Mad Love s01e10 Episode Script

When you start dating someone new, the temptation is to act like someone you're not.
- What a fun elevator ride.
- I know.
I wish you worked on a higher floor.
I don't feel like going back to work.
For instance, Ben is not a guy who skips work.
Ever.
Wait.
When I was a kid, you know what I used to do on ditch days? Chores? Sorry, I grew up on a farm.
I used to go to Coney island.
Ever been? Never.
Are you offering? Are Nathan's famous hot dogs famous? I don't see why the man would lie.
Let's do it.
Let's just go.
So you just blew off the rest of the day and went to Coney island? I love islands.
It was really fun.
Until I threw up all over Ben.
By the way, if you're wondering how many hot dogs you can eat before you ride the scrambler, the answer is not three.
Has anyone seen my black folder? Seriously, you're using my book proposal as a place mat? Relax, the editor is gonna love you.
I really want you to sell this book.
But I don't want to have to interview a new nanny, because then you have this strange person in your house with weird hair and bad clothes.
I thought you said I was the only nanny you interviewed.
Did I? I just don't want Ben to think that I'm a drag.
Oh, good, we're back on your thing.
I mean, I'm the fun one.
I'm the one who makes people barf.
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
I am so excited about your meeting.
I'll tell you what, tonight when you're done, we'll go get a drink to celebrate.
Great, but right now I need to split a cab, 'cause the publisher's in your building.
Why don't we just take my car? Because you are staying here and taking care of your kids, remember? No, that doesn't ring a bell.
Tiffany, come on.
This is a really important day.
And I really need to concentrate.
I'll stay at reception.
You won't even know we're there.
Unless there's a poopy diaper.
Keep your phone on.
Esteemed colleagues, distinguished guests, fellow members of the Manhattan attorney's association or as I like to call it MAA.
What draws us to the law? Well, I think it comes from a sense of duty.
Duty, ha! Larry, how is that still funny? Okay, maybe it's a little funny.
All right, come on, come on.
This is a big deal, all right? The firm picks one associate each year to speak about pro-bono work.
And this year, they picked me.
Yeah, I don't know what you're worried about, man.
You're going on after Waterman.
Anybody will look good after Waterman.
Hey, Waterman.
I can't wait for that speech tonight, man.
Thanks, I'll be speaking about the Oh, no, no.
Shh, don't you dare spoil it.
Anyway, I'm not worried.
I think my speech is good.
Oh, you gonna use my pro-boner joke? UmI'm just worried it's too funny.
Oh, okay, so no jokes whatsoever? Look, just be at the Emory hotel at 5:00, and prepare to have your mind blown.
Hello? There is a woman downstairs, wondering if she could steal you away for a secret, spontaneous surprise? I'm the woman.
It's Kate.
KateKate.
I'mPhew! I'm sorry, I'm drawing a blank.
I know you've got your big speech later.
But this will just take an hour.
It might relax you.
What is it, noon? Sure.
I could definitely spare an hour.
Skipping out for a little while on a light day was one thing, but Ben agreeing to go anywhere five hours before the biggest speech of his life Unheard of.
Now, the problem with acting like someone you're not is eventually it will blow up in your face.
Oh, my God! What the hell happened to you? It's kind of a long story.
Ka-boom! My love is volatile, chemical anything but typical I want you badly I love you madly "Mad Love: S01E10" "The Young and the Reckless" Original air date 25 April, 2011 So Ben showed up with 15 minutes until the biggest speech of his career.
So this was Kate's surprise? She beat you up and took your pants? - The suit? - Yeah, yeah, it's all in there.
Okay, it's not a peep show buddy, keep it movin'.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Come back here, I need you.
Thank you.
Hi.
You know what, let's take this to the men's room.
You can tell me what happened.
You know, I don't really feel like talking about it, Larry.
You have to ask Kate.
Now it so happened that at the very same moment, Kate was having the very same conversation.
