Malibu Country (2012) s01e10 Episode Script

Sourced by: Deafdude Oh, come on, run, Pixie Pants.
Get off the rail.
Get off the rail.
Mama, my mornings were so much more relaxin' before you started bettin' on the horses.
Mine, too.
Oh, come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Oh hellfire.
I thought you said you had a system.
I do.
I bet on a horse, and I just hope to hell it wins.
Mom.
Mom, I've been thinking, and I'm super excited.
I've finally decided what I'm gonna do with my life.
But I need your help.
Sure, honey.
Anything I can do to help you.
I want to get an agent for my career.
- You have a career? - Yeah.
My singing career.
You keep telling me I'm a great singer.
I just thought, "why don't I go for it?" I don't wanna wait till I'm old like Taylor Swift.
Honey, what I said is, you have the potential to be a great singer.
Kind of like your grandmother has the potential to beat me at boggle.
I'd win if your mother wasn't such a Nazi with the dictionary.
Mom, there's no such word as "zarp.
" Oh, yes, there is.
"Mr.
Jones has a yellow zarp.
" Just because you can use it in a sentence, that don't mean nothin'.
Okay, here's the thing A lot of people try to get agents all the time.
It's hard.
But look, when you get serious about your singing, come let me know.
Fine.
Then how about we skip the agent, and you bring me down to the record label and introduce me to Mr.
Bata? Okay.
So you can't get an agent, but you want to go have a meeting with the head of the record label? Yeah.
Then he can record my first single, and it'll be easy for me to get an agent.
Problem solved.
Honey, I've never even met Mr.
Bata.
I've tried hundreds of times.
It's impossible to get a meeting with that man.
Have you tried making him cookies? Actually, I have.
Oh.
I was kidding.
Okay.
All right, look.
Here's the thing If you're really serious about your singing, you have to do a lot more than just talk about it.
It's all about singing lessons and practicing, and it's a lot of hard work.
All right, fine.
I'll do the hard work.
But don't expect me to thank you at the Grammys.
Oh, but you could thank your Grammy at the Grammys.
It only makes sense! Good morning, ladies.
All right, Lilly Mae, you ready for our power walk? No, not yet.
One more race.
One more race, Kim.
I'm down 75 bucks, and I want to go out a winner.
Ooh.
Are you betting on horses? That's so cool.
I have always wanted to try that.
Well, it is really a rush.
And you can make money.
Oh, my God, I never make money.
But you're already rich.
No, but see, that's Leslie's money, and the credit card companies started calling.
See, the fraud department didn't think it was possible for one person to spend that much money in one single day.
Butlet me tell you, Reba, not only is it possible, but it is a blast! Well, did Leslie cut you off? No, but he's just questioning everything I buy now like I'm some sort of child, and I'm just like I don't like it.
Well, whose money you gonna use? Leslie's.
Good enough.
It's all zarp to me.
Still not a word.
Okay, now look here Yeah.
The horses are in the paddock so that we can check 'em out before the race.
Oh, they are beautiful.
Funny, they don't look so big without those tiny men on top of them.
Hey.
What are you guys lookin' at? Oh.
(Hums "first call" trumpet fanfare) All right, now cut that out.
I'm trying to concentrate.
I have a really good feeling about this horse, Whiskey Kitten.
Yeah, but but, grandma, look at the sweat spots.
See there, by his kidneys? That horse either isn't feeling well, or it's already exerted too much of its energy.
Regardless, it's very likely that it now has an electrolyte imbalance, which which could very well lead to premature muscle fatigue, reduce stamina, or muscle cramps during the race.
Well Wow.
How do you know all that? Oh, I used to work with horses all the time back in Nashville.
Like, uh, you see that one right there? Number 8, Prince of Rides? See how he's just kinda, like, standin' there like a lump? Oh, yeah.
Not for me, no way.
Lame-o.
No, that's That's the one you want.
See, he's savin' his energy for the race and lettin' the other ones jump around the paddock and use it all up.
Oh.
That's what I think, anyway.
"Prince of Rides" It's interesting What he says.
I'm game.
Let's do it.
