Masters of Horror (2005) s01e10 Episode Script

Sick Girl

Over here! I got one! You will quite a surprise, my little sandwich MASTERS OF HORROR 1x10 SICK GIRL Master of Science ENTOMOLOGY Hi, this is Ida Teeter.
I can't be buged right now.
Leave a message.
Hi, Ida, it is Danielle.
I come to let you know¡­ I do not know how to say you that¡­ I will not go out tonight.
The whole bug thing pretty much cripple me.
I am sorry.
I can't go there.
Toby! How did you get out? you just wanted to get through your mom, didn't you? Ohh, little sweetie! Oh, I know¡­ The McNAUGHTON MUSEUM Of NATURAL HISTORY Started again? I am so freaky pathetic! I thought she really liked me, max! too bad.
It should be really nice rat, too.
She said bug thing freaky cripple of her.
very unattarct image.
I want just to meet someone¡­ ¡­ I connect with.
You are the chicks, darling.
It is scientifically impossiblity.
What about the small brown one downstair the elevator, she is not bad! I do not know, his hair are always in her face.
I have to look at a woman's eyes, in order to know¡­ I have to look at a woman's ass¡­ Well¡­ not IN the woman's ass at, I want to say¡­ anyways.
I have seen hers.
And it is pretty damn nice.
I do not know¡­ She seems a kind¡­weid.
Look, Ida, I said before, and I said it again: Never told the ladies what you do for a living.
And get rid of your pets.
I do not even keep books about bug around house.
That's for chicks like poison.
Max¡­ This is who I am! I'm just saying, some point you gonna make a choice: Babes, or bugs.
You cannot have both.
allright, creepy little sucker, end of the line! I have a deliver package, Madam.
It is what the graduate student say: ¡°Oh, my professor, is it a bug in your pocket, or you just happy to see me? ¡° Come on.
Come on! I have seen you here before, but I have not actually talk to you.
- Hi¡­ I am¡­ - Ida Teeter, I know, I always found it was a peace place to do my job, and this place remind me my father.
- Hummm¡­ and what is your¡­ - My name is Misty Falls, but I am not a hippie.
nice to meet your acquaintance, Misty.
so what did you do here, Ida Teeter? Teeder totter ??? I, euh you know, euh work here I work here.
So Ida Teeter,I thought may we go to have a couple of coffee, now, if you like to¡­ Damn,I do not even know why I said that, that is totally stupid! I hate coffee! I drink tea.
what was that? What is on your hand? pen broke! pen broke¡­ I am sorry¡­ I am kind of a hurry.
OK, Ida.
I understand.
Go! go on.
Eh well¡­ Hello! where you from, my pal? miss Teeter? I was hoping to catch you.
Hello, Miss Besley .
What is happening, Lady Bug? Give me some skin.
Are you even take that thing off? Halloween was over for one month ago, now.
I know.
ridiculous thing.
always blocked in the washing machine.
Now, Ida, there is something we need to discuss.
sure.
The neighbors have a problem, and, freaky, I share their concern.
Yes, Madam.
But, when I moved in, you told me that I can keep pets.
- you did, Grandma - Don't interrput, Betty.
I meant a dog, a cat, a gold fish, a guinea-pig¡­ - But not¡­ - You did not say that, Grandma! Betty! My pets are safer than a gold fish.
There is no water to leak on the floor, there is no bark¡­ ¡­ but they do a little noise, but only¡­ I keep a clean building, Miss Teeter.
I cannot have bugs all over the places! Ehh! I am a bug! And you want me in your apartment! Yes, Miss Besley , I know, you do keep this place bugless.
And I promise you: my pets will never cause any trouble.
Ohhh! Hello there, big fellow! Hello, Doro.
What did you do to little Tommy? Hello? Somebody sent a package.
A bug.
Ida? - What time is it? - I thought that it was scarab¨¦, but it is just too¡­ bizarre! Describe it to me.
Hum, hold on second.
Stevee! you are so much crafty one.
Go, returns there inside, Stevee, little dude! You are a sweetie¡­ Ida? I almost forgot! The artist girl is really beastly! So adorable! So, I am going to take some vitamins, to write notes tonight, and to ask her to dinner tomorrow.
how about that! girls in lost You better give me full describe what happens afterwards, especially for the shower in the morning.
You are so gross! OK.
It has a head like¡­ Ohhhh! Did You heard that? Ohhh, max, it is so beautiful! How much segments on its abdomen? Hold on, Let me check.
It regionally from Brazil, but I have no idea who send it to me.
Wow, Cowboy! It is aggressive.
Listen, Ida, I am really burst.
One will look at tomorrow morning at the laboratory.
Wish me good luck, Mick! I find a very good name for you.
see you later, my gil pal.