I really don't feel like talking about it, okay, Connie? If you don't feel like talking then let me tell you what happened to me today.
All I wanted to do was take him on the Staten island ferry.
Which was fine.
When they got to Staten island, Ben had over four hours until his speech.
I never realized the Statue of Liberty had such a good body.
Well, now we have kissed in two boroughs.
Should we head to the Bronx? Actually, there's this place down the street that has, like, the best pizza.
Unless you have to get back for your speech? UhNo! No, I think I have a little more time.
What the hell, let's grab a slice.
- Great.
- Who are you? Hoppin' on ferries to Staten island in the middle of the work day? First of all, I do stuff like that all the time.
You never do.
Go on.
And second, yesterday, Kate was so excited to find out that I was as spontaneous as she is, that maybe I didn't want to disappoint her.
That is a slippery slope, my friend.
You start letting women drag you around like that, pretty soon they think you're one of those guys that "does stuff," and "goes to things.
" And another piece of the "Larry is single" puzzle slides into place.
That's funny, actually, you should mention my being single.
Because my dream relationship took a huge step forward today.
- Oh, God.
- Not with her.
Ugh.
I hoped I wasn't gonna run into you, but I guess if we're in the same zip code it's unavoidable.
Oh, the babies are a nice touch.
Hide your cheerios.
Ha-ha, if you're looking for Kate, she's with Ben.
I'm not looking for Kate.
I have a nothing.
Oh, you've got a nothing? I thought you usually reserved your nothings for Saturday nights.
Not that it's any of your business, but I actually have a meeting at a publishing house about writing a children's book.
You're writing a children's book? That's hilarious.
You know, because you're so unpleasant.
Ah, here's Tiffany now.
Oh, hi, Larry.
Hi, Tiff.
I told the cop we'd only be parked there a while.
It was weird after you left, he was so much nicer.
So Larry, are you coming with us? I don't know.
Are you inviting me? Are you good with kids? - Are the wiggles kinda creepy? - Yes.
I'm sure Larry has better things to do than to hang out with a happily married mother of two children who I work for? Nope.
Nope, I'm in.
And also, I believe it's "whom.
" But you're the writer, so Après you.
You should have seen me, man.
I was on fire.
You should have seen him.
He was revolting.
Oh, come on.
Larry just likes to flirt.
I'm sure he doesn't think anything is gonna happen with Tiffany.
I might just marry this woman.
I think she's already married.
So was I, once.
No, you weren't.
But I tell women that sometimes.
Makes them think I can commit.
And another piece of the puzzle.
I've got a whole corner now.
That is a whole pile of judgment coming from the guy who lost his pants at the pizza place.
I didn't lose them at the pizza place.
Well, I think we've shown Staten island who's boss.
Should we be heading back? Yes, your speech.
Oh, my God.
Kate, we've talked about this.
You can't save every cat.
No, there's a carnival up the street, and they have a scrambler.
Oh, hee.
I don't know, Kate.
Scrambling, not a good color on you.
Oh, come on.
That was a one-time thing.
And we have a 1/2 hour to kill.
Please let me make up for yesterday.
Unless You're afraid.
This is you being spontaneous again, right? Yeah, so? So you're not spontaneous, Ben.
You think dancing is presumptuous.
It just feels rude to me.
You know, I really wish you'd brought my suit, Larry.
Why, you don't like the color? Meanwhile, I had gone to Connie's book meeting in pursuit of my one true love.
Not her! So she kisses the lion and he turns into a prince? No, it's not a lion.
It's a Griffin.
And it's not a prince, it's a pauper.
Okay, I literally have no idea what you're saying to me right now.
A Griffin, a pauper? I don't have to explain this to you, Larry.
This is a book for actual children.
It has a good message and a brave heroine.
Yawn.
Uh, you know what it doesn't have is a cool villain.
Every good story starts with a bad guy.
Captain hook.
Darth Vader.
