! I already said that.
Well, I was here first! Big whoop.
Not as big as the whoopin' you're gonna get tomorrow.
I'm gonna beat you tomorrow almost as easy as I'm gonna beat you tonight.
Ugh! First one to miss loses.
You are so on.
Argh! And Parelli chokes! No.
Foster, yeah! Not fair, sweat got in my eye.
That's not sweat.
That was tears of shame, 'cause you just got beat by a girl! Same girl who's gonna beat you tomorrow.
Oh yeah? Yeah! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go and get some rest so I can look my best when I put you to rest! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh no, oh no, oh no! I hate batting cage cramp.
Every cell in my body hurts.
Are you going to be okay? Ow! I have to be okay.
I promised my Dad I'd get him that trophy eee! Oh, oh! Now, help me up the stairs before he sees.
How are you gonna wrestle like this? A couple Aspirin, a good night's sleep, I'll be fine by tomorrow oh! Ah ahhhh!!! Okay.
Be positive.
They're in there.
This time your boy came through.
This time Gabe! Where are my sunglasses?! Five bucks says he lost 'em.
I'll take that action.
It's all good.
I put 'em back in the case.
This case? I, uh No, wait.
I was gonna put 'em back in the case, but then, uh You lost my sunglasses? No, I I had 'em here.
But then I I got hungry, so I went to the refrigerator and I got a pizza! So, I took it to the oven and I turned it on, and I opened the door, and And then I thought to myself that I don't tell you I love you enough.
I love you, Dad.
Move away from the oven.
You know, possessions may come and go, but a son's love is forever.
You melted my sunglasses?! Melted isn't lost.
How do they look? Do I look hot? Do I look sexy? Remember that book you read, Raising A Child With Love And Laughter? Yeah, I much prefer my new book, Military School: When You Give Up, Give 'Em To Us.
Dad, I have to forfeit.
Ow, ow.
Sorry, Dad! Dad, I'm sorry, but I have to forfeit.
Ow, ow! Dad, it was an accident.
It's always an accident! You never mean it! It's never your fault.
Dad, I have to tell you something about the match.
I'm sorry, honey, we're in the middle of something.
Why can't you think before you do stuff? I mean, your sister would never do something this careless.
Why? Because when she makes a commitment, she takes it seriously.
>She has a huge match today.
Do you think she did anything last night that would jeopardize her chances of bringing me home that moose? Of course not! Because she thinks! She doesn't do bone-headed stuff when people are counting on her! You couldn't be any madder at me now, could you? No! Well, then this is probably a good time for me to tell you about your new electric razor.
Look, Dad, it's not as stupid as it sounds.
I was standing in front of the toilet shaving with one hand while I was I get the picture.
Buenos dias.
Just returning some stuff I borrowed, heh, heh! Guten tag.
Anyways, a spider fell on my back and I had to make a split-second decision.
Oh, come on, you would've done the same thing! What happened to the whole "unconditional love" thing, huh? Allie, when I asked you to bring over ice, I meant ice made out of water, not food.
My parents used up all the ice for a party last night.
It was the best I could do.
Perfect.
Put me in a microwave for an hour and I could serve f-f-f-forty.
Honey, can I come in? Uh, in a minute! Allie, covers.
Allie, head! Sorry.
There we go, all right.
Okay, Dad! Honey, why are you back in bed? Uh, just conserving energy for the match.
You know, responsible, like you said I-I-I am! You're shivering.
With anticipation, of how I'm gonna bring that m-m-moose home for you.
Bye now.
Tess, what's going on? Stop that! Okay, I'm confused.
Okay, Walter's been sneaking frozen food.
I was going to tell you, but I gave him my word.
Mr.
Foster, I am as shocked as you are.
I'm sensing another family moment.
Bye! Well? I'll explain everything.
But first, let me get these frozen buns off my frozen buns.
Ahh, nothing like a nice, relaxing cup of tea.
Thanks, Dad.
It's for me.
Between you and your brother, this has not been an easy morning.
Electric blanket helping? Yeah.
Why didn't you just tell me? Ow.
I was gonna, but then I heard you telling Gabe how responsible and wonderful I am, and I couldn't.
'Cause if I told you why I couldn't wrestle, you would think I was as bone-headed as him.
Honey, you'll never be as bone-headed as Gabe.
He's a professional.
But sometimes I'm gonna mess up, too.
And I need to know that you're gonna be okay with that.
Of course I'm okay with that.
It's not like I expect you to be perfect.
Sometimes it feels like you do.
Honey, I'm sorry.
I don't mean to put that kind of pressure on you.
It's just, compared to the boys, you are perfect.
But if it makes you happy, I promise to not think so highly of you.
Well, thank you.
I guess.
Look, the truth is, I don't care about that wrestling match.
So you forfeit.
So I lose the moose.
Again.
Dad? Sorry, momentary lapse.
Look, nothing's as important as my kids.
And you should know you can always come to me anytime and tell me anything, and I'll understand.
You just got my "Father of the Year" vote back.
Yes! Gently.
Ahh! Daddy, can I ask you for one favour before I go and forfeit? Sure, honey, what is it? Can you do it? Sure I can do it.
Why would I let my kid own up to her mistakes so she can grow and mature as a human being? Only a responsible father would do that, and I'm sure not one of those.
No, I'm a useless, incompetent All right, all right, I'm going.
Sheesh.
What's the matter, Parelli? A little sore from the batting cage? Not even, Foster.
What about you? Feel great! Me, too.
I'll forfeit if you do.