Hi¡­ Misty¡­ I was¡­ wondering¡­ if you¡­ I mean¡­ if you is not busy, or anything¡­ If you would like to go¡­ ¡­ will you like come to have dinner with me,tonight? - You asked her out? - Yes! And she was totally receptive¡­ And it even drew me in the form of a fairy! that is all she draws, fairies.
It is per thing.
You talk about your thing¡­ ? Not.
Not a pip, General! good.
Now, you probably want to go her place, - because all you damn bugs¡­ - Look this! Oh My God! He is not north american.
Is it Chinese? sure.
looks at his head! how about that? the Chinese food autally come from China! This place is rocks! Nervous? Who, me? Yes, but I am always nervous, but it is¡­ it is a cool place, You come here a lot? Yes.
on the regular.
- But I never been here¡­ - on the date? is it a date? My God, I am so stupid! Why did I just say that? I think you're very attractive , and I was just crack like Fortune Cookie , but I didn't out to say it, so¡­ I said it.
You think I'm¡­ attractive? Really? Cha Ming Dao Euh¡­ I thought maybe we should go to see a movie, later, but I looked the paper, and it just all horror or talking monkeys, so¡­ I rent something.
I hope that you don't think I am¡­ ¡­ I am presumptuous.
OK.
what is it about? ¡°Texas Pixies¡± So did you have a DVD player, cos I thought maybe we can watch it in your place, I only have VHS.
I am sorry, you're going a little too fast for me¡­ Yes¡­ that really seem ¡­ calculated¡­ No, no! I mean, you're talking a little too fast for me! I could not understand what you were saying! I was just asking if you have a DVD player? Yes¡­ Yes, I do.
OK.
after this, we go to your places.
Babes, or bugs! You cannot have both! Actually, it is a kind of mess over there¡­ And my landlady, she is very¡­ Ok, sure, what the hack? we can go to my places.
lady bugs has my back.
Watch your step.
This building is really cool.
my places, is total cockroaches, compared to this.
Eh well¡­ Miss Besley keep this pretty clean place around here.
Betty, you little rascal.
I am not Betty, I am lady bug.
- I am sorry - Give Me some skin.
Misty, this is my friend, lady bug.
Oh, cool.
Are you a fairy? No, but I love fairy! Betty, it is time to your bed.
Hello, Lana.
Good evening, Miss Teeter.
Oh, you have a beautiful girl, Madam.
It is her granddaughter.
good lie, Misty.
very good lie.
Wow! It is Snogsville! Yeah.
Cool! Is it the bedroom? Do not go in there! Do not go in there.
I didn't mean anything¡­ No, I just¡­ I.
.
don't have¡­ euh¡­ - Would you like drink? - Yes.
Yes, thank you.
I don't really have thing to mix with it.
That's OK.
Thank you, Ida.
Is this¡­ most tedious first date ever? Why are you calling me? I just wonder your hot day went¡­ I have a pretty important day in the shower, tomorrow morning and figure out¡­ It's still going, and it is cool, and she is here, and we are watching a movie.
You get rid of the bugs? yes.
Really? Wow, I did not think you ever.
Where did you put them? In¡­ the bedroom.
Ida, the idea is get out of your room, what hell you thinking? Whore! I did not think! I did not think it would be so easy! I mean, not ¡°easy¡±, but easy, finally¡­ I like her, she likes me¡­ Shit! shit, shit, shit! - Ida! - Max! - Ida - What would I do? Breathe deeply.
Listen to me, go in there, and make you move.
But don't let her see the bugs! OK, calls me in the morning.
Take a shower in 6:00¡­ Are you cold? I have some¡­ Where am I? Oups! are you touching me? so sweet! Hum¡­ are you locate to drive? You want me to go? No! No.
I¡­ do not want you to go.
I can stay? you probably need pyjamas¡­ and¡­ privacy, then¡­ I'm just¡­ I do not need¡­ pyjamas¡­ or privacy¡­ come here.
Yeah.
come here.
Am I ¡­ been too aggressive? No, but¡­ Let us just be tender.
Oh¡­ My¡­ Gosh¡­ What is this? I am sorry¡­ I¡­ I am going¡­ to get rid of them¡­ Is it Lucanus Ladies? From Thailand? You know about scarabs? Not, not really, but my dad was a big with bug professor at the college, upon about a year ago, he decided need get away from me, because he found¡­ your father professor Is Malcolm Wolfe? He was my favorite professor at college, I learned so much from him¡­ Wow! What a coincidence! How is he do¡­ -¡­ wait a min, you told me your last name was¡­ - Mom was a hippie.
She gave me my own last name.
so¡­ you are not bothered by them? some people¡­ are bothered by them.