Prince of Rides.
Ha ha.
Come on, buddy, break a leg! Oh! We're gonna have to work on your horse racing lingo.
Okay, sorry.
Sorry.
Walkin' with my head high soakin' up the sunshine la-la-la-la-la, life is sweet Come on, Queen's Bum.
Move your bloomin' arse! Okay.
He's got it.
He's got it.
He's got it! Yes! Yeah! Oh, Cash, you are a genius.
I mean, I have been making money all day.
I really feel like I should give you something.
You know what? Um Here.
Take this.
Makeup? Yeah, well, there's a $100 bill under the mirror, and, uh that's just a taste.
Hey, come on, Cash, let's go.
Who do you like in the fifth? Oh, right, right, right.
Well, normally, with a track this slow, I would go with Gambit's Gal.
What's going on here? Oh our boy Cash is employing his savant-like knowledge of equine physiology to rake in a crapload of dough.
Well, I'm not wild about my son blowin' off his homework to play the ponies.
Well Would you be happier if we shut down our operation and stopped gambling completely? Yes.
Well, not everything is about your happiness.
Hey.
Hey mom, remember how you said I didn't have a singing career this morning? Yep.
Well, I got one.
Uh-huh.
And I'm the point guard for the Lakers.
Seriously.
I heard what you said about hard work and paying my dues, so I made a video.
- Video of what? - Of me, singing "Love Minus Two" by Deffy Dupraize.
Look Love minus two love minus two love minus two no me and no you because what we had is gone and I'm moo-moo-moving on boy, you cut me to the core and so I'm out-out-out the door what else can you do when it's love minus two? love minus two love minus two love minus two, love minus two Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
There's a lot goin' on there.
Was that the cat from two doors down? Yeah.
And how cute is he in goggles? Yeah, that cat's wild.
But, honey, this one video doesn't make a career.
Oh.
Well, over 24,600 people disagree with you.
What do you mean? That's how many hits I got after I put it on YouTube.
So now can you get me in to see Mr.
Bata? Honey, it's not that easy.
Ugh.
Oh, lord.
Look, you made one video and you uploaded it or downloaded it.
I know you loaded it in some direction, but Honey, that's not paying your dues.
Yeah, but things are different now.
Yeah, but it still takes hard work.
Okay.
When I was young Is this gonna be about how you churned your own butter and there were only three channels? No.
This is about me and your daddy, drivin' 600 miles in a rusty old van, playin' for 15 people in some smoky old beer joint, and barely gettin' paid.
That's stupid.
No, it's not stupid.
It's how we cut our teeth and honed our skill.
Even with all that work, when I had to take the time off to have you kids, it was still a struggle for me to to get my career going again.
Huh.
Well, since you started telling that story I got 2,000 more views.
And I didn't have to drive anywhere.
Ahh.
Being famous is super easy these days.
Well, that may be true, but there's a difference between being famous and being great.
Well, thank you for your words of wisdom, but I just got a thousand more hits.
Come back here! I'm not done being wise! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Aw, he's got it.
- Yes! - Yes! Okay, victory shots for everyone.
Except you can't drink and you can't drink, so victory shots for me.
Taylor swift.
I'll Taylor Swift you in a minute.
Well, what built a nest in your bloomers? It's June.
She thinks she can just announce, "oh, I'm gonna be a singer," and Mr.
Bata will just lay down at her feet.
Well, take her down to Mr.
Bata then.
Oh, I don't wanna do that, 'cause I don't wanna hurt her.
Besides, he's not gonna see her.
Well, that's exactly the point.
She'll go down, realize how pointless and humiliating it is, and she'll learn a life lesson.
- You think that'll work? - Of course it will.
It's like teaching a kid not to smoke cigarettes by making 'em smoke a whole pack.
But I didn't want to smoke in the first place.
I-I didn't want to take any chances.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Cash, where are you going? There's still bettin' to be done.
Well, I've already been doing this for a couple of hours.
And you heard my mom.
I have to do my homework.
Listen up, mister Here's how this is gonna go down, okay? I am gonna do your homework, and you are gonna make with the ponies.