Lago.
The parrot from Aladdin.
Well, thank you for your advice, Larry.
When I write a book about the boy who smelled like nachos, I'll be sure to consult you.
Ms.
Grabowski? Are you ready? More than ready.
But the truth is, he'd rattled me.
I was sweating.
I was feeling nauseous.
Well, if it makes you feel any better, you weren't the only one.
Oh, no.
Kate, seriously? Stupid scrambler.
I can't believe that I threw up on you again.
It's fine, I think the kids behind us really got the worst of it.
Anyway, I have plenty of time to go home and change before my speech.
I'll just, uh, I'll clean up and we'll get on the ferry.
Thank you so much for being so sweet about this.
I would kiss you, but, um Yeah.
What the hell? Uh, Ben, I Think you forgot something.
Yup, they got everything.
Wallet, credit card, money, phone.
It's okay.
How's the suit? Let me see.
It's roomy, Larry.
It's very roomy.
Hmm, well, like you keep saying you are a spontaneous guy, so just make it work.
You know what? That is exactly what I'm gonna do.
I am just gonna fly by the seat of your giant Larry pants.
I am up in two minutes.
Uh, give me my index cards.
Oh, I was supposed to bring your speech.
I am dead.
So, feeling partially responsible for what was about to be a giant step backwards in Ben's career, I did what friends do.
I bribed somebody.
I got good news and I got bad news.
The good news is, I bought you another 20 minutes, all right? But the bad news is, you're going on after Cohen.
I'm sorry.
I couldn't hear.
I'm going on after who? You're going on after Cohen.
Cohen? I'm going on after I can't go on after Cohen! Cohen is the closer! Judge banks threw her bra at him last year.
It's the best I can do.
What do you want from me, Ben? How about my suit and my speech? All right, all right.
Just calm down, calm down.
Maybe we have time to go back to the office and get the cards.
It'll take 20 minutes just to get there.
20 minutes? In rush hour? You're dreamin', man.
Maybe with a helicopter.
This is not helping you.
I hey, how about that what's that hot paralegal's name? Cheryl, call her.
Cheryl's here.
Everybody's here.
Wait, wait, Connie said she was meeting Kate at the bar tonight, that's right by work.
Just call Kate.
I, um, Kate and I aren't exactly on the best terms right now.
- Anything? - No.
I couldn't find the guy who took my pants.
- But I did find a cop.
- Oh, good.
Who ticketed me for not wearing any pants.
Well, if it's any consolation, I like your underwear.
Heh.
And that creepy guy seems to like them too.
Maybe you should just put your coat on where your pants would go.
Oh, man.
I have got to get back.
Please tell me that's the all-aboard horn.
That's the all-aboard horn.
Damn it.
Oh, great.
Great, the next ferry isn't for a 1/2 hour.
Oh, no, your speech.
Oh, now you're worried about my speech? What's that supposed to mean? It means that when you asked if you could steal me away for an hour, I thought you meant an hour.
Hold on, are you blaming me for this? I don't know, Kate.
But you know what's almost as fun as a special secret surprise? Eating lunch at the Deli a 1/2 block from our office.
They have Cole slaw, and you get to keep your pants.
Can you believe him? Why are you looking at your beer? You're on his side? Well, you did drag him out of his office.
He came by choice.
And you took him all the way to Staten island? He wanted to go.
Look, Kate, all I'm saying is he should have said no, you're right.
But when two people like each other, they just wanna make the other one happy.
Hello? Listen, Kate, I know that you and Ben are in a fight right now, and you're probably gonna say no, but he left his speech on his desk.
So if you guys could go across the street and grab it, it would be a huge favor to him.
I'm in.
We have to go to Ben's office right now.
I don't know if I can show my face in that building after my meeting today.
Was it really that bad? Do you remember the 60 minutes story about the illegal puppy farms? Yeah, that's the face the editor made.
Mm-hmm.