No.
when I said this place was Snogsville? I guess it's really bugsville! I love it.
looks like one of your babies got lose.
Damn it! Mick.
You wouldn't wanna me to look for him, would you? I mean¡­ we have to be careful, it's kind of aggressive, but¡­ ¡­ if you want to, we could¡­ I am so sorry¡­ Are you alright? I did not hit you that hard, did I¡­ No, I just feel weak.
I guess it is depend on the whiskey I drank.
You should lay down.
doesn't fell you like to have fever¡­ You really give it shit? What? Do you really care about me, Ida? Yes.
Yes, I do.
you make me feel like, myself.
Eh, what's wrong, sweetie? Nothing.
not that I finally have you.
It is absurd, no one circle like this! I am telling you that it is what looks like! Exactly! OK, brings it in! prove it.
Hum¡­ I cannot.
It's kind of lose, and now we can't find it.
we? Who drew this? I described it to Misty, and she drew them for me! she is a such great artist! Misty, Misty, Misty.
sound like you are in love.
Yes! I am kind of vamp! So? just take it easy¡­ You gotta leave one more.
What? I want to spend each minute of possiblity come with this person, you're telling me take it easy? Look, I am glad see you again interested in something beside Mantis, but you may take it easy, gamine.
The women can drying your vital juice.
And not just the sexual one either¡­ Max! You are worse than a high-school chickens, sometimes¡­ What? We will take all of room pays, if it is fine with you.
And for your juices.
Welcome home! Ohhh! Are you alright, sweet star? are you still not feeling well? I am ok.
We haven't exactly been sleeping a lot this nice night¡­ that's true.
Let us get yourself.
Betty, no! sure about this? sure not too fast? I have never been so sure anything in my life, Misty.
I kind of crack for you! I'm no idea how long I ever wait you say that! No one even loves me before.
I feel so¡­ I do not know! something inside this, just telling me that I need to be here¡­ right Here, right now.
With you.
I feel it too.
couldn't catch him.
What is wrong, Grandma? Stevee¡­ Stevee! LOST DOG here You are this whole time, nesting in the pillow? Mama Ida could be still you are ok.
what is it? The mysterious man from Brazil, who sent me classifiled insect.
he wrote me a letter.
I think that he is kind of cock.
What is you mean? well, he seems to think that weird bug he sent to me is dangerous.
venomous, maybe.
he is crazy.
Who wrote this? He does not identify himself.
But, it is strange, this apologetic tone to the letter, like he intenionally keep this information from me when he sent me the package, and then thought better offer it.
And what is weirder, is I think I know this guy.
I mean, he writes like he knows me! But, I just can't call him up for some reason¡­ juices, juices,juices¡­ shut up, I am serious! An insect can handle to kill the mammals? come on, this is no such thing! There is a dog missing, in my building! And that bug is losing there, somewhere! what's funny, it is that seem dog was messing with him when I found it on my door step.
so not only he hunt the warm-blooded animals, he holds grudge¡­ ¡°he¡±? No, no, no¡­ see, that's other weird thing.
I couldn't tell if he was a male or female.
- that is easy, you have to do is lift up the¡­ - he doesn't have one.
Malcolm Wolf! Wow! where did you come from? I heard you come up the stair¡­ Miss.
.
Teeter! They are kissing, Grandma? I'd like to have words with you, Miss Teeter.
hi Ida, can I have a kiss too? You! You¡­ you think that's funny? Eh! I want a kiss too! Now, you two¡­ you two¡­ you two!¡­ You two¡­ you two¡­ you two! - Eh, I think we just broken, Ida! - Misty! Please! - Now, Miss Besley , I am so sorry, but.
- shut your mouth, you¡­ you¡­ you¡­! you¡­! Would you stuck at hard of the alphabet something? (NDT: ¡°You¡± = U).
Misty, what is wrong with you? Now, Miss Besley, I know you probably don't approve of us, - but it is our right¡­ - Right? Let me tell you something, Miss Teeter.
since you don't have the decency to close your door or windows, I've heard you two¡­ I see you two! Are you saying it is your right to pollute the mind of my little grand-daughter? You know she looks up to you, has her star for you! And all this time, you must¡­ been looking at her like she was a little piece of meat! wait that god damn, now, Lana! - How dare¡­ - And I have complained, complained about your little pets! seems one of them got lose, and now we have a missing dog, I saw¡­ this thing ran, right cross my feet! they hear it crawling in the wall, miss Teeter! Yes ,OK.
I am missing one specimen.