Um, I no, I don't think that's really honoring - the spirit of what my mom - Come on.
I'm finally making my own money here, you know? I really wanna surprise Leslie with a brand-new pair of boots for me.
I'm sorry, Kim, but I've gotta do my homework.
I will do your homework just this once.
Look Ooh! English.
How convenient.
Happens to be my first language.
Reba.
Where's our budding Internet star? Oh, she wants to document her "rise to stardom," so she's out there taking a picture with the valet.
Aw.
That's so That's either adorable or pathetic.
I can't decide.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
The only reason I agreed to come down here is because I want her to see the reality of this business, but I don't want to crush her dreams.
So do not be mean to her.
I'm so offended! How do you think I could be mean to June? Because you're always mean to me when I come down here.
Yeah, but you can handle it.
June still has hope.
Okay.
Look, we won't be here very long.
I figure that after Mr.
Bata makes her sit out here for a couple of hours, she'll be sick of show business and ready to go get ice cream.
- Did you see all the gold records on the wall? - Yeah.
So cool.
Thanks for doing this, mom.
Ah, no problem.
Uh, you should go over and check in with Mr.
Bata's assistant.
He can be a real butt.
Got it.
Hi, Geoffrey.
And you are? I'm June Gallagher.
I have a meeting with Mr.
Bata at 4:00.
Okay.
Well Mr.
Bata is, uh, a little busy right now, so just have a seat.
He'll be right with you.
You look so cute.
Oh, I wanna get a picture before my meeting.
You can get a painting done by the time you get your meeting.
June Gallagher is here for her 4:00.
June Gallagher.
Oh.
Oh, I see.
It's okay.
Okay, yeah.
I'll let her know.
Mr.
Bata will see you now.
What just happened? Okay, look, when I called in there, Mr.
Bata said that his daughter told him all about June's video with that little cat, and he wanted to meet her.
But that's kind of a good thing, right? No! I've been tellin' her how brutal this business is, and she gets a meeting in 20 seconds! It takes you longer than that to lie to me about him being in! Things are finally looking up for your family now! And look, maybe June could put in a word for you.
I love this business! It is so much fun.
And easy, too.
Honey, you need to slow down a little.
It's great that you got in to see Mr.
Bata.
But remember, that's just a tiny baby step.
I realize that.
So how big a tour bus do you think I'll get? Because it could get a little crowded with my hair guy and my wardrobe people and the whole band.
Ooh! And a bodyguard.
A bodyguard? Wow.
I think you're getting a little ahead of yourself.
Not really.
This stuff happens fast.
I'm gonna need a publicist, you know, to promote my own clothing line.
Honey, chill out.
I'm just planning ahead.
Mr.
Bata said when I get started, I'm gonna have to go on a promotional tour of all the radio stations around the country.
Well, how are you gonna plan on touring when you're gonna be in school? Oh, no.
I'm not gonna let school get in the way of this.
What? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You are not quitting school.
Of course not.
I'm not delusional.
Obviously, I'll have tutors when I'm on the road.
I mean, it's kind of the law.
So there's more proof why you need to stay in school So you'll learn the meaning of "delusional.
" This is so typical.
It just feels like you've been against my career from the beginning.
From the beginning? Honey, it was yesterday.
Mom, I get it.
This is hard for you, but we're both in showbiz now.
Let's just be supportive of each other.
Remember, a rising tide lifts all boats.
I'll make you think "boat.
" Get your butt upstairs and get your homework.
"Lift my boat.
" I've been rowing boats for longer than you can remember.
Cash Cash Cash! Aah! Aw, come on.
It's just me, silly.
What are you doing here? It's it's 2:00 in the morning.
Yeah.
Or as I like to call it, post time in Manila.
Okay.
Get up.
There's bettin' to do.
What, Cash, is all this screaming? Are you watching "Wizard of Oz" again? Oh, I wish it was flyin' monkeys.
Aw.
Good morning, Lillie Mae.
Tell you what why don't I get some coffee a-brewin'? And then we'll get to winning.
Okay.
She's got a problem.