You know, we actually have a couple of Griffin projects that are moving forward.
- Really? - No.
Nobody knows what a Griffin is.
Well, it doesn't have to be a Griffin.
I don't know, there's something missing.
Well, maybe that's Maybe that's because I didn't tell you about the villain yet.
There's this big, hairy, stinky, nasty ogre named Barry.
He thinks every woman is in love with him.
He talks with his mouth full, and he drips crumbs on his beard.
And drives the heroine crazy because everyone likes him, but really he is a monster! - Thanks, Larry.
- Oh, so it went well.
Hmm.
Oh, what? All I did was offer a little constructive criticism and help out your boss in her hour of need.
- You were a big help.
- I was a big help.
Well, can I give you some constructive criticism? You're Dumb face! Oh, Connie, come on.
You're better than that.
So with Ben's speech in hand, Kate liked her chances of saving the day.
I think we're gonna make it.
I can't believe Larry, following Tiffany around all day.
Flirting and making jokes, it was sickening.
Ugh.
Why aren't you making eye contact with me? Kate! Okay, fine.
It's just, Larry's not an idiot, okay? I mean, he knows that Tiffany is married.
What are you saying? Maybe she wasn't the only reason that he was there.
Ugh.
I am so close to punching you in the face right now.
Oh, hello.
This is a coincidence.
I was just talking about you.
Oh, come on.
Where are they? Cohen is crushing it! Oh, my God.
He's doing a handstand.
Oh, my God.
Hey, hey, listen.
Hey, man.
It's gonna be all right, it's gonna be all right, man.
No, it's not, man.
Because I don't remember my speech.
Which is why I wrote it down on cards.
I am really sorry, okay? But if it helps, I actually remember part of it.
Don'tDon't.
Larry, stop it.
Duty.
Larry, it is not funny anymore.
Okay, maybe it is a little funny.
You know what, I'm not even mad about the speech.
I'm mad at myself.
I should have handled things better with Kate.
Oh, my God, here comes Cohen.
How do I look? How do I look? Damn traffic.
We're not gonna make it.
Can we just take a second to talk about how exciting that was with Dolores? Still on your thing.
So they did not make it, and now Ben was up there with nothing.
Traditionally, Ben doesn't do great with nothing.
What is law? It's a good question.
Law is patient.
Law is kind.
Law is never judgmental.
Never.
Actually, I guess law is always it's always judgmental.
And that's when Kate arrived to save the day.
But the funny thing was, after everything Ben had been through in the last few hours, he suddenly realized he could save it himself.
We think of law as a bunch of dusty books on the shelf.
But the law is not rigid.
It evolves, and it adapts.
And a good lawyer needs to be just as flexible.
I guess what I'm saying is, 20 minutes ago, I wasn't wearing any pants.
You see Sometimes, even though you get a little lost, a little turned around, a little vomited on Acting like someone you're not is exactly what it takes to realize you're capable of more than you ever knew.
Oh, boy.
Somebody crushed it.
That was awesome, man.
It, uh, it did feel good.
Was I better than Cohen? Just take it easy.
And Connie has something to celebrate too.
Uh, I don't know if I have anything to celebrate.
The editor just wants me to come back in and talk more about one of my characters.
- The Griffin? - No.
Just a villain character I came up with right there on the spot.
Sounds like I was a little helpful after all.
Actually, Larry, you were.
Thank you.
Was that a thank you? No.
Oh, no, no, no.
No thank you necessary, that's okay.
A simple mention in the acknowledgements will more than suffice.
Just say that you couldn't have done it without Lawrence Ebenezer Munsch.
Whoa, you are joking right now.
Do I look like I'm joking? You know, today got me thinking.
You know what I'd like to do this weekend? Name it.
I am up for anything.
Base jumping, paragliding, armed robbery.
Actually, um, I was kinda thinking I think I could handle that.
That's a lot of shaky camera in this movie.
Oh, no.
Scrambler face.