- But that has nothing to do with¡­ - with the fact that the old skins don't like girls? don't you make trouble for me, you party little shit! I want you out here in 14 days! Out! Give me some skin, Ida! Grandma - Lana, do not do that! - 7 days! I want you, you¡­ deviates out here in 7 god damn days! Wow! Somebody with need get lead.
are You OK, sweetie? How could you stand there, to laugh and make jokes, while that awefully woman with saying those things! I am sorry, I did not mean to agitate the situation, and I certainly did not mean to make you cry.
And well, I am crying, damn it! Oh, God! It's bad enough she say those things about us, but Betty¡­ Oh jesus, Betty! - You was laughing! - so, I was laugheing! fucking deal, Ida! You are such a baby! I stand here all the day, I wash your dirty underwear, doing your dish, and I nourished your stupid fucking bugs! And you're tring get me shit? that's come down the whore one you should be mad, not me, Ida,god damn! - Misty, I.
.
just¡­ I am sorry, I¡­ - You are a great ungrateful little bitch ! I should rip you fucking eyes, to speak to me like that! fuck! Shit! fucking!¡­ Oh my God! Oh my God! wake up.
there you go, wake up.
I am sorry about all of this, - but I really need to talk to you about you¡­ - I have just made a very strange , beautiful dream¡­ I dreamed I was a little fairy, lay on a lily pad, and then this beautiful giant bug right on me, and he hold my arms over, my head, and he pierce my belly with his proboscis.
While I just lay there, he pour me full of¡­ juices¡­ What you think that means? maybe the bug symbolize me.
I think it is about my dad.
he never really¡­ approved me¡­ Do not do that! We like dark here.
We? - Hello? - Eh! You got another letter of man from Brazil.
What is wrong? I have¡­ problems at the house¡­ You see, I told you! Once they moved in, they just completely transforce somthing else! Max, that is enough! I gonna come here right now, OK? I am worried that¡­ maybe¡­ shit! I just tell you I get there! And, mind I open this? Euh¡­ are You gonna be OK, for about an hour? you gotta see this! Your pal of Brazil has quite sense humor! There are even illustrations! check this out: This insect is known to be introduced into the nests of birds , or another small animals.
will be here like a parasite.
setting its proboscis to drink animals' blood, plays a toxin with unqiue .
Wait, this more.
This toxin in the bug injects, is a protein, which was once find into the blood system, causes mutation.
It is not even possible physiologically possible! You cannot make a exosquelette with a endosquelette! this is the best part: This protein invades the host DNA, and the bird is pregnancy the insect young! I think this was actually pretty good.
you're alright? I think Misty got bit! You yakee my chick, right? Why don't you like me, Miss Besley? do You really want to know, dear? Yes.
I really want to know.
dear! I do not like you, because I think that you are perverse! You, your ladyfriend, and your disgusting little pets! I do not want scum like you with an mile of my granddaughter! - she is a good girl, and I do not want her exposed with a couple of¡­ - Dykes? Lesbos? that's you're tring to say? Your invaluable little ladies bug, will grow up one day, and will start to love other lady bugs? hein? Or maybe that we will infect it with a kind of pussy virus? that's it? You are just¡­ foe, young lady! You are a monster! You are right.
I am sorry, daddy! What? Daddy? what's wrong with you? Grandma? can I my skin ice cream, now? Grandma? baby? baby? My God, Misty, what happened? The old skin fell down the stair! Misty! could you just leave us alone for one minute, please? Yes, I am kind of tired anyway, then I gonna go to zack, that was ok with you.
Thanks.
please will you call, please will you call! Hello? max, can you come over right way, please? Something terrible is happened! - are you OK? - I explained to you when you get here.
I'm there! You want to join me? there is nothing wrong with me.
And I guess we weren't have move with the Besley is gone! The woman is died, Misty! that's terrible! I think the bug bit you! have You see it? The bug? Which one, Ida? you goota all of this place, love! You know what bug I'm talking about, Misty.
You've been hidden it, havn't you? Ok¡­ You got me! It is in your pillow.
It is a cute little guy too! Misty? is it infected you! You do not understand, Ida.
hasn't infect me at all! - in fact,¡­ - Listen to me! Misty, your father¡­he sent to me, I do not know why! but he did I know why he sent it to you, Ida.
- Why? You know? - he sent the bug so that it bites you, and infects you, and makes you go fucking crazy! he wanted me be repost by you! Because he know I was in love with you! - But¡­ I got the package before¡­ - I look you for years, Ida! I came to Dad's calss, and I just stare you, and drew you, for hours¡­ I always loved you, Ida! But it's OK, because I still have you! And¡­ Ida! Today, it is the day.
I felt them kicking all night long! You gotta beat me? I can't believe you gotta beat me, I got first, you know.
You thinks it will be a boy, or a girl? Euh¡­ probably a few hundred of each.
We should send to daddy a few hundred cigars¡­
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