So, uh, what do we do? Well, your system's gonna have to stop working.
Won't she know something's up? Quick question How does one make coffee? Trust me.
She won't know.
I've been thinkin'.
You don't talk much about your mama, but didn't you say one time that she refused to buy a phone when they first came out? Yes, that's true.
She said if a message was worth sending, it was worth the buggy ride to the telegraph office.
Well, I've turned into grandma.
You shot a bartender? What? What are you talking about? Uh huh? N-nothing.
What are you talking about? Oh, June's inside on the phone with Geoffrey.
I mean, all that stuff I told her about the music business Was I wrong? Am I crushing her dreams just because she's not doing it the same way I did? No, you are giving her good advice that will help her have a long career.
She may resent you for it now, but trust me, she'll realize it one day.
Most likely long after you're dead, but she will realize it.
Oh, come on.
I was getting a tour bus! Oh, that didn't sound good.
Ugh! Fine! I hate show business.
It's filled with backstabbers.
Who stabbed you in the back? Milton.
Okay, honey, I'm lost.
Who's Milton? Is he a friend at school? No.
It's the cat from my video.
He's got a new one out.
It's him fighting a bunch of balloons with mouse faces drawn on them.
Oh, how original.
Okay, so Milton's gone solo.
Good riddance.
He was overrated, anyway.
You know what? You take those goggles off, he's just a cat.
Okay.
How did this affect you, anyway? His video's gone viral.
Over 30,000 hits in 6 hours, and people have stopped watching mine.
Ohh.
Geoffrey called and said Mr.
Bata thinks the only reason people were watching my video was because of the stupid cat.
And Geoffrey was all "Do you have more videos with that cat? Do you, little mami? Do you? Do you?" That's a pretty good Geoffrey.
Well, this sucks.
Welcome to the entertainment business, honey.
But here's what I don't get If it's so hard, why do people keep doing it? And why do you keep doing it? 'Cause I have to.
Artists who do what they do, they do it because they love it, not for money or fame.
Did you know that Van Gogh never sold a painting during his lifetime? And Van Gogh killed himself.
Yeah.
But don't do that.
But still, everything I said is true.
Isn't there an easier way? Not that I know of.
But if you find one, send me a telegram and let me know.
Never mind.
Run, Chumley's Dream! Run, you stupid horse! Oh, no! Sixth place.
Damn it! We have lost five in a row, Cash.
What is going on? Uh, I don't I don't know.
I, um I must have lost my touch.
Well It happens.
Nothing can be done.
This is awful.
I have lost everything.
Everything! Well, not everything.
I mean, you live in a mansion.
No.
This is a beach house.
Our mansion is in Aspen.
I guess the party's over.
I guess so.
It was a fun, crazy-wild ride while it lasted, huh? Oh, yes, it was.
But it's over.
Okay.
- Now.
- Right.
- Definitely - Yeah.
No, I heard you.
That was rough, grandma.
Oh, but it had to be done.
When somebody is addicted to winning, the only cure is losing.
But picking the wrong horses It almost killed me.
It was like asking Michael Phelps to sink.
You did a good thing.
And now you don't have to worry about it anymore.
You can go back to picking winners for your grandma.
Who do you like in the seventh? I don't like anybody in the seventh.
Kim isn't the only one with a problem.
Hey, come on.
I can quit anytime I want to.
Um, all right.
Well, how 'bout now? I don't want to.
Sorry, grandma.
I'm done.
I hope you dream of freakin' flyin' monkeys tonight.
a, b, c, d C! Great! Okay, now a little trick to remembering the notes of the treble clef It's e, g, b, d, f "Every good boy deserves fudge.
" Mm.
Now I'm bored, and I want fudge.
You're doing great.
All right.
You practice your scale for one hour, and I'll go make you some fudge.
That's my girl! Ah, yes.
Piano lessons.
Did she tell you the "fudge" business? Yeah.
It's a scam.
You're not gettin' any.
Wait.
You took lessons from mom? Yeah.
When I was 6.
It was the worst week of my life.
The only thing I ever learned was this Mom taught you that? Yeah, never got fudge though.